FabSwingers.com forum: BDSM - where's the line?

By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

Some discussion and arguments over BDSM and what it is and whether what one considers dominance another doesn't.

What's it to you? Do you consider yourself into BDSM or just kinky sex?

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By *ouble_The_DelightCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield

We are a BDSM 24/7 D/s not just into kinky sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as it safe sane and consensual then really is think it's up to the parties involved.

Personally I like Bdsm it's something that's in me....not just for the sex but the mental aspect too, daily tasks,being respectful to your Dominant, this is the thing that gets me going the most....anyone can have kinky sex.

It takes someone who knows what there doing who understands the lifestyle and dynamics whilst listening their sumissive/slave/pet for their needs and desires etc.

This and then only this can be described as Bdsm. But this saying whatever dynamic you have with your partner there IS no right or wrong way it is whatever works for you both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not bdsm or Swinger. Both camps seem elitist.

Kinky sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We like to think we like the bdsm scene but being quite new to it are still a bit wary. Is it or does it always have the potential to be a search for a new 'high'. Stretching boundaries is always fun but also sometimes scary wondering if it's too far.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we're very much into bdsm meets but when attending clubs we let that slide to just whatever gets us going there and then, we feel its good to mix it up and just go with it, a great time doesn't have to be confined to one thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both for me. I believe( for myself anyway) the Dom/ sub thing is either in you naturally or not. I'm a sub but couldn't be that 24/7 but I'd I don't do it I start to crave it. As for kinky sex depends on what ones idea of normal is. I thought my idea of vanilla was just that until a friend pointed out the other day what's vanilla for me isn't for most. Eak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As long as it safe sane and consensual then really is think it's up to the parties involved.

It takes someone who knows what there doing who understands the lifestyle and dynamics whilst listening their sumissive/slave/pet for their needs and desires etc.

This and then only this can be described as Bdsm. But this saying whatever dynamic you have with your partner there IS no right or wrong way it is whatever works for you both.

Exactly this. It's not all about sex. D/s relationships vary from couple to couple. Same as the levels of kink. It is all about what works for those involved. For some what I like and give permission for might be seen as tame and some things to me are extreme, neither are wrong. Just each persons preference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess some of the stuff I am into can be classed as BDSM practices but I'm definitely not into the D/S side of things..

I just enjoy it so I would say I'm just a bit kinky

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I consider myself as having been interested and involved in the BDSM scene. Now, I'm not so much. I haven't spoken to or met anyone who has interested me enough to indulge in that side of myself for some time. Not sure where that places me? Probably kinky.

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By *evils-couple13Couple
over a year ago

Neath

We've been into BDSM for two years,it's not 24/7 however

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By *otForSoftiesWoman
over a year ago

The North / Party Hard Everywhere

"I consider myself as having been interested and involved in the BDSM scene. Now, I'm not so much. I haven't spoken to or met anyone who has interested me enough to indulge in that side of myself for some time. Not sure where that places me? Probably kinky."

Get your sexy arse to Heathrow Dungeon Zone at abfab and I'll get you back into it

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By *tephanie19631TV/TS
over a year ago

oxford

I like to include a bit in play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

D is not just for dominance in Bdsm, it is also for discipline.

As Bdsm is a collective umbrella term, the spectrum of activities is vast and some relationships do not require any sub/dom role to partake in activities that fall somewhere on the spectrum.

As others have said: each person, each couple, each scenario and each scene are all different. In addition, the gratification we each receive from these activities is different from each others. It's sometimes different when we replay that particular event too.

Thats my experience and understanding anyway... As always, love reading other fabber's point of views.

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton

24/7 D/s here. It involves kinky sex, but it's not just sex. Not really concerned with how anyone else defines things tbh. As long as all parties involved are enjoying themselves, have at it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it to be just a label. Each "kinky" relationship is unique with its own rules and limits just the same as a "vanilla" one does.

Whatever works for the people involved is what's right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The line is where I say it is.

I don't involve myself in any scene, or look for approval that I'm doing something the correct way.

When I meet someone who dominates me, we do what we both need, enjoy, get a thrill out of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark."

I've never had a safe word.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

I've never had a safe word. "

Nor me. If I needed or felt the need to have one I'm clearly playing with the wrong Dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

I've never had a safe word. "

You should do.

Even I have a safe word and I'm NOT submissive.

My safe word is for when I feel the boundaries are being pushed and I'm not comfortable pushing it further, I'll say my safe word and if no response comes back, I take that to mean that boundary is ready to be broken OR she now wants to go past my comfort zone.

I've only had to use my own safe word once, because I felt it to be a bit too far, but she was happy to carry on.

It's about safely pushing boundaries...knowing each other.

Knowing what's ok and what's not and what's ready to pushed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

I've never had a safe word.

Nor me. If I needed or felt the need to have one I'm clearly playing with the wrong Dom. "

That's fucking dangerous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

I've never had a safe word.

You should do.

Even I have a safe word and I'm NOT submissive.

I've only had to use my own safe word once, because I felt it to be a bit too far, but she was happy to carry on.

It's about safely pushing boundaries...knowing each other.

Knowing what's ok and what's not and what's ready to pushed.

Knowing someone, body language and no/ enough/ stop also work wonders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

I've never had a safe word.

You should do.

Even I have a safe word and I'm NOT submissive.

I've only had to use my own safe word once, because I felt it to be a bit too far, but she was happy to carry on.

It's about safely pushing boundaries...knowing each other.

Knowing what's ok and what's not and what's ready to pushed.

He knows what things are dangerous. If something gets too painful for me a pat on the head/shoulder or whatever is enough. Some days my body can take more pain than others, and it's not all about sex, pain or danger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

I've never had a safe word.

You should do.

Even I have a safe word and I'm NOT submissive.

I've only had to use my own safe word once, because I felt it to be a bit too far, but she was happy to carry on.

It's about safely pushing boundaries...knowing each other.

Knowing what's ok and what's not and what's ready to pushed.

Knowing someone, body language and no/ enough/ stop also work wonders. "

Exactly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

I've never had a safe word.

You should do.

Even I have a safe word and I'm NOT submissive.

I've only had to use my own safe word once, because I felt it to be a bit too far, but she was happy to carry on.

It's about safely pushing boundaries...knowing each other.

Knowing what's ok and what's not and what's ready to pushed.

Knowing someone, body language and no/ enough/ stop also work wonders. "

"No", "enough" and "stop" are generally safe words.

I can't go on Body Language alone.

I know that because someone I meet semi-regularly asked me why I stopped.

I said your body language told me to stop.

Her response was "Did I use my Safe word?"..

She didn't use it. And told me I was wrong to stop. (yes a sub can and should voice her opinion).

That's a violation of trust right there on my part.

I didn't trust her to use her safe word, when I should have done.

Trust is massive in this.

Trust takes on many forms, this was one of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

I've never had a safe word.

You should do.

Even I have a safe word and I'm NOT submissive.

I've only had to use my own safe word once, because I felt it to be a bit too far, but she was happy to carry on.

It's about safely pushing boundaries...knowing each other.

Knowing what's ok and what's not and what's ready to pushed.

Knowing someone, body language and no/ enough/ stop also work wonders.

"No", "enough" and "stop" are generally safe words.

I can't go on Body Language alone.

I know that because someone I meet semi-regularly asked me why I stopped.

I said your body language told me to stop.

Her response was "Did I use my Safe word?"..

She didn't use it. And told me I was wrong to stop. (yes a sub can and should voice her opinion).

That's a violation of trust right there on my part.

I didn't trust her to use her safe word, when I should have done.

Trust is massive in this.

Trust takes on many forms, this was one of them."

Very true. I think he D/s relationships are and each to their own anyway . I've been very lucky with the Doms I've played with. Only disasters I've ever had are funny ones. I.e. Sex swing snapping off door.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"BDSM - where's the line?

The line is wherever it's mutually drawn.

It's subjective, what's too much for some, is fine for others.

You should have a safe word, but when both parties know where the line is, the safe word is almost redundant.

If safe word is used, imo, someone has overstepped the mark.

I've never had a safe word.

You should do.

Even I have a safe word and I'm NOT submissive.

I've only had to use my own safe word once, because I felt it to be a bit too far, but she was happy to carry on.

It's about safely pushing boundaries...knowing each other.

Knowing what's ok and what's not and what's ready to pushed.

Knowing someone, body language and no/ enough/ stop also work wonders.

"No", "enough" and "stop" are generally safe words.

I can't go on Body Language alone.

I know that because someone I meet semi-regularly asked me why I stopped.

I said your body language told me to stop.

Her response was "Did I use my Safe word?"..

She didn't use it. And told me I was wrong to stop. (yes a sub can and should voice her opinion).

That's a violation of trust right there on my part.

I didn't trust her to use her safe word, when I should have done.

Trust is massive in this.

Trust takes on many forms, this was one of them."

They aren't safe words if you haven't had a discussion before about using a safe word.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's either in you or not it's a huge part of my life

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Interesting question and one to which I don't think there is any single correct answer, one person's BDSM will be another's kink play, and even within the same relationship there may be times when play is considered D/s or BDSM, and times when the same type of play is considered "kink" dependent on the circumstances.

Have always taken the view that so long as something conforms to the usual SS&C rules, and everyone involved knows those rules as well as individual limits etc., then why the need to label it as such? Especially given the broad spectrum of definition of what is or isn't BDSM, kink, D/s etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's either in you or not it's a huge part of my life "

Same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They aren't safe words if you haven't had a discussion before about using a safe word. "

A discussion shouldn't be needed with those words.,

They are self explanatory and should be recognised as a signal to stop by anyone who hears it.

This is my last post on this thread, but anyone willing to engage in this sort of play WITHOUT a safe word is treading a very dangerous line.

This sort of play can cause serious physical, emotional or even worse Psychological damage.

I wouldn't want to be responsible for any of that especially if someone has essentially placed a huge amount of trust in my hands.

It's my duty to make sure I know what's going on.

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By *orwegian BlueMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

Bdsm is as it says,

Bondage, domination, sadism, masochism..

You can enjoy any of those as part of sex play or you can pursue it as a lifestyle.

There is no definitive devision between it being just kinky sex or full on, it is what it is..

It's like driving a car, whether you drive at 5mph or 120mph, you are still driving a car, just how far you want to take it is your own personal preference...

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