FabSwingers.com forum: Coming out

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Feel like I may need to come out

Some of my mates are homophobic and I box dunno how people would take me at the gym

Is it needed did coming out have a positive effect on peoples lives or negative would love to hear back

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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cardiff

Why do you need to "come out"? Do people really need to know your sexually? Is it important to you that people know?

I'm gay but I don't feel that it is something that is important that people *have* to know, I don't care, neither should they.

If you think you need to say because of homophobic people but worry about their reaction then you can stand up for gay people without saying that you are gay.

If you think coming out will get a negative reaction and standing up for gay people could get some backlash, all you can do is just not encourage them - don't laugh along with any jokes, don't join in, and when pressed for a reason - you're just not a dick and what people do in their own lives is not something that concerns you or anyone else.

People tend to bitch about others to get a reaction and encouragement or a fight, don't give them the reaction they want and they soon get bored and move on.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Whose business is it anyway? What do you want to achieve? Why do it? Do they specifically tell you that they are straight? No? Then. No need to tell them you're bisexual.

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

"Feel like I may need to come out

Some of my mates are homophobic and I box dunno how people would take me at the gym

Is it needed did coming out have a positive effect on peoples lives or negative would love to hear back"

Only you can know for yourself what is best for you. As for me, I think that feeling the need to hide an essential part of ones' self can be damaging....as in, "they wouldn't really like/love me if they knew the truth about me."

That being said, other posters points also have merit, they've been there done that. I am not gay or bi, so haven't struggled with that issue.

For my part, I've been in situations where I had to hide my true self for safety reasons, and can only say it hurt me.

I have two gay daughters, and am grateful they had the courage to "come out" to me at the ages of 12 and 17. It has only been positive for me and (hopefully) for them. I love them no matter what.

Some will accept you, some won't...but in the end, do you want to surround yourself with people who don't accept you for who you are?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a very few of my friends know im bi -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most people only care about themselves - you being gay will be gossip for 10 mins and it will move on to something else!

Good luck x

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

"Feel like I may need to come out

Some of my mates are homophobic and I box dunno how people would take me at the gym

Is it needed did coming out have a positive effect on peoples lives or negative would love to hear back"

I have a mate that recently had a civil partnership with his hubby, he said he went through he'll mentally and physically when he came out. He lost a lot of friends when he did, but the ones that stayed he gets a lot from.

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

"Feel like I may need to come out

Some of my mates are homophobic and I box dunno how people would take me at the gym

Is it needed did coming out have a positive effect on peoples lives or negative would love to hear back

Any friends lost because they find out you're gay weren't friends to begin with!

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By *hoot45Man
over a year ago

Ramsgate

Every situation is different, so it's a difficult thing to give advice about. If you think that coming out will make things more comfortable for u then do it. But when it's done it can't be undone, so think carefully before u let the genie out of the bottle!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Coming out only exists for a couple of reasons mainly -

Most people assume others are like them and in the potential majority

Some people think they'll be better off by coming out, either they let go of any inhibition, feeling they're hiding something or gain other personal strength from it.

It's largely dictated by a culture that's been less accepting of gay and bi people, with a marginalised/hidden minority group. If there had always been equality and no expectations then it wouldn't have become a major issue for some.

I think it's better for each of us to be comfortable in our own skin first and foremost and to have people around us who are good for us. The people who are around us due to situation may not be the people we'd otherwise choose to be close with and share very personal secrets. We can still be selective about who we share with though.

And we don't have to have a tsunami of telling all of the world on the same day.

I'd not rush to tell homophobic people unless you feel very secure and are especially close. You can rebuke their hate without coming out.

First and foremost question what it is that you need.

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