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Do guys realise the difference in being a dom and just like playing rough in bed?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Im curious as most guys say they like playing dom yet don't they tend to take control abit and play rough but that's it there is never any proper dom sub play. Is there any actual doms around

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Ah...the curse of the "twue Dom".

There are people here who know it's not just about being rough or hitting your partner....

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Unfortunately there are a lot of dim doms about who think being a Dom is just about being rough in the bedroom and doing what THEY want without any thought to the wants and needs of the person they are playing with, when in fact it's quite the opposite.

A genuine Dom will take time to listen to you and your needs and play accordingly building trust and respect in BOTH directions.

There are of course going to be plenty of both types on a site like this, the key is sorting out who is which.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im curious as most guys say they like playing dom yet don't they tend to take control abit and play rough but that's it there is never any proper dom sub play. Is there any actual doms around "

I have just moved to Birmingham with experience being a Dom..i like to take total control of subs total sex life and must seek my permission for any sexual activity

Like the sound of that?

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

i think a lot more people should experiment in relationships before moving onto NSA stuff when it comes to this. then they'd actually know the person and get that it's all about what both of you want.

if you notice most sub guys also expect to be used, not really my idea of a sub and more like they're passing on responsibility for their sex life to someone who doesn't really know them or what they want.

i learned a long time ago not to bother looking for anything BDSM on the internet. it's seems to be selfish people with the wrong idea of what the other person wants (ie. they want nothing but to do what they want)...which is right in a way (because you need to be compatible) but approaching someone like they have no needs at all isn't right at all.

i'd say if you have BDSM needs don't mention domme/sub or any of the 'buzz words', just describe what you actually want and leave it to guys to be compatible with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't just simply be a Dom of a complete stranger in my experience... it takes time to build a close sensual relationship and understand what the Dom/ Sub relationship looks like and what both parties are looking for and how it will be delivered.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are definitely a few around, but they're way outnumbered by Christian Grey wannabes.

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Ohhhh the "im a dom, i read 50 shades" bunch....

I did just roll my eyes

There are true Doms, some of us are quite open about it.... Dax is an amazing Dom and does have quite a reputation in certain clubs. So quite lucky really

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

There are a few good real doms male and female.

There are also lots of so called doms on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you discuss with them what you want? They aren't psychic. Dom can be many different things to different people. Rough sex can be dom for some. For others it might be very extreme stuff.

Bit daft to expect someone to know what you want then bitch about them for not knowing what scale you're on.

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By *nequeenslutWoman
over a year ago

rugeley

you would be very lucky to find a male with an IQ in double figures let alone one that knows how to dom/top

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you discuss with them what you want? They aren't psychic. Dom can be many different things to different people. Rough sex can be dom for some. For others it might be very extreme stuff.

Bit daft to expect someone to know what you want then bitch about them for not knowing what scale you're on. "

^ this! Everyones wants and definitions are different, if you're expecting to meet someone and them just to slot into that Role without getting to know each other then you're bound to be disappointed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always looking for ways to improve at this. I control mrs S at all times when she is wearing her ch0ker chosen by me she requests permission to sit on furniture and to use the toilet she get punished physically in the bedroom or if I am unable to be at home I resort to making her write lines for me or carry out tasks it's really tough to find good material on how to improve but I don't feel I do a bad job but the key is the relationship I know exactly how far to push etc with mrs wouldn't know where to start with another...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Domination is mental aspect.

Rough sex is physical aspect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unfortunately there are a lot of dim doms about who think being a Dom is just about being rough in the bedroom and doing what THEY want without any thought to the wants and needs of the person they are playing with, when in fact it's quite the opposite.

A genuine Dom will take time to listen to you and your needs and play accordingly building trust and respect in BOTH directions.

There are of course going to be plenty of both types on a site like this, the key is sorting out who is which."

I don't think this is the correct site to find a genuine Dom (or Domme, for that matter), there are far better ones out there. As pointed out, the key is to being able to differentiate between those who can only talk the talk but who have no idea how to walk the walk. The subs truly hold the power in a D/s relationship, they hand over control, which of course, they can rescind at any time. Any guy can call a woman names whilst roughing her up demanding sex, but that only makes him an idiot and not a Dom.

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent

As u can see loads of options as too a dom.....im me...hi..lol....it all depends on the dom yr after...weather he strict..weather he listens..weather he ..this weather he that....

A dom is called a dom because he is one...he aint what u want ..hes what u need..lol

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"

i learned a long time ago not to bother looking for anything BDSM on the internet. it's seems to be selfish people with the wrong idea of what the other person wants (ie. they want nothing but to do what they want)..."

Word

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By *ancscleanguyMan
over a year ago

Preston

Yes

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent

And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Unfortunately there are a lot of dim doms about who think being a Dom is just about being rough in the bedroom and doing what THEY want without any thought to the wants and needs of the person they are playing with, when in fact it's quite the opposite.

A genuine Dom will take time to listen to you and your needs and play accordingly building trust and respect in BOTH directions.

There are of course going to be plenty of both types on a site like this, the key is sorting out who is which.

I don't think this is the correct site to find a genuine Dom (or Domme, for that matter), there are far better ones out there. As pointed out, the key is to being able to differentiate between those who can only talk the talk but who have no idea how to walk the walk. The subs truly hold the power in a D/s relationship, they hand over control, which of course, they can rescind at any time. Any guy can call a woman names whilst roughing her up demanding sex, but that only makes him an idiot and not a Dom. "

Totally agree that this isn't the best site to look for a Dom/me although there are some here, there are plenty of better options out there for sure where it's more likely to come across the right sort of person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

"

That's an abusive relationship, not a Dom.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

That's an abusive relationship, not a Dom. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never claim to be a Dom (nor, to be honest, would I want to be) however, I do have a preference for submissive women. I prefer to take the lead when it comes to sex - but this does not make me a dom.

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By *he ODBMan
over a year ago

glasgow

I enjoy being dom but it's not a full time thing or why I'm here . I don't advertise it on here on that basis and of course there's plenty of charlatans around. I can only dom for a real sub. Not someone just enjoying restraints and a bit of spanking.

It can't be achieved after a few short messages you really need all that getting to know each other intimately stuff first. There's so much trust required by both parties that I just couldn't turn up and start whacking away like some seem to think is the done thing. I'm not a sadist anyway spanking isn't for my pleasure. I have had great BDSM meets over the years via sites but it's always been after a lot of chat etc first. To be really honest my first encounter with a real sub only came after a lot of coercion any nutter could have you leave marks etc then cry the R word that I'm not allowed to type. That's an extreme way to look at it of course but a possibility none the less

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

That's an abusive relationship, not a Dom. "

not if the submissive person wants that too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some do

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"Im curious as most guys say they like playing dom yet don't they tend to take control abit and play rough but that's it there is never any proper dom sub play. Is there any actual doms around "

They've watched 50 shades so they think they're an expert

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"Im curious as most guys say they like playing dom yet don't they tend to take control abit and play rough but that's it there is never any proper dom sub play. Is there any actual doms around "

I'm brilliant at being dom if you give me a chance

I can chase you around the bed room dressed as a squirrel while shouting "HELLO, I'M ON THE PHONE'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do so love watching conversations about what constitutes a "true dom". I'm content with how I play and that I always treat my toys and subs with dignity and respect. That's as far as I'm prepared to go on these conversations because they always have a very judgy undertone to them. That said I do hope that people are able to spot the dodgy people who see BDSM as an outlet for abusive behaviour.

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By *andCforfunCouple
over a year ago

Inverness


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

That's an abusive relationship, not a Dom. "

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

"

Excuse me!! Telling someone when they can pee or not is abuse. This is against women's rights!!

No way would any man tell me what to do sexually or other!!!

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By *aughty_nymphWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I've had 2 subs in the past.... I can't domme just anyone.

I need to have a certain spark with that person for that. It's not a generic script for all! Anyone can be rough in the bedroom.... but that isn't dominating someone..

Dominating someone to me is pushing their boundaries while being RESPECTFUL of their limits.

A sub is in control ultimately. A real Dom/me will know this. This is vital to know for more extreme play like CBT, breath play etc. If you don't know your subs limits you are entering dangerous territory!

When I've played with my subs, I don't do everything at once.... I'll concentrate on 2/3 aspects of domination. Say spanking, sensory deprivation and orgasm denial. Then you can really get to know what your sub likes and work on that and things that stem from it... so your sub likes spanking, they might like other aspects of sensation play... EXPERIMENT!

The main thing I've learnt with my experience of it is if you can dominate someone's mind, their body will follow. One negative experience for a sub will have a massive impact on that persons boundaries.

I would never meet someone and dominate them straight away....

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By *he ODBMan
over a year ago

glasgow


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Excuse me!! Telling someone when they can pee or not is abuse. This is against women's rights!!

No way would any man tell me what to do sexually or other!!! "

I'm not sure if you're serious or not but against the will of someone would be violating human rights.

Hate to expose you to BDSM but toilet control/ forced wetting is a lot more common a kink than you'd like to think . It's not one of mine but I've came across women who wanted that level of domination. Different strokes for different folks. I had a sub that wanted total power exchange. I couldn't offer that. For me a little BDSM is a fun little pass time between consenting adults. There's no list of do's and donts only what is pleasurable to the participants. Personally I treat domming as an extension of roleplay and for that reason don't consider myself a true dom at all but a more than capable one if the mood arises with the right person

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By *teve261970Man
over a year ago

Gateshead


"Domination is mental aspect.

Rough sex is physical aspect."

I find the mind control very exciting, it's not about rough all the time, the restraint the tease, the submission of the sub, pushing their boundaries the limits of their sexual comfort zone.

Anyone can turn up & be rough, verbally abusive & some people do enjoy this, but some women enjoy the submission of their will, handing control, total control to a trusted companion.

Pushing how far they go in public exhibitionism & exposure. Knowing they're doing it to please they're dominating other.

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton

No such thing as A Dom, just The Dom for a certain person. It's not one size fits all. Depends on the sub's needs and the dom's wants. For it to be truly mind blowing, you've got to understand each other and have a connection. A random on fab is never going to hit those highs tbh. NSA is great fun, but misses the point with D/s imo.

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

That's an abusive relationship, not a Dom.

not if the submissive person wants that too."

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent


"I've had 2 subs in the past.... I can't domme just anyone.

I need to have a certain spark with that person for that. It's not a generic script for all! Anyone can be rough in the bedroom.... but that isn't dominating someone..

Dominating someone to me is pushing their boundaries while being RESPECTFUL of their limits.

A sub is in control ultimately. A real Dom/me will know this. This is vital to know for more extreme play like CBT, breath play etc. If you don't know your subs limits you are entering dangerous territory!

When I've played with my subs, I don't do everything at once.... I'll concentrate on 2/3 aspects of domination. Say spanking, sensory deprivation and orgasm denial. Then you can really get to know what your sub likes and work on that and things that stem from it... so your sub likes spanking, they might like other aspects of sensation play... EXPERIMENT!

The main thing I've learnt with my experience of it is if you can dominate someone's mind, their body will follow. One negative experience for a sub will have a massive impact on that persons boundaries.

I would never meet someone and dominate them straight away.... "

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By *ood girl2010Couple
over a year ago

crewe

my dom is a true one I cant cum till he says and if I do I get punished he is not one of the soft ones I even have my tea out of a dog bowl and get fucked after that's if I say please

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By *laction manMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Good point, I get annoyed with women who say they're subs but are actually lazy and just want someone to tie them up and/or do all the work.

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By *ommenhimCouple
over a year ago

wigan

Are there Dom exams? Is there a way of assessing and approving a Dom by a set of criteria to ensure their proficient?

There aren't so simply pulling out the same old tripe about " you're not a Dom", "seen fifty shades" "dim Dom" etc is all just an opinion. As many state the Dom should understand the sub so the sub... and the sub has the biggest opinion on whether they feel dommed. If they do then they are submissive to a Dom, whether that dom has just finished watching fifty shades, been at "it", whatever "it" is, for years or picked up their first cane five minutes ago.

I find the regurgitation of all this nonesense about who is and who isn't laughable.

When can someone call themselves a Dom?

What does a Dom do to be able to call themselves that?

What experience does a Dom need?

Whose opinion counts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are there Dom exams? Is there a way of assessing and approving a Dom by a set of criteria to ensure their proficient?

There aren't so simply pulling out the same old tripe about " you're not a Dom", "seen fifty shades" "dim Dom" etc is all just an opinion. As many state the Dom should understand the sub so the sub... and the sub has the biggest opinion on whether they feel dommed. If they do then they are submissive to a Dom, whether that dom has just finished watching fifty shades, been at "it", whatever "it" is, for years or picked up their first cane five minutes ago.

I find the regurgitation of all this nonesense about who is and who isn't laughable.

When can someone call themselves a Dom?

What does a Dom do to be able to call themselves that?

What experience does a Dom need?

Whose opinion counts? "

100% this.

I used to be in the gentle dom category, which to some people made me not a dom. I found my sadistic side but I still joke about and laugh with my sibs even during a scene. So again... not a dom.

As I said earlier my only concern are the people who use it as an outlet for abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

That's an abusive relationship, not a Dom. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A true dom or sub just evolves that way through sexual partners and experience, u can't just decide your either or, its just part of who u are

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

The impression I get from many men is -

Being a Dom means they can fuck as selfishly as they like, ignore you when you say I don't really like that and be rough, pin you down, slap your arse. All because women love that 50 shades shit and that is how it's done in the books, right?

Not really, no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The impression I get from many men is -

Being a Dom means they can fuck as selfishly as they like, ignore you when you say I don't really like that and be rough, pin you down, slap your arse. All because women love that 50 shades shit and that is how it's done in the books, right?

Not really, no.

"

It takes a certain kind of man to be a real dom ... I'd be running in the opposite direction from the guys your talking about

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"The impression I get from many men is -

Being a Dom means they can fuck as selfishly as they like, ignore you when you say I don't really like that and be rough, pin you down, slap your arse. All because women love that 50 shades shit and that is how it's done in the books, right?

Not really, no.

"

I don't I see the word "Dom" with a capital D and instantly think "wanker". I like a bit of rough sex where I am submissive. But I'm submissive sexually ... I'm nobody's sub.

V x

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By *aughty_nymphWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"The impression I get from many men is -

Being a Dom means they can fuck as selfishly as they like, ignore you when you say I don't really like that and be rough, pin you down, slap your arse. All because women love that 50 shades shit and that is how it's done in the books, right?

Not really, no.

It takes a certain kind of man to be a real dom ... I'd be running in the opposite direction from the guys your talking about "

That exactly why I don't let men Dom me!

I've tried to see both sides of the D/s but all my experiences have been negative really!

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By *andemanMan
over a year ago

bedforshire

Numpty "Doms" annoy me. They do not have a clue. They either are just using it to treat woman as a peice of meat or they selfish play to get thier rocks off and forget the womans pleasure.

Neither of these is Dom!

Pace consideration consent creativity control and constraint. These are the features of true Dom play.

Rough Sex is Rough Sex. I do wish these ametures would know the difference. Muppets!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

all i want is a guy to be naturally dom take the lead and give me what i want some good hard sex mixed in with everything else but as soon as you mention dom they all start thinking whips n chains and grabbing you by the throat n stuff as some one else has said im sexually sub but no one is owning me or going to treat me like shit cos it aint going to happen lol slap me and i slap back hard

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By *aidtobespankedCouple
over a year ago

Chester

We enjoy dom sub play M/f

More than happy for that to be M/ff if any ladies are struggling to find a dominant guy

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By *ivilizedkinkCouple
over a year ago

harrow


"I've had 2 subs in the past.... I can't domme just anyone.

I need to have a certain spark with that person for that. It's not a generic script for all! Anyone can be rough in the bedroom.... but that isn't dominating someone..

Dominating someone to me is pushing their boundaries while being RESPECTFUL of their limits.

A sub is in control ultimately. A real Dom/me will know this. This is vital to know for more extreme play like CBT, breath play etc. If you don't know your subs limits you are entering dangerous territory!

When I've played with my subs, I don't do everything at once.... I'll concentrate on 2/3 aspects of domination. Say spanking, sensory deprivation and orgasm denial. Then you can really get to know what your sub likes and work on that and things that stem from it... so your sub likes spanking, they might like other aspects of sensation play... EXPERIMENT!

The main thing I've learnt with my experience of it is if you can dominate someone's mind, their body will follow. One negative experience for a sub will have a massive impact on that persons boundaries.

I would never meet someone and dominate them straight away.... "

this is the proper definition,so few realise this .the sub is the one with the true control the dom paints an illusion of control while helping the sub to push their bounderies in a controlled,safe environment but at no time every completely relinquishing the control .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

but thats dom in a bdsm world not a normal world being dom to me is a confident person who will take the lead but at the same time respect me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and as a woman i hate what 50 shade of grey have done i think men read it and then think every single woman must want .. worse pile of shit ever wrote

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By *omis.69Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

I wonder how many times this subject has or will be posted ?

Being a dom isn't all about rough or all about 50 shades and a true sub will understand that. Just as a true dom will understand that subs have needs, requirements and wishes also. That's part of the role/scenario that most 50 shaders fail to realise!

A dom/sub scenario is exactly that mutual needs and satisfaction.

Understand the mind and using it to mutual satisfaction in whatever form is what it's all about??

Shame the OP has blocked all males though ??

But that's my view on it and fortunately I've not had any complaints as to my methods

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"and as a woman i hate what 50 shade of grey have done i think men read it and then think every single woman must want .. worse pile of shit ever wrote "

50 shades of black is hillarious ... u should try and watch that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wonder how many times this subject has or will be posted ?

Being a dom isn't all about rough or all about 50 shades and a true sub will understand that. Just as a true dom will understand that subs have needs, requirements and wishes also. That's part of the role/scenario that most 50 shaders fail to realise!

A dom/sub scenario is exactly that mutual needs and satisfaction.

Understand the mind and using it to mutual satisfaction in whatever form is what it's all about??

Shame the OP has blocked all males though ??

But that's my view on it and fortunately I've not had any complaints as to my methods "

We're starting to explore the whole Dom/sub but have not found that rough play comes into it much ?

That's more role play for us ?

But teasing and not letting her have control seems to hit the spot especially in public ?

Don't know if we're going in the right direction but enjoying the experience

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By *D835Man
over a year ago

London


"Unfortunately there are a lot of dim doms about who think being a Dom is just about being rough in the bedroom and doing what THEY want without any thought to the wants and needs of the person they are playing with, when in fact it's quite the opposite.

A genuine Dom will take time to listen to you and your needs and play accordingly building trust and respect in BOTH directions.

There are of course going to be plenty of both types on a site like this, the key is sorting out who is which."

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

"

Wow!!! Such ignorance....that is not a D/s relationship....at best and i mean at best loosely.. its a slave relationship and at worse an abusive one

A Dom/sub relationship really isnt like that abd i do feel sorry for any woman you meet if that truely is your attitude.

D/s relationships are nurturing and caring it is the Doms duty to ensure the sub is taken care of, looked after, protected from harm and that especially includes in certain aspects and scenarios.

Its the Dom learning the sub, how her body reacts to certain stimuli, they learn the subs limits and take them to the edge and keeping them in a state of ecstasy whilst satisfying their control needs.... Its a balance not a dick-tatorship!

Its treating her like she is your world and she will repay you with the same... Communication, trust and the ability to learn! A good Dom never stops learning, never stops learning how to be a better Dom to bring out the best in his sub.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

An interesting thread for sure, and one that is bound (no pun intended!!) to bring out mixed opinions about what domination/submission actually is. Of course whatever is agreed between two consenting adults as *their* version of a dominant/submissive relationship is absolutely fine, and what is domination/submission to one will not always be the same for another.

That said I think it important, especially in light of not only 50 Shades and it's shoddy ilk (but also the sheer availability of D/s porn that gives totally the wrong impression) to point out that there are both so called doms out there who are nothing more than abusers with a skewed view of what domination actually represents, just as there are a lot of naive submissives eager to take steps into a world that appeals, who those doms prey on (either deliberately so, or through their own misconceptions about what D/s is).

It all comes back to the safe, sane, consensual mantra really and if any of those elements aren't in place along with a level of knowledge and thought about what motivates both the dominant and the submissive, then I'd suggest it's not actually domination or submission regardless of what your version of it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i think a lot more people should experiment in relationships before moving onto NSA stuff when it comes to this. then they'd actually know the person and get that it's all about what both of you want.

if you notice most sub guys also expect to be used, not really my idea of a sub and more like they're passing on responsibility for their sex life to someone who doesn't really know them or what they want.

i learned a long time ago not to bother looking for anything BDSM on the internet. it's seems to be selfish people with the wrong idea of what the other person wants (ie. they want nothing but to do what they want)...which is right in a way (because you need to be compatible) but approaching someone like they have no needs at all isn't right at all.

i'd say if you have BDSM needs don't mention domme/sub or any of the 'buzz words', just describe what you actually want and leave it to guys to be compatible with that."

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By *ommenhimCouple
over a year ago

wigan


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Wow!!! Such ignorance....that is not a D/s relationship....at best and i mean at best loosely.. its a slave relationship and at worse an abusive one

A Dom/sub relationship really isnt like that abd i do feel sorry for any woman you meet if that truely is your attitude.

D/s relationships are nurturing and caring it is the Doms duty to ensure the sub is taken care of, looked after, protected from harm and that especially includes in certain aspects and scenarios.

Its the Dom learning the sub, how her body reacts to certain stimuli, they learn the subs limits and take them to the edge and keeping them in a state of ecstasy whilst satisfying their control needs.... Its a balance not a dick-tatorship!

Its treating her like she is your world and she will repay you with the same... Communication, trust and the ability to learn! A good Dom never stops learning, never stops learning how to be a better Dom to bring out the best in his sub.

"

Which is your view (just cos you were last to post) but the next will have their view and the next.... so the dim Dom, untested Dom, newbie Dom or fifty year experienced Dom may have a different approach and the sub may similarly have yet another .... none is wrong none is right.... it's nonesense!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately no not all.

The majority think that tying you up, blindfolding you, hard fucking and spanking your arse consists of being 'a Dominant' it is not this.

Being a Dominant is so much more...the welfare of their submissive... the consistancy of communication throughout play, and after,(aftercare in abundance, its not an option it is a MUST!)every day life is imperative and is unfortunately usually overlooked.

Unfortunately a certain book has led Men (and woman) who want to dabble in Dominance and submission that this is how it's should be.

Research, communication and taking you're time is the best advice that I can give to both Dominants and submissives or at least those who want to dip their toes into this lifestyle

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Unfortunately no not all.

The majority think that tying you up, blindfolding you, hard fucking and spanking your arse consists of being 'a Dominant' it is not this.

Being a Dominant is so much more...the welfare of their submissive... the consistancy of communication throughout play, and after,(aftercare in abundance, its not an option it is a MUST!)every day life is imperative and is unfortunately usually overlooked.

Unfortunately a certain book has led Men (and woman) who want to dabble in Dominance and submission that this is how it's should be.

Research, communication and taking you're time is the best advice that I can give to both Dominants and submissives or at least those who want to dip their toes into this lifestyle

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Wow!!! Such ignorance....that is not a D/s relationship....at best and i mean at best loosely.. its a slave relationship and at worse an abusive one

A Dom/sub relationship really isnt like that abd i do feel sorry for any woman you meet if that truely is your attitude.

D/s relationships are nurturing and caring it is the Doms duty to ensure the sub is taken care of, looked after, protected from harm and that especially includes in certain aspects and scenarios.

Its the Dom learning the sub, how her body reacts to certain stimuli, they learn the subs limits and take them to the edge and keeping them in a state of ecstasy whilst satisfying their control needs.... Its a balance not a dick-tatorship!

Its treating her like she is your world and she will repay you with the same... Communication, trust and the ability to learn! A good Dom never stops learning, never stops learning how to be a better Dom to bring out the best in his sub.

"

You got it in one. I am sub but not looking for a dom. Because I am lucky lady to found my top on here with out looking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a difficult question isn't it, surely the definition of Dom/Sub is down the person in that particular role. Some will see enjoying spanking as being submissive, but others are more in tune to the mental element of control rather than the physical element.

So personally, the mental is just as important as the physical, and the physical isn't necessarily rough sex. That said, rough sex may be part of it.

herein lies the problem, I don't think that there is one definition of this sort of relationship.

I think the only certainty, is that it has to be discussed before it is engaged in so that both parties are sure that their definitions are compatible, and that they both get what they want from the experience.

I consider myself naturally dominant, and have engaged in it on a number of different levels, and no experience is the same, because of the definition issue.

What is difficult however is when ones idea is wildly different to the other, however, this just comes down to compatibility.

Well thats my two pence worth, no doubt some will disagree and some will agree, and that is what makes it all part of the fun i guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

WB does

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Wow!!! Such ignorance....that is not a D/s relationship....at best and i mean at best loosely.. its a slave relationship and at worse an abusive one

A Dom/sub relationship really isnt like that abd i do feel sorry for any woman you meet if that truely is your attitude.

D/s relationships are nurturing and caring it is the Doms duty to ensure the sub is taken care of, looked after, protected from harm and that especially includes in certain aspects and scenarios.

Its the Dom learning the sub, how her body reacts to certain stimuli, they learn the subs limits and take them to the edge and keeping them in a state of ecstasy whilst satisfying their control needs.... Its a balance not a dick-tatorship!

Its treating her like she is your world and she will repay you with the same... Communication, trust and the ability to learn! A good Dom never stops learning, never stops learning how to be a better Dom to bring out the best in his sub.

"

that's basically the sub being selfish.

when did relationships just revolve around one persons needs and wants?

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Wow!!! Such ignorance....that is not a D/s relationship....at best and i mean at best loosely.. its a slave relationship and at worse an abusive one

A Dom/sub relationship really isnt like that abd i do feel sorry for any woman you meet if that truely is your attitude.

D/s relationships are nurturing and caring it is the Doms duty to ensure the sub is taken care of, looked after, protected from harm and that especially includes in certain aspects and scenarios.

Its the Dom learning the sub, how her body reacts to certain stimuli, they learn the subs limits and take them to the edge and keeping them in a state of ecstasy whilst satisfying their control needs.... Its a balance not a dick-tatorship!

Its treating her like she is your world and she will repay you with the same... Communication, trust and the ability to learn! A good Dom never stops learning, never stops learning how to be a better Dom to bring out the best in his sub.

"

Ignorance bud..think not ..ive had subs that want to be well I wont be able to post...im aware of what there wanting ..im being what THEY ask for.. ..had one once that cum when I spat in her face..in public....yr ov a dom with ya wife..who u want to love and care for of course. ..im dom to many women that want many things...not ignorance ..fact.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Wow!!! Such ignorance....that is not a D/s relationship....at best and i mean at best loosely.. its a slave relationship and at worse an abusive one

A Dom/sub relationship really isnt like that abd i do feel sorry for any woman you meet if that truely is your attitude.

D/s relationships are nurturing and caring it is the Doms duty to ensure the sub is taken care of, looked after, protected from harm and that especially includes in certain aspects and scenarios.

Its the Dom learning the sub, how her body reacts to certain stimuli, they learn the subs limits and take them to the edge and keeping them in a state of ecstasy whilst satisfying their control needs.... Its a balance not a dick-tatorship!

Its treating her like she is your world and she will repay you with the same... Communication, trust and the ability to learn! A good Dom never stops learning, never stops learning how to be a better Dom to bring out the best in his sub.

that's basically the sub being selfish.

when did relationships just revolve around one persons needs and wants?"

you don't get it by giving through taking control the tops need for control is sated , i have a sadistic streak that can be indulged by not only impact play and other pain related fun but also by pleasure over doses or edging ,both can sated my sadistic side .

both are highly pleasurable for a sub and to someone who doesn't understand the need of a top to have control would see such acts as selfish one way actions but they are not. you see I choose I can give or not give just like any sub.

i can stop play at any minute and just like a sub stopping play i expect to be respected if i choose to not play or stop play .( this is how i normally punish as i like pain queens so impact play can not be viewed as punishment but with holding topping is )

i don't top just anyone the number of woman I've topped in my life is under 20 I'm no swinger intimacy and toping go hand in hand for me so unless i feel a connection to a sub i will not top her .

taking on a sub is a commitment in my world and i only play with subs who think taking on a top is a commitment also .

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Wow!!! Such ignorance....that is not a D/s relationship....at best and i mean at best loosely.. its a slave relationship and at worse an abusive one

A Dom/sub relationship really isnt like that abd i do feel sorry for any woman you meet if that truely is your attitude.

D/s relationships are nurturing and caring it is the Doms duty to ensure the sub is taken care of, looked after, protected from harm and that especially includes in certain aspects and scenarios.

Its the Dom learning the sub, how her body reacts to certain stimuli, they learn the subs limits and take them to the edge and keeping them in a state of ecstasy whilst satisfying their control needs.... Its a balance not a dick-tatorship!

Its treating her like she is your world and she will repay you with the same... Communication, trust and the ability to learn! A good Dom never stops learning, never stops learning how to be a better Dom to bring out the best in his sub.

that's basically the sub being selfish.

when did relationships just revolve around one persons needs and wants?

you don't get it by giving through taking control the tops need for control is sated , i have a sadistic streak that can be indulged by not only impact play and other pain related fun but also by pleasure over doses or edging ,both can sated my sadistic side .

both are highly pleasurable for a sub and to someone who doesn't understand the need of a top to have control would see such acts as selfish one way actions but they are not. you see I choose I can give or not give just like any sub.

i can stop play at any minute and just like a sub stopping play i expect to be respected if i choose to not play or stop play .( this is how i normally punish as i like pain queens so impact play can not be viewed as punishment but with holding topping is )

i don't top just anyone the number of woman I've topped in my life is under 20 I'm no swinger intimacy and toping go hand in hand for me so unless i feel a connection to a sub i will not top her .

taking on a sub is a commitment in my world and i only play with subs who think taking on a top is a commitment also .

"

but basically that comment looked like everything revolves around the sub.

the last paragraph was half decent, although i personally don't believe someone should be your everything, but everything else selfish from the subs POV.

which is kind of weird coz they was acting like a dom having total control is abusive.

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By *andemanMan
over a year ago

bedforshire

The Fantasy about the Sub Dom experience is far more uncomtrolled than the reality delivered by one who understands it.

The amiture attempts to deliver the popular fantasy version.

Much of that is abuse and torture. Not sexy and ilegal for obvious reasons.

Control and surrender is at the heart of the real deal. The sub surenders not so much to the will of the Dom but to thier own desires. The Dom creats the enviroment to enable that. The Dom is working to Free the Sub from thier own inhabitions.

The iconohraphy of the play, floggers, ropes, blindfolds and so on, creats symbols of that surrender.

The physical sensations of these things are heightened by the degree of surrender to the desire by the sub.

The Dom becomes more excited by the degree of release the sub experiences. Not by the degree of control the Dom aquires.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its a difficult question isn't it, surely the definition of Dom/Sub is down the person in that particular role. Some will see enjoying spanking as being submissive, but others are more in tune to the mental element of control rather than the physical element.

So personally, the mental is just as important as the physical, and the physical isn't necessarily rough sex. That said, rough sex may be part of it.

herein lies the problem, I don't think that there is one definition of this sort of relationship.

I think the only certainty, is that it has to be discussed before it is engaged in so that both parties are sure that their definitions are compatible, and that they both get what they want from the experience.

I consider myself naturally dominant, and have engaged in it on a number of different levels, and no experience is the same, because of the definition issue.

What is difficult however is when ones idea is wildly different to the other, however, this just comes down to compatibility.

Well thats my two pence worth, no doubt some will disagree and some will agree, and that is what makes it all part of the fun i guess."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would never claim to be a Dom (nor, to be honest, would I want to be) however, I do have a preference for submissive women. I prefer to take the lead when it comes to sex - but this does not make me a dom."

And at least you are honest and can tell the difference between being a Dom and being assertive in the bedroom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have met a few very good doms....imaginative, respectful, masterful, versatile by going to fetish events to socialise and to play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

"

That's not a sub, that's a slave. There's a lot of difference between Master/slave & Dom/sub. Master/slave is a 24/7 lifestyle, Dom/sub isn't. And that will also differ depending on what type of sub she is.

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I would be warey of anyone "playing" at anything.

Being dom or sub requires trust and understanding. Its one thing to give tying up or spanking a go but that doesn't make someone a dom.

Its scary and dangerous how many suddenly think they are and have no clue how a scene could play out or any thought regarding aftercare.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that a lot of people confuse rough play as being dominant and its all about the dominants pleasure -Wrong !!!!

I have been in and out of the sub/Dom world for over 20 years. I was attending regular munchies learning techniques from spanking properly to rope work. I have been told I am naturally Dominant, but I took the time to learn. To many people have watch or read 50 shades and think they are experts.

I wouldn't class myself as an expert, but I know its about meeting a sub who willing wants to submit and learn. Talking the time by chatting what their motivations are. Then starting the training or play always with agreed hard boundaries and safe words and signs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do not know but i do not care as i lost hope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had 2 subs in the past.... I can't domme just anyone.

I need to have a certain spark with that person for that. It's not a generic script for all! Anyone can be rough in the bedroom.... but that isn't dominating someone..

Dominating someone to me is pushing their boundaries while being RESPECTFUL of their limits.

A sub is in control ultimately. A real Dom/me will know this. This is vital to know for more extreme play like CBT, breath play etc. If you don't know your subs limits you are entering dangerous territory!

When I've played with my subs, I don't do everything at once.... I'll concentrate on 2/3 aspects of domination. Say spanking, sensory deprivation and orgasm denial. Then you can really get to know what your sub likes and work on that and things that stem from it... so your sub likes spanking, they might like other aspects of sensation play... EXPERIMENT!

The main thing I've learnt with my experience of it is if you can dominate someone's mind, their body will follow. One negative experience for a sub will have a massive impact on that persons boundaries.

I would never meet someone and dominate them straight away....

this is the proper definition,so few realise this .the sub is the one with the true control the dom paints an illusion of control while helping the sub to push their bounderies in a controlled,safe environment but at no time every completely relinquishing the control ."

^^ This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had 2 subs in the past.... I can't domme just anyone.

I need to have a certain spark with that person for that. It's not a generic script for all! Anyone can be rough in the bedroom.... but that isn't dominating someone..

Dominating someone to me is pushing their boundaries while being RESPECTFUL of their limits.

A sub is in control ultimately. A real Dom/me will know this. This is vital to know for more extreme play like CBT, breath play etc. If you don't know your subs limits you are entering dangerous territory!

When I've played with my subs, I don't do everything at once.... I'll concentrate on 2/3 aspects of domination. Say spanking, sensory deprivation and orgasm denial. Then you can really get to know what your sub likes and work on that and things that stem from it... so your sub likes spanking, they might like other aspects of sensation play... EXPERIMENT!

The main thing I've learnt with my experience of it is if you can dominate someone's mind, their body will follow. One negative experience for a sub will have a massive impact on that persons boundaries.

I would never meet someone and dominate them straight away....

this is the proper definition,so few realise this .the sub is the one with the true control the dom paints an illusion of control while helping the sub to push their bounderies in a controlled,safe environment but at no time every completely relinquishing the control .

^^ This

"

Spot on... If anyone wants to learn, this is a good accurate summary.... But there's plenty of resource available on the web. I learn new things every day

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By *aughty_nymphWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"I've had 2 subs in the past.... I can't domme just anyone.

I need to have a certain spark with that person for that. It's not a generic script for all! Anyone can be rough in the bedroom.... but that isn't dominating someone..

Dominating someone to me is pushing their boundaries while being RESPECTFUL of their limits.

A sub is in control ultimately. A real Dom/me will know this. This is vital to know for more extreme play like CBT, breath play etc. If you don't know your subs limits you are entering dangerous territory!

When I've played with my subs, I don't do everything at once.... I'll concentrate on 2/3 aspects of domination. Say spanking, sensory deprivation and orgasm denial. Then you can really get to know what your sub likes and work on that and things that stem from it... so your sub likes spanking, they might like other aspects of sensation play... EXPERIMENT!

The main thing I've learnt with my experience of it is if you can dominate someone's mind, their body will follow. One negative experience for a sub will have a massive impact on that persons boundaries.

I would never meet someone and dominate them straight away....

this is the proper definition,so few realise this .the sub is the one with the true control the dom paints an illusion of control while helping the sub to push their bounderies in a controlled,safe environment but at no time every completely relinquishing the control .

^^ This

Spot on... If anyone wants to learn, this is a good accurate summary.... But there's plenty of resource available on the web. I learn new things every day "

glad you think so! I wanted to say so much more but I thought I best cap it at that lol

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

That's not a sub, that's a slave. There's a lot of difference between Master/slave & Dom/sub. Master/slave is a 24/7 lifestyle, Dom/sub isn't. And that will also differ depending on what type of sub she is."

We live a 24/7 D/s dynamic. It's entirely possible.

Kink is as varied as the people involved. There are no 'rules', just the ones the people involved agree too. If everyone is happy with the set up, enjoy. It's only a problem when there's a lack of communication or one partner is deceptive about their intentions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With respect, in my view the sub is not in control. It is no more than the standard position that no one can be made to do anything that they do not want to do. Likewise a dom cannot be made to do anything they did not want to do. I have met subs who as part of their kink wanted their doms to allow other men to play with them. The doms said no and the relationships ended. D/S can be a relationship where one gives up control within boundaries. If the sub has sole control that is topping from the bottom. The only consistent factor for acceptable d/s dynamic is genuine respect of consent and boundaries.

Too many people describe how they want to be treated or how they want to treat people and call it "real" or "proper" d/s.

Everyone in kink starts somewhere and false steps can be made on the way. If you meet someone who is not your cup of tea reasonable people let them pass. Or if its a scary sub... slowly back towards the door. I always find it troubling that people will disrespect others without having specific case in mind particularly in regard to doms. Not all subs want the negotiation, or to properly look into the background of the person with whom they are thinking of playing. The times eyes glaze over when you give the safety talk (in rope a must) is too often to be true. If there are dim doms, there are also silly subs. Personal responsibility informed consensual kink is a must.

From my limited experience not every sub wants nurturing, not every sub has to go into subspace, some just want the frustration caned out of their system. Not every dom wants to give written rules and wear black. Some just want a compatible soul that will follow their lead.

As someone said above it is a case of each party getting to know each other well before they play. But even that is a general rule. On Thursday I tied and waxed a sub (well switch in sub mode). She consented after a few chats over the evening. However this was at a well run event, in public and being monitored.

All that matters is that in whatever fucked up relationship or not even fucked up relationship, the two parties are genuinely happy with the situation.

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By *izadoCouple
over a year ago

Keighley


"I've had 2 subs in the past.... I can't domme just anyone.

I need to have a certain spark with that person for that. It's not a generic script for all! Anyone can be rough in the bedroom.... but that isn't dominating someone..

Dominating someone to me is pushing their boundaries while being RESPECTFUL of their limits.

A sub is in control ultimately. A real Dom/me will know this. This is vital to know for more extreme play like CBT, breath play etc. If you don't know your subs limits you are entering dangerous territory!

When I've played with my subs, I don't do everything at once.... I'll concentrate on 2/3 aspects of domination. Say spanking, sensory deprivation and orgasm denial. Then you can really get to know what your sub likes and work on that and things that stem from it... so your sub likes spanking, they might like other aspects of sensation play... EXPERIMENT!

The main thing I've learnt with my experience of it is if you can dominate someone's mind, their body will follow. One negative experience for a sub will have a massive impact on that persons boundaries.

I would never meet someone and dominate them straight away.... "

More or less exactly what I was going to say .

Mike and I are quite a rarity we've found (happy to be proven wrong) but we are a dominant couple and both enjoy building a relationship with our subs, one of which I've owned for 7 years. Their pleasure is a must for us and we have to have that spark between all of us otherwise the relationship doesn't work. it's also a caring relationship where you look after the interests of the other person, you want to push them but never cause them emotional or physical scaring that won't heal.

We've found it a problem finding true subs though. We get lots of messages, mainly from men, claiming to be sub and the first gentle instruction you give them they rebel against. Waste of our time and also why we always have several social meets and gentle play sessions before we even attempt anything more hard core.

A true sub, like a true dom/me has to have the mind set for it and understand what it means to them and each other. Our subs are treated very differently because they have very different needs.

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By *aughty_nymphWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

The sub has the safe word....? Does that not show the sub has control?

I use the amber and red system.... even pushing my first sub to an amber was enough for me.... my limits as a domme were pushed by doing something we had talked about (electro-urethral sounds) that he wanted and I had never done.

There is a fine line between pain that's pleasurable and pain that hurts... so I always gauge pain threshold before ANYTHING. Go in too hard too quickly and the sub will safe word very quickly, but if you take the time to build up they probably won't safe word at all.

This is what I find the case to be with spanking... so many people can't do it properly and I've heard about so many negative experiences from people thinking it's all about pain when it's really not!

But I guess it boils down to what both consenting adults want from it and that's the beauty of a D/s relationship.... there are no text book answers to what it should be, you tailor it

To suit the needs and wants of everyone involved

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol


"

Too many people describe how they want to be treated or how they want to treat people and call it "real" or "proper" d/s.

"

So true. Every single thread on Fab about the subject is like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"my dom is a true one I cant cum till he says and if I do I get punished he is not one of the soft ones I even have my tea out of a dog bowl and get fucked after that's if I say please"

oh purleese......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The sub has the safe word....? Does that not show the sub has control?

I use the amber and red system.... even pushing my first sub to an amber was enough for me.... my limits as a domme were pushed by doing something we had talked about (electro-urethral sounds) that he wanted and I had never done.

There is a fine line between pain that's pleasurable and pain that hurts... so I always gauge pain threshold before ANYTHING. Go in too hard too quickly and the sub will safe word very quickly, but if you take the time to build up they probably won't safe word at all.

This is what I find the case to be with spanking... so many people can't do it properly and I've heard about so many negative experiences from people thinking it's all about pain when it's really not!

But I guess it boils down to what both consenting adults want from it and that's the beauty of a D/s relationship.... there are no text book answers to what it should be, you tailor it

To suit the needs and wants of everyone involved "

To me the safe word is not a matter of control but of agreed boundaries. In the same way if a sub asks a dom to do something that was out of the dom's boundaries and the dom refuses does that mean the dom is in control? I don't think so, likewise nor is the sub in control. The safe word does not make a sub secure, knowing your dom will respect your use of the safeword gives security.

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By *ucy. AlCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Excuse me!! Telling someone when they can pee or not is abuse. This is against women's rights!!

No way would any man tell me what to do sexually or other!!! "

This proves a point that the wants and needs to each individual sub is different, some subs will give over complete control whilst others will have boundaries that must be respected by the dom. I am dominant and have respect for my sub. I am also a switch so submissive myself. Being told what to do in EVERY aspect of my life for mutual gratification does appeal to me in exchange for being looked after aswell and that's the key looking after and taking care with mutual consent and boundaries.

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

Even if there's a true sub and a true dom they're still not automatically compatible. It's about matching needs and having a connection and trust. I'm still looking for a new Dom, most guys offers don't have a clue though. Not all Doms are capable of the psychological which I need. Interesting thread

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By *otForSoftiesWoman
over a year ago

The North / Party Hard Everywhere

I get a huge amount of messages and sad to say mostly they're just selfish requests like 'I want you to do x, y and z to me'. Most don't even bother reading the profile, extensive verifications or addressing me respectfully.

I usually ask people to come to a club night like Heathrow Dungeon Zone where I'm House Domme to talk to me in person so we can see if there's a connection and if the desires and needs match. Rarely does anyone turn up.

It makes me laugh when guys (and the occasional lady or couple) say Dommes are hard to find. We're not hard to find - there's just even less of us than the 'unicorn' single bi fem and very choosy who we give our time to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Excuse me!! Telling someone when they can pee or not is abuse. This is against women's rights!!

No way would any man tell me what to do sexually or other!!!

This proves a point that the wants and needs to each individual sub is different, some subs will give over complete control whilst others will have boundaries that must be respected by the dom. I am dominant and have respect for my sub. I am also a switch so submissive myself. Being told what to do in EVERY aspect of my life for mutual gratification does appeal to me in exchange for being looked after aswell and that's the key looking after and taking care with mutual consent and boundaries."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I worry about the wannabes spoiling it for the rest of us, but more than that I worry for the women who trust a fool to look after them only to be hurt (physically or mentally) in the process.

So many on here I suspect have no idea at all how to engage and look after a sub...

Mine put me on probation before deciding I was capable. That was tough to deal with, but I respect her more for it.

My probation is over and we are having a great time now.

My collar looks beautiful on her too !!!

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By *nttake2Couple
over a year ago

South

Some do, most don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I worry about the wannabes spoiling it for the rest of us, but more than that I worry for the women who trust a fool to look after them only to be hurt (physically or mentally) in the process.

So many on here I suspect have no idea at all how to engage and look after a sub...

Mine put me on probation before deciding I was capable. That was tough to deal with, but I respect her more for it.

My probation is over and we are having a great time now.

My collar looks beautiful on her too !!!"

Good for her ( meant in the nicest way of course) .... so many 'wannabe Dominants' don't understand the power that a submissive has...

I'm so happy for you both

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By *nttake2Couple
over a year ago

South


"Im curious as most guys say they like playing dom yet don't they tend to take control abit and play rough but that's it there is never any proper dom sub play. Is there any actual doms around "

The 'I've read 50 Shades of Grey, so I know what I'm doing wannabees. The bane of our lives! Yes, there are real Doms here. Drop us a message...

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By *nttake2Couple
over a year ago

South


"And in truth most women r only sub in bedroom....lol tho not at mine they sub all time...or there not a sub....

Sub....being told what to do.

Being told what to wear

Being told when too piss

Being told when to eat

Being TOLD .....ie a sub.

Wow!!! Such ignorance....that is not a D/s relationship....at best and i mean at best loosely.. its a slave relationship and at worse an abusive one

A Dom/sub relationship really isnt like that abd i do feel sorry for any woman you meet if that truely is your attitude.

D/s relationships are nurturing and caring it is the Doms duty to ensure the sub is taken care of, looked after, protected from harm and that especially includes in certain aspects and scenarios.

Its the Dom learning the sub, how her body reacts to certain stimuli, they learn the subs limits and take them to the edge and keeping them in a state of ecstasy whilst satisfying their control needs.... Its a balance not a dick-tatorship!

Its treating her like she is your world and she will repay you with the same... Communication, trust and the ability to learn! A good Dom never stops learning, never stops learning how to be a better Dom to bring out the best in his sub.

"

Exactly! My Sir describes it as being two sides of the same coin. One can't exist without the other.

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By *omis.69Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

How many threads/discussions are there on this subject.

Being a Dom is not a case of 50 shades.

It's a mind thing, the mind is the largest organ in the body, learn to stimulate, excite, control and respect that and the body will follow. But as said previously it doesn't happen overnight, it takes time, patience and understanding.

Mr Greys need to realise this.. and more importantly not all Doms good or bad will work with all submissives it still takes chemistry etc to get to that point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your ether born Dominant or born submissive, it takes the right person to develop and guide mold and let you grow, it takes strong minded people to be good D/s, we have been D/s for 17 years it's not a game bit of fun its a way of life

We are certainly not boring far from it and H is defiantly not lazy in the bedroom,

Those who have had the pleasure to see us scene will agree,

We also tend to attract other D/s couples when we swing due to them and us knowing rules boundaries safewords ect,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I as politely as can disagree with your first sentence as strongly as I can. It falls into the 50 shades/James Bond view of d/s.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My hubby downloaded 50 shades of Grey; now he is a Dom

He hasn't watched it yet

- Mrs. J -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im curious as most guys say they like playing dom yet don't they tend to take control abit and play rough but that's it there is never any proper dom sub play. Is there any actual doms around "

Doms take many guises... all depends on each dom/sub needs and desires i like pysc and role play but can do that 24/7 where some people are just looking for a guy that rough

so just as theres alot of people saying they are a dom who have no idea the same also goes for submissives. Catch 22 im afraid x

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I had a message off a guy claiming to be a dominant the other day. He asked if I liked it rough and wanted to be abused

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My opinion is It all depends on your partner and being able to adapt. You've either got it or you haven't simple as that...psychologically and physically.. a healthy aggressiveness and the ability to change whatever the circumstance or environment is.

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