FabSwingers.com forum: How Discreet Are you? What if family or friends find out?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm curious to know how you would deal if someone you knew found out you were on fab i.e. Family or friend, or friend of a friend.

Its worrying as it could be used against you!

Some people I know are on there but how do I know they won't tell anyone in conversation

Vanilla folk would never understand my free attitude to sex and open friendships

Also how the hell can I meet a vanilla guy now I'm a swinger, once a swinger always a swinger right?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You have to hope others are as discreet as you are. In general though I would say that its a risk we all run. If it came to it we would just deny, deny, deny.

I don't like the term vanilla but I don't think that not being a swinger means you haven't got a free and open attitude to sex.

Quite a few people swing for a while then stop but for some swinging is for life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm curious to know how you would deal if someone you knew found out you were on fab i.e. Family or friend, or friend of a friend.

Its worrying as it could be used against you!

Some people I know are on there but how do I know they won't tell anyone in conversation

Vanilla folk would never understand my free attitude to sex and open friendships

Also how the hell can I meet a vanilla guy now I'm a swinger, once a swinger always a swinger right? "
I got outed by a jealous ex friend. She told every one at my kids school. My kids and anyone else that would listen.

My parents already knew my lifestle choice and had no issue with it. I lost a few friends and dont get invited on Mothers meetings but I also dont have to hide anything.

She outed me big style with screen shots of my gg likes and photos. She ended up moving away as after the initial shock ( as apparently I dont look the type) people slated her for being so shitty a friend.. rather than me for being different.

My younger two kids still have no clue.. and my older ones just dont mention it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't make a point of telling anyone about our more adult hobbies, but this by no means we are ashamed of it and if it was to come to the attention of others then so be it. I think those that out others come across much worse than swingers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some really nice person on here sent my mum a msg on face book to tell her I was on here hence no face pics on show any more and very untrusting of any one on here. My mum didn't care and her and my dad just take the piss out of me which Is quite funny but if it had been some one else or work it wouldn't have been so funny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm curious to know how you would deal if someone you knew found out you were on fab i.e. Family or friend, or friend of a friend.

Its worrying as it could be used against you!

Some people I know are on there but how do I know they won't tell anyone in conversation

Vanilla folk would never understand my free attitude to sex and open friendships

Also how the hell can I meet a vanilla guy now I'm a swinger, once a swinger always a swinger right? "

I'd freak. Noone knows I'm on here (hopefully) and I don't fancy the photos I put on here put on Facebook either

as for the last question, I'm here as a single, if I was to get into a relationship it would probably have to be vanilla. That's down to past experiences though probably

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Seems of be more of a stigma for women or couples (especially those with kids) than single men who are expected to 'put it about'.

I'm out. Everyone except my Dad knows, wouldn't care if he did. My Mum (who is a massive sex prude) even gave me advice about a former FB from here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone needs some passionate moments in their life, to relax from their daily stress. It can be various forms for various people. To me sex is the best way to deal with it.

I'm not going to say out loud in public that I'm on fab, but if they get to know, yes I'm and not shy to say yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ended up with my next door neighbours off here. Never even had an inkling they were like they were. I have put the story on here in the past. Risky meet it's called

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By *ogging coupleCouple
over a year ago

Derby

Nobody ha a clue about our activities. Not ashamed but wouldn't want it known.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A couple of friends know I'm on here and I know a couple of people on here from school etc. I wouldn't be that bothered with people knowing, but prefer to be discreet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Discretion is important to me, but for good reasons. People who aren't part of this community don't understand and are inevitably quick to judge and condemn. That's to be expected, but perception (of why people are part of this community) is often a million miles away from the truth.

The vast majority of people on here have far more integrity than most. In my relatively short time here it is that which has struck me most. Looking in from the outside you might not have expected that, but that's an example of negative perceptions.

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By *issVeryWoman
over a year ago

streatham

I am open about being on here..All my friends know, even mum knows(about going to clubs to). All she's worried about is that I still look for a partner even though I'm on a "sex site", as she calls it.

I don't walk around announcing it everywhere, but if it comes up in honest.

It's 2017, why are we still letting it be such a big deal and a stigma? I have asked this before, is it going to lose a bit of the appeal if it all suddenly became "normal". Are a lot of people getting off at the element of discretion and hiding it, the fact that it's taboo?

I will not allow anyone in this life to make me feel bad about myself or the things I do. Anyone outing me will not achieve the desired impact.

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By *aurenkaWoman
over a year ago

London

My parents already knew my lifestle choice and had no issue with it. I lost a few friends and dont get invited on Mothers meetings but I also dont have to hide anything.

My younger two kids still have no clue.. and my older ones just dont mention it"

That is hell of the story!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm curious to know how you would deal if someone you knew found out you were on fab i.e. Family or friend, or friend of a friend.

Its worrying as it could be used against you!

Some people I know are on there but how do I know they won't tell anyone in conversation

Vanilla folk would never understand my free attitude to sex and open friendships

Also how the hell can I meet a vanilla guy now I'm a swinger, once a swinger always a swinger right? "

I think most of my friends know I go to sex clubs and sleep with people I don't really know. Pretty sure my family know what I get up to as well, since my Dad once asked if I was a swinger.

They're all just fine about it, to be honest. Nobody ha ever said anything bad. If they don't like it, I guess they have self-selected themselves out of my friendship group already.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Most of our friends know. But we are not out to family or work...though a couple of the wife's work colleagues and her union rep do know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm open about my lifestyle so all my friends and family know. Most at work too. No one can use it against me if it's no secret

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

Most of our friends and family know - it's a sort of open secret - a sort of don't ask don't tell tel situation.

We've not lost any friends because of it, quite the opposite in fact!

We're often asked about our lifestyle/clubs/parties and are happy to educate people, though always tell them this lifestyle doesn't suit everyone. (Although very open, we don't let on who else shares our lifestyle)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Discretion is important to me, but for good reasons. People who aren't part of this community don't understand and are inevitably quick to judge and condemn. That's to be expected, but perception (of why people are part of this community) is often a million miles away from the truth.

I agree completely, others just wouldn't understand

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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago

bristol

To be fair i am pretty open about my lifestyle with family and friends. They are know i live and "adventurous" life with it.

Way i see it is if everyone knows it cant really bite me in the ass.

Only thing work has said is on the legal grounds which is dont do anything that would bring them into disrepute. Which is quite easy so all sorted

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I ended up with my next door neighbours off here. Never even had an inkling they were like they were. I have put the story on here in the past. Risky meet it's called "

No need for the "I ran out of sugar" excuse then lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Everyone needs some passionate moments in their life, to relax from their daily stress. It can be various forms for various people. To me sex is the best way to deal with it.

I'm not going to say out loud in public that I'm on fab, but if they get to know, yes I'm and not shy to say yes. "

Good way of putting it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some of my friends know - some are fascinated - some giggle and one not arsed at all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You have to hope others are as discreet as you are. In general though I would say that its a risk we all run. If it came to it we would just deny, deny, deny.

I don't like the term vanilla but I don't think that not being a swinger means you haven't got a free and open attitude to sex.

Quite a few people swing for a while then stop but for some swinging is for life."

Fair enough thanks for comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm curious to know how you would deal if someone you knew found out you were on fab i.e. Family or friend, or friend of a friend.

Its worrying as it could be used against you!

Some people I know are on there but how do I know they won't tell anyone in conversation

Vanilla folk would never understand my free attitude to sex and open friendships

Also how the hell can I meet a vanilla guy now I'm a swinger, once a swinger always a swinger right? "

We've given up on any pretence now. It just became so laborious.

Our family and friends know and those who disapprove can go hang.

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

"I'm curious to know how you would deal if someone you knew found out you were on fab i.e. Family or friend, or friend of a friend.

Its worrying as it could be used against you!

Some people I know are on there but how do I know they won't tell anyone in conversation

Vanilla folk would never understand my free attitude to sex and open friendships

Also how the hell can I meet a vanilla guy now I'm a swinger, once a swinger always a swinger right? "

We are discreet about our sex lives, not just about swinging but about the sex we enjoy together.

It is nobody else's business whether we are fucking like rabbits, sleeping with others or anything else.

That is our personal life and is not for others to gossip about.

If family ot friends asked us if we were swingers we would not lie we would tell them yes we are and we enjoy swinging.

It is like many things in life there is no need to share our life with the world.

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By *ocbigMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

I find that life necessarily compartmentalises itself, i have various interests & hobbies that do not cross over & one sports club I belong to most don't know that I like NHL hockey for example...not a secret, just never comes up. Likewise sex, I am not a macho boaster of how many, where, when etc, not through anything else other than it isn't anyone else's business unless I make it their business.

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By *abe1200Couple
over a year ago

belfast

"I'm curious to know how you would deal if someone you knew found out you were on fab i.e. Family or friend, or friend of a friend.

Its worrying as it could be used against you!

Some people I know are on there but how do I know they won't tell anyone in conversation

Vanilla folk would never understand my free attitude to sex and open friendships

Also how the hell can I meet a vanilla guy now I'm a swinger, once a swinger always a swinger right? "

We will deny it,i think our friends and family are non swingers maybe we are wrong,i dont think they will understand why we do what we do discretion to us is a must and will not openly admit it to anyone what we are upto.

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By *kin BohnerMan
over a year ago

derby

I'm do doing nothing wrong or illegal what can anyone I know use against me? I'm not ashamed of being on here and if asked I'll talk about it. If you are open and honest you take away the chance of anyone trying to hurt you over your life style choice.

It's my choice how I live my life if someone doesn't like it that's their problem.

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By *issVeryWoman
over a year ago

streatham

"I'm do doing nothing wrong or illegal what can anyone I know use against me? I'm not ashamed of being on here and if asked I'll talk about it. If you are open and honest you take away the chance of anyone trying to hurt you over your life style choice.

It's my choice how I live my life if someone doesn't like it that's their problem. "

Exactly

The more you "hide it" the more ammunition you're creating.

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By *erfect TenWoman
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I am very discrete and nor really about everyone knowing my business but I wouldn't loose sleep if it came out.

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Dosnt bother us, we are secure together and its outpr life.

Friends should be less surprised at a couple who are secure and love eachother, than alot of those we know, who are cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt want others to know especially family. I would have problems at work too and would probably lose my job.

Recently someone here has told me he sees me at xxxxx (a leisure activity g and i go too). I dont know how he would know us there among many thousands of people especially as we dont have photos that make us recognisable. He clearly wanted to worry me as he hasnt responded to my messege asking how he knows us.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Whilst I wouldn't broadcast my membership of this site and activities as a result of it, if I were to be "outed" I'm pretty certain that family and friends would treat the news with a shrug of the shoulders and say "Yes, so what?"

Everyone, regardless of being members here or not has their own sexual likes and dislikes, some of them more "out there" than others for sure, just because mine don't conform to the societally accepted "normal" doesn't mean I am ashamed of them, nor should I feel such if they were ever to come to be known by people I know outside of this lifestyle.

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

A few of our vanilla friends know we swing, and a couple of relatives. We don't broadcast our hobby but we're not ashamed of it either, we believe peoples' sex lives are their own business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had a guy message us saying he knew L through his ex wife and how he was surprised to see her on here, at no point disclosing who he was or who his ex wife was

He then proceeded that not to worry he was discreet, i explained clearly not that discreet or he would of just blocked us and moved on rather than playing the i know you you don't know me game

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best friend knows I'm here

I text him when I'm on a date... just to ensure my safety

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just mention that to find me on here, they would also have to be on here. I already found some old school mates on here and on fet and we all agree to be discreet about it all. At the end of the day, it's no one's business what we get up to in our private lives. What we enjoy. If it doesn't coincide with their frigid ways, then sucks to be them, they can't stop me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm curious to know how you would deal if someone you knew found out you were on fab i.e. Family or friend, or friend of a friend.

Its worrying as it could be used against you!

Some people I know are on there but how do I know they won't tell anyone in conversation

Vanilla folk would never understand my free attitude to sex and open friendships

Also how the hell can I meet a vanilla guy now I'm a swinger, once a swinger always a swinger right? "
I havnt told anyone I know I'm on here but it wouldn't phase me if anyone found out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All my important people know I am on here so I don't worry about anyone 'outing' me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem for me is that i would lose my job.

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By *ea_CoffeeCouple
over a year ago

Near Kettering

Our parents wouldn't understand and we wouldn't really want them to know but if it happens it happens. We dont tell them how to live and we are not ashamed of our choices either so we would weather the storm and just carry on we guess.

If we was put in a situation where we felt we were being manipulated or even black mailed we would again just weather the storm. Rather that than give any kind of control of our lives to idiot bully.

Our attitude towards our friends is simple. We are who we are and you take us for that. Its not as if we try getting them to join us or forcing our lifestyle on them.

Kids well we dont tell them what we do and probably wont volunteer that information but we both agree that being honest with them is in the long run the best policy. The truth always comes out in the end so why make it harder for them to trust you. The truth is one day they need help themselves and will know they can trust you to give genuine and supporive advice

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I'm curious to know how you would deal if someone you knew found out you were on fab i.e. Family or friend, or friend of a friend.

Its worrying as it could be used against you!

Some people I know are on there but how do I know they won't tell anyone in conversation

Vanilla folk would never understand my free attitude to sex and open friendships

Also how the hell can I meet a vanilla guy now I'm a swinger, once a swinger always a swinger right?

We are discreet about our sex lives, not just about swinging but about the sex we enjoy together.

It is nobody else's business whether we are fucking like rabbits, sleeping with others or anything else.

That is our personal life and is not for others to gossip about.

If family ot friends asked us if we were swingers we would not lie we would tell them yes we are and we enjoy swinging.

It is like many things in life there is no need to share our life with the world."

I wouldn't confirm or deny. I'm not on trial and i don't have to answer anyones questions or respond to their comments. Generally if someone wants to confront me about something then they come off worse and if it was someone i care about (e.g. parents) then i would stonewall the question in a way that even Michael Howard would smirk at.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

Could not care less, as I am single.

People know me for who I am...and we all have needs after all and sure they would be happy that I am happy

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