FabSwingers.com forum: Honest or not?

By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

I see a lot of comments about 'honest' married men who swing alone not being honest because they haven't told their partner. Is it possible to be honest in one situation and not another and still call yourself honest? Do you have to be one hundred per cent honest all the time with everyone to be allowed to describe yourself as honest? Is there such a thing as too honest?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I see a lot of comments about 'honest' married men who swing alone not being honest because they haven't told their partner. Is it possible to be honest in one situation and not another and still call yourself honest? Do you have to be one hundred per cent honest all the time with everyone to be allowed to describe yourself as honest? Is there such a thing as too honest?"

Honesty is a tricky thing.... For example if you happened to have an argument with a psychiatrist , and he calls you crazy... Is he is giving you a diagnosis or is he being honest...

Me personally.... even when I'm lying, I'm telling the truth...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We should be more focus on having fun then judging them. I personally don't care if the lady I'm meeting is honest or not as long as there is a mutual attraction. All the rest is just irrelevant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is tact, too. I mean, "Does my bum look big in this?" kind of scenario.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Up front or frank would be probably the better word when you're on here and don't hide that you're playing without your partner's permission.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I suspect there's a lot of 'bending the truth' on this site, if I go by the messages I receive. However I would prefer honesty, then at least we know where we stand.

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By *epper123Woman
over a year ago

London

Can you be honest to one person and not another and still call yourself honest? Especially if that person is your spouse?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty; best policy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without trying to be judgemental, how can you call yourself honest if you are not honest to some people?

We think that the best thing to do is just drop the word out of a profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say that I'm honest on here, because I am usually honest with people on here. But Surely that's all that should concern people on here. What I do in my real life is up to me, as they won't play a part in that.

However, saying that, I do sometimes avoid telling the truth, but I think that's something that everyone does, especially on here.

I'm here for fun though and that is all. I don't get too caught up in the moral rights and wrongs as life is too short. If something feels right to me, then I go for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without trying to be judgemental, how can you call yourself honest if you are not honest to some people?

We think that the best thing to do is just drop the word out of a profile."

Because they are being honest to the people on here, which is all people on here should be concerned with. Anything away from here has nothing to do with anyone else x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one is honest about everything at all times. And actually if they are, they're probably a right cunt.

I have no objection to someone describing themselves as honest because it's patently obvious that what they mean is they are being honest with me about the information that concerns me.

But it seems to be the blue touch paper word on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I say that I'm honest on here, because I am usually honest with people on here. But Surely that's all that should concern people on here. What I do in my real life is up to me, as they won't play a part in that.

However, saying that, I do sometimes avoid telling the truth, but I think that's something that everyone does, especially on here.

I'm here for fun though and that is all. I don't get too caught up in the moral rights and wrongs as life is too short. If something feels right to me, then I go for it."

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

When I see "On here on my own but he/she knows" I think "OK, So does that mean we can talk to them and confirm?".

I could be here saying H knows, but if your never meeting or talking to her how the hell would you know if it was the truth?

I should imagine there's a few liers saying their partners know but I can't see there being too many that say they don't. Those liers just put that they're single

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I admire the ones who are honest about their marital status on here,its the ones that hide it and involve people in drama that annoy me.If people are upfront,others have a choice to meet or not.

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why describe ourselves as honest when it is plain that our actions contradict the word.

We think if we just don't say it, then no touch paper is being lit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one is honest about everything at all times. And actually if they are, they're probably a right cunt.

I have no objection to someone describing themselves as honest because it's patently obvious that what they mean is they are being honest with me about the information that concerns me.

But it seems to be the blue touch paper word on here. "

You're honestly very easy on the eye.

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

"Why describe ourselves as honest when it is plain that our actions contradict the word.

We think if we just don't say it, then no touch paper is being lit."

The whole point is, how honest do you have to be to describe yourself as honest? Are you one hundred per cent honest in everything all the time ... or is it about degrees of honest and what you are honest about?

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

Oh, and we don't care either way, just be honest about your situation or it may bite your bum in the end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why describe ourselves as honest when it is plain that our actions contradict the word.

We think if we just don't say it, then no touch paper is being lit."

Because it's clearly about their actions in relation to people on the site. You could describe yourselves as honest but be telling your kids Santa Claus exists, or fiddling your tax returns. That equally has nothing to do with the site.

It just seems such an unnecessary thing to eviscerate people for on every fucking thread that it comes up.

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By *awandOrder OP Couple
over a year ago

SW London

"Why describe ourselves as honest when it is plain that our actions contradict the word.

We think if we just don't say it, then no touch paper is being lit.

It just seems such an unnecessary thing to eviscerate people for on every fucking thread that it comes up. "

You've noticed that too

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By *emplarWarriorMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Even being honest comes back to fuck you over sometimes, probably just be as well continually lying and denying everything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why describe ourselves as honest when it is plain that our actions contradict the word.

We think if we just don't say it, then no touch paper is being lit.

It just seems such an unnecessary thing to eviscerate people for on every fucking thread that it comes up.

You've noticed that too

Yep...a thread can be rumbling along and the some poor sod mentions the H word and all hell is unleashed on him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why describe ourselves as honest when it is plain that our actions contradict the word.

We think if we just don't say it, then no touch paper is being lit.

It just seems such an unnecessary thing to eviscerate people for on every fucking thread that it comes up. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone lies in life, in some context or another. It's just the degree of lying that varies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why describe ourselves as honest when it is plain that our actions contradict the word.

We think if we just don't say it, then no touch paper is being lit.

I suppose I'd see the point for us is "how honest do you have to be to complete strangers off the Internet I'm looking to meet for casual sex"...which would determine the degree of honesty required...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty and being upfront is the best way to make friends but it seem not to work where lies and dishonesty get you anywhere i think these day when it comes to fun

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By *edylogosMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

"Honesty; best policy. "

Not entirely true, honesty is subjective. Being up front doesn't do you any favours.

Believe me I know, sometimes it's best just to nod agree (even if you don't) to keep the peace.

No one is fully honest, I don't care what they say. It's just some are more open about their dishonesty than others

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It depends how you define honest. Some people pride themselves on their honesty when really its just them thinking its ok to express their opinion regardless of the effect on other people.

When it comes to married men and women I think it's clear that honesty is applied selectively...but then I think we all do that.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

Santa & Tax returns & the like are one thing, on here not stating something (the fact your a limb missing, want a social in a church on a Sunday when you have tourettes) is fine, really it is..

But if on a profile it states "Will not meet marrieds or those with a limb missing" and you lie to get a meet cos you like them then that patently is not..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Santa & Tax returns & the like are one thing, on here not stating something (the fact your a limb missing, want a social in a church on a Sunday when you have tourettes) is fine, really it is..

But if on a profile it states "Will not meet marrieds or those with a limb missing" and you lie to get a meet cos you like them then that patently is not..

Well then that person is lying directly on here to get a meet so clearly that's not honest. I didn't really think that was what the question was though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why describe ourselves as honest when it is plain that our actions contradict the word.

We think if we just don't say it, then no touch paper is being lit.

Questioning the degree of honesty on a casual sex site is one thing, but the question that seems to come up again and again is the degree of honesty to the unknowing life partner.

Sticky subject though, isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's called selective honesty. They are being honest in relation to the site / potential meets by saying they are attatched.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

There are lots of times people aren't honest; when the dentist asks you about flossing every day, when the doctor asks how much chocolate you had last week etc.

There are plenty of fibs told on here too and that's not always a bad thing. I'd rather hear "sorry, not interested" than "Christ, since I saw your picture I haven't stopped retching."

I've been on a lot of forums over the years and the anonymity often makes it easier to be honest with others. I've shared stuff that I wouldn't dream of saying to people I see every day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here is some honesty.. Like it or lump it.

I'm a liar and a cheat, which led to me temporarily destroying my own life, my children's life and my wife's life.

Ive always been pretty honest and outspoken though, proud of my own morals and ready to stick up for myself and other people.

So cheating on my wife was out of character for me, I've never cheated on anyone before. I still suffer with a lot of guilt when I dwell on what happened.

We split up, kids cried, my wife and I had to tell ridiculous white lies to our own children, pretend we're still friendly. The thought of me brings bile to the back of her throat, so I'm still hurting her every day.

Now since I've had to start all over.. I promised myself a clean slate. Before my lies used to tie me in knots at work as I'd grab the spare time then, as you do. So my promise to me was no more lying! That doesn't mean all cards on table all of the time for open consumption. It means if I'm asked a direct question, I give the truth (as I see it) regardless of the consequences. Applicable to everyone I meet in every walk of life.

I'm happier now than I have been in a long, long time. I'm being honest with myself. People who like me, like me for who I really am. I'm making good friends, not just acquaintances, I enjoy my job, I sleep at night, things I used to worry over.. Are dwindling fast.

Yes I'm still the guy who did what he did, oddly enough I feel like a better, stronger, kinder, funnier person for it. Like any good slither of DNA, I hit a rough patch, adapted to overcome.. And am stronger for it.

Honesty is important for me. Lie if you feel like you need to, you usually don't have to when you slow down and have time to make a sensible plan.

A final word of caution to my cheaters. If you're a sensitive person that can empathize with others and still love your partner, regardless of your urge to cheat. For the love of God stop and re-assess. Consider honesty. Nobody tells you that you not only feel all your own pain from losing your life, you take on everyone else's in full knowledge you caused all of it. That's a fucker that one!

Fab wise? I assume everyone is lying till I'm pleasantly surprised. It is what it is and we take the risk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are lots of times people aren't honest; when the dentist asks you about flossing every day, when the doctor asks how much chocolate you had last week etc.

There are plenty of fibs told on here too and that's not always a bad thing. I'd rather hear "sorry, not interested" than "Christ, since I saw your picture I haven't stopped retching."

I've been on a lot of forums over the years and the anonymity often makes it easier to be honest with others. I've shared stuff that I wouldn't dream of saying to people I see every day."

Fibbing about flossing your teeth is a little different to not telling a partner about being on this site though, isn't it?

A bit of an unbalanced comparison really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone is prepared to lie about something so potentially damaging to a person they are supposed to love, then I would doubt that they'd be honest to someone they're just having casual sex with. I'd be sceptical about everything else they told me. I wouldn't say they're wrong for calling themselves honest because they're calling themselves honest about being married, but I wouldn't believe anything else they said.

Being honest about being married in itself seems to me to be a device. Once they've entered into a sex scenario with someone else they don't have to bear the guilt on their own and they get collusion and validation for what they're doing and why. They also mitigate for fallout. I don't feel they are being honest in order to give potential meets an informed choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here is some honesty.. Like it or lump it.

I'm a liar and a cheat, which led to me temporarily destroying my own life, my children's life and my wife's life.

Ive always been pretty honest and outspoken though, proud of my own morals and ready to stick up for myself and other people.

So cheating on my wife was out of character for me, I've never cheated on anyone before. I still suffer with a lot of guilt when I dwell on what happened.

Honesty is important for me. Lie if you feel like you need to, you usually don't have to when you slow down and have time to make a sensible plan.

Fab wise? I assume everyone is lying till I'm pleasantly surprised. It is what it is and we take the risk. "

You chose to take on the hurt of others. Things happen in life beyond our control, but it's how you deal with them mentally that matters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here is some honesty.. Like it or lump it.

I'm a liar and a cheat, which led to me temporarily destroying my own life, my children's life and my wife's life.

Ive always been pretty honest and outspoken though, proud of my own morals and ready to stick up for myself and other people.

So cheating on my wife was out of character for me, I've never cheated on anyone before. I still suffer with a lot of guilt when I dwell on what happened.

Honesty is important for me. Lie if you feel like you need to, you usually don't have to when you slow down and have time to make a sensible plan.

Fab wise? I assume everyone is lying till I'm pleasantly surprised. It is what it is and we take the risk. "

Got to say, that is quite a reality check.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honest is a highly subjective word, in my experience.

Many times I have been chatting to a guy and sussed that he's not single. When I ask him he will invariably say "I'm not single but I think it's best to be honest about it". But if he was being truly honest he would have said upfront, surely?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are lots of times people aren't honest; when the dentist asks you about flossing every day, when the doctor asks how much chocolate you had last week etc.

There are plenty of fibs told on here too and that's not always a bad thing. I'd rather hear "sorry, not interested" than "Christ, since I saw your picture I haven't stopped retching."

I've been on a lot of forums over the years and the anonymity often makes it easier to be honest with others. I've shared stuff that I wouldn't dream of saying to people I see every day.

Fibbing about flossing your teeth is a little different to not telling a partner about being on this site though, isn't it?

A bit of an unbalanced comparison really."

But it's still lying, regardless. Some people (not neccesarily you) that come across on here judgemental and holy than thou, still lie in life. It's a fact.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"Santa & Tax returns & the like are one thing, on here not stating something (the fact your a limb missing, want a social in a church on a Sunday when you have tourettes) is fine, really it is..

But if on a profile it states "Will not meet marrieds or those with a limb missing" and you lie to get a meet cos you like them then that patently is not..

Well then that person is lying directly on here to get a meet so clearly that's not honest. I didn't really think that was what the question was though. "

True, but the answer to that for me is no you do not, little white lies to save someone's feelings are a common one. Cheques in the post, yes I did go see mum, she wasn't in. Etc. Etc.

Surely everyone does them but at what level you go from being honest or not is with each individual.

I'm sure Phillip Green still thinks he's an honest businessman, I think he's one of very few That think it though..but he'll still think he's honest..

I know the thread was started about "General" honesty but its on a casual sex site so the biggest area of peoples interest will always be the obvious one and these threads will always gravitate to that subject.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honest is a highly subjective word, in my experience.

No I disagree. He hasn't lied. Why divulge everything about yourself to a stranger on an internet site? When you asked him outright, like you did, he was honest. If you're that bothered about it, maybe that should be your first question when talking to someone.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Here is some honesty.. Like it or lump it.

I'm a liar and a cheat, which led to me temporarily destroying my own life, my children's life and my wife's life.

Ive always been pretty honest and outspoken though, proud of my own morals and ready to stick up for myself and other people.

So cheating on my wife was out of character for me, I've never cheated on anyone before. I still suffer with a lot of guilt when I dwell on what happened.

Honesty is important for me. Lie if you feel like you need to, you usually don't have to when you slow down and have time to make a sensible plan.

Fab wise? I assume everyone is lying till I'm pleasantly surprised. It is what it is and we take the risk. "

That's the reality of it. What a tough time for everyone concerned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's called selective honesty. They are being honest in relation to the site / potential meets by saying they are attatched.

That's a good compromise term. I think so much of this argument is semantics. I really don't care what terms people I am not going to meet describe themselves with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honest is a highly subjective word, in my experience.

That's true, they haven't lied in response to a direct question but they present themselves as being unattached and don't say otherwise until asked. I always do ask early on and I state on my profile that I only want to meet unattached people. Luckily I've only been burned once by someone who lied and got caught out later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty is a tricky thing.... For example if you happened to have an argument with a psychiatrist , and he calls you crazy... Is he is giving you a diagnosis or is he being honest...

Me personally.... even when I'm lying, I'm telling the truth...

you should change your name to Tony Montanna

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Up front or frank would be probably the better word when you're on here and don't hide that you're playing without your partner's permission. "
agree with this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am too honest it's a weakness of mine, in this game you need to know how to hide an how to lie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its been something i could reasonably say im more painfully acquainted with than id have preferred over the years. Honesty i suppose means living with your own values and holding them up to the scrutiny and critique of others. Who in turn see your loyalty to your own sense of worth as being at odds with where they think your loyalty should be focussed(ie,them, the wedding ring, the family,the company, establishment, bank gas board, landlord etc.). Everyone wants and even expects loyalty and a candid explanation of why you owe yourself some belief, faith and investment, may result in swift and painful tutoring in exercise of sanctions against you. Sometimes the art of choosing your words and delivery of such, and their timing may make a difference to how your immediate future is governed ,and by whom. Even having a public profile on social media, can be used by some to make valued judgements , that can then lead to consequences you wouldnt wish on anyone else but suddenly find yourself, a victim to. .i hope this is suitably mystifying,cryptic and unfathomable as my usual advice,but it is completely honest.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Here is some honesty.. Like it or lump it.

I'm a liar and a cheat, which led to me temporarily destroying my own life, my children's life and my wife's life.

Ive always been pretty honest and outspoken though, proud of my own morals and ready to stick up for myself and other people.

So cheating on my wife was out of character for me, I've never cheated on anyone before. I still suffer with a lot of guilt when I dwell on what happened.

Honesty is important for me. Lie if you feel like you need to, you usually don't have to when you slow down and have time to make a sensible plan.

Fab wise? I assume everyone is lying till I'm pleasantly surprised. It is what it is and we take the risk. "

Good post - we all make mistakes, but it takes courage to truly own them and take responsibility.

I was very rebellious in my youth, into sex and drugs and rock and roll well before I should have been and well able to lie my way out of trouble. But just before I married I fell in love with truth, and made a conscious decision to never lie, and i can honestly say that (apart from things like ticking the box to say I had read the terms and conditions lol) I did not knowingly lie once in over 20 years.

Luckily I had no reason to most of the time, but no, it did not make me a cunt - it made me really face up to all kinds of challenges, make a real effort to be kind and supportive in difficult situations, and to take responsibility for all my actions and their consequences.

I cannot live a transparent life at the moment - I have casual sex with strangers on a swinging site and that is not something I am prepared to have public knowledge, so I do compromise at the moment.

But all my friends know I will never lie to them, that I will struggle to find the courage to face anything in truth, and they love me for that. It's hard, but the way it makes me feel about myself is really, really worth it.

My ex of 20 years never cheated on me but he did deceive me, and I have a really low tolerance for deliberate deception now, I despise it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here is some honesty.. Like it or lump it.

I'm a liar and a cheat, which led to me temporarily destroying my own life, my children's life and my wife's life.

Ive always been pretty honest and outspoken though, proud of my own morals and ready to stick up for myself and other people.

So cheating on my wife was out of character for me, I've never cheated on anyone before. I still suffer with a lot of guilt when I dwell on what happened.

Honesty is important for me. Lie if you feel like you need to, you usually don't have to when you slow down and have time to make a sensible plan.

Fab wise? I assume everyone is lying till I'm pleasantly surprised. It is what it is and we take the risk.

Good post - we all make mistakes, but it takes courage to truly own them and take responsibility.

My ex of 20 years never cheated on me but he did deceive me, and I have a really low tolerance for deliberate deception now, I despise it.

You don't have to be totally transparent, you're entitled to privacy whilst remaining true to yourself and everyone else. Just because you've been asked something, it doesn't mean we're obligated to reply. It's healthy and exciting to maintain a little stuff just for you.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"But it's still lying, regardless. Some people (not neccesarily you) that come across on here judgemental and holy than thou, still lie in life. It's a fact."

Agreed. I was trying to say the same and be humerus, naturally it came out crass, offensive and missed the point.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Here is some honesty.. Like it or lump it.

I'm a liar and a cheat, which led to me temporarily destroying my own life, my children's life and my wife's life.

Ive always been pretty honest and outspoken though, proud of my own morals and ready to stick up for myself and other people.

So cheating on my wife was out of character for me, I've never cheated on anyone before. I still suffer with a lot of guilt when I dwell on what happened.

Honesty is important for me. Lie if you feel like you need to, you usually don't have to when you slow down and have time to make a sensible plan.

Fab wise? I assume everyone is lying till I'm pleasantly surprised. It is what it is and we take the risk.

Good post - we all make mistakes, but it takes courage to truly own them and take responsibility.

My ex of 20 years never cheated on me but he did deceive me, and I have a really low tolerance for deliberate deception now, I despise it.

Oh yes I am aware it's possible to simply withhold information without compromising honesty most of the time, and I just tell my friends this is 'an adult site', but there have been some situations or direct questions from family that have required me to mislead, and I have made a conscious decision to do that for now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

but i do feel that some situations are judged unfairly, i know i will do this myself at times as i'm only human, but i feel like i don't jump to judge everyone else, or at least don't criticise them if i do judge.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice, i feel, as there is always the possibility your lies will be found out.

so yes you can be honest and a liar. the people you are being honest too will respect that, the ones you lie to won't and you'll probably make them wonder why they weren't worthy of the truth.

sometimes people create situations where you have to lie to protect yourself. i don't think it's wrong to lie there if pressured to come up with excuses.

i'm sure there's some good psychology articles out there on lying that would give way better answers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

so yes you can be honest and a liar. the people you are being honest too will respect that, the ones you lie to won't and you'll probably make them wonder why they weren't worthy of the truth.

sometimes people create situations where you have to lie to protect yourself. i don't think it's wrong to lie there if pressured to come up with excuses.

i'm sure there's some good psychology articles out there on lying that would give way better answers."

Very well said. This is what I mean when I say life isn't black and white. Sometimes lies are needed to protect others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

so yes you can be honest and a liar. the people you are being honest too will respect that, the ones you lie to won't and you'll probably make them wonder why they weren't worthy of the truth.

sometimes people create situations where you have to lie to protect yourself. i don't think it's wrong to lie there if pressured to come up with excuses.

i'm sure there's some good psychology articles out there on lying that would give way better answers.

Very well said. This is what I mean when I say life isn't black and white. Sometimes lies are needed to protect others."

i struggled to write that lol, glad it's understandable though.

lying to protect yourself can be ok as well.

we're all more complicated than we appear on the surface and we need to remember that we're not psychic, although somewhat predictable so that helps.

i do wonder what it'd be like if we were all honest. if people would appreciate that and live accordingly or not. blunt people tend to come off as rude when they're being honest and showing their true self, i can get why people would not want to be seen like that.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

[Removed by poster at 15/01/17 16:29:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences."

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

Please feel free to explain what consequences have already occurred.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it possible to be honest in one situation and not another and still call yourself honest?

Do you have to be one hundred per cent honest all the time with everyone to be allowed to describe yourself as honest?

Is there such a thing as too honest?"

Yes.

No.

When you use "honest" as a synonym for bitchy, cruel, unkind or thoughtless; yes.

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By *ary for funMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Put "single" on profile,however am attached,not married,and no kids,but still attached. Will nearly always state before a proposed meet that "I am attached". God knows how but I believe a lot of women,be them single,or part of a couple,can some how detect a fella who ain't single (karma??) cos I know this post will court shed loads of abuse from MEN? Ladies,couples. don't waste your time,I will not come back on this particular thread

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

Please feel free to explain what consequences have already occurred."

It's a bit like that facebook meme:

"Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.

-Ok, Done.

Did it break?

-Yes.

Now say sorry to it.

-Sorry.

Did it go back to the way it was before?

-No

Do you understand?"

If you broke the plate and hid it in a cupboard so no-one knew, would it still be broken?

My contention is if trust or a contract based on trust is broken, it is broken whether people are consciously aware of it yet or not.

I say this from a place of experience where I was the one who could not accept this as fact, even though it was not me that lied.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

Please feel free to explain what consequences have already occurred.

It's a bit like that facebook meme:

"Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.

-Ok, Done.

Did it break?

-Yes.

Now say sorry to it.

-Sorry.

Did it go back to the way it was before?

-No

Do you understand?"

If you broke the plate and hid it in a cupboard so no-one knew, would it still be broken?

My contention is if trust or a contract based on trust is broken, it is broken whether people are consciously aware of it yet or not.

I say this from a place of experience where I was the one who could not accept this as fact, even though it was not me that lied."

But nothing is broken, you don't understand my personal life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

Please feel free to explain what consequences have already occurred.

It's a bit like that facebook meme:

"Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.

-Ok, Done.

Did it break?

-Yes.

Now say sorry to it.

-Sorry.

Did it go back to the way it was before?

-No

Do you understand?"

If you broke the plate and hid it in a cupboard so no-one knew, would it still be broken?

My contention is if trust or a contract based on trust is broken, it is broken whether people are consciously aware of it yet or not.

I say this from a place of experience where I was the one who could not accept this as fact, even though it was not me that lied.

But nothing is broken, you don't understand my personal life."

The trust is still there.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

Please feel free to explain what consequences have already occurred.

It's a bit like that facebook meme:

"Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.

-Ok, Done.

Did it break?

-Yes.

Now say sorry to it.

-Sorry.

Did it go back to the way it was before?

-No

Do you understand?"

If you broke the plate and hid it in a cupboard so no-one knew, would it still be broken?

My contention is if trust or a contract based on trust is broken, it is broken whether people are consciously aware of it yet or not.

I say this from a place of experience where I was the one who could not accept this as fact, even though it was not me that lied.

But nothing is broken, you don't understand my personal life."

As I say we will have to agree to disagree - breaks of trust such as cheating and lying about it break a marriage contract even if it has not been discovered, in exactly the same way as if you were to break the conditions of any other kind of contract.

For example, if a musician makes a contract only to record for Sony and then records something for Polydor, he has broken his contract - even before Sony find out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

Please feel free to explain what consequences have already occurred.

It's a bit like that facebook meme:

"Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.

-Ok, Done.

Did it break?

-Yes.

Now say sorry to it.

-Sorry.

Did it go back to the way it was before?

-No

Do you understand?"

If you broke the plate and hid it in a cupboard so no-one knew, would it still be broken?

My contention is if trust or a contract based on trust is broken, it is broken whether people are consciously aware of it yet or not.

I say this from a place of experience where I was the one who could not accept this as fact, even though it was not me that lied.

But nothing is broken, you don't understand my personal life.

For example, if a musician makes a contract only to record for Sony and then records something for Polydor, he has broken his contract - even before Sony find out."

Very true. But surely only the consequences arise if/when they have been found out.

You can go through life and never have to face consequences of some actions. I'm living proof of that.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

Please feel free to explain what consequences have already occurred.

It's a bit like that facebook meme:

"Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.

-Ok, Done.

Did it break?

-Yes.

Now say sorry to it.

-Sorry.

Did it go back to the way it was before?

-No

Do you understand?"

If you broke the plate and hid it in a cupboard so no-one knew, would it still be broken?

My contention is if trust or a contract based on trust is broken, it is broken whether people are consciously aware of it yet or not.

I say this from a place of experience where I was the one who could not accept this as fact, even though it was not me that lied.

But nothing is broken, you don't understand my personal life.

For example, if a musician makes a contract only to record for Sony and then records something for Polydor, he has broken his contract - even before Sony find out.

Very true. But surely only the consequences arise if/when they have been found out.

You can go through life and never have to face consequences of some actions. I'm living proof of that."

Again, we will have to agree to disagree - it is my experience that there are very real consequences in the spirit for both parties whether we are aware of them at the time or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

Please feel free to explain what consequences have already occurred.

It's a bit like that facebook meme:

"Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.

-Ok, Done.

Did it break?

-Yes.

Now say sorry to it.

-Sorry.

Did it go back to the way it was before?

-No

Do you understand?"

If you broke the plate and hid it in a cupboard so no-one knew, would it still be broken?

My contention is if trust or a contract based on trust is broken, it is broken whether people are consciously aware of it yet or not.

I say this from a place of experience where I was the one who could not accept this as fact, even though it was not me that lied.

But nothing is broken, you don't understand my personal life.

For example, if a musician makes a contract only to record for Sony and then records something for Polydor, he has broken his contract - even before Sony find out.

Very true. But surely only the consequences arise if/when they have been found out.

You can go through life and never have to face consequences of some actions. I'm living proof of that."

We agree about when or if the consequences need to be faced, however the actions, be they right or wrong (and we are not even trying to comment on that bit), are already taken aren't they?

Or are they not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i beleive in being situationally honest.

some people enjoy lying, these people are best to be avoided i feel as they get something out of messing with peoples heads, i am not talking about this kind of lying/honesty.

i'm not honest about everything, i don't think my life and what i do with that is open for judgment and you do need to protect yourself from those ready to prey on your honesty.

selective honesty is ok.

if you're lying to someone to protect them from being hurt then there isn't really a problem with that. if you could act differently so that you don't have to lie then that is the better choice,....

Yes, that is my point. People say they 'need' to lie too freely in my opinion, when in fact the truth is that is just the easier short term option for them, an excuse for their lying.

When I made the decision not to lie it was much harder work for me, but it was a challenge that was very rewarding.

If we choose to lie, we need to at least own it, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

I take all responsibility for my own lies and will accept any consequences should anything happen. But for now, my lies are protecting everyone so I shall continue as I am, with my head held high

I don't believe you perceive or accept the consequences that have already occurred, but no point stating opposing views ad infinitum.

Please feel free to explain what consequences have already occurred.

It's a bit like that facebook meme:

"Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.

-Ok, Done.

Did it break?

-Yes.

Now say sorry to it.

-Sorry.

Did it go back to the way it was before?

-No

Do you understand?"

If you broke the plate and hid it in a cupboard so no-one knew, would it still be broken?

My contention is if trust or a contract based on trust is broken, it is broken whether people are consciously aware of it yet or not.

I say this from a place of experience where I was the one who could not accept this as fact, even though it was not me that lied.

But nothing is broken, you don't understand my personal life.

For example, if a musician makes a contract only to record for Sony and then records something for Polydor, he has broken his contract - even before Sony find out.

Very true. But surely only the consequences arise if/when they have been found out.

You can go through life and never have to face consequences of some actions. I'm living proof of that.

Again, we will have to agree to disagree - it is my experience that there are very real consequences in the spirit for both parties whether we are aware of them at the time or not."

I take it you've been cheated on that you're so adamant about this.