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Met the Ex's guy playing away at club??

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By *hil McAvity OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Met my Ex's fella playing with a very young 'lady of the night' in a club. He doesn't know me & wouldn't be bothered if he did as I'm single unless it gets back to work lol

Any way, much as I hate the Ex what should I do. Tell her & watch her squirm & deny it or just keep stumm?

Dilemma heh heh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No dilema: mind your own business and say nothing. How do you know she doesn't know? Apart from "getting one over on her" how does it affect you?

Don't get involved!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ditto to Sassymiss, you could get yourself in over your head very fast here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Met my Ex's fella playing with a very young 'lady of the night' in a club. He doesn't know me & wouldn't be bothered if he did as I'm single unless it gets back to work lol

Any way, much as I hate the Ex what should I do. Tell her & watch her squirm & deny it or just keep stumm?

Dilemma heh heh "

Bitter lemons!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably best to leave it mate. Dont know how long ago you broke up or the story behind the break up but I know hard it can be to leave it alone if you get a chance to stick the knife in. But believe me, be the bigger man and say nowt.

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By *ibrosMan
over a year ago

harrow

You knew the answer before you posted.

I'd probably want to tell all my mates, but leave your ex out of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh um lol

I personally think it depends why your thinking of telling her, if it to get back at her for some reason then thats just cruel to use such a thing as ammunition

If it because you genuinly care that shes getting messed about then its a tough one

I personally would want to know if someone was doing that to me as im sure everyone would, even those so say keep you nose out, im sure they wouldnt feel the same if it was them

Its one thing to find out your partners cheating on you, its another thing knowing people you know also knew they was cheating on you and didnt care enough about you to let you know

If it was someone i knew personally, a friend or a family member, even if it was a friend i knew thro swinging then i would tell them

And not to hurt them and its not something i would do lightly but i just think they have a right to know, i would sooner someone fall out with me for telling them than fall out with me because they found out after it came out that i knew and said nothing

Everyone will have their own opinion on a subject such as this and theres no right and wrong answer only you can decide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be the better man and forget it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just as a mater of interest tho, how do you know your ex's fella if he dont know you?

Your obviously not close as you say you hate her and shes obviously never chatted to you while shes with him or he'd know you too?

I can only assum you have seen them together in passing at some point, in which case they may not even be together any more or as someone else pointed out she may know he meets others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/09/11 05:23:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be a swinger requires maturity and discretion. Are you sure you have these character traits?

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By *hil McAvity OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Thanks for the advice guys I know him as he's on her Facebook page & in relationship. My daughter also confides in me as like me she has seen the 'fury' she bestows lol

I'm keeping stum for know but reckon my course of action will be some how to warn him that he's not playing fair.

I have an 'impressive' stature & reckon the appropriate word would do the trick. I am only considering that as an option as he is in my 14yr old daughters life too. I kid myself re my feelings about ex, couldn't care less is more appropriate it's what effect another 'break up' would have on my lass

Again thanks for the comments

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Met my Ex's fella playing with a very young 'lady of the night' in a club. He doesn't know me & wouldn't be bothered if he did as I'm single unless it gets back to work lol

Any way, much as I hate the Ex what should I do. Tell her & watch her squirm & deny it or just keep stumm?

Dilemma heh heh "

How sad.

I genuinely feel sorry for your ex on so many levels.

The 'Tell her & watch her squirm' line says so much about you, your motivation and for you to even consider being so cruel leads me to wonder whether you're still a headache to her in other ways. (I may be way out, but hey, it's a forum and it's the first thing that came into my head when I read your post).

She's trying to move on and MAY be in a dishonest guy.

Sad......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for the advice guys I know him as he's on her Facebook page & in relationship. My daughter also confides in me as like me she has seen the 'fury' she bestows lol

I'm keeping stum for know but reckon my course of action will be some how to warn him that he's not playing fair.

I have an 'impressive' stature & reckon the appropriate word would do the trick. I am only considering that as an option as he is in my 14yr old daughters life too. I kid myself re my feelings about ex, couldn't care less is more appropriate it's what effect another 'break up' would have on my lass

Again thanks for the comments "

I did not see this post before writing my first post, we must have been writing at the same time.

That said, the 'let her squirm' line still leaves me questioning your motivation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, I don`t know about reading to much into this..

I believe we all have a shadow, a side of our personality that lies ready to hijack our consciousness..

Most of us can identify with the devil on one shoulder, an angel on the other...

I hear this conflict on a regular basis..it doesn`t mean they are bad people,just human...

I think the OP knows what to...his post was illustrative, not prescriptive...

Anyways...who knows...

Hope you do the right thing OP..but thats a can of worms on here ...

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol


"To be a swinger requires maturity and discretion. Are you sure you have these character traits? "

I don't think that's a fair comment to make. The guy is not swinging - he's cheating. I don't see why the OP should be discreet over that?

Personally, having been there myself in the past, if someone I knew, knew my OH was cheating, I would expect them to tell me. Finding out you've been cheated on is not whats so difficult to handle - it's when you find out that everyone knew before you and said nothing - that's humiliating.

*Her*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be a swinger requires maturity and discretion. Are you sure you have these character traits?

I don't think that's a fair comment to make. The guy is not swinging - he's cheating. I don't see why the OP should be discreet over that?

Personally, having been there myself in the past, if someone I knew, knew my OH was cheating, I would expect them to tell me. Finding out you've been cheated on is not whats so difficult to handle - it's when you find out that everyone knew before you and said nothing - that's humiliating.

*Her*"

His focus seems to be on his daughters best interest to be fair...

That said I do agree with yer post...been there...it wasn`t pretty..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for the advice guys I know him as he's on her Facebook page & in relationship. My daughter also confides in me as like me she has seen the 'fury' she bestows lol

I'm keeping stum for know but reckon my course of action will be some how to warn him that he's not playing fair.

I have an 'impressive' stature & reckon the appropriate word would do the trick. I am only considering that as an option as he is in my 14yr old daughters life too. I kid myself re my feelings about ex, couldn't care less is more appropriate it's what effect another 'break up' would have on my lass

Again thanks for the comments "

What do you mean by "impressive stature"?

Do you mean he would find you a little intimidating if you confronted him face to face?

I can understand your concern if he's in your daughters life. If you get involved and it doesn't go the way you expect, then it could turn your girl against you too.

You were both in a swing club, if I understand correctly. Do you really want your girl to know?

Tough one mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/09/11 12:56:36]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Met my Ex's fella playing with a very young 'lady of the night' in a club. He doesn't know me & wouldn't be bothered if he did as I'm single unless it gets back to work lol

Any way, much as I hate the Ex what should I do. Tell her & watch her squirm & deny it or just keep stumm?

Dilemma heh heh "

I think its none of your business to get into. after all she is an ex for a reason leave her to get on with HER life without u in it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be a swinger requires maturity and discretion. Are you sure you have these character traits?

I don't think that's a fair comment to make. The guy is not swinging - he's cheating. I don't see why the OP should be discreet over that?

Personally, having been there myself in the past, if someone I knew, knew my OH was cheating, I would expect them to tell me. Finding out you've been cheated on is not whats so difficult to handle - it's when you find out that everyone knew before you and said nothing - that's humiliating.

*Her*"

i also think that just because we are swingers that does not give us a free reign to do what we want knowing that all out 'discreet' swingers mates will keep stum and cover for us

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

No dilema and messenger will be shot!

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By *riseeTV/TS
over a year ago

MacKay

If you wish to tell your ex because you believe she is unaware that her partner is cheating on her, then I would certainly tell her. She may not want to hear, that is her problem. You need only say it once and end the conversation. But I'd prepare what you intend to say.

If she cheated on you and now he's cheating on her, then it's karmatic and I'd still be telling her so she can reflect on her behaviour.

If you cheated on her and that's the reason for 'ex' status, then you aren't the best person to tell her.

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By *hil McAvity OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"If you wish to tell your ex because you believe she is unaware that her partner is cheating on her, then I would certainly tell her. She may not want to hear, that is her problem. You need only say it once and end the conversation. But I'd prepare what you intend to say.

If she cheated on you and now he's cheating on her, then it's karmatic and I'd still be telling her so she can reflect on her behaviour.

If you cheated on her and that's the reason for 'ex' status, then you aren't the best person to tell her.

"
relationships fail without the need to 'cheat' I believe in trust & was monogamous for many years. Swinging came into my life through a subsiquent partner the Ex would never entertain or turn a blind eye to it.

To those judgemental people: relationships are complicated enough when they work. My Ex put me through hell at the time & for the last 4 yrs has made it difficult for me to see my kid. 2 sides to every story & yes I agree 'watch her squirm' isn't the nicest comment & was more knee jerk & opportunistic to 'strike back' at a women who took my love & ripped me appart,

I think things through before i act usually. I look at bigger picture before acting hence this post.

I will be speaking to him & not her, then it's up to them to address HIS issues IF he has the balls to confront the needs he feels he must have to cheat on her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you wish to tell your ex because you believe she is unaware that her partner is cheating on her, then I would certainly tell her. She may not want to hear, that is her problem. You need only say it once and end the conversation. But I'd prepare what you intend to say.

If she cheated on you and now he's cheating on her, then it's karmatic and I'd still be telling her so she can reflect on her behaviour.

If you cheated on her and that's the reason for 'ex' status, then you aren't the best person to tell her.

relationships fail without the need to 'cheat' I believe in trust & was monogamous for many years. Swinging came into my life through a subsiquent partner the Ex would never entertain or turn a blind eye to it.

To those judgemental people: relationships are complicated enough when they work. My Ex put me through hell at the time & for the last 4 yrs has made it difficult for me to see my kid. 2 sides to every story & yes I agree 'watch her squirm' isn't the nicest comment & was more knee jerk & opportunistic to 'strike back' at a women who took my love & ripped me appart,

I think things through before i act usually. I look at bigger picture before acting hence this post.

I will be speaking to him & not her, then it's up to them to address HIS issues IF he has the balls to confront the needs he feels he must have to cheat on her. "

But why do you still feel you need to involve yourself in their business? Why haven't you been able to move on?

The majority of us have an ex, doubt many of us would feel the need to intervene if we saw our ex's partner "playing" away as we're not bitter and have moved on and happy in our own lives.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

to be honest it's got nothing to do with you.

Don't say anytjhing to anyone and get on with your life and make sure that you are there for your kids if things between your ex and this new fella gc tits up.

As has been said before we all have bad split stories similar to yours !!!! mine was 4 years ago and it at the time destroyed me and havent spoken to her since !!!! however I would never dream of interfeering in her new life, I just wish her happiness.

So take all the good advice that you have got from this post and leave it and move on....your bigger than that mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be a swinger requires maturity and discretion. Are you sure you have these character traits?

I don't think that's a fair comment to make. The guy is not swinging - he's cheating. I don't see why the OP should be discreet over that?

Personally, having been there myself in the past, if someone I knew, knew my OH was cheating, I would expect them to tell me. Finding out you've been cheated on is not whats so difficult to handle - it's when you find out that everyone knew before you and said nothing - that's humiliating.

*Her*

His focus seems to be on his daughters best interest to be fair...

That said I do agree with yer post...been there...it wasn`t pretty.."

Take a look at his status on his ad. Doesn't seem that concerned, more crowing and enjoying the fact his ex's current is cheating.

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By *hil McAvity OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"To be a swinger requires maturity and discretion. Are you sure you have these character traits?

I don't think that's a fair comment to make. The guy is not swinging - he's cheating. I don't see why the OP should be discreet over that?

Personally, having been there myself in the past, if someone I knew, knew my OH was cheating, I would expect them to tell me. Finding out you've been cheated on is not whats so difficult to handle - it's when you find out that everyone knew before you and said nothing - that's humiliating.

*Her*

His focus seems to be on his daughters best interest to be fair...

That said I do agree with yer post...been there...it wasn`t pretty..

Take a look at his status on his ad. Doesn't seem that concerned, more crowing and enjoying the fact his ex's current is cheating. "

Fair comment. At time prob was more bemused/amused after all I know my ex. Cheating is not fair in anyone & as I've, in my eyes, been treat like sh1t by her yes I probably did gloat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/09/11 03:32:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can anyone say it's got nothing to do with you.It's got everything to do with you, you're thinking about your daughters best interest. But I can also get with the gloating aspect. Maybe it's coz I'm a man with kids who was cheated on (twice) by his wife. Alittle bit biassed? Probably! But 5 years on and I look at things a lot differently, especially as it happened again since. If you see my earlier post I do reckon it's best to leave it though. Depending on how recent your split is I can understand the dilema. But believe me, time is a great healer and lets you see things a lot clearer in the long run. Just remember this, if you do tell her and later on it turns out to be the wrong thing to do you cant go back and undo it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op needs to take a long hard look in the mirror.

I mean what is possibly wrong with wanting to screw up your new partners relationship some years after you broke up?

Oh wait, yes you need to protect your daughter. Of course, silly me, so protect your daugher by gloating and watching her mpther squirm, nope popular consesnus says that would make you a bit of an arse. Ok lets use your physical size to intimidate him? Because your dad fighting with your mother's partner about the fact that they saw each other in a swingers club, your kid will be fine with that won't she?

Seriously, based on your attitude in ths thread I can't help but wonder why on earth your ex is difficult about seeing your daughter...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and how do you know she was a lady of the night? Jealous that not only doid she get the ex, when he goes clubbing he does better than you? Or is that your hosnest opinion of females in clubs?

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