FabSwingers.com forum: Guys...

By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man
over a year ago

salisbury

imagine you'd met the female half of a couple. You click and you often message each other on WhatsApp etc. Then one day the husband asks you to stop contacting his wife. Do you stop? Or do you think "well she hasn't asked me to stop, so i won't".?

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

" imagine you'd met the female half of a couple. You click and you often message each other on WhatsApp etc. Then one day the husband asks you to stop contacting his wife. Do you stop? Or do you think "well she hasn't asked me to stop, so i won't".?"
I would say to stop.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I would sat stop out of respect for their relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would say stop BUT why hasnt she asked you to stop ( i would wonder)

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been in that exact position. I stopped. If it's a three way relationship and someone isn't happy then it's going to end badly.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

I would say the woman has her own mind and it should be up to her. I would ask her if everything was ok. Try and gauge what the situation is. You don't want to cause an issue between them obviously.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Especially if he's asked you and not told you!

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

Let her know that her hubby has asked me to stop.... and then end messaging her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh definitely stop. You may never find out why, but when all said and done they're married. If it's causing problems at home do you REALLY want to be the one to break up a marriage?

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By *ngandnickCouple
over a year ago

Haverhill

The husband should be having that conversation with his wife and not you if he is not happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what you're saying is, you'd see if there was an in?

What if his problem is that he simply thinks you're growing too fond of his partner and he wants to tell you to lay off it, while his partner is your friend and is trying to defend you.

Personally I wouldn't go down this route, I'd ask her specifically to stop texting, but it's men with this attitude that some men worry about.

If a guy has had to ask you himself, he's likely not getting through to his other half and the relationship is already probably a little stressed or weak.

If you want to know how they are, wait it out. Talk to her when she's single if he's not happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, message her even more frequently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let her know that her hubby has asked me to stop.... and then end messaging her."

This is a good answer. Let's her know there may be something she needs to talk about, and respects his wishes too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, message her even more frequently."

Are you being serious or just trying to be contrarian?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, message her even more frequently.

Are you being serious or just trying to be contrarian?"

How did the husband contact him?

Was it from his own whatsapp account or from his wife’s? If it was from the wife’s one, then there is a problem.

I would be pissed off if my husband told me who I could or couldn’t talk to.

Being married doesn’t mean they own you.

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By *ommon_usernameMan
over a year ago

home

100% stop.

We are all here to have fun make friends and shag till the cows come home.

But there's always a limit.

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By *imetoexplore69Couple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"I would say the woman has her own mind and it should be up to her. I would ask her if everything was ok. Try and gauge what the situation is. You don't want to cause an issue between them obviously."
but by doing that you would be causing an issue.if a couple are happy to invite you into there relationship shouldint you be respecting BOTH and not just trying to fuck the guys Mrs under the guise of "just checking you are ok"

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"Been in that exact position. I stopped. If it's a three way relationship and someone isn't happy then it's going to end badly. "
m

Wholeheartedly agree , yes she is her own person but there must be something really worrying the guy to contact the OP himself

Swinging as a couple means exactly that - whether they can meet seperately or not and why get caught up in any crossfire between them

The OP is fucking his missus and the hubbie has embraced it but out of respect for him and his relationship let them iron out any issues whatever the result

Judgements can get clouded from excitement , attention , sex all sorts of things and maybe , as he most probably knows her better than you he might worry that she may be having her head turned for the wrong reasons x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would stop and be respectful. You met them as a couple. Continuing will only cause problems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, message her even more frequently.

Are you being serious or just trying to be contrarian?

How did the husband contact him?

Was it from his own whatsapp account or from his wife’s? If it was from the wife’s one, then there is a problem.

I would be pissed off if my husband told me who I could or couldn’t talk to.

Being married doesn’t mean they own you. "

That's not how this works in a fab sense though is it. What you're saying is, it doesn't matter to you if your husband is uncomfortable with you messaging a guy, he should shut the fuck and deal with it.

No he does not own you, but when you find a partner, you're supposed to give a fuck what they think.

Also, how he messaged wasn't specified, but it was implied it was seperately from any group chat that may have been going on from the wife. I took this to mean from the husbands own phone/device.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The husband should be having that conversation with his wife and not you if he is not happy"

this everytime we talk and if one is not happy then its a no go /or it stops simple as

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"I would say the woman has her own mind and it should be up to her. I would ask her if everything was ok. Try and gauge what the situation is. You don't want to cause an issue between them obviously.

So what you're saying is, you'd see if there was an in?

What if his problem is that he simply thinks you're growing too fond of his partner and he wants to tell you to lay off it, while his partner is your friend and is trying to defend you.

Personally I wouldn't go down this route, I'd ask her specifically to stop texting, but it's men with this attitude that some men worry about.

If a guy has had to ask you himself, he's likely not getting through to his other half and the relationship is already probably a little stressed or weak.

If you want to know how they are, wait it out. Talk to her when she's single if he's not happy "

No I am simply saying the woman as her own mind. If I was in this situation I would feel like stopping talking to her would be abandoning her. As I said gauge the situation. She might be vague so maybe have to read between the lines. If I wanted an "IN" I wouldnt mention the husband had contacted me but that is not what I suggested. Ok maybe better to say to the wife that her husband has asked me to stop and then back off. Wouldnt just not say anything to the mrs and cut contact I personally think that's rude. Additionally taking her out of the equation altogether which I think is unfair. My answer was more about her than the 3rd party. Quite frankly I don't like the tone you use with regards to me having this attitude. I care about people. You don't know me. So don't put words in my mouth.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"I would say the woman has her own mind and it should be up to her. I would ask her if everything was ok. Try and gauge what the situation is. You don't want to cause an issue between them obviously.but by doing that you would be causing an issue.if a couple are happy to invite you into there relationship shouldint you be respecting BOTH and not just trying to fuck the guys Mrs under the guise of "just checking you are ok"

Refer to my answer to the other couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say the woman has her own mind and it should be up to her. I would ask her if everything was ok. Try and gauge what the situation is. You don't want to cause an issue between them obviously.

So what you're saying is, you'd see if there was an in?

What if his problem is that he simply thinks you're growing too fond of his partner and he wants to tell you to lay off it, while his partner is your friend and is trying to defend you.

Personally I wouldn't go down this route, I'd ask her specifically to stop texting, but it's men with this attitude that some men worry about.

If a guy has had to ask you himself, he's likely not getting through to his other half and the relationship is already probably a little stressed or weak.

If you want to know how they are, wait it out. Talk to her when she's single if he's not happy

There was a question mark on that bit for a reason, I was trying to get clarity, and that's just one way that your answer could have been taken. Had the intention been to put words in your mouth, it would have been a statement and not a question.

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"The husband should be having that conversation with his wife and not you if he is not happy

this everytime we talk and if one is not happy then its a no go /or it stops simple as"

Absolutely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be pretty annoyed if Marc decided to tell a guy this instead of just talking to me and asking me to stop chatting because it's making him uncomfortable.

And I'm not a single guy, obviously, but if I was talking to one half of a couple and I got a message like this then I wouldn't want to continue messaging anyway. Sounds like something is up between them if they can't sort this out on their own. In my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Text is such a flawed way to communicate a counter point haha. There is always room to add a tone that was never intended.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"Text is such a flawed way to communicate a counter point haha. There is always room to add a tone that was never intended.

Yes indeed. My apologies If I misunderstood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d say show some respect for their relationship.

They were kind enough to allow you some involvement in it. Now they Or he doesn’t want it to continue. He may be speaking because asked him to. He may be feeling insecure and needs time.

Respect them and you may get reinvited at a later date.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would be pretty annoyed if Marc decided to tell a guy this instead of just talking to me and asking me to stop chatting because it's making him uncomfortable.

I can't think of a reason I wouldn't speak to my partner if I felt this way about a guy she was speaking to.

However, there's always a chance that this has already been spoken about, and the female half has become a bit smitten with the other guy. I can see a husband going this route out of desperation in a bid to try and appeal to other guys sympathetic side.

And there is also the chance that if the husband hasn't said why he wants you to stop, it could have even been because the female now feels uncomfortable but isn't willing to look rude and end the chat.

Without context as to why, this is a tough question in some ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've played with couples, sometimes for several years, most of the interaction and sometimes even meets with the female only. If I received a message asking me to back away, then that is what I would do. If I thought I was causing conflict in the relationship I wouldn't wait to be told I would walk away anyway.

If the female messaged asking why I had gone quiet I would say why, then leave it at that.

That's their business to sort out, not for me to complicate it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd stop but then again personally I wouldn't feel comfortable just speaking to one half of a couple unless arranging a meet with both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd stop texting. And i wpuld do so by informing the wife that her husband has asked me to. If he's uncomfortable with something then she needs to know, and may be avoiding the conversation by asking me to end communication rather than her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would stop messaging. I don't want to get involved in other peoples' drama.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she kept messaging me I would tell her that her husband had asked me to stop messaging. She should be sorting her shit out and not involving me.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

I agree. The reasoning behind the request to end the chat is very important. As someone said above you might never find out why. I can see the argument that to the 3rd party it doesn't matter why.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"I'd stop texting. And i wpuld do so by informing the wife that her husband has asked me to. If he's uncomfortable with something then she needs to know, and may be avoiding the conversation by asking me to end communication rather than her."

This explains what I was getting at better than I did myself.

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

this

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By *ikstupp2Man
over a year ago

london

"Let her know that her hubby has asked me to stop.... and then end messaging her."
yea this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would sat stop out of respect for their relationship "

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

How do you even need to ask this question?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you even need to ask this question?

Not everyone gets that just because objectively they're not trying to be a predator or homewrecker, sniffing around a potentially weakened relationship, that somebody won't subjectively view them as such.

It's shit, but it's a fact of life. Some people will always take what you say or do in a way that fits their own narrative, or their own opinion of you.

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Another spin on it could be that she doesn’t want to meet you anymore but because you messsge each other and have become close friends or whatever she doesn’t want to tell you to back off herself

Maybe she asked him to message you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would stop as I am allergic to hospital food.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Another spin on it. If i was the partner and my other half messaged someone I was chatting to to stop. If they did and I had no idea why I would be pissed. There are a lot of unknown variables in this situation.

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

How do you even need to ask this question?

It's shit, but it's a fact of life. Some people will always take what you say or do in a way that fits their own narrative, or their own opinion of you. "

Yeah true. Just seems self explanatory to me. I'd hope if it was me and I had a girl and told a guy to stop then he would and not need to start a thread to possibly ask what he should do

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By *wy69Man
over a year ago

Darlington

I would say stop, even though your wondering why! But its not for you to ask why. Let them sort out their own issues and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you even need to ask this question?

It's shit, but it's a fact of life. Some people will always take what you say or do in a way that fits their own narrative, or their own opinion of you.

Yeah true. Just seems self explanatory to me. I'd hope if it was me and I had a girl and told a guy to stop then he would and not need to start a thread to possibly ask what he should do

Maybe the OP is asking because it was his wife and he asked a guy to stop and the guy took some course of action that he found puzzling and now he wants to know what other guys would do? I dunno, but he isn't necessarily the one being told to stop in this situation (although, maybe he is).

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

How do you even need to ask this question?

It's shit, but it's a fact of life. Some people will always take what you say or do in a way that fits their own narrative, or their own opinion of you.

Yeah true. Just seems self explanatory to me. I'd hope if it was me and I had a girl and told a guy to stop then he would and not need to start a thread to possibly ask what he should do

True but if i was a betting man,and I'm not ha. Maybe he should 've made that clear in the first place no?. So OP,who is this story about?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you even need to ask this question?

It's shit, but it's a fact of life. Some people will always take what you say or do in a way that fits their own narrative, or their own opinion of you.

Yeah true. Just seems self explanatory to me. I'd hope if it was me and I had a girl and told a guy to stop then he would and not need to start a thread to possibly ask what he should do

True but if i was a betting man,and I'm not ha. Maybe he should 've made that clear in the first place no?. So OP,who is this story about?"

It gets more intriguing if you pay attention too, but calling attention to what's making it more intriguing will have me banned from forums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd ask her if she still wanted to speak to me and if she did then we'd carry on. I'd also be pissed off that the husband contacted me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd ask her if she still wanted to speak to me and if she did then we'd carry on. I'd also be pissed off that the husband contacted me. "

Well I guess in your case it's got the potential to be a different type of question haha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd ask her if she still wanted to speak to me and if she did then we'd carry on. I'd also be pissed off that the husband contacted me.

Well I guess in your case it's got the potential to be a different type of question haha. "

Why? I'd say the same if it was a wife contacting me. I'd still meet the husband if he wanted to.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"I'd ask her if she still wanted to speak to me and if she did then we'd carry on. I'd also be pissed off that the husband contacted me.

Well I guess in your case it's got the potential to be a different type of question haha. "

Interesting you had a go at me. Yet here it's a joke.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What would you do?

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By *azielMan
over a year ago

Midlands

I'd tell her that you've been asked to back off. Lessen the messaging and then stop. Let her know your there for her if your needed but for now you've got to calm it and say you don't want to be the cause of any drama or break up. If it's going to end let it happen naturally. They're married so they owe it to each other to try and resolve any issues they have. If they can't then the two of you may have a future. It's up to you but at least this was is abit more honourable. Hope that helps.

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