FabSwingers.com forum: what would you hate to hear during sex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Zzzzzzzz

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is it in yet?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Bloody hell darling, the ceiling needs painting

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

The neighbours shouting 'go on there son!'.... I would move

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Snoring!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ove actually said to our first meet "is it in yet" haha x

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By *itofamouthfullMan
over a year ago

Cotswolds

Son I think you've got the wrong bed your misses is in the room next door, that's your mum

#threadkiller lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A fart followed by a wet sound

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The front door open.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first serious boyfriend called me by another womans name during sex. Launched him off me and i brought it up in every argument for the next 9 years

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The front door open. "

Makes me think of: The hotel manager knocking on the door.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My first serious boyfriend called me by another womans name during sex. Launched him off me and i brought it up in every argument for the next 9 years

What about if it had been a man's name?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An ice cream van

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"An ice cream van"

I've got visions of the child catcher in Chitty chitty bang bang now.

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By *pikeyMan
over a year ago

chester

Woof Woof Woof from the dog

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By *essandpatCouple
over a year ago

chester

Dose your dog have to watch, x

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By *irl4girlsWoman
over a year ago

Celbridge

"Fuck here's the wife"

))

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

My dad shouting through the letterbox....

It actually did happen to me

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By *orkshire ladyWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Hubbies keys in the lock!

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By *owdyboy 890Man
over a year ago

Country West

That the dinner is cooked xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you're a grower and not a shower

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm bored

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By *ollipop77Couple
over a year ago

Dubai ( / Manchester)

'Is that it?'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't get it in, in this position. Your arse is too big"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A fart followed by a wet sound

Literally laughed out loud at that one.

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By *ornLordMan
over a year ago

Wiltshire and London

"Mummy, can I have a glass of water?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I can't get it in, in this position. Your arse is too big"

Your arse looks fine to me... bend over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I can't get it in, in this position. Your arse is too big"

Your arse looks fine to me... bend over

Why do you think I don't show it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck me thats sooooo small hahah

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By *aelawMan
over a year ago

Paisley

...Nothing...

Not sure how I would handle that...

*gulp*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you cum?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just use your finger instead please!!! Hahha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm so gonna make you cum"... my orgasm floats away, because nobody tells ME what to do

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By *uicy72Woman
over a year ago

North Colchester

"Just use your finger instead please!!! Hahha"

There's been a few times I would of liked to have said that lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just use your finger instead please!!! Hahha

There's been a few times I would of liked to have said that lol"

Hahahahahah xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I'm so gonna make you cum"... my orgasm floats away, because nobody tells ME what to do

I wont make u cum haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/09/17 01:18:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happens to everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about, "hold on a second, let me peel the scabs to make it easier..."

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

A knock at their bedroom door and a call from outside of good morning it's time to get up for your paper round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your cum taste disgusting,change ya diet our am not swallowing that again!!! My ex to me years ago hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It happens to everyone."

It really does though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Morring angel xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morring angel xxx"

Morning lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I can't get it in, in this position. Your arse is too big"

Your arse looks fine to me... bend over

Why do you think I don't show it?

Off to perv...err peruse...in ninja mode

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morring angel xxx

Morning lovely

Always nice seeing u in the forums angel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It happens to everyone.

It really does though

Oi that's supposed to be our secret

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morring angel xxx

Morning lovely

Always nice seeing u in the forums angel

xx"

You too sweet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It happens to everyone.

It really does though

Oi that's supposed to be our secret

Still having to reassure you after all these years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morring angel xxx

Morning lovely

Always nice seeing u in the forums angel

You too sweet

Sent u a friend request hun if its ok xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the alarm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the alarm"

Shouldnt be set haha x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It happens to everyone.

It really does though

Oi that's supposed to be our secret

Still having to reassure you after all these years

Lol you shoulder your burden very well. Angel in name and nature

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Silence. I hate when a partner is quiet. I want to hear moans and the odd grunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morring angel xxx

Morning lovely

Always nice seeing u in the forums angel

You too sweet

Sent u a friend request hun if its ok xxx"

That's fine lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It happens to everyone.

It really does though

Oi that's supposed to be our secret

Still having to reassure you after all these years

Lol you shoulder your burden very well. Angel in name and nature

I try to make my men feel special

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Morring angel xxx

Morning lovely

Always nice seeing u in the forums angel

You too sweet

Sent u a friend request hun if its ok xxx

Thank you,sent xxxx

That's fine lovely

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"evening all" in a policeman accent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a woman call me by her husband's name a few times which made me laugh, but conversely she used to call my name out when she was with her husband... he didn't like that so much

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By *itofamouthfullMan
over a year ago

Cotswolds

""evening all" in a policeman accent

Lol had this when I was only 17, luckily was our local officer who I knew quite well, he just told us to hurry up and find somewhere more private next time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""evening all" in a policeman accent

Lol had this when I was only 17, luckily was our local officer who I knew quite well, he just told us to hurry up and find somewhere more private next time

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

You want to put what where?

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By *rightonCheekyMan
over a year ago

Brighton

"Let me know when you've finished"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooh ooooooh Jim Fixed it for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you guess what it is yet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats not how i did it when i was a man......"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Welcome to the AIDS club

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your tighter than mummy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a peep... I hate silent sex partners.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Call me daddy.

Noooooo, if you're into DD/lg state it before the sex!

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I would hate to hear ...

' .. I hope my test results come through soon , been a little concerned after being one of 50 guys in the bareback gangbang'

Gulp

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Is it meant to be that colour?

Are you due on? There is a lot of blood here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ble is my favourite colour. Blue waffle however,...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I can't get it in, in this position. Your arse is too big"

Your arse looks fine to me... bend over

Why do you think I don't show it?

Isn't your answer to this... 'if it's not big enough to reach the goods and appreciation this arse then put the chipolata away!'

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By *rightonCheekyMan
over a year ago

Brighton

"I would hate to hear ...

' .. I hope my test results come through soon , been a little concerned after being one of 50 guys in the bareback gangbang'

Gulp

Or, this makes a change I'm normally gangbanged in the back of my van ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it meant to be that colour?

Are you due on? There is a lot of blood here.

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you due on? There is a lot of blood here.

That happened to me a few months ago. Safe to say she wasn't due on. 2 months without sex, and my bunjee is brand new! That was an experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I'm so gonna make you cum"... my orgasm floats away, because nobody tells ME what to do

Haha I can imagine them regretting that statement

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

'You're vagina looks different to any vagina I have seen'......he was kicked off the bed as fast as lightning!

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

I'm sorry must have been last nights beans.

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

Oops, I'll need to go back in, I seem to be missing a ring.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know aids is no longer the killer it used to be ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"mum, you in, brought my mates for tea"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you like broccoli too? I love it.

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By *exycouplemmmmCouple
over a year ago

Surrey

I actually got told once... "you have a very small clit"

... and your point is?!?! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shall we cuddle afterwards?

#byeFelicia

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After a passionate session just after he came he was on top with his arms still round me

Looked me in the eyes and asked,,,

"How's your mum ?" !!!!!!

I was gobsmacked

We divorced within a year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A great big enormous fart!!!!

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Her lighting a cigarette.

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By *itofamouthfullMan
over a year ago

Cotswolds

So I thought I'd call the baby........

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Tin tin... always thought that was a cartoon...

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By *uck4youMan
over a year ago

Amsterdam/London

"Someone left the immersion on!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The front door open.

Makes me think of: The hotel manager knocking on the door."

On two occasions I've been resting naked on a hotel bed with a man, and housekeeping have let themselves in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is that it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After a passionate session just after he came he was on top with his arms still round me

Looked me in the eyes and asked,,,

"How's your mum ?" !!!!!!

I was gobsmacked

We divorced within a year

Ha ha I did this with my ex wife! Lesson learnt

lolol

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By *fternoondelightsCouple
over a year ago

Rainham

That reminds me, must buy cocktail sausages tomorrow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you got anything bigger?

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By *igblackcockNgMan
over a year ago

Horny guy for fun in Suffolk

Are you done yet?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

"The front door open. "

At 2am, on a weekend the teens are staying with their dad.

Son popping home for an Xbox game.

I've never 'accommodated' since!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you was a Catholic would it be a metronome?

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By *oulmatesCouple
over a year ago

barnsley

true experience , with Mrs Soul taking advantage of me and my mate with recreational class A's scattered about the auditorium in a Travel lodge in Sheff ...... after hearing some knocking at the hotel room door , hearing the words ...."its South Yorkshire police could we just have a word please " .......

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"The front door open.

At 2am, on a weekend the teens are staying with their dad.

Son popping home for an Xbox game.

I've never 'accommodated' since! "

Hahahahaha I've never met at home and this is the reason why !

Looking to in the future but may we'll make them leave their keys here on those weekends

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By *essandpatCouple
over a year ago

chester

[Removed by poster at 05/09/17 17:23:22]

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By *essandpatCouple
over a year ago

chester

It's that for me, where's the rest of it x

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By *rHornyGentMan
over a year ago

South East London

"Woof Woof Woof from the dog

Had that on a meet...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can we hurry up I got the school run

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fart!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honey, I'm home!

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By *iscrete_respectfulMan
over a year ago

bewdley

The sound of them waking up ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Don't mind me'

as B&B owners mother entered the bedroom in her nightie while ex was pumping away..

Apparently she wanted to check out window was closed..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I've just remembered I need to be somewhere 30 seconds after they've cum

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By *oping for funMan
over a year ago

Newport - Shropshire

"Is it in yet?"

ha ha .. great put down

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By *oping for funMan
over a year ago

Newport - Shropshire

"Honey, I'm home!"

even better

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"true experience , with Mrs Soul taking advantage of me and my mate with recreational class A's scattered about the auditorium in a Travel lodge in Sheff ...... after hearing some knocking at the hotel room door , hearing the words ...."its South Yorkshire police could we just have a word please " ......."

Ooooh scary!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a fap fap fap sound from the wardrobe and the whirr of a camcorder

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By *100Man
over a year ago

Essex

The telephone or a knock at the door that's really off putting

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By *ogerNesszonesMan
over a year ago

Northern England

I've had a few absolute howlers in my time; ranging from my teenage years shagging a lass from Lupsett (dodgy area of Wakefield) who I met at my mate's 18th. We went back to her house and soon got down to business on the lounge sofa. At a crucial point of the proceedings, the girl's mum shouted downstairs "Will you two hurry up and finish, I'm trying to get some sleep"!

Whilst I was at uni, I had a young lady's family pooch sniff and lick my arse; what made matters worse is that the dog had the same name as my mate!

Probably the funniest was quite recently, when I met a couple at their house in the North East. In the throes of passion, I heard banging and clattering from the bedroom next door. I asked the wife what it was, she replied, "don't worry", she whispered breathlessly "it's his geriatric mother - she's got Alzheimers, so she hasn't got a clue what's going on"

I should write my memoirs, it's true, fact IS stranger than fiction.

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

A round of applause and cheers from the folk in the flat below.

It was the late 80s,we were students and the ones in the flat below and it was a very squeaky bed!

Squeak

Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak

Squeak.

Cheers and applause!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your cum taste disgusting,change ya diet our am not swallowing that again!!! My ex to me years ago hahaha"
mine tastes sweet, I shit you not.....drink vodka and ??

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By *he 5thMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

The door bell lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang on let me move the webcam

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By *fternoondelightsCouple
over a year ago

Rainham

Hurry up there a queue out here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just need to take my insulin shot, I shit you not lol.

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By *iamond coupleCouple
over a year ago

leeds

Just hurry up and don't forget to pull my nighty down when you are finished

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By *htcMan
over a year ago

the tv or any music, as i find i start listening to it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Next!"

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By *rightonCheekyMan
over a year ago

Brighton

I knew I should have douched first ....

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By *reman6976Man
over a year ago

Deeping St James

'Would all passengers make their way to the gate'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I knew I should of took the Imodium

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

Sorry about that, hope it doesn't smell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm bored!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone else's name.......

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

The sound of a chain saw starting

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By *arkDesiresPartiesCouple
over a year ago

London

"My first serious boyfriend called me by another womans name during sex. Launched him off me and i brought it up in every argument for the next 9 years

That sounds about right!

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By *entleman55Man
over a year ago

S’th West Mc/r

Shouted from downstairs...

Where's my dinner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it in yet? Lol when u been pounding away last 30mins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's for dinner.....

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By *100Man
over a year ago

Essex

I once heard there's a cup of tea for you both as my Mum left a tray on my bed side table and she never mentioned it ever but the wife and I still laugh about it lol

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

'You don't mind if the dog comes in the room do you ? He likes to see'

Yes this ACTUALLY happened to me on a fab meet !

I kid you not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'You don't mind if the dog comes in the room do you ? He likes to see'

Yes this ACTUALLY happened to me on a fab meet !

I kid you not

"
This is really strange. I hope you said no! Haha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to be a man you know?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My cock snap!

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"'You don't mind if the dog comes in the room do you ? He likes to see'

Yes this ACTUALLY happened to me on a fab meet !

I kid you not

This is really strange. I hope you said no! Haha. "

Actually I made out I received a text that I had to collect one of my children from school ... I am terrible at lying and actually was embarrassed at myself for not just telling him what I really thought !

Well naive back then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'You don't mind if the dog comes in the room do you ? He likes to see'

Yes this ACTUALLY happened to me on a fab meet !

I kid you not

This is really strange. I hope you said no! Haha.

Well naive back then "
At least it got you out of there haha. Some people are very strange.

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By *opman1111Man
over a year ago

belfast

Are you in yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jedwood!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Her saying I used to have a cock about the same size.

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