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Dom / Sub relations

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

OK, so not sure what advice ill get on here but I am prepared for the shit-storm of useless comments but I am hoping to at least get one or two genuine replies.

So I have a bit of a dilemma, I have been in dom / sub relationships for a number of years and consider myself pretty experienced.

I have started seeing this fantastic girl, we have been chatting for a while and got talking because of our mutual interests in Dom/Sub relations.

Recently things took a massive upwards swing, as we met after a good few months of chatting. it was electric, it was amazing, no other words to describe it. Honestly, I have never connected with anyone on an emotional / mental level as I have with her.

We have hooked up a couple of times and it was great, nothing too extreme in terms of domination, but enough to wet the appetite and leaving us both wanting more. I have never been reluctant with any previous partners to progress to more extreme domination, but with her, I am feeling some sort of apprehension / caution and I am looking to see if firstly, this is a common thing when you connect this deeply with this, and also, what advice you would give?

Like I said, not looking for useless information.

Answers on a postcard or in fact, id prefer you to message me personally.

Thanks =)

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say thats a really good thing and shows that you are a good dom, as you are taking her into consideration, as an individual, and not just wanting to do your thing which many guys do. Just talk about it lots, no rush, safeword at the ready and when its the right time if you two are well connected which it sounds like you are, itll just happen and go really well, fully trusting each other, you two watch for signals and her to give them. Good luck and enjoy

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

The more you want the relationship, the more cautious you will be, not wanting to go too far, but the fire inside drives you to want it all now.

If the depth of feeling is reciprocated, the intensity will happen naturally. Make sure you encourage your partner to feel able to ask you to pause/stop then let your instinct guide you. I would suggest you make sure to debrief and watch out for her struggling with drop if she is not used to dealing with it.

Ultimately you have to do what feels right to you, if you are truly compatible you will not get it disastrously wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks guys, it is just something that is new for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My partner in crime won't do certain things to me, however much I beg him to, he says that he respects me too much for that, some things are ok for casual encounters but not for someone you care about. I totally disagree and just want him to do those things but he won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My partner in crime won't do certain things to me, however much I beg him to, he says that he respects me too much for that, some things are ok for casual encounters but not for someone you care about. I totally disagree and just want him to do those things but he won't. "

Thats a strange one on the other end of the spectrum. What about respecting your wishes, if you really wanted certain things and you are in a dom/sub relationship they should be open to discussion. I suppose everyone has limits, but I don't see how caring about someone too much should affect that sort of thing if youre in a trusting relationship. Is there ways you could ease into those things? Try from a lesser degree and work up?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My partner in crime won't do certain things to me, however much I beg him to, he says that he respects me too much for that, some things are ok for casual encounters but not for someone you care about. I totally disagree and just want him to do those things but he won't.

Thats a strange one on the other end of the spectrum. What about respecting your wishes, if you really wanted certain things and you are in a dom/sub relationship they should be open to discussion. I suppose everyone has limits, but I don't see how caring about someone too much should affect that sort of thing if youre in a trusting relationship. Is there ways you could ease into those things? Try from a lesser degree and work up?"

He's a dom but we're not in a Ds relationship. He sees a future with me and doesn't want to do certain things with the woman he wants to have kids with.

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By *aelawMan
over a year ago

Paisley

This happens so many times you won't believe. I have seen writing after writing over on Fet with the same question. I am glad here there are actually some intelligent responses and advice. Over on Fet it would tend to take a fundamental assassination of the fact you are asking the questions.

It's always confusing and a little daunting when the connection advances so far before the proper play begins. Excellent advice above though just have the conversation, every D/s dynamic is different and will have different progression and limits. Just have the talk and then explore the shit out of it!

And no matter how strong the connection gets, never forget aftercare, but you know that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My partner in crime won't do certain things to me, however much I beg him to, he says that he respects me too much for that, some things are ok for casual encounters but not for someone you care about. I totally disagree and just want him to do those things but he won't.

Thats a strange one on the other end of the spectrum. What about respecting your wishes, if you really wanted certain things and you are in a dom/sub relationship they should be open to discussion. I suppose everyone has limits, but I don't see how caring about someone too much should affect that sort of thing if youre in a trusting relationship. Is there ways you could ease into those things? Try from a lesser degree and work up?

He's a dom but we're not in a Ds relationship. He sees a future with me and doesn't want to do certain things with the woman he wants to have kids with. "

I guess its up to him and up to you whether your happy with that. Seems a bit old fashioned to me, just keep trying to encourage open discussion about it sometimes us guys aren't good with opening up about our reasoning, feelings and intentions, ive done it myself in the past and its been a mistake to do so

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