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Instantly deleting messages.

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By *iscreteSte OP   Man
over a year ago

Blackpool

After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent

If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Because sometimes saying no normally enters into either a torrent of abuse or a pleading conversation which turns into a torrent of abuse.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

yes, unfortunately, a lot of the time it is...not too hard maybe, but pointless; often just gets 'why not'. or abuse...and once thats happened a few times it seems a lot easier to just delete..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *xCDVictoriaxXTV/TS
over a year ago

10 minutes outside Chester


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?"

This

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

If its deleted it gives a clear message that they don't want to meet you. Would you rather they read it then left it unreplied to?

The FAQs state, no reply = 'no'.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It must be really frustrating after making the effort. I suppose that a delete is a definite no at least, if a message goes unanswered you are left wondering.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd just take a delete as I'm not their type or basically a no. Would you really prefer a message saying no thanks? Isn't it easier just to assume that it's a polite no?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago

Staffordshire Moorlands

Would you feel better if you had an inbox full of 'no thank you's? I doubt it! Just take a delete as a no, why do you need it in writing?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say no thank you, we're not all instant deleters.

I may miss one or two occasionally, but I eventually get around to looking at my unread messages.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Delete all your sent mail as soon as it's sent then you won't know what the recipient has done with it. You'll either get a reply or you won't unless you'd prefer an inbox full of no thanks messages!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There should be like a guide for new users to break down the messaging math for them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iscreteSte OP   Man
over a year ago

Blackpool

Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?"

Yeah but that's not quite the same though is it to be fair. I don't see people's message's as being junk mail even if they've not read my profile and most people are on here to actually receive messages.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There should be like a guide for new users to break down the messaging math for them."

but they won't read it, anymore than they read the site advice on it..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

Oh I'm sure you would love nothing more than spending a couple of hoyrs a day replying no to people you don't find attractive...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

I think delete is the best way. Couples and single females get hundreds or more of messages a day. Could you be arsed to reply to EVERY message that you weren't interested in. It lets you know they aren't interested. Simple and done. I block anyone who deletes my message without a reply so I can't accidentally message them again when I'm between my supporters pack. Makes life so simple and saves getting my underpants in a twist.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

even if its not deleted and left as read you dont get a reply , dosent bother me .

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iscreteSte OP   Man
over a year ago

Blackpool

Well, this thread turned from "I wonder what other people think" type of thing, to "this guy is an idiot, should just get the message."

I thought this community would be somewhat nice about it. I was wrong. (Not the entire community, aint branding the loot)

Sorry for being curious people, won't happen again.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Yeah but that's not quite the same though is it to be fair. I don't see people's message's as being junk mail even if they've not read my profile and most people are on here to actually receive messages. "

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *xCDVictoriaxXTV/TS
over a year ago

10 minutes outside Chester


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

Think about it. Ladies get hundreds of messages so sending a polite no thanks to each would take beards.

I get maybe 4 messages a week so sending a polite no thanks is far easier.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *couple4uCouple
over a year ago

West London

We posted a picture of Mrs got immediately 11 messages and 3 friend request from single guys despite the fact that our profile is clear we do not want to meet single guys.

One guy we sent "thanks but no thanks not looking to meet single guys" turned into 7 messages from him the same night.

The Next night we got the same message from the same guy. Clearly just pastes and sends.

So - all you will get now is thanks but no thanks - and then deleted....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apart from possible abuse, more messages asking why etc, replying to a message will break any filters the user may wish to apply in the future. Don't worry about it, life's too short and this is just a bit of fun.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete. "

In most cases I try to be polite, say no thank you.

But sometimes I just feel irritated, when a guy doesn't match what I'm looking for, as I've stated in profile. Either couldn't be bothered to read it, or chose to ignore what I wrote.

It just wastes my time.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Yeah but that's not quite the same though is it to be fair. I don't see people's message's as being junk mail even if they've not read my profile and most people are on here to actually receive messages.

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here"

Nar I'm watching Corrie...we think differently it's as simple as that.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well, this thread turned from "I wonder what other people think" type of thing, to "this guy is an idiot, should just get the message."

I thought this community would be somewhat nice about it. I was wrong. (Not the entire community, aint branding the loot)

Sorry for being curious people, won't happen again."

no one has called you an idiot...people have tried to explain, very clearly, the reason a lot of people don't reply with a 'no thank you'...it's not what you want to hear,obviously...but at least now you can just see it for what it is and not be bothered by it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

You know what happened when I sent a polite no to someone earlier? I got a sarcastic comment back about my perfectly penned reply and how he was so impressed he might hang it over his bed. I said that if he'd bothered to read my profile then he would have realised his perfectly penned message was pointless (I very clearly say I'm not interested in fucking men). He then accused me of being closed-minded and told me no messages were pointless and that he had read my profile. Clearly the ignorant douche didn't care about what it said or my right to decide who I do or do not fuck.

So you know what this has taught me? To go back to just deleting messages that don't interest me. I don't owe you a reply no matter how carefully crafted your message is.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The FAQs are very clear on this , you may feel it's rude but the site says otherwise. You have to appreciate how many messages some people get on here, if they replied to every message they would never have time to meet.

My advice would be focus on your inbox rather than your outbox, no point worrying about the ones who aren't interested.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And this from the guy who wants to block just about anyone who says anything to him!! hahahahahahahaha

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iscreteSte OP   Man
over a year ago

Blackpool


"The FAQs are very clear on this , you may feel it's rude but the site says otherwise. You have to appreciate how many messages some people get on here, if they replied to every message they would never have time to meet.

My advice would be focus on your inbox rather than your outbox, no point worrying about the ones who aren't interested."

I completely understand and am sympathetic towards everyone. I understand that mostly every couple and single female gets hundreds and hundreds of messages and I also understand that it's very difficult to reply to a lot of these messages, I was simply curious.

I am beginning to realise how much of a ball ache this single thread has been.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iscreteSte OP   Man
over a year ago

Blackpool


"And this from the guy who wants to block just about anyone who says anything to him!! hahahahahahahaha "

Nope, if you read it correctly, I said offer me something, I will politely decline, keep offering and I will bloke. Don't make out I am a complete arsehole. I'm only slightly an arsehole.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A regular conversation thread.

'Hi' - 'Hello'

'How are you?' - 'fine thanks you, yourself?'

'Great, fancy meeting up?' - 'sorry, but we're not meeting guys/gals/couples right now'

'Why not?' - 'because we've chosen not to right now'

'But why not, what's wrong with me?' - 'nothings wrong, we're sure you're lovely but we're simply not meeting...'

'If you give me a chance, I'm sure I could persuade you otherwise' -'we wish you luck on fab, but we won't be meeting you. Sorry, and have fun'

'Well fuck you then, time wasting idiots'

.

.

.

Or we could simply delete and block.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

I would delete on name alone.

I imagine people here are not looking for inexperience at all.

People do not reply They look at your name your profile and your photos. If they do not like what they see it is deleted. Also, if they have filters set then to reply actually invalidates and means you can then keep messaging.

So read profiles if they are compatible message if they are not looking for the same things as you forget it.

Chin up get to some clubs and chat on forums.

See if you can get some sexy pics up,

look at some of the popular guys on forums with some really cracking sexy photos. Be imaginative. goodluck.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago

Staffordshire Moorlands

I had one this morning that said

'Wanna meet now'

I politely said no thanks, so then got back

'Why you on here if you have such a low sex drive'

But he didn't stop there and went on to say that I

'Must be a lesbo'

Sometimes I wonder why I bother! Lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We will always reply to a well composed message and to date have not once had an abusive response to a no thank you.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

But what we're all saying is basically don't take it to heart.

I explained it this way to a male friend on here the other day & he was less pissy about it after....

If you message someone & they get 20 messages a day, in the window that they have to check potentials, she'll most likely have a quick read then look at your profile.

If you don't tick what she's looking for then it's easier for her to delete & possibly block too.

This saves you both time, her as she knows you won't appear in searches & you because you won't msg here again in a few weeks due to forgetting about the first one.

Reading a msg, checking a profile & then replying takes time, it's just quicker for all doing it this way!

Keep going OP

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

I wish we got harassed......... chance would be a fine thing lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am firmly in the delete camp especially when i have the males unblocked.

I as well as many others will focus thier attention on the people they do want to meet and are interested in.

I haven't got the time or patience to reply to everyone who sends a message.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

we don't even have to acknowledge you exist if we don't want to, for no reason at all.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to reply to all my messages ..but I soon realised that not everyone reads my profile ..so if they can't be arsed to read then I can't be arsed either

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here"

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

what difference would a no really make? Other than gibe you the opportunity to ask why not?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rgasmdonorMan
over a year ago

millstreet

DELETE!!!!!last nite after 3 messages and photo from me I got blocked and I wasn't rude or disrespectful she asked me a few questions which I answered ,,, I got no photo from her and I didn't push that either !!!!#bewildered

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now.

what difference would a no really make? Other than gibe you the opportunity to ask why not?"

Exactly !

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ullswapcouple30Couple
over a year ago

Valleys

We don't do the no thanks messages as we tend to get stuck in a conversation we didn't want. We arnt rude people, we just thought a no reply would be a polite way of saying no thank you.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deleting the message is a form of reply.

Plus it's acceptable to do as per the FAQs.

I think it's impolite to force somebody in to replying when they don't want to.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

"

You're junk email in my inbox. Particularly if you can't be arsed to read my profile. Be lucky I just delete half the crap I get rather than saying what I really think.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inakiss64Woman
over a year ago

Near St Albans

Very time consuming to say no to everyone you have no interest in.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ire_thornMan
over a year ago

no comment

I have been polite and said no thanks.. Got called a queer for it

I have been told no and responded with okay have a a good day and we have been talking since...

Anything can happen

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbh if i send a polite no thank you it normally gets a response, some asking why and wanting an explanation, some rude and some begging for a meet

I just find it easier to not reply

The minute you engage in conversation that's when it gets awkward

I'm not being rude but have been on and

off fab for years and have learnt it's easier not to reply

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Well, this thread turned from "I wonder what other people think" type of thing, to "this guy is an idiot, should just get the message."

I thought this community would be somewhat nice about it. I was wrong. (Not the entire community, aint branding the loot)

Sorry for being curious people, won't happen again."

This questions has been asked a thousand times at least, a quick forum search could have got you what you wanted to know.

Ask for opinions and you get them. For every message you get we probably get 100. It's in the FAQs that no reply - no thanks but so many men think they are owed something on here.

And the 'community' gets bored of that

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I can see why some guys are miffed that their messages get deleted. Apparently they don't get many so when they've taken the time to send a decent one they probably think they deserve a reply. Fair enough if you ask me.

However, I have deleted without replying for many reasons. The main one being that it's obvious they haven't read my profile.

Top tip for guys READ THE PROFILE BEFORE WASTING YOUR TIME!!!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

You're junk email in my inbox. Particularly if you can't be arsed to read my profile. Be lucky I just delete half the crap I get rather than saying what I really think. "

You response is merely an ad hominem one, rather than addressing the point I was making - which just reinforces it!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inchyorksMan
over a year ago

huddersfield

Why even worry about it?? Use it as a filter, deleted messages mean they are not interested, block profile sonit doesn't show up in your searches, done with then.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"DELETE!!!!!last nite after 3 messages and photo from me I got blocked and I wasn't rude or disrespectful she asked me a few questions which I answered ,,, I got no photo from her and I didn't push that either !!!!#bewildered "

Why bewildered? You're not for them so why leave it open for you to hassle them again?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ikeC2012Man
over a year ago

Peterborough

I frequently delete without reading. My profile says I will if the sender enjoys bareback, yet they still send them

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

You're junk email in my inbox. Particularly if you can't be arsed to read my profile. Be lucky I just delete half the crap I get rather than saying what I really think.

You response is merely an ad hominem one, rather than addressing the point I was making - which just reinforces it!

"

it doesn't equate them to a takeaway meal, it equates their message to junk mail. you delete their message same as you would with a take away menu you don't want. just because you open your inbox does not mean you appreciate every message you get in it.

and tbh on a fuck site pretty much everything is objectification and revolves around that. that's what lust is, doesn't mean anyone appreciates that but without lust this site would pretty much stop and nobody would be on it.

so you don't like being objectified? you can guarantee just about every single female being approached, via message or whatever, already has been.

if men feel dehumanised then that's a shame, coz i hate that myself and often feel like men are ordering me like a takeaway with some of the shit they send me. it doesn't feel nice.

what you gonna do? stop all the abusive men from being on here to create a safe environment for us all to be able to reply? force them to read what we want and give a shit about it?

you can't do nothing, none of you men can. neither can us women so we happily ignore anyone we want to and not need to explain why.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"DELETE!!!!!last nite after 3 messages and photo from me I got blocked and I wasn't rude or disrespectful she asked me a few questions which I answered ,,, I got no photo from her and I didn't push that either !!!!#bewildered "

She asked you sone questions and obviously didn't like one if your replies. Not exactly bewildering

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another boo hoo thread

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orksCouple25Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

The OP 'inexperienced Steve ' asked a reasonable question and has got the correct explanation why people ( single women mainly ) don't reply as they just can't reply to 100 messages a day !

The interesting thing though is the couples who replied . One said they didn't reply as their profile showed they weren't looking for single men . That's fine but why don't they adjust their filters so single men can't message them ?

Another couple said they got into an e mail ping pong after they told a single guy they weren't meeting anyone at the moment . That's even worse as they have totally wasted the single guys time as they could have added they weren't meeting anyone at the moment to their profile or status bar and he may not have wasted time contacting them.

It's not just the single guys who are inconsiderate on the site .

Our advice to inexperienced Steve is forget Fab you are talking 100+ single women to every guy so you've little chance . Go onto normal dating sites where the women want sex too but the female/male balance is much more favourable

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know this has been done 1pos of times before but I've never seen a justification for expecting a no thanks that doesn't cone down to entitlement and neediness.

And I do wonder just how needy people demanding replies are if they actually get in to a conversation. Or if they get a meet

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i generally look at the senders profile if they arent what im looking for i delete. also if they have attached pics and they have included dick pics i delete even if they match what im after

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

Ok Op just to give you a realistic view

Even with filters in place, I've currently got a back log of 198 messages, so say it takes 2mins to reply with a nice no thanks type message, that's means it would take me just over 6.5 hours to reply to all. Now for today, factor in the fact that I've spent 1hr doing two school runs, around 2 hours sorting daily meals, around another 2 hours doing chores, then 5 hour travelling to town and back to shop as well as attend an hospital appointment then and 1.5 hours to do bath and bed routines. So if I were to reply to all that's 18 hours of my day gone leaving me only 6hours to do anything else I need to do and sleep and meanwhile a few more messages are coming in.

Moral of the story men out number women massively, and we all have lives away from fab, as a woman it's realistically a more productive use of your time to just focus on messages from people that interest you only, it's got absolutely nothing to do with people being impolite

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The OP 'inexperienced Steve ' asked a reasonable question and has got the correct explanation why people ( single women mainly ) don't reply as they just can't reply to 100 messages a day !

The interesting thing though is the couples who replied . One said they didn't reply as their profile showed they weren't looking for single men . That's fine but why don't they adjust their filters so single men can't message them ?

Another couple said they got into an e mail ping pong after they told a single guy they weren't meeting anyone at the moment . That's even worse as they have totally wasted the single guys time as they could have added they weren't meeting anyone at the moment to their profile or status bar and he may not have wasted time contacting them.

It's not just the single guys who are inconsiderate on the site .

Our advice to inexperienced Steve is forget Fab you are talking 100+ single women to every guy so you've little chance . Go onto normal dating sites where the women want sex too but the female/male balance is much more favourable "

My profile is very clear about me not meeting guys and I still get messages asking if I'm free for a meet. If people are rude and don't read profiles they don't deserve a polite reply from me.

As for how my filters are set, I happen to enjoy conversing with some guys. Maybe I'm doing it wrong as I enjoy a chat not just looking for a fuck.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

"

Well bloody said

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete. "
this

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

You're junk email in my inbox. Particularly if you can't be arsed to read my profile. Be lucky I just delete half the crap I get rather than saying what I really think.

You response is merely an ad hominem one, rather than addressing the point I was making - which just reinforces it!

it doesn't equate them to a takeaway meal, it equates their message to junk mail. you delete their message same as you would with a take away menu you don't want. just because you open your inbox does not mean you appreciate every message you get in it.

and tbh on a fuck site pretty much everything is objectification and revolves around that. that's what lust is, doesn't mean anyone appreciates that but without lust this site would pretty much stop and nobody would be on it.

so you don't like being objectified? you can guarantee just about every single female being approached, via message or whatever, already has been.

if men feel dehumanised then that's a shame, coz i hate that myself and often feel like men are ordering me like a takeaway with some of the shit they send me. it doesn't feel nice.

what you gonna do? stop all the abusive men from being on here to create a safe environment for us all to be able to reply? force them to read what we want and give a shit about it?

you can't do nothing, none of you men can. neither can us women so we happily ignore anyone we want to and not need to explain why."

Well, Ill agree to differ on the whole 'takeaway meal' analogy. But that's how it read to me.

See, I don't consider this a 'fuck site' - time was, a few years ago, even suggesting that it was so would have been met with derision and ridicule. Times change, and maybe that changed attitudes as well?

I deliberately avoided anything about replying to messages (though I appreciate the context of the thread). 'Replies' are a divisive argument, and its much harder to argue a negative, which it exactly what the 'message / reply' paradigm is. Likewise, choosing to ignore, bock, whatever - its a divisive argument. My take has always been that you treat others how you wish to be treated.

I wanted to point out the objectification and dehumanisation slant that the thread was taking. As you point out, some of the shit women receive makes them feel like a takeway meal. Well, men can experience that just the same. I dont want trivialise either.

I know its endemic of the system and its not something that my diatribe will change. I dont have the answers, and its a straw man argument to suggest so. But allowing it to perpetuate without at least challenging the thinking or the behavior means its always going to be the same old 'shitshow' - or it gets worse. I wouldn't want someone new to the site or the forums to think that the best they can expect is to be treated like a Happy Meal.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

It would be nice if all men read your profile though,there's next to nothing on mine as it is it's not like it's going to take age's to read!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *loppsyWoman
over a year ago

marlow


"If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete. "

This

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It would be nice if all men read your profile though,there's next to nothing on mine as it is it's not like it's going to take age's to read!"

And being hidden makes it even easier.

Bet you still get messages saying great profile.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

What part of 'no reply is a reply' don't you get?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't us cheapskates also get a limited amount of messages per day? I know i wouldn't want to waste them on someone i have no interest in

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

You're junk email in my inbox. Particularly if you can't be arsed to read my profile. Be lucky I just delete half the crap I get rather than saying what I really think.

You response is merely an ad hominem one, rather than addressing the point I was making - which just reinforces it!

it doesn't equate them to a takeaway meal, it equates their message to junk mail. you delete their message same as you would with a take away menu you don't want. just because you open your inbox does not mean you appreciate every message you get in it.

and tbh on a fuck site pretty much everything is objectification and revolves around that. that's what lust is, doesn't mean anyone appreciates that but without lust this site would pretty much stop and nobody would be on it.

so you don't like being objectified? you can guarantee just about every single female being approached, via message or whatever, already has been.

if men feel dehumanised then that's a shame, coz i hate that myself and often feel like men are ordering me like a takeaway with some of the shit they send me. it doesn't feel nice.

what you gonna do? stop all the abusive men from being on here to create a safe environment for us all to be able to reply? force them to read what we want and give a shit about it?

you can't do nothing, none of you men can. neither can us women so we happily ignore anyone we want to and not need to explain why.

Well, Ill agree to differ on the whole 'takeaway meal' analogy. But that's how it read to me.

See, I don't consider this a 'fuck site' - time was, a few years ago, even suggesting that it was so would have been met with derision and ridicule. Times change, and maybe that changed attitudes as well?

I deliberately avoided anything about replying to messages (though I appreciate the context of the thread). 'Replies' are a divisive argument, and its much harder to argue a negative, which it exactly what the 'message / reply' paradigm is. Likewise, choosing to ignore, bock, whatever - its a divisive argument. My take has always been that you treat others how you wish to be treated.

I wanted to point out the objectification and dehumanisation slant that the thread was taking. As you point out, some of the shit women receive makes them feel like a takeway meal. Well, men can experience that just the same. I dont want trivialise either.

I know its endemic of the system and its not something that my diatribe will change. I dont have the answers, and its a straw man argument to suggest so. But allowing it to perpetuate without at least challenging the thinking or the behavior means its always going to be the same old 'shitshow' - or it gets worse. I wouldn't want someone new to the site or the forums to think that the best they can expect is to be treated like a Happy Meal.

"

The fact of the matter is that single men are very much treated like Happy Meals on here at the whim and fancy of the fantasies of couples and single females. That much has become clear to me recently with the final recognition of what things really are like on here.

Single men don't find success on Fab as swingers? They just get dissed with remarks along the lines of not expecting a #instashag on here, or just going for paid sex outside or if they're younger single men around my age bracket straight up told to just go and hit the nightclubs and "leave the swinging for the mature couples to partake in". Why? Because we're too plentiful that's why.

The dehumanisation of single men in the swinging community is a community-inbuilt mentality and fact that has slipped into common acceptance without any challenge against it whatsoever. Fine, there are lots of single men who are rotten eggs and ruin it for everyone else. So do couples, so do single females. So why aren't those two groups subject to the same derision and automatic standoffish attitude and distrust that single men face on here?

Anyone here wanna try and dispute this fact with me?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry.

What part of 'no reply is a reply' don't you get?"

Probably the 'implied' part,

Or the oxymoron.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one this morning that said

'Wanna meet now'

I politely said no thanks, so then got back

'Why you on here if you have such a low sex drive'

But he didn't stop there and went on to say that I

'Must be a lesbo'

Sometimes I wonder why I bother! Lol"
You could of been on your period!

Derrr some guys just don't think!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?"

Best illustration ever!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I'm only here for single men and the one's I've met have been pretty good guy's,infact I haven't met a disrespectful man yet.

I certainly don't go out of my way to treat a man badly on here and I'm pretty certain I don't.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Best illustration ever! "

Alright then if that is the case I think us single men on here should make it a point from now on that if we get messaged from couples or single females we have no interest in we should straight up delete their messages and be done with it.

No polite "thanks no thanks", no response, no nothing. Sounds fair?

I find it vomit-inducing that we've sunk to the level whereby so many on here consider single male interest in them to be on par with junk mail in the mailbox.

Christ. Seven years of swinging and my jadedness is really starting to catch up.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Another boo hoo thread "
hahaha same title, different day

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *estlands4Man
over a year ago

Sidmouth

I haven't read all this thread but as a male who takes time to write personal messages an acknowledgment is always appreciated even if it's a no thanks as that means at least it's hopefully been read - I appreciate that females and couples can receive a huge amount of messages which is why a delete often leaves the feeling "was it even read?" As sometimes there are block deletions - just my feelings

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

You're junk email in my inbox. Particularly if you can't be arsed to read my profile. Be lucky I just delete half the crap I get rather than saying what I really think.

You response is merely an ad hominem one, rather than addressing the point I was making - which just reinforces it!

it doesn't equate them to a takeaway meal, it equates their message to junk mail. you delete their message same as you would with a take away menu you don't want. just because you open your inbox does not mean you appreciate every message you get in it.

and tbh on a fuck site pretty much everything is objectification and revolves around that. that's what lust is, doesn't mean anyone appreciates that but without lust this site would pretty much stop and nobody would be on it.

so you don't like being objectified? you can guarantee just about every single female being approached, via message or whatever, already has been.

if men feel dehumanised then that's a shame, coz i hate that myself and often feel like men are ordering me like a takeaway with some of the shit they send me. it doesn't feel nice.

what you gonna do? stop all the abusive men from being on here to create a safe environment for us all to be able to reply? force them to read what we want and give a shit about it?

you can't do nothing, none of you men can. neither can us women so we happily ignore anyone we want to and not need to explain why.

Well, Ill agree to differ on the whole 'takeaway meal' analogy. But that's how it read to me.

See, I don't consider this a 'fuck site' - time was, a few years ago, even suggesting that it was so would have been met with derision and ridicule. Times change, and maybe that changed attitudes as well?

I deliberately avoided anything about replying to messages (though I appreciate the context of the thread). 'Replies' are a divisive argument, and its much harder to argue a negative, which it exactly what the 'message / reply' paradigm is. Likewise, choosing to ignore, bock, whatever - its a divisive argument. My take has always been that you treat others how you wish to be treated.

I wanted to point out the objectification and dehumanisation slant that the thread was taking. As you point out, some of the shit women receive makes them feel like a takeway meal. Well, men can experience that just the same. I dont want trivialise either.

I know its endemic of the system and its not something that my diatribe will change. I dont have the answers, and its a straw man argument to suggest so. But allowing it to perpetuate without at least challenging the thinking or the behavior means its always going to be the same old 'shitshow' - or it gets worse. I wouldn't want someone new to the site or the forums to think that the best they can expect is to be treated like a Happy Meal.

"

that's how it's usually used, seen quite a few people use that term myself in that way.

i've only been here 3 years and seen the derision myself. swinging mainly is a lifestyle that revolves around sexual encounters it seems and this site enables that so it's a fuck site to me, with some social interaction (although i mainly get social interaction from people who don't want sex so not really living -what i think- the swinging experience imo).

and judging from the forums there was way more sex, and body part objectification on here when i first joined to how it is now. so yes the site has changed a little. i feel it's got less judgemental also. i don't feel the personal interaction has changed though, for myself personally. like my messages are not better, i don't feel safer, i get the same old shit and sometimes a better quality of shit. as not a man it probably is different for me than you.

but you don't wanna discuss that and that's fine i said it as an extension of the OP of the topic also. and my questions about what you gonna do were entirely rhetoric, i know the men who are a problem themselves have to change and nobody can force this.

i do wonder how many guys enjoy being objectified and used though (off the topics i see posted on here) and how many feel like you? it never bothered me at one time even, when i first joined, but now it does. a lot. and derogatory objectification has always bothered me.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Best illustration ever!

Alright then if that is the case I think us single men on here should make it a point from now on that if we get messaged from couples or single females we have no interest in we should straight up delete their messages and be done with it.

No polite "thanks no thanks", no response, no nothing. Sounds fair?

I find it vomit-inducing that we've sunk to the level whereby so many on here consider single male interest in them to be on par with junk mail in the mailbox.

Christ. Seven years of swinging and my jadedness is really starting to catch up. "

clearly you havent bothered reading any of the many many posts above from women explaining exactly why they delete..and yes, i see no reason at all that couples and single men wouldnt do exactly the same. It really only seems to be the men with a very over inflated egos that are whining about this...or new, like the OP, in which case its a reasonable question..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete. "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Best illustration ever!

Alright then if that is the case I think us single men on here should make it a point from now on that if we get messaged from couples or single females we have no interest in we should straight up delete their messages and be done with it.

No polite "thanks no thanks", no response, no nothing. Sounds fair?

I find it vomit-inducing that we've sunk to the level whereby so many on here consider single male interest in them to be on par with junk mail in the mailbox.

Christ. Seven years of swinging and my jadedness is really starting to catch up. "

Why not just delete?

I'd take no offence to anyone I message deleting it if they aren't interested in me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

"

The takeaway menu analogy is neither objectifying nor dehumanising for one simple reason: the overwhelming majority of the messages we are talking about are not personal in the least. They are "hello" messages, copypasta and clichés, they are not addressed for the recipient and typically they do not communicate anything intimate about the poster (dick pics don't count ). They are not a two-way communication, they are very much the equivalent of a circular.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Best illustration ever!

Alright then if that is the case I think us single men on here should make it a point from now on that if we get messaged from couples or single females we have no interest in we should straight up delete their messages and be done with it.

No polite "thanks no thanks", no response, no nothing. Sounds fair?

I find it vomit-inducing that we've sunk to the level whereby so many on here consider single male interest in them to be on par with junk mail in the mailbox.

Christ. Seven years of swinging and my jadedness is really starting to catch up.

Why not just delete?

I'd take no offence to anyone I message deleting it if they aren't interested in me "

Well maybe because us single men tend to believe in treating other fellow swinger couples and female singles and each other with more respect. Unless it's one of those copypasta sort of messages looking for a quick roll in the hay, we would actually appreciate couples or single females showing enough interest to message us that even if we do turn them down we'd at least spare them a "thanks no thanks" message instead of just deleting.

Some call it inflated egos, like some here have already done. Some see it as human decency and treating the other party as a human being with feelings and stridently refusing to dehumanise them. See it how you will. It's quite telling who on here I'll definitely avoid at all costs.

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By *XHNHWoman
over a year ago

Stokeish...


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

Maybe you're messaging people (like me) who aren't looking? I get masses of messages even though I make it clear what I'm looking for, if people don't read my profile, I don't read their messages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It's exactly the same. It's an unsolicited, speculative piece of mail that the sender hopes will pique your interest, from someone you don't know and have not interacted with previously.

If a takeaway menu catches my eye I may give them a try at some point. If it doesn't then I throw the menu in the bin. Tell me how this differs from messages on here

So its generally acceptable to consider another human being as nothing more than a takeway meal, just because its a swinging site? I think thats possibly one of the worst pieces of objectification and dehumanisation Ive ever read.

What an analogy to use! It embodies a total lack of consideration for the sender as a human being. You reduce the entire experience into something that is bought, consumed and then discarded.

Does this only apply because the OP is a single male? Or is this how all swingers should view themselves - objectified into being an item on a menu? There's enough people agreeing with the 'Takeway Menu' analogy to make me seriously believe that this becoming a popular notion.

Its ideology like this that's fueling the dysfunctional behavior running rife through the scene. No wonder so many here are intent of fucking each other over just to get to the next piece of ass.

I hope that the entire spectrum of swingers remember that we are a community of thinking, feeling human beings - and that we all have enough self respect not to demean ourselves to being treated as 'A Leggy Blonde with a side order of anal'.

-

(...and yes, the counterpoint considered will undoubtedly be about abusive messages received but thats a straw man argument in this case).

The takeaway menu analogy is neither objectifying nor dehumanising for one simple reason: the overwhelming majority of the messages we are talking about are not personal in the least. They are "hello" messages, copypasta and clichés, they are not addressed for the recipient and typically they do not communicate anything intimate about the poster (dick pics don't count ). They are not a two-way communication, they are very much the equivalent of a circular."

completely agree..there's nothing less personal than a message saying 'you have sexy eyes'..when all they can see is an arse!..especially when you get the exact same message off someone 3, 4 times in a couple of hours..really makes you feel special!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now.

Maybe you're messaging people (like me) who aren't looking? I get masses of messages even though I make it clear what I'm looking for, if people don't read my profile, I don't read their messages "

Reading your profile if you're having problems with single men messaging you because they didn't bother reading the part about you not being interested in meeting men 121 etc, the "block all single men from messaging" option exists for a reason.

Use it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Best illustration ever!

Alright then if that is the case I think us single men on here should make it a point from now on that if we get messaged from couples or single females we have no interest in we should straight up delete their messages and be done with it.

No polite "thanks no thanks", no response, no nothing. Sounds fair?

I find it vomit-inducing that we've sunk to the level whereby so many on here consider single male interest in them to be on par with junk mail in the mailbox.

Christ. Seven years of swinging and my jadedness is really starting to catch up.

Why not just delete?

I'd take no offence to anyone I message deleting it if they aren't interested in me

Well maybe because us single men tend to believe in treating other fellow swinger couples and female singles and each other with more respect. Unless it's one of those copypasta sort of messages looking for a quick roll in the hay, we would actually appreciate couples or single females showing enough interest to message us that even if we do turn them down we'd at least spare them a "thanks no thanks" message instead of just deleting.

Some call it inflated egos, like some here have already done. Some see it as human decency and treating the other party as a human being with feelings and stridently refusing to dehumanise them. See it how you will. It's quite telling who on here I'll definitely avoid at all costs. "

'us single men'?? have you read any of the posts above?...there is a very small percentage of men on here who appear to read and take any notice of profiles..i wish it was the other way round but its not..it is not 'treating someone with respect' to completely ignore their profile criteria, then become abusive when they don't get a favourable reply....how is that respectful? and its pretty 'dehumanising' to be messaged by people who can't even remember if they've messaged you half an hour before because all they can see is a pair of tits in front of them!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Best illustration ever!

Alright then if that is the case I think us single men on here should make it a point from now on that if we get messaged from couples or single females we have no interest in we should straight up delete their messages and be done with it.

No polite "thanks no thanks", no response, no nothing. Sounds fair?

I find it vomit-inducing that we've sunk to the level whereby so many on here consider single male interest in them to be on par with junk mail in the mailbox.

Christ. Seven years of swinging and my jadedness is really starting to catch up.

Why not just delete?

I'd take no offence to anyone I message deleting it if they aren't interested in me

Well maybe because us single men tend to believe in treating other fellow swinger couples and female singles and each other with more respect. Unless it's one of those copypasta sort of messages looking for a quick roll in the hay, we would actually appreciate couples or single females showing enough interest to message us that even if we do turn them down we'd at least spare them a "thanks no thanks" message instead of just deleting.

Some call it inflated egos, like some here have already done. Some see it as human decency and treating the other party as a human being with feelings and stridently refusing to dehumanise them. See it how you will. It's quite telling who on here I'll definitely avoid at all costs. "

Its also not very decent to expect a lady to spend 6+ hours a day replying to messages when they have a life away from fab and as I said in my earlier post 198 messages at 2mins each to say a decent no thanks is most of the free time in my day gone today

How exactly is it human deceny to expect that from another person?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now.

what difference would a no really make? Other than gibe you the opportunity to ask why not?

Exactly !"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now.

Maybe you're messaging people (like me) who aren't looking? I get masses of messages even though I make it clear what I'm looking for, if people don't read my profile, I don't read their messages

Reading your profile if you're having problems with single men messaging you because they didn't bother reading the part about you not being interested in meeting men 121 etc, the "block all single men from messaging" option exists for a reason.

Use it. "

why do you get to tell someone how to run their profile?..and you've just confirmed the reason messages get deleted....men dont read profiles very often. its that simple. if they can't be arsed to do that , why should they expect a reply at all?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *reygorCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

we try to not to delete but if it is clear that some one has not read our profile ie sent us a [am the best fuck on fab got a body like can take your mrs to heaven ]message you gone .we clearly state only normal every day folks

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

I've just received a one word message off of a guy

In his profile he says please reply to my well thought out messages

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By *reygorCouple
over a year ago

birmingham


"I've just received a one word message off of a guy

In his profile he says please reply to my well thought out messages

"
get outa here

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

TRUE FACT: every woman on this site spent the first 2 weeks replying No, to the 10,000 messages a day they received, and the buttons on the keyboards wore out, so now they can't do it anymore.

Alternative true fact, too many No messages on one Internet server cause the disks to run backwards from all the negative energy. So in order to save the planet, women are asked to just delete negative interest messages

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"I've just received a one word message off of a guy

In his profile he says please reply to my well thought out messages

"

I'm currently trying to find out why a man who doesn't match my preferences at all has bothered to send me a message. So for, all he's come up with is he thought he would give it a bash, no harm in trying, thought he would change my mind, I should give him a chance etc. That is rude, disrespectful, objectifying and utterly self entitled.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"I've just received a one word message off of a guy

In his profile he says please reply to my well thought out messages

I'm currently trying to find out why a man who doesn't match my preferences at all has bothered to send me a message. So for, all he's come up with is he thought he would give it a bash, no harm in trying, thought he would change my mind, I should give him a chance etc. That is rude, disrespectful, objectifying and utterly self entitled.

"

Which is why it's just easier not to reply to the chancers like that and be labelled a rude bitch with a stick up her arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The message I had earlier intimated he'd read my profile but thought he'd have a go anyway even though I'm clearly not interested in fucking guys. Why the fuck should I be polite to people who don't respect my choices?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

Some people, mostly single girls, would literally spend hours saying no thanks. It's the nature of it, and whilst it's annoying, I'd have to say we've come to terms with it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"I've just received a one word message off of a guy

In his profile he says please reply to my well thought out messages

I'm currently trying to find out why a man who doesn't match my preferences at all has bothered to send me a message. So for, all he's come up with is he thought he would give it a bash, no harm in trying, thought he would change my mind, I should give him a chance etc. That is rude, disrespectful, objectifying and utterly self entitled.

Which is why it's just easier not to reply to the chancers like that and be labelled a rude bitch with a stick up her arse "

I usually do but occasionally have had enough coffee and sunshine to hold a conversation to point out the error of their ways. The upshot was he wanted to get his dick wet and as a woman on a sex site, I'm here to service any man that demands it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of people state on here, via the forums and profiles, that if they get a message and they suspect the sender hadn't read their profile, they will delete the message without replying.

So I suspect that some guys who then spend time reading the profile and crafting a 'well thought out message' get disheartened when their message is simply deleted without reply.

They did what they thought was expected of them, and therefore take the lack of reply personally.

I can understand that conclusion, but it's likely to be a mistaken conclusion, as they're not taking into account that the recipient simply isn't interested.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *XHNHWoman
over a year ago

Stokeish...


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now.

Maybe you're messaging people (like me) who aren't looking? I get masses of messages even though I make it clear what I'm looking for, if people don't read my profile, I don't read their messages

Reading your profile if you're having problems with single men messaging you because they didn't bother reading the part about you not being interested in meeting men 121 etc, the "block all single men from messaging" option exists for a reason.

Use it. "

I don't need to as there are single guys who message me telling me when they're going to clubs I visit etc and that's great, I meet guys that way. However when I see messages that aren't relevant I just delete- doesn't bother me, I'm merely answering the question about why women instantly delete

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"I've just received a one word message off of a guy

In his profile he says please reply to my well thought out messages

I'm currently trying to find out why a man who doesn't match my preferences at all has bothered to send me a message. So for, all he's come up with is he thought he would give it a bash, no harm in trying, thought he would change my mind, I should give him a chance etc. That is rude, disrespectful, objectifying and utterly self entitled.

Which is why it's just easier not to reply to the chancers like that and be labelled a rude bitch with a stick up her arse

I usually do but occasionally have had enough coffee and sunshine to hold a conversation to point out the error of their ways. The upshot was he wanted to get his dick wet and as a woman on a sex site, I'm here to service any man that demands it."

Naturally your legs should have already been spread in wait

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By *ovely CummingsWoman
over a year ago

Peaky Nipples


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

If it's very clear from a message, that my profile hasn't been read, i delete without any response....

I find it more impolite someone sending me a message when it's clear they haven't bothered reading my profile. (I even say that)

Also, by not replying, it can stop any more messages, as the site will block 'spamming'

The site faqs state it's not impolite not to reply.

I will answer no thanks to those that i can tell have at least taken the time to read my profile

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Imagine you're at a market. You're there to buy something, you've got money to spend.

It's a very full market. Hundreds of stalls. Loads of stuff.

Every single stallholder is verbally calling you to visit their stall and buy something.

As you walk through it's a cacophony of noise.

Do you stop at every single stall to say no?

Why do women need to do this just to appease men's inability to infer that a deletion means they're not interested? Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a huge difference between mediated communication and face to face/social communication.

Mediated communication isn't the best, nor is it particularly effective (within the definition of this site), nor is it particularly healthy if excersized over the other.

Additionally, it's considered inhuman.

Now take this site which is here for the purpose to allow people to explore a very very human act, it's actually an oxymoron, a paradox.

It dehumanises particular elements, which simply can't be controlled because of the mechanics of the site.

I understand the frustration of people sending messages only to see them unread, or discarded. Effort put in or not.

What I don't understand is that they fail to see the simple mechanics of the site, and how it effects everyone, not just them.

And in my opinion, that in itself shows a particular egocentric attitude.

To tell others how they should act and manage their use of the site to suit them, despite their point of view, that just narcissistic.

Personally I'm not going to get twisted about how others use the site, I'm going to focus on how we use it, as well as those who are like minded, and therefore have a much funner time for it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There's a huge difference between mediated communication and face to face/social communication.

Mediated communication isn't the best, nor is it particularly effective (within the definition of this site), nor is it particularly healthy if excersized over the other.

Additionally, it's considered inhuman.

Now take this site which is here for the purpose to allow people to explore a very very human act, it's actually an oxymoron, a paradox.

It dehumanises particular elements, which simply can't be controlled because of the mechanics of the site.

I understand the frustration of people sending messages only to see them unread, or discarded. Effort put in or not.

What I don't understand is that they fail to see the simple mechanics of the site, and how it effects everyone, not just them.

And in my opinion, that in itself shows a particular egocentric attitude.

To tell others how they should act and manage their use of the site to suit them, despite their point of view, that just narcissistic.

Personally I'm not going to get twisted about how others use the site, I'm going to focus on how we use it, as well as those who are like minded, and therefore have a much funner time for it. "

Well said

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

To be honest I'd take the deletion of your message as a "no" that doesn't need to be confirmed in writing

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You clearly don't understand then...

A lot of females/couple's get hoardes of messages and simply don't have the time to go through them all and pick and choose who they say no to as it would take so long. So they simply delete.

A lot of people dont bother to read the profile so why should we make the effort to reply.

A lot of men will harass you after you say no. Asking why you won't meet them and then they won't leave you alone. You can avoid this by deleting it and not replying.

~Mia

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...


"If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete. "

This.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

..and the word no leaves us open to endless why nots or abuse, i always used to be polite and reply to every message but when you wake up to 58 unread messages would you have time to be replying no thanks and get drawn into an endless conversation as to why you don't want to meet, and do you reply to every piece of junk mail saying no thanks that comes through your letter box? As stated in FAQ section no reply means not interested!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

An instant delete to a messege is nothing to do with manners. Its following the FAQ guidlines. I find it rude when people call me rude for following the sites giidlines.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

I do reply at times, at the moment I have 758 unread messages in my inbox. It's not that I'm ignorant or rude, I just simply don't have the time to reply to all. There's probably messages in there that I won't ever actually see from people I'd really enjoy meeting or chatting to.

It's happened before when I've gone through my messages, cleared a load, got to a well written one that's clearly taken some effort, made me laugh but by the time I've gotten to it the user has left the site and I've felt gutted. Having to trawl through hundreds of messages that just say "Hi, I'm in your area today and can guarantee you a good time" and then realising you've missed a good one because your inbox is rammed full of crap is a pain for us ladies too.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Best illustration ever!

Alright then if that is the case I think us single men on here should make it a point from now on that if we get messaged from couples or single females we have no interest in we should straight up delete their messages and be done with it.

No polite "thanks no thanks", no response, no nothing. Sounds fair?

I find it vomit-inducing that we've sunk to the level whereby so many on here consider single male interest in them to be on par with junk mail in the mailbox.

Christ. Seven years of swinging and my jadedness is really starting to catch up. "

There's nothing to stop you doing whatever you wish. Reply or delete. It's all in you hands. Just as your dick is in your hands and you can caress it, shove it somewhere or just let it be...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Many who I have said no too just keeping on and on. If someone has deleted your message that says it all.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"The OP 'inexperienced Steve ' asked a reasonable question and has got the correct explanation why people ( single women mainly ) don't reply as they just can't reply to 100 messages a day !

The interesting thing though is the couples who replied . One said they didn't reply as their profile showed they weren't looking for single men . That's fine but why don't they adjust their filters so single men can't message them ?

Another couple said they got into an e mail ping pong after they told a single guy they weren't meeting anyone at the moment . That's even worse as they have totally wasted the single guys time as they could have added they weren't meeting anyone at the moment to their profile or status bar and he may not have wasted time contacting them.

It's not just the single guys who are inconsiderate on the site .

Our advice to inexperienced Steve is forget Fab you are talking 100+ single women to every guy so you've little chance . Go onto normal dating sites where the women want sex too but the female/male balance is much more favourable "

they could have added they weren't meeting anyone at the moment to their profile or status bar and he may not have wasted time contacting them.

They ignore the status bar and the header for profile, mine states that if there's no meet posted, I'm not meeting, guess what? I get hundreds of messages asking for meets when I don't have one posted, I get told all sorts of crap, "just chancing it, thought I'd try, worth a go" etc,

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"After taking time to write a message and add a face pic and it gets deleted immediately.

A polite no would suffice. I understand a lot of women and couples on here get somewhat harassed on her from other single blokes.

But as I said a "no" wouldn't be too hard now."

Delete, block, and move on mate. Plenty more fish in the sea, and blocking people not interested in you means you get to concentrate on people who may be

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

If they have read my profile I will read their message simples, if they can't be arsed to fair enough but don't get shocked and pissed that I delete your ass.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry.

I do reply at times, at the moment I have 758 unread messages in my inbox. It's not that I'm ignorant or rude, I just simply don't have the time to reply to all. There's probably messages in there that I won't ever actually see from people I'd really enjoy meeting or chatting to.

It's happened before when I've gone through my messages, cleared a load, got to a well written one that's clearly taken some effort, made me laugh but by the time I've gotten to it the user has left the site and I've felt gutted. Having to trawl through hundreds of messages that just say "Hi, I'm in your area today and can guarantee you a good time" and then realising you've missed a good one because your inbox is rammed full of crap is a pain for us ladies too.

"

What a problem to have! I really feel your pain! It must be awful...!

But take your time. I'll be still here when you get to read my message.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Best illustration ever!

Alright then if that is the case I think us single men on here should make it a point from now on that if we get messaged from couples or single females we have no interest in we should straight up delete their messages and be done with it.

No polite "thanks no thanks", no response, no nothing. Sounds fair?

I find it vomit-inducing that we've sunk to the level whereby so many on here consider single male interest in them to be on par with junk mail in the mailbox.

Christ. Seven years of swinging and my jadedness is really starting to catch up. "

You've been swinging since you were 16?!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The fact of the matter is that single men are very much treated like Happy Meals on here at the whim and fancy of the fantasies of couples and single females. That much has become clear to me recently with the final recognition of what things really are like on here.

Single men don't find success on Fab as swingers? They just get dissed with remarks along the lines of not expecting a #instashag on here, or just going for paid sex outside or if they're younger single men around my age bracket straight up told to just go and hit the nightclubs and "leave the swinging for the mature couples to partake in". Why? Because we're too plentiful that's why.

The dehumanisation of single men in the swinging community is a community-inbuilt mentality and fact that has slipped into common acceptance without any challenge against it whatsoever. Fine, there are lots of single men who are rotten eggs and ruin it for everyone else. So do couples, so do single females. So why aren't those two groups subject to the same derision and automatic standoffish attitude and distrust that single men face on here?

Anyone here wanna try and dispute this fact with me? "

What I have observed is exactly what you have said,

Just look at the replies when a single man says hes giving up and leaving here, "Bye", "What took so long?", "Dont let the door hit you on the way out", etc etc. And worse, and frankly other rude and offensive replies.

Contrast that when a single woman says she is leaving, for what ever reason. Youll find all sort of people fawning over her, begging her not to go.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Apparently it is acceptable in fab swingers to delete a message, as it is stated in the rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With regards to junk mail, I return the SAE enclosed with junk mail from another nuisance. They have to pay the postage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some guys need to grow up,stop behaving n making comments like petulant children.some of you really do yourselves no favours.what woman or couple wants to step away from their day to day life with family, friends colleagues whingeing and bickering,to bring the same negativity into their fantasy life.So someone didn't reply,big deal.get over it.other peoples fab life isn't all about you.

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By *BCambsCouple
over a year ago

Biggleswade

We delete messages without reply.

We used to reply to every one but that leads to long back and forth messages when all we are trying to say is no, I was even offered money!

Now the only time we respond with a polite no is if the message stands out in some way, otherwise it's just not worth the hassle.

We don't wish to offend anyone but I don't think singles realise how many messages we get, especially if you do something sexy like post a picture or say something in the forum.

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By *ercuryMan
over a year ago

Grantham

The inbalance of single men to women/couples on here, means that lots of men play the percentage game, and just scattergun the site, hoping that one seed will bear fruit.

I read profiles, and then re-read. If distance, age, preferences etc are met 100%, then I'll compose a message of several lines, and always include a clear face pic. If that message gets deleted, then I move on; no point chasing. Trouble is, most men have egos and to some, these egos are very fragile.

Two years has seen me send maybe 10 messages out, one success but hey, the one was worth the nine deletions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?"

Fair point well made

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By *oluptuousWetOneWoman
over a year ago

Wokingham / Reading


"Because sometimes saying no normally enters into either a torrent of abuse or a pleading conversation which turns into a torrent of abuse."

Not to mention a reply means any filters later applied would not apply

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By *ittenbutnotshyCouple
over a year ago

North Manchester


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

This "

Agreed

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Because sometimes saying no normally enters into either a torrent of abuse or a pleading conversation which turns into a torrent of abuse.

Not to mention a reply means any filters later applied would not apply "

I this happens whether you reply or not...? x

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"I this happens whether you reply or not...? x"

*I thought

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Fair point well made"

Well not really,do you see the message's you send as being junk mail,are you like a takeaway leaflet,do you want to be looked on like that?! I know I for one don't.

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Fair point well made

Well not really,do you see the message's you send as being junk mail,are you like a takeaway leaflet,do you want to be looked on like that?! I know I for one don't."

Yeh I don't either.... hence I use the marketplace analogy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?

Fair point well made

Well not really,do you see the message's you send as being junk mail,are you like a takeaway leaflet,do you want to be looked on like that?! I know I for one don't."

Totally agree

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

We really need to start treating each other with a bit more respect,obviously not the tossers that send us abusive message's however,but to treat someone else's message like it's contaminated is the pits.

Maybe we need to change roles for a day,all women be men then we can see how crap it is to have all our messages either instantly deleted or left unread,I'm thinking certain people will rethink the junk mail analogy.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"We really need to start treating each other with a bit more respect,obviously not the tossers that send us abusive message's however,but to treat someone else's message like it's contaminated is the pits.

Maybe we need to change roles for a day,all women be men then we can see how crap it is to have all our messages either instantly deleted or left unread,I'm thinking certain people will rethink the junk mail analogy. "

don't think that would work though. most of us who get loads of messages would understand that it's not possible for someone to reply to say no thanks and we'd accept that.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"We really need to start treating each other with a bit more respect,obviously not the tossers that send us abusive message's however,but to treat someone else's message like it's contaminated is the pits.

Maybe we need to change roles for a day,all women be men then we can see how crap it is to have all our messages either instantly deleted or left unread,I'm thinking certain people will rethink the junk mail analogy. "

Great idea Ignite! Just open a new profile as a single guy, the type you would like to meet, then message some women and couples. You'll love it lol!

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"We really need to start treating each other with a bit more respect,obviously not the tossers that send us abusive message's however,but to treat someone else's message like it's contaminated is the pits.

Maybe we need to change roles for a day,all women be men then we can see how crap it is to have all our messages either instantly deleted or left unread,I'm thinking certain people will rethink the junk mail analogy.

don't think that would work though. most of us who get loads of messages would understand that it's not possible for someone to reply to say no thanks and we'd accept that."

but it must be so disheartening when your messages go unanswered all the time,I've only ever known what that's like on a few occasions and that's generally on a dating site. I may feel slight disappoint at the time,but to have it on every message I send would be pretty pants.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"We really need to start treating each other with a bit more respect,obviously not the tossers that send us abusive message's however,but to treat someone else's message like it's contaminated is the pits.

Maybe we need to change roles for a day,all women be men then we can see how crap it is to have all our messages either instantly deleted or left unread,I'm thinking certain people will rethink the junk mail analogy.

Great idea Ignite! Just open a new profile as a single guy, the type you would like to meet, then message some women and couples. You'll love it lol! "

I don't think I could cope I'm a fragile little bunny at the moment,I just want everyone to be nice to each other

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By *oluptuousWetOneWoman
over a year ago

Wokingham / Reading


"We really need to start treating each other with a bit more respect,obviously not the tossers that send us abusive message's however,but to treat someone else's message like it's contaminated is the pits.

Maybe we need to change roles for a day,all women be men then we can see how crap it is to have all our messages either instantly deleted or left unread,I'm thinking certain people will rethink the junk mail analogy.

Great idea Ignite! Just open a new profile as a single guy, the type you would like to meet, then message some women and couples. You'll love it lol! "

See that's assuming women don't ever send messages already that get ignored, you just don't get many of them complaining about it like 3sum said we accept it.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"We really need to start treating each other with a bit more respect,obviously not the tossers that send us abusive message's however,but to treat someone else's message like it's contaminated is the pits.

Maybe we need to change roles for a day,all women be men then we can see how crap it is to have all our messages either instantly deleted or left unread,I'm thinking certain people will rethink the junk mail analogy.

don't think that would work though. most of us who get loads of messages would understand that it's not possible for someone to reply to say no thanks and we'd accept that.

but it must be so disheartening when your messages go unanswered all the time,I've only ever known what that's like on a few occasions and that's generally on a dating site. I may feel slight disappoint at the time,but to have it on every message I send would be pretty pants.

"

dunno, i don't feel sorry for anyone fishing for a sympathy fuck tbh, don't see why i'd be sad over someone being unable to get something as shallow as NSA sex either.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"We really need to start treating each other with a bit more respect,obviously not the tossers that send us abusive message's however,but to treat someone else's message like it's contaminated is the pits.

Maybe we need to change roles for a day,all women be men then we can see how crap it is to have all our messages either instantly deleted or left unread,I'm thinking certain people will rethink the junk mail analogy.

Great idea Ignite! Just open a new profile as a single guy, the type you would like to meet, then message some women and couples. You'll love it lol!

I don't think I could cope I'm a fragile little bunny at the moment,I just want everyone to be nice to each other "

The majority of people in here are genuinely nice people, always remember that. My suggestion was mostly in jest

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"A regular conversation thread.

'Hi' - 'Hello'

'How are you?' - 'fine thanks you, yourself?'

'Great, fancy meeting up?' - 'sorry, but we're not meeting guys/gals/couples right now'

'Why not?' - 'because we've chosen not to right now'

'But why not, what's wrong with me?' - 'nothings wrong, we're sure you're lovely but we're simply not meeting...'

'If you give me a chance, I'm sure I could persuade you otherwise' -'we wish you luck on fab, but we won't be meeting you. Sorry, and have fun'

'Well fuck you then, time wasting idiots'

.

.

.

Or we could simply delete and block. "

Wow sounds strangely familiar....

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"

dunno, i don't feel sorry for anyone fishing for a sympathy fuck tbh, don't see why i'd be sad over someone being unable to get something as shallow as NSA sex either.

"

I normally think the same,however the way I'm feeling at the moment though I think I'd give out sympathy shags . Normal service will be resumed shortly.

I am partly joking by the way I have no interest in nsa at the moment whatsoever,I'm just in a very strange mood lately.

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By *issVeryWoman
over a year ago

streatham

This is how I look at it..does anybody sit and question why someone swiped left on the likes of Tndr and starts an online thread about it? No.

Stop questioning it here. We are all ultimately swiping left and right, just because the site offers a more comprehensive profile for some and forums to chat in, doesn't mean anybody owes anyone anything.

Like many, I look at the profile before the message and I do my "swiping"/"deleting"/"responding" based on what I see there.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"

dunno, i don't feel sorry for anyone fishing for a sympathy fuck tbh, don't see why i'd be sad over someone being unable to get something as shallow as NSA sex either.

I normally think the same,however the way I'm feeling at the moment though I think I'd give out sympathy shags . Normal service will be resumed shortly.

I am partly joking by the way I have no interest in nsa at the moment whatsoever,I'm just in a very strange mood lately."

you're not in a strange mood, and i do get your points, but you have to be hard faced on here or people take advantage.

i really wouldn't pity fuck anyone coz i hate manipulation and people who play on emotions. and that's basically what guys try to do when they say we should have 'manners', like we should be grateful for their offer of their dick and say no so they aren't constantly waiting in their inbox for someone to say yes...

honestly, it's all shit at the end of everything because they are just looking for someone to put their dick in and want to be acknowledged that they are doing something right or wrong when really they should be observing men who are doing it right, observing women and seeing what they want, and then trying to seduce us.

another problem is clueless people are trying to do things they are not ready to do. and then ask how they can do that like it's that easy? why not google how to do stuff even, why not bother to get to know what people are like and how they work before trying to interact with them?

men think being nice means you're easy as well so another reason why i don't feel sorry for self pitying men.

and i don't care if that makes me hard hearted, i learn from experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It only takes 2 seconds to send a 'thanks but no thanks' message,doesn't it? So it would seem unreasonable not to do so. BUT,supposing you've received 10 messages and you really want to reply to one of them.Time is limited and you only have a minute to spend on FAB.

out of that minute you then have to spend 18 seconds replying to the ones you didn't want to reply to in the first place,plus time in between to read them.Now you've got 42 seconds maximum to compose,re read,edit and send a message to the person that you really do fancy (who,by now may have lost patience and blocked you, but that's another story).

Then suppose that you have not ten but twenty messages,,,still only a minute,though. It now seems slightly unreasonable for everyone to want a 'thanks but no thanks',wouldn't you say?

Not all of us have a lot of time to spare so it's very a very handy feature,that little bulk delete button.

In the time that I have been typing this,the man of my dreams could have messaged me,got fed up with waiting for me to reply,blocked ,me and started a thread about how unfair the whole thing is,I would never know.

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By *l4yerMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Just to clarify, if he started a thread about it, you could still read it. Blocking doesn't block forum threads.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it's pretty clear our profile hasn't been read we delete. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I never expect a reply to a message, if I do then all good but total understand with how inundated with messages from single guys on here couples and single fem would actually need a personal secretary to reply to every message. So by receiving no reply to my message I take that as a very honest no your not my type or what I'm looking for we can't be everyone's cup off tea

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By *mojeeCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline

If someone sends a message that clearly shows they haven't read our profile then why should we be bothered to read their message. It works both ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If someone sends a message that clearly shows they haven't read our profile then why should we be bothered to read their message. It works both ways. "

Good answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like doing it, but if the message hasn't jumped out and grabbed my attention, I'd be wasting both of our times if I was to reply. A "simple no" may seem simple, but typing out a (polite) no 2 or 300 times a day isn't for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We really need to start treating each other with a bit more respect,obviously not the tossers that send us abusive message's however,but to treat someone else's message like it's contaminated is the pits.

Maybe we need to change roles for a day,all women be men then we can see how crap it is to have all our messages either instantly deleted or left unread,I'm thinking certain people will rethink the junk mail analogy. "

You are suggesting that empathy and understanding would make people respect each others' predicament, but I don't think understanding does solve anything. My boyfriend and I both have separate accounts so we've experienced both sides first and second hand. He tends to moan, I tend to moan, we have pondered, discussed and repeatedly argued about the respective gender challenges on here... There is no solution and nothing to alleviate the irritation caused by a system that is dramatically imbalanced (totally not the site's fault btw, this a societal thing at large).

The ONLY thing I can think of that might help would be for women to up their game - not by sending more "thanks but no thanks" replies but by being more proactive, risking the approach, initiating contact and doing some pursuing/wooing/seducing... rather than sitting back passively considering their options.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sometimes i instant delete without reading depends how many messages are in my inbox

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"A regular conversation thread.

'Hi' - 'Hello'

'How are you?' - 'fine thanks you, yourself?'

'Great, fancy meeting up?' - 'sorry, but we're not meeting guys/gals/couples right now'

'Why not?' - 'because we've chosen not to right now'

'But why not, what's wrong with me?' - 'nothings wrong, we're sure you're lovely but we're simply not meeting...'

'If you give me a chance, I'm sure I could persuade you otherwise' -'we wish you luck on fab, but we won't be meeting you. Sorry, and have fun'

'Well fuck you then, time wasting idiots'

.

.

.

Or we could simply delete and block.

Wow sounds strangely familiar...."
certainly does although worse words than idiots are generally used

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By *odelmasterMan
over a year ago

Rugby

I am with you on this one, despite the comments and feelings and input of others.

Some people ask for a specific which id feel I meet and ping..message deleted straightaway I get people can get loads of unwanted messages and it must be hard at times to go through stuff but it is a tad rude just to go DELETE...

it must be lovely to be in the position to be so resolute and sure just to delete...


"Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

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By *reygorCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

ha ha .we had 38 messages today 4 just said ;hi;what you gonna do ?delete course you are

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"I am with you on this one, despite the comments and feelings and input of others.

Some people ask for a specific which id feel I meet and ping..message deleted straightaway I get people can get loads of unwanted messages and it must be hard at times to go through stuff but it is a tad rude just to go DELETE...

it must be lovely to be in the position to be so resolute and sure just to delete...

Personally, I don't care if they say no.

And manners generally don't cost a thing.

If someone takes the time to message me, the least I can do is reply, regardless of what the answer may be.

This is just my opinion, didn't want to cause a forum war here.

Was just curious.

Sorry."

You carry on being upset when your messages are deleted unread then, I mean obviously they want to meet you but decide to delete your message instead.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am with you on this one, despite the comments and feelings and input of others.

Some people ask for a specific which id feel I meet and ping..message deleted straightaway I get people can get loads of unwanted messages and it must be hard at times to go through stuff but it is a tad rude just to go DELETE...

it must be lovely to be in the position to be so resolute and sure just to delete...

"

Why is it rude ? If you read the FAQ it says a deleted messege means 'no thanks'.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

It's frustrating after you have read their profile, wrote a decent message and attached face pics, that the message is just instantly deleted but it's their prerogative to do that, and I just take it as their way of saying sorry you're not for us.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"it must be lovely to be in the position to be so resolute and sure just to delete..."

once you've been here a while you get an idea of what you want and what's realistically on offer, and it's easy to dismiss guys then.

no pics, then i cba to chat to you and then find out i don't even find you physically attractive so bye.

you say you're into what i want but have nothing on the profile to reflect that or even worse have something that contradicts this? bye.

and them's only the first couple of things to pop into my head. longer you're here the easier it is to figure out, in less than a several second glance at your profile, on whether i think i'm compatible at all. if a make wrong choices that's down to me but there's so many ways where it is actually easy to make the choice you think is so hard.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

The majority of my messages get deleted because they start with "hi babe" or "meet today?" (Or similar wordings). I instantly know they havent read my profile so I honestly can't be arsed to read their message.

85 new messages today all but 2 have been deleted because of the above

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

and this is where a lot of guys fail too. they think women are stupid when they're actually not.

we can make our own choices coz we observe and weight things up, try stuff out, dismiss what let us down previously.

men should take an long hard look at who they're messaging and think to themselves, does this profile even resemble my own? coz trust me if yours does not then you are likely to be rejected.

and hell, coz women are so demanded of on here by the desperate really men should be having better profiles than women with more on them.

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

If we're talking about having more understanding of what it's like to be on here as the opposite gender then maybe the site should change how it registers single male profiles. Maybe they should be registered as female for the first 24 hours and then changed to male so that they experience what it's like to be a single female on here.

In my first 24 hours on fab as a single female I received over 2000 messages, most of which were just fancy a shag or hello. At that point I hadn't even filled in my profile or added any photos!

Maybe then we would have some understanding of why so many ladies and couples treat these types of message like junk mail

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...


"It's frustrating after you have read their profile, wrote a decent message and attached face pics, that the message is just instantly deleted but it's their prerogative to do that, and I just take it as their way of saying sorry you're not for us. "

We can fully understand that, and that is why we always reply to everyone who has obviously taken the trouble to read (and understand) our profile and bothered to put a decent message together. Even if it is just a no thanks.

We don't get as many as some of the single ladies on here but around half a dozen messages per day would be about average for us.

Of those, five will be the usual one liners (in many cases not even a full line) which will all be deleted, as will any using txt spk. "Hows U" will usually win the race to the delete button.

So far today we've had two messages, One deleted and one answered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It must be really frustrating after making the effort. I suppose that a delete is a definite no at least, if a message goes unanswered you are left wondering."
guess it's just evolved to be the easiest and fairest way of doing it,for both parties. (wouldn't say No to a Yes from you, though ( Had to chance my arm )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I normally reply, but sometimes someone totally the opposite of what I like who either hasn't read any of my profile, or thinks he's so wonderful I will change my preference for him will message me. These sometimes get deleted, especially if I'm feeling grumpy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you send a polite no letter in response to every takeaway leaflet or piece of junk mail that comes through your letterbox?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get your point

But if I get a message and they have not read my profile, then delete button

or its one of those " Hi " messages, dont have time for that

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's frustrating after you have read their profile, wrote a decent message and attached face pics, that the message is just instantly deleted but it's their prerogative to do that, and I just take it as their way of saying sorry you're not for us.

We can fully understand that, and that is why we always reply to everyone who has obviously taken the trouble to read (and understand) our profile and bothered to put a decent message together. Even if it is just a no thanks.

We don't get as many as some of the single ladies on here but around half a dozen messages per day would be about average for us.

Of those, five will be the usual one liners (in many cases not even a full line) which will all be deleted, as will any using txt spk. "Hows U" will usually win the race to the delete button.

So far today we've had two messages, One deleted and one answered. "
well you have another message now hope you like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I say no thank you, we're not all instant deleters.

I may miss one or two occasionally, but I eventually get around to looking at my unread messages. "

I assume it's much easier for you tho.....your filters block single men!

But I see no problem in messages being deleted...it's easier, and less grief than replying "no thanks..... you are ugly and not suitable". Maybe the OP would prefer that?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may think writing a message and sending a face pic is effort on your part, but if you haven't read the profile or are even remotely what the recipient is looking for, then why should they waste time thanking you for an unsolicited message?

Pandering to the egos of people you'll never meet is just a waste of time for all parties.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe,as you click 'send', a banner could come up saying something like ''just remember,you may not be the only person messaging this profile,they may be in conversation with someone else or they may be busy and in a rush.Try not to be too disappointed if you don't get a reply''.

Something like that?

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