FabSwingers.com forum: Time Wasters

By *aturebi OP Man
over a year ago

blackburn

Have sent quite a few messages to people who have in the text of their profile, "sick of timewasters" However a lot of these people have deleted the message without the common courtesy of a reply even to say "no thanks" When i send a message i make sure that i meet the critreia of what they are looking for. What's going on here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have sent quite a few messages to people who have in the text of their profile, "sick of timewasters" However a lot of these people have deleted the message without the common courtesy of a reply even to say "no thanks" When i send a message i make sure that i meet the critreia of what they are looking for. What's going on here?

Perhaps you are wasting yr own time

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By *aturebi OP Man
over a year ago

blackburn

Probably so

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just because you meet their criteria does not guarantee a reply, there may be a number of reasons they decide your not for them, they may have a lot more mail than you can imagine and cannot possibly reply to all and still live a normal life, if you consider, you have sent them a message they have not asked for then you may understand them not answering the message they did not ask for..e.g Do you reply to all the spam mail that is delivered through your letterbox or do you throw it in the bin? Fab can kind of work the same way, if it's deleted take it as a no thanx and move on, you will find your stress levels dropping when you can do that.

Good luck and happy swinging

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Alot of people don't tend to send 'thanks but no thanks' emails as it can led to 'why what's wrong with me?' or on occasions nasty emails or perhaps they just get lots of emails daily and don't have the time to reply to all.

Doesn't mean they are timewasters....just means that is their way of saying no thanks!

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By *aturebi OP Man
over a year ago

blackburn

Good luck and happy swinging"

I understand that people may get a lot of messages or that "i may not be for them" but my point is that it takes only a few seconds to reply to messages. I dont want to get into any type of debate over this, but i just happen to beleive that some people try to take some kind of moral high ground by putting statements like this in their profile

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

Good luck and happy swinging

A lot of couples and ladies who reply with a 'no thanks' get another message back, often demanding to know why or insulting them, so I can understand why they don't reply at all. It's just the way it is.

As to the definition of a time waster... I'll step away from that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When someone deletes your message without replying you can understand from that that you are not for them so do not waste your time or theirs any further worrying about it.

Carry on fishing. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just simply dont have the time to reply to everyone I am not interested in. Would be good if we had a no thank you button.

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

I like the fishing analogy.

Keep your rod and tackle in order and stop worrying about the ones that got away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck and happy swinging

there is no moral high ground, it's called preference and everybody on fab is entitled to it, if some choose to not reply to a msg then they do not have to, you have sent your message and you have been given an answer either by receiving a no thanx in a msg or by simply having your msg deleted they are both the same statement "no thanx"

If you come into this without an expectation then you will never be disappointed, accept what is and move on is the best advice I can give. As for timewaster well everyone has their own definitions and ours is not the same as yours if you consider timewasting by not having a msg answered.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Just simply dont have the time to reply to everyone I am not interested in. Would be good if we had a no thank you button."

That would take the same amount of time as copy and pasting a message of your own and replying with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no it wouldn't you would save at least a par-second.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"no it wouldn't you would save at least a par-second."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could send it multiple lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just simply dont have the time to reply to everyone I am not interested in. Would be good if we had a no thank you button."

I like the sound of that, the number of abuse messages I got because I didnt reply was bad, if I had replied to everyone I would have had to be online 24 hours and wouldnt have time to meet anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Alot of people don't tend to send 'thanks but no thanks' emails as it can led to 'why what's wrong with me?' or on occasions nasty emails or perhaps they just get lots of emails daily and don't have the time to reply to all.

Doesn't mean they are timewasters....just means that is their way of saying no thanks!

Well said.

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By *peedypeteMan
over a year ago

derby

I know some foks get a lot of mails and use it as an excuse to be discourteous in not replying, But they are often the first to complain when they get the same treatment.

If u have a profile its like an advert for yourselves, so if someone takes the time to conatct you and they meet the criteria you ask for, you should reply in some fashion.

Problem is some folks profiles have such a mix up, like don't want males at top and then says furtehr down looking for males etc, as an example.

A no thanks auto reply on here would be solve the problem for those who cant arsed to answer.

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By *hiz2112Man
over a year ago

south wales and gloucestershire

i agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know some foks get a lot of mails and use it as an excuse to be discourteous in not replying, But they are often the first to complain when they get the same treatment."

We don't reply to all messages. We don't get a reply to all messages we send... we NEVER complain.

"If u have a profile its like an advert for yourselves, so if someone takes the time to conatct you and they meet the criteria you ask for, you should reply in some fashion."

We have tried that in the past but kept getting bogged down with "Why not? I meet your criteria" sort of replies and having to answer that question. It can be so time consuming when you also have a life away from FAB.

"Problem is some folks profiles have such a mix up, like don't want males at top and then says furtehr down looking for males etc, as an example."

Our profile is a little bit like that but that's purely because we don't want to re-write stuff when we take a single male filters off. It's probably best to avoid profiles that state they are not looking for single males... even if it does contradict itself a little.

"A no thanks auto reply on here would be solve the problem for those who cant arsed to answer."

Just accepting a deleted message is some sort of 'no thanks' may be the way forward for some of you. I personally think that if there was auto "no thanks" button, some folk will start threads like... 'Why am I only getting "no thanks" auto replies? What am I doing wrong?'

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

criteria one thing....fancying another ball game entirely!

name of the game..

no one has to reply if they so choose..

doesn't say any where that they have to..common decency doesn't unfortunately come in to it..

a 'no thanks' function next to the delete button may help but the easiest way is just to get over it and move on..

shit happens!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because so many people on this site have no manners or are so up themselves. Not all but lots !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My profile says I don't respond to one-liners. I do anyway, with a 'thanks but no thanks' if they're nice about it. But I have no qualms ignoring many of them.

I think when you've been polite and had rudeness in return you temper your politeness and start ignoring because it's easier.

My guess is these people class timewasters as no-shows, not people who don't reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I replied to every message I got I would end up being on here constantly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was meeting I was looking for a specific type of playmate. So as not to waste time I set out what I was looking for, namely local, tall, single, straight, white, sub men over 45.

To further assist I made it clear I would not reply to anyone outside me criteria, so don't waste time contacting me.

If I got a message from anyone under 45, outside London: instant delete. If I read their profile and they were married, short, non white, bi, Dom: delete, without a second thought.

If however they met my criteria but I didn't find them sexually attractive I'd write and say nicely, thanks but no thanks and wish them well. If they wrote back asking why, then block.

Some people need to get over themselves and recognise they're not "owed" a reply. We'll never appeal to everyone and the sooner some people realise that, the happier they'll be!

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

I wonder is postal advertisers get pissed off with people not replying with 'No thanks'?

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By *stwoCouple
over a year ago

anywhere

perhaps hiding your profile doesnt help.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Like Sassy, if someone has obviously not read my profile then it's delete without reply. If they cannot spend the time seeing what I want then they are wasting both their time and mine by messaging.

Time wasters are people who waste time, not people who hurt delicate feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

be honest guys you aint that bothered about a no thanx reply if iv had messages read and no reply thats fine cpls and girls must get loads to read you or me aint the only guys replying its not personal we havent met

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"perhaps hiding your profile doesnt help."

Was that to me?

I'm no longer meeting, and put that on my profile, but it'll come as no surprise I was still getting messages to meet!

I've hidden my profile, say on relevant threads I'm no longer single and only using the forums and still get messages to meet!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no not to you to all the guys who are a bit sensetiv x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I understand that people may get a lot of messages or that "i may not be for them" but my point is that it takes only a few seconds to reply to messages. I dont want to get into any type of debate over this, but i just happen to believe that some people try to take some kind of moral high ground by putting statements like this in their profile"

Why should they reply to you, if they haven't initiated the contact first - why are they classed as time wasters?

If you ARE what they want, they WILL reply.

No reply, means they are not interested. No need to say thanks but no thanks.

When that happens to us (happens regularly), we will then block them, so we don't contact them again. People who do want to meet or are interested WILL reply to you.

Just because my phone rings, doesn;t mean i answer it - i'll screen the call first and phone them back!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why should they reply to you, if they haven't initiated the contact first - why are they classed as time wasters?

If you ARE what they want, they WILL reply.

No reply, means they are not interested. No need to say thanks but no thanks.

When that happens to us (happens regularly), we will then block them, so we don't contact them again. People who do want to meet or are interested WILL reply to you.

Just because my phone rings, doesn;t mean i answer it - i'll screen the call first and phone them back!

Well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Time wasters are people who send messages who say are you interested in meeting who then don't have profile pics or sent in the message to see if they are for us..

How the hell are we to know if we want to meet them?

Timewasters are those that disappear once you start to arrange the finer details of a meet and wont telephone to confirm.

Timewasters are those that agree to meets, go thru verification processes, and then don't show..

Now thats timewasting..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

but you wont stop them just gota lern to live with them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Site Owners make it clear in the FAQs that it is NOT rude not to reply to unsolicited mail.

I used to try to reply to all mails, but I got so many 'why not' messages back, or abusive mails, that I stopped trying.

I've even had quite a lot of 'thanks for your thanks but no thanks mail' (which is taking politeness to the extreme! Do they really expect me to reply to THAT one, as well???? "Thanks for thanking me for my thanks but no thanks mail", perhaps!).

It seems like some people are just to pleased to get a 'foot in the door', that they read the word NO as YES!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

are timewasters not part and parcel of sites like this ?

yeah it's a shame when people let ya down but is it really that much of a problem in the great scheme of things ?

the only time i would say it's an issue is when someone has laid out financially to meet and they get let down - that's a bit mean !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Site Owners make it clear in the FAQs that it is NOT rude not to reply to unsolicited mail.

I used to try to reply to all mails, but I got so many 'why not' messages back, or abusive mails, that I stopped trying.

It seems like some people are just to pleased to get a 'foot in the door', that they read the word NO as YES!"

Another good post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"are timewasters not part and parcel of sites like this ?

yeah it's a shame when people let ya down but is it really that much of a problem in the great scheme of things ?

the only time i would say it's an issue is when someone has laid out financially to meet and they get let down - that's a bit mean !"

....and yet another good post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get a thick skin, and quick. Just look at the percentage make up of the profiles. Single guys, stacks. Couples, plentiful but no where near as many as single guys. Single females? Ha, rocking horse pooh. As a guy it takes nice photos, a well written profile and patience by the trailer load. To be honest, you could put more effort in with yours, silhouettes are never popular. Get some proper pics done and expand on the text a bit. When you start to accrue verifications it does get easier but it's still very, very hard. I have sent many a well crafted email, with pics and reference to verifications and I frequently get 'deleted' from the off - just the way it is.

You also have to remember that women are elevated to goddesses on here due to their scarcity - it's all supply and demand. A single woman on here will get loads of mail from guys of all age ranges because she offers, relative to conventional channels, consequence free sex. She may be late fifties (yet claim to be 40) overweight, and ugly to boot that's even if there are any pics of her up front at all and she will STILL get loads of mail for the aforementioned reason. Put her in a conventional social/dating situation and she wouldn't get looked at twice. Those are the realities of this game!

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By *aturebi OP Man
over a year ago

blackburn

Looks like the "no's" have it then but here's something to debate regarding unsolicited messages. When we advertise on this and other sites we actually encourage a response from others, so is it fair to say that any responses that we get are not unsolicited?

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Looks like the "no's" have it then but here's something to debate regarding unsolicited messages. When we advertise on this and other sites we actually encourage a response from others, so is it fair to say that any responses that we get are not unsolicited? "

in a way...

look at it like this....

do you answer every piece of mail that comes thru you mailbox at home...

and by every piece.. i mean every one from the takeaways, the double glazing.. the "you have won 1 billion pound"

no.... we some may say thats awfully rude of you!!!

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By *aturebi OP Man
over a year ago

blackburn

but i have never put an advert in Tandoori weekly or you buy one, you get one free. but on a more serious note, alot of the junk mail that we receive is actually not unsolicted as in the past we may not have checked the "do you want to receive offers from" well you get the picture, on some tye of agreement or form or consumer survey that we may have filled in.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"but i have never put an advert in Tandoori weekly or you buy one, you get one free. but on a more serious note, alot of the junk mail that we receive is actually not unsolicted as in the past we may not have checked the "do you want to receive offers from" well you get the picture, on some tye of agreement or form or consumer survey that we may have filled in.

no.... but you might of had a takaway at some point... or called a taxi at some point.... or had double glazing at some point....... whats the difference

just because they were looking for something at a point in time... doesn't mean they want it at that point in time...

okay... lets be more practical....

i know a single woman who came on here and put on a ad...

within 15 minutes she had 20 mail waiting...

1 week later and she was still trying to sift thru 300

now.... hand on heart... would you answer every single one....

because call me a bad man... I know i certainly wouldn't

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By *aturebi OP Man
over a year ago

blackburn

I get your point, simple answer is to put in profiles "may not respond to all messages" sorted. Interesting debate.

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By *aturebi OP Man
over a year ago

blackburn

Does the fact that i started this debate make me a time waster?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The profile is intelligent, paragraphed and perfectly spelled; the message is all caps, badly spelled and duh.

Is the zip in the back of my head down?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

there are lot of time waisters on here, probly because it is free to join,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For every 10 thanks but no thanks message that I send, I get at least 2, with 'why', or 'can we be friends', or 'thats a shame, we really like you, please reconsider'

At least 2! sometimes when I have 40 + to try and get through (No I do not copy and paste ever!) the doubled up messages, ie, emailed me yesterday and again today, get to me. So add to that the above, 'whys' etc just means, I take even longer to get through the messages.

My profile states I do not have unlimited time to respond to messages, that whilst I might be showing as online, I am not reading messages etc.

Non of which helps, and to be brutally honest I am at the point of just deleting messages.

I have only ever actually sent 3 I think, how am I supposed to find time to, go looking at profiles,

catch up on forums

& repsond to my inbox?

So If I do send a thanks but your not for me, or thanks but no thanks or thanks, however I am looking for something different, it means what it says. I do totally understand why others just delete the silly messages,

As others have said its choice!

I choose to take days longer to reply to a message, and reply to them, instead of quick deletes.

A thanks but no thanks button would save me more than a minute...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hit delete if someone has not read my profile, which will be obvious if read correctly.

Also, I was on here last year and got a lot of bother from a member after saying a 'thanks, but no thanks'

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple
over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

we put no one liners instant delete now we still get more liners than any think thought out simple if profile not read and posts or adds we delete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just simply dont have the time to reply to everyone I am not interested in. Would be good if we had a no thank you button."

agree

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By *eeking Maid MarianMan
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest N Notts

Like many things in life, this could be viewed as a "numbers game".

The more mails sent that are "ignored"...

The closer you are getting to one being "responded" to....

Mike

XxX

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"I know some foks get a lot of mails and use it as an excuse to be discourteous in not replying, But they are often the first to complain when they get the same treatment.

If u have a profile its like an advert for yourselves, so if someone takes the time to conatct you and they meet the criteria you ask for, you should reply in some fashion.

Problem is some folks profiles have such a mix up, like don't want males at top and then says furtehr down looking for males etc, as an example.

A no thanks auto reply on here would be solve the problem for those who cant arsed to answer."

Have you read the other comments,you think it is rude , plenty dont.i used to answer every mail,and got inundated with why not replies,often abusive.Do you answer the junk mail that comes through your door?

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