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Prior activity gets you???

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Is it usual to assume that prior contact or activity with a couple means that you're always welcome and able to join in with them at a club?

We have met and played with people at clubs who were nice for the night, but the next time we walked in they hooked onto us like limpets and worse, started touching without checking first.

We like to play with different people and seldom hook up with prior partners.

What's the etiquette? I feel rude saying no, but I'd never date to presume I was welcome again without discussing it first.

Also, what's the deal with people who you replied to a couple of times in a non flirty sexual way in messages thinking that because you bump into each other at a club that it's ok to launch themselves at us. There's a reason we didn't carry on messaging.

We try not to be rude and usually politely declinen but we are made to feel rude.

Are we wrong?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ugh, forgive my spelling.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I think its different for different people. Many on here say they like regular friends, but I would shudder at that. I want to keep the swinging side of my life anonymous and far away from any friendship. I think perhaps make it clear from the start that is how you play?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, not wrong. Surely a discreet word that you're not looking to play with them on this occasion would suffice?

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

It's annoying, and one of the reasons we have been avoiding some clubs.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Is it usual to assume that prior contact or activity with a couple means that you're always welcome and able to join in with them at a club?

We have met and played with people at clubs who were nice for the night, but the next time we walked in they hooked onto us like limpets and worse, started touching without checking first.

We like to play with different people and seldom hook up with prior partners.

What's the etiquette? I feel rude saying no, but I'd never date to presume I was welcome again without discussing it first.

Also, what's the deal with people who you replied to a couple of times in a non flirty sexual way in messages thinking that because you bump into each other at a club that it's ok to launch themselves at us. There's a reason we didn't carry on messaging.

We try not to be rude and usually politely declinen but we are made to feel rude.

Are we wrong?"

No you aren't wrong. Time and again I read that the issue of consent is either misunderstood or wilfully ignored.

Its your body, you decide who touches it and who with, when and where you're involved in any sexual activity. The rude people are the ones that touch without consent.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think its different for different people. Many on here say they like regular friends, but I would shudder at that. I want to keep the swinging side of my life anonymous and far away from any friendship. I think perhaps make it clear from the start that is how you play?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks. I was getting fed up with I all.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thanks. I was getting fed up with I all. "

Yeah I understand. If everyone adhered to the one guideline "no sexual activity without consent" there would be no confusion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks. I never thought about it from a consent angle. Every sexual contact must be consensual. Every time. Regardless of whether we played before.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thanks. I never thought about it from a consent angle. Every sexual contact must be consensual. Every time. Regardless of whether we played before. "

Yep. It solves a lot of problems and nobody can say "I thought it would be ok" because everyone would know it isn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks. I was getting fed up with I all.

Yeah I understand. If everyone adhered to the one guideline "no sexual activity without consent" there would be no confusion."

I'm a firm believer in 'never without permission', so I always require a crystal clear invitation, before I'm happy participating - regardless of what might've gone before.

My most recent club visit, was with close friends / prior playmates - yet still waited for an unmistakeable signal, to join in the fun. No assumptions.

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By *op gooserMan
over a year ago

chester


"Is it usual to assume that prior contact or activity with a couple means that you're always welcome and able to join in with them at a club?

We have met and played with people at clubs who were nice for the night, but the next time we walked in they hooked onto us like limpets and worse, started touching without checking first.

We like to play with different people and seldom hook up with prior partners.

What's the etiquette? I feel rude saying no, but I'd never date to presume I was welcome again without discussing it first.

Also, what's the deal with people who you replied to a couple of times in a non flirty sexual way in messages thinking that because you bump into each other at a club that it's ok to launch themselves at us. There's a reason we didn't carry on messaging.

We try not to be rude and usually politely declinen but we are made to feel rude.

Are we wrong?"
You are a banker for them and they feel like their check has bounced no you are not rude people shouldn't assume anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ooh no I wouldn't like that we like new things and certainly don't like pushy or clingy folk

Ruby

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