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No pressure, no expectations

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Is this possible?

To become friends with someone, to enjoy hanging out with them socially, and to also mess around with them, all in a relationship in which there is no pressure or expectation from one to the other for anything more?

True NSA I guess?

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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i've had this with guys but not from fab. i do think most guys are very aware they don't want a relationship, or are emotionally dead, or just don't like me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm curious about it as having just tried it with someone, emotion got in the way. Neither of us wanted that to happen, but it did and now we've gone our seperate ways.

I'm not upset that our fun ended, by which I mean, it was right to stop something that wasn't working so it's hard to be upset at the right decision.

But can it be done? A proper NSA casual hook up friendship that involves socialising as well as messing around?

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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yes. i have done this before i had kids and after, even had my friend became a part of my family and would take the kids out to the park with me, we had a lot of fun and it was really nice.

i don't actually understand how having feelings for each other can fuck that up either? if you both like each other more then have a relationship on your own terms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It might depend on the reasons why a normal relationship isn't wanted. Regular honest communication...and not relying on one pairing.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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to add to the feelings bit, i think it's more normal to see someone often and be their friend and care for them and develop something for them.

i kinda hate the way everyone thinks people are here to be used for entertainment and self pleasure and no-one gets anything in return for that.

it's why a lot of guys talk shit but don't follow through also.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I think it's v tricky to get the balance. In my case I got too attached and it added a pressure and expectation that wasn't wanted and so things went the way they did.

I feel like I've been having this internal conversation for a while now about how to have a friendship that includes sex, but isn't a be all and end all happy ever after affair.

Hmmmm

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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that makes sense now. i don't think it's the feelings so much, more how you reacted to them? or she did?

i can see how 2 people not being compatible, as in wanting the same things, can make that hard also.

i didn't find it hard with my friend to not have expectations, it did feel more like a relationship though except always in that first stage where you were always happy and nothing put you off each other because you couldn't piss each other off by having expectations and being let down but we met really often as he wasn't far away.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We met 5 times and there was just something fun and exciting about her. We ended up talking a lot over text and had a great time when we met up. I think for the last 6/7 weeks I spoke to her more than anyone else I knew and found I wanted to talk to her all the time.

I guess it's just v tricksy to get the balance right.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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yeah. don't let anyone take up all your time if you can help it coz you can end up dependent on them at some point as you're used to having them 'around' and you'll feel more lonely if you stop speaking to each other.

i used to meet that guy very often, for overnight and things like that so when we were together we were focused on each other and slotted into each others lives, but did other stuff when not together. i personally think it's more healthy that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I guess it's just v tricksy to get the balance right. "

It definitely is

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yeah, I felt a good connection with her, but c'est la vie, back to the drawing board.

It kinda sucks being a nice guy on fab, v hard to find the keepers, the really genuine people that you click with. It's not limited to being a nice guy, I think it's the same do all nice people on Fab. Am contemplating leaving as a result of recent events though. Hmmmph

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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most people don't wanna be kept i think. they want the benefits mostly, friends can sometimes happen too. there are givers and takers who'll take advantage, rather than it being nice is the problem.

hide your profile and take a break?

i delete though when things get too much for me and it feels better to restart a new profile and try again differently from last time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Maybe...

We'll see, but it can be hard to give it up. I hid my profile over the weekend and unhid it yesterday.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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well don't rush anything.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/03/17 00:49:41]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Lesson learnt

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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maybe not, but it's ok to fuck up some more. i do it all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had this for about four years with someone I met on fab. We both kept our own profiles and continued to have our individual fun.

We lived in the same town....actually about 400 yds away. She got to know my sister, went shopping together etc. I used to give her daughter lifts occasionally. We spent weekends away in her caravan. She even asked to put me as her next of kin when she did a college course. We had keys to each other's places.

We never had any intention of a "relationship" and it worked. We did always know that at some point she would move away....she has, and has left fab too. We now communicate occasionally by text.

.

I now have another "friend". Again, no expectations and we have separate accounts (I started a new profile as I closed my old one just over a year ago). We see other people here (and elsewhere) for fun. We are going on holiday together and again my friend has become friends with my sister. I've met her family (sisters and brother...as a friend)

.

It CAN work....with the right people, but is isn't for everyone. It really does mean having no expectations.....but if things do change, and they change for BOTH of you...then that may not be a problem either?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Lol, you're probably right,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's hard to not develop some fellings especially when there is a connection. It depends on the circumstances of both of you,there should be a discussion with the cards on the table when you start to meet more often.

You have to ask yourself if you are really looking only for Nsa fun or you are looking for company or affection.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I've had that kind of thing before a couple of times. When you find if it's what you both want it's a perfect arrangement. You have to realise that's it's not going to be really long term

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It's an odd one as I really didn't want more, but it kinda went that I did, although I know a relationship was exactly what I wasn't after.

We did the cards thing, and it all got a bit weird. I've no regrets and neither did anything wrong, it just wasn't right.

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

It can happen. My FWB of almost two years have had our ups and downs but he's now one of my best friends. We hang out sometimes with no sexy fun at all, text a lot and I'd never want more from him nor me, him. It took a while to get the balance right but with communication, it can work

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Guess it's getting to that point though, the beginnings of a FWB relationship are the trickiest waters to navigate as you both work out the dynamic. In this case it didn't work, but hopefully with another it will

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By *eppoMan
over a year ago

London Colney

Yes it's very hard for emotions not to develop regardless of intentions at the beginning

I guess it's best to just try to enjoy the moments while they're there

And try to keep ur head where it should be

It's not easy

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Why deny the emotion,I should probably read all the thread before asking that?

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By *eppoMan
over a year ago

London Colney

Lol

U might

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course it's possible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's possible. As long as both are open and honest about how they feel.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I felt too much and it broke the delicate balance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this possible?

To become friends with someone, to enjoy hanging out with them socially, and to also mess around with them, all in a relationship in which there is no pressure or expectation from one to the other for anything more?

True NSA I guess?"

True NSA for me doesn't involve hanging out as friends and getting involved in each other's lives apart from when we meet for sex. It's still possible to like that other person, but It doesn't matter that we don't communicate all the time. We chat now and then. We meet up for fantastic sex and have a laugh and a catch up. Then we go back to our lives. There are no feelings about taking it anywhere it's more about enjoying what it is. There's no pressure to turn it into something else. We know that one day it'll fizzle into nothing. And that's fine. I think when you start behaving like real friends and hanging out just for companionship then that is when it's far too easy for lines to get blurred. Just my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is this possible?

To become friends with someone, to enjoy hanging out with them socially, and to also mess around with them, all in a relationship in which there is no pressure or expectation from one to the other for anything more?

True NSA I guess?

True NSA for me doesn't involve hanging out as friends and getting involved in each other's lives apart from when we meet for sex. It's still possible to like that other person, but It doesn't matter that we don't communicate all the time. We chat now and then. We meet up for fantastic sex and have a laugh and a catch up. Then we go back to our lives. There are no feelings about taking it anywhere it's more about enjoying what it is. There's no pressure to turn it into something else. We know that one day it'll fizzle into nothing. And that's fine. I think when you start behaving like real friends and hanging out just for companionship then that is when it's far too easy for lines to get blurred. Just my opinion. "

Very valid points and it was that which ruined our thing I think. It was a departure from my usual MO with Fab and I got hurt from it as the lines blurred v quickly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this possible?

To become friends with someone, to enjoy hanging out with them socially, and to also mess around with them, all in a relationship in which there is no pressure or expectation from one to the other for anything more?

True NSA I guess?"

If I like someone enough to want to hang around with and spend time with that person and have sex with them? Then I'd rather just have a relationship with that person. Even if its just a casual monogamous one and if its grows to something deeper then so be it and if it doesn't then thats ok too.

If I'm having sex with a person and spending time with them on a regular basis then I wouldn't want either of us to be having sex with other people.

Thats just how I prefer it but understand its not what everyone would prefer.

Its all about doing what both parties are comfortable with and having agreed boundaries

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It can happen. My FWB of almost two years have had our ups and downs but he's now one of my best friends. We hang out sometimes with no sexy fun at all, text a lot and I'd never want more from him nor me, him. It took a while to get the balance right but with communication, it can work "

You have a great face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forgot to add....the two ladies I wrote about also knew each other and had met a few times through me. H even occasionally asks about L and if I'm keeping in touch. Maybe being so open kept things on track?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I got too attached and it added a pressure and expectation that wasn't wanted and so things went the way they did."

It sounds like you've stumbled across emotional needs you may have been denying or neglecting.

To attempt an NSA type of relationship long-term everyone involved has to manage their own emotions, desires, expectations, without projecting things or hoping the other person will continue providing to their need and desire. It is a lot of work to learn to stay in the moment, and there's A LOT of conditioned behaviour that needs to be questioned and unlearned. No wonder most people choose "strictly casual or monogamy".

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Projecting is the key word there I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only ever had one friends with benefit. It didn't work out. He wanted more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Would the women here say that it tends to be the guys that want more from the FWB setup?

Curious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"to add to the feelings bit, i think it's more normal to see someone often and be their friend and care for them and develop something for them.

i kinda hate the way everyone thinks people are here to be used for entertainment and self pleasure and no-one gets anything in return for that.

it's why a lot of guys talk shit but don't follow through also."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a relationship for a year with the most lovely person. We worked together and became great friends. Some of the best times were spent just being in each ohers company. Sex was pretty good. And we never became emotionally attached. It was great. This was about ten years ago, we remain friends.

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