FabSwingers.com forum: BDSM training

By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

I just got a message from a 'Master' and I asked what made them a master - the usual questions to out the wannabes...

'I'm accredited' he said very seriously. 6 week training course in London apparently. Fucking hell is that all it takes to become a master? There was me thinking it took years to attain such a level of mastery

I've now been offered a 15 minute 'trial'. I'm waiting to hear what he can do in that time.

Can you tell I can't sleep and keeping myself entertained by keeping this conversation going...

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By *kexpat81Man
over a year ago

Aldgate

Haha I agree with you softly.

Plus I would say you either have it in you, or you don't.

I don't think you can train yourself to be a dom (whether pour male or female). To me it's in the eyes and personality already.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just got a message from a 'Master' and I asked what made them a master - the usual questions to out the wannabes...

I've now been offered a 15 minute 'trial'. I'm waiting to hear what he can do in that time.

Can you tell I can't sleep and keeping myself entertained by keeping this conversation going...

I can't sleep either at least you have something to keep you entertained haha

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By *laytimenowMan
over a year ago

Essex

A master can be someone who has depicted all his scenarios in his head for 20 years + without ever meeting a single sub.

He may just be looking for the right sub .

Then again he probably was a chancer .

I know a guy who was a non practicing dom .

He had detailed knowledge of rope work had a library of kink to be impressed by & money to burn on anything he wanted .

Had spent thousands on a dungeon that would professional dommes to shame .

But had never met the right sub ( physical/mental attraction not limits ) .

Havent seen him for a few years he was seeing a woman

For his normal sexual needs but not one for his kink.

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By *nlyfun3Woman
over a year ago

NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts

I often find a good answer to that question is to realise the sub is the 1 ultimately in charge. But i agree its not a 6 week course. Too many r flipant about being a master.

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple
over a year ago

luton

"A master can be someone who has depicted all his scenarios in his head for 20 years + without ever meeting a single sub.

He may just be looking for the right sub .

Then again he probably was a chancer .

I know a guy who was a non practicing dom .

He had detailed knowledge of rope work had a library of kink to be impressed by & money to burn on anything he wanted .

Had spent thousands on a dungeon that would professional dommes to shame .

But had never met the right sub ( physical/mental attraction not limits ) .

Havent seen him for a few years he was seeing a woman

For his normal sexual needs but not one for his kink.

Lucky git.... wish i had the financial means, as i have the perfect woman and a very Dom streak in me

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By *laytimenowMan
over a year ago

Essex

"A master can be someone who has depicted all his scenarios in his head for 20 years + without ever meeting a single sub.

He may just be looking for the right sub .

Then again he probably was a chancer .

I know a guy who was a non practicing dom .

He had detailed knowledge of rope work had a library of kink to be impressed by & money to burn on anything he wanted .

Had spent thousands on a dungeon that would professional dommes to shame .

But had never met the right sub ( physical/mental attraction not limits ) .

Havent seen him for a few years he was seeing a woman

For his normal sexual needs but not one for his kink.

Lucky git.... wish i had the financial means, as i have the perfect woman and a very Dom streak in me

He is .

Its not me btw .

I am looking for him though just inncase there is a finders fee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is the correct method and length of time to train a dom?

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Can I get a certificate and a badge?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can I get a certificate and a badge?"

Firebox.com does a print your own package, they send the pin for the badge in the post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't realise I needed to be accredited.. Do I put it on my linked in profile too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I often find a good answer to that question is to realise the sub is the 1 ultimately in charge.. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The roles are somewhat intrinsic to the personality just as some cannot serve as a true sub - training also offered here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always understood the definition of a master is someone who has relationship of control and service and the other person calls them master and submits. The questions that arise from OP s comments are' Can someone be a master outside of a relationship and what attributes should master have? '

The answers are difficult, firstly the scene does not want to set definitions for words. As an example there is no agreement on the definition and attributes of fundamental words such as 'dominant'and 'submissive. Therefore to define 'master may be a step too far.

Secondly following on from the above comment, it is argued by some, definitions and attributes are irrelevant as there should be social interaction first to determine if a relationship should occur and the nature of such relationship if it should occur.

However practical experience leads me to suggest that the approach is this. If a person is looking for someone to fulfil a role they need a list of their own personal requirements rather than creating a list of the attributes of a 'true master' 'mistress' true dom/domme' or true sub' because you will not get a consensus on any list. Also a third party list will not meet personal requirements.

With respect I disagree when people say you have to be naturally dominant or you are not a dominant. I tend to find that people who think they are naturally dominant (and their subs) are the ones that say you have to be naturally dominant. I think you can be naturally a bully or a sociopath each are good at naturally manipulating people. However socialising and getting on with people is learned behaviour. The modern understanding of a dominant in D/S requires, observation, understanding and empathy towards a particular individual. Being dominant in a relationships is more than taking control. I also believe two way communication makes a better relationship. I have learnt from rope that a bottom that communicates makes for a better experience.

This leads to my next point I disagree that the sub is always in charge. In some relationships that works but not all. I feel people confuse the normal right of a person to decide what can be done to their body as control. It is like saying the husband or wife is in control in a marriage as one can refuse to let the other do things to them. Submission is a relationship decision and neither party controls the other more than the other consents. As an example a dom can refuse to do things and the sub cannot force them to do it

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By *averingcoupleCouple
over a year ago

romford

Everybody have their own view what's making a good dom or a good sub!

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By *rMrs CumalotCouple
over a year ago

East Mids

Wow just wow

I’ve heard it all! A six week training course

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By *octor DeleriumMan
over a year ago

Wellingborough

"Wow just wow

I’ve heard it all! A six week training course "

I signed up for the course, but it was far too time intensive.

A couple of us got our certificates and things by asking one of the other trainee Masters to sign us in on the attendance sheets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow just wow

I’ve heard it all! A six week training course "

And do you get to put letters after your name when accredited ?

Wonder what they'd be ??

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

There is a 6 week training course? In London? How did I not know this. In all my years in the public scene that one totally passed me by...

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By *cd and scruffCouple
over a year ago

Rochester

Six weeks???

Took me three months to get my certificate. I kept 'failing' the practical.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

When you do a first aid course they have the resus-annie to practice on. Wonder if I can volunteer to be that person for 6 weeks

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By *arklordMan
over a year ago

rugeley

"I just got a message from a 'Master' and I asked what made them a master - the usual questions to out the wannabes...

I've now been offered a 15 minute 'trial'. I'm waiting to hear what he can do in that time.

Can you tell I can't sleep and keeping myself entertained by keeping this conversation going...

he's probably talking about the 6 weeks it took him to learn to wipe his own ass

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Can you find the details think I need to learn.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just got a message from a 'Master' and I asked what made them a master - the usual questions to out the wannabes...

I've now been offered a 15 minute 'trial'. I'm waiting to hear what he can do in that time.

Can you tell I can't sleep and keeping myself entertained by keeping this conversation going...

He’s just a wannabe!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Possible answers:-

You cannot learn to be, your born that way.

You cannot learn to be because your slave by submitting to you makes you so.

Because that's how it was in 50SoG

For most male subs, the vague possibility that calling a woman Mistress means they might get sexual contact with her.

* wanders off back to the common room at the nursing home as its nearly time for Countdown*

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"Can you find the details think I need to learn....."

Yes but can't look now I'm too busy waiting for my 15 minute trial. Actually I'm still waiting to hear what the hell he can do in 15 minutes...obviously speed domming. A bit like speed dating but with whips.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/10/17 21:21:04]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It might be the best 15 mins of your life! X

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"It might be the best 15 mins of your life! X"

Indeed. Let's hope he finds that 15 minute slot in his diary soon for me

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Can you find the details think I need to learn.....

We all need training, some more than others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *ink magnolia s yorksWoman
over a year ago

south yorkshire

Pmsl ooo an hour with me I'd have him learning his place

a course pmsl, you're born dominant or not, too many men think they're experts. I had a message from an idiot write virtually an essay of crap, I must call him sir etc... yeah..right! This bitch bites, not a chance. Put him in his place and told him he ought to learn to read, two weeks later another lot of crap, told him what I thought and black cord. When will people realise you can't demand respect

"I just got a message from a 'Master' and I asked what made them a master - the usual questions to out the wannabes...

I've now been offered a 15 minute 'trial'. I'm waiting to hear what he can do in that time.

Can you tell I can't sleep and keeping myself entertained by keeping this conversation going...

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By *ink magnolia s yorksWoman
over a year ago

south yorkshire

My subs are absolutely never allowed to touch me, as is correct in real bdsm rules and protocol.

X
"Possible answers:-

You cannot learn to be, your born that way.

You cannot learn to be because your slave by submitting to you makes you so.

Because that's how it was in 50SoG

For most male subs, the vague possibility that calling a woman Mistress means they might get sexual contact with her.

* wanders off back to the common room at the nursing home as its nearly time for Countdown*"

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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I know of a guy in London that offers these training courses - he seems pretty legit. He’s good if you are dominant but want to learn rope techniques, breathplay - the kind of stuff that can go horribly wrong if you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s no different really than the old munch and BBB seminars. I’m all for getting training from someone who knows what they’re doing.

Of course, that that was his answer is all wrong. Because I am. That is the only right answer. Amd you don’t start off as someone’s Master either, it’s something you become, develop into. At the beginning, no guy or gal is worthy of the title until they know you better than you know yourself.

Ah, to be a newbie again though. Actually, I have absolute nightmares about it

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

There is sometimes I wonder if there should be an f on bdsm , ‘cause fun appears to be missing for some.

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By *s ParisWoman
over a year ago

My Dungeon Room

Goodness me i am almost 30yrs in the lifestyle and they do training courses now to become a dom?? i better get advertising i should be holding classes if that were true lol. seriously give the person a very wide birth, you either have a dom/domme side in you, your certainly not trained into it you hear something new everyday

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I think training is fun

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

And some people look at me askance when i say that BDSM is the stamp-collecting of sex.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"And some people look at me askance when i say that BDSM is the stamp-collecting of sex. "

You mean like Penny is black?

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"And some people look at me askance when i say that BDSM is the stamp-collecting of sex.

You mean like Penny is black?"

The people are nice, but it's very organised, and somewhat introspective, quite geeky and devoid of spontenaeity.

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

Doms/Dommes are born not made. Pleasure from inflicting pain begins in the DNA.

Still I seek that cruel, sadistic woman.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Doms/Dommes are born not made. Pleasure from inflicting pain begins in the DNA.

Still I seek that cruel, sadistic woman."

Think Kant and Hulme would have an interesting discussion around this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doms/Dommes are born not made. Pleasure from inflicting pain begins in the DNA.

Still I seek that cruel, sadistic woman."

You're probably thinking of sociopaths.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Doms/Dommes are born not made. Pleasure from inflicting pain begins in the DNA.

Still I seek that cruel, sadistic woman.

You're probably thinking of sociopaths."

What both of us....

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Doms/Dommes are born not made. Pleasure from inflicting pain begins in the DNA.

Still I seek that cruel, sadistic woman."

What has being a sadist got to do with being Dom or Domme? They're completely separate things.

This new found master must be a quick learner I'm still learning years after choosing my path

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"And some people look at me askance when i say that BDSM is the stamp-collecting of sex.

You mean like Penny is black?

The people are nice, but it's very organised, and somewhat introspective, quite geeky and devoid of spontenaeity. "

There are a lot of geeks that find bdsm yes but I whole heartedly disagree that it is devoid of spontaneity, most of the best scenes I've ever been involved in have been totally unplanned, unnegotiated and very spur of the moment!

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"Can you find the details think I need to learn.....

Speed domming...lmao.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

If you think being a dominant is all about your pleasure.

I assure you....you are doing it wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any guy who thinks he is in control of a woman does not understand women.

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

"Doms/Dommes are born not made. Pleasure from inflicting pain begins in the DNA.

Still I seek that cruel, sadistic woman.

What has being a sadist got to do with being Dom or Domme? They're completely separate things.

This new found master must be a quick learner I'm still learning years after choosing my path

For a domme to be truly thrilling she needs to be a sadist with an unmistakable vein of sociopathy.

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By *FFB69Woman
over a year ago

Torfaen/Gwent

"My subs are absolutely never allowed to touch me, as is correct in real bdsm rules and protocol.

Correct for who? There are no "correct" or "real" rules.

Every D/S relationship is different. To say someone isn't doing it correctly because their sub touches them is ridiculious.

Please. Share with us these "correct" rules. I'm sure we'd all love to know where you got this idea.

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

There is a place for training to learn or improve specific skills and it's important to understand the safety aspects in any edge play. I've learned from different people over many years for things like shibari, CBT, needles, florentining and based on this and my many years experience on the BDSM scene I can't believe you can do a 6 week course and suddenly call yourself a master.

To use the word accredited made me laugh and I worry less experienced people will be taken in by a piece of paper. Of all the messages, not once did he ask what I like, what my limits are or try to understand what's inside my head. Surely that would be week 1?!

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By *FFB69Woman
over a year ago

Torfaen/Gwent

"There is a place for training to learn or improve specific skills and it's important to understand the safety aspects in any edge play. I've learned from different people over many years for things like shibari, CBT, needles, florentining and based on this and my many years experience on the BDSM scene I can't believe you can do a 6 week course and suddenly call yourself a master.

There are tons of courses to learn how to safely do things. But one to be an "accredited master"?!

I think some men just want to be called it and feel like that have complete control over a situation. Which any master/dom/domme or whatever would no does not lie with them but with the submissive.

And one who claims to be 100% in charge or doesn't care about the wants, needs and desires of the person they are playing with has no business calling themselves anything other than an idiot.

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By *nlyfun3Woman
over a year ago

NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looked on eBay for course to become master could find but found oven cleaning course could always teach my sub to clean ovens

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"Looked on eBay for course to become master could find but found oven cleaning course could always teach my sub to clean ovens

Nah don't teach them. Let them do it wrong so they have to do it again. And again.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Doms/Dommes are born not made. Pleasure from inflicting pain begins in the DNA.

Still I seek that cruel, sadistic woman.

What has being a sadist got to do with being Dom or Domme? They're completely separate things.

This new found master must be a quick learner I'm still learning years after choosing my path

For a domme to be truly thrilling she needs to be a sadist with an unmistakable vein of sociopathy."

For 'you'.

That wouldn't be much good for someone that wasn't a masochist would it?

Really sociopathy?... Ok. Careful what you wish for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many incorrect "facts" on this thread, it's laughable.. From all sides.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

If you can get me the contact details please....

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

"Doms/Dommes are born not made. Pleasure from inflicting pain begins in the DNA.

Still I seek that cruel, sadistic woman.

What has being a sadist got to do with being Dom or Domme? They're completely separate things.

This new found master must be a quick learner I'm still learning years after choosing my path

For a domme to be truly thrilling she needs to be a sadist with an unmistakable vein of sociopathy.

For 'you'.

That wouldn't be much good for someone that wasn't a masochist would it?

Really sociopathy?... Ok. Careful what you wish for."

I should be so lucky!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My subs are absolutely never allowed to touch me, as is correct in real bdsm rules and protocol.

Not for all though but if that works for you x

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"My subs are absolutely never allowed to touch me, as is correct in real bdsm rules and protocol.

Not for all though but if that works for you x "

I kind of like what goes in the moment than having to read what is the next real rule.

I’m with this last post, if it’s not spontaneous fun, why are you doing it.

Think we need a new club, TABDS club, not into the M,

The anarchist (BDS) club...

The rules are.... there is no rules unless it doesn’t involve fun.... by all parties.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Hey OP, I’ve signed up, how we fixed when I get my diploma?

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By *oubyLoverWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

[Removed by poster at 08/10/17 23:18:34]

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"Hey OP, I’ve signed up, how we fixed when I get my diploma?"

Yeah ok I'll allow you to give me a 15 min trial to show me what a 'proper' accredited diploma post nominaled true master can do

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Make sure you get it right lady, now, where do we start.....

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By *issyfaggotfayeTV/TS
over a year ago

Bolton

"Make sure you get it right lady, now, where do we start....."

Anal hook mmmmmmm

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Make sure you get it right lady, now, where do we start.....

Anal hook mmmmmmm

Consequence play on the back of it mmmmmmmm

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"Make sure you get it right lady, now, where do we start.....

Anal hook mmmmmmm

And you can't even see my private pics, you must have a crystal ball or something

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Make sure you get it right lady, now, where do we start.....

Anal hook mmmmmmm

And you can't even see my private pics, you must have a crystal ball or something

You mean the one with the vibrator against it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just got a message from a 'Master' and I asked what made them a master - the usual questions to out the wannabes...

I've now been offered a 15 minute 'trial'. I'm waiting to hear what he can do in that time.

Can you tell I can't sleep and keeping myself entertained by keeping this conversation going...

Did he mean a Jedi master!!

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