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Presumptuous touching

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By *olliPine OP   Couple
over a year ago

swingers clubs

After seeing this mentioned in another thread, thought we'd put it up for discussion.

I know everybody has different views on this but an incident on the weekend seriously pissed us off.

We were in a club playing in one of the public rooms. We were on the bed engaging in an MFM threesome.

Now as far as we are aware, people can watch but not join in or touch unless invited. (large four posted bed so people can view but should only woodlands if invited)

During the play, we invited another male to join us from the audience, we know this guy and called him over by name.

So far all's good.

Anyway just to set the scene, XX is on the bed enjoying the pleasure of three fit, young(ish ) guys. And a hand comes wandering in. XX politely says no thanks and the guy steps away into the background. There's a few more instances where guys start to get a little closer and they are all kindly asked to show some respect, which they take well and step back.

Anyway, XX is enjoying DOP with the other guys while XY is fucking her doggy style (self high five). It comes to the time for the guys to swap positions and as XY moves aside to let one of the other guys move round, this guy's hand shoots across the bed and attempts to touch XX.

Now we've made it clear throughout that people should not touch if uninvited - and they fact this was a rather old, ugly fat guy is not the only reason this is an issue, but certainly makes XX's skin crawl - but this guy was not invited, XX couldn't have invited him as she was facing the other way and a little distracted at the time.

Anyway, he doesn't just go to touch her foot or something to get her attention, he went for the business zone. Anyway XY managed to stop him just in time by almost breaking the guys arm.

As far as we're concerned he tried to sexually assault /indecently assault XX. The law doesn't change just because we walked into a swingers club. And surely it should be a case of seeking consent before touching - especially explicit touching like this guy was aiming for.

I'm also pretty sure this was the guy who was told earlier to back off too.

Anyway, just wondering thoughts on this. I know it was a public room, but surely he was out of order?

The reaction to stop this guy was a quick response by the way, as he was so close. Also it was for his own safety as if he had got to XX, she would have torn his arm off and beat him to death with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The uninvited guy should not touch unless invited to.

Did you tell the staff at the club ? If so then what did they do ? I presume the guy didn't try again and went away ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the offending guy didn't suffer a black eye, fat lip and kicked balls, the other guys didn't do their job.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good that you nearly broke his arm. That is sexual assault! He was clearly told no several times. You did what you had to do.

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks

This goes on so much more than it should do and more so for a single female like myself who goes alone and doesn't necessarily have a partner to watch out for her.

A good club sets out the rules clearly to all members and enforces them by having staff presence around play areas and taking reported concerns seriously.

A bad club doesn't give a shit and takes the money single guys generate without a care in the world for people's safety.

You did the right thing...id do exactly the same if it ever happened to me again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am completely fed up with being touched without asking in a club.

It's constant and I'm fed up of having to say fuck off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We gave up going to clubs in the end. Too many disrespectful people. After a while you get bored of it and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single guy and still new to this, it's completely different with every female / couple. Some lady's seem to prefer a gentle brush of the thigh and then give a knowing nod / look with a smile. Others prefer some chat then some gentle friendly touching of the leg or arms before again offering some sort of consent. I take its consent as iv not yet been slapped, sworn at or hit!!

But what has been described here is abuse, totally unacceptable and the club should have thrown him out and cancelled his membership!

It's a disgusting situation and brings bad press to us single guys who on the whole do approach females with some care and consideration. Just because it's a swingers club doesnt consent to a free for all. I get anoyed when I see guys try and the females are obviously not interested, body language can tells you this. But they persist and you have to either say something to the lady - "are you ok" which isn't meant to suggest hey what about me instread? It's meant as hey I'll sort this if you want, ie take control and tell him to stop! And make sure he does!!!

But again it is difficult being the single male.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a club, it should be a firm rule that there is no touching without asking. Just because everyone's naked doesn't mean they want strange hands on their bodies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am completely fed up with being touched without asking in a club.

It's constant and I'm fed up of having to say fuck off. "

Its been a bug bare of mine for a while now and seems to nearly always be women or couples. Its partly why we are taking a break

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

S is a pretty laid back guy but gets mighty fucked of if any form of disrespect is shown to me in anyway, S would have totally lost his shit in this kind of scenario .... but agreed with a comment farther up in the thread, we were once at a social event and while outside with S chatting to another male a guy walked straight up to me and ran his hand down my back, ok so your thinking big deal but a classic example of touching without permission... the single guy saw the incident an not S I was livid but before I could say anything the single guy stepped in put his hand in the way and said " hey... not cool man! "

His reaction stopped the incident in its tracks but if he'd have touched me again I'd have bitten his fucking hand off!

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

Any man who shows that kind of disrespect is a 'wrong un'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This really puts us off playing in a room at a club. It would just be too much of a distraction and/or constant worry.

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By *olliPine OP   Couple
over a year ago

swingers clubs

Thanks everyone, was worried I'd over stepped the mark.

It's not like we're new to the club scene, we've been doing it for about 4 years now but have always stayed playing in the lockable rooms

This was one of our few ventures into a public room as there were no available private rooms.

There was a bit of play on one of the other floors which had attracted quite a crowd so we went upstairs while everyone was distracted and the playrooms were empty.

To be fair we had a great night apart from that indiscretion.

But it certainly makes us reconsider that kind of play again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This behaviour is not necessarily limited to single guys, couples (both males and females) have been known to us to behave like this too.

It's precisely this reason we don't play in public areas of clubs and stick to the private rooms.

We don't think you're out of order at all OP.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Not out of order at all .

It's the biggest bug bear for us when the uninvited see it as a free for all .

Clubs should have a zero tolerance on this matter , no ifs or buts , and a sign should be prominently displayed in all public rooms saying just that .

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By *i1971Man
over a year ago

Cornwall

Personally wouldn't dream of touching without being invited & good on you for stopping it. Would like to think that he will reflect on this and stop doing it in the future, but if he did it so naturally on this occasion, maybe not. A report to the club would have been in order.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Was involved in a similar situation in a club on Friday night - wasn't overly aware of it myself at the time but the couple I was with had to ask encroaching guys several times to back off and one in particular had to be spoken to for touching without consent and then apparently promptly argued that he'd not done anything of the sort!! Which he clearly had!!

One thing they've done at Our Place 4 Fun which I think is a great idea that should be employed at other clubs is to place a white tape line on the floor about 6" from the edge of the bed - club rules are that you mustn't cross the line unless invited and if you do it's automatic ejection from the club. Seems to work quite well.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

He was totally out of order.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Was involved in a similar situation in a club on Friday night - wasn't overly aware of it myself at the time but the couple I was with had to ask encroaching guys several times to back off and one in particular had to be spoken to for touching without consent and then apparently promptly argued that he'd not done anything of the sort!! Which he clearly had!!

One thing they've done at Our Place 4 Fun which I think is a great idea that should be employed at other clubs is to place a white tape line on the floor about 6" from the edge of the bed - club rules are that you mustn't cross the line unless invited and if you do it's automatic ejection from the club. Seems to work quite well."

Seems a good idea in smaller areas, but I'd be concerned that people could end up monopolising large play areas, or "communal play areas" where anyone can play in the same area but not necessarily together.

Imagine 2 or 3 people playing on a large communal bed, yet no one else can get on and play, (not necessarily with those already on) unless invited?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After seeing this mentioned in another thread, thought we'd put it up for discussion.

I know everybody has different views on this but an incident on the weekend seriously pissed us off.

We were in a club playing in one of the public rooms. We were on the bed engaging in an MFM threesome.

Now as far as we are aware, people can watch but not join in or touch unless invited. (large four posted bed so people can view but should only woodlands if invited)

During the play, we invited another male to join us from the audience, we know this guy and called him over by name.

So far all's good.

Anyway just to set the scene, XX is on the bed enjoying the pleasure of three fit, young(ish ) guys. And a hand comes wandering in. XX politely says no thanks and the guy steps away into the background. There's a few more instances where guys start to get a little closer and they are all kindly asked to show some respect, which they take well and step back.

Anyway, XX is enjoying DOP with the other guys while XY is fucking her doggy style (self high five). It comes to the time for the guys to swap positions and as XY moves aside to let one of the other guys move round, this guy's hand shoots across the bed and attempts to touch XX.

Now we've made it clear throughout that people should not touch if uninvited - and they fact this was a rather old, ugly fat guy is not the only reason this is an issue, but certainly makes XX's skin crawl - but this guy was not invited, XX couldn't have invited him as she was facing the other way and a little distracted at the time.

Anyway, he doesn't just go to touch her foot or something to get her attention, he went for the business zone. Anyway XY managed to stop him just in time by almost breaking the guys arm.

As far as we're concerned he tried to sexually assault /indecently assault XX. The law doesn't change just because we walked into a swingers club. And surely it should be a case of seeking consent before touching - especially explicit touching like this guy was aiming for.

I'm also pretty sure this was the guy who was told earlier to back off too.

Anyway, just wondering thoughts on this. I know it was a public room, but surely he was out of order?

The reaction to stop this guy was a quick response by the way, as he was so close. Also it was for his own safety as if he had got to XX, she would have torn his arm off and beat him to death with it. "

This is why people need to ask questions when they are unsure.

That's a lot to take in. I think I'd have done the same as you. If he knew the rules and meant to break them.. He deserves what he got! Escorted from building.. never to return. If you're sure in yourself.. you didn't make a bad decision at the time.. it's worth getting into trouble for even if you'd broke his wrist. I'd do the same for my friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you are in a public room it merely means you can expect others to watch - it does not give anyone the right to touch without gaining consent.

Unfortunately it is a regular occurrence. As I am part of a couple then I have a playmate and a bodyguard to look out for me if I do decide to invite another guy. He often has to tell guys to back off . I would hate it as a single female.

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By *ornLordMan
over a year ago

Wiltshire and London


"Was involved in a similar situation in a club on Friday night - wasn't overly aware of it myself at the time but the couple I was with had to ask encroaching guys several times to back off and one in particular had to be spoken to for touching without consent and then apparently promptly argued that he'd not done anything of the sort!! Which he clearly had!!

One thing they've done at Our Place 4 Fun which I think is a great idea that should be employed at other clubs is to place a white tape line on the floor about 6" from the edge of the bed - club rules are that you mustn't cross the line unless invited and if you do it's automatic ejection from the club. Seems to work quite well.

Seems a good idea in smaller areas, but I'd be concerned that people could end up monopolising large play areas, or "communal play areas" where anyone can play in the same area but not necessarily together.

Imagine 2 or 3 people playing on a large communal bed, yet no one else can get on and play, (not necessarily with those already on) unless invited? "

I think the rule applies to single guys, so couples aren't barred from the area. It does seem to work.

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