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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

"

On Wednesday

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

On Wednesday "

that's what i like to here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Friday although I was happy to pay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

On Wednesday

that's what i like to here "

He was a total gentleman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a single girl but i do socials occasionally and the last two (with the same person) has paid for the drinks both times.

I've either been lucky or got a great choice in men, as men have always offered to pay for drinks.

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Friday although I was happy to pay"

great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

About a week ago. But I offered to pay for it.

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"About a week ago. But I offered to pay for it."

and he refused to hear of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

for a meet rather than an actual date, then,i would rather pay my share,buy alternate drinks etc...i would feel rather uncomfortable if a man 'insisted' on paying..to me that's not the same as being a gentleman at all..and certainly for ma meet i wouldn't be happy being made to feel uncomfortable,almost beholden,to anyone. .being asked out for dinner on a date however is different,and i would be happy to have dinner paid for, but would still offer to buy a drink etc.

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"for a meet rather than an actual date, then,i would rather pay my share,buy alternate drinks etc...i would feel rather uncomfortable if a man 'insisted' on paying..to me that's not the same as being a gentleman at all..and certainly for ma meet i wouldn't be happy being made to feel uncomfortable,almost beholden,to anyone. .being asked out for dinner on a date however is different,and i would be happy to have dinner paid for, but would still offer to buy a drink etc."

i see your point but i was raised to believe the guy always pays for the woman or women on a social event so sex meet social they are the same a social event only difference being degrees of intimacy , that mind set has nothing to do with sex more to do with chivalry than anything else .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"for a meet rather than an actual date, then,i would rather pay my share,buy alternate drinks etc...i would feel rather uncomfortable if a man 'insisted' on paying..to me that's not the same as being a gentleman at all..and certainly for ma meet i wouldn't be happy being made to feel uncomfortable,almost beholden,to anyone. .being asked out for dinner on a date however is different,and i would be happy to have dinner paid for, but would still offer to buy a drink etc.

i see your point but i was raised to believe the guy always pays for the woman or women on a social event so sex meet social they are the same a social event only difference being degrees of intimacy , that mind set has nothing to do with sex more to do with chivalry than anything else ."

to me they are not the same at all, and i would find it far from chivalrous for a man to 'insist' on any aspect of a meet rather than a date.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

On Friday and then I insisted on paying for the second round. It's 2017

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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

On Tuesday. I got bought a ham and pickle sandwich. Who says chivalry is dead?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always offer to pay my way, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. And on the odd occasion I've paid, I think it makes guys realise that you aren't just after a free meal type thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

generally the fella buys first and I will offer to buy second drink. Sometimes accepted sometimes not x

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I will always pay my way on any kind of date and I would not want it any other way. I would not discuss it but if someone got all insistent and paid anyway without taking my request to share the cost into consideration then almost certainly I wouldn't be seeing them again. That's not chivalry, that's ignorance.

If it is someone I know then it is delightful to be treated but I would then reciprocate another time.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not single, but there are a couple of guys that I sometimes see alone. They tend to pay the lions share, which is their choice. I will offer, but I certainly wouldn't argue if they declined my offer. But as I explained in my thread last week on chivalry, I like these old fashioned differences in the ways men and women treat each other.

Mrs

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

most times, but i always offer to go halves and if they again insist on paying i let them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went for a lovely meal Friday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hasn't happened yet lol x

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By *tillwaterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I would definitely insist on paying, whether its a fab meet or a normal date. However, i appreciate when a woman offers to by a round or go halves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Next weekend... he has a hotel booked ready for us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Next weekend... he has a hotel booked ready for us"

What if he doesn't buy you a drink, though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See ladies you have all shown how hard it is for a guy to get it right.

I think of myself as a gentleman and feel if I've asked you out I should pay at least for the first few drinks at least. Though it's nice to be offered to get a drink by the lady. I wouldn't insist they couldn't pay. As I wouldn't want her to be uncomfortable. Though I'd assume she wasn't that interested in taking things further. Call me old fashioned

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I am not a fan of Chivalry as I have always stated but taking your female swinger friend to a nice spot you frequent and paying for drinks and food should not be something you think about, it should be natural and you as a guy should pay without thinking especially if you asked her out, this is not a vanilla chic trying to deceive you or use you as vanillas always do , these are cool chics you fuck when you like and they are not disturbing you.

That said, if your female swinger friend wants to take you out and wants to pay thats fine as long as you know she is able and you have established who you are to her and its not something you requested, she offered. I think guys should not be too proud to accept little things like that from the ladies.

I really enjoy going out with female swingers , they are really cool and you will enjoy your time with them , you might even get your cock sucked as you drive etc stop over and get some sweet pussy, imaginative things like that, you would think you are 18 again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always offer but I kinda like a man who takes charge and insists on paying.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Good question it's been a while,I like the guy to at least pay for the first drink then I will pay for the next. I don't think some guy's like that though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am not a fan of Chivalry as I have always stated but taking your female swinger friend to a nice spot you frequent and paying for drinks and food should not be something you think about, it should be natural and you as a guy should pay without thinking especially if you asked her out, this is not a vanilla chic trying to deceive you or use you as vanillas always do , these are cool chics you fuck when you like and they are not disturbing you.

That said, if your female swinger friend wants to take you out and wants to pay thats fine as long as you know she is able and you have established who you are to her and its not something you requested, she offered. I think guys should not be too proud to accept little things like that from the ladies.

I really enjoy going out with female swingers , they are really cool and you will enjoy your time with them , you might even get your cock sucked as you drive etc stop over and get some sweet pussy, imaginative things like that, you would think you are 18 again."

Vanillas always deceive or use? Generalisation much?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am not a fan of Chivalry as I have always stated but taking your female swinger friend to a nice spot you frequent and paying for drinks and food should not be something you think about, it should be natural and you as a guy should pay without thinking especially if you asked her out, this is not a vanilla chic trying to deceive you or use you as vanillas always do , these are cool chics you fuck when you like and they are not disturbing you.

That said, if your female swinger friend wants to take you out and wants to pay thats fine as long as you know she is able and you have established who you are to her and its not something you requested, she offered. I think guys should not be too proud to accept little things like that from the ladies.

I really enjoy going out with female swingers , they are really cool and you will enjoy your time with them , you might even get your cock sucked as you drive etc stop over and get some sweet pussy, imaginative things like that, you would think you are 18 again.

Vanillas always deceive or use? Generalisation much?"

indeed..and swinger 'chicks' are ones you fuck 'when you like'?..what ignorant drivel...

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Hasn't happened yet lol x"

your joking right .,,?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

over 2 years ago, although I paid for the hotel room, so it worked out we'd spent the same

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"over 2 years ago, although I paid for the hotel room, so it worked out we'd spent the same"

you have got to be joking please tell me you are joking .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never. I only meet respectful people so they wouldn't 'insist'.

Anyway I turn up first and get my own drink to avoid any weird negotiations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've often thought it must be hard for men these days in knowing what to do. Is it right to offer to pay for a lady, or will she be offended. If the woman offers to pay her way, is she just being polite and not wanting to take advantage (like me), or does she really mean it when she wants to go half? I will offer because I don't want a man to feel he has to pay for me when he doesn't want to. But when I offer, is that man thinking 'I'd really like to pay for her, but I don't want to offend her by insisting'. So I too feel in a difficult dilemma - if he wants to pay for me I would like to honour that because I'm old fashioned. But will he misinterpret my offer to go half as me not wanting him to pay. For me, there's nothing wrong with a bit of 'insistance' from a man, because then I can be sure he genuinely wants to pay for me, and I can be left with a clear conscience that I am not taking advantage.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

On Wednesday "
I always pay .......... Cmon one at a time please

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By *ugatits76Woman
over a year ago

somewhere over the rainbow


"Hasn't happened yet lol x"

Me neither haha

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"See ladies you have all shown how hard it is for a guy to get it right.

I think of myself as a gentleman and feel if I've asked you out I should pay at least for the first few drinks at least. Though it's nice to be offered to get a drink by the lady. I wouldn't insist they couldn't pay. As I wouldn't want her to be uncomfortable. Though I'd assume she wasn't that interested in taking things further. Call me old fashioned"

just means you're not as compatible with that person as you thought. neither way of doing it is wrong.

if i was poor i'd love to still spoil myself occasionally but would have to rely on someone else to do it instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Must be a generational thing Classy. It wouldn't occur to me NOT to pay. You're paying a compliment. Saying, in a way, 'I like you, I respect you, I'm flattered that you're with me and I want to show it in some small way '.

Equally, one has to be sensitive to the immediate feedback. One can't impose one's mores on someone you've only just me and don't know.

I often feel that anything else is rather bleak.

(Mr)

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I always go halves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only once out of all the socials I've had has anyone ever paid for my drinks. I did leave the money on the table for the last round but when I went back to the table he gave it me back which shocked me a bit as it was a lovely gesture. Normally I'm the one left with the bill so it was a refreshing change

He will be rewarded though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saturday, and I returned the favour yesterday

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land


"ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

"

My last social, he bought breakfast. We had met the day before for coffee and we both bought drinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Saturday before last, drinks and dinner. I did offer to go Dutch but he said he was paying as he'd asked me to dinner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Must be a generational thing Classy. It wouldn't occur to me NOT to pay. You're paying a compliment. Saying, in a way, 'I like you, I respect you, I'm flattered that you're with me and I want to show it in some small way '.

Equally, one has to be sensitive to the immediate feedback. One can't impose one's mores on someone you've only just me and don't know.

I often feel that anything else is rather bleak.

(Mr)"

I'm probably from between generations, and it's confusing as to what the etiquette is. The modern way is that genders should be equal, which is quite right, but I guess to many this sentiment extends beyond equal opportunities etc. I personally still hanker after the old way and will certainly take it as a huge compliment if a man refuses to let me pay. But other women will regard this as disrespectful. I guess it is disrespectful if the woman who wants to pay her way is ignored in her wishes. But I personally want a man to ignore my offer to pay because I'm only offering to be polite. How does a man know if the woman will take offence if he insists on paying or if she will lap it up? I think we live in very confusing times.

Mrs

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Must be a generational thing Classy. It wouldn't occur to me NOT to pay. You're paying a compliment. Saying, in a way, 'I like you, I respect you, I'm flattered that you're with me and I want to show it in some small way '.

Equally, one has to be sensitive to the immediate feedback. One can't impose one's mores on someone you've only just me and don't know.

I often feel that anything else is rather bleak.

(Mr)

I'm probably from between generations, and it's confusing as to what the etiquette is. The modern way is that genders should be equal, which is quite right, but I guess to many this sentiment extends beyond equal opportunities etc. I personally still hanker after the old way and will certainly take it as a huge compliment if a man refuses to let me pay. But other women will regard this as disrespectful. I guess it is disrespectful if the woman who wants to pay her way is ignored in her wishes. But I personally want a man to ignore my offer to pay because I'm only offering to be polite. How does a man know if the woman will take offence if he insists on paying or if she will lap it up? I think we live in very confusing times.

Mrs"

one thing i will add is this what about respecting the mans wishes on the subject . we hear a lot about respecting a womans wishes to go halve but very little about respecting the mans wishes .

its obvious why

women don't want to feel like they owe the man something for the meal and the drinks but here's the thing ladies a true gentlemen's mind wouldn't think like that .

i like to pay for no other reason that it makes me feel masculine it has nothing to do with sex but how i was raised

I'm not saying i don't or would not let a fwb treat me every now and again but on the whole I'm more comfortable if i pay and it has nothing to do with sex or the getting of sex .

there are woman on here who can back me up on that because ive brought them a meal on a social and then turned down a offer of sex at the end of the social .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I Either meet for coffee or they come to my place but I can't remember when a guy offered to pay for all the drinks. Maybe it's never happened.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"Must be a generational thing Classy. It wouldn't occur to me NOT to pay. You're paying a compliment. Saying, in a way, 'I like you, I respect you, I'm flattered that you're with me and I want to show it in some small way '.

Equally, one has to be sensitive to the immediate feedback. One can't impose one's mores on someone you've only just me and don't know.

I often feel that anything else is rather bleak.

(Mr)

I'm probably from between generations, and it's confusing as to what the etiquette is. The modern way is that genders should be equal, which is quite right, but I guess to many this sentiment extends beyond equal opportunities etc. I personally still hanker after the old way and will certainly take it as a huge compliment if a man refuses to let me pay. But other women will regard this as disrespectful. I guess it is disrespectful if the woman who wants to pay her way is ignored in her wishes. But I personally want a man to ignore my offer to pay because I'm only offering to be polite. How does a man know if the woman will take offence if he insists on paying or if she will lap it up? I think we live in very confusing times.

Mrs

one thing i will add is this what about respecting the mans wishes on the subject . we hear a lot about respecting a womans wishes to go halve but very little about respecting the mans wishes .

its obvious why

women don't want to feel like they owe the man something for the meal and the drinks but here's the thing ladies a true gentlemen's mind wouldn't think like that .

i like to pay for no other reason that it makes me feel masculine it has nothing to do with sex but how i was raised

I'm not saying i don't or would not let a fwb treat me every now and again but on the whole I'm more comfortable if i pay and it has nothing to do with sex or the getting of sex .

there are woman on here who can back me up on that because ive brought them a meal on a social and then turned down a offer of sex at the end of the social ."

Why are you more comfortable that you pay?

v x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Must be a generational thing Classy. It wouldn't occur to me NOT to pay. You're paying a compliment. Saying, in a way, 'I like you, I respect you, I'm flattered that you're with me and I want to show it in some small way '.

Equally, one has to be sensitive to the immediate feedback. One can't impose one's mores on someone you've only just me and don't know.

I often feel that anything else is rather bleak.

(Mr)

I'm probably from between generations, and it's confusing as to what the etiquette is. The modern way is that genders should be equal, which is quite right, but I guess to many this sentiment extends beyond equal opportunities etc. I personally still hanker after the old way and will certainly take it as a huge compliment if a man refuses to let me pay. But other women will regard this as disrespectful. I guess it is disrespectful if the woman who wants to pay her way is ignored in her wishes. But I personally want a man to ignore my offer to pay because I'm only offering to be polite. How does a man know if the woman will take offence if he insists on paying or if she will lap it up? I think we live in very confusing times.

Mrs

one thing i will add is this what about respecting the mans wishes on the subject . we hear a lot about respecting a womans wishes to go halve but very little about respecting the mans wishes .

its obvious why

women don't want to feel like they owe the man something for the meal and the drinks but here's the thing ladies a true gentlemen's mind wouldn't think like that .

i like to pay for no other reason that it makes me feel masculine it has nothing to do with sex but how i was raised

I'm not saying i don't or would not let a fwb treat me every now and again but on the whole I'm more comfortable if i pay and it has nothing to do with sex or the getting of sex .

there are woman on here who can back me up on that because ive brought them a meal on a social and then turned down a offer of sex at the end of the social ."

I agree, I've always felt that to put my foot down to a man insisting on paying would be a bit of a slap in the the face for the man who considers me worth it and wants to do something lovely for me. Though admittedly when I was a teenager I was more feminist in my view and thought that men and women should go Dutch. I always remember by mother saying to me that if a gentleman pays for a lady that means he regards her as worth it, and that I should act like I consider myself to be worth it. That's what I try to do now. One thing I will say, in my extensive of men, is that those who like to pay are usually also those who have treated me more respectfully in generally. Not all the time, but in my life there is definitely a pattern.

Mrs

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton


"Must be a generational thing Classy. It wouldn't occur to me NOT to pay. You're paying a compliment. Saying, in a way, 'I like you, I respect you, I'm flattered that you're with me and I want to show it in some small way '.

Equally, one has to be sensitive to the immediate feedback. One can't impose one's mores on someone you've only just me and don't know.

I often feel that anything else is rather bleak.

(Mr)

I'm probably from between generations, and it's confusing as to what the etiquette is. The modern way is that genders should be equal, which is quite right, but I guess to many this sentiment extends beyond equal opportunities etc. I personally still hanker after the old way and will certainly take it as a huge compliment if a man refuses to let me pay. But other women will regard this as disrespectful. I guess it is disrespectful if the woman who wants to pay her way is ignored in her wishes. But I personally want a man to ignore my offer to pay because I'm only offering to be polite. How does a man know if the woman will take offence if he insists on paying or if she will lap it up? I think we live in very confusing times.

Mrs

one thing i will add is this what about respecting the mans wishes on the subject . we hear a lot about respecting a womans wishes to go halve but very little about respecting the mans wishes .

its obvious why

women don't want to feel like they owe the man something for the meal and the drinks but here's the thing ladies a true gentlemen's mind wouldn't think like that .

i like to pay for no other reason that it makes me feel masculine it has nothing to do with sex but how i was raised

I'm not saying i don't or would not let a fwb treat me every now and again but on the whole I'm more comfortable if i pay and it has nothing to do with sex or the getting of sex .

there are woman on here who can back me up on that because ive brought them a meal on a social and then turned down a offer of sex at the end of the social ."
.

I get that, I like when a man pays as I feel like I'm being taken care of and looked after.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I cannot see why it is more "respectful" for anyone to pick up the tab in its entirety. Surely the most respectful approach would be to come to some consensus on what you do, how much it is likely to be, and who will be best positioned to pay.

That way everyone's opinion is considered as well as the size of each other's pockets.

There's nothing respectful about not hearing another's thoughts and considering them.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I cannot see why it is more "respectful" for anyone to pick up the tab in its entirety. Surely the most respectful approach would be to come to some consensus on what you do, how much it is likely to be, and who will be best positioned to pay.

That way everyone's opinion is considered as well as the size of each other's pockets.

There's nothing respectful about not hearing another's thoughts and considering them.

V x "

I don't want to have a discussion with a man as to who should pay what. To me that spoils the moment. As I said I will offer because I am conscious we live in evolving times, but I will always hope that the man will refuse my offer. Some men have accept my offer to pay my way. I dont know if it's because they don't want to pay, or because they too are aware we live in evolving times and don't want to offend me by insisting on paying. But as I said before, if he does insist on paying, then I have a clear conscience that this is what he genuinely wants to do for me.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if paying for a glass of wine enhances someone's masculinity, it must be pretty fragile in the first place. If someone needs to control a simple social exchange so completely that they fail to listen or respect my wishes to maintain my independence, then nothing is going any further...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont mind a guy paying. I dont mind paying. I dont look at the reason why he wants to pay as assume he's being polite and generous just as much as I am when I offer to pay. I dont ever think any less of him for insisting he pays

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if paying for a glass of wine enhances someone's masculinity, it must be pretty fragile in the first place. If someone needs to control a simple social exchange so completely that they fail to listen or respect my wishes to maintain my independence, then nothing is going any further..."

Yeah but how does that man know if the woman really means it when she offers to pay? I offer to pay my share just in case that man doesn't want to pay for me. But I hope he wants to treat me, and if he does I hope he rejects my offer to go half. But in the times we're living in, rejecting a woman's offer to go half can be construed as disrespectful. I don't know if men like to pay to enhance their masculinity or if they want to demonstrate to a lady that he considers her worth it. But in this world of gender equality, it certainly psychological enhances my feminity. In fact I find refreshing to be 'looked after' as I've always been independent. And there are certainly a hell of a lot of men strutting around thinking they are so macho but won't put their hands in their pocket at all, so I'm not sure that this practice has anything to do with masculinity.

Mrs

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"I Either meet for coffee or they come to my place but I can't remember when a guy offered to pay for all the drinks. Maybe it's never happened. "

i cant believe posts like this what the fuck is going on with the modem man is he to tight to dip into his pocket and pay for a few drinks .

i do know what's going on because I've been privy to many of my fellow men's thought processes but the bro code stops me from spilling the beans .

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Must be a generational thing Classy. It wouldn't occur to me NOT to pay. You're paying a compliment. Saying, in a way, 'I like you, I respect you, I'm flattered that you're with me and I want to show it in some small way '.

Equally, one has to be sensitive to the immediate feedback. One can't impose one's mores on someone you've only just me and don't know.

I often feel that anything else is rather bleak.

(Mr)

I'm probably from between generations, and it's confusing as to what the etiquette is. The modern way is that genders should be equal, which is quite right, but I guess to many this sentiment extends beyond equal opportunities etc. I personally still hanker after the old way and will certainly take it as a huge compliment if a man refuses to let me pay. But other women will regard this as disrespectful. I guess it is disrespectful if the woman who wants to pay her way is ignored in her wishes. But I personally want a man to ignore my offer to pay because I'm only offering to be polite. How does a man know if the woman will take offence if he insists on paying or if she will lap it up? I think we live in very confusing times.

Mrs

one thing i will add is this what about respecting the mans wishes on the subject . we hear a lot about respecting a womans wishes to go halve but very little about respecting the mans wishes .

its obvious why

women don't want to feel like they owe the man something for the meal and the drinks but here's the thing ladies a true gentlemen's mind wouldn't think like that .

i like to pay for no other reason that it makes me feel masculine it has nothing to do with sex but how i was raised

I'm not saying i don't or would not let a fwb treat me every now and again but on the whole I'm more comfortable if i pay and it has nothing to do with sex or the getting of sex .

there are woman on here who can back me up on that because ive brought them a meal on a social and then turned down a offer of sex at the end of the social .

Why are you more comfortable that you pay?

v x "

its purely due to how i was raised to behave as a man and if anyone for one minute thinks there's any form of male misogyny at heart in anything i no .

think again my code of conduct is purely a product of being raise by a single parent my mother .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I Either meet for coffee or they come to my place but I can't remember when a guy offered to pay for all the drinks. Maybe it's never happened.

i cant believe posts like this what the fuck is going on with the modem man is he to tight to dip into his pocket and pay for a few drinks .

i do know what's going on because I've been privy to many of my fellow men's thought processes but the bro code stops me from spilling the beans ."

Is it that the modern man is tight? Or is it that the modern woman wants equality when it comes to dating? Are men not paying for women because some women don't want that and men are afraid of causing offence or accused of being sexist. As I said, very confusing times we live in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always offer To pay and dont like to accept the women when they offer to pay for their half. Its just being a gentlemen I believe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a couple we have paid for drinks or the guy has offered. We have also been taken out for dinner and drinks. Usually what I find will happen is we will get the first round in and the guy will get the next.

With couples we will do rounds usually..

S x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a couple we have paid for drinks or the guy has offered. We have also been taken out for dinner and drinks. Usually what I find will happen is we will get the first round in and the guy will get the next.

With couples we will do rounds usually..

S x"

Our experience as a couple with a single man is that the single buys the first round (unless we arrive early), then my husband buys the second round. If it continues for more rounds it will be the men taking it in turns, but I will not go to the bar.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if paying for a glass of wine enhances someone's masculinity, it must be pretty fragile in the first place. If someone needs to control a simple social exchange so completely that they fail to listen or respect my wishes to maintain my independence, then nothing is going any further...

Yeah but how does that man know if the woman really means it when she offers to pay? I offer to pay my share just in case that man doesn't want to pay for me. But I hope he wants to treat me, and if he does I hope he rejects my offer to go half. But in the times we're living in, rejecting a woman's offer to go half can be construed as disrespectful. I don't know if men like to pay to enhance their masculinity or if they want to demonstrate to a lady that he considers her worth it. But in this world of gender equality, it certainly psychological enhances my feminity. In fact I find refreshing to be 'looked after' as I've always been independent. And there are certainly a hell of a lot of men strutting around thinking they are so macho but won't put their hands in their pocket at all, so I'm not sure that this practice has anything to do with masculinity.

Mrs"

if I offer to pay, I really mean it. I'm not a silly teenager playing games. no wonder people get confused when others aren't straightforward or adult enough to say what they mean...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would feel uncomfortable with a guy paying for everything, nothing to do with control or equality...is just something that has never happened as I have never dated and have never been "looked after" by a man, fab socials are as close as I have been to that, so is just weird for me...plus have found alot of guys (not necessarily fabbers) think it means they are owed something in return

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if paying for a glass of wine enhances someone's masculinity, it must be pretty fragile in the first place. If someone needs to control a simple social exchange so completely that they fail to listen or respect my wishes to maintain my independence, then nothing is going any further...

Yeah but how does that man know if the woman really means it when she offers to pay? I offer to pay my share just in case that man doesn't want to pay for me. But I hope he wants to treat me, and if he does I hope he rejects my offer to go half. But in the times we're living in, rejecting a woman's offer to go half can be construed as disrespectful. I don't know if men like to pay to enhance their masculinity or if they want to demonstrate to a lady that he considers her worth it. But in this world of gender equality, it certainly psychological enhances my feminity. In fact I find refreshing to be 'looked after' as I've always been independent. And there are certainly a hell of a lot of men strutting around thinking they are so macho but won't put their hands in their pocket at all, so I'm not sure that this practice has anything to do with masculinity.

Mrs

if I offer to pay, I really mean it. I'm not a silly teenager playing games. no wonder people get confused when others aren't straightforward or adult enough to say what they mean..."

I'm only offering to pay because the man might not want to pay for me. I'm not going to force a man to do some thing he doesn't want to do. It's certainly not teenage games. But I hope he does want to pay for me, and therefore is not afraid to reject my offer.

Mrs

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

I am told 'girls' love to be treated that way but Women don't see it the same way...lol

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I don't know why all the stress on this payment thing , a lady might want to go halves but am not into this sharing bill thing it looks childish to me , its all or nothing with me, I would pay, give the waiter a tip , stand up and leave with the lady, it shows you are alive not just living.Infact if it is a spot I frequent we go to and she tries to pay the staff will not accept the money from her.

If the lady wants to take me out fine if she is able to. And my paying for a meal does not mean anything or that I want anything from any lady, infact if a lady does not see she is lucky to have me then thats on her.This is my way of thinking, in any case I only start spending when I see a lady deserves my time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why all the stress on this payment thing , a lady might want to go halves but am not into this sharing bill thing it looks childish to me , its all or nothing with me, I would pay, give the waiter a tip , stand up and leave with the lady, it shows you are alive not just living.Infact if it is a spot I frequent we go to and she tries to pay the staff will not accept the money from her.

If the lady wants to take me out fine if she is able to. And my paying for a meal does not mean anything or that I want anything from any lady, infact if a lady does not see she is lucky to have me then thats on her.This is my way of thinking, in any case I only start spending when I see a lady deserves my time."

For me it's a case of if the man wants to pay for me then I will take the view that he thinks I'm worth it, so I wouldn't dream of denying him that. It's a beautiful thing for a man to want to treat a lady. But if the man does not want to pay for me, for whatever reason, then naturally I will pay my way because I certainly do not want to take something that the man didn't want to give.

Mrs

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

July 2016

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

this post is full of treat me as a equal by those trying to justify guys being to tight to by a woman a few drinks or a meal.

but here's the thing would a guy make his mother his sister his daughter pay for a drink or a meal he invited them to .

the answer is no now ladies think why that maybe .

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"this post is full of treat me as a equal by those trying to justify guys being to tight to by a woman a few drinks or a meal.

but here's the thing would a guy make his mother his sister his daughter pay for a drink or a meal he invited them to .

the answer is no now ladies think why that maybe . "

What utter bollox. I do not have to justify how I'm treated by anyone: I'm big enough and smart enough to make my judgements and it has absolutely nothing to do with who is paying for what.

Vx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"this post is full of treat me as a equal by those trying to justify guys being to tight to by a woman a few drinks or a meal.

but here's the thing would a guy make his mother his sister his daughter pay for a drink or a meal he invited them to .

the answer is no now ladies think why that maybe . "

I think dating etiquette aside, you are right there are some incredibly tight men out there. They don't want to pay to get into a swing club, they don't want to pay for a round of drinks, they don't want to pay even their share of a hotel. I think a lot of guys have moved away from the dating sites because they feel they are more likely to get sex without putting their hand in their pocket, which is not true. Some guys I've often felt would be better off on an escort site - but guess what they don't want to pay for that either!

Mrs

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"this post is full of treat me as a equal by those trying to justify guys being to tight to by a woman a few drinks or a meal.

but here's the thing would a guy make his mother his sister his daughter pay for a drink or a meal he invited them to .

the answer is no now ladies think why that maybe .

I think dating etiquette aside, you are right there are some incredibly tight men out there. They don't want to pay to get into a swing club, they don't want to pay for a round of drinks, they don't want to pay even their share of a hotel. I think a lot of guys have moved away from the dating sites because they feel they are more likely to get sex without putting their hand in their pocket, which is not true. Some guys I've often felt would be better off on an escort site - but guess what they don't want to pay for that either!

Mrs"

to true but hay if the women allow the men to get away with it who is really to blame

can't say anymore due to the bro code .

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"this post is full of treat me as a equal by those trying to justify guys being to tight to by a woman a few drinks or a meal.

but here's the thing would a guy make his mother his sister his daughter pay for a drink or a meal he invited them to .

the answer is no now ladies think why that maybe .

What utter bollox. I do not have to justify how I'm treated by anyone: I'm big enough and smart enough to make my judgements and it has absolutely nothing to do with who is paying for what.

Vx"

keep telling yourself that pity we cant swap bodies for a day so you can listen in on the male only conversations that I'm sure would shock you to your very core .

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"this post is full of treat me as a equal by those trying to justify guys being to tight to by a woman a few drinks or a meal.

but here's the thing would a guy make his mother his sister his daughter pay for a drink or a meal he invited them to .

the answer is no now ladies think why that maybe .

What utter bollox. I do not have to justify how I'm treated by anyone: I'm big enough and smart enough to make my judgements and it has absolutely nothing to do with who is paying for what.

Vx

keep telling yourself that pity we cant swap bodies for a day so you can listen in on the male only conversations that I'm sure would shock you to your very core . "

Oh I doubt that very much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"this post is full of treat me as a equal by those trying to justify guys being to tight to by a woman a few drinks or a meal.

but here's the thing would a guy make his mother his sister his daughter pay for a drink or a meal he invited them to .

the answer is no now ladies think why that maybe .

What utter bollox. I do not have to justify how I'm treated by anyone: I'm big enough and smart enough to make my judgements and it has absolutely nothing to do with who is paying for what.

Vx

keep telling yourself that pity we cant swap bodies for a day so you can listen in on the male only conversations that I'm sure would shock you to your very core . "

John, just out of curiosity, do the guys who are more up for paying for ladies talk about them more respectfully than the guys who go Dutch or don't even put their hand in their pocket at all? Or is there no difference?

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"this post is full of treat me as a equal by those trying to justify guys being to tight to by a woman a few drinks or a meal.

but here's the thing would a guy make his mother his sister his daughter pay for a drink or a meal he invited them to .

the answer is no now ladies think why that maybe .

What utter bollox. I do not have to justify how I'm treated by anyone: I'm big enough and smart enough to make my judgements and it has absolutely nothing to do with who is paying for what.

Vx

keep telling yourself that pity we cant swap bodies for a day so you can listen in on the male only conversations that I'm sure would shock you to your very core .

John, just out of curiosity, do the guys who are more up for paying for ladies talk about them more respectfully than the guys who go Dutch or don't even put their hand in their pocket at all? Or is there no difference?"

theirs a difference as big as the difference between a ant and a elephant but remember we are talking about a lot of guys here but not all guys .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See we are all different and think different so there no right answer here.

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire

Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family"

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes . "

Id much prefer drinks in a glass and food on a plate. Gets messy otherwise .

Would you not want to respect your guests thoughts and opinions too though? surely as your guest you wouldnt want them to feel uncomfortable during the meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not based on chivalry, it's based on the simple fact that historically women did not have the same economic opportunities as men. It's also based on reciprocity, one of our earliest human characteristics and a cornerstone of social behaviour.

I've given you something what are you going to give me.

I agree with the Op that most young men have been brought up having been taught that this is the right way to behave, but today many young women are taught to respect their own independence and not be potentially beholden to a man.

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Id much prefer drinks in a glass and food on a plate. Gets messy otherwise .

Would you not want to respect your guests thoughts and opinions too though? surely as your guest you wouldnt want them to feel uncomfortable during the meet."

if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes . "

Would you want to order for me too?

Save me any potential embarrassment as us fairer sex find it very difficult to make decisions (and very possibly haven't even been taught to read).

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Would you want to order for me too?

Save me any potential embarrassment as us fairer sex find it very difficult to make decisions (and very possibly haven't even been taught to read).

V x"

Brilliant.

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire


"if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

"

I feel uncomfortable with family paying let alone anyone else. I agree it has nothing to do with sex a social is exactly that social. No expectations no pressure. but that doesnt alter the fact of how i would feel. If its in someones house thats fair enough as they have invited you into their home you wouldnt start routing through cupboards. If i knew this was thr mindset of a man before going out with them socially, i would be ordering a glass of tap water nothing more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Must be a generational thing Classy. It wouldn't occur to me NOT to pay. You're paying a compliment. Saying, in a way, 'I like you, I respect you, I'm flattered that you're with me and I want to show it in some small way '.

Equally, one has to be sensitive to the immediate feedback. One can't impose one's mores on someone you've only just me and don't know.

I often feel that anything else is rather bleak.

(Mr)

I'm probably from between generations, and it's confusing as to what the etiquette is. The modern way is that genders should be equal, which is quite right, but I guess to many this sentiment extends beyond equal opportunities etc. I personally still hanker after the old way and will certainly take it as a huge compliment if a man refuses to let me pay. But other women will regard this as disrespectful. I guess it is disrespectful if the woman who wants to pay her way is ignored in her wishes. But I personally want a man to ignore my offer to pay because I'm only offering to be polite. How does a man know if the woman will take offence if he insists on paying or if she will lap it up? I think we live in very confusing times.

Mrs

one thing i will add is this what about respecting the mans wishes on the subject . we hear a lot about respecting a womans wishes to go halve but very little about respecting the mans wishes .

its obvious why

women don't want to feel like they owe the man something for the meal and the drinks but here's the thing ladies a true gentlemen's mind wouldn't think like that .

i like to pay for no other reason that it makes me feel masculine it has nothing to do with sex but how i was raised

I'm not saying i don't or would not let a fwb treat me every now and again but on the whole I'm more comfortable if i pay and it has nothing to do with sex or the getting of sex .

there are woman on here who can back me up on that because ive brought them a meal on a social and then turned down a offer of sex at the end of the social ."

Jackanory

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Would you want to order for me too?

Save me any potential embarrassment as us fairer sex find it very difficult to make decisions (and very possibly haven't even been taught to read).

V x"

order what you want as my guest your free to order to your own tastes not mine .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Id much prefer drinks in a glass and food on a plate. Gets messy otherwise .

Would you not want to respect your guests thoughts and opinions too though? surely as your guest you wouldnt want them to feel uncomfortable during the meet.

if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

"

Your method doesn't seem to be working very well on here

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

I feel uncomfortable with family paying let alone anyone else. I agree it has nothing to do with sex a social is exactly that social. No expectations no pressure. but that doesnt alter the fact of how i would feel. If its in someones house thats fair enough as they have invited you into their home you wouldnt start routing through cupboards. If i knew this was thr mindset of a man before going out with them socially, i would be ordering a glass of tap water nothing more"

cheap night them .

but joking aside its the same for me i only drink soda water and lime or water on any meet .

I've never been d*unk on a night out with a girl ether because like i said i was raised to not behave in that way,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

I feel uncomfortable with family paying let alone anyone else. I agree it has nothing to do with sex a social is exactly that social. No expectations no pressure. but that doesnt alter the fact of how i would feel. If its in someones house thats fair enough as they have invited you into their home you wouldnt start routing through cupboards. If i knew this was thr mindset of a man before going out with them socially, i would be ordering a glass of tap water nothing more

cheap night them .

but joking aside its the same for me i only drink soda water and lime or water on any meet .

I've never been d*unk on a night out with a girl ether because like i said i was raised to not behave in that way,

"

You do realise it's 2017?

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Would you want to order for me too?

Save me any potential embarrassment as us fairer sex find it very difficult to make decisions (and very possibly haven't even been taught to read).

V x

order what you want as my guest your free to order to your own tastes not mine ."

Thank goodness for that. A small concession to the ability of a woman to think for herself. I guess womankind will be thankful and the dinner dates will come flooding in.

V x

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Id much prefer drinks in a glass and food on a plate. Gets messy otherwise .

Would you not want to respect your guests thoughts and opinions too though? surely as your guest you wouldnt want them to feel uncomfortable during the meet.

if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

Your method doesn't seem to be working very well on here "

why would that be a factor here your assuming I'm fishing for meets when I'm not as i have removed myself from meeting due to my way of being working for me in finding me my ideal play partner.

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire


"if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

I feel uncomfortable with family paying let alone anyone else. I agree it has nothing to do with sex a social is exactly that social. No expectations no pressure. but that doesnt alter the fact of how i would feel. If its in someones house thats fair enough as they have invited you into their home you wouldnt start routing through cupboards. If i knew this was thr mindset of a man before going out with them socially, i would be ordering a glass of tap water nothing more

cheap night them .

but joking aside its the same for me i only drink soda water and lime or water on any meet .

I've never been d*unk on a night out with a girl ether because like i said i was raised to not behave in that way,

"

I dont drink either (99.9%) of the time but thats not the point. I was raised to pay my way, take nothing without paying your share whether thats drinks in return, meals anything really. To pay nothing at all would make me feel awkward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Id much prefer drinks in a glass and food on a plate. Gets messy otherwise .

Would you not want to respect your guests thoughts and opinions too though? surely as your guest you wouldnt want them to feel uncomfortable during the meet.

if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

Your method doesn't seem to be working very well on here

why would that be a factor here your assuming I'm fishing for meets when I'm not as i have removed myself from meeting due to my way of being working for me in finding me my ideal play partner.

"

Of course you have.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"See we are all different and think different so there no right answer here. "

I can clearly understand why some may view it one way but I was raised to believe that a gentleman can respect the wishes of a woman and not pressurise her to go along with something she's not comfortable with - not because of my 'feminist views'. That, to me, is good etiquette

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

I feel uncomfortable with family paying let alone anyone else. I agree it has nothing to do with sex a social is exactly that social. No expectations no pressure. but that doesnt alter the fact of how i would feel. If its in someones house thats fair enough as they have invited you into their home you wouldnt start routing through cupboards. If i knew this was thr mindset of a man before going out with them socially, i would be ordering a glass of tap water nothing more

cheap night them .

but joking aside its the same for me i only drink soda water and lime or water on any meet .

I've never been d*unk on a night out with a girl ether because like i said i was raised to not behave in that way,

I dont drink either (99.9%) of the time but thats not the point. I was raised to pay my way, take nothing without paying your share whether thats drinks in return, meals anything really. To pay nothing at all would make me feel awkward."

yes i know that feeling and i was raised to always pay for the lady unless your in a on going relationship in which case your a partnership which is slightly difference in the fact there is no i only us .

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire


"if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

I feel uncomfortable with family paying let alone anyone else. I agree it has nothing to do with sex a social is exactly that social. No expectations no pressure. but that doesnt alter the fact of how i would feel. If its in someones house thats fair enough as they have invited you into their home you wouldnt start routing through cupboards. If i knew this was thr mindset of a man before going out with them socially, i would be ordering a glass of tap water nothing more

cheap night them .

but joking aside its the same for me i only drink soda water and lime or water on any meet .

I've never been d*unk on a night out with a girl ether because like i said i was raised to not behave in that way,

I dont drink either (99.9%) of the time but thats not the point. I was raised to pay my way, take nothing without paying your share whether thats drinks in return, meals anything really. To pay nothing at all would make me feel awkward.

yes i know that feeling and i was raised to always pay for the lady unless your in a on going relationship in which case your a partnership which is slightly difference in the fact there is no i only us ."

I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on thus subject

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably January for me, I had arranged a meet with a man who was staying in a hotel close by, This cost was covered by his company as he needed to be in the area the following morning.

I was running late due to an accident so I contacted and said I would be about 10-15 mins late but would be as quick as I could. The gentleman then asked what he could get me to drink as he was ready to get his next drink, I said it's fine I'll get it when I get there, he responded please allow me to get you a drink I agreed and said I was getting the next round in to which he agreed. I never got to pay for a drink or my food as he had opened a tab, as he was stopping out because of work he had an allowance which covered the whole night. I did offer him some money before I was due to leave. He looked at me with a silly smile on his face and said what kind of man do you think I am lol

I have also been out with fb and he won't let me pay a penny for anything we actually had a little fight about it. But we had great make up sex lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"See we are all different and think different so there no right answer here.

I can clearly understand why some may view it one way but I was raised to believe that a gentleman can respect the wishes of a woman and not pressurise her to go along with something she's not comfortable with - not because of my 'feminist views'. That, to me, is good etiquette "

That is a better definition of gentlemanly behaviour. The need to force ones view and approach on another describes something completely different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's an interesting social question. I was raised to be a modern independent woman. I lived on my own for years, had my own mortgage etc. But at the same I was also raised to show men that I feel I am 'worth it', and as a result will be treated that way. As I explained earlier in this thread, if a man genuinely wants to pay for me, I regard it that he thinks am worth it. I see his offer as a kind act that I should graciously accept. I do not regard it as having any bearing on my independence or my rights as a woman. I do understand that in this day and age it is unnecessary for men to pay for women, but it's an etiquette that some people like to keep. There are many unnecessary etiquettes from yesteryear. I respect that many women will feel hugely uncomfortable about men paying for women, and obviously a gentleman would not want to put a woman to any discomfort. But I don't think it's correct that men who are more insistent on paying for women are disrespectful or mysogenous. In fact in my experience these men are actually nicer more respectful men, and I start with my husband on that observation. So for the ladies who don't feel comfortable with this practice, by all means stick to your principles. But in my opinion most of these men only mean it as a compliment, so don't take offence. And it's certainly lovely to have a compliment of that nature in a lifestyle that has a tendency to be a bit sordid.

Mrs

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"

yes i know that feeling and i was raised to always pay for the lady unless your in a on going relationship in which case your a partnership which is slightly difference in the fact there is no i only us ."

Of course there's an i in "ongoing relationship". In fact there's two (or more if poly) And it's the individuals that should continue to respect and cherish each other by listening to each other and understanding each other's opinion and occasionally treating each other because treats are nice.

So actually what you're saying is you'd insist on paying until you were somehow "attached" then it's all "what's hers is mine".

V x

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton


"It's an interesting social question. I was raised to be a modern independent woman. I lived on my own for years, had my own mortgage etc. But at the same I was also raised to show men that I feel I am 'worth it', and as a result will be treated that way. As I explained earlier in this thread, if a man genuinely wants to pay for me, I regard it that he thinks am worth it. I see his offer as a kind act that I should graciously accept. I do not regard it as having any bearing on my independence or my rights as a woman. I do understand that in this day and age it is unnecessary for men to pay for women, but it's an etiquette that some people like to keep. There are many unnecessary etiquettes from yesteryear. I respect that many women will feel hugely uncomfortable about men paying for women, and obviously a gentleman would not want to put a woman to any discomfort. But I don't think it's correct that men who are more insistent on paying for women are disrespectful or mysogenous. In fact in my experience these men are actually nicer more respectful men, and I start with my husband on that observation. So for the ladies who don't feel comfortable with this practice, by all means stick to your principles. But in my opinion most of these men only mean it as a compliment, so don't take offence. And it's certainly lovely to have a compliment of that nature in a lifestyle that has a tendency to be a bit sordid.

Mrs"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you ever find yourself in my company i can honestly say you will not feel uncomfortable with me paying nor will you feel that you owe me anything because i paid .

its not about sex or pressure its about your my guess for the evening you don't expect your guest to cook there own meal do you nor do you expect them to make there own drinks .

if you ask a woman out for a drink it may not be a date in the normal sense but she is your guest because she is there at your invitation so you pay if a woman asked me to her house for a meal i wouldn't expect to cook my own food or make my own drinks as I'm her guest for the evening .

if a woman asked me out to a social i would say no then straight away aske her out on one so i could pay .

I feel uncomfortable with family paying let alone anyone else. I agree it has nothing to do with sex a social is exactly that social. No expectations no pressure. but that doesnt alter the fact of how i would feel. If its in someones house thats fair enough as they have invited you into their home you wouldnt start routing through cupboards. If i knew this was thr mindset of a man before going out with them socially, i would be ordering a glass of tap water nothing more

cheap night them .

but joking aside its the same for me i only drink soda water and lime or water on any meet .

I've never been d*unk on a night out with a girl ether because like i said i was raised to not behave in that way,

I dont drink either (99.9%) of the time but thats not the point. I was raised to pay my way, take nothing without paying your share whether thats drinks in return, meals anything really. To pay nothing at all would make me feel awkward.

yes i know that feeling and i was raised to always pay for the lady unless your in a on going relationship in which case your a partnership which is slightly difference in the fact there is no i only us ."

If you were single i'd admire your resolve but as you're not, what does your wife think of you taking ladies out to dinner?

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire


"

If you were single i'd admire your resolve but as you're not, what does your wife think of you taking ladies out to dinner?"

I dont think that had anything to do with the question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

"

About a decade ago maybe. I wouldn't meet someone who insisted on paying everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A couple of months ago I had a quick social in a pub, and he insisted he bought the first drink. We only had one and he doesn't drink alcohol.

Usually, they don't mind me buying the next drink, but they like to buy the first.

I hate having public words with people about paying bills, so prefer to not eat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If you were single i'd admire your resolve but as you're not, what does your wife think of you taking ladies out to dinner?

I dont think that had anything to do with the question "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If you were single i'd admire your resolve but as you're not, what does your wife think of you taking ladies out to dinner?

I dont think that had anything to do with the question "

Threads never go off on a tangent do they!

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By *leur de lisWoman
over a year ago

Buxton


"ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

"

Many insist but it never happens some guys get pushy over it but I don't want to be beholden to someone and I explain being pushy isn't a good trait either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If you were single i'd admire your resolve but as you're not, what does your wife think of you taking ladies out to dinner?

I dont think that had anything to do with the question

Threads never go off on a tangent do they! "

It's not a tangent, you're being personal. Why you feel the need I don't know.

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"

If you were single i'd admire your resolve but as you're not, what does your wife think of you taking ladies out to dinner?

I dont think that had anything to do with the question

Threads never go off on a tangent do they!

It's not a tangent, you're being personal. Why you feel the need I don't know. "

don't worry about it as I'm not and don't let it derail the thread ether .

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

.

I will offer to pay for the drinks or a meal but if she insisted on paying half, just for the drinks or even all of it I wouldn't make a issue of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd feel more valued if someone paid me his or her attention, not for drinks or a meal...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If you were single i'd admire your resolve but as you're not, what does your wife think of you taking ladies out to dinner?

I dont think that had anything to do with the question

Threads never go off on a tangent do they!

It's not a tangent, you're being personal. Why you feel the need I don't know.

don't worry about it as I'm not and don't let it derail the thread ether .

"

It doesn't necessarily derail the thread if the reason for some men being regarded as tight (as has been said on the thread) is because they have a partner at home. I think that you're an anomaly John.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

This is my line of thought, I am not a fan of Chivalry and I will never spend a dime to impress any lady, with regards to treating a lady as equal, let us stop avoiding the truth, there is no equal in any relationship, it is either the lady will be better off than the guy or the guy will be better off than the lady.

However, I am a giver and not a taker, because I believe in the life principle that "the hand of the giver will always remain on top", givers never lack and givers never beg.

Therefore if a lady acts as if she is doing me a favor because she is giving me pussy or my actions is because of pussy , I would tell her, keep your pussy I don't want or need it.

But if I enjoy the company of a lady who is my friend and a swinger who has proven herself worthy of my time and she says she wants to fuck, I will pay for her to have a nice meal and drinks , pay for her hotel and introduce her to two of my handsome friends with big cocks and stamina so she can fuck and enjoy herself for a night and let her hair down. It does not have to be me , I will do the same for male friends too who are worthy of my time also.

After this , you don't have to ask for pussy, the ladies will be more than happy to give you and be in your company cause they know, this is a real guy who has proved that he is committed to the well being of the whole woman not just one part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I will pay for her to have a nice meal and drinks , pay for her hotel and introduce her to two of my handsome friends with big cocks and stamina so she can fuck and enjoy herself for a night and let her hair down. It does not have to be me , I will do the same for male friends too who are worthy of my time also.

After this , you don't have to ask for pussy, the ladies will be more than happy to give you and be in your company cause they know, this is a real guy who has proved that he is committed to the well being of the whole woman not just one part.

"

So if paying for drinks, dinner, and hotel for women who you're not having sex with is 'committed to the well being of the whole woman'...

... why do you pay for drinks, dinner, and hotels for men?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man wanting to pay is the norm. It's how he handles her desire to pay her own way that determines the measure of the man.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"A man wanting to pay is the norm. It's how he handles her desire to pay her own way that determines the measure of the man.

"

Like this

V xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All of this can be cleared up with clear communication and knocking the games on the head. Some of the women I spend time with earn more than me and don't want or need me to be paying for them. Others are only too happy. How do I know? By talking and listening to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All of this can be cleared up with clear communication and knocking the games on the head. Some of the women I spend time with earn more than me and don't want or need me to be paying for them. Others are only too happy. How do I know? By talking and listening to them "

You talk to women..... and listen to them??!

This will never catch on.

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By *andemanMan
over a year ago

bedforshire


"ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

"

Standard mate. I am a gentleman.

Last time i paid for the car the hotel the food and the drinks. Then again my wee sassy lassy is worth it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All of this can be cleared up with clear communication and knocking the games on the head. Some of the women I spend time with earn more than me and don't want or need me to be paying for them. Others are only too happy. How do I know? By talking and listening to them "

I feel that's an awkward conversation to have, and one I would rather not have. A male friend recently took me to a naturist club. Because he had already bought me coffee, I didn't want to put him out of pocket as these clubs aren't cheap. So as we walked in I offered to pay half. He said 'no'. I said 'thank you'. I was elated that he considered me worth it, especially as the sexual relationship was well established and therefore he didn't need to impress me. But I really don't know how this dilemma could have been established sooner, or if other women would consider him to be disrespectful for declining an offer to pay half. To me he's one of the nicest, most attentive, reliable, respectful men on the swing scene. And when I think so many men on Fab would be happy to fuck me and not go that extra mile. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not criticising women who feel uncomfortable in this situation - we are all different. But I cannot get my head round these men being considered disrespectful, especially when there are so many men on Fab that really are disrespectful! And I don't look forward to the day when a conversation about who pays becomes the done thing - I'd much rather a meet flows naturally.

Mrs

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"I will pay for her to have a nice meal and drinks , pay for her hotel and introduce her to two of my handsome friends with big cocks and stamina so she can fuck and enjoy herself for a night and let her hair down. It does not have to be me , I will do the same for male friends too who are worthy of my time also.

After this , you don't have to ask for pussy, the ladies will be more than happy to give you and be in your company cause they know, this is a real guy who has proved that he is committed to the well being of the whole woman not just one part.

So if paying for drinks, dinner, and hotel for women who you're not having sex with is 'committed to the well being of the whole woman'...

... why do you pay for drinks, dinner, and hotels for men?"

They are my friends, it is not a woman or man thing its about giving a friend a who is worthy of your time a treat. Do you not have friends who have done some things for you that you appreciate so much, that might not live in the same city with you but when they visit you , you tell them keep your money in your pocket , I will give you a full treat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Would you want to order for me too?

Save me any potential embarrassment as us fairer sex find it very difficult to make decisions (and very possibly haven't even been taught to read).

V x"

I think you're grossly overreacting. If you reacted like this on a date, your lack of manners would trump any moral/political convictions you have.

To me it would be the height of rudeness to have a gesture meant in kindness and genuinely out of respect to be thrown back in my face.

Conversely, a firm but polite insistence paying your own way should always be respected.

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By *andemanMan
over a year ago

bedforshire

I have never thought good manors have anything to do with Sexism. Chivelry / respectful behaviour is just that. It does not deminish my proffessional respect for female coleauges or other woman as capable equal people.

Also for the Record I never assume Sex or feel I have "baught" anything by buying a woman dinner. I do this all the time for friends and people I like, why should a fab date be enything different?

Its far more awkward when it is me who decides after dinner that I am not interested and the woman is asking for a fuck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"ok single girls only when was the last time a guy you arranged a social meet or the other kind meet with off of here .where the guy insisted on paying the drinks tab or even dare i say for a bite to eat for the pair of you...?

"

On Monday!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Would you want to order for me too?

Save me any potential embarrassment as us fairer sex find it very difficult to make decisions (and very possibly haven't even been taught to read).

V x

I think you're grossly overreacting. If you reacted like this on a date, your lack of manners would trump any moral/political convictions you have.

To me it would be the height of rudeness to have a gesture meant in kindness and genuinely out of respect to be thrown back in my face.

Conversely, a firm but polite insistence paying your own way should always be respected. "

She said it in humour, a bit of sarcasm in order to highlight the wider point.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Well the truth is the number of women that take guys out is very low. Plus some women find it very hard to part with their money , even amongst their female friends, it is always lets share this bill or that bill and it has started affecting the way guys behave.

Guys sharing bills is the wrong way to behave, if it is not a club or association party among your friends where all members contribute then don't share any bills with any lady, if you don't have, stay at home or take just yourself out .

Don't let any lady disrespect you buy paying for anything when you offered to take her out. Plus don't spend a dime to impress any lady, spend the minimum amount you can give out on a first date so if it doesn't work you didn't loose.If the ladies don't want to give you pussy because you didn't spend much let them keep their pussy,keep your money in your pocket.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I think you're grossly overreacting. If you reacted like this on a date, your lack of manners would trump any moral/political convictions you have.

To me it would be the height of rudeness to have a gesture meant in kindness and genuinely out of respect to be thrown back in my face.

Conversely, a firm but polite insistence paying your own way should always be respected. "

I think many men don't understand how it feels to have these kind of gestures of "kindness" made. An insistence on paying for me *feels like* you're trying to buy me at an early stage, and I will feel in your debt. As if I owe you something. Let's not mince words here on a sex site - I will feel obliged to give you sex.

Why do I feel like that? Because of the way society has cultured me to feel over the last thirty years or so. I've been brought up in a world that is still reeling from the sexism it has be loaded up with in the past.

Men historically paid for dinner not because of "chivalry" (which btw is actually a code for fighting 'nicely' during battle and when killing people) but because women were property who didn't earn or have money. Property of their father and then property of their husband.

So men who insist on always paying for dinner and not letting women go halves are harking back to a time when women didn't have money, jobs, independence. They are actively saying "you aren't capable of paying" with their actions. They are saying "men are the breadwinners and should pay". That's not respect - quite the opposite.

There are some women who enjoy that. Who are happy to take whatever they can have bought for them. Fair enough. I'll take freebies at the food festival too, you know? But those freebies often come with conditions - like giving over my email so that the company has something in return. Freebies are rarely actually free - something is always expected in return. Even if you say it isn't.

Like Stella - paying a high price for dates or club entry makes the whole experience "reassuringly expensive". And it gives people subconscious expectations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I think you're grossly overreacting. If you reacted like this on a date, your lack of manners would trump any moral/political convictions you have.

To me it would be the height of rudeness to have a gesture meant in kindness and genuinely out of respect to be thrown back in my face.

Conversely, a firm but polite insistence paying your own way should always be respected.

I think many men don't understand how it feels to have these kind of gestures of "kindness" made. An insistence on paying for me *feels like* you're trying to buy me at an early stage, and I will feel in your debt. As if I owe you something. Let's not mince words here on a sex site - I will feel obliged to give you sex.

Why do I feel like that? Because of the way society has cultured me to feel over the last thirty years or so. I've been brought up in a world that is still reeling from the sexism it has be loaded up with in the past.

Men historically paid for dinner not because of "chivalry" (which btw is actually a code for fighting 'nicely' during battle and when killing people) but because women were property who didn't earn or have money. Property of their father and then property of their husband.

So men who insist on always paying for dinner and not letting women go halves are harking back to a time when women didn't have money, jobs, independence. They are actively saying "you aren't capable of paying" with their actions. They are saying "men are the breadwinners and should pay". That's not respect - quite the opposite.

There are some women who enjoy that. Who are happy to take whatever they can have bought for them. Fair enough. I'll take freebies at the food festival too, you know? But those freebies often come with conditions - like giving over my email so that the company has something in return. Freebies are rarely actually free - something is always expected in return. Even if you say it isn't.

Like Stella - paying a high price for dates or club entry makes the whole experience "reassuringly expensive". And it gives people subconscious expectations."

I don't think it's very fair to say that women who enjoy it are taking what they can. I'm sure it might be the case with some women, but it is certainly not the case with me. In a world when men don't have to pay for women on the basis that most women are financially independent, I take it as a huge compliment that a man thinks I am worth doing something for that he doesn't have to do. Men who treat me like this I am already sleeping with or having decided that I am going to sheep with them, so them making a kind gesture to me makes no difference to the nature of the relationship. I know these men, and I do not believe they are doing anything more than a kind gesture.

Maybe there are some men who are subtly trying to say that I am not capable paying. It sounds a bit far-fetched to me, but maybe you've experienced something that I haven't which makes you more sensitive to this matter. I personally don't know any men like this. I was extremely independent until I was thirty when I had children, and I've never worried that anybody would think that I am not capable of independence - I've more than proved myself.

So, there will be various reasons why women remain with the tradition of men paying, ranging from taking what they can to wanting to be treated as special. I fall with the latter. But this has become even more important to me since joining Fab. I've become truly disgusted with the attitude of some men who think they are entitled to sex without making any effort, who treat women as though they are worth nothing more than to fuck. That is what I consider to be insulting towards women, and it is those men I consider disrespectful to women. Those are the men I consider to be sexist. So when a man who I'm already in sexual relationship with with offers to pay, the message I take away is that I'm worth far more to him than just sex.

Mrs

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"Personally i insist on paying for myself. And feel very uncomfortable if im not allowed to. Same in everyday life, even with family

and I feel very strongly that if I ask you out for a drink the drinks are on me a meal to as your my guest not the other way round because i asked you out for the social .

respect that as my guest for the evening drinks are on me the food to and I'm also responsible for your safety when your out with me as well .

this is how i was raised to behave when dealing with women who i may fancy . that behaviour does change with the dynamic of this being a site based around sex in my eyes .

Would you want to order for me too?

Save me any potential embarrassment as us fairer sex find it very difficult to make decisions (and very possibly haven't even been taught to read).

V x

I think you're grossly overreacting. If you reacted like this on a date, your lack of manners would trump any moral/political convictions you have.

To me it would be the height of rudeness to have a gesture meant in kindness and genuinely out of respect to be thrown back in my face.

Conversely, a firm but polite insistence paying your own way should always be respected. "

I think you are agreeing with me even if my humour was missed.

V x

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By *asters-slutWoman
over a year ago

nottingham

Every time I meet my dom, he insists on paying

I find this very odd, I'm not used to it.

I always offer to pay, as I like to treat him too.

I brought some drinks a long the last time and he still tried to give me the money back! I had to refuse to take his money in the end

I love being spoiled by him, but I'm really not used to it, and he knows I'm always very appreciative.

I also never expect him to pay either, which I think makes a difference.

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By *andemanMan
over a year ago

bedforshire

We always as men should be sensative to the feelings of woman in this situation. But as I have said if i do this for friends in the outside world why would i not do this for Fab Dates. Further assiming that I have "baught" a woman with a meal is just crass in the extream!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I take it as a huge compliment that a man thinks I am worth doing something for that he doesn't have to do."

So why is it such a huge mark of disrespect (and emasculation?) when a woman offers to pay for a man? Why do so many men have such a hard time accepting this kind of behaviour?

(Answer: Because society is shit and has double standards between the genders.)

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Ladies I understand what you are saying but as swingers, you ladies are mentally above normal women.

I love seeing ladies doing very well and am in support of that,

but please don't belittle your husband's because you are doing well, its an ugly sight.

It does not look nice going half on meal and drinks, its childish. If you will not like to fuck a guy don't even go for a meal with him, its pointless.

Ladies if you ask a swinger friend out, go to a simple place where you can afford and pay, most guys are not materialistic and will appreciate it. If a guy askes you out let him go where he can afford and pay for it.

You ladies are not children, if a guy wants to fuck you, you know and can make an informed choice yes or no as a swinger. Whatever your choice , guys will thank you and move on.

Don't act like vanilla girls who don't know what they are doing and need some sort of personal gain to make simple straight foward decisions.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"

I take it as a huge compliment that a man thinks I am worth doing something for that he doesn't have to do.

So why is it such a huge mark of disrespect (and emasculation?) when a woman offers to pay for a man? Why do so many men have such a hard time accepting this kind of behaviour?

(Answer: Because society is shit and has double standards between the genders.)"

No, it is because women are not natural with it and might even throw it back in the mans face should the friendship not work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have never paid for anything.

Was raised the gentlemen pays and if he doesn't he obviously thinks very little of you, so I wouldn't be interested in meeting a man who doesn't value me. Not as if it's a lot though just a drink mainly though guy I seen few years ago paid for nice meal and bought gifts... his choice I never asked or expected anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I normally earn more than the guys I shag (being early to mid 20s) so I'm normally the sugar momma type, I guess!

Still I expect someone who's coming to my place, to bring a bottle etc, out of courtesy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/05/17 12:17:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Still I expect someone who's coming to my place, to bring a bottle etc, out of courtesy."

See, I'd never do that. Why would I take a bottle of alcohol, that I won't drink and I don't know if they'll like, to someones house if I'm meeting them for sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I take it as a huge compliment that a man thinks I am worth doing something for that he doesn't have to do.

So why is it such a huge mark of disrespect (and emasculation?) when a woman offers to pay for a man? Why do so many men have such a hard time accepting this kind of behaviour?

(Answer: Because society is shit and has double standards between the genders.)

I don't think it is emasculating or disrespectful if a woman offers to treat a man. I've treated men before. But I think it is more the norm for it to be the other way round, because genders are not the same in the psychological make-up. Yes there should be sexual equality with regards to rights, and nobody is disputing that. But I am personally not partial to sexual equality with regards to behaviour and etiquette between genders. That to me feels unnatural. If I have sex with a man I am treating him as someone special, purely by the fact that i willing to have sex with him. If a man has sex with me he is highly unlikely to consider me special. That's why there is such an enormous gender ratio inequality on Fab - men typically have a different approach to sex than women. There will of course be variations and I'm certainly not saying that all men on Fab will have sex with someone they don't give a toss about. But there is a pattern. As a result it is very important to me that a man goes the extra mile to demonstrate I am worth it."

As this thread demonstrates - paying for dinner doesn't mean you're special. It just means that they feel they should in many cases.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"Have never paid for anything.

Was raised the gentlemen pays and if he doesn't he obviously thinks very little of you, so I wouldn't be interested in meeting a man who doesn't value me. Not as if it's a lot though just a drink mainly though guy I seen few years ago paid for nice meal and bought gifts... his choice I never asked or expected anything."

This is what am talking about, the way some ladies were brought up, not saying good or bad, right or wrong.I do not like seeing ladies just having kids and depending on someone else , if any guy cannot stand a successful lady then he can go. Also I will emphasize respect to a man who deserves respect.

That said, there is nothing wrong in buying things for a deserving hardworking guy as long as you can afford it.I like to see a high flying, successful, down to earth woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I take it as a huge compliment that a man thinks I am worth doing something for that he doesn't have to do.

So why is it such a huge mark of disrespect (and emasculation?) when a woman offers to pay for a man? Why do so many men have such a hard time accepting this kind of behaviour?

(Answer: Because society is shit and has double standards between the genders.)"

I don't think it is emasculating or disrespectful if a woman offers to treat a man. I've treated men before. But I think it is more the norm for it to be the other way round, because genders are not the same in the psychological make-up. Yes there should be sexual equality with regards to rights, and nobody is disputing that. But I am personally not partial to sexual equality with regards to behaviour and etiquette between genders. That to me feels unnatural. If I have sex with a man I am treating him as someone special, purely by the fact that i willing to have sex with him. If a man has sex with me he is highly unlikely to consider me special. That's why there is such an enormous gender ratio inequality on Fab - men typically have a different approach to sex than women. There will of course be variations and I'm certainly not saying that all men on Fab will have sex with someone they don't give a toss about. But there is a pattern. As a result it is very important to me that a man goes the extra mile to demonstrate I am worth it.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I don't think it is emasculating or disrespectful if a woman offers to treat a man. I've treated men before. But I think it is more the norm for it to be the other way round, because genders are not the same in the psychological make-up. Yes there should be sexual equality with regards to rights, and nobody is disputing that. But I am personally not partial to sexual equality with regards to behaviour and etiquette between genders. That to me feels unnatural. If I have sex with a man I am treating him as someone special, purely by the fact that i willing to have sex with him. If a man has sex with me he is highly unlikely to consider me special. That's why there is such an enormous gender ratio inequality on Fab - men typically have a different approach to sex than women. There will of course be variations and I'm certainly not saying that all men on Fab will have sex with someone they don't give a toss about. But there is a pattern. As a result it is very important to me that a man goes the extra mile to demonstrate I am worth it.

.....................

This is the vanilla mentality right here and it is a very wrong mentality, am I supposed to feel special because a lady has sex with me, something she is also enjoying ,infact if a lady steps to me with this pussy card , I will tell her to keep her pussy, are ladies now supposed to accept that all they have in life is pussy? No, I don't agree, this is the mentality of a lazy woman. I have always believed that if a lady cannot stand on her feet, it is not good. Ladies please don't accept failure and follow such a mentality, be a woman of substance and fuck who you want to fuck, where you want to fuck them and how you want to fuck them, you can be successful and be a sugar mum with pride.Nothing wrong with it.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

[Removed by poster at 11/05/17 12:42:39]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to pay my own way. If its not a date then i wont let someone pay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I don't think it is emasculating or disrespectful if a woman offers to treat a man. I've treated men before. But I think it is more the norm for it to be the other way round, because genders are not the same in the psychological make-up. Yes there should be sexual equality with regards to rights, and nobody is disputing that. But I am personally not partial to sexual equality with regards to behaviour and etiquette between genders. That to me feels unnatural. If I have sex with a man I am treating him as someone special, purely by the fact that i willing to have sex with him. If a man has sex with me he is highly unlikely to consider me special. That's why there is such an enormous gender ratio inequality on Fab - men typically have a different approach to sex than women. There will of course be variations and I'm certainly not saying that all men on Fab will have sex with someone they don't give a toss about. But there is a pattern. As a result it is very important to me that a man goes the extra mile to demonstrate I am worth it.

.....................

This is the vanilla mentality right here and it is a very wrong mentality, am I supposed to feel special because a lady has sex with me, something she is also enjoying ,infact if a lady steps to me with this pussy card , I will tell her to keep her pussy, are ladies now supposed to accept that all they have in life is pussy? No, I don't agree, this is the mentality of a lazy woman. I have always believed that if a lady cannot stand on her feet, it is not good. Ladies please don't accept failure and follow such a mentality, be a woman of substance and fuck who you want to fuck, where you want to fuck them and how you want to fuck them, you can be successful and be a sugar mum with pride.Nothing wrong with it."

Maybe I expressed it badly. I was trying to contrast the difference between a male approach to sex and the female approach (and I realise there are variations within that) especially on Fab. 'Special' is the wrong word. But I worry that men will fuck me even if they don't like me. But if that man goes the extra mile when he doesn't have to, then i think there is a greater chance that he likes me. A man will know that I like him if I am prepared to fuck him. But I'm not saying this about men like you. Judging by this thread you have high standards about who you sleep with. Sadly many men will fuck anybody, and I don't want to be that 'anybody'.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even as a couple we still argue over whos paying lol. Nx

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"

I don't think it is emasculating or disrespectful if a woman offers to treat a man. I've treated men before. But I think it is more the norm for it to be the other way round, because genders are not the same in the psychological make-up. Yes there should be sexual equality with regards to rights, and nobody is disputing that. But I am personally not partial to sexual equality with regards to behaviour and etiquette between genders. That to me feels unnatural. If I have sex with a man I am treating him as someone special, purely by the fact that i willing to have sex with him. If a man has sex with me he is highly unlikely to consider me special. That's why there is such an enormous gender ratio inequality on Fab - men typically have a different approach to sex than women. There will of course be variations and I'm certainly not saying that all men on Fab will have sex with someone they don't give a toss about. But there is a pattern. As a result it is very important to me that a man goes the extra mile to demonstrate I am worth it.

.....................

This is the vanilla mentality right here and it is a very wrong mentality, am I supposed to feel special because a lady has sex with me, something she is also enjoying ,infact if a lady steps to me with this pussy card , I will tell her to keep her pussy, are ladies now supposed to accept that all they have in life is pussy? No, I don't agree, this is the mentality of a lazy woman. I have always believed that if a lady cannot stand on her feet, it is not good. Ladies please don't accept failure and follow such a mentality, be a woman of substance and fuck who you want to fuck, where you want to fuck them and how you want to fuck them, you can be successful and be a sugar mum with pride.Nothing wrong with it.

Maybe I expressed it badly. I was trying to contrast the difference between a male approach to sex and the female approach (and I realise there are variations within that) especially on Fab. 'Special' is the wrong word. But I worry that men will fuck me even if they don't like me. But if that man goes the extra mile when he doesn't have to, then i think there is a greater chance that he likes me. A man will know that I like him if I am prepared to fuck him. But I'm not saying this about men like you. Judging by this thread you have high standards about who you sleep with. Sadly many men will fuck anybody, and I don't want to be that 'anybody'.

Mrs"

I will accept you expressed it wrongly classy because I have a lot of respect for you , your views and your debating skills.

I think a lot of women will fuck anybody too,especially in the clubs, women want big cock and that is it.Plus women fucking a guy does not mean they like him, maybe a girl they don't like fucked the guy , then the ladies will fuck the guy too to prove a point to her , it does not mean they like him.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"Plus women fucking a guy does not mean they like him, maybe a girl they don't like fucked the guy , then the ladies will fuck the guy too to prove a point to her , it does not mean they like him."

i've had that done to me. i know i'm a better fuck though so it was fine she did that, it made her look bad.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"Plus women fucking a guy does not mean they like him, maybe a girl they don't like fucked the guy , then the ladies will fuck the guy too to prove a point to her , it does not mean they like him.

i've had that done to me. i know i'm a better fuck though so it was fine she did that, it made her look bad. "

Yeah of course ladies always have their little beefs in the clubs, I was sitting in the club talking to a lady before when another lady equally beautiful walked up to where we were sitting brought out my cock and started sucking it, she then fucked me on the chair while the other lady was sitting by my side, she was beautiful so I did not stop her but she did not say a word to me, obviously she just wanted to upset the other girl. Swinging rules apply so the other girl just sat and watched.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"Plus women fucking a guy does not mean they like him, maybe a girl they don't like fucked the guy , then the ladies will fuck the guy too to prove a point to her , it does not mean they like him.

i've had that done to me. i know i'm a better fuck though so it was fine she did that, it made her look bad.

Yeah of course ladies always have their little beefs in the clubs, I was sitting in the club talking to a lady before when another lady equally beautiful walked up to where we were sitting brought out my cock and started sucking it, she then fucked me on the chair while the other lady was sitting by my side, she was beautiful so I did not stop her but she did not say a word to me, obviously she just wanted to upset the other girl. Swinging rules apply so the other girl just sat and watched."

seems a bit fucked up really, if the main reason to fuck someone is to piss someone else off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I think you're grossly overreacting. If you reacted like this on a date, your lack of manners would trump any moral/political convictions you have.

To me it would be the height of rudeness to have a gesture meant in kindness and genuinely out of respect to be thrown back in my face.

Conversely, a firm but polite insistence paying your own way should always be respected.

I think many men don't understand how it feels to have these kind of gestures of "kindness" made. An insistence on paying for me *feels like* you're trying to buy me at an early stage, and I will feel in your debt. As if I owe you something. Let's not mince words here on a sex site - I will feel obliged to give you sex.

Why do I feel like that? Because of the way society has cultured me to feel over the last thirty years or so. I've been brought up in a world that is still reeling from the sexism it has be loaded up with in the past.

Men historically paid for dinner not because of "chivalry" (which btw is actually a code for fighting 'nicely' during battle and when killing people) but because women were property who didn't earn or have money. Property of their father and then property of their husband.

So men who insist on always paying for dinner and not letting women go halves are harking back to a time when women didn't have money, jobs, independence. They are actively saying "you aren't capable of paying" with their actions. They are saying "men are the breadwinners and should pay". That's not respect - quite the opposite.

There are some women who enjoy that. Who are happy to take whatever they can have bought for them. Fair enough. I'll take freebies at the food festival too, you know? But those freebies often come with conditions - like giving over my email so that the company has something in return. Freebies are rarely actually free - something is always expected in return. Even if you say it isn't.

Like Stella - paying a high price for dates or club entry makes the whole experience "reassuringly expensive". And it gives people subconscious expectations."

It's based on reciprocity and historic economic reality that many women didn't earn their own way in the past. Nothing to do with chivalry.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"

I take it as a huge compliment that a man thinks I am worth doing something for that he doesn't have to do.

So why is it such a huge mark of disrespect (and emasculation?) when a woman offers to pay for a man? Why do so many men have such a hard time accepting this kind of behaviour?

(Answer: Because society is shit and has double standards between the genders.)

No, it is because women are not natural with it and might even throw it back in the mans face should the friendship not work"

The only mark of my worth that means anything is my own (and perhaps those that are closest to me).

This woman is entirely natural with it, as are plenty of others. The societal norm is based in historical notion that a woman has no money of her own. Today it is ridiculous, but our idea of chivalry is still rooted in something that's obviously bonkers.

There is a really simple conversation that is clear and polite and without fuss assesses and resolves each person's opinion. It's entirely irrelevant if this is two men, two women or a man and a woman.

1 person "I would like to contribute to this event"

Other person "great thanks"

Everyone's feelings entirely intact. No manhood has been lost and everyone is happy.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plus women fucking a guy does not mean they like him, maybe a girl they don't like fucked the guy , then the ladies will fuck the guy too to prove a point to her , it does not mean they like him.

i've had that done to me. i know i'm a better fuck though so it was fine she did that, it made her look bad.

Yeah of course ladies always have their little beefs in the clubs, I was sitting in the club talking to a lady before when another lady equally beautiful walked up to where we were sitting brought out my cock and started sucking it, she then fucked me on the chair while the other lady was sitting by my side, she was beautiful so I did not stop her but she did not say a word to me, obviously she just wanted to upset the other girl. Swinging rules apply so the other girl just sat and watched."

I would have got up and left you to it. That isn't my idea of swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plus women fucking a guy does not mean they like him, maybe a girl they don't like fucked the guy , then the ladies will fuck the guy too to prove a point to her , it does not mean they like him.

i've had that done to me. i know i'm a better fuck though so it was fine she did that, it made her look bad.

Yeah of course ladies always have their little beefs in the clubs, I was sitting in the club talking to a lady before when another lady equally beautiful walked up to where we were sitting brought out my cock and started sucking it, she then fucked me on the chair while the other lady was sitting by my side, she was beautiful so I did not stop her but she did not say a word to me, obviously she just wanted to upset the other girl. Swinging rules apply so the other girl just sat and watched."

And then you woke up.

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By *andsonjohn OP   Man
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"

I don't think it is emasculating or disrespectful if a woman offers to treat a man. I've treated men before. But I think it is more the norm for it to be the other way round, because genders are not the same in the psychological make-up. Yes there should be sexual equality with regards to rights, and nobody is disputing that. But I am personally not partial to sexual equality with regards to behaviour and etiquette between genders. That to me feels unnatural. If I have sex with a man I am treating him as someone special, purely by the fact that i willing to have sex with him. If a man has sex with me he is highly unlikely to consider me special. That's why there is such an enormous gender ratio inequality on Fab - men typically have a different approach to sex than women. There will of course be variations and I'm certainly not saying that all men on Fab will have sex with someone they don't give a toss about. But there is a pattern. As a result it is very important to me that a man goes the extra mile to demonstrate I am worth it.

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This is the vanilla mentality right here and it is a very wrong mentality, am I supposed to feel special because a lady has sex with me, something she is also enjoying ,infact if a lady steps to me with this pussy card , I will tell her to keep her pussy, are ladies now supposed to accept that all they have in life is pussy? No, I don't agree, this is the mentality of a lazy woman. I have always believed that if a lady cannot stand on her feet, it is not good. Ladies please don't accept failure and follow such a mentality, be a woman of substance and fuck who you want to fuck, where you want to fuck them and how you want to fuck them, you can be successful and be a sugar mum with pride.Nothing wrong with it.

Maybe I expressed it badly. I was trying to contrast the difference between a male approach to sex and the female approach (and I realise there are variations within that) especially on Fab. 'Special' is the wrong word. But I worry that men will fuck me even if they don't like me. But if that man goes the extra mile when he doesn't have to, then i think there is a greater chance that he likes me. A man will know that I like him if I am prepared to fuck him. But I'm not saying this about men like you. Judging by this thread you have high standards about who you sleep with. Sadly many men will fuck anybody, and I don't want to be that 'anybody'.

Mrs"

Your approach is correct men will fuck a woman they don't like because its a free fuck as the saying goes .

I pride myself on never sleeping with anyone who I gladly would have as a fwb so sometimes more than one social.is needed before I make up my mind other times I know instantly from the first fave to face .

I'm.like this because i value myself higher than a notch on someone's bed post therefore I don't treat others in that way .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plus women fucking a guy does not mean they like him, maybe a girl they don't like fucked the guy , then the ladies will fuck the guy too to prove a point to her , it does not mean they like him.

i've had that done to me. i know i'm a better fuck though so it was fine she did that, it made her look bad.

Yeah of course ladies always have their little beefs in the clubs, I was sitting in the club talking to a lady before when another lady equally beautiful walked up to where we were sitting brought out my cock and started sucking it, she then fucked me on the chair while the other lady was sitting by my side, she was beautiful so I did not stop her but she did not say a word to me, obviously she just wanted to upset the other girl. Swinging rules apply so the other girl just sat and watched.

And then you woke up. "

Hahaa yes!! Plus...they were not women....women do not feel the need to prove themselves nor try and upset other women...if they do not like another female they ignore them...they are girls...this is not an age determined label

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