FabSwingers.com forum: Feeling judged

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just curious... when Mr and I first met we were both very active on meeting.. both together and seperately. I only really met for gb and gg stuff and he liked a mix..

But at the start when we were first meeting as a couple.. many other ladies and couples commented that they didnt want to meet as I ( cali) was a gb girl...

The hypocrisy was my partner was going to gb too and actually before he closed his original singles account had as many verifications as me.. and I knew he had met more than that.. yet it was me couples didnt want to meet because i was overly promiscuous.

Another comment to come from those early days was that Mr obviously wasnt enough for me if I needed these group sessions all the time.

So pretty much I began to refuse to do them... and now its got where I always feel that if we behave as we did at the start.. ( which we were having loads of fun) that people will still judge and still not see us as a legitimate couple...

Silly logic I know as been together almost 4 year's now...

But does anyone else find that over time other's negative _iews impact how you are... or am I just being silly.

I rarely even do group stuff now when mr encourages it..not because i don't enjoy it but because i feel it gives off the wrong impression and affects our chances of meeting couples together x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having read lots of your posts in the past Cali, I'm surprised by this post as you are always very positive, but I totally get what you are saying.....it's very easy to be judged , especially on a site like this.....and on occasion it does get to you....ands a guy on here it would be great if people would look beyond the guy thing and the stigma attached. And try to get to know the person behind the profile.

I hope that makes sense lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who give a duck let them judge it's up to you hoe you use the site go have fun!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck*

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Having read lots of your posts in the past Cali, I'm surprised by this post as you are always very positive, but I totally get what you are saying.....it's very easy to be judged , especially on a site like this.....and on occasion it does get to you....ands a guy on here it would be great if people would look beyond the guy thing and the stigma attached. And try to get to know the person behind the profile.

I hope that makes sense lol.

"
yeah even mr is a little shocked that things affect me but despite my hard external front.. I am subject to normal emotions too.

I just feel that if I am more the me that I was.. that its a little inappropriate. I do enjoy meeting couples together and having a more varied experience now but I always feel I must behave more like a partner and less like a slut.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one and seldom are they a thing of beauty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do what's right for you, do you love these people you meet , no. Are they supposed to be fun and like minded, yes. But everyone has their own thoughts and will or won't judge....but don't let it dominate or affect what you and your man get up to or share with people....it's your business and you will have more fun with people who are happy to accept who you are, than spending time explaining yourself to people who shouldn't be judging you in the first place .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one and seldom are they a thing of beauty.

Live your life the way you want too. The couples who don't want to meet because your into gb are probably just to scared they will have too much fun. I always thought that this scene was supposed to be judgement free..."
been here long enough to know that sadly judgements are all over... it just knocks you. Now okay when we met prehaps I was over compensating a little for feeling unwanted but I tamed down.. and pulled back... and now am about as tame as a mouse.. but not because my partner requests it at all but because things others have said or done have meant I feel I am constantly having to think about how my actions reflect on us x

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

Face it: we're women. We are supposed to love sex--but only within the confines of a committed relationship with one man.

We are still judged f0r being raped or "choosing" to stay in an abusive relationship.

We can sip wine or fancy cocktails but cause shock if we prefer pints or whisky.

This is 2017 right???? In some areas only, I think. We STILL are judged when our preferences go against the norm.

SO--we have the choice of either caring what others think or doing what we like and letting others form their own opinions.

I try to go with the concept of: What anyone thinks of me is none of my business.

If changing your life for others' approval suits your lifestyle, no harm done, but if it makes you act in a way that's not you, you're only losing your own enjoyment in life (generic "you" there, not specific to OP).

"Well behaved women seldom make history."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You really should t worry about what other people think about you. It's your life to live how you want.

It will put some people off, and others won't. Focus on the positive people and forget the rest.

I'm judged harshly for being a "cheater", do I let it bother me? Not a chance.

There are plenty of people on here who love the fact I'm a "cheater".

Embrace who you, are, enjoy what you do, and stand tall and proud.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You really should t worry about what other people think about you. It's your life to live how you want.

It will put some people off, and others won't. Focus on the positive people and forget the rest.

I'm judged harshly for being a "cheater", do I let it bother me? Not a chance.

There are plenty of people on here who love the fact I'm a "cheater".

Embrace who you, are, enjoy what you do, and stand tall and proud. "

* damn typos...you really SHOULDN'T worry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one and seldom are they a thing of beauty.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks. Ive realised from this its not so much the judging me that bothers me but judging us as a couple and the judgement towards my partner..

I guess its the feeling I need to protect his /our reputation and feel bad when people wont meet because of some percieved idea that I am more dirty in some way x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You aren't being silly Cali, nobody's genuine feelings are.

I don't feel the way you do about other people's opinions of me apart from those I love. In fact I honestly don't care

(otherwise I'd worry about not kissing

). Being judged for your sexual activity on Fab is massively hypocritical in my opinion but people can only make you feel bad if you let them.

Never explain, never justify and enjoy what you do.

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By *itsAndTaffCouple
over a year ago

Grays, Essex

I wouldn't worry what others think

We are all on this site for the same reason so no one has any right to judge someone else

Obviously people have a right to say yes or no to meets due to personal preferences but I'm sure there are just as many that will say yes as will say no

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"Thanks. Ive realised from this its not so much the judging me that bothers me but judging us as a couple and the judgement towards my partner..

I guess its the feeling I need to protect his /our reputation and feel bad when people wont meet because of some percieved idea that I am more dirty in some way x"

Hi Cali,sorry you are feeling this way,I always like your posts.

I think there is still more judgement towards women who like group fun etc,then there is men.

I know it's easy to say,but try and not let it bother you, we all like different things and fab allows you to explore it.

Your relationship is no less because of it xx

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Sadly the scene is full of judgement. OP, if people don't want to meet you because of x, y and z - they are entitled to that. Everyone has freedom of choice and preference, regardless of if it is perceived as being misplaced.

If however it becomes derogatory and insulting? Fuck that. Just ignore it and move on. It's easier said than done but try not to place too much importance on it.

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By *eryCuriousCouple2012Couple
over a year ago

Funville

Hiya Cali, I know you've been on here for aaaaggggeeesss and you've always struck me as being strong and confident. I get what you're saying when you say that you feel that some perceive it reflects negatively on your partner if you go all out. C'mon, we all know that people can be overly judgemental on how someone makes a cup of tea (milk first, you Neanderthals!) let alone how someone enjoys their own sexual proclivities.

There's a phrase I employ when people attempt to put someone in a box and label them, their relationship...or how they make a brew...fuck 'em!

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By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"Opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one and seldom are they a thing of beauty.

Quote of the day!!

Easier said than done but 'Be yourself for yourself and let others worry about themselves!'

Some great advice in this thread!!

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By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"Face it: we're women. We are supposed to love sex--but only within the confines of a committed relationship with one man.

We are still judged for being raped or "choosing" to stay in an abusive relationship.

We can sip wine or fancy cocktails but cause shock if we prefer pints or whisky.

This is 2017 right???? In some areas only, I think. We STILL are judged when our preferences go against the norm.

SO--we have the choice of either caring what others think or doing what we like and letting others form their own opinions.

I try to go with the concept of: What anyone thinks of me is none of my business.

"Well behaved women seldom make history.""

So true unfortunately but it takes both man and women to change attitudes!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does it go when you actually meet these people for fun? Just wondering as in my mind if I enjoy gb and am open-minded about it, and they are all uptight about that, then I would assume we were not very sexually compatible so I would avoid meeting anyway. As I wouldn't imagine the sex to be very good. Maybe that's too simplistic though as I am not part of a couple, I just have me to consider. It's a shame to let others negative attitudes change you though. Listen to your man, he's the one that loves and knows you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lt's easier for women to catch something from vaginal sex than a man and that is multiplied with many people involved. Just mechanics and size of orifices etc.

Don't take it personally OP.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

"lt's easier for women to catch something from vaginal sex than a man and that is multiplied with many people involved. Just mechanics and size of orifices etc.

Don't take it personally OP."

I was told that at the gum clinic that women are more likely to catch something than men, especialy with multiple partners.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"lt's easier for women to catch something from vaginal sex than a man and that is multiplied with many people involved. Just mechanics and size of orifices etc.

Don't take it personally OP."

The man must have had it in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lt's easier for women to catch something from vaginal sex than a man and that is multiplied with many people involved. Just mechanics and size of orifices etc.

Don't take it personally OP.

I was told that at the gum clinic that women are more likely to catch something than men, especialy with multiple partners."

Yep. Women also get urine tract infection and bladder infections more, just comes with the territory. Anyone being penetrated is at a massive increased risk, including men.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How does it go when you actually meet these people for fun? Just wondering as in my mind if I enjoy gb and am open-minded about it, and they are all uptight about that, then I would assume we were not very sexually compatible so I would avoid meeting anyway. As I wouldn't imagine the sex to be very good. Maybe that's too simplistic though as I am not part of a couple, I just have me to consider. It's a shame to let others negative attitudes change you though. Listen to your man, he's the one that loves and knows you xx"
it doesn't get that far.. as not going to meet someone who looks down on me.

A good point made is that maybe some feel that if I like group play that would just a couple be enough but it is a totally different dynamic and extremely different experience to the gg play. I Mean to be fair we tend to talk to other couples that like gg stuff as mostly that means we are compatible but its made me feel that as a single it was okay... but not now.

Ive been struggling with this for quite a while now and feels much better to air it. X..

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

so what if he isn't enough for you, since when did one person have to be enough?

what reputation you protecting? if it's one in the swinging world then most of the people judging are hypocrites anyway. they like sex too else they wouldn't be here.

maybe look at being dirty as a good thing? i don't like being called a slut, slag, whatever, during sex but if guys know i enjoy a lot of sex with multiple partners...and that turns them on...well what is there to be ashamed of really?

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"How does it go when you actually meet these people for fun? Just wondering as in my mind if I enjoy gb and am open-minded about it, and they are all uptight about that, then I would assume we were not very sexually compatible so I would avoid meeting anyway. As I wouldn't imagine the sex to be very good. Maybe that's too simplistic though as I am not part of a couple, I just have me to consider. It's a shame to let others negative attitudes change you though. Listen to your man, he's the one that loves and knows you xxit doesn't get that far.. as not going to meet someone who looks down on me.

Ive been struggling with this for quite a while now and feels much better to air it. X.. "

Don't let it bother you, it's your life, your choice how to live it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"so what if he isn't enough for you, since when did one person have to be enough?

what reputation you protecting? if it's one in the swinging world then most of the people judging are hypocrites anyway. they like sex too else they wouldn't be here.

"
see i dont think that wanting group sex has anything to do with my partner not being enough. He can leave me in a heap.. where as 20 guys wont.. as 121 sex with him is just anazing and satisfying.. i dont do 121 sex with others as it just doesn't do it for me.

But i dont like people assuming anything. So i now behave more couples appropriate. Only meeting together etc.. less gg stuff. Mostly meeting couples together. X

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"so what if he isn't enough for you, since when did one person have to be enough?

what reputation you protecting? if it's one in the swinging world then most of the people judging are hypocrites anyway. they like sex too else they wouldn't be here.

see i dont think that wanting group sex has anything to do with my partner not being enough. He can leave me in a heap.. where as 20 guys wont.. as 121 sex with him is just anazing and satisfying.. i dont do 121 sex with others as it just doesn't do it for me.

But i dont like people assuming anything. So i now behave more couples appropriate. Only meeting together etc.. less gg stuff. Mostly meeting couples together. X "

i didn't mean sex with him wasn't good or anything, just like one partner isn't enough because people like all kinds of things sexually, and if gg or gb is your thing too then obviously he isn't going to be enough for that.

hope you get it sorted. i used to be shamed a lot and just learnt to not really care what people think unless they care about me and have my best interests at heart -and calling people names or making them feel bad is never in your best interests so far as i'm concerned.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"so what if he isn't enough for you, since when did one person have to be enough?

what reputation you protecting? if it's one in the swinging world then most of the people judging are hypocrites anyway. they like sex too else they wouldn't be here.

But i dont like people assuming anything. So i now behave more couples appropriate. Only meeting together etc.. less gg stuff. Mostly meeting couples together. X

Thanks. I think group sex is a different thing. I used to think one guy could never be enough.. and here I am eating my own words... i never cared as a single what others thought. Even now its not really what they think of me... more how they perceive us and my partner

But thanks. Perhaps I just need to find my thick skin again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will comment here

Dear Cali as a sexually active Bisexual man on the sister site of Fabguys (yorkman50s) I constantly get critised and ridiculed about my activities - yeah I am by all accounts a male tart, but on balance , I really don't give a toss what others think - they either want to meet me for sex or not, because I'm not going to drag them to my bed that's for sure.

As a GB girl, you are bound to get those disapproving comments, but given that some men will go to clubs on "floor show" nights to purely don't, fuck em I say and good on you.

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By *estmidscoupleCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

We're still keen on the GG phase, both really enjoy it, but I (Mr) have had some comments on here that I clearly can't be satisfying Slim if she needs to play with so many guys. We know it's nonsense but it does seem to give some guys a kick to point it out. You guys seem to have a lot of good meets Cali so as long as they work for you, keep having fun and be safe

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"so what if he isn't enough for you, since when did one person have to be enough?

what reputation you protecting? if it's one in the swinging world then most of the people judging are hypocrites anyway. they like sex too else they wouldn't be here.

But i dont like people assuming anything. So i now behave more couples appropriate. Only meeting together etc.. less gg stuff. Mostly meeting couples together. X

But thanks. Perhaps I just need to find my thick skin again"

dunno, i'm dead sensitive but only let that side out with people i care about and who i think care about me, (which is hardly anyone).

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

The couples who judge you are not really the ones suited to meeting you. Fuck the haters, live as you want and find the people who accept you for who you are not who they want you to be. Too many people want to shame others to make themselves feel better.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We're still keen on the GG phase, both really enjoy it, but I (Mr) have had some comments on here that I clearly can't be satisfying Slim if she needs to play with so many guys. We know it's nonsense but it does seem to give some guys a kick to point it out. You guys seem to have a lot of good meets Cali so as long as they work for you, keep having fun and be safe"
Thanks.. x I know its nonsense... same as worrying that people see us as less off a couple but it has really knocked me. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never been able to understand how people with one kink can be so judgmental towards people with another kink

None of us here are what polite society would class as normal (and thank fuck for that!)and yet there is still this strange sliding scale of kinkiness where some judge themselves to be higher than others morally....some humans are just fucking odd

If they judge you for what you enjoy, they really wouldn't have been much of a fun shag anyways so you've not lost anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really wouldn't worry what others think. Plenty of people judge swingers in the vanilla world.

The only persons opinion you should worry about is yours and your partners.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

I know precisely where you're coming from op! I tried a mini (3 or 4 guys) gang bang twice as I watched them on porn and thought they looked fun - but was so worried about people 's perceptions of me (fab is as chock full of judgemental people as the real world is! What they do is fine - what others do is wrong!) that I started another profile to help me fulfil my 'fab fantasies ' - a mini gang-bang being one of them!

I decided it wasn't for me - I love mmf (though rarely get to do it) but a larger group didn't work for me! (Though I can totally see what other women like about it!).

A few weeks after 'word got out' about my other profile and 'regular gangbang slag' was just one of the choice names used! A lot of people just have a burning need to judge others and put them down! My only advice would be to swing how YOU want to swing - and those who judge you simply aren't the right people to meet!

I have one unfulfilled fantasy - a bi-male mmf or mmmf - and if people want to refuse to meet me because of that then so be it!

Big hugs op - and have the fun YOU and your partner want - not others! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why worry ? I bet there are more that would meet you than not meet you

just think you could ke be a man on here, and then you would have more of a problem getting meets

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Over the years you have tamed how you come across on here. I used to think you loved the shockability of it all, that was before your current partner. Yes people judge, I do but my judgement means so little to the fun other people enjoy. Just do your thing and let people judge away.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Over the years you have tamed how you come across on here. I used to think you loved the shockability of it all, that was before your current partner. Yes people judge, I do but my judgement means so little to the fun other people enjoy. Just do your thing and let people judge away.

"
it isnt just me my voice affects now.. so I often type something... then think its not worth the hassle.

I am apparently still as blunt as a brick.. and I am always going to be open and honest with my opinions but some things my _iews have 100% been changed on since meeting my partner.. and I think its for the better.

I am not ashamed of who i am/was.. I am however aware of how my sometimes big mouth can reflect badly on someone other than myself

If that makes sense..and actually till ny partner I actually didnt realise I could shock people...

i will still on occassion get the devil in me and say it how I see it regardless but normally with provocation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it isnt just me my voice affects now.. so I often type something... then think its not worth the hassle.

I am not ashamed of who i am/was.. I am however aware of how my sometimes big mouth can reflect badly on someone other than myself

If that makes sense..and actually till ny partner I actually didnt realise I could shock people...

i will still on occassion get the devil in me and say it how I see it regardless but normally with provocation "

Never change Cali!! Why the bloody hell should you. You will always be that lovely lass who I accosted with 'oooo your Cali' in the bogs of the Sheffield social, many moons ago. Our wants and needs change but stay true to what/who you are xx

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By *icplshropsCouple
over a year ago

Rock

Sorry to hear how some people are treating you this way. Look at it that you had a lucky escape

My partner and I are FWBs, and have been rejected a couple of times, because we're not a 'regular' couple. That's fine, as we rather play with people who don't judge us. Funny thing is: we've probably been together longer than some 'regular' couples are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear how some people are treating you this way. Look at it that you had a lucky escape

and a lot more fun as you're more open minded

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always been judge on this site since joining so i am use to it that life on here people do judge without knowing people so where are the nice people who do not judge people like a book..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just human nature whenever we become part of a group or a tribe or a club!! There is always some sort of inward fighting because people are so shallow they have to force there negative feelings on to others and judge!!

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

does anyone else find that over time other's negative _iews impact how you are... or am I just being silly. "

Prolonged negativity has an impact on anyone, I don't think it matters what it is about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jealousy. Those people who talk probably would love to be in your skin. It's your life. Your decisions. What anyone else but your partner thinks shouldn't matter whatsoever. Their loss, many other's gain.

Steer clear of negative, selfish people. They bring you down to their level. Think YOU. YOUR DECISION. YOUR LIFE xx

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By *eedsmale36Man
over a year ago

Leeds

"Just curious... when Mr and I first met we were both very active on meeting.. both together and seperately. I only really met for gb and gg stuff and he liked a mix..

But at the start when we were first meeting as a couple.. many other ladies and couples commented that they didnt want to meet as I ( cali) was a gb girl...

Another comment to come from those early days was that Mr obviously wasnt enough for me if I needed these group sessions all the time.

Silly logic I know as been together almost 4 year's now...

But does anyone else find that over time other's negative _iews impact how you are... or am I just being silly.

I rarely even do group stuff now when mr encourages it..not because i don't enjoy it but because i feel it gives off the wrong impression and affects our chances of meeting couples together x"

Stop whinging and put another couple of cocks in your mouth ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone judges. But it's those who are in a position that can, will force their will onto others.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

It never ceases to amaze me that people who fuck strangers think they are in a position to feel morally superior as regards other people's consensual sexual activity.

My amateur Freudian theory is that they feel guilt about their own activities and deal with this by finding other people about whom they can say "I am not as bad as them"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This site represents a cross-section of society, does it not? So it is therefore hardly idiot-proof.

Ignore 'em.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Had forgotten about this thread.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

It is a bit like school kid mentality.

Boys sleep around, they are a stud.

Girls sleep around they are a slag.

You would have thought that wouldn't happen here though

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By *earandmonkeyCouple
over a year ago

uxbridge

My opinion is simple be who you are. with who you like, doing what you love.

You will be a long time dead.

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