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Anal disasters

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By *ea_Coffee OP   Couple
over a year ago

Near Kettering

Just read a post on Facebook funnily enough, about a womam who agreed her then partner could try anal as he had never done it before.

Apparently theye were very d*unk but him more so than her and shortly after entering her he became very heavy and stopped his thrusting.

She was laying on her belly and quickly realised he had fallen asleep. Having become dead weight due to his d*unken slumber she was pinned down with him still inserted into her for an hour or as she could not move him.

To make matters worst she describes how he was becoming arroused and soft at different times during her predicament.

I take it with a pinch of salt of course but wonder if any fabbers had any horror stories to match such a tale

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last time when I pulled out, the corner of the bed sheet got coloured abit lol.

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By *olo lets beginMan
over a year ago

preston

I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

"

indeed

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed"

Hmmm.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed"

and then some

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

Hmmm.

"

Post of the Day

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hloe sussexTV/TS
over a year ago

Larne


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

God lol

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

I had the seat come off the stem on a pushbike once, luckily I had heavyweight jeans on! Still fucking hurt, light trousers & it may have been a trip to A&E

S

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

I feel a bit Pat and Mick after reading this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do people really want to know!!!

Anyway...I'm a very good girl...I don't do such things

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

No just no - why not use a wet wipe?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

Hmmm.

Post of the Day "

Err...

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

Hmmm.

"

I know my mum always said clean up your own mess, but........

S

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *oyle_45Man
over a year ago

Worthing

To be fair....it was his own poo

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

Hmmm.

I know my mum always said clean up your own mess, but........

S

"

Yeeees...?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

some things you just can't unread

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

Hmmm.

Post of the Day "

Shit happens.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

Hmmm.

I know my mum always said clean up your own mess, but........

S

Yeeees...?"

Well that's one I wouldn't

S

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

Hmmm.

Post of the Day

Err..."

Never happened with you Joe?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is my second favourite thread after the "describe your worst meet" one.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

Hmmm.

Post of the Day

Err...

Never happened with you Joe? "

It's an occupational hazard, I'll admit. Most people know how to prep but accidents do happen.

However - I have never countenanced a solution like that before.

Wetwipes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was anyone having sweetcorn with dinner ?

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By *oyle_45Man
over a year ago

Worthing

Good thing he hadn't eaten peanuts....it would've looked like a Walls Feast

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

No no no why on earth did I have to read this reply. Seriously you actually did that. I thought I was open minded but holy shit, to coin a phrase. Yuk yuk yuk. I'm dumbfounded this is a wind up got to be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never had any problems with anal..

before, during or after

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales


"This is my second favourite thread after the "describe your worst meet" one.

"

Pervert

S

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've pulled a bit of sweetcorn out before

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By *eggysallyTV/TS
over a year ago

manchester

Have some people never heard of douching themselves if they are going to have anal fun. I always douche as its basic common sense.

X x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have never had any problems with anal..

before, during or after "

Me neither. Reading these is making me a bit sick, though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suffer with wind after the event

So have to go to the bathroom and have a good farting session

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ewwww you're not Bear Grylls by any chance?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good thing he hadn't eaten peanuts....it would've looked like a Walls Feast"

Ha, brilliant......Anyone remember nutty bars?

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By *ea_Coffee OP   Couple
over a year ago

Near Kettering


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

This is not how I saw this topic going lmao

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By *olo lets beginMan
over a year ago

preston

I didn't have wet wipes and was feeling wild!

He was rushing me so he could come round, so I didnt have time to prepare fully

Hey, these things happen. No limits with me!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olo lets beginMan
over a year ago

preston

Thanks for your support

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok so I had a bird bent over fucking her from behind I pulled out of her pussy and rubbed her clit then all of a sudden she shite herself dhiorea all over my arm and over her moms white sofa the look on her face as she said it was cuz she near her period safe to say I washed my arm and left she got blocked

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury


"Thanks for your support "

I salute your indefatigability, sir

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

some things you just can't unread"

time to bleach the eye balls again

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By *hefireinsideWoman
over a year ago

Cork


"Ok so I had a bird bent over fucking her from behind I pulled out of her pussy and rubbed her clit then all of a sudden she shite herself dhiorea all over my arm and over her moms white sofa the look on her face as she said it was cuz she near her period safe to say I washed my arm and left she got blocked "

You blocked someone for having an involuntary body function?? Poor girl.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Why did I read this thread? I don't think I'll ever have anal now.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hekaiserMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Do people really want to know!!!

Anyway...I'm a very good girl...I don't do such things "

Yip...would like to know...

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend


"Ok so I had a bird bent over fucking her from behind I pulled out of her pussy and rubbed her clit then all of a sudden she shite herself dhiorea all over my arm and over her moms white sofa the look on her face as she said it was cuz she near her period safe to say I washed my arm and left she got blocked "
well at least she won't be able to do that again .. how did she get blocked ..butt plug?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (Mr) have a nasty anal moment but it wasn't poo it was blood.

It was all going fine but when I pulled out blood squirted out her arse all over me.

It was really running out all down her legs. I went into a panic and tried to get her to go to hospital but she refused.

Tbh it's put me off doing anal with anyone again.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't have wet wipes and was feeling wild!

He was rushing me so he could come round, so I didnt have time to prepare fully

Hey, these things happen. No limits with me!"

A Haiku about your logic in this experience...

No wet wipes on hand

Yet the play must keep flowing

So I will eat shit

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Took part in a threesome with two bi guys who had sex with each other. Condoms came out very bloodied and I was a bit concerned. Asked them to pay a visit to their respective docs! Never knew if they ended up going!

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales


"Why did I read this thread? I don't think I'll ever have anal now."

SpoilSport

S

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *akeyousmile30Man
over a year ago

greenwich


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

Dude no way

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once a bloke washed his cock with disinfectant and fking my ass. XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Scratch and sniff tests essential

Along with a little poke about / pre-amble with a finger to check for lurkers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had a minor mishap with d*unken, unprepared anal once. When he was putting the sheet in the wash I said "oh well shit happens" and he didn't even crack a smile. Bastard.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once a bloke washed his cock with disinfectant and fking my ass. XXX"

I mean I like fresh smelling cocks but not quite pine Zoflora fresh

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Why did I read this thread? I don't think I'll ever have anal now.

SpoilSport

S"

I can't stop reading this thread... yeah, I'm not having anal.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why did I read this thread? I don't think I'll ever have anal now.

SpoilSport

S

I can't stop reading this thread... yeah, I'm not having anal."

I am enjoying this thread way too much than I suspect I should be doing

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok so I had a bird bent over fucking her from behind I pulled out of her pussy and rubbed her clit then all of a sudden she shite herself dhiorea all over my arm and over her moms white sofa the look on her face as she said it was cuz she near her period safe to say I washed my arm and left she got blocked "

There goes my tea

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *vadownMan
over a year ago

Wickham

Once had great anal with a lovely sexy lady. Once finished I flopped back and thought I'd cut my helmet only to find a tomato skin caught under the foreskin.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I (Mr) have a nasty anal moment but it wasn't poo it was blood.

It was all going fine but when I pulled out blood squirted out her arse all over me.

It was really running out all down her legs. I went into a panic and tried to get her to go to hospital but she refused.

Tbh it's put me off doing anal with anyone again. "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once had great anal with a lovely sexy lady. Once finished I flopped back and thought I'd cut my helmet only to find a tomato skin caught under the foreskin.

"

I will never be able to eat another tomato without thinking about this! Lol xxx

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once had great anal with a lovely sexy lady. Once finished I flopped back and thought I'd cut my helmet only to find a tomato skin caught under the foreskin.

"

somebody drag me away from this thread, before i choke to death laughing!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land


"Once had great anal with a lovely sexy lady. Once finished I flopped back and thought I'd cut my helmet only to find a tomato skin caught under the foreskin.

"

That made me snort

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

Where's the crying with laughter my ribs hurt emoji when you want it.

Comedy gold this is

S

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

No just no - why not use a wet wipe? "

Or always use a condom for anal that way if his cock gets covered in shit you can just take the condom off

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suffer with wind after the event

So have to go to the bathroom and have a good farting session

"

Can go on all next day

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By *oshker71Man
over a year ago

Cardiff

Yuk minging jez

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading this reaffirms why anal doesn't really float my boat.

Cracking read though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best thread ever

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/02/17 18:45:00]

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"Once had great anal with a lovely sexy lady. Once finished I flopped back and thought I'd cut my helmet only to find a tomato skin caught under the foreskin.

"

Oh my goodness. TMI

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *nEnglishmanAbroadMan
over a year ago

Hartburn

Jesus. This thread has me crying - partly with laughter and partly because I am traumatised!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Jesus...lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok so along long time ago ok about 3 Christmas ago I was wankin for someone and had fucked my dildo then put it up my ass then returned to fanny fuck8ng. No one told me that this was a no no and that I should of wiped my dildo clean before reentry. Ended up very ill and I didn't know why. I didn't go to the docs I should of don't I just assumed I'd picked up a viral infection. Ended up going to a pharmacy for fluid balance salts. Got better. Told my friend who chastised me n told me I'd probably narrowly escaped sepis. So moral of the story folks. Wipe clean before reentry xxx

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hocoholicWoman
over a year ago

The big D

Love anal but only when I know my body is ready & no incidences will happen. Like another poster I sometimes feel cramped afterwards so a release of wind is needed lol.

Iv no horrible stories as if I'm in doubt il just not do it. I do make d guy wear double condom so after I'm done anal there's no time wasted & he pulls 1 off & back into my pussy.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, just wow

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

No just no - why not use a wet wipe? "

Or use a condom and throw it away

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh gosh..... we're relatively knew to anal but I think after reading this that is how it'll stay!

X

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales


"Once a bloke washed his cock with disinfectant and fking my ass. XXX

I mean I like fresh smelling cocks but not quite pine Zoflora fresh "

"Have you got a magic tree stuffed down your pants or are you just pleased to see me?"

S

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha this thread is brilliant

But also the reason I don't do anal!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Love anal but only when I know my body is ready & no incidences will happen. Like another poster I sometimes feel cramped afterwards so a release of wind is needed lol.

Iv no horrible stories as if I'm in doubt il just not do it. I do make d guy wear double condom so after I'm done anal there's no time wasted & he pulls 1 off & back into my pussy. "

It's not advisable to wear two condoms, as the friction between them can tear them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been having anal sex for 10 years. Never douched and never had an accident.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

#I've not been able to contact him since. '

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anal is an Art

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By *inkerbell67Woman
over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

Dude no way"
just gone off my sausages I was eating

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"I (Mr) have a nasty anal moment but it wasn't poo it was blood.

It was all going fine but when I pulled out blood squirted out her arse all over me.

It was really running out all down her legs. I went into a panic and tried to get her to go to hospital but she refused.

Tbh it's put me off doing anal with anyone again. "

It must have happened to her before or I am sure she would have panicked.. She probably bust a hemorrhoid.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

#I've not been able to contact him since. ' "

Because he's probably still in therapy

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once had great anal with a lovely sexy lady. Once finished I flopped back and thought I'd cut my helmet only to find a tomato skin caught under the foreskin.

That made me snort "

Was that one of your 5 a day?..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish


"Anal is an Art "

Christ don't say that! The Tate modern'll be exhibiting it next if they hear you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Crying at this thread. It's brilliant

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

Toilet humour gold! Pmsl at this thread! Or should that be SMSL

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By *100Man
over a year ago

Essex

Classic this thread must be one of the best pmsl xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once ate a load of hot chilli's and the next day my arse was on fire

"Ring sting?" My girlfriend asked, so I did but he didnt want to know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we like flushing her out first with water two or three times and the last time we sometimes get into it while she is full of water and the feeling is amazing

especially if she is under pressure

once for a giggle I pulled out real suddenly and a jet of water shot out with a small olive sized "nugget" closely behind

passion killer isn't the word

if we don't flush her we often use buffers

I can recommend these wholeheartedly

we pop two or three grapes up her first and then this minimises contact with the brown stuff

obviously some people may need something larger than grapes such as water melons etc

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By *i-DottyWoman
over a year ago

Norwich


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

I feel a bit Pat and Mick after reading this"

I think a bit of sick just came up in my mouth!

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By *ilvercharmCouple
over a year ago

Our gate

I'm gunna seriously wet myself if I laugh anymore

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By *ighteningstrikesCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

Our motto is "if you're going to play in mud you're going to get dirty" no harm.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel very ill now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once ate a load of hot chilli's and the next day my arse was on fire

"Ring sting?" My girlfriend asked, so I did but he didnt want to know "

I had to read that twice before i got it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I (Mr) have a nasty anal moment but it wasn't poo it was blood.

It was all going fine but when I pulled out blood squirted out her arse all over me.

It was really running out all down her legs. I went into a panic and tried to get her to go to hospital but she refused.

Tbh it's put me off doing anal with anyone again.

It must have happened to her before or I am sure she would have panicked.. She probably bust a hemorrhoid. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wtf have I just read?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I (Mr) have a nasty anal moment but it wasn't poo it was blood.

It was all going fine but when I pulled out blood squirted out her arse all over me.

It was really running out all down her legs. I went into a panic and tried to get her to go to hospital but she refused.

Tbh it's put me off doing anal with anyone again.

It must have happened to her before or I am sure she would have panicked.. She probably bust a hemorrhoid. "

That's a thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OP has said this as a wind up, surely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "
Holy testicle Tuesday -Ace Ventura

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By *opblokey2kMan
over a year ago

a11


"Ok so along long time ago ok about 3 Christmas ago I was wankin for someone and had fucked my dildo then put it up my ass then returned to fanny fuck8ng. No one told me that this was a no no and that I should of wiped my dildo clean before reentry. Ended up very ill and I didn't know why. I didn't go to the docs I should of don't I just assumed I'd picked up a viral infection. Ended up going to a pharmacy for fluid balance salts. Got better. Told my friend who chastised me n told me I'd probably narrowly escaped sepis. So moral of the story folks. Wipe clean before reentry xxx"

Them's very wise words!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we like flushing her out first with water two or three times and the last time we sometimes get into it while she is full of water and the feeling is amazing

especially if she is under pressure

once for a giggle I pulled out real suddenly and a jet of water shot out with a small olive sized "nugget" closely behind

passion killer isn't the word

if we don't flush her we often use buffers

I can recommend these wholeheartedly

we pop two or three grapes up her first and then this minimises contact with the brown stuff

obviously some people may need something larger than grapes such as water melons etc "

Grapes up her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We enjoy anal regularly and I always douche, never had any "incidents" or at least he saves my dignity and doesn't tell me hahaha

Hilarious thread

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

One partner was playing with a toy up there....I was enjoying it til I heard an "oh fuck".... asked what the matter was.... he'd list the toy up my arse!!

Lots of pulling and poking later to no avail, I finally had to go and poop it out.

Fun times.

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By *ischief ManagedCouple
over a year ago

manchester

best thread for a long time

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling


"One partner was playing with a toy up there....I was enjoying it til I heard an "oh fuck".... asked what the matter was.... he'd list the toy up my arse!!

Lots of pulling and poking later to no avail, I finally had to go and poop it out.

Fun times."

How big was the toy last lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suffer with wind after the event

So have to go to the bathroom and have a good farting session

"

lol that made me chuckle.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

No just no - why not use a wet wipe? "

Or a condom

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By *uantumedMan
over a year ago

stockport

Lol/heave/lol/heave/lol/heave ad infinatum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see a C5 doco in the making....'Seconds from disaster, the anal edition'

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"we like flushing her out first with water two or three times and the last time we sometimes get into it while she is full of water and the feeling is amazing

especially if she is under pressure

once for a giggle I pulled out real suddenly and a jet of water shot out with a small olive sized "nugget" closely behind

passion killer isn't the word

if we don't flush her we often use buffers

I can recommend these wholeheartedly

we pop two or three grapes up her first and then this minimises contact with the brown stuff

obviously some people may need something larger than grapes such as water melons etc

Grapes up her? "

Probably just a regional variation of trodding grapes for wine making

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lol/heave/lol/heave/lol/heave ad infinatum "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well i've read this post from top to bottom

I've laughed, cried.....and had to ring my therapist

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By *olo lets beginMan
over a year ago

preston

At the end of the day, I'm just glad it's raised awareness of the do's and don't's and we've all had a chuckle!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well i've read this post from top to bottom

"

Probably not the best turn of phrase considering

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

and then some "

On so many levels. ...

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

No just no - why not use a wet wipe? "

No, a condom! !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"At the end of the day, I'm just glad it's raised awareness of the do's and don't's and we've all had a chuckle!"

You, my good man, need a fkin medal

... and a bottle of corsodyl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"At the end of the day, I'm just glad it's raised awareness of the do's and don't's and we've all had a chuckle!"

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By *olo lets beginMan
over a year ago

preston


"At the end of the day, I'm just glad it's raised awareness of the do's and don't's and we've all had a chuckle!

"

Love your photos!

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By *olo lets beginMan
over a year ago

preston

[Removed by poster at 06/02/17 22:43:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well OP, YOLO!

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By *olo lets beginMan
over a year ago

preston


"At the end of the day, I'm just glad it's raised awareness of the do's and don't's and we've all had a chuckle!

You, my good man, need a fkin medal

... and a bottle of corsodyl "

Thanks pal

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Oh I'm so glad I'm not into anal, I never want ANY of this shit in my memory bank lol!!

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By *olo lets beginMan
over a year ago

preston


"Oh I'm so glad I'm not into anal, I never want ANY of this shit in my memory bank lol!! "

Honestly, done correctly, it's amazing. Please don't let my nativity put you off x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

Holy crap!!!

For when eeeeuw just wont do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"At the end of the day, I'm just glad it's raised awareness of the do's and don't's and we've all had a chuckle!"

I really don't think any of us needed to share your experience to make us aware licking shit off a cock maybe a no-no after anal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh I'm so glad I'm not into anal, I never want ANY of this shit in my memory bank lol!!

Honestly, done correctly, it's amazing. Please don't let my nativity put you off x"

I love a good nativity

"Little donkey, little donkey..."

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By *olo lets beginMan
over a year ago

preston


"Oh I'm so glad I'm not into anal, I never want ANY of this shit in my memory bank lol!!

Honestly, done correctly, it's amazing. Please don't let my nativity put you off x

I love a good nativity

"Little donkey, little donkey...""

Damn autocorrect!

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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago

Pleasuretown


"One partner was playing with a toy up there....I was enjoying it til I heard an "oh fuck".... asked what the matter was.... he'd list the toy up my arse!!

Lots of pulling and poking later to no avail, I finally had to go and poop it out.

Fun times."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've been having anal sex for 10 years. Never douched and never had an accident. "

Blimey, your fella has got staying power.

E

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales


"Oh I'm so glad I'm not into anal, I never want ANY of this shit in my memory bank lol!!

Honestly, done correctly, it's amazing. Please don't let my nativity put you off x

I love a good nativity

"Little donkey, little donkey...""

Surely it should be an Ass?

S

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

Admire your frankness.

Made me chuckle...

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

This shit still goin' on?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Oh I'm so glad I'm not into anal, I never want ANY of this shit in my memory bank lol!!

Honestly, done correctly, it's amazing. Please don't let my nativity put you off x"

Don't worry - I really have no desire or need!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh I'm so glad I'm not into anal, I never want ANY of this shit in my memory bank lol!!

Honestly, done correctly, it's amazing. Please don't let my nativity put you off x

I love a good nativity

"Little donkey, little donkey..."

Surely it should be an Ass?

S"

Bravo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"At the end of the day, I'm just glad it's raised awareness of the do's and don't's and we've all had a chuckle!

I really don't think any of us needed to share your experience to make us aware licking shit off a cock maybe a no-no after anal "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a friend who's an emergency room doctor. Her favorite stories are of those who've come in because they've gotten stuff stuck up there!

Lesson learnt for me was don't stick anything up the bum that may slip up there (eg a small vibrator). That's why butt plugs have those flaps on them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eeeeeeeeeew!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im actually pissing myself laughing at some of these stories

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has got to be one of the funniest and filthiest threads I've read....can't stop laughing

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By *ea_Coffee OP   Couple
over a year ago

Near Kettering

This thread turned out better than I Thought it would.

You have all made me laugh and smile.

cheers.

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By *requent_FerryersCouple
over a year ago

Norwich to Great Yarmouth (by river)

I used to live in Iraq, the girls there all want to remain "virgins" until they are married, so anal sex is the norm when engaging in pre-marital fun. Result is they all have floppy assholes. Mind you, very rare to hear one of them fart....

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"I have a friend who's an emergency room doctor. Her favorite stories are of those who've come in because they've gotten stuff stuck up there!

Lesson learnt for me was don't stick anything up the bum that may slip up there (eg a small vibrator). That's why butt plugs have those flaps on them!"

THere was a very funny thread about a lady and a toy up her bum . It sucked it up . Wonder if anyone remembers that one , Wonder if she still here. I cried laughing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a friend who's an emergency room doctor. Her favorite stories are of those who've come in because they've gotten stuff stuck up there!

Lesson learnt for me was don't stick anything up the bum that may slip up there (eg a small vibrator). That's why butt plugs have those flaps on them!

THere was a very funny thread about a lady and a toy up her bum . It sucked it up . Wonder if anyone remembers that one , Wonder if she still here. I cried laughing. "

Oooh....I wonder if it was one of those squeaky toys?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a mate hows a doctor at accident and emergency, he told me off a girl coming in , she had one off the remote vibratos that should go up your pussy in her arse hole , she couldn't get it out or turn it off, he said he lost his bed side manner because every time he used a metal instrument to get it out , it made so much nose vibrating off it he pissed him self laughing and the two nurses

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since "

Heaving

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

[Removed by poster at 07/02/17 09:17:46]

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By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek

I've never seen the attraction of Anal sex with a lady aslong as theres a nice tight vagina next to it ..

Seems to be prevalent on sites like this and in the porn industry thesedays so when a lady asked me to give it a go i did .

I was behind her and it didn't feel much different to vaginal sex .

But then as it was a hot sweaty room a smell started to arise and eventually i simply had to stop .

I won't tell u the mess on my cock when i looked down and i had to race to the bathroom to save both our blushes .

It was the most unloving awful thing I've done .

I like the closeness of lying together after sex and chatting but the whole moment was lost unfortunately.

Never again .xx

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

I wish I could unread this thread

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By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek


" I wish I could unread this thread

"

Quote of a he day !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once bounced off the bridge and accidentally slipped about a third of my length into my ex wife's but.

She yelped like anything. She was up for most things,

And has prattle on about trying anal having been told all about how horny it was by her best mate Barbara, so being well lubed anyway I pushed in a little further.

She wasn't impressed, suffice to say it killed the session dead and I was consigned to the spare room.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Anal will never be the same again after reading this thread.

Although It can be an amazing experience once you're well douched and well prepared....

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

I had a first meet with a very cheeky and broad minded hot guy. We chatted for ages before meeting and with the winding up I knew he'd be up for more than the average. I fingered his arse as he was bent over but in reality i was using a galaxy (the twirl/flake thread reminded me of the story!).

Once it was all smeared on and up his arse I then licked it off and smothered my face deliberately. As I moved away from him he saw my face and nearly fainted! He hought he'd shit himself and was mortified.

I still pmsl over it!!! I certainly made a memorable impression for a first meet and we're still good mates

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

And I also said come and give me a snog

Double pmsl

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town


"I had a first meet with a very cheeky and broad minded hot guy. We chatted for ages before meeting and with the winding up I knew he'd be up for more than the average. I fingered his arse as he was bent over but in reality i was using a galaxy (the twirl/flake thread reminded me of the story!).

Once it was all smeared on and up his arse I then licked it off and smothered my face deliberately. As I moved away from him he saw my face and nearly fainted! He hought he'd shit himself and was mortified.

I still pmsl over it!!! I certainly made a memorable impression for a first meet and we're still good mates "

Don't believe you

He world of known If a galaxy was been stuck up his arse

I think it was shit

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ea_Coffee OP   Couple
over a year ago

Near Kettering


"I had a first meet with a very cheeky and broad minded hot guy. We chatted for ages before meeting and with the winding up I knew he'd be up for more than the average. I fingered his arse as he was bent over but in reality i was using a galaxy (the twirl/flake thread reminded me of the story!).

Once it was all smeared on and up his arse I then licked it off and smothered my face deliberately. As I moved away from him he saw my face and nearly fainted! He hought he'd shit himself and was mortified.

I still pmsl over it!!! I certainly made a memorable impression for a first meet and we're still good mates "

You are pure evil, but you are my kinda womam

Next time try peanut butter

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worst thing that happened thus far is that I can't seem to relax enough to let him in. Still it's fun trying!

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"I had a first meet with a very cheeky and broad minded hot guy. We chatted for ages before meeting and with the winding up I knew he'd be up for more than the average. I fingered his arse as he was bent over but in reality i was using a galaxy (the twirl/flake thread reminded me of the story!).

Once it was all smeared on and up his arse I then licked it off and smothered my face deliberately. As I moved away from him he saw my face and nearly fainted! He hought he'd shit himself and was mortified.

I still pmsl over it!!! I certainly made a memorable impression for a first meet and we're still good mates

You are pure evil, but you are my kinda womam

Next time try peanut butter "

Smooth or crunchy?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had bought some anal beads and feeling adventurous L put them up my bum while sucking my cock, we then both got a bit carried away and she climbed on top to ride of.but let go of the beads, so has we were having sex i kind of swallowed all the beads up my bum, thus sparking a panicked 5 minutes while L had to put her finger up my bum to fish them out so we didn't have to visit a and e

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By *vGinaTV/TS
over a year ago

Guildford

GuildfordSeveral years ago I was having a night at a hotel in Essex and a guy I knew had been round for the evening. We'd had a great evening but after he left I was still feeling very horny and I decided to reach for my 7inch vibrator and poppers. That's when my embarrassing problem started. I started playing with my vibe and the mix of several drinks earlier and the poppers made me less cautious than usual. Well the inevitable happened and just as I was close to cumming, I pushed the vibe deep inside me and next thing I know I've "swallowed" it. Initially I didn't think much of it, I thought a quick trip to the loo and all would be sorted. How wrong was I. I probably got my closest insight into what women go through in child birth. I tried everything to remove the vibe but nothing was working. Due to the earlier drinks I was worried about going to a hospital and thought I'd leave it till the morning and perhaps nature would assist.The following morning I went straight to the loo but again nothing happening so decision that a trip to A&E was necessary. Not a decision I wanted to make but knew it had to be done.I arrived at a local A&E, went in and was relieved to see very few people in waiting room however the receptionist was an older lady behind a split glass screen. I tried to quietly explain that I had something stuck in me and that I needed help removing it. She struggled to hear me and understand what I was trying to say. After several minutes she eventually understood my problem but not before I'd had to raise my voice enough so that people in the car park were probably aware of what I'd been doing the previous night.With few people waiting, I was taken through to a cubicle and had to explain to a nurse what had happened. I was given a gown to put on and she went to fetch a doctor. When they returned they had me turn on my side and they proceeded to have a good probe around and try and get the slippery vibe out. They were unsuccessful but I then had a procession of nurses and doctors all coming for a look and a go at trying to remove it. I honestly lost count of the number of people who had their hands up my backside that morning. Eventually it was agreed that I needed an xray to see how far they'd managed to push it in and after that I was taken to theatre, given general anaesthetic and had it removed. I woke up on a general ward with the vibe in a clear plastic bag on the night stand next to my bed staring at me. It went straight into a bin. All of this is true and was as embarrassing as it gets. I left the hospital at about 5pm walking like I'd just got off a horse. Never again!!

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town


"GuildfordSeveral years ago I was having a night at a hotel in Essex and a guy I knew had been round for the evening. We'd had a great evening but after he left I was still feeling very horny and I decided to reach for my 7inch vibrator and poppers. That's when my embarrassing problem started. I started playing with my vibe and the mix of several drinks earlier and the poppers made me less cautious than usual. Well the inevitable happened and just as I was close to cumming, I pushed the vibe deep inside me and next thing I know I've "swallowed" it. Initially I didn't think much of it, I thought a quick trip to the loo and all would be sorted. How wrong was I. I probably got my closest insight into what women go through in child birth. I tried everything to remove the vibe but nothing was working. Due to the earlier drinks I was worried about going to a hospital and thought I'd leave it till the morning and perhaps nature would assist.The following morning I went straight to the loo but again nothing happening so decision that a trip to A&E was necessary. Not a decision I wanted to make but knew it had to be done.I arrived at a local A&E, went in and was relieved to see very few people in waiting room however the receptionist was an older lady behind a split glass screen. I tried to quietly explain that I had something stuck in me and that I needed help removing it. She struggled to hear me and understand what I was trying to say. After several minutes she eventually understood my problem but not before I'd had to raise my voice enough so that people in the car park were probably aware of what I'd been doing the previous night.With few people waiting, I was taken through to a cubicle and had to explain to a nurse what had happened. I was given a gown to put on and she went to fetch a doctor. When they returned they had me turn on my side and they proceeded to have a good probe around and try and get the slippery vibe out. They were unsuccessful but I then had a procession of nurses and doctors all coming for a look and a go at trying to remove it. I honestly lost count of the number of people who had their hands up my backside that morning. Eventually it was agreed that I needed an xray to see how far they'd managed to push it in and after that I was taken to theatre, given general anaesthetic and had it removed. I woke up on a general ward with the vibe in a clear plastic bag on the night stand next to my bed staring at me. It went straight into a bin. All of this is true and was as embarrassing as it gets. I left the hospital at about 5pm walking like I'd just got off a horse. Never again!!"

K

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not so long ago I was getting it doggy style when my partner fancied a bit of bum fun. It was great. Never thot anything of it till round 2. Doggy style and up the ass again but he decides to flip me over really fast. Fast pumping and being flipped over then sticking his cock up my kitty real fast yep. Chicken korma style substance all over my 1200 thread count sheets. couldn't stop sharting all the way to the bathroom.

New rule - no man juices up there ever ever again!!

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By *100Man
over a year ago

Essex


"I used to live in Iraq, the girls there all want to remain "virgins" until they are married, so anal sex is the norm when engaging in pre-marital fun. Result is they all have floppy assholes. Mind you, very rare to hear one of them fart...."

Omg I must go there one up the bum no harm done the dirty virgins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once had great anal with a lovely sexy lady. Once finished I flopped back and thought I'd cut my helmet only to find a tomato skin caught under the foreskin.

"

Cannot overstate how much I am laughing at this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read op and a little bit of sick came up in my mouth.

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By *ranimallxl5Man
over a year ago

Winchester

I would never do bum love unless she was very well prepared and really wanted it. Mouths and vaginas just feel better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mr here when I was 18 had sex with some girl I knew bent her over after a bit it slipped out and went straight in her arse no complaints. Continued for about 20mins then she was rideing me this time she put it up her arse was a good fuck just as I'm cuming she jumps off and swallows the lot then she comes up for a kiss but the shit stain mustache make me jump up made an excuse to use the bathroom and left. I was young then and didn't have the balls to say anything

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

Heaving "

Wonder how many people have blocked this guy since the thread began

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/02/17 16:45:34]

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"I once got fucked by a guy doggy style, I told him I wanted to ride him so he pulled out, his cock had poo on it. I felt obliged to clean it up so I sucked his cock clean. He lost interest shortly after and left without cumming. I've not been able to contact him since

indeed

and then some "

Eeeew

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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