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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs" Agree with that 100%  | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs" Yep , that pretty much sums up our perception of NSA too | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs" I'd agree with that but from what I read on here lots of people expect way more from a no strings relationship. If I was single I wouldn't consider that kind of relationship though. | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs I'd agree with that but from what I read on here lots of people expect way more from a no strings relationship. If I was single I wouldn't consider that kind of relationship though. " Just to open up a discussion, what sort of things do you think people expect from a no relationship that make it arguably more than what it should be? | |||
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" I'd agree with that but from what I read on here lots of people expect way more from a no strings relationship. If I was single I wouldn't consider that kind of relationship though. Just to open up a discussion, what sort of things do you think people expect from a no relationship that make it arguably more than what it should be?" If you expect more, then I think that might be difficult. However, I think that more (in a non-obligatory way) is nice. Repeats, conversations between meets, social meets. These can all be achieved without knots being tied. And as a single bloke, I appreciate a little more than just a shag once in a while. Obviously everyone has different needs and I would not insist on anything more than what was available. | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs" Yep that what I would class as NSA | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs I'd agree with that but from what I read on here lots of people expect way more from a no strings relationship. If I was single I wouldn't consider that kind of relationship though. Just to open up a discussion, what sort of things do you think people expect from a no relationship that make it arguably more than what it should be?" Commitment, to be first on the list of people they call when they want sex, to have their birthday remembered and acknowledged, support if they have problems, to be informed if they meet other people...that sort of thing. I've seen people hurt when a no strings relationship turns out to be exactly that but in my opinion its rarely no strings on both sides. | |||
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" I'd agree with that but from what I read on here lots of people expect way more from a no strings relationship. If I was single I wouldn't consider that kind of relationship though. Just to open up a discussion, what sort of things do you think people expect from a no relationship that make it arguably more than what it should be? If you expect more, then I think that might be difficult. However, I think that more (in a non-obligatory way) is nice. Repeats, conversations between meets, social meets. These can all be achieved without knots being tied. And as a single bloke, I appreciate a little more than just a shag once in a while. Obviously everyone has different needs and I would not insist on anything more than what was available. " If I was single in a no strings relationship (never going to happen but for the sake of argument) I would consider social meets and conversations for anything other than arranging the next meeting to be blurring the lines. Possibly hypocritically we enjoy social interaction and conversations between meeting but to me as part of a couple it feels different. | |||
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"I think on this site it should stand for No swingers available As it's impossible to get a meet on here if your a single male "  | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs" My sentiments exactly | |||
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" I'd agree with that but from what I read on here lots of people expect way more from a no strings relationship. If I was single I wouldn't consider that kind of relationship though. Just to open up a discussion, what sort of things do you think people expect from a no relationship that make it arguably more than what it should be? If you expect more, then I think that might be difficult. However, I think that more (in a non-obligatory way) is nice. Repeats, conversations between meets, social meets. These can all be achieved without knots being tied. And as a single bloke, I appreciate a little more than just a shag once in a while. Obviously everyone has different needs and I would not insist on anything more than what was available. If I was single in a no strings relationship (never going to happen but for the sake of argument) I would consider social meets and conversations for anything other than arranging the next meeting to be blurring the lines. Possibly hypocritically we enjoy social interaction and conversations between meeting but to me as part of a couple it feels different. " Our main playmate who we've been seeing off and on for 2 years, we very much regard as a good friend. I sometimes see him alone, and we're very affectionate with each other. Socially I don't think we treat him any differently from vanilla friends, except we probably spend more time talking about sex. But in between meets communication is minimal, and there is no obligation for the next meet. We also share swinging stories and there is no jeolousy. Sometimes we share other swinging friends. Although he's not the only one, he is the best example of how an affectionate sexual friendship has no bearing on it being NSA. I think it works because he has no interest in having a girlfriend or a wife. He likes his freedom, so through NSA sexual relationships he achieves the affection and friendship as well as sex that he craves without losing his personal freedom. However there have been other men (usually when I've got involved in D/s) when lines have been blurred, and I've been upset that someone hadn't delivered on promises. | |||
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"I think on this site it should stand for No swingers available As it's impossible to get a meet on here if your a single male " Impossible for all single men, or just some? | |||
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 A string is simply a string. You play NSA then come across a string and say "uh oh there's a string here". For one person that may merely be feeling a bit too keen to want to meet a particular playmate again "uh oh there's a string here... I'm becoming too needy of this person". For someone else it may be the kind of things you point out. Whilst someone else may not feel any of these things are strings, even feeling friendship and emotional connection, but suddenly find themselves being asked to wash the dishes before they leave and it's suddenly "uh oh there's a string here" | |||
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"Op I think you're over thinking things, says he, the greatest over thinker of all time A string is simply a string. You play NSA then come across a string and say "uh oh there's a string here". For one person that may merely be feeling a bit too keen to want to meet a particular playmate again "uh oh there's a string here... I'm becoming too needy of this person". For someone else it may be the kind of things you point out. Whilst someone else may not feel any of these things are strings, even feeling friendship and emotional connection, but suddenly find themselves being asked to wash the dishes before they leave and it's suddenly "uh oh there's a string here" "I'm not overthinking as such, it's more that I enjoy analysing this stuff. It's true that there are strings where you least expect in so called NSA relationships. An arrangement for a meet is arguably a string. And for us that's a string that is attached very securely because we never let anybody down. Others will not want a string attached when it comes to arranging a meet, because a string attached means they can't back out. Some will regard a certain level of friendship as too much of an attached string, but other find that can make that mental divide. To some NSA includes much more of what goes on during the meet. NSA to us is only related to what happens in between meets, but we probably do quite like a few strings for the duration of the meet. | |||
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"Op I think you're over thinking things, says he, the greatest over thinker of all time A string is simply a string. You play NSA then come across a string and say "uh oh there's a string here". For one person that may merely be feeling a bit too keen to want to meet a particular playmate again "uh oh there's a string here... I'm becoming too needy of this person". For someone else it may be the kind of things you point out. Whilst someone else may not feel any of these things are strings, even feeling friendship and emotional connection, but suddenly find themselves being asked to wash the dishes before they leave and it's suddenly "uh oh there's a string here"
I'm not overthinking as such, it's more that I enjoy analysing this stuff. It's true that there are strings where you least expect in so called NSA relationships. An arrangement for a meet is arguably a string. And for us that's a string that is attached very securely because we never let anybody down. Others will not want a string attached when it comes to arranging a meet, because a string attached means they can't back out. Some will regard a certain level of friendship as too much of an attached string, but other find that can make that mental divide. To some NSA includes much more of what goes on during the meet. NSA to us is only related to what happens in between meets, but we probably do quite like a few strings for the duration of the meet. "My comment was more that you seem to be trying to pin down something that may not only vary from person to person but situation to situation. I feel a string is simply whatever you feel is a string. You can suggest potential strings in potential hypothetical situations but that, to me is over thinking it... a string is simply a tie, draw or expectation of some sort that is unwanted. That can take a myriad of forms, some of which may be entirely unexpected. Don't get me wrong... it's fun reading yours and others ideas of potential strings. But I don't know if it carries anything more than entertainment value... which of course is a value of sorts on here  | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. " This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me. | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs" I want a nice group of fellas that I can see regularly, as I think the sex gets better As long as the fellas are honest there's no expectation of how often I see them and they can change their mind whenever they like. Some I have regular communication with, not just discussing our sex life. Everyone is different as to what they want. Honest communication is essential It's working so well for me xx | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs" This I agree with as NSA. But in my mind there should always be one string attached, that is respect. I've seen too many people treat others abysmally and then say "but it's NSA". As if that absolves them from acting with basic human decency x | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs This I agree with as NSA. But in my mind there should always be one string attached, that is respect. I've seen too many people treat others abysmally and then say "but it's NSA". As if that absolves them from acting with basic human decency x" define respect and treating abysmally is this regard though? | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs I want a nice group of fellas that I can see regularly, as I think the sex gets better As long as the fellas are honest there's no expectation of how often I see them and they can change their mind whenever they like. Some I have regular communication with, not just discussing our sex life. Everyone is different as to what they want. Honest communication is essential It's working so well for me xx"Best definition of how I think it should work. Just substitute gals for fellas. | |||
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"its no strings attached ............not attracted" And you still could?  | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs I want a nice group of fellas that I can see regularly, as I think the sex gets better As long as the fellas are honest there's no expectation of how often I see them and they can change their mind whenever they like. Some I have regular communication with, not just discussing our sex life. Everyone is different as to what they want. Honest communication is essential It's working so well for me xx
Best definition of how I think it should work. Just substitute gals for fellas.
"I've managed to find a lovely group of fellas who feel the same. I'm having such a great time 
Fab pics btw xx | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs This I agree with as NSA. But in my mind there should always be one string attached, that is respect. I've seen too many people treat others abysmally and then say "but it's NSA". As if that absolves them from acting with basic human decency xdefine respect and treating abysmally is this regard though? " If someone just does not show up and thinks that's ok as "it's NSA" If someone puts no effort in as they don't feel they have to, as "it's NSA" If someone writes dodgy updates or talks about someone else after a meet, thinking it's ok as "it was just NSA" so why should they care about the other persons feelings? All examples of poor behaviour I have seen that others justified with the NSA mantra. Of course this being "poor behaviour" is my own opinion. But I am fairly sure many would agree with me on that. | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me. "Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again. | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again. "That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open "So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open"Who said anything about weekly or a chore? No, I expect them to *want* to keep in touch with me and vice versa. If I don't even think of someone for a year, I don't want to fuck them again. If they don't even think of me for a year, then I don't want to fuck them either. That a bit clearer for you? | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open"Who said weekly ? Not me. My plants are cactus so only need water occasionally | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open
Who said anything about weekly or a chore? No, I expect them to *want* to keep in touch with me and vice versa. If I don't even think of someone for a year, I don't want to fuck them again. If they don't even think of me for a year, then I don't want to fuck them either. That a bit clearer for you?"I think it's hard to keep passion alive if there is no effort to keep in touch from time to time. But with NSA a text conversation might take place because both parties want to chat. There might be another chat in a few days or it might be a few months. But if there is a requirement for a weekly chat then it starts to feel like a string. The advantage of no strings is that you only do thing because you want to, not because you have to. | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs This I agree with as NSA. But in my mind there should always be one string attached, that is respect. I've seen too many people treat others abysmally and then say "but it's NSA". As if that absolves them from acting with basic human decency xdefine respect and treating abysmally is this regard though? " For me abysmal treatment is not honouring a meet once arrangements are met. There is a feeling on the swing scene that it's only NSA so if something better comes up, or if vanilla friends make a demand then it's perfectly ok to cancel. This is where we do insist on there being a string very securely attached. I won't put any demands on a playmates after we have said goodbye at the end of the evening, but they have to turn up and turn up on time and within reason meet our expectations. And we treat our playmates with the same respect. And that's probably why my definition of NSA is associated with behaviour in between meets. For the duration of the meet there are strings. | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open
Who said weekly ? Not me. My plants are cactus so only need water occasionally "Replace weekly with whatever time period you define "occasionally" as. But the way its been put forward its just a requurement to keep you as a booty call and thus it becomes a perfunctory chore | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs I want a nice group of fellas that I can see regularly, as I think the sex gets better As long as the fellas are honest there's no expectation of how often I see them and they can change their mind whenever they like. Some I have regular communication with, not just discussing our sex life. Everyone is different as to what they want. Honest communication is essential It's working so well for me xx"I have two at the moment. Semi-regular, one for 2 years, the other for 1 year. Often large gaps if they or we are busy. But because it's NSA those gaps are allowed. It's nice to have friends that you know you can come back to and carry on where you left off, but at the same time there are no demands or restrictions on freedom. If one of them gets a girlfriend I guess the party's over, and I've had to endure that before. But while it lasts I do feel I get the best of both worlds. | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open
Who said weekly ? Not me. My plants are cactus so only need water occasionally
Replace weekly with whatever time period you define "occasionally" as.
But the way its been put forward its just a requurement to keep you as a booty call and thus it becomes a perfunctory chore "If it's a chore then nobody should do it. I text a playmate if I want to. If they are busy, I'll respect that, but if not they are always pleased to hear from me. Likewise, they will text me if they are in the mood, and presentable because it will have been a while I'll be extremely pleased to hear from them too. Usually a bit of sexual banter will take place and that will make me want another session with them. Making it a duty though is no good for anyone, and that's when it ceases to be NSA. | |||
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"No expectation and no contact between meets other than to set up a meet." Definitely a no no for me | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open "My sentiments exactly. And anyone who doesn't want to bother with this, well they just inevitably fall off my radar. | |||
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"To me NSA means fuck and go...Someone for whom emotions matter little and who doesn't mind if you play with most of Scotland. Who is not remotely interested in you as a person. Anyone with NSA on their profile is not for me. Simple " You see i don't consider emotions and friendship as an attached string. They can easily become attached, and that's where people have to be careful. Our regulars are NSA, but certainly not 'fuck and go'. | |||
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"The advantage of no strings is that you only do thing because you want to, not because you have to. " You're forgetting, the string of all strings is emotional involvement... "you want to" meet someone more than is healthy. So you can have a string that's a want or a string that's an obligation or expectation. You can even have a string that's an agreed arrangement that you yourself suggested but no longer feel is right. The only pattern to all this is a string makes you feel claustrophobic about the situation. So you're looking at this backwards. NSA isn't about strings. It's about walking away. The agreement isn't that there won't be strings or expectations... there always are if we're remotely normal human beings. Instead, it's that, should either party begin to feel claustrophobic about any aspect of the situation, calling that claustrophobia a "string", then it's been maturely agreed up front that they are freely entitled to walk away from it, even if the other party doesn't feel claustrophobic about it at all, without getting any emotional mud slung at them in response. So you see it's not about expecting no strings... it's about expecting people to be easy come easy go and not holding that against them as anything personal There isn't a rule book of what a string is that we can refer to and tell the person walking away that their string isn't an officially recognised string. NSA is about letting them go gracefully. It was clearly a string to them even if it wasn't to you. Be nice and they may come back another day | |||
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"The advantage of no strings is that you only do thing because you want to, not because you have to. You're forgetting, the string of all strings is emotional involvement... "you want to" meet someone more than is healthy. So you can have a string that's a want or a string that's an obligation or expectation. You can even have a string that's an agreed arrangement that you yourself suggested but no longer feel is right. The only pattern to all this is a string makes you feel claustrophobic about the situation. So you're looking at this backwards. NSA isn't about strings. It's about walking away. The agreement isn't that there won't be strings or expectations... there always are if we're remotely normal human beings. Instead, it's that, should either party begin to feel claustrophobic about any aspect of the situation, calling that claustrophobia a "string", then it's been maturely agreed up front that they are freely entitled to walk away from it, even if the other party doesn't feel claustrophobic about it at all, without getting any emotional mud slung at them in response. So you see it's not about expecting no strings... it's about expecting people to be easy come easy go and not holding that against them as anything personal There isn't a rule book of what a string is that we can refer to and tell the person walking away that their string isn't an officially recognised string. NSA is about letting them go gracefully. It was clearly a string to them even if it wasn't to you. Be nice and they may come back another day "That's very true | |||
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"No expectation and no contact between meets other than to set up a meet. Definitely a no no for me" Anything else is strings, however we choose to dress it up. | |||
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"Nsa is full fuck and go for me. Then theres fuck buddies, chat on whatsapp etc but meeting is mainly just for sex. Friends with benefits ranges from matey activities to basically a full relationship without the commitment. The high end of FWB is where things can get messy regarding jealousy and hurt feelings etc. Key to it is honest communication " Exactly. I have virtually no interest in nsa. | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs This I agree with as NSA. But in my mind there should always be one string attached, that is respect. I've seen too many people treat others abysmally and then say "but it's NSA". As if that absolves them from acting with basic human decency x" Yes, it is used as an excuse for bad behaviour sometimes. I expect honesty, respect and common courtesy as a baseline in human decency! | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open
Who said anything about weekly or a chore? No, I expect them to *want* to keep in touch with me and vice versa. If I don't even think of someone for a year, I don't want to fuck them again. If they don't even think of me for a year, then I don't want to fuck them either. That a bit clearer for you?"Yup, exactly. Sometimes life gets busy and people pick things up and put them down of course, but if someone can't be bothered then neither can I!  | |||
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"what if someone does start giving you shit though? like questioning you on stuff you've done and getting all pissy about it. more than once also. you still NSA then?" If someone starts getting all pissy and possessive then that person has allowed a string to form. | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open
Who said anything about weekly or a chore? No, I expect them to *want* to keep in touch with me and vice versa. If I don't even think of someone for a year, I don't want to fuck them again. If they don't even think of me for a year, then I don't want to fuck them either. That a bit clearer for you?
Yup, exactly. Sometimes life gets busy and people pick things up and put them down of course, but if someone can't be bothered then neither can I! "And yet for a yesr to pass like this both sides must not have bothered. | |||
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"what if someone does start giving you shit though? like questioning you on stuff you've done and getting all pissy about it. more than once also. you still NSA then?" Replace them. That's kinda the number one frature of NSA. | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open
Who said anything about weekly or a chore? No, I expect them to *want* to keep in touch with me and vice versa. If I don't even think of someone for a year, I don't want to fuck them again. If they don't even think of me for a year, then I don't want to fuck them either. That a bit clearer for you?
Yup, exactly. Sometimes life gets busy and people pick things up and put them down of course, but if someone can't be bothered then neither can I!
And yet for a yesr to pass like this both sides must not have bothered.
"Indeed - but I am the primal prey | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open
Who said anything about weekly or a chore? No, I expect them to *want* to keep in touch with me and vice versa. If I don't even think of someone for a year, I don't want to fuck them again. If they don't even think of me for a year, then I don't want to fuck them either. That a bit clearer for you?
Yup, exactly. Sometimes life gets busy and people pick things up and put them down of course, but if someone can't be bothered then neither can I!
And yet for a yesr to pass like this both sides must not have bothered.
"Yes. Clearly. As I said. | |||
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"So different with couples compared to single ladies. Couples message you when they want to meet, single ladies want to text about everyday life etc. Again just reinforces my theory that genuine single women are mostly seeking relationships." I think that's because an attached lady has her partner to channel her emotional needs into, thus any form of sexual relationship with other men can be enjoyed without the risk of any emotional element turning into neediness. I would be the first to admit that if I were single I would become more emotional dependent on one of my lovers. But think it goes both ways. Because I am married, men don't get possessive with me having other partners because they know I'll never be his anyway. I suspect if I were single I would experience jealousy and possessiveness from an FWB. Yes women have a natural desire for an emotional relationship, but men have a natural tendency for possessiveness. How many men can honestly say that they don't get pissed off when their friend with benefits has sex with another man? | |||
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"So different with couples compared to single ladies. Couples message you when they want to meet, single ladies want to text about everyday life etc. Again just reinforces my theory that genuine single women are mostly seeking relationships. " I'm married and in no way looking for a relationship. But I like people who will message me about more than just when to meet. I've had plenty of one-offs, but all of them had some kind of build up, something more than just making arrangements. If all I want is a penis to have sex with, then I'll stay at home and use a dildo. | |||
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"So different with couples compared to single ladies. Couples message you when they want to meet, single ladies want to text about everyday life etc. Again just reinforces my theory that genuine single women are mostly seeking relationships. I'm married and in no way looking for a relationship. But I like people who will message me about more than just when to meet. I've had plenty of one-offs, but all of them had some kind of build up, something more than just making arrangements. If all I want is a penis to have sex with, then I'll stay at home and use a dildo. " Maybe the reason so many men seek 'fuck and go' is, not just because of the risk that women start demanding more, but because men often get jealous and possessive the minute the sexual encounter becomes a bit more meaningful. | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs" I would agree with that definition of NSA, anything more than that gets into fuck buddy or relationship statuses | |||
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"So different with couples compared to single ladies. Couples message you when they want to meet, single ladies want to text about everyday life etc. Again just reinforces my theory that genuine single women are mostly seeking relationships. I'm married and in no way looking for a relationship. But I like people who will message me about more than just when to meet. I've had plenty of one-offs, but all of them had some kind of build up, something more than just making arrangements. If all I want is a penis to have sex with, then I'll stay at home and use a dildo. " I just use the phone to set meets can talk about everyday stuff etc on the actual meet. In my experience it hasnt done any harm women like it if you are a bit mysterious but direct when you wanna meet. I'm not some gay best friend to chat to. | |||
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"To me NSA means fuck and go...Someone for whom emotions matter little and who doesn't mind if you play with most of Scotland. Who is not remotely interested in you as a person. Anyone with NSA on their profile is not for me. Simple You see i don't consider emotions and friendship as an attached string. They can easily become attached, and that's where people have to be careful. Our regulars are NSA, but certainly not 'fuck and go'. " You see emotions are part of the sex for.me I'm afraid. I need to build up a rapport before engaging in sex. I need to like the guy and feel he likes me in return..Otherwise I would feel used. That's me and I know it wont be the case for some others | |||
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"To me NSA means fuck and go...Someone for whom emotions matter little and who doesn't mind if you play with most of Scotland. Who is not remotely interested in you as a person. Anyone with NSA on their profile is not for me. Simple You see i don't consider emotions and friendship as an attached string. They can easily become attached, and that's where people have to be careful. Our regulars are NSA, but certainly not 'fuck and go'. You see emotions are part of the sex for.me I'm afraid. I need to build up a rapport before engaging in sex. I need to like the guy and feel he likes me in return..Otherwise I would feel used. That's me and I know it wont be the case for some others" I agree, emotions make sex so much better, so the challenge for me is to have the emotions without attaching strings. On including emotions in the experience and building a rapport, do you then regard it as a 'normal' relationship with a requirement for regular guaranteed meets. Or are you happy to maintain the NSA element after saying goodbye at the end of the meet? Do you find jealousy on either side is ever an issue once emotions come into the equation? | |||
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"I agree, emotions make sex so much better, so the challenge for me is to have the emotions without attaching strings. On including emotions in the experience and building a rapport, do you then regard it as a 'normal' relationship with a requirement for regular guaranteed meets. Or are you happy to maintain the NSA element after saying goodbye at the end of the meet? Do you find jealousy on either side is ever an issue once emotions come into the equation? " There seem to be a number of us that like to be emotionally involved with a sexual partner (even if it's just a little bit). So it follows that the negative emotions will be hanging around the place also. For me this is the big difference, you have to recognise them for what they are, i.e. not relevant to this person/relationship, and put them aside. Obviously easier said than done sometimes. But if you can't deal with that particular set of emotions and feeling you might not be in the right place... | |||
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"This thread has shown a curious lack of maturity about this core issue. It all seems a bit bunny boiler to me. You've got some people saying, just because a meet is asking certain questions or making certain requests, "oh no they've formed a string... time to run a mile". Then you've got some saying just because a meet has been out of touch for a while it must be a personal insult of sorts. Both responses seem hysterical. Perhaps this is why so many normal people on Fab act so weird. It's really simple. You don't own me. I don't own you. So long as we're both allowed to walk away whenever we feel like it and for whatever reason, and the other person agrees to be mature and not take it personally, then let's have a bit of sexy fun together. " I don't think it's hysterical to want to keep in touch with someone between meets. I'm sorry that so many people see this as excessively demanding but I just can't go in completely cold. It just doesn't work for me. I personally don't think expecting someone to reply to a message every few months is excessive - but hopefully those who do will just steer clear of this bunny boiler. | |||
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"This thread has shown a curious lack of maturity about this core issue. It all seems a bit bunny boiler to me. You've got some people saying, just because a meet is asking certain questions or making certain requests, "oh no they've formed a string... time to run a mile". Then you've got some saying just because a meet has been out of touch for a while it must be a personal insult of sorts. Both responses seem hysterical. Perhaps this is why so many normal people on Fab act so weird. It's really simple. You don't own me. I don't own you. So long as we're both allowed to walk away whenever we feel like it and for whatever reason, and the other person agrees to be mature and not take it personally, then let's have a bit of sexy fun together. I don't think it's hysterical to want to keep in touch with someone between meets. I'm sorry that so many people see this as excessively demanding but I just can't go in completely cold. It just doesn't work for me. I personally don't think expecting someone to reply to a message every few months is excessive - but hopefully those who do will just steer clear of this bunny boiler. " It's not your expectations I'm referring to. For you, keeping in touch isn't a string. It's your conclusions about the other person i.e they haven't been in touch therefore they don't really like me. I would agree they're not compatible. But you can't assume they're not into you if they've failed to keep in touch via an NSA site. The flaw in the op's thinking is that there is such a thing as a string. A string is whatever you want. For you messaging isn't a string. For someone else it is. But for another person it isn't... and those are the types of playmates you're looking for. As I said before... a string is simply something that makes you feel claustrophobic... whatever that might be | |||
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"This thread has shown a curious lack of maturity about this core issue. It all seems a bit bunny boiler to me. You've got some people saying, just because a meet is asking certain questions or making certain requests, "oh no they've formed a string... time to run a mile". Then you've got some saying just because a meet has been out of touch for a while it must be a personal insult of sorts. Both responses seem hysterical. Perhaps this is why so many normal people on Fab act so weird. It's really simple. You don't own me. I don't own you. So long as we're both allowed to walk away whenever we feel like it and for whatever reason, and the other person agrees to be mature and not take it personally, then let's have a bit of sexy fun together. I don't think it's hysterical to want to keep in touch with someone between meets. I'm sorry that so many people see this as excessively demanding but I just can't go in completely cold. It just doesn't work for me. I personally don't think expecting someone to reply to a message every few months is excessive - but hopefully those who do will just steer clear of this bunny boiler. It's not your expectations I'm referring to. For you, keeping in touch isn't a string. It's your conclusions about the other person i.e they haven't been in touch therefore they don't really like me. I would agree they're not compatible. But you can't assume they're not into you if they've failed to keep in touch via an NSA site. The flaw in the op's thinking is that there is such a thing as a string. A string is whatever you want. For you messaging isn't a string. For someone else it is. But for another person it isn't... and those are the types of playmates you're looking for. As I said before... a string is simply something that makes you feel claustrophobic... whatever that might be " I broadly agree with you - but I fail to believe anyone who doesn't get in contact for a year is remotely interested in seeing me again. | |||
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"My point is that there is no guide book of strings (the premise of this whole thread). There is no way of predicting what will and what won't be a string to someone. Indeed, you don't even really know your own strings (another premise of this thread) until you meet them. So all you can really do is realise the equality of the relationship, be mature and don't expect too much from it, communicate clearly with each other when things start to feel claustrophobic, and let people come and go without holding any grudge against them. This thread is what happens when you try to analyse and categorize nebulous emotional issues into separate simple boxes. It just ends up getting super complex and messing with people's heads. And that, incidentally, is why I'm (broadly speaking) anti-psychiatry too. " And that's why I started the thread. I'm curious about what strings are to different people. | |||
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"My point is that there is no guide book of strings (the premise of this whole thread). There is no way of predicting what will and what won't be a string to someone. Indeed, you don't even really know your own strings (another premise of this thread) until you meet them. So all you can really do is realise the equality of the relationship, be mature and don't expect too much from it, communicate clearly with each other when things start to feel claustrophobic, and let people come and go without holding any grudge against them. This thread is what happens when you try to analyse and categorize nebulous emotional issues into separate simple boxes. It just ends up getting super complex and messing with people's heads. And that, incidentally, is why I'm (broadly speaking) anti-psychiatry too. And that's why I started the thread. I'm curious about what strings are to different people. " They are different things at different times and in different situations none of which can be predicted until we get there. Does that answer your question? It's like asking what people find offensive. You can supply examples but you can't decide what is and isn't offensive through them. And no matter how many were cited the list would be far from exhaustive and some things on the list might not be offensive in some situations and some things that aren't offensive might be if done the wrong way. | |||
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"This thread has shown a curious lack of maturity about this core issue. It all seems a bit bunny boiler to me. You've got some people saying, just because a meet is asking certain questions or making certain requests, "oh no they've formed a string... time to run a mile". Then you've got some saying just because a meet has been out of touch for a while it must be a personal insult of sorts. Both responses seem hysterical. Perhaps this is why so many normal people on Fab act so weird. It's really simple. You don't own me. I don't own you. So long as we're both allowed to walk away whenever we feel like it and for whatever reason, and the other person agrees to be mature and not take it personally, then let's have a bit of sexy fun together. " | |||
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" I broadly agree with you - but I fail to believe anyone who doesn't get in contact for a year is remotely interested in seeing me again. " I recently met up for fun with a women i hadn't heard from for nearly 2 years. The previous time was 2 or 3 meets after a gap of about a year. I never contact her, I think she gets in touch between relationships. It works as a nice little arrangement and the sex is great. | |||
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"My point is that there is no guide book of strings (the premise of this whole thread). There is no way of predicting what will and what won't be a string to someone. Indeed, you don't even really know your own strings (another premise of this thread) until you meet them. So all you can really do is realise the equality of the relationship, be mature and don't expect too much from it, communicate clearly with each other when things start to feel claustrophobic, and let people come and go without holding any grudge against them. This thread is what happens when you try to analyse and categorize nebulous emotional issues into separate simple boxes. It just ends up getting super complex and messing with people's heads. And that, incidentally, is why I'm (broadly speaking) anti-psychiatry too. And that's why I started the thread. I'm curious about what strings are to different people. They are different things at different times and in different situations none of which can be predicted until we get there. Does that answer your question? It's like asking what people find offensive. You can supply examples but you can't decide what is and isn't offensive through them. And no matter how many were cited the list would be far from exhaustive and some things on the list might not be offensive in some situations and some things that aren't offensive might be if done the wrong way. " I knew all that. I just thought it would be interesting to have a discussion about it, and learn other people's views. Wasn't really searching for a particular answer | |||
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"This thread has shown a curious lack of maturity about this core issue. It all seems a bit bunny boiler to me. You've got some people saying, just because a meet is asking certain questions or making certain requests, "oh no they've formed a string... time to run a mile". Then you've got some saying just because a meet has been out of touch for a while it must be a personal insult of sorts. Both responses seem hysterical. Perhaps this is why so many normal people on Fab act so weird. It's really simple. You don't own me. I don't own you. So long as we're both allowed to walk away whenever we feel like it and for whatever reason, and the other person agrees to be mature and not take it personally, then let's have a bit of sexy fun together. I don't think it's hysterical to want to keep in touch with someone between meets. I'm sorry that so many people see this as excessively demanding but I just can't go in completely cold. It just doesn't work for me. I personally don't think expecting someone to reply to a message every few months is excessive - but hopefully those who do will just steer clear of this bunny boiler. It's not your expectations I'm referring to. For you, keeping in touch isn't a string. It's your conclusions about the other person i.e they haven't been in touch therefore they don't really like me. I would agree they're not compatible. But you can't assume they're not into you if they've failed to keep in touch via an NSA site. The flaw in the op's thinking is that there is such a thing as a string. A string is whatever you want. For you messaging isn't a string. For someone else it is. But for another person it isn't... and those are the types of playmates you're looking for. As I said before... a string is simply something that makes you feel claustrophobic... whatever that might be I broadly agree with you - but I fail to believe anyone who doesn't get in contact for a year is remotely interested in seeing me again. " I think if someone didn't contact us for a year I would be prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt that their life may had changed. Perhaps got a girlfriend for that time. But if I knew they were regularly playing but showed no interest in us, I might be a bit sceptical if they suddenly came back. As a couple, we find the onus is often on us to keep in touch. Obviously we'd back off if the response was lukewarm. | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet." The op sets up the idea that there are numerous forms of NSA sex. It then asks "what is a string?" In response to this it offers a specific idea of what a string is as a potential answer. It struck me as having the pretence of wanting to nail down what a string is by asking others opinions. As many people concurred with the initial definition there was the sense that perhaps this is an authorative definition of a string. That's why I started adding to this thread as I felt it had the potential to confuse people and make them think they're strings were wrong... as it has since gone on to do. I'm really only reacting to the premises of the whole thread. It's nothing personal | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. The op sets up the idea that there are numerous forms of NSA sex. It then asks "what is a string?" In response to this it offers a specific idea of what a string is as a potential answer. It struck me as having the pretence of wanting to nail down what a string is by asking others opinions. As many people concurred with the initial definition there was the sense that perhaps this is an authorative definition of a string. That's why I started adding to this thread as I felt it had the potential to confuse people and make them think they're strings were wrong... as it has since gone on to do. I'm really only reacting to the premises of the whole thread. It's nothing personal "Its a valuable point that strings are personal to the individual, which I hadn't articulated in that way. But I think this is what this thread has shown in the different views that have been expressed. Shows the importance of knowing ones limitations, and also seeking playmates with a similar outlook. | |||
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"Its a valuable point that strings are personal to the individual, which I hadn't articulated in that way. But I think this is what this thread has shown in the different views that have been expressed. Shows the importance of knowing ones limitations, and also seeking playmates with a similar outlook. " Cool But do you also accept that your own ideas of what strings are to you may vary over time, from person to person, and in different situations?
You may, for example, decide to try something really kinky. There someone may inform you quite explicitly what you must do on the next meet to serve them. They may insist you send them naughty pictures every day in the run up. And finally may insist you not have sex with your partner until after the meet. You may find all of this utterly kinky and delicious because of the person who's doing it and the place you're in at the time. And yet there go your three strings. | |||
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"Its a valuable point that strings are personal to the individual, which I hadn't articulated in that way. But I think this is what this thread has shown in the different views that have been expressed. Shows the importance of knowing ones limitations, and also seeking playmates with a similar outlook. Cool But do you also accept that your own ideas of what strings are to you may vary over time, from person to person, and in different situations?
You may, for example, decide to try something really kinky. There someone may inform you quite explicitly what you must do on the next meet to serve them. They may insist you send them naughty pictures every day in the run up. And finally may insist you not have sex with your partner until after the meet. You may find all of this utterly kinky and delicious because of the person who's doing it and the place you're in at the time. And yet there go your three strings. "Yes I've been in a number of situations like what you describe and there were indeed strings attached at the time due to the arrangement, which later caused problems. Although I never claimed that those relationships were NSA, I think my personal view of what is NSA for me hasn't changed, but I'm more aware of my limitations. | |||
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"To me NSA means fuck and go...Someone for whom emotions matter little and who doesn't mind if you play with most of Scotland. Who is not remotely interested in you as a person. Anyone with NSA on their profile is not for me. Simple You see i don't consider emotions and friendship as an attached string. They can easily become attached, and that's where people have to be careful. Our regulars are NSA, but certainly not 'fuck and go'. You see emotions are part of the sex for.me I'm afraid. I need to build up a rapport before engaging in sex. I need to like the guy and feel he likes me in return..Otherwise I would feel used. That's me and I know it wont be the case for some others I agree, emotions make sex so much better, so the challenge for me is to have the emotions without attaching strings. On including emotions in the experience and building a rapport, do you then regard it as a 'normal' relationship with a requirement for regular guaranteed meets. Or are you happy to maintain the NSA element after saying goodbye at the end of the meet? Do you find jealousy on either side is ever an issue once emotions come into the equation? " Good point. I had this with my fb who is not on here but on my early verifications and I was very very fond of him. However it didn't extend to me feeling jealous if we went to clubs and parties. I was happy for him to play. However he was jealous of me with other guys so reluctantly I decided to draw a line under it and he has now met a lady from a conventional dating site which I wanted him to do. But I do miss him! | |||
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"Its a valuable point that strings are personal to the individual, which I hadn't articulated in that way. But I think this is what this thread has shown in the different views that have been expressed. Shows the importance of knowing ones limitations, and also seeking playmates with a similar outlook. Cool But do you also accept that your own ideas of what strings are to you may vary over time, from person to person, and in different situations?
You may, for example, decide to try something really kinky. There someone may inform you quite explicitly what you must do on the next meet to serve them. They may insist you send them naughty pictures every day in the run up. And finally may insist you not have sex with your partner until after the meet. You may find all of this utterly kinky and delicious because of the person who's doing it and the place you're in at the time. And yet there go your three strings.
Yes I've been in a number of situations like what you describe and there were indeed strings attached at the time due to the arrangement, which later caused problems. Although I never claimed that those relationships were NSA, I think my personal view of what is NSA for me hasn't changed, but I'm more aware of my limitations."Just to clarify. Are you telling me the scenario I described is not NSA? Not to you or not in general? Because it is NSA... it's just kinky cuckold style NSA. Strings aren't strings if you don't think they're strings. Damn all this string theory | |||
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"To me NSA means fuck and go...Someone for whom emotions matter little and who doesn't mind if you play with most of Scotland. Who is not remotely interested in you as a person. Anyone with NSA on their profile is not for me. Simple You see i don't consider emotions and friendship as an attached string. They can easily become attached, and that's where people have to be careful. Our regulars are NSA, but certainly not 'fuck and go'. You see emotions are part of the sex for.me I'm afraid. I need to build up a rapport before engaging in sex. I need to like the guy and feel he likes me in return..Otherwise I would feel used. That's me and I know it wont be the case for some others I agree, emotions make sex so much better, so the challenge for me is to have the emotions without attaching strings. On including emotions in the experience and building a rapport, do you then regard it as a 'normal' relationship with a requirement for regular guaranteed meets. Or are you happy to maintain the NSA element after saying goodbye at the end of the meet? Do you find jealousy on either side is ever an issue once emotions come into the equation? Good point. I had this with my fb who is not on here but on my early verifications and I was very very fond of him. However it didn't extend to me feeling jealous if we went to clubs and parties. I was happy for him to play. However he was jealous of me with other guys so reluctantly I decided to draw a line under it and he has now met a lady from a conventional dating site which I wanted him to do. But I do miss him!" I suspect this is why some people prefer to keep NSA type sex purely non-emotional, due to the risk of someone getting jealous. I like to think I have the ability to control jealousy, hence enjoy the benefits that a bit of emotion adds to the sexual experience. Its always a shame for all concerned when an otherwise excellent partner can't combine sex and emotion without getting jealous or needy. I guess you both missed out. But at least your friend is happy. | |||
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"For me no strings means no connection to everyday life, so not someone I know, work with, live next door to, anything like that. It's relationships that can be put back in their box when I want them to be, and both parties understand that's the way it is and the way it will always be. I do want communication between meets, to talk about non-sex things, sometimes to go for a drink or a coffee or do something that isn't just purely sex, but personally I don't class those as strings. I'm sure they would be for others. This
I'm by no way a needy person but it doesn't hurt to have the odd quick "hi , how's things" in between meets. Otherwise it's a bit to clinical for me.
Someone I met once messaged me after a year of no contact saying "I'm free a week on Monday"...that's what does nothing for me, I can't just go in completely cold. Whereas there was another guy where a year passed between meets but we checked in with one another every so often and kept enough interest running that we wanted to meet again.
That's exactly what I mean. No contact at all apart from when they want a meet is a turn off. A quick check in occasionally isn't too much to ask for I don't think. More like common courtesy to keep the lines of communication open
So essentially you feel like you should be a weekly chore like watering the plants or feeding the fish to keep the option open
Who said anything about weekly or a chore? No, I expect them to *want* to keep in touch with me and vice versa. If I don't even think of someone for a year, I don't want to fuck them again. If they don't even think of me for a year, then I don't want to fuck them either. That a bit clearer for you?" | |||
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"Its a valuable point that strings are personal to the individual, which I hadn't articulated in that way. But I think this is what this thread has shown in the different views that have been expressed. Shows the importance of knowing ones limitations, and also seeking playmates with a similar outlook. Cool But do you also accept that your own ideas of what strings are to you may vary over time, from person to person, and in different situations?
You may, for example, decide to try something really kinky. There someone may inform you quite explicitly what you must do on the next meet to serve them. They may insist you send them naughty pictures every day in the run up. And finally may insist you not have sex with your partner until after the meet. You may find all of this utterly kinky and delicious because of the person who's doing it and the place you're in at the time. And yet there go your three strings.
Yes I've been in a number of situations like what you describe and there were indeed strings attached at the time due to the arrangement, which later caused problems. Although I never claimed that those relationships were NSA, I think my personal view of what is NSA for me hasn't changed, but I'm more aware of my limitations.
Just to clarify. Are you telling me the scenario I described is not NSA? Not to you or not in general? Because it is NSA... it's just kinky cuckold style NSA. Strings aren't strings if you don't think they're strings.
Damn all this string theory "No in my experience it's not been NSA. But as you said it's all personal to the individual. If it's NSA I don't expect to have to defer to someone. | |||
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"To me NSA means fuck and go...Someone for whom emotions matter little and who doesn't mind if you play with most of Scotland. Who is not remotely interested in you as a person. Anyone with NSA on their profile is not for me. Simple You see i don't consider emotions and friendship as an attached string. They can easily become attached, and that's where people have to be careful. Our regulars are NSA, but certainly not 'fuck and go'. You see emotions are part of the sex for.me I'm afraid. I need to build up a rapport before engaging in sex. I need to like the guy and feel he likes me in return..Otherwise I would feel used. That's me and I know it wont be the case for some others" I don't feel used, but it does not thrill me, and I need some depth of passion to give of my best. | |||
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"No in my experience it's not been NSA. But as you said it's all personal to the individual. If it's NSA I don't expect to have to defer to someone. " What I'm also trying to explain is it's not only different for each person but it's different in different situations. You seem to have ruled that cuckold and bdsm isn't NSA when it quite clearly is. Perhaps you're simply saying that if you had such an encounter it would feel like strings attached to you. Would you think lesser of the person attaching those strings even though they're only strings in your mind? And what about the possibility that you have such an encounter and didn't feel they were strings in that specific scenario... would you still insist on calling them strings? It just seems a very odd and inflexible outlook | |||
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"No in my experience it's not been NSA. But as you said it's all personal to the individual. If it's NSA I don't expect to have to defer to someone. What I'm also trying to explain is it's not only different for each person but it's different in different situations. You seem to have ruled that cuckold and bdsm isn't NSA when it quite clearly is. Perhaps you're simply saying that if you had such an encounter it would feel like strings attached to you. Would you think lesser of the person attaching those strings even though they're only strings in your mind? And what about the possibility that you have such an encounter and didn't feel they were strings in that specific scenario... would you still insist on calling them strings? It just seems a very odd and inflexible outlook " When we were involved in that we didn't want NSA. There was an expectation to meet and communicate on an extremely regular basis, similar expectations to that of a vanilla relationship in my opinion. These experiences are with different men, all of whom I suspect have varying views about the situation. I could explain better, but that would mean giving examples which is a bit personal for the public forum. So I'm just going to have to leave it that to me, those relationships were not NSA and neither did me or my husband want them to be. | |||
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"What I'm trying to get at is... If we imagine the scenario that the op asked the question "what is morally good?" and then suggested a fixed definition of what it might be... So far I've won you over to the concession that "moral goodness" means something different to different people... So you've met me half way... But I've yet to convince you that even your own ideas of "moral goodness" would differ depending on the specifics of any particular scenario. Once you recognise that... you'll realise the folly of trying to pin down what "moral goodness" is. Of course all that is just an analogy but I hope it clarifies why I'm still here bashing away lol. I realise I've already talked myself out of a shag but I'm still holding onto the hope you may just shove your pussy in my mouth to shut me up "I don't know, I'd have to analyse every single sexual situation I've had since being on the swing scene to work out if my personal definition of NSA changes according to the situation. Off the top of my head I don't think it does, but maybe I'll remember a situation that proves otherwise. I have though always accepted that we all have different views, which is why I asked what other people's views were. Certainly don't doubt that other people might change according to the situation. | |||
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"I don't know, I'd have to analyse every single sexual situation I've had since being on the swing scene to work out if my personal definition of NSA changes according to the situation. Off the top of my head I don't think it does, but maybe I'll remember a situation that proves otherwise. I have though always accepted that we all have different views, which is why I asked what other people's views were. Certainly don't doubt that other people might change according to the situation. " It's not a question of if it has, it probably has, but rather whether it could. In the beginning we freaked at the idea that our meets were expecting us to come over to theirs and perform (note the claustrophobic language). That for us was a string at the time. We've since realised these vague expectations that something might happen are just part of trying to foster play (note the lack of claustrophobic language). You've suggested, among other facts, that there will never be an instance when someone messaging you between meets will be anything but a claustrophobic string for you. Surely it only takes a little imagination to think up a scenario where it wouldn't be claustrophobic and, so, wouldn't be a string? | |||
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"I don't know, I'd have to analyse every single sexual situation I've had since being on the swing scene to work out if my personal definition of NSA changes according to the situation. Off the top of my head I don't think it does, but maybe I'll remember a situation that proves otherwise. I have though always accepted that we all have different views, which is why I asked what other people's views were. Certainly don't doubt that other people might change according to the situation. It's not a question of if it has, it probably has, but rather whether it could. In the beginning we freaked at the idea that our meets were expecting us to come over to theirs and perform (note the claustrophobic language). That for us was a string at the time. We've since realised these vague expectations that something might happen are just part of trying to foster play (note the lack of claustrophobic language). You've suggested, among other facts, that there will never be an instance when someone messaging you between meets will be anything but a claustrophobic string for you. Surely it only takes a little imagination to think up a scenario where it wouldn't be claustrophobic and, so, wouldn't be a string? " Our journey has been different. We never freaked in the beginning about what we regarded as a string and actually encouraged such. However we have changed and what we seek now is more NSA. Feeling claustrophobic hasn't been a problem for me, and I enjoy a bit of regular text banter in between meets. But I don't expect it, I see it as a bonus if I get it. It would be bizarre if someone we regard as a friend didn't keep in occasional contact though. | |||
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"I don't know, I'd have to analyse every single sexual situation I've had since being on the swing scene to work out if my personal definition of NSA changes according to the situation. Off the top of my head I don't think it does, but maybe I'll remember a situation that proves otherwise. I have though always accepted that we all have different views, which is why I asked what other people's views were. Certainly don't doubt that other people might change according to the situation. It's not a question of if it has, it probably has, but rather whether it could. In the beginning we freaked at the idea that our meets were expecting us to come over to theirs and perform (note the claustrophobic language). That for us was a string at the time. We've since realised these vague expectations that something might happen are just part of trying to foster play (note the lack of claustrophobic language). You've suggested, among other facts, that there will never be an instance when someone messaging you between meets will be anything but a claustrophobic string for you. Surely it only takes a little imagination to think up a scenario where it wouldn't be claustrophobic and, so, wouldn't be a string? Our journey has been different. We never freaked in the beginning about what we regarded as a string and actually encouraged such. However we have changed and what we seek now is more NSA. Feeling claustrophobic hasn't been a problem for me, and I enjoy a bit of regular text banter in between meets. But I don't expect it, I see it as a bonus if I get it. It would be bizarre if someone we regard as a friend didn't keep in occasional contact though. " So you see... Just like us, your idea of what a string is has changed | |||
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"This thread has shown a curious lack of maturity about this core issue. It all seems a bit bunny boiler to me. You've got some people saying, just because a meet is asking certain questions or making certain requests, "oh no they've formed a string... time to run a mile". Then you've got some saying just because a meet has been out of touch for a while it must be a personal insult of sorts. Both responses seem hysterical. Perhaps this is why so many normal people on Fab act so weird. It's really simple. You don't own me. I don't own you. So long as we're both allowed to walk away whenever we feel like it and for whatever reason, and the other person agrees to be mature and not take it personally, then let's have a bit of sexy fun together. " Bit contradictory you say you're free to walk away but then call people hysterical for wanting to walk away when it becomes something they dont want any more | |||
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"I don't know, I'd have to analyse every single sexual situation I've had since being on the swing scene to work out if my personal definition of NSA changes according to the situation. Off the top of my head I don't think it does, but maybe I'll remember a situation that proves otherwise. I have though always accepted that we all have different views, which is why I asked what other people's views were. Certainly don't doubt that other people might change according to the situation. It's not a question of if it has, it probably has, but rather whether it could. In the beginning we freaked at the idea that our meets were expecting us to come over to theirs and perform (note the claustrophobic language). That for us was a string at the time. We've since realised these vague expectations that something might happen are just part of trying to foster play (note the lack of claustrophobic language). You've suggested, among other facts, that there will never be an instance when someone messaging you between meets will be anything but a claustrophobic string for you. Surely it only takes a little imagination to think up a scenario where it wouldn't be claustrophobic and, so, wouldn't be a string? Our journey has been different. We never freaked in the beginning about what we regarded as a string and actually encouraged such. However we have changed and what we seek now is more NSA. Feeling claustrophobic hasn't been a problem for me, and I enjoy a bit of regular text banter in between meets. But I don't expect it, I see it as a bonus if I get it. It would be bizarre if someone we regard as a friend didn't keep in occasional contact though. So you see... Just like us, your idea of what a string is has changed "No our desire for a string has changed. We used to want more strings than we do now. But what represents a string hasn't changed to the best of my knowledge. | |||
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"Bit contradictory you say you're free to walk away but then call people hysterical for wanting to walk away when it becomes something they dont want any more" We'd always advocate giving people the benefit of the doubt and talking things through. You may be getting the wrong end of the stick entirely and what appears to be a string actually isn't. We had one couple we really clicked with when we met up go really weird on us and throw their toys out of the pram when we messaged each other afterwards. They suddenly felt claustrophobic about everything we said no matter how nice and accommodating we tried to make it. Still to this day they've blocked us (I guess to try and delete their glowing veri of us)... all because they leaped to massively warped conclusions about us that, if they'd just calmly asked themselves "is what we've got in our minds really the couple we just met?" This to us is equally hysterical to being bunny boiler about things. That's what I was getting at | |||
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"what if someone does start giving you shit though? like questioning you on stuff you've done and getting all pissy about it. more than once also. you still NSA then? If someone starts getting all pissy and possessive then that person has allowed a string to form. " i'm being strung along? not sure if i like that or not. | |||
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"No our desire for a string has changed. We used to want more strings than we do now. But what represents a string hasn't changed to the best of my knowledge. "This is where we differ. You'd suggest a string is a thing and relationships can generally be divided into those with less strings and those with more. I'm suggesting "string" always means something negative. Even sex with a lover shouldn't have strings attached to it. Strings, to me, are something that makes you claustrophobic about a situation. They are obligations or ties I'm uncomfortable with. If I wasn't uncomfortable with them then I wouldn't call them a string. To your mind you've merely got rid of some strings. To my mind you changed your mind on what you were and weren't uncomfortable with; you changed your definition of what an undesirable string is | |||
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"This seems to have got very deep and complex, perhaps what a lot of people don't want. For us NSA is meeting people for fun, and chatting through here now and then. No demands or expectations from either party on the other. Nice and simple." Exactly! | |||
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"To me NSA means fuck and go...Someone for whom emotions matter little and who doesn't mind if you play with most of Scotland. Who is not remotely interested in you as a person. Anyone with NSA on their profile is not for me. Simple You see i don't consider emotions and friendship as an attached string. They can easily become attached, and that's where people have to be careful. Our regulars are NSA, but certainly not 'fuck and go'. You see emotions are part of the sex for.me I'm afraid. I need to build up a rapport before engaging in sex. I need to like the guy and feel he likes me in return..Otherwise I would feel used. That's me and I know it wont be the case for some others I agree, emotions make sex so much better, so the challenge for me is to have the emotions without attaching strings. On including emotions in the experience and building a rapport, do you then regard it as a 'normal' relationship with a requirement for regular guaranteed meets. Or are you happy to maintain the NSA element after saying goodbye at the end of the meet? Do you find jealousy on either side is ever an issue once emotions come into the equation? Good point. I had this with my fb who is not on here but on my early verifications and I was very very fond of him. However it didn't extend to me feeling jealous if we went to clubs and parties. I was happy for him to play. However he was jealous of me with other guys so reluctantly I decided to draw a line under it and he has now met a lady from a conventional dating site which I wanted him to do. But I do miss him! I suspect this is why some people prefer to keep NSA type sex purely non-emotional, due to the risk of someone getting jealous. I like to think I have the ability to control jealousy, hence enjoy the benefits that a bit of emotion adds to the sexual experience. Its always a shame for all concerned when an otherwise excellent partner can't combine sex and emotion without getting jealous or needy. I guess you both missed out. But at least your friend is happy."
According to his Facebook he is! I do miss him as I was ever so fond of him. However this never extended to wanting him all to myself or looking for a serious relationship. I think he ended up looking for just that in the end. | |||
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"what if someone does start giving you shit though? like questioning you on stuff you've done and getting all pissy about it. more than once also. you still NSA then? If someone starts getting all pissy and possessive then that person has allowed a string to form. i'm being strung along? not sure if i like that or not. "there was no strings here, he was just some fucked up guy talking shit to me. | |||
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"People have different ideas about what NSA sex is, ranging from a 'fuck and go' to sex where there is friendship or even emotions involved. What is a 'string' and when does that 'string' become attracted? For us 'no strings' means there is no obligation regarding the next meet, no obligation for social communication in between meets, and no restriction on sexual freedom with others after the meet. Mrs" That would be my definition too. | |||
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