FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

no shows,name and shame or not ?

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

hi after another no show,we wondered what everyone thinks about naming and shaming them obviously if a good reason then we wouldnt but the dreamers need naming so others dont suffer the same

What does everyone think ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Open to abuse...

Simple as so can never work.... Anyone could say anything.

Just block and move on, happens to everyone!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To make it clear... whats stopping us saying your a time waster now?? Nothing.. see the fatal flaw??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"hi after another no show,we wondered what everyone thinks about naming and shaming them obviously if a good reason then we wouldnt but the dreamers need naming so others dont suffer the same

What does everyone think ?

"

OOooo ello ... ive only been here a few weeks n I think this is the umpth time ive seen this discussed.

Can I ask if you have called them to ask if they are okay ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met a guy 3 weeks ago and we got on great. But he stood me up on our second meet, all dressed up and no where to go..its just not nice.

But im so glad i couldnt name and shame cos the poor bugger turned up online several days later from his hospital bed. Hes feeling crap enough without having mud slung at him on here !

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"hi after another no show,we wondered what everyone thinks about naming and shaming them obviously if a good reason then we wouldnt but the dreamers need naming so others dont suffer the same

What does everyone think ?

OOooo ello ... ive only been here a few weeks n I think this is the umpth time ive seen this discussed.

Can I ask if you have called them to ask if they are okay ? "

oh we asked,you make it sound like we are inconsiderate and intolerant which we arent,we always consider others its just a shame they didnt consider us !

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I met a guy 3 weeks ago and we got on great. But he stood me up on our second meet, all dressed up and no where to go..its just not nice.

But im so glad i couldnt name and shame cos the poor bugger turned up online several days later from his hospital bed. Hes feeling crap enough without having mud slung at him on here !"

there are good reasons for others not turning up and we always listen and in a lot of cases fully understand peoples dilemmas but there are a few who never have any intention of meeting

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"hi after another no show,we wondered what everyone thinks about naming and shaming them obviously if a good reason then we wouldnt but the dreamers need naming so others dont suffer the same

What does everyone think ?

OOooo ello ... ive only been here a few weeks n I think this is the umpth time ive seen this discussed.

Can I ask if you have called them to ask if they are okay ?

oh we asked,you make it sound like we are inconsiderate and intolerant which we arent,we always consider others its just a shame they didnt consider us !"

It's unfortunate you've taken my question that way. I didn't use any words against you at all; only you used those words.

I asked a question out of interest. I wanted to know what reason they gave or if they were just cowards and inconsiderate without giving you a reason. X Gran X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"hi after another no show,we wondered what everyone thinks about naming and shaming them obviously if a good reason then we wouldnt but the dreamers need naming so others dont suffer the same

What does everyone think ?

OOooo ello ... ive only been here a few weeks n I think this is the umpth time ive seen this discussed.

Can I ask if you have called them to ask if they are okay ?

oh we asked,you make it sound like we are inconsiderate and intolerant which we arent,we always consider others its just a shame they didnt consider us !

It's unfortunate you've taken my question that way. I didn't use any words against you at all; only you used those words.

I asked a question out of interest. I wanted to know what reason they gave or if they were just cowards and inconsiderate without giving you a reason. X Gran X"

we had through the evening 6 different text messages and 2 phone calls,all leaning towards them not coming but not actually saying that,we were under the impression they were on their way and would be with us by 9:30pm and the last message at 10 was do you still want us to come as its getting late,they hadnt left home,why cant people just be honest we would have understood but playing the meet out until the very last minute is madness

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had a no show a few years back and we did get quite worried about them and the fact they had our address! The excuse given a couple of weeks later was they had a massive falling out with each other on the way to us. So, turns out its a good job we didnt get to meet!

Anyway, since then, any new couples that come to our house we will sometimes meet at a pub etc and then at least they not got our address!

Anyway, naming and shaming will never be allowed and anyone doing so on fabs will be likely to be banned from the site completly.

Steve

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We had a no show a few years back and we did get quite worried about them and the fact they had our address! The excuse given a couple of weeks later was they had a massive falling out with each other on the way to us. So, turns out its a good job we didnt get to meet!

Anyway, since then, any new couples that come to our house we will sometimes meet at a pub etc and then at least they not got our address!

Anyway, naming and shaming will never be allowed and anyone doing so on fabs will be likely to be banned from the site completly.

Steve"

so the site is happy with the amount of timewasters it has ?and if not what can be improved to sort it out ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

timewasters are in all walks of life, sadly we have to put up with them. block em and move on, the good guys on here out weigh the tossers, and there are a hell of a lot of good guys on here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

There are timwewasters and fantasists on every swinging site even the ones you pay for

Its just what happens when you're fiinding and meeting people from the internet unfortunately

Clubs or socials could be a better option for meeting people if you're worried about being let down again

There are some lovely genuine people on here as well

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" there are a hell of a lot of good guys on here. "

Why thank you baby x x x x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest


"

we had through the evening 6 different text messages and 2 phone calls,all leaning towards them not coming but not actually saying that, "

Ive learned to go with my gut instinct...sounds like you knew they were going to waste your time.

You were probably wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt but I usually think if you feel something isnt really quite right...then it usually isnt.

Sack em and move on to the good uns

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington

well I posted a thread last week after a guy let me down for the second time in three days..... I didn't name and shame him...just wanted a rant to make myself feel better...but then the idiot up and named himself on the thread....

Given the ammount of time wasters, if it was allowed to name and shame, that's all there would be on the forums.

We just have to accept that there are a lot of players on the site who get their kicks in a sad way.....luckily there are also a lot of fabulous people who genuinely want to have fun. Just accept it as part of the weird and wonderful world of Fab.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

we had through the evening 6 different text messages and 2 phone calls,all leaning towards them not coming but not actually saying that,

Ive learned to go with my gut instinct...sounds like you knew they were going to waste your time.

You were probably wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt but I usually think if you feel something isnt really quite right...then it usually isnt.

Sack em and move on to the good uns"

i think thats probably the way to go xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always work with the assumption they might not turn up and we usually have a back up plan - have a good old party with each other if they don't! That way, it won't be the end of the world if they don't. We've been lucky though, no one has not shown up yet. You can generally get an idea of whether folks are likely to mess you about from facial expressions on cam (we think), by body language etc., which is why we like cam/phone chat first.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"well I posted a thread last week after a guy let me down for the second time in three days..... I didn't name and shame him...just wanted a rant to make myself feel better...but then the idiot up and named himself on the thread....

Given the ammount of time wasters, if it was allowed to name and shame, that's all there would be on the forums.

We just have to accept that there are a lot of players on the site who get their kicks in a sad way.....luckily there are also a lot of fabulous people who genuinely want to have fun. Just accept it as part of the weird and wonderful world of Fab.

"

to be honest i think we are the same,we just needed to have a rant about it,its just so annoying knowing we could have met another couple,we have 4 children so our free time is quite limited xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We always work with the assumption they might not turn up and we usually have a back up plan - have a good old party with each other if they don't! That way, it won't be the end of the world if they don't. We've been lucky though, no one has not shown up yet. You can generally get an idea of whether folks are likely to mess you about from facial expressions on cam (we think), by body language etc., which is why we like cam/phone chat first. "

we do the cam thing as well,this couple had been asking to meet for weeks and every box had been ticked,we are living and learning lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We always work with the assumption they might not turn up and we usually have a back up plan - have a good old party with each other if they don't! That way, it won't be the end of the world if they don't. We've been lucky though, no one has not shown up yet. You can generally get an idea of whether folks are likely to mess you about from facial expressions on cam (we think), by body language etc., which is why we like cam/phone chat first.

we do the cam thing as well,this couple had been asking to meet for weeks and every box had been ticked,we are living and learning lol"

Just think of it as their loss!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We always work with the assumption they might not turn up and we usually have a back up plan - have a good old party with each other if they don't! That way, it won't be the end of the world if they don't. We've been lucky though, no one has not shown up yet. You can generally get an idea of whether folks are likely to mess you about from facial expressions on cam (we think), by body language etc., which is why we like cam/phone chat first.

we do the cam thing as well,this couple had been asking to meet for weeks and every box had been ticked,we are living and learning lol

Just think of it as their loss! "

we think so thanks xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i did the same thing 2 weeks ago he let me down i asked the same question should i name and shame then was thinking iam better then that i will move on and say his loss not mine mwah mwah xxxxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

probably best to just move on, usually some long phone conversations to begin with can tell you if the other party are just dreaming.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"i did the same thing 2 weeks ago he let me down i asked the same question should i name and shame then was thinking iam better then that i will move on and say his loss not mine mwah mwah xxxxx"

your right time we proved we are worth more than the numptys on here and stop letting them get us down thanks xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

see you forgot all ready babe xxxxxx plenty more fabswingers in the sea xxxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"probably best to just move on, usually some long phone conversations to begin with can tell you if the other party are just dreaming."

Thats the thing we did the phone thing it just didnt make sense lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive actually been let down 3 times now, the poor chap in hospital is forgiven but the other two went all quiet on me on the day we were meeting, ive realised if he doesnt reply to numerous texts its a sure sign hes bottled it. It is really frustrating when there are so many lovely single guys who really want to meet and i pick the tossers

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ive actually been let down 3 times now, the poor chap in hospital is forgiven but the other two went all quiet on me on the day we were meeting, ive realised if he doesnt reply to numerous texts its a sure sign hes bottled it. It is really frustrating when there are so many lovely single guys who really want to meet and i pick the tossers "

Lol dolly we must be as good at picking as you are xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest


"

we had through the evening 6 different text messages and 2 phone calls,all leaning towards them not coming but not actually saying that,

Ive learned to go with my gut instinct...sounds like you knew they were going to waste your time.

You were probably wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt but I usually think if you feel something isnt really quite right...then it usually isnt.

Sack em and move on to the good uns"

My gut instinct tells me that Im being stood up even as we speak....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

The last no show I had was a guy who luckily agreed another guy could come along as well so we could have a 3some.... we left a voicemail message when he didn't reply to the text's asking if he was on his way... ok it wasn't quite a voice message, we recorded a shag on his voicemail.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree with other replies on here that a name and shame system could be abused by spiteful people, the site have shown they are trying to limit time wasters/wannabees by having a feedback system which isn't perfect but is a guide and a step in the right direction.

When we first went on a swinging site, before we'd ever met anyone, a couple gave us some advice, sort of a check list/system, for setting up meets and during the 6 years plus we been actively swinging we've never actually been at the pub or club and had a no show, we have had people phone us before we've set off to apologise because something has gone wrong their end, which is acceptable and unfortunately we've had to do the same and had to reschedule.

We always phone the other couple as we leave home to assure them and ourselves its still on, if there is any doubt then we will call it off before we got halfway and detour to or back up plan..... Swingers Club

K&T xx xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ive actually been let down 3 times now, the poor chap in hospital is forgiven but the other two went all quiet on me on the day we were meeting, ive realised if he doesnt reply to numerous texts its a sure sign hes bottled it. It is really frustrating when there are so many lovely single guys who really want to meet and i pick the tossers "

As a couple, who keep getting messages from single guys wanting to meet us and after reading single guys posts and conversations in chatrooms about how hard it is for single men to meet cples and single ladies, we just can't believe any single male lucky enough to get the opportunity to meet some of the lovely ladies answering this post, are idiotic enough not to make sure they get there, the mind boggles

I, Tom, also cringe when we see conversations in the chatroom where a lady has been chatting to a single man and he expects her to travel to him, we'd have thought as the chances to meet swingers is so limited they'd be prepared to do all the traveling?

K&T xx xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *Y MAN n MECouple
over a year ago

FIFE


"hi after another no show,we wondered what everyone thinks about naming and shaming them obviously if a good reason then we wouldnt but the dreamers need naming so others dont suffer the same

What does everyone think ?

"

Why bother??? naming and shaming that is, alot of them couldn't give a toss anyway! they want to do everything, all talk and no action mob! do these folks get a kick out of winding others up for meeting with no intention of turning up! Grrr really p's us off. We have got to the stage of stuff um! and move on to the next potential great fun time.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside


"hi after another no show,we wondered what everyone thinks about naming and shaming them obviously if a good reason then we wouldnt but the dreamers need naming so others dont suffer the same

What does everyone think ?

"

I think it is dangerous but must have been a fool not to show.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"hi after another no show,we wondered what everyone thinks about naming and shaming them obviously if a good reason then we wouldnt but the dreamers need naming so others dont suffer the same

What does everyone think ?

"

we have never met.... could i just name and shame you? afterall... isn't it just your word against mine?

or.... say if you did meet a couple and you didn't hit it off and decided not to play... if they were upset or even vendictive they could "name and shame you".....

as you see... it is open to too much abuse therefore it will never happen... especially on a free site, where they could just cancel their account and start again! just block them, brush ya self down and move on.......

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we allways give people a second chance things happen but thats all they get then we deleat block and move on but that takes a lot of our time .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"As a couple, who keep getting messages from single guys wanting to meet us and after reading single guys posts and conversations in chatrooms about how hard it is for single men to meet cples and single ladies, we just can't believe any single male lucky enough to get the opportunity to meet some of the lovely ladies answering this post, are idiotic enough not to make sure they get there, the mind boggles

I, Tom, also cringe when we see conversations in the chatroom where a lady has been chatting to a single man and he expects her to travel to him, we'd have thought as the chances to meet swingers is so limited they'd be prepared to do all the traveling?

K&T xx xx"

First of all no offence meant and this is just another person’s opinion but –

I, bb (single male), cringe at these types of posts where a couple believe that just because it’s a single male they have to be so grateful of getting a meet with someone that they have to do everything the couple/single female wants!

I have both travelled to meets and had meets travelled to me because in the end its mutual fun that both parties are after and everyone’s circumstances are different!

At the end of the day yes it is a numbers game and the single males do outweigh the single females and couples on FAB but that doesn’t mean they need to think of themselves as ‘lucky’, they have maybe just stood out from the crowd and the other people want to meet them and vice versa!

To answer the OP’s original question, NO, naming and shaming would never work as it’s open to abuse as anyone can say anything about the other person involved and who on FAB has the time to verify which person is telling the truth? There are always 3 sides to every story, the person doing the reporting, the person being reported and then somewhere in the middle which is probably nearer the truth.

Again, no offence meant, just my tuppence worth into a debate that has been and always will be around in swinging!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"hi after another no show,we wondered what everyone thinks about naming and shaming them obviously if a good reason then we wouldnt but the dreamers need naming so others dont suffer the same

What does everyone think ?

"

Some times a none show is for a gen reason and they are the ones who contact you to say which is the polite thing to do, however the ones who dont show and dont contact you normaly in our case make contact days weeks later only to try and arrange another meet, and when you say you never turned up last time and never informed us out come the same old excuses. So on a none show we block and move on there loss not ours and as a single guy out there it's dam hard to get reg meetings so why pee us off.

We now never meet for a 3som but arrange meets with 2 - 5 guys this has worked very well for us however we still always get none shows but most turn up like they did on monday 7 guys all made it to our door, lucky Suzi.

The ladies here take time to get ready for a meet give them the respect they deserve.

Happy playing Gaz

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if it was me i would name and shame but it cud be open to abuse, so people shud only meet people with genuine decent verifications thats what i dox

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ickedWWoman
over a year ago

Chester

How about a points system, dont know if that would work !!

A 'no show' could be reported to the site managment, they total up the red marks and then red flag their profile...

That way we'd know who to avoid or what to expect from them....

Just a thought

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're right. But I have arranged to meet someone, they invited me around to their house after chatting to them on the phone and online a for a few weeks. Then when i got there they wouldn't answer the door!!! Even though I saw them open the curtains to see who it was. It was very starnge despite them having numerous verications.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a couple, who keep getting messages from single guys wanting to meet us and after reading single guys posts and conversations in chatrooms about how hard it is for single men to meet cples and single ladies, we just can't believe any single male lucky enough to get the opportunity to meet some of the lovely ladies answering this post, are idiotic enough not to make sure they get there, the mind boggles

I, Tom, also cringe when we see conversations in the chatroom where a lady has been chatting to a single man and he expects her to travel to him, we'd have thought as the chances to meet swingers is so limited they'd be prepared to do all the traveling?

K&T xx xx

First of all no offence meant and this is just another person’s opinion but –

I, bb (single male), cringe at these types of posts where a couple believe that just because it’s a single male they have to be so grateful of getting a meet with someone that they have to do everything the couple/single female wants!

I have both travelled to meets and had meets travelled to me because in the end its mutual fun that both parties are after and everyone’s circumstances are different!

At the end of the day yes it is a numbers game and the single males do outweigh the single females and couples on FAB but that doesn’t mean they need to think of themselves as ‘lucky’, they have maybe just stood out from the crowd and the other people want to meet them and vice versa!

To answer the OP’s original question, NO, naming and shaming would never work as it’s open to abuse as anyone can say anything about the other person involved and who on FAB has the time to verify which person is telling the truth? There are always 3 sides to every story, the person doing the reporting, the person being reported and then somewhere in the middle which is probably nearer the truth.

Again, no offence meant, just my tuppence worth into a debate that has been and always will be around in swinging! "

No offence taken, everyone is entitled to an opinion and as we have said in numeros posts on here there are good and bad across the whole spectrum of swinging and we were not having a pop at or singling out Single Guys as such, it was just our post was in direct reply to and quoting someone else who had been let down by a single male.

If you read our other earlier reply you would find it was a more general answer.

K&T xx xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like everyone we believe our time to have fun and sex is precious and anyone who is using this site to collect pics or mess with genuine people ...should be named and shamed....we are new but have experienced this nonsense and abuse. the block is the only tool to avoid this happening again but doesnt help the next victims who dont know about the timewaster. Kirsty/Jamie xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ive actually been let down 3 times now, the poor chap in hospital is forgiven but the other two went all quiet on me on the day we were meeting, ive realised if he doesnt reply to numerous texts its a sure sign hes bottled it. It is really frustrating when there are so many lovely single guys who really want to meet and i pick the tossers

As a couple, who keep getting messages from single guys wanting to meet us and after reading single guys posts and conversations in chatrooms about how hard it is for single men to meet cples and single ladies, we just can't believe any single male lucky enough to get the opportunity to meet some of the lovely ladies answering this post, are idiotic enough not to make sure they get there, the mind boggles

I, Tom, also cringe when we see conversations in the chatroom where a lady has been chatting to a single man and he expects her to travel to him, we'd have thought as the chances to meet swingers is so limited they'd be prepared to do all the traveling?

K&T xx xx"
Maybe he thought the couple might like the option to travel to him,to show he was truly single? Just a thought.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We had a no show a few years back and we did get quite worried about them and the fact they had our address! The excuse given a couple of weeks later was they had a massive falling out with each other on the way to us. So, turns out its a good job we didnt get to meet!

Anyway, since then, any new couples that come to our house we will sometimes meet at a pub etc and then at least they not got our address!

Anyway, naming and shaming will never be allowed and anyone doing so on fabs will be likely to be banned from the site completly.

We are the same, we always like to meet in a pub first to see how we get on,like the look off, feel at ease with ecy before either inviting them to ours or for them to invite us to theirs, that way at least they have turned up and youve got a chance to suss them out before telling them your home address.

Steve"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're right. But I have arranged to meet someone, they invited me around to their house after chatting to them on the phone and online a for a few weeks. Then when i got there they wouldn't answer the door!!! Even though I saw them open the curtains to see who it was. It was very starnge despite them having numerous verications. "
In every system there can be a flaw. If you get a group of wasters verifying each other(their own little gang,set up for laughs at others expense). Then,the verifications look good. You would only need a couple of gen verifieds gone bad to start up this situation. Does name n shame work? No. Is the verification system foolproof? No.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top