FabSwingers.com forum: On whos terms

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm only asking a question here so please don't abuse lol

I have found through reading a lot of profiles that meeting is usually down to the females terms. Has anyone met, or know anyone who has met under the males terms.

It just seems to be a female driven thing to meet on their terms.

And by asking this I'm excluding gay or bi men and gay and bi men couples.

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By *harliebbwWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Why exclude them

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Because I wanted to know on guys meeting females

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

In my experience the terms are usually mutually agreed. Likes, dislikes, location etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What are you actually asking?

What have you considered?

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By *oisineandAlCouple
over a year ago

limerick

you meet on each others terms. it is a give and take, an understanding of like minds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry, don't understand what you're asking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm only asking a question here so please don't abuse lol

I have found through reading a lot of profiles that meeting is usually down to the females terms. Has anyone met, or know anyone who has met under the males terms.

It just seems to be a female driven thing to meet on their terms.

And by asking this I'm excluding gay or bi men and gay and bi men couples.

Strange you state the last paragraph when your oen profile says(quote)...

'Couples (MF) Couples (MM) Couples (FF) Men Women TV/TS

Ian

43 years old

Bi-curious

???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry how I should have put it is in some females profiles they state what they want etc. Now in an ideal world it should be a mutual meeting between both parties and I don't want to sound funny or anything but it seems a lot of women want all the attention put on them

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm only asking a question here so please don't abuse lol

I have found through reading a lot of profiles that meeting is usually down to the females terms. Has anyone met, or know anyone who has met under the males terms.

It just seems to be a female driven thing to meet on their terms.

And by asking this I'm excluding gay or bi men and gay and bi men couples.

Strange you state the last paragraph when your oen profile says(quote)...

'Couples (MF) Couples (MM) Couples (FF) Men Women TV/TS

Ian

43 years old

Bi-curious

???"

I've had more caring male lovers than female ones

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah, that's because they can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience the terms are usually mutually agreed. Likes, dislikes, location etc."

this

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By *ade_of_StarsCouple
over a year ago

Whitburn

We'd consider any meet a negotiation. Has to work for everyone involved.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Why exclude them "

Yeah!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ah, that's because they can."

But surely this is not right. It should work both ways

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We'd consider any meet a negotiation. Has to work for everyone involved. "

Totally agree with you

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Ah, that's because they can.

But surely this is not right. It should work both ways"

It will continue as long as men comply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Damn that was meant to be

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"I'm only asking a question here so please don't abuse lol

I have found through reading a lot of profiles that meeting is usually down to the females terms. Has anyone met, or know anyone who has met under the males terms.

It just seems to be a female driven thing to meet on their terms.

And by asking this I'm excluding gay or bi men and gay and bi men couples.

Not quite sure what you mean but I do know that personally I've zero interest in meeting anyone willing to act like a puppet on a string!

The men I meet tend to do very well on the site and I doubt they'd 'dance to my tune' even if I wanted them to!

I have great meets with great guys, and we both get to decide what, when and where!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah, that's because they can.

But surely this is not right. It should work both ways"

It does on a meet. It's just on profiles that some people come across as mad dictators. They're all pussycats in real life. Well, most of them.

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

Is this a backwards way of saying we should just be glad of the attention. We should take up all offers regardless of attraction, logistics and general wanting??

If its not a mutual thing then there's no point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I put what I'm looking for on my profile. If a man sees that and decides it's him he messages me.

That's how it's supposed to work.

I don't have terms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs Freespirit is always the ultimate arbiter over who we meet and really the whole thing is very much on her terms. As a gentleman, I wouldn't want it any other way.

I'd say the same is true of most swinging couples so well done... you're starting to get to grips with what the scene really is (female empowered) rather than what many men starting out think it is (female disempowered)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah, that's because they can.

But surely this is not right. It should work both ways

It will continue as long as men comply."

Yep to all of the above.

You're asking a practical question, OP. Not a normative one.

Normatively, a meeting should be on everyone's terms. But because of real circumstances, it doesn't always happen like this practically. And that's where the answers above come in.

Just don't entertain people who want you to meet on their terms when their terms contradict with your own. Simple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always meet on my terms, but never to the detriment of the guy I'm with. Yes, I control the location and length of the meet, but on the basis that it's mutually convenient and enjoyable. I actively dissuade men from travelling for miles to meet me, but as long as they're perfectly happy to do so I'll let them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I put what I'm looking for on my profile. If a man sees that and decides it's him he messages me.

That's how it's supposed to work.

I don't have terms."

Exactly. Surely everyone should say what they're looking for on their profile. It's then up to the man or woman who decides to message them if the terms are agreeable to them. Nobody is forcing anyone to change their terms.

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By *FFB69Woman
over a year ago

Torfaen/Gwent

"I put what I'm looking for on my profile. If a man sees that and decides it's him he messages me.

That's how it's supposed to work.

I don't have terms."

Same. I have what I do/don't like on my profile. And so do plenty of guys. That's the whole point of a profile is it not? So people read it and then message if they think they meet the other persons wants?

Though I get many messages where the person has clearly not read my profile.

I don't think it's only women who have "demands" on their profiles.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ah, that's because they can.

But surely this is not right. It should work both ways

It will continue as long as men comply.

Yep to all of the above.

You're asking a practical question, OP. Not a normative one.

Normatively, a meeting should be on everyone's terms. But because of real circumstances, it doesn't always happen like this practically. And that's where the answers above come in.

Just don't entertain people who want you to meet on their terms when their terms contradict with your own. Simple."

Thank you xx that's the answer I was looking for

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"you meet on each others terms. it is a give and take, an understanding of like minds "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this a backwards way of saying we should just be glad of the attention. We should take up all offers regardless of attraction, logistics and general wanting??

If its not a mutual thing then there's no point.

Not at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We'd consider any meet a negotiation. Has to work for everyone involved. "

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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago

Limerick

"I put what I'm looking for on my profile. If a man sees that and decides it's him he messages me.

That's how it's supposed to work.

I don't have terms."

Agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah, that's because they can.

But surely this is not right. It should work both ways"

Absolutely.

It should be mutual agreement, whatever sexual preference, or types, fabsters have.

But we don't live in a fair equal world, and fab profiles, can be quite harsh and demanding, with requirements.

That's Fab life!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm only asking a question here so please don't abuse lol

I have found through reading a lot of profiles that meeting is usually down to the females terms. Has anyone met, or know anyone who has met under the males terms.

It just seems to be a female driven thing to meet on their terms.

And by asking this I'm excluding gay or bi men and gay and bi men couples.

When I meet people it's under *both* our terms.

I don't dictate, and I don't expect them to dictate.

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By *onnyJohnMan
over a year ago

Doncaster

I think any meet irrespective of who it is between should be mutually agreed and any party I think has the right to either decline or stop the meet..

I regards to say a couple meeting a guy or a lady meeting a guy then I believe the lady in both circumstances has the last say be it yay or nay and that's as it should be and it should be respected...

Perhaps I'm just old fashioned in that respect but its just my opinion and as such not worth feck all, the same as everyone else's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So just avoid those that dictate terms. Plenty don't. Problem solved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My only terms about meeting are that I like to meet in hotels, near to where I live (unless I'm travelling with work). I assume that those who are not happy with these terms don't message me. Likewise I don't message those whose terms I don't like, so for everyone else we meet in the middle on terms we're both happy with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think any meet irrespective of who it is between should be mutually agreed and any party I think has the right to either decline or stop the meet..

Perhaps I'm just old fashioned in that respect but its just my opinion and as such not worth feck all, the same as everyone else's.

I believe that men have as much right to say yes or know as women do.

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By *onnyJohnMan
over a year ago

Doncaster

"I think any meet irrespective of who it is between should be mutually agreed and any party I think has the right to either decline or stop the meet..

Perhaps I'm just old fashioned in that respect but its just my opinion and as such not worth feck all, the same as everyone else's.

I believe that men have as much right to say yes or know as women do."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My profile has plenty of terms - mainly just looking for bi men. Why? Because I'm here for my fun. I'm not here to fulfill others fantasies. Sure if people don't like that then please don't message me.

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

"My profile has plenty of terms - mainly just looking for bi men. Why? Because I'm here for my fun. I'm not here to fulfill others fantasies. Sure if people don't like that then please don't message me."

Men have every right to choose to message or not.

Just as I message men who I like, they have a choice to engage or not and I have to respect their decision.

Works both ways

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Men have every right to choose to message or not.

Just as I message men who I like, they have a choice to engage or not and I have to respect their decision.

Works both ways"

This

If you don't like the way someone meets ,ie socials or not accomodating etc then move on to the next person.It's not just women though,couples and I'm sure some men do stick to their preferences and are switching their rights to do so.

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry how I should have put it is in some females profiles they state what they want etc. Now in an ideal world it should be a mutual meeting between both parties and I don't want to sound funny or anything but it seems a lot of women want all the attention put on them"
i dont want to meet guys out side of a club... to be fair i dont like private meets where we go to someone else full stop... so we meet mostly at clubs because thats what I'm comfortable with.

No one has to meet us so surely we are all meeting to suit our needs. X

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

...and?!!

The beauty of a profile is it enables you to exclude those not looking for the same thing as you. To state "it's not right" about someone's meet criteria because you don't agree with it smacks of entitlement and petulance.

Most want to meet "like minded people". If what's on offer doesn't suit you, move on to the next one!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I put what I'm looking for on my profile. If a man sees that and decides it's him he messages me.

That's how it's supposed to work.

I don't have terms."

Exactly!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I put what I'm looking for on my profile. If a man sees that and decides it's him he messages me.

That's how it's supposed to work.

I don't have terms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are terms of meeting & then there are jumping though hoops demands.

Both are either acceptable or not depending on if you wish to meet that person. You have a choice to comply, negotiate terms that suit or walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are terms of meeting & then there are jumping though hoops demands.

Both are either acceptable or not depending on if you wish to meet that person. You have a choice to comply, negotiate terms that suit or walk away."

Please tell me you'll be on the next series of the Apprentice!

You'd spice that show up a bit, with those Negotiator skills

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm only asking a question here so please don't abuse lol

I have found through reading a lot of profiles that meeting is usually down to the females terms. Has anyone met, or know anyone who has met under the males terms.

It just seems to be a female driven thing to meet on their terms.

And by asking this I'm excluding gay or bi men and gay and bi men couples.

A conclusion come to by both parties xx

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"I put what I'm looking for on my profile. If a man sees that and decides it's him he messages me.

That's how it's supposed to work.

I don't have terms."

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Mine

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By *oisineandAlCouple
over a year ago

limerick

but aren't you doing the same thing. It is about respect with both parties. I know what I want. We know what we want. Its not about what he wants or what I want. It is a mutual pleasure.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It takes two to tango.

If you're not communicating effectively op, consider a different approach

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By *andi_shopWoman
over a year ago

rotherham

Ah, that's because they can.

But surely this is not right. It should work both ways"

So you should put what you want etc on your profile, goes for both sexes, then you compromise on dates, places etc

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