FabSwingers.com forum: Chat room etiquette.....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I would be really interested to hear people _iews of what they feel is acceptable on the subject below......

While in the chat room yesterday i can chatting away, as you do, was on cam as was several other woman, anyway there was this one woman on cam, just chatting when all of a sudden some guy started making negative comments about the way she looked, telling her that he didnt like 'fat' woman and her cam was boring

I must admit i was a little taken back by this and quite shocked that someone would say such a thing unprovoked, so i told him so

Only to be told he was allowed his opinion and could say what he wanted

Now this got me thinking

At the end of the day he wasnt really being abusive and im not sure what he said was reportable, as he was only telling her he didnt like the way she looked

BUT

all because we are allowed an opinion does that mean we should always voice it?

Now to me if i look at someones cam and i dont like the look of them, i just quietly turn it off and look at another, i do not feel the need to tell that person they are not my type or comment on them at all

Does anyone else thing its acceptable that, just because we are allowed to tell people, if we see someone on cam who isnt our typ

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

that last bit should read...

Does anyone else thing its acceptable that, just because we are allowed to tell people, for no reason, they arnt our type we should?

not sure what went wrong there lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was shocked when i read your post

i have never experienced this and i hope i wont

if i clicked on a cam and wasn't interested i would click off.

no need for such vulgarity on here

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

No need to say what he said... just no need.

However, many people rip guys who are wanking on cam, same... if you don't like it, click off their cam and don't rip them to pieces.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I don't think thats an acceptable way of telling someone that they're not interested

I thinks thats really rude and needless,there are nicer ways of saying thats someone is'nt your type and most adults that have some intelligence would think the same......I hope!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think thats an acceptable way of telling someone that they're not interested

I thinks thats really rude and needless,there are nicer ways of saying thats someone is'nt your type and most adults that have some intelligence would think the same......I hope!

yes i agree

but what got me the most was the woman wasnt even talking to him, its not as if she had asked him to meet and he was turning her down

It really was just out the blue, he'd com in, opened her cam and started making comments about what he didnt like about her

i found it very rude but was also quite shocked at the amount of people who defended his rights to have an opinion of her and voice it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

freedom of _iew i dont have a problem with , how people express it is entirly different

i think he was just a troll looking for trouble x

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"I don't think thats an acceptable way of telling someone that they're not interested

I thinks thats really rude and needless,there are nicer ways of saying thats someone is'nt your type and most adults that have some intelligence would think the same......I hope!

yes i agree

but what got me the most was the woman wasnt even talking to him, its not as if she had asked him to meet and he was turning her down

It really was just out the blue, he'd com in, opened her cam and started making comments about what he didnt like about her

i found it very rude but was also quite shocked at the amount of people who defended his rights to have an opinion of her and voice it

I wonder if those people that defended his right to say what he did would have the same opinion if the same comment had been directed at them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it's usually those who are not prepared to show themselves on cam who slate others

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By *odka n CokeCouple
over a year ago

Greater London

[Removed by poster at 04/09/11 09:35:30]

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By *odka n CokeCouple
over a year ago

Greater London

Hopefully, the other women on there will have made a note of his username and will be reluctant to meet or speak to him - what a shallow, negative a***hole

We all have our preferences and we don't need to put someone else down because they don't fit our criteria.

Good on you for sticking up for her, it's a shame more people didn't.

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By *r ManxMan
over a year ago

NeverWhere

Would it be accetabel to walk up to a stranger in the streeet and start insulting them about the way they look

So why can it happen on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be accetabel to walk up to a stranger in the streeet and start insulting them about the way they look

So why can it happen on here

thanks i was looking at saying that but brain hasnt kicked in yet x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the scenario, although the person who voiced his opinion has every right to do so, IMHO, he showed serious lack of consideration and good sense, and displayed very ungentlemanly behaviours.

I too would have said something to him, and would encourage everyone else to do so, in the hope that peer pressure would make him appreciate that his actions were inconsiderate and of bad taste.

I would then proceeed to block and ignore him, and give him my famous Siberian cold shoulder treatment!

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By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington

In my opinion he WAS being abusive. If she had started the interaction with him, then I would say he was entitled to voice his opinion.....however, to just click on someone's cam and start making derogatory remarks about them is abuse.

Yes everyone is entitled to have an opinion but to just pitch in and voice it to someone in this manner is unwarranted, unnecessary and unkind.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I've always believed that if you've nothing nice to say, then keep your trap shut.

I just hope the lady he was tearing to pieces isn't too upset by it all.

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

what it boils down to is that person has no manners, and in my opinion was trying to big himself up. as everyone else has stated if you dont like a cam you switch off, they is never any need for down right rudeness.

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By *eavy Metal BallzMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"In my opinion he WAS being abusive. If she had started the interaction with him, then I would say he was entitled to voice his opinion.....however, to just click on someone's cam and start making derogatory remarks about them is abuse.

Yes everyone is entitled to have an opinion but to just pitch in and voice it to someone in this manner is unwarranted, unnecessary and unkind."

Even if she had started the interaction it still wouldn't be ok to be rude and nasty, the guy was being a dick plain and simple.

Everybody has got an opinion, _iew and preference , it's how we express it, that's what separates people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was very rude to voice an opinion on the way someone looks if they haven't shown the slightest interest in you or conversed with you in any way.

We all know that talking about people and discussing their looks, dress sense etc goes on sneakily behind peoples backs, either by pm to friends or in person, maybe at a social, when the person has walked past and someone will have a bitch about them.

The woman on cam obviously affected the guy in some way as he wouldn't have felt the need to be rude if she wasn't in direct conversation with him. Who knows she may have ignored a message off him at some point.

Lots of people talk about others', its commonplace. I have an odd dress sense at times, which gets me stared at and comments thrown at me as I've walked past, Happens quite a few times if I'm out with friends. I'm used to it so it doesn't overly bother me and if it did I wouldn't wear the clothes I do. Why people feel the need to comment on it when I haven't asked for their opinion bewilders me at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...i found it very rude but was also quite shocked at the amount of people who defended his rights to have an opinion of her and voice it

Yes, people have a right to voice their opinions, but ONLY within the chatroom rules, which include "other members of the chatroom must be treated with respect at all times." Spontaneously telling a cammer that they are unattractive and boring is disrespectful. This will have reduced this guy's chance of getting a meet from ANY of the ladies present, and he is lucky he wasn't banned from the chatroom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've always believed that if you've nothing nice to say, then keep your trap shut.

I just hope the lady he was tearing to pieces isn't too upset by it all."

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Most of the people who contribute to the Forums seem a reasonable bunch but there all sorts of people attracted to a swinging or sex site, Im afraid that includes all manner of nutters and social inadequates. I dont think we should be surprised when they rear their ugly heads.

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By *riseeTV/TS
over a year ago

MacKay

Naughty was I in the chatroom at the time? Because I witnessed the same thing happen last night in two of the chatrooms.

I was quite disgusted.

Sadly people tend to forget that there is a human being with emotions on the other side of that computer screen they stare into. It's not a video game where pressing 'reset' returns the life, shields and energy.

Some people lack self confidence and self esteem. Yes a fat person can be an offensive visual to people. I have difficulty with very overweight people, but I do look for personality over what is sometimes a genetic or other problem.

You know sometimes people put on weight because their self esteem is so low they eat poorly and hence add more weight. Being kind and sweet to an overweight person can change their life. I know, I've done this with several including a few celebrities who have lost their way.

We live in a sad world where people aren't taught how to communicate but that they can communicate. And sadly most people see communications as a one way process - their _iew at you. Few listen and very few have the capacity to gain insight and reflect on how their behaviour affects the person they are engaging with.

There is only one aspect that you may not have considered.

Humiliation.

Some people who have a body dysphoria or disability, although normally are offended by derogatory comments, could well, in this environment, thrive on the humiliation and abuse.

The entire chat may have been 'set up' to draw attention to the woman, with both people making nice comments and as is always the case sheep backing what might appear as a bully.

She may well have been getting off on the entire attention, and perhaps disappointed by any lack of attention.

We are in a complex area of fetish and desire here.

I know I'm greatly offended when people call me a TV. I can assure you, when I go to the High Court in a mid though vintage black dress, heels and makeup, it's not with sexual arousal on my mind. Nor when I go and buy my groceries.

Ignorance is one thing, some people however are wholly stupid (as I saw last night when I realised I as being blocked by a few people! Haha!)

Prejudice however is never acceptable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" and in my opinion was trying to big himself up"

Despite what some alpha males think; putting others down does NOT make yourself look better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely unacceptable.

It seems to have become popular for people to think that speaking ones mind is actually a good thing. It is completely dependant apon the mind in question.

Quite often the mind doing the speaking, is often a dull witted, loud mouthed one,with little to say.

The idea that this philosophy is somehow, something to be admired, and held in higher regard than tact is a great pity.

Of course, used correctly, it can be inspirational. Standing up against tyranny, bullying and injustice etc.

Calling someone fat and boring? I would say he was just a loud mouthed oaf.

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By *ostboysMan
over a year ago

doncaster

You will always find arrogant A--h---s, on these sites. It is the way they get to upset peoples feelings.Probably suffered rejection first hand so wants to take it out on others unfortunately.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

It is abuse and if there was no mod in the room to deal with it then it should be reported.

I can't understand how some people can be so nasty and rude, at least it shows their true colours so you can avoid them.

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

We missed this last night, but we are usually iin one of the chat rooms on a Saturday evening. But what this guy did was totally unacceptable and he should be reported and banned! As sunny has pointed out, there are rules and he broke them in a big way!

There have been many discussions on this forum about the rights of people to “speak their minds” and the general consensus has always been that people have the right! In fact some have said they have no problem about being rude to people!

In our relatively short time on the forums, I have disputed anyone’s right to upset people in this way and have usually been ragged because of it! FFS.. Some have even said in open forum that they don’t care if they upset people! If I felt I have upset someone, I will apologise by another post or by private message.

Perhaps an incident like this will help to change peoples attitude, although some on this thread are still extolling peoples rights to speak their minds. (Unless of course they are on the receiving end!)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

It interests me when people say 'everyone has a right to voice their opinion'

The philosophy behind this comes from ideas about 'freedom of speech'

NO ONE has a RIGHT to voice an opinion or a RIGHT to free speech.

There are caveats and consequences ( socially and legally ) of which people should take heed before speaking their minds.

One of the most overused phrases here is 'I have a right to voice my thoughts'

No. You don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been called 'gross' and 'disgusting' in chat for having body hair, and told to shave it off. By people I don't know and have no interest in. I'd never insult anyone's cam if it wasn't for me, I'd just turn it off.

It tells you a lot about other people when they do this - I'm pretty sure they wouldn't like to hear my opinion of them. I block anyone making pejorative comments, but I wouldn't like to think of anyone being upset or leaving the site because of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well if I had still been a chat mod I'd have banned him immediately - simple.

Being offensive to other users is (or at least when I was modding, was) against the rules ...

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Well if I had still been a chat mod I'd have banned him immediately - simple.

Being offensive to other users is (or at least when I was modding, was) against the rules ..."

yup

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello Ruggers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well if I had still been a chat mod I'd have banned him immediately - simple.

Being offensive to other users is (or at least when I was modding, was) against the rules ..."

... and still is

Mods in the room should deal, if no mods then report (and block).

If ive said it once, ive said it a million times... If more people were to block rude people in the chat room instead of goading them and laughing at them when they are banned, then they would soon learn to behave, as the membership on the site that they can interact with will suddenly diminish.

Steve

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Hello Ruggers

Hello Redhot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Errrrm that took you 2hrs and 49minutes

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Errrrm that took you 2hrs and 49minutes

I know. I'm sorry, but I have a note for my absence

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Yes everyone is entitled to have an opinion but to just pitch in and voice it to someone in this manner is unwarranted, unnecessary and unkind."

This! It may not have been name calling but it's abusive all the same. You wouldn't say that to someone in the street or at work or in any other social situation so why is it acceptable in a chatroom?

I'd have reported it. Opinions are one thing but its not acceptable to be rude on the forums so why is it acceptable in the chatroom? It's not. Or at least it shouldn't be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Errrrm that took you 2hrs and 49minutes

I know. I'm sorry, but I have a note for my absence

On this occasion I will accept your excuse, but don't let it happen again or the consequences of your transgression will be severe

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Sounds kinky

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

The Wild Wetness

I think 9 and 13 cover this senario rather well.

Other members of the chatroom must be treated with respect at all times.

Any other behaviour which a moderator believes to be disruptive, offensive or otherwise inappropriate for this site.

All in all though it's unlikely the guy was here for a meet or even kinky fun. His or her sole aim was probably to find someone and insult them. Call them a troll or a WUM or what ever you like, but basically they are people who gain great enjoyment from winding up people and insulting people and causing emotional distress.

These would be the same types of people who like to go to memorial webpages and say ha ha ha glad your dead or other insults to hurt the family.

Saying that people don't think about there being another human at the other end is wrong. They do know that there is another human and they get great enjoyment from their actions.

There is little reasoning with someone like this and hurling insults back only increased their enjoyment as a reaction is what they seek. The most that can be done is a swift block, report and ban.

Asking why are people like this is a waste of thought. Some people just like others to be hurt.

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