FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

On our way home ...

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

...from a no show couple meet.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *layfulcoupleCouple
over a year ago

a kinky mood


"...from a no show couple meet."

Grrrrr. Waste of time

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol."

When did you arrange the meet and when were you last in contact with them?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pah. Bloody couples.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Did they confirm that the meet was on?

Miss

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol."

Sorry to hear about your no show! I can imagine it's a pain in the arse and a frustrating wasted evening!

On the other hand the above sounds like the other party contacted you to confirm the meet was still on but you didn't reply until late in the day.

If so, I can (possibly - without knowing the full facts!) see their point of view too.

Whenever I'm meeting I will try and confirm the night before or early on the day of the meet that all is still ok. If I didn't hear back (luckily it's never happened so far) then alarm bells may ring!

I hope you have more joy next time! Good luck

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We confirm the day before, if we don't get a reply we don't go to the meet. Experience has taught us that it's not worth it. You might have encountered someone who's had the same experiences as us.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

All the same it must have been frustrating and hardly your fault. Better luck next time

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we say today we will be there on the 17th September, we will be there on the 17th September.

May enjoy a closer confirmation, but appointments are for keeping.

Hope you had some fun anyway OP.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

[Removed by poster at 25/07/17 22:51:18]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ask the day before and double check the morning of the day if need be - unless you met already and think they are good at their word

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Well that sucks , and on another thread which is asking how fab has changed over the years , this shows how it has - for the worse .

I used to agree with those who say it's down to you , your selection criteria etc...... but not any more . Couples , singles and TVs have an awful habit of just not turning up now . Often with no excuse , sometimes with some bullshit about a cat dying or whatever . The fact is that sites like this and others attract twats who think it's ok to make arrangements and not to turn up . Rude , disrespectful and selfish .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ive it to usCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

Just arrange to meet in a club so if you are let down you have other options. Speaking from about 20 years experience.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol."

Sounds like they hadn't heard from you. They probably thought you weren't interested anymore. I would. Especially if they had sent a message that went unanswered x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol.

Sounds like they hadn't heard from you. They probably thought you weren't interested anymore. I would. Especially if they had sent a message that went unanswered x"

Many messages between them and us. Also, we had to postpone the date till the following day so the date was quite memorable.

Like our profile says, we always attend an arrange meet.

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

We're all responsible adults, it's not rocket science. We lead busy lives and can't keep on messaging as much as it would appear some would like.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol.

Sounds like they hadn't heard from you. They probably thought you weren't interested anymore. I would. Especially if they had sent a message that went unanswered x

Many messages between them and us. Also, we had to postpone the date till the following day so the date was quite memorable.

Like our profile says, we always attend an arrange meet.

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

We're all responsible adults, it's not rocket science. We lead busy lives and can't keep on messaging as much as it would appear some would like."

How many days before the meet was your last message to them?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton

Rubbish. Find yourselves a country lane and stop to ummm 'take your frustrations out'?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure of the timeline here but if we arrange a meet in advance we like to confirm the day/morning before. There are so many people who talk the talk but vanish when it comes to walking the walk. We don't consider that time wasting, people get cold feet, but we're not going to waste our time on the off chance.

If we hadn't heard anything we'd have messaged in the morning saying if we don't hear by lunchtime we'd assume something has come up and that its cancelled. This is especially true of a hotel is involvedand can cancel for free before 2pm.

Depending on the exact sequence of events here I don't know who's being unreasonable.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How many days before the meet was your last message to them?"

Don't know, all messages have been deleted.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not sure of the timeline here but if we arrange a meet in advance we like to confirm the day/morning before. There are so many people who talk the talk but vanish when it comes to walking the walk. We don't consider that time wasting, people get cold feet, but we're not going to waste our time on the off chance.

If we hadn't heard anything we'd have messaged in the morning saying if we don't hear by lunchtime we'd assume something has come up and that its cancelled. This is especially true of a hotel is involvedand can cancel for free before 2pm.

Depending on the exact sequence of events here I don't know who's being unreasonable. "

What would you do if you assumed wrong and they were sat there waiting?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even the hospitals send a text the day before your appointment to confirm

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol.

Sounds like they hadn't heard from you. They probably thought you weren't interested anymore. I would. Especially if they had sent a message that went unanswered x

Many messages between them and us. Also, we had to postpone the date till the following day so the date was quite memorable.

Like our profile says, we always attend an arrange meet.

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

We're all responsible adults, it's not rocket science. We lead busy lives and can't keep on messaging as much as it would appear some would like."

My dentist sends one 3 days before then one the day before

My beautician sends one 48 hours before then the day before x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure of the timeline here but if we arrange a meet in advance we like to confirm the day/morning before. There are so many people who talk the talk but vanish when it comes to walking the walk. We don't consider that time wasting, people get cold feet, but we're not going to waste our time on the off chance.

If we hadn't heard anything we'd have messaged in the morning saying if we don't hear by lunchtime we'd assume something has come up and that its cancelled. This is especially true of a hotel is involvedand can cancel for free before 2pm.

Depending on the exact sequence of events here I don't know who's being unreasonable.

What would you do if you assumed wrong and they were sat there waiting?"

I'd be thinking that most people would be sensible and check their messages in the run up to a meet and apologise but point to the fact they hadn't responded to messages and if they had they'd have known we weren't going to be there. If we make advance plans with friends and aren't in regular contact we'd check plans with them just beforehand so don't see why this would be different. If nothing else they could have messaged to say something had come up, or that they couldn't make x time or needed to change the location. Can't imagine setting out for a meet without at least checking messages first.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How many days before the meet was your last message to them?

Don't know, all messages have been deleted."

I think you've found the issue.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol.

Sounds like they hadn't heard from you. They probably thought you weren't interested anymore. I would. Especially if they had sent a message that went unanswered x

Many messages between them and us. Also, we had to postpone the date till the following day so the date was quite memorable.

Like our profile says, we always attend an arrange meet.

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

We're all responsible adults, it's not rocket science. We lead busy lives and can't keep on messaging as much as it would appear some would like.

My dentist sends one 3 days before then one the day before

My beautician sends one 48 hours before then the day before x"
which renders this comment irrelevant

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reygorCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

dont bother us now we usta get up tight about no show .we now random [if we want couples go to chams]if dogging .or cinema just turn up if it happens it happens .our female has to book time in the weekdays and make it up weekend so can be a bummer but still plenty of fun eh

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure of the timeline here but if we arrange a meet in advance we like to confirm the day/morning before. There are so many people who talk the talk but vanish when it comes to walking the walk. We don't consider that time wasting, people get cold feet, but we're not going to waste our time on the off chance.

If we hadn't heard anything we'd have messaged in the morning saying if we don't hear by lunchtime we'd assume something has come up and that its cancelled. This is especially true of a hotel is involvedand can cancel for free before 2pm.

Depending on the exact sequence of events here I don't know who's being unreasonable. "

I do exactly this message in the morning and say in other words if I hear nothing back before I leave at say X o'clock then I assume something has come up. Takes two seconds to confirm.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol.

Sounds like they hadn't heard from you. They probably thought you weren't interested anymore. I would. Especially if they had sent a message that went unanswered x

Many messages between them and us. Also, we had to postpone the date till the following day so the date was quite memorable.

Like our profile says, we always attend an arrange meet.

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

We're all responsible adults, it's not rocket science. We lead busy lives and can't keep on messaging as much as it would appear some would like.

My dentist sends one 3 days before then one the day before

My beautician sends one 48 hours before then the day before xwhich renders this comment irrelevant

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested."

Your actually comparing a doctor's appointment to a meet off fab. Jesus Christ x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How many days before the meet was your last message to them?

Don't know, all messages have been deleted.

I think you've found the issue."

But it was quite a few messages. We suppose many are simply not capable of making a note of what they've agreed to or what appointments etc.. they've made.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We've just been used to many couples on another site and this site that have been capable to meet as arranged.

For some reason, we've encountered some that have been incapable to meet because we've been been unable to confirm on a daily basis (holding their hand) in the lead up to the meet.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"We've just been used to many couples on another site and this site that have been capable to meet as arranged.

For some reason, we've encountered some that have been incapable to meet because we've been been unable to confirm on a daily basis (holding their hand) in the lead up to the meet."

The irony is that those who ask for daily messages may have found previously that without them, they got let down.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol.

Sounds like they hadn't heard from you. They probably thought you weren't interested anymore. I would. Especially if they had sent a message that went unanswered x

Many messages between them and us. Also, we had to postpone the date till the following day so the date was quite memorable.

Like our profile says, we always attend an arrange meet.

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

We're all responsible adults, it's not rocket science. We lead busy lives and can't keep on messaging as much as it would appear some would like.

My dentist sends one 3 days before then one the day before

My beautician sends one 48 hours before then the day before xwhich renders this comment irrelevant

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

Your actually comparing a doctor's appointment to a meet off fab. Jesus Christ x"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Your actually comparing a doctor's appointment to a meet off fab. Jesus Christ x"

No, we're hoping people are capable of being sensible adults.

Do you need constant reminding, lmfao.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We've just been used to many couples on another site and this site that have been capable to meet as arranged.

For some reason, we've encountered some that have been incapable to meet because we've been been unable to confirm on a daily basis (holding their hand) in the lead up to the meet.

The irony is that those who ask for daily messages may have found previously that without them, they got let down. "

Quite the opposite, it highlights those who need blocked. If they're not capable to manage a calendar, they're not worth meeting.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

I think that the op makes a very worthy and valid point here . It's all very well saying they should constantly be checking the arranged meet beforehand , but fact remains that there are way too many people who treat a meet on fab as a not very important event .

It never ceases to amaze me how many lame excuses get used , and how many people say that fab is just an aside to real life , so it doesn't really matter . Of course it bloody matters !

Some of us have to arrange and pay for sitters etc ... and it's as important as any other pre arranged event .

If people are going to treat meets on fab with such little importance , they should say so friom the beginning of the conversation . Like saying , ' I'm happy to arrange a time and place to meet you , but I probably won't turn up as fab isn't really that important to me ' .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think that the op makes a very worthy and valid point here . It's all very well saying they should constantly be checking the arranged meet beforehand , but fact remains that there are way too many people who treat a meet on fab as a not very important event .

It never ceases to amaze me how many lame excuses get used , and how many people say that fab is just an aside to real life , so it doesn't really matter . Of course it bloody matters !

Some of us have to arrange and pay for sitters etc ... and it's as important as any other pre arranged event .

If people are going to treat meets on fab with such little importance , they should say so friom the beginning of the conversation . Like saying , ' I'm happy to arrange a time and place to meet you , but I probably won't turn up as fab isn't really that important to me ' ."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"Your actually comparing a doctor's appointment to a meet off fab. Jesus Christ x

No, we're hoping people are capable of being sensible adults.

Do you need constant reminding, lmfao."

No I dont need reminding...but you were the ones with a no show and deleted messages that he might have interpreted differently to you.....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just arrange to meet in a club so if you are let down you have other options. Speaking from about 20 years experience."

We do this

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Your actually comparing a doctor's appointment to a meet off fab. Jesus Christ x

No, we're hoping people are capable of being sensible adults.

Do you need constant reminding, lmfao.

No I dont need reminding...but you were the ones with a no show and deleted messages that he might have interpreted differently to you....."

Nope, pretty basic stuff to be honest, as in, discussing possible dates, narrowing down dates, choosing the date, discussing the venue & time and when both parties are agreed and happy, confirmed.

Then we had to move the date, so new date confirmed with couple, we were given a postcode, we went to postcode and ...... no show.

If someone can't interpret that as an agreed meet on a specific date and time, then they need supervised. If after all the chat, agreements, dates, times etc.. and then not show........

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

Sorry to hear you had a no show the other week too...maybe it is worth visiting clubs like others have suggested, at least it will mot be a wasted night if you have a no show at a club , as I am sure there will be people to chat too there.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ady and KinkyCouple
over a year ago

West Mids

Absolutely OP, or even getting their account deleted. One of the options for reporting a profile on here is: Arranged to meet, didn't turn up. More people should use it.

Our particular favourite excuse is: "I/we didn't turn up because it felt too easy"!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Recently had to cancel a meet with someone I'd been in daily contact/chatting with.

I've been ill & had really hoped I'd be upto it, but come that morning accepted it wasn't going to happen.

I'd never just no show, that's just rude

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry to hear you had a no show the other week too...maybe it is worth visiting clubs like others have suggested, at least it will mot be a wasted night if you have a no show at a club , as I am sure there will be people to chat too there."

Yes, going to a club is in our profile!!!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Recently had to cancel a meet with someone I'd been in daily contact/chatting with.

I've been ill & had really hoped I'd be upto it, but come that morning accepted it wasn't going to happen.

I'd never just no show, that's just rude "

Yes, there are times we've had to cancel but we immediately offer an alternative date and rearrange.

Those who tend to cancel, irrelevant why, and don't offer to rearrange, never get back in touch.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Absolutely OP, or even getting their account deleted. One of the options for reporting a profile on here is: Arranged to meet, didn't turn up. More people should use it.

Our particular favourite excuse is: "I/we didn't turn up because it felt too easy"! "

Yes, we use that report function. Haven't a clue what use it has but we still use it for those who no shows.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"The problem is, some need daily confirmation that the meet is on, despite the meet being agreed and talked about.

We lead busy lives and sometimes only get back in touch in the afternoon on the day but some find that tricky to take in.

We need a physical phone system where you can hold peoples hands, lol.

Sounds like they hadn't heard from you. They probably thought you weren't interested anymore. I would. Especially if they had sent a message that went unanswered x

Many messages between them and us. Also, we had to postpone the date till the following day so the date was quite memorable.

Like our profile says, we always attend an arrange meet.

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

We're all responsible adults, it's not rocket science. We lead busy lives and can't keep on messaging as much as it would appear some would like.

My dentist sends one 3 days before then one the day before

My beautician sends one 48 hours before then the day before xwhich renders this comment irrelevant

Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

Your actually comparing a doctor's appointment to a meet off fab. Jesus Christ x"

Very different kind of meetings I think.....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the issue here is that the OP has a 'my word is my bond' ethic and can't see the point of view from the other parties perspective.

Is it unreasonable for them to seek confirmation on the day of the event that it's still proceeding? Maybe they've been let down in the past and want reassurance?

It sounds like you didn't get back to them until very late in the day (if at all) and I can see why they may have got cold feet and didn't want to risk a no-show. They did try to confirm, after all, and no confirmation was forthcoming.

Now you're thinking they're in the wrong. And I can see your perspective if on your last contact you said you'd be there.

They probably think you're in the wrong. And I can see their perspective too if you didn't confirm on the day.

If it was me, I might reflect on the situation and think 'yeah, I can see why they might think that' and agree it's a case of a genuine misunderstanding and chalk it down to experience and learn from it.

It seems that your viewpoint is steadfastly 'no we are right, they are wrong' but as an independent looking in it doesn't seem that black and white to me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

With meets confirmation on the day should be arranged.

Things change! Life gets in the way etc.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think the issue here is that the OP has a 'my word is my bond' ethic and can't see the point of view from the other parties perspective.

Is it unreasonable for them to seek confirmation on the day of the event that it's still proceeding? Maybe they've been let down in the past and want reassurance?

It sounds like you didn't get back to them until very late in the day (if at all) and I can see why they may have got cold feet and didn't want to risk a no-show. They did try to confirm, after all, and no confirmation was forthcoming.

Now you're thinking they're in the wrong. And I can see your perspective if on your last contact you said you'd be there.

They probably think you're in the wrong. And I can see their perspective too if you didn't confirm on the day.

If it was me, I might reflect on the situation and think 'yeah, I can see why they might think that' and agree it's a case of a genuine misunderstanding and chalk it down to experience and learn from it.

It seems that your viewpoint is steadfastly 'no we are right, they are wrong' but as an independent looking in it doesn't seem that black and white to me."

But what you have to remember, meets, appointments etc.. are two sided when more than one party is involved. Your reply is all about what we should have done etc..

So why don't you expect the same from the other couple? Your reply simply condones their lack of action going against your standards that you expect us to adhere to.

People on here are saying we should have confirmed, done this, done that but the other couple didn't either!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"Do you not turn up to the Doctors, dentist or garage because they didn't confirm the night before? Did you attend and the Doctor, dentist or mechanic say, "Oh sorry, we made other plans because we didn't hear off you and thought you were no longer interested.

We're all responsible adults, it's not rocket science. We lead busy lives and can't keep on messaging as much as it would appear some would like."

We get a text from our dentist and doctors the day before reminding us of our appointment plus we don't tend to put meets on our calendar

We always confirm that a meet is still on either the night before or first thing on the morning. If we were not to hear back we would not go.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I think the issue here is that the OP has a 'my word is my bond' ethic and can't see the point of view from the other parties perspective.

Is it unreasonable for them to seek confirmation on the day of the event that it's still proceeding? Maybe they've been let down in the past and want reassurance?

It sounds like you didn't get back to them until very late in the day (if at all) and I can see why they may have got cold feet and didn't want to risk a no-show. They did try to confirm, after all, and no confirmation was forthcoming.

Now you're thinking they're in the wrong. And I can see your perspective if on your last contact you said you'd be there.

They probably think you're in the wrong. And I can see their perspective too if you didn't confirm on the day.

If it was me, I might reflect on the situation and think 'yeah, I can see why they might think that' and agree it's a case of a genuine misunderstanding and chalk it down to experience and learn from it.

It seems that your viewpoint is steadfastly 'no we are right, they are wrong' but as an independent looking in it doesn't seem that black and white to me.

But what you have to remember, meets, appointments etc.. are two sided when more than one party is involved. Your reply is all about what we should have done etc..

So why don't you expect the same from the other couple? Your reply simply condones their lack of action going against your standards that you expect us to adhere to.

People on here are saying we should have confirmed, done this, done that but the other couple didn't either!!

"

Even if the other couple didn't at least if OP had done and received no reply from them then could have decided the next course of action. Communication is very important.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We simply pop meets and appointments in our phone calendars and simply go to them.

I think the dentist does texts but they just have our landline number and never had a text off the doctors, not sure if they have our mobile numbers.

Rarely give out mobile number to avoid junk texts, cold calls etc..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the issue here is that the OP has a 'my word is my bond' ethic and can't see the point of view from the other parties perspective.

Is it unreasonable for them to seek confirmation on the day of the event that it's still proceeding? Maybe they've been let down in the past and want reassurance?

It sounds like you didn't get back to them until very late in the day (if at all) and I can see why they may have got cold feet and didn't want to risk a no-show. They did try to confirm, after all, and no confirmation was forthcoming.

Now you're thinking they're in the wrong. And I can see your perspective if on your last contact you said you'd be there.

They probably think you're in the wrong. And I can see their perspective too if you didn't confirm on the day.

If it was me, I might reflect on the situation and think 'yeah, I can see why they might think that' and agree it's a case of a genuine misunderstanding and chalk it down to experience and learn from it.

It seems that your viewpoint is steadfastly 'no we are right, they are wrong' but as an independent looking in it doesn't seem that black and white to me.

But what you have to remember, meets, appointments etc.. are two sided when more than one party is involved. Your reply is all about what we should have done etc..

So why don't you expect the same from the other couple? Your reply simply condones their lack of action going against your standards that you expect us to adhere to.

People on here are saying we should have confirmed, done this, done that but the other couple didn't either!!

"

Au contraire - I said I can see it BOTH sides perspective - yours as well. It seems to me like a genuine misunderstanding from both parties, expectations were not aligned on either side so you both made assumptions on your expectations of each other based on your own ethics and values, that were not met by the other party who had a different set of expectations.

It seems like a genuine misunderstanding to me and I'm sorry that your night was ruined.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *utdoor couple.Couple
over a year ago

Coventry


"I think the issue here is that the OP has a 'my word is my bond' ethic and can't see the point of view from the other parties perspective.

Is it unreasonable for them to seek confirmation on the day of the event that it's still proceeding? Maybe they've been let down in the past and want reassurance?

It sounds like you didn't get back to them until very late in the day (if at all) and I can see why they may have got cold feet and didn't want to risk a no-show. They did try to confirm, after all, and no confirmation was forthcoming.

Now you're thinking they're in the wrong. And I can see your perspective if on your last contact you said you'd be there.

They probably think you're in the wrong. And I can see their perspective too if you didn't confirm on the day.

If it was me, I might reflect on the situation and think 'yeah, I can see why they might think that' and agree it's a case of a genuine misunderstanding and chalk it down to experience and learn from it.

It seems that your viewpoint is steadfastly 'no we are right, they are wrong' but as an independent looking in it doesn't seem that black and white to me."
this is where its at, also from op pov date was changed once already, this would make me think its on rocky ground from the start

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I think the issue here is that the OP has a 'my word is my bond' ethic and can't see the point of view from the other parties perspective.

Is it unreasonable for them to seek confirmation on the day of the event that it's still proceeding? Maybe they've been let down in the past and want reassurance?

It sounds like you didn't get back to them until very late in the day (if at all) and I can see why they may have got cold feet and didn't want to risk a no-show. They did try to confirm, after all, and no confirmation was forthcoming.

Now you're thinking they're in the wrong. And I can see your perspective if on your last contact you said you'd be there.

They probably think you're in the wrong. And I can see their perspective too if you didn't confirm on the day.

If it was me, I might reflect on the situation and think 'yeah, I can see why they might think that' and agree it's a case of a genuine misunderstanding and chalk it down to experience and learn from it.

It seems that your viewpoint is steadfastly 'no we are right, they are wrong' but as an independent looking in it doesn't seem that black and white to me.

But what you have to remember, meets, appointments etc.. are two sided when more than one party is involved. Your reply is all about what we should have done etc..

So why don't you expect the same from the other couple? Your reply simply condones their lack of action going against your standards that you expect us to adhere to.

People on here are saying we should have confirmed, done this, done that but the other couple didn't either!!

Au contraire - I said I can see it BOTH sides perspective - yours as well. It seems to me like a genuine misunderstanding from both parties, expectations were not aligned on either side so you both made assumptions on your expectations of each other based on your own ethics and values, that were not met by the other party who had a different set of expectations.

It seems like a genuine misunderstanding to me and I'm sorry that your night was ruined.

"

Communication is important. We all have our own 'values' but if a message has not been replied to one can't be blamed for not turning up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Even if the other couple didn't at least if OP had done and received no reply from them then could have decided the next course of action. Communication is very important. "

We've never said communication is never important.

Unfortunately, we don't and often can't be tied to FabSwingers, we lead complicated busy lives that you won't believe.

We use the messaging system on here to communicate, we speak to a potential couple or single lady that we've or they've initiated. As time goes on, the subject of meeting arises, ideally sooner rather than later. Often, when you get to choosing a date or location, they disappear, hence why we're not ones for exchanging photos, just 3 or 4 on our friends section.

But for those who do want to meet, we always clarify where and when, often on two or three separate days and we always say, "See to then, don't worry if you don't hear from us, we'll be there".

The recent no show couple, was last online 2hrs before we logged in and said, "It'll be about 8pm when we get there". About 2 hours later we set off. They never came back online until well into the next day.

Sadly, we don't give second chances. If you haven't got the ability to do something basic the first time, we're not giving you the second opportunity to get it wrong again. Or to put it in simple terms, "We don't suffer fools gladly".

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Even if the other couple didn't at least if OP had done and received no reply from them then could have decided the next course of action. Communication is very important.

We've never said communication is never important.

Unfortunately, we don't and often can't be tied to FabSwingers, we lead complicated busy lives that you won't believe.

We use the messaging system on here to communicate, we speak to a potential couple or single lady that we've or they've initiated. As time goes on, the subject of meeting arises, ideally sooner rather than later. Often, when you get to choosing a date or location, they disappear, hence why we're not ones for exchanging photos, just 3 or 4 on our friends section.

But for those who do want to meet, we always clarify where and when, often on two or three separate days and we always say, "See to then, don't worry if you don't hear from us, we'll be there".

The recent no show couple, was last online 2hrs before we logged in and said, "It'll be about 8pm when we get there". About 2 hours later we set off. They never came back online until well into the next day.

Sadly, we don't give second chances. If you haven't got the ability to do something basic the first time, we're not giving you the second opportunity to get it wrong again. Or to put it in simple terms, "We don't suffer fools gladly"."

I think that's perfectly reasonable. I can't accurately infer their intent obviously but I suspect that at the point you sent your last message they had no intention of turning up. It would have saved you a lot of wasted time if they'd said so.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Unless we list all the messages from the arranged meet that spanned a few weeks, this thread is going round in circles.

All we can say is, time and location are confirmed and reconfirmed on several occasions on different days.

This meet being no different. We were given a postcode and we said, "We will see you there".

What we've realised is that some need their hand held all the way up to the meet. That's where the problem can arise because the type of work we do, we often can't do this hand holding, nose wiping routine until a few hours before the meet.

If you have loads of time on your hands, excellent, stay online and guide them in with chats. But everyone is different and we can't do that.

Today is a rare day off where we are doing BUGGER ALL for once, well, apart from spending some of the time on Fab

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think that's perfectly reasonable. I can't accurately infer their intent obviously but I suspect that at the point you sent your last message they had no intention of turning up. It would have saved you a lot of wasted time if they'd said so."

We and everyone can and do forget things. It's whether those on the receiving end give 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc.. chances or like us, zero and we just move on.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Unless we list all the messages from the arranged meet that spanned a few weeks, this thread is going round in circles.

All we can say is, time and location are confirmed and reconfirmed on several occasions on different days.

This meet being no different. We were given a postcode and we said, "We will see you there".

What we've realised is that some need their hand held all the way up to the meet. That's where the problem can arise because the type of work we do, we often can't do this hand holding, nose wiping routine until a few hours before the meet.

If you have loads of time on your hands, excellent, stay online and guide them in with chats. But everyone is different and we can't do that.

Today is a rare day off where we are doing BUGGER ALL for once, well, apart from spending some of the time on Fab "

See my answer above.

Better luck next time. as an aside in the late 70s a guy I worked with was about marry for the second time. An older colleague wrote that on the card we sent him.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think that's perfectly reasonable. I can't accurately infer their intent obviously but I suspect that at the point you sent your last message they had no intention of turning up. It would have saved you a lot of wasted time if they'd said so.

We and everyone can and do forget things. It's whether those on the receiving end give 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc.. chances or like us, zero and we just move on."

We give zero chances too. In fact if we hadn't received a response to our final confirmation message we probably would have cancelled.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I think that's perfectly reasonable. I can't accurately infer their intent obviously but I suspect that at the point you sent your last message they had no intention of turning up. It would have saved you a lot of wasted time if they'd said so.

We and everyone can and do forget things. It's whether those on the receiving end give 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc.. chances or like us, zero and we just move on.

We give zero chances too. In fact if we hadn't received a response to our final confirmation message we probably would have cancelled."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top