FabSwingers.com forum: Dom/sub

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I will apologise now as I'm not very clued up on this subject and really don't know a lot about it. But when entering a Dom/sub relationship or agreement I always thought that it was based on trust.

I may be wrong as like I have stated at the beginning of this thread that I'm not very clued up on this kind of thing.

Am I right in saying that trust is the most important issue?

I have seen on a few profiles where people have never met but have this Dom/sub thing going on, profiles stating all contact and meets to be arrange through the Dom

What's all that about. To me I find that a little strange if you have never met your Dom

I have been approached by a few guys who live a fair distance from me saying they would like to Dom me but distance is an issue but they could Dom me as in vetting guys who want meets,and me asking permission to meet guys. I have declined as I see it as being a bit strange being owned by someone you've never met

Is this really a Dom/ sub relationship thing or is it someone just controlling?

I'm just curious as to what people think

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By *k15Couple
over a year ago

crawley

Consent is all that's needed for the more basic D/s interactions. Trust builds with time and is what turns it into something awesome.

There are pleanty of keyboard Doms that would probably spunk and shit themselves at the same time if they ever came face to face with that situation they just want to control and manipulate the situation till they can get what they want. Avoid them.

Doms only have the power a sub gives them and how much would you give someone you don't trust?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is an interesting subject for me. To be in a D/S full on relationship trust is definitely paramount and more so with the greater extreme that is a Total Power Exchange which, I agree with you, would need you to be geographically close. I am not a sub but I do have submissive tendencies (I know some people don't like that term and see it as a get out clause) in that I like to experiment.

Everyone is different, obviously, and it depends on what you want out of it. I have formed bonds with a couple of men in the past who I allowed to dominate me without physically meeting them. It has been quite tame in that I would only follow the order if I felt comfortable doing so, so no-one could make me do something I didn't want to do. I would carry out the order then have to send photographic evidence to the Dom. It was all fun and has actually helped me find out a lot more about myself and what I like.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

A D/s relationship can be whatever the two people involved in it want (and more importantly agree) it should be - there's no definitive answer save for the one agreed between you. That applies whether it's real life 24/7 or on-line or whatever other dynamic. Ultimately it does involve trust and respect etc, but they can only be built over time.

There are, as pointed out a lot of keyboard Doms out there who have no real clue what D/s is, and think it's purely about the Dom telling the sub what to do, but there's a lot more to it than that, and in fact in a lot of ways it's the sub that holds the ultimate control, as they can give (and take away) their submission at any time.

Either way if the people you have been talking to expect you to hand over control and submit to them after just a couple of messages, I'd suggest you made the right decision not to take things further.

If it's something you're interested in OP I'd recommend reading SM101 and Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns both readily available from Amazon.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"A D/s relationship can be whatever the two people involved in it want (and more importantly agree) it should be - there's no definitive answer save for the one agreed between you. That applies whether it's real life 24/7 or on-line or whatever other dynamic. Ultimately it does involve trust and respect etc, but they can only be built over time.

If it's something you're interested in OP I'd recommend reading SM101 and Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns both readily available from Amazon."
screw the roses can be read free online by pdf...xx just saying x

op, online domming can be a dynamic by itself or with face to face meets..what power exchange agreement works for both parties is set up and maintained...if thats the way their agreement works, then you just take it that, that, is how it is for those people..

sure some people are controlling and some are maintaining a D/s dynamic online and this can work for some people..some people implement a psychological element and communication is obviously important, whether by phone or written form. it works.

of course trust is paramount..but as with any true BDSM arrangement safe, sane and consensual are paramount x

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I've had some ongoing conversations with a couple of very seductive and persuasive people in the past, off dating sites actually, it can be a fun game but I wouldn't take it too far and I would rather meet now anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think the real danger is if you meet someone manipulative, that easily gains your trust and then abuses that. it's wise to take your time deciding who to trust, especially if you're giving over any level of control to them.

i'm always a little surprised when a guy just asks me for bondage (and not because i'm not that into it but) because he's basically putting himself into a really vulnerable position with a stranger.

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By *ackStrakerMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Its definitely about trust. A dom sub relationship can really test both of their limits and the dom can put the sub into some compromising situations, and I believe the dom has a duty of care based on their agreements when it started. Yes boudaries can be tested and probed, but carefully.

If you get into very heavy sessions, after care is also important. There is a time play stops and the sub can have a hug etc to feel safe and secure again.

Trust has to be at the centre in my eyes.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

op there's been a lot written in here about trust from the submissive to the dominate . all good advice I might add but I must just add this that trust goes both ways .

D/s fun isn't for those who fear commitment in my opinion its for those that includes dominate and submissive who enjoy and revel in being responsible for another persons wellbeing both sexually and spiritually .

if I enter into a D/s dynamic I'm taking on a commitment and a duty of care to my play partner and that goes both ways my play partner also has a duty of care towards me to .

its about far more than sexual practise or even control its about spiritual fulfilment to in my humble opinion .

I was at my most content in a D/s dynamic that came with the kind of pressure that most people would have buckled under .I thrive under such circumstances something I didn't know until I was in such a circumstance .

I'm sure I have a better grasp of who I really am as a man because of the submissive woman I've know. I hope that in return I helped them have a better understanding of themselves as women .

in fact I'm sure I gave them as much as they gave me D/s is about finding ones true self in the protective cocoon of another persons needs in my humble opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Different people do BDSM in different ways.

Some people need lots of trust, some people less so.

Don't do anything you don't want to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone for your comments

It is something I am curious about but I think for me if I go down this path i don't think it would be the online Dom/sub I would do

I think it would have to be the Dom/sub reality one for me

I just could not allow anyone I've met to control who I could meet etc

I have met a guy a few times who is a Dom but have never presued this lifestyle

Its given me food for thought and I think I'm going to research into it and see how I feel about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you everyone for your comments

It is something I am curious about but I think for me if I go down this path i don't think it would be the online Dom/sub I would do

I think it would have to be the Dom/sub reality one for me

I just could not allow anyone I've met to control who I could meet etc

I have met a guy a few times who is a Dom but have never presued this lifestyle

Its given me food for thought and I think I'm going to research into it and see how I feel about it "

In over 15 years I've never enjoyed online d/s. I've given it a go a couple of times, but I've always found it to be somewhat lacking. If you want a quick fix, head along to a fetish club.

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

"Different people do BDSM in different ways.

Some people need lots of trust, some people less so.

Don't do anything you don't want to."
this whilst there is no right way there is a wrong way if that makes sence ?theres no hand book telling you how to do things (despite the god awfull 50shades ) in a set manner most of the time its trial and error find what you both like and enjoy and go from there thats where the fun is exploring and learning new tricks and techniques .BUT and its a big but there are many things that are frowned on as being close to abuse and or dangerous and will be pointed out to you by others as you go along for your saftey there is no "twuu way " and any one who tells you different is an idiot enjoy

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Thank you everyone for your comments

It is something I am curious about but I think for me if I go down this path i don't think it would be the online Dom/sub I would do

I think it would have to be the Dom/sub reality one for me

I just could not allow anyone I've met to control who I could meet etc

I have met a guy a few times who is a Dom but have never presued this lifestyle

Its given me food for thought and I think I'm going to research into it and see how I feel about it "
people usually build into an agreement sweet, and those agreements are guidelines to be stuck to, in the moment,they can however change over time, be reviewed, altered..its good to see you are looking at what you need right now, once youve tried it how you think you want it, you may find yourself altering and thats ok too..nothing is set in stone..and each D/s dynamic is different..just like some friends pull different aspects out of you, so will any different partner x

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