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Funniest insults

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We all know that insults are not pleasant when directed at yourself but I heard a cracker the other night when my mate (who had just been blown oout in spectacular fashion) accused the woman off 'having an arse like a badly packed parachute' which made me spit bear down my nose I was laughing so much. Are there any other funny ones out there?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do not believe in dishing out insults just because I have been rejected for whatever reasons.

And I do not _iew those who do highly either!

What is the point?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I do not believe in dishing out insults just because I have been rejected for whatever reasons.

And I do not _iew those who do highly either!

What is the point?

"

Because some are funny, do you tend to laugh at comedians???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was in a pub last year when a guy kept pushing past me, no matter where I stood, or so it seemed to me.

After 3 or 4 times I pushed him away quite forcibly.

He said "I'm going to have you old man"

I said, "Oh yes, and how are you going to do that you fat cunt, are you gonna eat me?"

His mates pulled him away and they left when they saw I wasn't going to back down

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"Was in a pub last year when a guy kept pushing past me, no matter where I stood, or so it seemed to me.

After 3 or 4 times I pushed him away quite forcibly.

He said "I'm going to have you old man"

I said, "Oh yes, and how are you going to do that you fat cunt, are you gonna eat me?"

His mates pulled him away and they left when they saw I wasn't going to back down "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Because some are funny, do you tend to laugh at comedians???"

.

Seldom watch them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Another good one I heard on Talksport where someone was talking about Joey Barton said about him 'if brains were made of chocolate he wouldn't have enough to make a smartie'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

best one i heard was my daughter who was 10 at the time. she was being picked on by a lad as she was a little chubby. she turned to him and said "i can loose weight you cant do nothing about your face" he stopped picking on her.

she has since lost the weight just puppy fat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's some good ones on this thread

http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/46085

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always like the classic from Winston Churchill,when one of his over worked staff said to him if he was her husband she would poison him ,Winstons reply was "madam if I was your husband I would gladly drink it "

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

'You can wade through her deepest thoughts and not get your ankles wet....'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When the wheel bearing starts whining etc on the car and you call in to say 'sort this out it sounds like the ex mother in law'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'You're one load your mum should have swallowed!'.......

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures


"I always like the classic from Winston Churchill,when one of his over worked staff said to him if he was her husband she would poison him ,Winstons reply was "madam if I was your husband I would gladly drink it ""

Winston had some classics:

Winston: "madam would you sleep with me for ten thousand pounds?"

Lady: "of course I would"

Winston "and would you sleep with me for one pound"

Lady: "of course not - what do you think I am?"

Winston: "I think we have established what you are madam - we are now merely haggling over the price"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always like the classic from Winston Churchill,when one of his over worked staff said to him if he was her husband she would poison him ,Winstons reply was "madam if I was your husband I would gladly drink it "

Winston had some classics:

Winston: "madam would you sleep with me for ten thousand pounds?"

Lady: "of course I would"

Winston "and would you sleep with me for one pound"

Lady: "of course not - what do you think I am?"

Winston: "I think we have established what you are madam - we are now merely haggling over the price""

im related to mr churchill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it!

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By *entadreadMan
over a year ago

Essex


"I always like the classic from Winston Churchill,when one of his over worked staff said to him if he was her husband she would poison him ,Winstons reply was "madam if I was your husband I would gladly drink it ""

It is sunday, so I can afford to be....,

This famous exchange was not between Churchill and an overworked staff member, but Tory Viscountess Astor, Wife of 2nd Viscount Astor, who hated all men.

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By *unterslickCouple
over a year ago

tullamore


"I always like the classic from Winston Churchill,when one of his over worked staff said to him if he was her husband she would poison him ,Winstons reply was "madam if I was your husband I would gladly drink it "

It is sunday, so I can afford to be....,

This famous exchange was not between Churchill and an overworked staff member, but Tory Viscountess Astor, Wife of 2nd Viscount Astor, who hated all men. "

google all them sayings and see the result,,

now,,an old man is praying by the bed,,his wife walks in and says "what are you praying for" he replies,,"im praying for guidance",,she says,,"fuck the guidance,,pray for stiffness,il guide it myself",,lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my mate got called a cheese cock cunt! made me laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

one of my favourites is something i seen in an arguement on facebook, one girl says to the other "go an swill ya crack out ya filthy little cumbucket!"

another great one was said by a friend of mine to a 'girl' " last time i seen a face like that i put 50p each way on it an it fell at the first fence!"

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By * tallguyMan
over a year ago

near horsham

Michael Schumacher once said of Damon Hills driving ....his ambition outwayed his abillity ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best insult I have used was whilst playing football a few years ago, when the jumped up whipper snapper I was marking called me a "old fat b@stard". My reply which had both teams and the ref in stitches ... "Please tell you mum to stop giving me the biscuits every time I fuck her".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heard one today.

Mate had gone down on a girl at the weekend.

When asked what she was like he answered "Seen better curtains at a boot sale"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Her 'mott' was like a ploughmans lunch:

Looked like ham.

Smelt like cheese.

Tastes of pickled onions"

The work of genius (and it was another female genius)!

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

Can't remember where I heard it...

"Thought I saw a loaf of bread named after you! But then I read it again and realised it actually said 'Thick CUT'"

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford


""Her 'mott' was like a ploughmans lunch:

Looked like ham.

Smelt like cheese.

Tastes of pickled onions"

The work of genius (and it was another female genius)!

"

OR...

Your clit, its like a prawn!

Yes, it is rather large.

No, what I meant was it tastes like a fucking prawn!!!

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By *essiCouple
over a year ago

suffolk

that ugly not even a sniper would take em out.....

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By *in4sumMan
over a year ago

sheffield

One of my faves

"A giggling buffoon, one brain cell away from being watered each day"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my favourite is it wasnt a birth certificate ur mother got with u it was a letter of appology from the condom factory hehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my daughter who is 21 was sticking up for her younger step sister who was getting verbally abused on facebook by her ex and his mates after being dumped...one of the abusers put "were gunna knock u out" sofis reply was " u dont look hard enough to knock out a wank mate "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I heard a cracker in a bar a few weeks ago (Brandling Arms for anyone who knows it)..

A guy was complaining to the bar staff about the price of the lager. He just wanted a cheap lager and they didn't have any, just imported bottles.

He wouldn't let it go.

The lass behind the bar said, in full flow, "if you don't like the prices in here get yourself away round to Wetherspoons there's one just around the corner."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

... im related to mr churchill "

Is that an insult?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last time I saw an ass like tat it was on the discovery channel with a dart hanging out of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does my bum look big in this?"

"Your bum would look big in the Pacific Ocean."

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By *aughtyHubbyMan
over a year ago

Sunderland

If i had a face like that I'd teach my arse to talk.

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By *ig_R40Man
over a year ago

northwich

My fav is "she had a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle" ?

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By *ig_R40Man
over a year ago

northwich

Just because they make it in your size, doesn't mean you should wear it!

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

A friend of mine to a moustachioed friend who had a rather large hooter.

"With a nose like that, I wouldn't bother underlining it."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a guy at work said this about one of our more 'senior' customers "fuck me, he's one wrinkle short of being able to screw his hat on!" still piss myself laughin at that one!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said no to a bloke yesterday and he came back with "hope you die of aids you slag". Obviously I reported him straight away.

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