FabSwingers.com forum: Joke

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why dont witches fall off their broomsticks???

Cos they dont wear Knickers!!

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By *aelawMan
over a year ago

Paisley

Why did the hedgehog cross the road....

....to see his flat mate

Why couldn't the hedgehog wash his hair....

....he left his head and shoulders on the road

No hedgehogs were harmed in the writing of this post!

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By *empsey and hotpieceMan
over a year ago

North west

What’s the best way to titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate its tit a lot

Ps, to save some using google, an ocelot is a small wild cat

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By *izzlinCouple
over a year ago

Near Wolverhampton

What did the sea say to the shore ?

Nothing, it just waved.

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By *ogerNesszonesMan
over a year ago

Northern England

Here's a "gag", I heard last night:

What did Cinderella say when she finally arrived at the ball?

Oooooooochhhhh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's black, rings then screams

Harvey price answering the iron

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By *izzlinCouple
over a year ago

Near Wolverhampton

Did you hear about the 2 men who stole a calendar ?

They both got 6 months !

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By *mojeeCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"What's black, rings then screams

Harvey price answering the iron

You deserve a ban for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the most well known owl??

A tea towel

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"What's black, rings then screams

Harvey price answering the iron

You deserve a ban for that. "

Why?

Bad taste has been part of comedy since forever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed."

And a DIY shop coming soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's black, rings then screams

Harvey price answering the iron

I feel so wrong but that actually made proper laugh out loud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

And a DIY shop coming soon

Haha DIY has never been so popular

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!

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By *laytimenowMan
over a year ago

Essex

White horse walks in to a pub & asks for a pint of lager

Landlord : " we've got a drink named after you " .

Horse : " what Trevor "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does a blonde change a light bulb?

She holds onto it, and the world revolves around her...

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By *illymint45Man
over a year ago

Cheshire

Whats the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with a light on !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between anal sex and a microwave oven?

A microwave oven doesn't brown your meat.

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

Man: Doctor I think my wife is dead

Doctor: what makes you think that?

Man: well the sex is the same but the washing up is pilling up

Sorry

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

Paddy is the pub one night, he spots a beautiful women across the bar, after few drinks for courage he decides to go and try his luck with this lady,

'May I buy you a drink pls miss, I've been watching you from afar and think you're beautiful' Paddys says to her

She replies " wow that really is very kind of you but unfortunately you're not my type"

Not to be put off Paddy try's to reason with her 'look you hardly know me, I promise I could be the man of your dreams'

" I'm sorry I don't think you quite understand what I saying to you, I'm actually a lesbian'

"Oh" says paddy "what part of lesbia are you from?"

The lady laughs "look let me explain, you see that gorgeous bar maid, well I'd like to go upto her and kiss her forcefully on her lips, then I'd like to rip her top open and suck hard on her nipples, i want to pull her mini skirt up and suck hard on her clit until she cums right on my tongue"

"Oh be Jesus Mary mother of god" replies paddy, " I think I maybe a lesbian too"

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

My dad walked into my bedroom and caught me wanking once.

He said to me 'son if you keep doing that you'll go blind'

I said 'dad, I'm over here'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's black, rings then screams

Harvey price answering the iron

That is cold!

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By *uts123Man
over a year ago

Nr Ipswich

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Little girl at a wedding suddenly turns to her mother and ask's why is the bride wearing white.

The mother not wanting to get into a long winded answer simply tells her daughter that she is wearing white to show it's the happiest day of her life.

The little girl smiles happy with the answer, then ask's her mother.

So why is the man wearing black !!

Sorry i'll get my coat

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

My German girlfriend like to rate our sex between 1-10

Last night we tried anal, She kept shouting

9!9!9!

That's the best I have done so far

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

Australian fellas rings a sexual help line

"Hope you can help me mate, me girlfriends been stung on her minge by a wasp, it's all swollen and I can't get me dick in"

Helpline "ah bummer dude"

"I will, thanks mate, bye"

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

I saw a guy with his cock in a biscuit tin.

That blokes fucking crackers.

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

"I saw a guy with his cock in a biscuit tin.

That blokes fucking crackers."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a joke per se but... Made me chuckle still

On a scale of the mccanns to Jimmy Saville how much do you love kids

Or this one....

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her as an alter boy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my through customs by sticking it up her arse.

I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A teacher says to her class, "can anyone give me a sentence with the word dandelion in it".

A little Jamaican lad puts up his hand.

"Yes Desmond" says the teacher.

"Da cheetah is faster dandelion miss".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s the best way to titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate its tit a lot

Ps, to save some using google, an ocelot is a small wild cat

Lol, you mean there's people on here who don't know what an ocelot is?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bar, the barman goes "is this some sort a joke"

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

"A teacher says to her class, "can anyone give me a sentence with the word dandelion in it".

A little Jamaican lad puts up his hand.

"Yes Desmond" says the teacher.

"Da cheetah is faster dandelion miss"."

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By *ogerNesszonesMan
over a year ago

Northern England

After Elvis climbed out of their pool for the tenth time; Priscilla said to him "what's going on Elivis"?

He replied "I Can't help falling in, love".

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By *ogue78Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

So there i was shagging this gal over her kitchen table when there was a sound from the hallway.

"Shit", she says "quick, use the back door "

Now in hindsight i should've left, but when do you get an offer like that!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So there i was shagging this gal over her kitchen table when there was a sound from the hallway.

"Shit", she says "quick, use the back door "

Now in hindsight i should've left, but when do you get an offer like that!!"

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

"A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bar, the barman goes "is this some sort a joke""

Where's the Welshman or was he the barman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a drug dealer and prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

"What's the difference between a drug dealer and prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s the best way to titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate its tit a lot

Ps, to save some using google, an ocelot is a small wild cat

Lol, you mean there's people on here who don't know what an ocelot is?!"

Ha ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you here about the magician addicted to chocolate..

He had a couple of twix up his sleeve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you here about the magician addicted to chocolate..

He had a couple of twix up his sleeve."

Pfffffft OMG stop it

Right time to log off before I get the uncontrollable giggles from reading this thread.

Ha ha love these jokes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man goes into the doctors and says-doctor please help me as my one bollock is massive.

The doctor says-get it out lets have a look.

The man unzips his trousers and drops a bollock the size of a bowling ball on the doctors table.

The doctor bursts out laughing and says-wowwwwww that's massive let me take a pic of it to show my mates.

The man looks at the doctor and says-if your going to be like that and immature I'm not going to show you the big one x

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