FabSwingers.com forum: How many chances?

By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

How many chances would you give someone before you gave them up as unlikely to meet? I have been trying to meet one guy on and off since I joined this website. not been trying terribly hard as we are both busy woth work etc. However, every time we agree that I'll be going over, just before I go, he texts to say family is there and I can't go.

I don't have a huge amount of free time but he is single and lives in my town, so it would be great to have someone who could maybe meet often. But maybe I should give him up as not likely to meet.

I know I am a soft touch but I just don't want to miss out because I am overly suspicious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say three times.

It is easy to have something unexpected happen once and if his luck is bad twice

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By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

Been there, done that. They're fantasists. i still chat to one and still arrange meets just for the fun of the new excuse each time he can't make it. Does make me laugh now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think thta you could set a specific amount of times. Sometimes once is enough.

But from what you say it doesn;t sound like you are being overly suspicious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/06/11 22:59:11]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once. If they dont meet for a coffee, on a date and venue they arrange, tough cookies..... NEXT!

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Been there, done that. They're fantasists. i still chat to one and still arrange meets just for the fun of the new excuse each time he can't make it. Does make me laugh now

Ooooh thats a great idea! So do you pick days you know you can't meet? because I'd worry that one day they'd be available and I'd have to cancel.

I do seem to get more than my fair share of these people, but I should keep a sense of proportion about it.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

One... unless they can produce a doctors note or a written excuse signed by both parents

Seriously chances are his wife won't let him out to play.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

[Removed by poster at 06/06/11 22:59:55]

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

It depends, if your instints go with the fact they are genuine reasons then work out a time when you know 100% you will both be free. If you think hes stringing you along kick him to the curb.

I have two guys i know very well that took about 3 months before we finally where able to meet and coincidntly they both disappeared after the first meet for a couple of weeks (due to having to leave the country) but they where both genuine as 5 years later i still see them both

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I give 2 chances if they have come up with a plausible excuse the first time but after a second cancellation, no

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

2 chances then dont bother as he may be married lol

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"One... unless they can produce a doctors note or a written excuse signed by both parents

Seriously chances are his wife won't let him out to play."

Every time he cancels it is because his mother is there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One... unless they can produce a doctors note or a written excuse signed by both parents

Seriously chances are his wife won't let him out to play.

Every time he cancels it is because his mother is there.

Maybe she secretly lives with him

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"One... unless they can produce a doctors note or a written excuse signed by both parents

Seriously chances are his wife won't let him out to play.

Every time he cancels it is because his mother is there.

Maybe she secretly lives with him"

That would explain a lot actually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On a site packed wall to wall with single men up for nsa sex I wouldn't be trying to hitch my wagon to a man that obviously has no intention of meeting.

I state when and where for a social meet. If they can't firm up an hour for a coffee then I'm on to the next one!

You shouldn't have to try so hard for a meet: he's not the only man in your neck of the woods is he?

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"You shouldn't have to try so hard for a meet: he's not the only man in your neck of the woods is he? "

There's two reasons why I try a bit with this one (apart from the fact he's a bit tasty).

1. He was the first guy to talk to me when I joined Fab.

2. There are not that many halfway decent looking guys in York who can accommodate, and I am working my way through them fast!

So no, he's not the ONLY man in my area, but he is one of the few decent ones.

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By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

"Been there, done that. They're fantasists. i still chat to one and still arrange meets just for the fun of the new excuse each time he can't make it. Does make me laugh now

Ooooh thats a great idea! So do you pick days you know you can't meet? because I'd worry that one day they'd be available and I'd have to cancel.

I do seem to get more than my fair share of these people, but I should keep a sense of proportion about it."

I do pick times I'm free actually but never worry as I know his phone will be stolen my martians/blow up in the microwave/fall overboard at sea so I won't hear from him on the day. For once I'd love him to call my bluff and turn up though.

Latest plan is a weekend by the sea...sits back and waits! Lol

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"How many chances would you give someone before you gave them up as unlikely to meet? I have been trying to meet one guy on and off since I joined this website. not been trying terribly hard as we are both busy woth work etc. However, every time we agree that I'll be going over, just before I go, he texts to say family is there and I can't go.

I don't have a huge amount of free time but he is single and lives in my town, so it would be great to have someone who could maybe meet often. But maybe I should give him up as not likely to meet.

I know I am a soft touch but I just don't want to miss out because I am overly suspicious."

I would have given up by now. I would say twice and you are being generous.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

I don't have a huge amount of free time but he is single and lives in my town, so it would be great to have someone who could maybe meet often. But maybe I should give him up as not likely to meet.

I know I am a soft touch but I just don't want to miss out because I am overly suspicious."

i think giving a number is wrong,what does your gut say? life happens,but the fact you posted this thread suggests you do not wholly trust his excuses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

he knows you are on to him now anyway ...if he reads the forums ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not tell him straight that he is getting no more chance's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I gave one guy 3 times, he even had my mobile number yet cancelled via here after I had logged off so I gave up, told him not to bother

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"..........

i think giving a number is wrong,what does your gut say? life happens,but the fact you posted this thread suggests you do not wholly trust his excuses."

Agreed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I expect toughyl a two-week lag from first message to aranging a meet. Any longer isn't going to happen because there'll be more people chasing me and if they don't arrange a meet after they've seen me on MSN they're not going to. I've told guys who've come back to me after months there must've been a reason we didn't meet so not interested now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One... unless they can produce a doctors note or a written excuse signed by both parents

Seriously chances are his wife won't let him out to play.

Every time he cancels it is because his mother is there.

Assuming that it is his mother and not his wife, what kind of man can't say "sorry Mum, now's not convenient for you to come round because I'm going out, we can make plans for tomorrow"?

I like men who are stronger than that, so I'd be kicking him into touch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well if he cancels cos mum is there , can he come to yours ??? or meet for coffee first if you havent meet him at all , but if this is say a second meet the first was a casual coffee goe halves on a hotel room , problem solved xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I give 2 chances if they have come up with a plausible excuse the first time but after a second cancellation, no

My rule as well, once I can understand twice says time waster x

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By *lscmnmytngMan
over a year ago

J13 of the M5

I got three very sorry excuses when I was hoping to meet a nice lady whom I seemed to be getting along nicely with.

I recognised it as nerves and invited her to phone me. Having put her at ease we agreed to meet and now we are together as a couple. Speak to them on the phone and try to get to the true reason for the delays. It works wonders!

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

I waited for four years to meet a very special lady from here. Eventualy circumstances allowed us to meet and it was blooming incredible worth every second of the four year wait.

Patience does pay rewards!

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Don't think you can put a number or a length of time as everyone has different commiments etc....sometimes 'normal' life or things just crop up when you least expect them.

Some people we have been able to meet within a couple of weeks, some within a couple of months and with one couple took us 3 years (but so worth the wait!!)

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I met someone before Christmas and we're still trying to pin down a time to meet. We're both busy... there's no rush, when we have the time we'll have the time. I'm not really that worried about that kind of thing. Easy osey!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have a huge amount of free time but he is single and lives in my town, so it would be great to have someone who could maybe meet often. But maybe I should give him up as not likely to meet.

I know I am a soft touch but I just don't want to miss out because I am overly suspicious."

2b honest if someone did this to me I would return the favour 3 times and if they were still hanging on might consider them genuine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sometimes peeps need a taste of their own medicine.

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By *im halpertMan
over a year ago

redditch

I would only give one chance,that would be it bye bye

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By *unPeteMan
over a year ago

Near Bristol

If you're looking "to have someone who could maybe meet often" and you haven't meet this guy once in 7 months, I'd give up now!

It surprizes me that you haven't had, at the least, a social meet in that time! Same city and he can't find a free hour for a coffee?

Hmmm I'm suspicious and I think you are too, that's why you posted this? Follow your instinct!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have a huge amount of free time but he is single and lives in my town, so it would be great to have someone who could maybe meet often. But maybe I should give him up as not likely to meet.

I know I am a soft touch but I just don't want to miss out because I am overly suspicious."

3 and out, if 2 apologies. First time if no-show.

You keep giving him chances, as he would be very convenient for you.

He's not single & not meeting, think you already know that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has happened to me when I was playing on my own with guys. Like _yrdwoman I probably had a bit more patience with a couple of them as they were very local could accomodate and hot. Shallow I know!! It's hard to tell whether he's bottling it at the last minute due to nerves or if he's a time waster. I'd suggest trying to meet him for a quick drink or coffee after work or in lunch break purely as a social. If he can't find time for that then you have your answer as most people will find a way of doing something they want to and this isn't a big ask. Let us know what happens! Ms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is he really such a decent guy if he keeps cancelling and making excuses. He feels he's got you, doesn't have to try. What guy would really turn down a sexy lady for hot sex cos his mum is there, if he wanted the fun he'd find the time. He's a fantasist and he likes the fact he sees you as desperate to meet him and its feeding his ego.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to add to my earlier post. I never got to meet any of those guys! I gave up trying after being cancelled too often so I ran out of patience and there are plenty of other guys on here. I've found that those that were genuinely interested in meeting me made the effort and didn't mess about.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

I work on the premise of three strikes and your out

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

LOL just to clarify, I am not desperate to meet him, I don't pester him, I meet plenty of other guys. It is just that when we finally both have the same night free and arrange something, he always backs out. It's happened three times now so I guess that should be that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I dont think I should have used the word desperate in my post as it sounds bad, and I didnt intend it to be that way. I meant that he may think you are wanting to meet him so much that he can keep putting you off etc, that you'll always be there to message etc, of course that isnt the case at all and I think you have been very lenient and I can certainly understand why. If we make friends on here then we are lenient etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he interests you much I'd give it another go but make clear to him thats his last chance. If he cancels again I'd delete and block him.

Sandra x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good advice sandra. ms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have a huge amount of free time but he is single and lives in my town, so it would be great to have someone who could maybe meet often. But maybe I should give him up as not likely to meet.

I know I am a soft touch but I just don't want to miss out because I am overly suspicious."
One, then i delete

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Sorry I dont think I should have used the word desperate in my post as it sounds bad, and I didnt intend it to be that way. I meant that he may think you are wanting to meet him so much that he can keep putting you off etc, that you'll always be there to message etc, of course that isnt the case at all and I think you have been very lenient and I can certainly understand why. If we make friends on here then we are lenient etc

No worries. Just that someone has to be OUTSTANDING for me to be desperate to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe you should arrange a social meet if you both live in the same place that should not be too hard.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No worries. Just that someone has to be OUTSTANDING for me to be desperate to meet.

Well three cancellations and you're STILL going to give him another chance. He must be outstanding for you to be kept hanging so many times and not give up!

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

No worries. Just that someone has to be OUTSTANDING for me to be desperate to meet.

Well three cancellations and you're STILL going to give him another chance. He must be outstanding for you to be kept hanging so many times and not give up!"

What can I say? Eternal optimist here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Been there, done that. They're fantasists. i still chat to one and still arrange meets just for the fun of the new excuse each time he can't make it. Does make me laugh now

Ooooh thats a great idea! So do you pick days you know you can't meet? because I'd worry that one day they'd be available and I'd have to cancel.

I do seem to get more than my fair share of these people, but I should keep a sense of proportion about it.

Latest plan is a weekend by the sea...sits back and waits! Lol

i know that feeling mine did finally turn up after 3 failed attempts, you never know lol

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By *irtycpl7980Couple
over a year ago

Northumberland

We always give 2/3 chances ... dependant on how much Lucy would like to meet them. I would bin them if you've had no joy as you will DEFINATELY be able to find better locally who will meet. You are not the one missing out if you decide enough is enough anyway as its you who is out there to enjoy yourself and by hanging on waiting for someone who has no interest then you miss out on the real fun!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

they are just time waisters, they give genuin single guys a bad reptation, sounds like he,s married

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By *azmissy67Woman
over a year ago

welshpool area

personally if a date is arranged and he doesnt turn up no excuse its goodbye if he tells me before hand he cant make it one more chance and thats it. Life is too short to waste on guys like this tbh i agree with previous posters he has something to hide x sorry x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

same thing has and still is happening to me.

someone declared an interest but always has excuses not to meet but has had no problem meeting others.

in the end you got to just ignore them and give them no more of your time.

youve already wasted enough of it on them.

do and be amazing with someone else who will really want to meet you.

like me lol xx

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By *reyyaMan
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"You shouldn't have to try so hard for a meet: he's not the only man in your neck of the woods is he? "

There's two reasons why I try a bit with this one (apart from the fact he's a bit tasty).

1. He was the first guy to talk to me when I joined Fab.

2. There are not that many halfway decent looking guys in York who can accommodate, and I am working my way through them fast!

So no, he's not the ONLY man in my area, but he is one of the few decent ones.

What about me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

been there did that ...... had been talking to a woman for a good bit , exchanged details , kept talking everything was fine eventually arranged to meet with a couple of weeks notice day comes around i get a message saying she cant make it , so i think ok no worries these things happen right ? so a few more weeks go by still talking away we arrange another meet , guess what ? she "forgot" about it , at this point im thinking unlikely but i'll buy it anyway . another month goes by same story arrange it and bingo another excuse to which i just said forget the whole thing , amazingly still talk though but in no way shape or form am i ever even imagining a meet with her . its not just guys that waste time lol so id say three , two for shit happens and if they still full of bull on the third then its a no from me they here to talk about stuff rather than do anything .

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By *reyyaMan
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

Are you quite certain it was a woman you were in contact with? Did you speak to her on the phone? Chatting on webcam is not viable as that can be faked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeah im sure she real ..... spoke to her , seen her on cam and she been verified.im just thinking i wasnt for her , just wish she could have said after initial contact , wouldnt have minded .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

May I have a chance please ? Mail me please x

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By *eddonistikMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"One... unless they can produce a doctors note or a written excuse signed by both parents

Seriously chances are his wife won't let him out to play.

Every time he cancels it is because his mother is there.

She's probably there to tuck him in at night. Probably a kid using photos he's found on a dating site. For business purposes I have created a female on facebook, I used photos of an attractive woman from a dating site, (the woman in the photos lives in Florida).

As said earlier, things can go wrong twice purely by accident, the third time is just being a timewaster, (as we both know there are enough in this game as it is).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One chance usually, unless the excuse seems valid. A few times... he probably cums over his keyboard and goes to sleep, never any intention of anything more, just the thought of "someone wants to fuck me" is enough for some on here. They are a waste of time and cum!!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Depends if i think the excuse is plausible.. you get a 6th sense after a while.

Lots of genuine reasons

Lots of nonsense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never missed a meeting (mind you I've only met two people, one of them 10 or so times) and would regard it as very bad form to do so, without a very, very good reason (a riot (I live in Belfast), or being in a serious car crash, for instance).

If someone will go to the effort of taking their time to meet a middle aged, bald, fat mess like me, the least I can do is turn up and give them a good laugh.

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"been there did that ...... had been talking to a woman for a good bit , exchanged details , kept talking everything was fine eventually arranged to meet with a couple of weeks notice day comes around i get a message saying she cant make it , so i think ok no worries these things happen right ? so a few more weeks go by still talking away we arrange another meet , guess what ? she "forgot" about it , at this point im thinking unlikely but i'll buy it anyway . another month goes by same story arrange it and bingo another excuse to which i just said forget the whole thing , amazingly still talk though but in no way shape or form am i ever even imagining a meet with her . its not just guys that waste time lol so id say three , two for shit happens and if they still full of bull on the third then its a no from me they here to talk about stuff rather than do anything .

Its a common thing on Fab unfortunately, male, female and couples. I think its unlikely she didnt find you attractive or why bother chatting etc? As we are honest about why we are here and do actually want to meet I really have no idea what goes through peoples minds when they do this. We just meet guys and Mr S says that they just get off on the fact that I Chat to them etc. I feel sorry for them really. How depressing to be outside with your nose pressed against the window forever.....

Mistress x

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By *londieddWoman
over a year ago

fife

[Removed by poster at 13/07/11 11:52:57]

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By *londieddWoman
over a year ago

fife

Give it up, sounds like hes not single, ive been cancelled on more times than ive had meets (once got a text to say it was raining so he was not coming out)i think a lot of men(especially the married ones) just play along to see if they can actually get a meet, but have no intention of seeing it through!

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By *peedypeteMan
over a year ago

derby

Sounds like u have found one of those men who give us singles such a bad name. I would block him if I was you, otherwise he will probs keep pestering.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck them off if they let you down. There is nothing worse than being messed about by anyone.

I am very reliable btw and would love to meet you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many men are "hunters", both on this site and off... they like the chase... and thats it. Once they have caught their prey - the thrill of the chase has gone...

Some "hunters" get married, but they still want to hunt and chase, how great they can do that here and their wives will not find out. Must be perfect here for those sort, no wonder there are so many timewasters here...

Others will really want to meet you, but feel guilty, scared, intimidated maybe.... so drop out at the last minute, can't deal with reality so invent a "convincing" reason not to show...

Then there are the few that do turn up, they have BALLS as single males, however they perform.... its like jumping off the Top diving board, all WANT to do it, only a few of us actually WILL. Takes balls to meet for the first ...

We found cam chats worked well, with the cams and mics on you get a feeling for what the people are like. We have met some great people, who we want to see again and again - Oh and we WILL!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I wrote "see again" I meant "meet again"...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have a huge amount of free time but he is single and lives in my town, so it would be great to have someone who could maybe meet often. But maybe I should give him up as not likely to meet.

I know I am a soft touch but I just don't want to miss out because I am overly suspicious."

i give everyone a second chance, things come up we all have familys etc but if they let me down after the second chance thats it as far as im concerned, nobody has that much bad luck that every time they arrange a meet something comes up to stop them meeting surely?

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

I don't have a huge amount of free time but he is single and lives in my town, so it would be great to have someone who could maybe meet often. But maybe I should give him up as not likely to meet.

I know I am a soft touch but I just don't want to miss out because I am overly suspicious.

Agree. We have given two chances before. Funny how it never paid off though... lesson there maybe?

Mistress x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

one!!!!!!!! just took a cpl off our profile as they blew the one chance!!! wastes too much time i'm afraid, rather be talking and meeting ppl who mean what they say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"one!!!!!!!! just took a cpl off our profile as they blew the one chance!!! wastes too much time i'm afraid, rather be talking and meeting ppl who mean what they say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i had a couple arrange a meet , then they canceled as she didnt want to play, so i said never mind wasted the viagra then, lol ,

2 mins later it was back on , so i said no to them , i think it was the guy wanting me and the lady didnt want to play alone not what i wanted in that meet , he got pissy and said never again to me ,

errrr they cancelled not me , was i a bit hasty ,

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"Many men are "hunters", both on this site and off... they like the chase... and thats it. Once they have caught their prey - the thrill of the chase has gone...

Others will really want to meet you, but feel guilty, scared, intimidated maybe.... so drop out at the last minute, can't deal with reality so invent a "convincing" reason not to show...

We found cam chats worked well, with the cams and mics on you get a feeling for what the people are like. We have met some great people, who we want to see again and again - Oh and we WILL!!!"

I'm different, I'm not into "the hunt" or "the chase"... sounds too much like "Salmon" work to me (swimming uphill).

In my opinion if someone wants to be caught they'll make themselves available - in my experience if a lady constantly says "yes" to a meet, but is habitually unavailable to meet me but can with others (not counting clubs or socials) then clearly she doesn't want to meet.

Examples:

"Oh am on my period" - but has a meet with someone else.

"Oh parents turned up" - but her backup plan later arrived.

"Oh the kids didn't fancy going out and couldn't leave them" - and eventually spent the night in a hotel with another meet.

(You get the idea) I hence drop the matter and move on: Too old to be playing silly games which will only result in her carrying on IF I let her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not so much the cancelling (I give people 2 chances, chance 1 because things do happen and chance 2 because things can happen twice but after that they are deleted)

It is the timing of the cancellation that I find can give the game away.

Cancelling days before hand or even early on in the day because of an unexpected problem is polite and reasonable. Rearranging the meeting there and then can also indicate that someone is genuine.

Cancelling at the last minute (ten minutes before seems a favourite) tells me that they have been stringing you along and have no intention of meeting. After all how many people are going to be literally going out the door to meet you when a problem arises/unexpected visitors appear/a relative becomes ill. OK a car that doesn't start is reasonable but most things that cause cancellations probably happen earlier in the day.

How do you tell a time waster before they have cancelled? I don't know, does anyone?

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By *it of fun cplCouple
over a year ago

village between York and Hull

Really sorry!! I promise no moremessing around! I will definatly meet you Friday.. No more excuses honest!!

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Really sorry!! I promise no moremessing around! I will definatly meet you Friday.. No more excuses honest!!

LOL you'd better!!

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