FabSwingers.com forum: Taking the time to send a nice constructed message

By *ardiffguy OP Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Pisses me off to do this. You take the time to read their profile. Address their needs. Send face pics. Be polite and courteous and they can't even take the time to say thanks but no thanks. Or are they just fakes ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Know what you mean

You do find the odd person who does reply and are usually great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Entitled.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you read the site FAQs they will clearly explain that if you get no reply, you can take it that they are not interested. they are not rude..they are just not interested..it does not matter if that pisses you off..it is how it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay...I currently have 2316 unread messages ..

How do you propose I do this ?

So you open your emails and reply no thank you to the 1000+ promotional offers????

No time does not = ignorance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can understand it must be frustrating but a no thanks can often lead to abuse, or being asked why, or ongoing conversation which is not wanted.

The FAQ's do clearly state that due to high messages numbers to take a no reply as a no thanks.

Some women get so many messages that answering no thanks to the all the random ones they dont want to meet means they arent actually talking to the ones they do!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay...I currently have 2316 unread messages ..

How do you propose I do this ?

So you open your emails and reply no thank you to the 1000+ promotional offers????

No time does not = ignorance "

exactly,,

,,nicely put

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By *uziebabyWoman
over a year ago

Worcester

Blame your fellow man! After a while on here you find sending no thanks messages results in being pestered with but why messages followed by are you sure and on and on.

Try mailing the person who didn't reply again and read the message flagged up by admin and see the sites view on this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blame your fellow man! After a while on here you find sending no thanks messages results in being pestered with but why messages followed by are you sure and on and on.

Try mailing the person who didn't reply again and read the message flagged up by admin and see the sites view on this. "

better ignore than reply "thanks but no thanks",,all you get is abuse,,and admin do nothing

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By *nkySwitchTV/TS
over a year ago

Stirling

I doubt a hell of a lot actually read the FAQ's tbh.

I rarely get abuse for saying no thanks, if i did then i'd take it as it is and they'd be blocked. More often than not i receive a message saying thank you for the polite reply.

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By *harliehobbesMan
over a year ago

Vlissingen

Wait, I would like some education then.

Those times where I've received a "no thank you message back" I have always replied thanking them for taking the time to respond and wishing them happy Fabbing.

I thought this was the polite thing to do but am I really adding to the problem then?

Honestly curious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they don't reply they either have no time or there not interested if you can't accept it leave the site. That's how it works get used to it

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By *ortland51Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Keep doing what you are doing though, OP.

It's always sad to see someone contradict their principles and standards for someone/something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay...I currently have 2316 unread messages ..

How do you propose I do this ?

So you open your emails and reply no thank you to the 1000+ promotional offers????

No time does not = ignorance "

Damn, you need to clean as you go, lady! That many unopened mails would kill me

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"Wait, I would like some education then.

Those times where I've received a "no thank you message back" I have always replied thanking them for taking the time to respond and wishing them happy Fabbing.

I thought this was the polite thing to do but am I really adding to the problem then?

Honestly curious."

no, you're not the problem.

the ones who ask why not in the hope of changing our mind as they miraculously become what we are looking for, the ones who message again asking despite being previously rejected, the ones who are nasty when we say no thanks, they are the problem.

the other problem is we do not know which type of guy you are before we reply, it's safest not to.

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Wait, I would like some education then.

Those times where I've received a "no thank you message back" I have always replied thanking them for taking the time to respond and wishing them happy Fabbing.

I thought this was the polite thing to do but am I really adding to the problem then?

Honestly curious."

You are not adding to the problem by saying thanks for the reply and wishing them well. Those kind of messages are actually nice to get.

The real problem is that so many guys can't handle rejection and some become rude and abusive when you tell them no thanks. If everyone responded like you do it would mean more ladies and couples would try to take the time to reply just to say no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay...I currently have 2316 unread messages ..

How do you propose I do this ?

So you open your emails and reply no thank you to the 1000+ promotional offers????

No time does not = ignorance

Damn, you need to clean as you go, lady! That many unopened mails would kill me

Looool I wait until it gets to a round number hahaha I missed 2000 so I'll do 2500 now I'm soooo weird lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wait, I would like some education then.

Those times where I've received a "no thank you message back" I have always replied thanking them for taking the time to respond and wishing them happy Fabbing.

I thought this was the polite thing to do but am I really adding to the problem then?

Honestly curious.

You are not adding to the problem by saying thanks for the reply and wishing them well. Those kind of messages are actually nice to get.

This

Yesterday .. I replied I'm really sorry but right now your nit what I'm looking for . Happy fabbing though ...

Now I only replied bc the initial message was so lovely

I then had a reply "but why? ..what exactly are you looking for then " ...I then had to go into what it was .. I politely explained at this moment in time I'm predominantly looking for black guys. . To which I had a very abusive reply back

Would have been so much easier to have deleted without reading after seeing his pic in my inbox

Add to that you simply can't reply to all ...I hope this answers your question x

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By *harliehobbesMan
over a year ago

Vlissingen

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

I'll just keep being my and try not to stick my foot in my mouth in future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm afraid you'll find this is the norm for guys. Women, especially single women are the most sought after on this site, so they not only get the most messages but also have the luxury to pick and choose. You'll find it's the same on fetish/BDSM sites and dating sites.

I've been on this site (on and off) for 10 years as both a guy and TV and have only met 3 women, so I know it's tough. Either keep going in hope someone is interested, or call it quits. I know how guys become jaded and leave but this is just how these sites work!

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By *arge Hardon ColliderMan
over a year ago

Not far away

I'm back here for the second time, so certainly under no illusions.

I was a bit frustrated when I joined the first time, after having some well thought out messages deleted or left unread.

It's not for everyone and many will be quickly disillusioned.

It was not until I had a reply from the female half of a couple I had messaged, saying that mine was the only message out of around a hundred they had received that day, that she had replied to, that I realised how many messages couples and single ladies get.

It can be worth the effort though, I finished up meeting that couple many times, and they were amazing.

After going to an event at a club (Jaydees masqueraded ball 2014) and getting more verifications, things became a little easier and I finished up meeting more wonderful and sexy people (plus a few nutters!)

My point is, if you have realistic expectations, you won't be too disappointed.

I'm sure the good people here, will be forthcoming with plenty of good advice that should be of help, so good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have *never* replied to unsolicited junk mail from the local Kebab shop saying, "thank you for the leaflet that you dropped but Kebabs make me sick"

- Mrs. J -

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By *arge Hardon ColliderMan
over a year ago

Not far away

"I have *never* replied to unsolicited junk mail from the local Kebab shop saying, "thank you for the leaflet that you dropped but Kebabs make me sick"

- Mrs. J -"

Now come on. We're all here for a bit of kebab, so you've got to expect a certain amount of flyers advertising kebabs.

Though, it is up to us to select from the array of leaflets advertising such treats, which of the salty, greasy "meat" shaving filled bread envelopes, we would like to take things further with and whether or not, to contact the establishment advertising kebabs of no interest, to thank them for their time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have *never* replied to unsolicited junk mail from the local Kebab shop saying, "thank you for the leaflet that you dropped but Kebabs make me sick"

- Mrs. J -

Now come on. We're all here for a bit of kebab, so you've got to expect a certain amount of flyers advertising kebabs.

Excellent comeback

- Mrs. J -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm afraid you'll find this is the norm for guys. Women, especially single women are the most sought after on this site, so they not only get the most messages but also have the luxury to pick and choose. You'll find it's the same on fetish/BDSM sites and dating sites.

eh,,id beg to differ,,not all women get the most messages just some,,just sayin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You haven't asked for profile advise so I can't give it. But in all honesty if you messaged us, with you profile as it stands, it would be an instant delete. And we do try to reply to messages that are thoughtfully written.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Obviously your response hasn't addressed their needs as much as you thought.

I've said this before,on fab there is someone for everyone,not everyone for someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have *never* replied to unsolicited junk mail from the local Kebab shop saying, "thank you for the leaflet that you dropped but Kebabs make me sick"

- Mrs. J -

Now come on. We're all here for a bit of kebab, so you've got to expect a certain amount of flyers advertising kebabs.

And there are those of who know they should throw those leaflets away, but they can't quite resist the kebabs, even when sober.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say.

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By *eedsortingMan
over a year ago

Radley

What it shows is that you are perhaps taking the site too seriously too. This is broadly an anonymous site and everyone on here has their own reasons for being here and their own specific set of likes, desires, fetishes, dreams. It is commendable that you take time to write what you feel is a considered message. However, there is no obligation for anyone to read or respond. The easiest thing to do is just accept that it happened and move on. Getting pissed off about it won't change anything and just ends up making you bitter. It is a simple joy and pleasure when you do get a reply and a response, even more so when the person has replied with a considerate reply. Take those moments instead and you will find things are a lot better on the site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection is not nice. Accept it move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Entitled. "
unsympathetic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Entitled. unsympathetic"

Yep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Entitled. unsympathetic

Yep

"
wordsmith

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have *never* replied to unsolicited junk mail from the local Kebab shop saying, "thank you for the leaflet that you dropped but Kebabs make me sick"

- Mrs. J -

Now come on. We're all here for a bit of kebab, so you've got to expect a certain amount of flyers advertising kebabs.

And there are those of who know they should throw those leaflets away, but they can't quite resist the kebabs, even when sober.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. "

I know what you are saying

I've had a 'Kebab' or two when inebriated; didn't even have the leaflet to hand

- Mrs. J -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We will always answer a well thought out message even if it's a negative response, as we don't get that many messages, and most of the ones we do get are the usual "Hi how are you" "hi what you up to" etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Entitled. unsympathetic

Yep

wordsmith"

OK I'm not sure if you're playing a bit of banter or getting personal now, but on a day like today my sympathy, empathy and compassion is a finite resource reserved for more important things, not another thread from someone old enough to know better. So I'm out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As others have said, a no reply/straight delete to a message is an accepted 'no' on Fab, I think you need a thicker skin OP.

The way I see it, writing tailored messages is the right thing to do, I always think you should put in the effort when striking up a new conversation. I have a couples profile and having seen the shit single guys write, I'm even more of a believer that if messaging you should put in the effort, it goes such a long way.

Yes, you're gonna message people that don't message back or delete your carefully crafted message, but that's the way this place is. And you have to remember, just because they are hot to you, you might not be to them. So check your ego a little dude, appreciate the people that do reply and don't worry about those that don't, they weren't right for you any way.

Good luck and don't let it get you down, there are far bigger things in life for that privilege.

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By *arge Hardon ColliderMan
over a year ago

Not far away

"I have *never* replied to unsolicited junk mail from the local Kebab shop saying, "thank you for the leaflet that you dropped but Kebabs make me sick"

- Mrs. J -

Now come on. We're all here for a bit of kebab, so you've got to expect a certain amount of flyers advertising kebabs.

Excellent comeback

- Mrs. J -"

Thank you

Now excuse me, while I get looking for a nice tasty kebab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

According to the FAQ bit, no reply is fine, it means they arent interested in meeting you.

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By *hynot5642Man
over a year ago

Southampton

I would have thought that is the idea of a wink, it shows you are interested so the other person can come back if they are too. If they are not there has not been a lot of time wasted. For some unkown reason some people do not like winks, but to me it is a simple way of showing interest that can be taken further if the recipient is interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wait, I would like some education then.

Those times where I've received a "no thank you message back" I have always replied thanking them for taking the time to respond and wishing them happy Fabbing.

I thought this was the polite thing to do but am I really adding to the problem then?

Honestly curious.

You are not adding to the problem by saying thanks for the reply and wishing them well. Those kind of messages are actually nice to get.

This

Yesterday .. I replied I'm really sorry but right now your nit what I'm looking for . Happy fabbing though ...

Now I only replied bc the initial message was so lovely

Would have been so much easier to have deleted without reading after seeing his pic in my inbox

Add to that you simply can't reply to all ...I hope this answers your question x

If you get any tall handsome white guys with big willys you could refer them to my profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pisses me off to do this. You take the time to read their profile. Address their needs. Send face pics. Be polite and courteous and they can't even take the time to say thanks but no thanks. Or are they just fakes ?? "
guys see them as rude some women and couples see them as expecting or needy but plain simple truth is some women and couples get so many messages they just can't keep up so dont bother ,its just numbers ,you just gotta live with it

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By *arvin35Man
over a year ago

penrith

My personal take as a guy and as someone who writes polite, thought out messages and not "fancy a fuck" -

If the womans profile is fairly empty and not much info but the pics attracted me then if it goes unread or deleted, either way, that's it, end of correspondence.

If its someone with a well written profile etc I might message again a week or two later on the chance that the first was deleted as part of a mass delete, then if the second message is deleted, end of correspondence.

If she writes back saying thanks but no then I always reply saying thanks for responding and have fun anyway. I never query why!

Its still frustrating when you see a profile and think you tick all there boxes and its still a delete or a no thanks but that's the way it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It really is a problem created by the masses of illiterate, ego centric guys in this site, and others.

My rule of thumb, be nice, if you get turned down, move on, you can't be everything to everyone all the time.

Now to save me messaging, any lovely ladies that care to grace my profile and ping me a message, I would be very appreciative and will turn my sexually creative tap on and share with you the musings of my sexual mind.

Good luck all x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I doubt a hell of a lot actually read the FAQ's tbh.

I rarely get abuse for saying no thanks, if i did then i'd take it as it is and they'd be blocked. More often than not i receive a message saying thank you for the polite reply."

Me too. I always try and reply a no thanks but have to get there before T as he is a deleter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does someone get that many messages?

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