FabSwingers.com forum: Sexless relationships

By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

It amazes me how common this is. And clearly a big reason why some married people are on here.

When it happened to me, after the birth of my child many years ago now, I lasted 15 months before temptation passed me by and I took it. That was the start of a new 13 yr relationship.

But how long have you gone without sex? I'm shocked at some stories.

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By *amianoMan
over a year ago

birmingham

6 months without sex and tht was to long for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6 months after the birth of my first child, due to a combination of a botched episiotomy and postnatal depression.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

The last 4 years of my marriage

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"The last 4 years of my marriage "

The last two years of mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

4.5 years is the longest spell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A year after the birth of my children. I breastfed for a year and I didn't want my boobs touched, let _lone anything else!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

About 3 yrs, just lost the urge really. I was single, not in a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

28 years

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By *layboi69Man
over a year ago

alfreton

4 years longest i went without any relations feels like historys starting to repeat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two weeks after the birth of my kids

I can't see it as a relationship I could manage to be in if its one where you are not having sex.

However, I understand that you can still be bound by love, friendship and caring...I would very much struggle without the intamacy too

Who knows though, depends on the circumstances, if sex wasn't happening for health reasons like mentioned on the other thread then It's very different to someone just going off you or can't be arsed to make the effort to fuck you

Ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

7 months for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex became increasingly uninterested in sex. In the end (15 years) I couldn't remember when we'd last had sex. It wasn't good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess ive been quite lucky, ive never gone beyond 2 months.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Since 1992

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Since 1992"

come on!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Split 88 divorce 88 tried to get back together 88 still together sex stopped 92

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Split 88 divorce 88 tried to get back together 88 still together sex stopped 92"

Wow I'm speechless

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By *dstar01Man
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

So far now i have been sexless in my mariage simce the conception of my son... ge is now 3 years and 2 months....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two weeks after the birth of my kids

I can't see it as a relationship I could manage to be in if its one where you are not having sex.

However, I understand that you can still be bound by love, friendship and caring...I would very much struggle without the intamacy too

Ruby"

In my book, if someone simply can't be arsed making the effort, despite knowing it's important to the other, then they don't love them - to me, love means doing your best to meet the needs of your partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It amazes me how common this is. And clearly a big reason why some married people are on here.

When it happened to me, after the birth of my child many years ago now, I lasted 15 months before temptation passed me by and I took it. That was the start of a new 13 yr relationship.

But how long have you gone without sex? I'm shocked at some stories. "

4 years then was told about FAB. and not looked back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 years after marriage ended but boy am I making up for lost time now!

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Lot of common themes in here. Births and bad marriages.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Not had sex with the wife for 4 years, just life getting in the way. Now it is difficult to know where to begin.

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By *hekaiserMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Last had sex in 2014....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Almost 10 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

10 was the longest period maybe had it two or three times in that space of time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's not only the scarcity of it that may be a problem, but the passion and desire behind it. I simply couldn't have sex with someone fulfilling their duty. I want them to want me too.

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By *im_66Woman
over a year ago

Bradford

8 years, before my divorce. Various reasons.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Before I met my OH, my last relationship was for two years and we had sex twice. I didn't cheat on him. The relationship ended for other reasons .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

since we got together think the longest we went without was about 6 weeks xx

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By *weetChariotMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

In 2001 my partner said no more sex, do what you need to do, but don't rub my face in it.

I went until 2010, then joined AFF and found a friend. Brought her here in 2011 and spent the summer of 2012 swinging here and at Kestrels.

She moved away in 2013, and I've not found a new regular friend yet. I have some friends, acquaintance's and the odd day out, plus the forums and chat rooms are fun. This seems a place with huge numbers of men drowning out any di_log with their demands. I live in hope, meanwhile I chat to friends, meet occasionally and enjoy the forums.

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By *andi_shopWoman
over a year ago

rotherham

While in a relationship about 3 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am surprised by the amount of people that have gone so long without. I thought I was a very rare case! It was just over 4 years for me after a very stressful relationship ended. Yep instead of the so-called rebound (hate that term) sex I went off it completely.

But then it changed when I went on a singles holiday and had great sex with 2 great ladies in 2 days. The latter was on a hotel roof watching a volcano erupt! I don't know if it was her or the volcano that made me erupt!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Within a relationship about 15 months, outside about 2.5 years. Throughout adults life I'd say about 75% of it was sex or relationship less.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine was never sexless, my husband at the time would just offer me to his friends, but we didn't have sex for months sometimes xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 years since I last had sex!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Still with my hubby but haven't had sex with him for 6-7 years i lasted 4 years before i looked else where and found my partner who im on here with weve been together 16 months now x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

18 mths for me in a previous marraige

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went over 5 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 months with hubby.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went 3 yrs without sex, I had to sit my hubby down and tell him that I couldn't go if my needs didn't get sorted. Maybe that was selfish of me but I was very unhappy. Even though we are still together if I try to have any sexual contact with him he pushes me away. He tells me he loves me and will sometimes cuddle me but other than that nothing. Its do difficult and now to complicate matters I have fallen in love with someone else.

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By *XHNHWoman
over a year ago

Stokeish...

Maybe about a month at the longest since I was 15 - I always have some sort of fuck buddy or something between relationships

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

about four years due to wife's health after that I went elsewhere.

still love here but need sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1yr after my marriage hit rocks now it's usually a month at longest now I'm single as getting meets can be difficult on here

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By *Devil77Man
over a year ago

West Midlands

6 years before I split with the ex.

She couldn't be bothered to even sleep in the same bed as me,and slept with the nipper instead.

I never felt so _lone until i left

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

18 months after i split up with my oldest kids dad, he put me right off relationships but the main reason i went without was because i had to prioritise my kids over a relationship anyway. they were only little.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

if you mean in a relationship (think you do) then not long. i have a high sex drive and can't go without sex for long.

but with my 2nd kids dad we went a few months and i was dying for sex but withholding it because i was not satisfied with the relationship on the whole and was waiting for him to acknowledge my nagging and do something to stop me nagging him, like not leaving everything to me.

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By *abe1200Couple
over a year ago

belfast

For us it was 12 months due to work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It isn't always sexless relationships.

We do have sex and when we do it is amazing but, it's always me who initiates it, she never will and sometimes it feels like she is doing it because she feels she has to. Plus it is no where near frequent enough.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a relationship like that before I met my life partner. It's horrible and destroys the soul xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get."

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in a relationship like that before I met my life partner. It's horrible and destroys the soul xx"

Yep, I've mentioned it to her recently in a nice calm manner and just got told if I'm not good enough for you then fuck off and find someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went 7 months

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

6 years in total. 1 year while married and the following 5 years until divorce came through. Made up for it ever since.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

10 years was my longest sexless time. 43-53.

Last break was nearly 11 months.

Sad waste of life actually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother"

I know how you feel it makes you feel sad .we used to have lovely holidays and weekends away where you would think something would happen.But still no sex so after not asking and just being nice it makes no difference so i gave up .Recently been honest and have separated Which I am too blame of course.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"6 years in total. 1 year while married and the following 5 years until divorce came through. Made up for it ever since."
I bet u was a demon in bed when u finally broke the cycle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine marriage wasn't sexless he just took it any way he wanted when he wanted it. I lost complete interest in sex because it wasn't done with any love or feelings. I didn't initiate it for over 15 years. Was the best thing I did the day I asked him to leave. For me I stayed because He had stripped me of all belief in myself and my self confidence was at an all time low. But know some friends who love each other very much but there's no sex involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

As is said, tried to be honest the other day and was made to feel like I'm the bad person. Apparently wanting sex more than once every 10 days makes her feel like a sex object and that's all I want her for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mine marriage wasn't sexless he just took it any way he wanted when he wanted it. I lost complete interest in sex because it wasn't done with any love or feelings. I didn't initiate it for over 15 years. Was the best thing I did the day I asked him to leave. For me I stayed because He had stripped me of all belief in myself and my self confidence was at an all time low. But know some friends who love each other very much but there's no sex involved. "

For me it's more than just sex, I've never taken it purely to get myself off. I like the closeness and the bonding, for me it's very important. A relationship without sex just wouldn't work for me. If it does for others that's great, each to their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

I would be happy with every 10 days but once a day better .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

I would be happy with every 10 days but once a day better .

It doesn't even have to be full sex, happy with a fumble under the sheets and some kissing. Numerous times I've tries to go down on her and expect nothing in return (I do like a good lick

). Can't win.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

I would be happy with every 10 days but once a day better .

My kind of woman liking it every day, very hot too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6 years for me he just has no interest in me that way anymore or sex itself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

I would be happy with every 10 days but once a day better .

It doesn't even have to be full sex, happy with a fumble under the sheets and some kissing. Numerous times I've tries to go down on her and expect nothing in return (I do like a good lick

). Can't win."

I used to come in from work upset with something awful happened as sometimes does with my job .I just wanted to talk and get cuddle .But no he couldnt do this as he thought I wanted sex so got pat on back saying I will be fine .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting thread, seriously. There can still be love in a relationship without sex, but it's very difficult for the party that still feels the need.

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By *teve261970Man
over a year ago

Gateshead

"So far now i have been sexless in my mariage simce the conception of my son... ge is now 3 years and 2 months...."

Is it medical? Post natal depression, my ex was really horny during pregnancy but after the birth she went off it.

I found out later she didn't feel sexy or attractive.

I always told her how gorgeous she was and how sexy. One day when we were out I told her to look at how other men were looking at her, they wanted her too. She did see the list in their eyes, that night we fucked like rabbits all night discussing what those dirty lustful men would do to a sexy woman like her. so began our trip in too the swing life.

;)

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By *teve261970Man
over a year ago

Gateshead

"6 years for me he just has no interest in me that way anymore or sex itself

What a waste of a wonderful woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting thread, seriously. There can still be love in a relationship without sex, but it's very difficult for the party that still feels the need."

It's OK If both parties accept it .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We wasn't sexless but it was boreing sex. Always Sunday morning. Always same thing roll on roll off. No different positions ect just same.

I told her I was bored and wanted more. We both decided to make an effort to look for different things to try.we started with nude beach then a club. We still don't full swap we just like to be watched and some touching. But 8yrs on and still having fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/04/17 16:13:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting thread, seriously. There can still be love in a relationship without sex, but it's very difficult for the party that still feels the need.

It's OK If both parties accept it .

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By *oluptuousWetOneWoman
over a year ago

Wokingham / Reading

I had more sex with the ex after we split than in the 10 years we were married probably once a year.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Interesting thread, seriously. There can still be love in a relationship without sex, but it's very difficult for the party that still feels the need.

It's OK If both parties accept it .

Yes I have two male friends in this situation. Love their wives and would never leave them.

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

it's been almost a yr.

single though and just haven't bothered since a painful break up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow at some of the lengths of time on here.

I once went a few weeks and thought that was bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a relationship is around 10 months.

Whilst single, around 14 months

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably only a few months tbh, but as I've got older I've started to have more respect for people who stay in sexless relationships rather than cheat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 years when single

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By *ohncukMan
over a year ago

london

Getting close to 2years here, Mrs lack of adventure in bed led me here years ago and her lack of love for oral either way made me curious to try cock even more, I mean how bad could it be. Tried it and what's all the fuss!!! It's great love it as much as eating pussy, got to get out of this place and find a lady who will share sex with others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Towards the end of my previous marriage we would only have sex every three or four months because he just didn't show any interest . I have a high sex drive so it was very difficult but I stayed faithful , only to come home and find him in bed with someone else - knobhead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Towards the end of my previous marriage we would only have sex every three or four months because he just didn't show any interest . I have a high sex drive so it was very difficult but I stayed faithful , only to come home and find him in bed with someone else - knobhead

Could of been worse could of found hubby in bed with a man .that happened to my mate and she never got over that .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, sounds like some seriously long term sexless situations and marriages. Thank heavens for swinging and FAB!

Do feel incredibly sorry for those in those unbalanced situations, some of whom often get vilified by the more ignorant on this site.

Sincerely hope everyone finds their happy medium and well done to all who have had the strength of will to change their predicaments for the better.

Great thread and food for thought for all in the above situations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

I would be happy with every 10 days but once a day better .

It doesn't even have to be full sex, happy with a fumble under the sheets and some kissing. Numerous times I've tries to go down on her and expect nothing in return (I do like a good lick

). Can't win.

I know that feeling as well, I can't even give her a hug without being accused of wanting sex. I'm very tactile and my hands do wander, usually to the small of her back and she just pulls away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could of been worse could of found hubby in bed with a man .that happened to my mate and she never got over that .

Either way would be cheating

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By *edzyWoman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Last 10 years of my marriage - stayed together for the kids but glad to be single now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

I would be happy with every 10 days but once a day better .

It doesn't even have to be full sex, happy with a fumble under the sheets and some kissing. Numerous times I've tries to go down on her and expect nothing in return (I do like a good lick

). Can't win.

I know that feeling as well, I can't even give her a hug without being accused of wanting sex. I'm very tactile and my hands do wander, usually to the small of her back and she just pulls away."

Not nice feeling being with person that pulls away .

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

The last 4 years of my marriage was totally without.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

11 yrs for me - female

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

I would be happy with every 10 days but once a day better .

It doesn't even have to be full sex, happy with a fumble under the sheets and some kissing. Numerous times I've tries to go down on her and expect nothing in return (I do like a good lick

). Can't win.

I know that feeling as well, I can't even give her a hug without being accused of wanting sex. I'm very tactile and my hands do wander, usually to the small of her back and she just pulls away.

Not nice feeling being with person that pulls away .

Nope, it's a very lonely, empty place to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's funny in a way that on this thread we have gone without sex for many years .And it's made us join sex site and resolve it .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good discussion and why I've ended up on here. It is amazing how quickly you can get into not having sex and being dissatisfied and resentful. I'm at the same stage as you 15 months. I've not physically cheated but ended up on line to find friendships. Who knows where this will all lead. Do other people on here feel like this - that you end up moving online to try and salvage your current relationship. Or am I fooling myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Six years passed before I took the plunge and joined an online site. Fortunatly met a few nice people who helped me out

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

2 years with no sex for me and then joined fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Since ive been with hubby (17 years) the longest without sex as been about a month, that's because i gave birth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is really interesting. Certainly sex started dwindling after births of kids but only past couple of years did it fizzle out completely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's funny in a way that on this thread we have gone without sex for many years .And it's made us join sex site and resolve it .

Yes. I fight with the duplicity of this daily.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont know how long.. but what I do know is I have 10 times more when I'm single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"6 years for me he just has no interest in me that way anymore or sex itself

What a waste of a wonderful woman

xx"

Awww thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last 10 years of my marriage - stayed together for the kids but glad to be single now

This is where I am in life. Staying together for the kids sake. They pick up on the distance between us. However we aren't mean to each other. We are caring and work well as a team but don't have a physical relationship. Odd - but can you become friends?

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By *mileyculturebelfastMan
over a year ago

belfast

About six months. Started to get used to going without. That was my main concern.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"About six months. Started to get used to going without. That was my main concern. "

When you do get it ,you want it all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I'd love to know what makes you stay in a relationship that's sexless and unhappy because of it? I know children seem to be one of the reasons, but why is it a reason? And if you don't have children, what makes you stay?

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

15 months so far. I'm sure things will change one way or the other soon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"15 months so far. I'm sure things will change one way or the other soon."

It's when kids grow up and leave the nest .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you. "

For me its the children and financial, although I do love my husband but as a friend

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you. "

i had kids, i've also been a single mum and knew i could cope by leaving. they weren't my motivation to stay in a relationship i wasn't happy in.

i thought he'd change. the balance between what we had and worked had changed and i needed him to change with me but he didn't. i know now i shouldn't have expected him to but if he had been more supportive of me when we were together i think i'd still be with my ex.

i withheld sex because i wasn't getting other forms of intimacy i needed to be willing to share myself sexually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

About 12/15 months ago. Counting was depressing so I stopped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My partner has a medical condition that makes a sex life painful for her, which is why I'm on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you.

For me its the children and financial, although I do love my husband but as a friend "

Right. I get the financial side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you.

i had kids, i've also been a single mum and knew i could cope by leaving. they weren't my motivation to stay in a relationship i wasn't happy in.

i withheld sex because i wasn't getting other forms of intimacy i needed to be willing to share myself sexually."

I totally understand that. The hope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you.

i had kids, i've also been a single mum and knew i could cope by leaving. they weren't my motivation to stay in a relationship i wasn't happy in.

i withheld sex because i wasn't getting other forms of intimacy i needed to be willing to share myself sexually.

I totally understand that. The hope. "

I stayed with my ex husband because I really thought if we worked on it we could turn things back around. Unfortunately he couldn't be bothered making any effort . Once I caught him cheating that was it - I was gone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I left my wife 6months ago after she said she didnt love me as her husband but only a friend, and she'd met someone else.that why im on here for some fun ,after all what happened to me i need it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you. "

My ex was emotionally abusive and controlling. He fed me up and when I finally got round to doing something about my weight and was in control of that he looked for another woman to taunt me with, but he'd been doing it all through our marriage. I was lucky that him staying here wasn't something I was prepared to put up with, as he wanted to still see her. I didn't do anything about it earlier as we have 2 disabled sons as well and all the complications of caring for them. I never saw myself as an attractive woman as he made me feel that no one would want me, and he didn't even kiss me for a lot of years. Now I know I should have kicked him out years ago but I thought I loved him, now I know he made me dependent on his approval. So easy to see when you're out the other side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for telling me.

Umm.. But I was more asking about cheating? Why stay if you're having sex elsewhere?

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By *icplshropsCouple
over a year ago

Rock

"It amazes me how common this is. And clearly a big reason why some married people are on here.

When it happened to me, after the birth of my child many years ago now, I lasted 15 months before temptation passed me by and I took it. That was the start of a new 13 yr relationship.

But how long have you gone without sex? I'm shocked at some stories. "

Only 6 months until I found my FWB

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lot of common themes in here. Births and bad marriages. "

Or births caused bad marriages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for telling me.

Umm.. But I was more asking about cheating? Why stay if you're having sex elsewhere?

I wasn't, he was but for him I think it was he didn't want to give up that power he had over me. I obviously can't speak for anyone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for telling me.

Umm.. But I was more asking about cheating? Why stay if you're having sex elsewhere?

I wasn't, he was but for him I think it was he didn't want to give up that power he had over me. I obviously can't speak for anyone else. "

Yes, I realise you weren't cheating. I'd be surprised if anyone here said it was because they didn't want to give up the power.

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By *ungBlackTopMan
over a year ago

salford

well that's what this site is for I guess. you can be in your relationship and fuck as many people as you can that you're not in a relationship with....lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Incompatible sex needs and sexless marriages are a soul destroying thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 years and counting

She's told me numerous times that only reason is the kids that we stay together and she'll be "going when they are old enough". I have slept on sofa same amount of time... love the nippers but it is a lonely life without intimacy and closeness.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Since ive been with hubby (17 years) the longest without sex as been about a month, that's because i gave birth

this post stands out! Love it

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By *mber GamblerCouple
over a year ago

rugby

2 years. My boyfriend was not interested at all. I think he was gay tbh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"2 years. My boyfriend was not interested at all. I think he was gay tbh."

Looking at your pics..... he must be!

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you.

i had kids, i've also been a single mum and knew i could cope by leaving. they weren't my motivation to stay in a relationship i wasn't happy in.

i withheld sex because i wasn't getting other forms of intimacy i needed to be willing to share myself sexually.

I totally understand that. The hope.

yeah mine went and looked elsewhere for the intimacy i wanted. it was like a double betrayal.

i actually sexually cheated on him for doing that and he forgave me and got his arse together for a bit and we got back together but it wasn't the same and i left.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

9 years until I finally started cheating

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By *loMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Wife had baby 5 and half month , still not having regular sex , once every ten days . Before 4 times a week and two shots , one in the mouth one inside .

Who long should I wait now ...... I'm wanking far too much I think ......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"4.5 years is the longest spell"

Same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

since 97

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in one at present and it's soul destroying, many a night I've cried myself to sleep because I feel like I'm begging him just to show me some sort of affection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in one at present and it's soul destroying, many a night I've cried myself to sleep because I feel like I'm begging him just to show me some sort of affection. "

He is missing out in a big way x

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By *ikstupp2Man
over a year ago

london

"I'm in one at present and it's soul destroying, many a night I've cried myself to sleep because I feel like I'm begging him just to show me some sort of affection. "
iv been in the same boat.feel for u girl

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By *ikstupp2Man
over a year ago

london

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By *erksGuy3Man
over a year ago

Aquitaine France

Brilliant thread, thank you OP for posting it. So many people in a similar relationship as my own.

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By *om_HardlyMan
over a year ago

Exeter

I've not had sex with my wife for over 5 years. We have never been true soulmates and find it hard to agree on most things. We were only together for 5 months before our child was conceived and only started living together full time a few months after. So we really hadn't got to know each other deeply. I thought I could make it work. We were both at an age where we were ready to settle down and bring up a child. But although I would not wish to be without my beautiful daughter who we both adore it probably wasn't a wise decision at the time. So we went for it and the first few years were what you'd expect with a whole new and responsible way of life. All the stresses and disruption that you would expect mixed with the joy of seeing a new life develop. But this increasingly became our sole focus and because we find it hard to agree on things and make decisions together our relationship gradually became more strained. This of course resulted in less intimacy and sex. So why have we stayed together many will ask? Well I gues neither of us have wanted to disrupt and destroy our daughter's life. We have settled into a life where we bumble _long with the occasional bicker and disagreement. We are financially secure, have great friends and a good social life. But like many a guy or lady on here sharing a similar situation have felt the need to seek fulfilment elsewhere. It's that panic you feel with increasing years and "you've only got one life" look at what you are missing. Then the easy accessibility of sites such as this which excite and titilate has helped aleiviate this a bit. I have always been very open minded and enjoyed some very interesting experiences before I met my partner. In the past 4 years I have had several discreet affairs which have brought some excitement back into my life and helped me cope with my situation. In the long term I know I want to share what remains of my life with someone new, Someone on the same wavelength. Whether I have the "balls" to make the split....we will see. Although I don't really see this happening until our daughter has finished her education and has flown the nest. I know many will judge me and I am unlikely to appeal to a lot of people on a swingers site. But I have had success on other "dating" sites where I'm also open about my circumstances. I do think FAB is an amazing place though and get much enjoyment from reading the forums, engaging in chat and looking at some very hot pics! So if that's as far as it goes here then that's ok

Sorry if I have droned on too much with a bit of a life story!

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By *weetChariotMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get.

This is how I was in my marriage. It made me feel bad so I stopped,apart from the sex was crap and I thought wants the point of asking.

I'm at that point now where I just won't bother

I would be happy with every 10 days but once a day better .

It doesn't even have to be full sex, happy with a fumble under the sheets and some kissing. Numerous times I've tries to go down on her and expect nothing in return (I do like a good lick

). Can't win.

I know that feeling as well, I can't even give her a hug without being accused of wanting sex. I'm very tactile and my hands do wander, usually to the small of her back and she just pulls away."

Same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 years for me

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By *rumph650Man
over a year ago

Cardiff

Sexless relationships are horrible unless it's a mutual agreement. My ex and I didn't have sex towards the end of our relationship, that wasn't the reason we parted but the lack of intimacy certainly didn't help. I think it's an easy rut to fall into when complacency and boredom takes hold of a relationship, often you stopping the effort with your sex life and it becomes the regular roll on roll off routine. Then it's more of a chore than actual enjoyment of each other's sexuality.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Oh my. Some of your posts have jogged somd memories. It wasn't an easy decision to split from my child's father, but it turned out to be the right one. Easier to do when children are little.

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By *om_HardlyMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"Oh my. Some of your posts have jogged somd memories. It wasn't an easy decision to split from my child's father, but it turned out to be the right one. Easier to do when children are little. "

Yes in hindsight I can see that it would be much better for the kids to separate when they are young. You were very brave though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ultimately, we have the life and the relationship that we choose to have.

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By *mber GamblerCouple
over a year ago

rugby

"I'm in one at present and it's soul destroying, many a night I've cried myself to sleep because I feel like I'm begging him just to show me some sort of affection. "

I was in one too so i know what you are going through. With me I think it was an abusive control game he used to play. Maybe that's what is happening with you. He could see how much it upset me yet continued with it. I remember him pushing the covers down between us so our skin couldn't even touch in bed, and for years i fretted about breathing on my now husband because my ex hated feeling my breath if i was too close to him. Just all sorts of things like that. It made me feel like shit. I did the right thing for me and left him. Only then did he try and give me attention. Too late.

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By *mber GamblerCouple
over a year ago

rugby

"Ultimately, we have the life and the relationship that we choose to have."

I suppose if you are in an abusive relationship you don't have that choice. Or the choice is so hard and seemingly impossible make, that you stay. But aside from that i agree with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

18mth ...when 1st seperated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I can help anyone out lol

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Oh my. Some of your posts have jogged somd memories. It wasn't an easy decision to split from my child's father, but it turned out to be the right one. Easier to do when children are little.

Yes in hindsight I can see that it would be much better for the kids to separate when they are young. You were very brave though "

Not at all really. I was more frightened at the prospect of 16+ years of unhappiness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you. "

As I said in an earlier post, we do have sex but it often feels forced on her part and I am always the one who initiates it. Our marriage is mostly good and we are happy to a degree and despite me being on here I do love my wife. I have talked this over with her many times but get nowhere and have decided to just leave it now.

However, I do not feel wanted and to me that is important, it feels lonely and it does hurt. When I have sex I want them to want me in the same way I want them and that is what I get by being on here. People can judge and I have no issue with that.

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By *ild-1Woman
over a year ago

york

I went about 18 months towards the end of my 11 year relationship. I'm making up for it now

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By *weetChariotMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

"Oh my. Some of your posts have jogged somd memories. It wasn't an easy decision to split from my child's father, but it turned out to be the right one. Easier to do when children are little.

Yes in hindsight I can see that it would be much better for the kids to separate when they are young. You were very brave though

Not at all really. I was more frightened at the prospect of 16+ years of unhappiness. "

I decided I did not want to be that every other weekend father but one that was there every evening to help with whatever. Teaching my daughter to ride horses, learning taekwondo and inline roller skating with my sun, holidays together, rockpooling, kite flying, homework help, just being there.

Yes, its been 16 years of no intimacy with her, but I ride, skate, parent with a smile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh my. Some of your posts have jogged somd memories. It wasn't an easy decision to split from my child's father, but it turned out to be the right one. Easier to do when children are little.

Yes in hindsight I can see that it would be much better for the kids to separate when they are young. You were very brave though

Not at all really. I was more frightened at the prospect of 16+ years of unhappiness.

Yes, its been 16 years of no intimacy with her, but I ride, skate, parent with a smile. "

That makes a lot of sense, it's good to see another perspective..

Men are usually the ones to leave the family home which must be really hard to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in one at present and it's soul destroying, many a night I've cried myself to sleep because I feel like I'm begging him just to show me some sort of affection.

I normally get told to shut up that's your tablets just making you see things again (I'm on anti depressants) and I get the covers patted down between us.

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By *mber GamblerCouple
over a year ago

rugby

I normally get told to shut up that's your tablets just making you see things again (I'm on anti depressants) and I get the covers patted down between us."

I don't like the sound of your relationship I'm sorry to say. I hope you have somebody to talk to so you know you're not going crazy.

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By *abby McFabfaceMan
over a year ago

Somerset

This in a nutshell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you.

Wow to this thread. I cant believe I've read and can relate to so much of it. 'Decent guy/woman just wants a bit of comfort and ends up on depraved sex site!' You couldn't make it up. It's a credit to FABs that it can host such an outpouring of genuine emotion. Makes me want to buy you all a drink and organise a big shindig. Certainly a change from all the other threads and best of luck to anyone in a one sided situation.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I stayed because I made a vow and I meant it. We should have ended it many years before we did, but that is why I refuse to go without sex now!

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By *ild_lustyMan
over a year ago

London

"This is such an interesting thread, the posts aren't totally surprising to me, but very interesting nevertheless. Thanks for posting.

I have pretty strong views on extra marital sex, but this question isn't to judge, I'd like to learn from you.

It's amazing to read this thread!

I relate so much with this situation - being in a sexless, yet loving relationship for a very long time, that feels complete in all respects but one.

I do not want to be the one trying to initiate physical intimacy (even a cuddle or hug is misunderstood and turned down, lest it leads to sex) all the time... and it does feel very lonely at times. However, I would not give up on this relationship for anything - kids being one factor, but other than that, I do truly value the companionship.

Did try broaching the subject of exploring or playing together with others, but she was aghast at the prospect of herself being involved.... though she did say she'd understand if I did something like that.

Despite that, being here gives one certain pangs, though it does help complete something that's missing otherwise. As a number of people have said before, it can feel lonely in a sexless relationship.... but it doesn't necessarily have to be sad!

Great to see I'm not the only one that goes through this roller-coaster of emotions while trying to retain some cheer, by being here on FAB...

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

"I'm in one at present and it's soul destroying, many a night I've cried myself to sleep because I feel like I'm begging him just to show me some sort of affection.

I normally get told to shut up that's your tablets just making you see things again (I'm on anti depressants) and I get the covers patted down between us."

Woman.... I want to make you feel like the most desired woman on this planet and fuck your brains out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's why I'm here xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well the ex wife seemed to only want to be with me occasionally when she had been drinking and the last straw was when I found her slogging my brother. It wasn't until after we'd split I found out she'd been enjoying men she'd picked up when she was out with her newly single female friend.

Best thing she ever did for me though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two weeks after the birth of my kids

I can't see it as a relationship I could manage to be in if its one where you are not having sex.

However, I understand that you can still be bound by love, friendship and caring...I would very much struggle without the intamacy too

Ruby"

My partner has been ill the last 2 years we have gone from having sex 4 or 5 times a day wherever we may be in the house lol. To may once every couple of months. It depends on how he feels or what his energy levels are like. It can be tough because it can sometimes make me feel unwanted. Especially when I find him on here or other sites chatting/flitting with other women.

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't always sexless relationships.

I don't want to have sex with someone because the feel they are doing there duty or however you want to put it. I want them to want me in the same way I want them, I also need a lot more than I get."

Snap, wife has completely lost interest in sex. Would go months without sex and I was getting increase my frustrated and wad affecting our relationship. She would say occasionally that I should get a fwb, but said no for a few years. Finally took her up on the option as have found a fwb where the sex is amazing. It has also improve relationship with wife as pressure for sex is off her and me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Incompatible sex needs and sexless marriages are a soul destroying thing"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for starting this thread - it's made me have a compassion for people in certain situations that I'd never really considered before x

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

4 years now

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

In my marraige in the end I hated his attitude towards me and the kids. I went three years - I just couldn't be near him sexually. I tried talking about it and wanted to go to relate. Thank god I finally asked him to leave. I then went 11yrs without as it left me feeling so unattractive. I then met N and a switch turned onto go !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/04/17 07:29:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 years and counting...apparently we are too old for that nonsense

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By *eppoMan
over a year ago

London Colney

"Two weeks after the birth of my kids

I can't see it as a relationship I could manage to be in if its one where you are not having sex.

However, I understand that you can still be bound by love, friendship and caring...I would very much struggle without the intamacy too

Ruby

Yes I've got a friend in exactly that position .. Her hubby has lost nigh on all interest in sex with her

Very frustrating / testing times

As much as she 'loves' / doesn't want to hurt him... She's got a high sex drive

So she's got quite a dilemma

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"2 years and counting...apparently we are too old for that nonsense

He must be mad, wouldn't be able to keep my hands of those legs

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By *r and Mrs DebaucheryCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

This thread has been an excellent one. Far too often married/attached people get slated and verbally abused on here but hopefully this will of shown why some people do resort to seeking extra marital sex. There is always a reason behind cheating, but some people are either too ignorant or too stupid to realise that it's never black and white.

I (Mrs D) was in a sexless relationship, I tried everything I could think of but he still rejected me and made derogatory comments about me. Thankfully I'm now with Mr D who is on my wavelength.

Well done OP for starting such a informative topic. Maybe the 'haters' on here may think twice before slating 'cheaters'.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?

Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?

And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?

Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?

And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ? "

I am at this very point now. After bringing this up again last week explaining how I felt in a calm controlled way I got the usual tirade of shouting etc.

I've basically told her the ball is in her court. I will not approach her for sex, stop sending dirty messages and pictures, no more feeling her up on the sofa. I'd she wants sex she should approach me. Cue Saturday night and she did, more out of guilt than anything and it was rubbish, could tell she didn't really want to and it left me feeling very unfulfilled.

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By *eppoMan
over a year ago

London Colney

"I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?

Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?

And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ? "

Great questions ...

Surely the abstainer must sense / realise the other half will look / be tempted elsewhere

Very difficult

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm also curious to know at what point does the partner who wants sex stop trying ?

Then what impact does that have on the other person. Is the person relieved? Or maybe worried that their partner is now cheating? Does it make them feel unwanted/loved?

And I wonder, what becomes routine without sex, can it be recovered ?

I am at this very point now. After bringing this up again last week explaining how I felt in a calm controlled way I got the usual tirade of shouting etc.

It's got to start somewhere though. Maybe over time things will become more spontaneous and enjoyable for you both. In the meantime she has made an effort. She might feel she's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't.

Good luck.

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