Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Back to forum list |
Back to Swingers Chat |
Jump to newest |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Having an opinion is fine, we have opinions on things which is why we don't do everything as we too find things distasteful, but we don't judge or tell others who do do those things that there wrong, we just don't participate, after all we are all on a site like this because society in general finds this whole thing distasteful so in a lot of people's eyes none of us are any better than each other." Isn't it just that the words opinion/judgemental falls into the same category as preference/prejudice etc. I think the word judgmental means that you condemn the person all round because of their actions in one area. I think your post is about the bb thread (now deleted) some people there were saying they don't like bb, that doesn't mean they are judgmental, it means they are happy to say they don't like bb. (I didn't see the back end of the thread, so it may have got worse than I saw.) | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"you may not judge others but there are plenty that do.. that's life I'm afraid, and you cant expect swingers to be any less judgemental just because of who and how they choose to meet.." i would agree with want you say totally | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"We have no issue with people saying what they don't do, like I said we don't do gang bangs, The Bb thread did become a lot worse right down to people saying perhaps people should contact the ladies partner who supposedly doesn't know what she's doing! Really I find that disgusting and much more than just an opinion, for me that is too far " As far as I'm aware he knows! He's threw her out , that was on another thread. If it's the same person. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"We have no issue with people saying what they don't do, like I said we don't do gang bangs, The Bb thread did become a lot worse right down to people saying perhaps people should contact the ladies partner who supposedly doesn't know what she's doing! Really I find that disgusting and much more than just an opinion, for me that is too far " thats not being judgemental; thats plain interfering in other peoples lives! probably gets a hardon from other peoples misery. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So I appear to have been booted off a post I commented on for daring to suggest people were being judgemental, I would of thought in the 'swinging' world tolerance and understanding of each other's foibles was mandatory, there's things we wouldn't do ie no real interest in gangbangs but if it's your thing go for it, do I think there's more risks doing it? Probably but I'm not so who cares and that should be the great thing about being here, we should be the very people who understand we can have great trusting relationships and still do this and who are we to say someone doing something different is wrong, we don't know the circumstances, we keep this separate from our daily lives because people wouldn't understand, people would think the Mrs was fair game and that's not the case, at the end of the day there's no one on here someone wouldn't judge as an old slapper if they weren't involved in this lifestyle themselves so why are we judging each other?" I never judge anyone! Except those who don't use paragraphs - those I judge! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" ok I will give you the paragraph one lol x" I thank you! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" The behaviour of some can impact the whole community but only if you take risks yourselves, I think there's lots of people on here who have no one else in normal life to discuss things with and discretion and privacy should be assured and respected as we all expect, yet during that post people were happily talking about breaking that confidence" i think the worst are those who out others for their own choices. they just drive those be choices underground or cause people to lie to avoid the 'pitchfork and torch' brigade. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Having an opinion is fine, we have opinions on things which is why we don't do everything as we too find things distasteful, but we don't judge or tell others who do do those things that there wrong, we just don't participate, after all we are all on a site like this because society in general finds this whole thing distasteful so in a lot of people's eyes none of us are any better than each other. Isn't it just that the words opinion/judgemental falls into the same category as preference/prejudice etc. I think the word judgmental means that you condemn the person all round because of their actions in one area. I think your post is about the bb thread (now deleted) some people there were saying they don't like bb, that doesn't mean they are judgmental, it means they are happy to say they don't like bb. )" Yup, people need to separate identity and behaviour. I can condemn a behaviour without passing any judgement on who you are. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So I appear to have been booted off a post I commented on for daring to suggest people were being judgemental, I would of thought in the 'swinging' world tolerance and understanding of each other's foibles was mandatory, there's things we wouldn't do ie no real interest in gangbangs but if it's your thing go for it, do I think there's more risks doing it? Probably but I'm not so who cares and that should be the great thing about being here, we should be the very people who understand we can have great trusting relationships and still do this and who are we to say someone doing something different is wrong, we don't know the circumstances, we keep this separate from our daily lives because people wouldn't understand, people would think the Mrs was fair game and that's not the case, at the end of the day there's no one on here someone wouldn't judge as an old slapper if they weren't involved in this lifestyle themselves so why are we judging each other?" I completely agree. Let's live and let live! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think there's lots of people on here who have no one else in normal life to discuss things with and discretion and privacy should be assured and respected as we all expect, yet during that post people were happily talking about breaking that confidence" Do you know how judgemental that sounds Joke (just so you know). | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Let me pose a scenario that is nothing to do with swinging or sex... Person A likes to shoot people. Person B likes to be shot and thinks the thrill of being shot and risking death is really exciting. Person B consents to Person A shooting them. Person B gets shot and loves it, gets medical attention and once better wants to try it again. In that instance because it is between two consenting adults (will have to assume there was written consent) then that is their choice and it impacts on nobody else except those two people. But what if Person B gets a kick out of shooting other people and persuades Person A to shoot Person C who has no idea they are at risk of being shot? Person C might like playing with guns but doesn't ever actually want to shoot anyone or be shot. Would you consider person A and B to be in the right? Would their actions be nobodys business except their own? Would you tell everyone else that we should not have an opinion on Person A & B. Does the well being of Person C not count?" Did they pay for their own medical treatment? Honestly, most the confusion comes from people who have no clue about costs or probability. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ? Think about it for a moment . We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ? Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them , " Judgemental is the new prejudice, but allows more people to be wronged. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"For this scenario - Let's assume they paid for their own medical treatment! The key point here is whether this is fair or right for Person C. And just to expand on it... Let's also assume that Person C does like taking some risks and likes to have a gun aimed at them BUT they only like the gun to be loaded with blanks. What they don't know is that Person A (or B) likes to use live ammunition." Why not just simplify it to kicking someone in the balls or pussy? If that's what you want to do and it's consentual then knock yourself out. But going around kicking strangers in the balls isn't cricket. It's a good example. Swinging is like the former. It legitimately doesn't effect anyone else if we want to swap partners. Yes vanilla people look down their nose at it but most of them cheat eventually anyway. Whether or not people look down their nose about it is irrelevant, its about harm or costs enforced on non-consenting parties. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"For this scenario - Let's assume they paid for their own medical treatment! The key point here is whether this is fair or right for Person C. And just to expand on it... Let's also assume that Person C does like taking some risks and likes to have a gun aimed at them BUT they only like the gun to be loaded with blanks. What they don't know is that Person A (or B) likes to use live ammunition. Why not just simplify it to kicking someone in the balls or pussy? If that's what you want to do and it's consentual then knock yourself out. But going around kicking strangers in the balls isn't cricket. It's a good example. Swinging is like the former. It legitimately doesn't effect anyone else if we want to swap partners. Yes vanilla people look down their nose at it but most of them cheat eventually anyway. Whether or not people look down their nose about it is irrelevant, its about harm or costs enforced on non-consenting parties. " I liked my scenario/analogy better | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ? Think about it for a moment . We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ? Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them , " The only dedcidng factor as to whether someone is the voice of reason or a judgemental gobshite is often whether we are in agreement with them or not | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ? Think about it for a moment . We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ? Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them , " Not really, you have a different philosophy to meets than us. We don't judge you for it, it's not a matter of there being a set way meets should or shouldn't be done. However there are certain set obligations between a husband and wife. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I don't think we can compare the moral dilemma of shooting someone to not giving someone the opportunity to use a condom by not telling them you have done bb in the past, And everyone has the option to use a condom wether they know the past or not, a bit different to being secretly snipered without a bullet proof vest!" Extreme example yes but one that is about potentially causing harm to someone. I didn't say secretly snipered either. Person C knows they are going to be shot at but they don't know it is with live ammunition. They like a risk but it is a calculated risk except the other person has upped the anty! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ? Think about it for a moment . We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ? Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them , Not really, you have a different philosophy to meets than us. We don't judge you for it, it's not a matter of there being a set way meets should or shouldn't be done. However there are certain set obligations between a husband and wife. " Ok , I get the bit about a difference between our philosophy regarding meets . And that you aren't judging us for that . But not sure what you mean about obligations between a husband and wife ? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If person c is willing to take a calculated risk they have to assume the other person is a risk taker too, that's what makes it a risk, It all comes down to if you decide to be person c, but if person c hooks up with someone who likes guns that's up to them." So in your opinion it is ok that Person C expected blanks in the gun but Person A (or B) is using live ammunition? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So I appear to have been booted off a post I commented on for daring to suggest people were being judgemental, I would of thought in the 'swinging' world tolerance and understanding of each other's foibles was mandatory, there's things we wouldn't do ie no real interest in gangbangs but if it's your thing go for it, do I think there's more risks doing it? Probably but I'm not so who cares and that should be the great thing about being here, we should be the very people who understand we can have great trusting relationships and still do this and who are we to say someone doing something different is wrong, we don't know the circumstances, we keep this separate from our daily lives because people wouldn't understand, people would think the Mrs was fair game and that's not the case, at the end of the day there's no one on here someone wouldn't judge as an old slapper if they weren't involved in this lifestyle themselves so why are we judging each other?" And what is wrong with being a Slapper... but not so much of the old.... I do have feelings... | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If person c is willing to take a calculated risk they have to assume the other person is a risk taker too, that's what makes it a risk, It all comes down to if you decide to be person c, but if person c hooks up with someone who likes guns that's up to them." I'm struggling to keep up with this, does person A and B creampie person C? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ? Think about it for a moment . We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ? Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them , Not really, you have a different philosophy to meets than us. We don't judge you for it, it's not a matter of there being a set way meets should or shouldn't be done. However there are certain set obligations between a husband and wife. Ok , I get the bit about a difference between our philosophy regarding meets . And that you aren't judging us for that . But not sure what you mean about obligations between a husband and wife ?" I just mean that some things are a matter of right and wrong and others aren't. Prefer one off meets to regular meet, not a matter of right. Knowingly exposing your husband to high risk of STDs is. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This all seems to come down to informed consent - if you meet someone and they have bb with others you have a right to know If you are not informed for me even if you consent to a sexual encounter with them if it's not "informed consent" it's not valid consent. BUT that gives nobody the right to inform on people - tell there partners etc That is s very dangerous path to start down - if you are a teacher should your head be informed that you are immoral for being swinger and not fit to teach children as many vanillas would believe - should police who are open to bribery corruption if known to be on the site be outed to their bosses etc ..... Nobody would deem either if these valid so why would anyone consider it's ok to inform on a cheating bb partner Waits for abuse and blocks " Totally agree! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This all seems to come down to informed consent - if you meet someone and they have bb with others you have a right to know If you are not informed for me even if you consent to a sexual encounter with them if it's not "informed consent" it's not valid consent. BUT that gives nobody the right to inform on people - tell there partners etc That is s very dangerous path to start down - if you are a teacher should your head be informed that you are immoral for being swinger and not fit to teach children as many vanillas would believe - should police who are open to bribery corruption if known to be on the site be outed to their bosses etc ..... Nobody would deem either if these valid so why would anyone consider it's ok to inform on a cheating bb partner Waits for abuse and blocks Totally agree!" In reality people like swingers, polyamorous people and other ethnical non-monogamous people should demand the same legal protection afforded to other groups that were once deemed immoral but don't harm anyone. But there have been threads on this and frankly a lot of people would rather bury their head in the sand. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Here's a thought , what's the difference between a preference and a judgement ? Think about it for a moment . We all have preferences which suit that which are comfortable with . By having these preferences we invariably judge those who have different preferences to our own don't we ? Unless we keep them to ourselves and don't come on the forums to discuss them , Not really, you have a different philosophy to meets than us. We don't judge you for it, it's not a matter of there being a set way meets should or shouldn't be done. However there are certain set obligations between a husband and wife. Ok , I get the bit about a difference between our philosophy regarding meets . And that you aren't judging us for that . But not sure what you mean about obligations between a husband and wife ? I just mean that some things are a matter of right and wrong and others aren't. Prefer one off meets to regular meet, not a matter of right. Knowingly exposing your husband to high risk of STDs is. " Ah ok , I get it | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"No that's not ok, but I'm trying to put this scenario into the earlier one, which is impossible, The comparison would be person c expecting Bb with someone who said they hadn't done it and was clean, But person c would have to assume if they was willing to do Bb with them they may have done it before therefore person c does have the choice to protect themselves anyway or take the risk, With a loaded gun person c could take no steps to protect themselves just trust, that would be wrong" Ok the analogy is that Person A and B using live ammunition is the same as doing BB. They both know and both consent. Person C likes playing with guns but uses blanks because they want to reduce the risk when someone points the gun at them...that is them taking measures to protect themselves. So Person C practices safe sex. Person C has no idea Person A or B do BB or use live ammunition and as a consequence expose themselves to a higher level of risk than they expect. Person C still takes risks (like all of us swingers take risks) but they minimise or at least reduce the level of risk they expose themselves to. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone is judgemental, all that differs is what and how we judge. Never understood why this surprises people or is automatically seen as a bad thing " It seems that apparently being a swinger means you have to turn your judgmental switch to off. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Everyone is judgemental, all that differs is what and how we judge. Never understood why this surprises people or is automatically seen as a bad thing It seems that apparently being a swinger means you have to turn your judgmental switch to off. " True. But where has it ever been decreed that swingers aren't judgemental? Being sexually liberated doesn't make you an all rounded person? Besides the keyboard warrior arena isn't indicative of all in the lifestyle? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I judge everyone. It keeps my soul warm until I get down to hell. However, I manage not to actually vocalise my judging, so no-one ever knows what I really think of them." You see I'm the opposite. I'm rarely judgemental, I've been told it's an extreme strength and weakness of mine. I think I'm somewhat guileless. But when I am being judgemental, I'm quite direct about it, which gives the wrong impression possibly. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Post new Message to Thread |
back to top |