FabSwingers.com forum: Communication

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

But what if the communication efforts fall onto deaf ears? Or if only one person is doing all the talking? Or everything that is said is dismissed or ignored? If the communication just goes around and around in circles?

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it."

My opinion is that if what you say is the case the relationship is one sided and for me would be over. Communication in my opinion involves all parties and if one won't engage then the nature of the relationship changes from partners in the true sense of the word to house mates. Where people choose to go with that it another story.

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

If the communication is not flowing or one way, I move on, it's either 'not to be' or 'not at this time.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i had a relationship like that, well more than one.

i ended these relationships.

i don't have the inclination to be disrespected like that.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've noticed that often when people refuse to communicate within a relationship they're frightened of the consequences of what they need to say. Not realising that the consequences of not saying it are much worse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does your other half know you're on a swingers site?

Had to be asked as its the first thing to be asked when a male posts a thread like this!

On looking at your profile, it says you need 100% discretion. This sounds to me like you aren't working that well with the communication side of things!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it."

Did at any point you communicate to your husband that you're cheating on him with other people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

it's the way of the (swinging) world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

Thank you!

If a male posts a whiney arse thread like this without his other half knowing he's subjected to plenty of abuse from the females of the site!

Piss off with your double standards OP! No sympathy here if you aren't happy in your relationship, end it! Rather than being on here and complaining about the lack of communication!

Comical.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

another load of communication that wasnt asked for...stick to the topic, or go start your own threads...she wasn't asking for the moral police..f'ing bullies..

mind your own god damn business

straight talk, sticking to the facts and not projecting and making things personal and owning your own stuff, in my view, brings out the best from communication.

speak from the I, take time to listen,pause before responding, and don't respond from the feeling/ assumption space people normally kick off from. and stick to topic, dont try to unravel a whole load of stuff in one go. small goals = big changes over time would be my suggestion x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"another load of communication that wasnt asked for...stick to the topic, or go start your own threads...she wasn't asking for the moral police..f'ing bullies..

mind your own god damn business

straight talk, sticking to the facts and not projecting and making things personal and owning your own stuff, in my view, brings out the best from communication.

Hilarious! This is exactly what I was talking about!

Another female comes along and defends this other female who, no matter how you dress it up, is cheating!

I say again, if the op was a male it would be a totally different story!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

Thank you!

If a male posts a whiney arse thread like this without his other half knowing he's subjected to plenty of abuse from the females of the site!

Piss off with your double standards OP! No sympathy here if you aren't happy in your relationship, end it! Rather than being on here and complaining about the lack of communication!

Comical."

Excuse me, would you mind refraining from using such vulgar language at me. I'm interested to hear everyone's views, but there is NO NEED to swear at me at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Please can everyone keep this thread nice please. By all means, sat your point of view,I find it extremely interesting and intriguing, but do not personally attack people and use abusive swearing language.

'Tis the season of goodwill and all that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

it's the way of the (swinging) world

And the swinging works is fabulous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

Thank you!

If a male posts a whiney arse thread like this without his other half knowing he's subjected to plenty of abuse from the females of the site!

Piss off with your double standards OP! No sympathy here if you aren't happy in your relationship, end it! Rather than being on here and complaining about the lack of communication!

Comical.

Excuse me, would you mind refraining from using such vulgar language at me. I'm interested to hear everyone's views, but there is NO NEED to swear at me at all."

Fair play, I'll rephrase that, go and take your double standards somewhere else!

However, the sentiment remains the same!

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"another load of communication that wasnt asked for...stick to the topic, or go start your own threads...she wasn't asking for the moral police..f'ing bullies..

mind your own god damn business

straight talk, sticking to the facts and not projecting and making things personal and owning your own stuff, in my view, brings out the best from communication.

Hilarious! This is exactly what I was talking about!

Another female comes along and defends this other female who, no matter how you dress it up, is cheating!

I say again, if the op was a male it would be a totally different story! "
actually i speak up for those men aswell..so why dont you check my green arrow before you spout off..no one tells me who to meet, who i can and cant have sex with..its not your business..you dont control me...i dont give a flying rats arse what you think..see communication..you should check the history and context of those speaking..learn from previous experience so you dont look like an idiot

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

Thank you!

If a male posts a whiney arse thread like this without his other half knowing he's subjected to plenty of abuse from the females of the site!

Piss off with your double standards OP! No sympathy here if you aren't happy in your relationship, end it! Rather than being on here and complaining about the lack of communication!

Comical.

Excuse me, would you mind refraining from using such vulgar language at me. I'm interested to hear everyone's views, but there is NO NEED to swear at me at all.

Fair play, I'll rephrase that, go and take your double standards somewhere else!

However, the sentiment remains the same! "

That's much better, absoloutely no need for swearing. Totally below the belt. I suggest you keep off my posts in future if they reduce you to feeling the need to swear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your needs aren't being met in a physical sense (which is why you're on here, let's be frank) and now your emotional needs aren't being met either I'd say it's time to move on.

Personally I have an issue with people cheating on their spouses anyway, If you aren't happy at home, leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

Thank you!

If a male posts a whiney arse thread like this without his other half knowing he's subjected to plenty of abuse from the females of the site!

Piss off with your double standards OP! No sympathy here if you aren't happy in your relationship, end it! Rather than being on here and complaining about the lack of communication!

Comical.

Excuse me, would you mind refraining from using such vulgar language at me. I'm interested to hear everyone's views, but there is NO NEED to swear at me at all.

Fair play, I'll rephrase that, go and take your double standards somewhere else!

However, the sentiment remains the same!

That's much better, absoloutely no need for swearing. Totally below the belt. I suggest you keep off my posts in future if they reduce you to feeling the need to swear."

To take such offence to the word "piss" hints at a very thin skin! It is possible that people with such a low tolerance for disagreement/casual swearing shouldn't open themselves up to such things on an Internet forum!

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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

Thank you!

If a male posts a whiney arse thread like this without his other half knowing he's subjected to plenty of abuse from the females of the site!

Piss off with your double standards OP! No sympathy here if you aren't happy in your relationship, end it! Rather than being on here and complaining about the lack of communication!

Comical.

Excuse me, would you mind refraining from using such vulgar language at me. I'm interested to hear everyone's views, but there is NO NEED to swear at me at all.

Fair play, I'll rephrase that, go and take your double standards somewhere else!

However, the sentiment remains the same!

That's much better, absoloutely no need for swearing. Totally below the belt. I suggest you keep off my posts in future if they reduce you to feeling the need to swear."

Wait! Swearing on a swinging forum?

I suppose a fuck's out of the question then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

howay man all he said was piss of this is too funny!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

Thank you!

If a male posts a whiney arse thread like this without his other half knowing he's subjected to plenty of abuse from the females of the site!

Piss off with your double standards OP! No sympathy here if you aren't happy in your relationship, end it! Rather than being on here and complaining about the lack of communication!

Comical.

Excuse me, would you mind refraining from using such vulgar language at me. I'm interested to hear everyone's views, but there is NO NEED to swear at me at all.

Fair play, I'll rephrase that, go and take your double standards somewhere else!

However, the sentiment remains the same!

That's much better, absoloutely no need for swearing. Totally below the belt. I suggest you keep off my posts in future if they reduce you to feeling the need to swear.

Wait! Swearing on a swinging forum?

I suppose a fuck's out of the question then?

It's all about the context it's used in.

FAF is said in good taste and humour, the way he spoke was intended to offend. Huge difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why is it the cheats on here always put all the blame on thier unknowing partner who can't defend themselves or give thier side of the story?

Thank you!

If a male posts a whiney arse thread like this without his other half knowing he's subjected to plenty of abuse from the females of the site!

Piss off with your double standards OP! No sympathy here if you aren't happy in your relationship, end it! Rather than being on here and complaining about the lack of communication!

Comical.

Excuse me, would you mind refraining from using such vulgar language at me. I'm interested to hear everyone's views, but there is NO NEED to swear at me at all.

Fair play, I'll rephrase that, go and take your double standards somewhere else!

However, the sentiment remains the same!

That's much better, absoloutely no need for swearing. Totally below the belt. I suggest you keep off my posts in future if they reduce you to feeling the need to swear.

Wait! Swearing on a swinging forum?

I suppose a fuck's out of the question then?

It's all about the context it's used in.

FAF is said in good taste and humour, the way he spoke was intended to offend. Huge difference."

Are you intentionally being obtuse here or are you genuinely missing something?

Here you are on a swingers website and have been on here for 7 months, not short of meets, cheating on your partner all the time and you're getting so gravely offended by someone telling you to "piss off"?

Doesn't that seem ridiculous to you?

Pretty sure your partner would be pretty "offended" lol

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By *utdoor couple.Couple
over a year ago

Coventry

Probably bitching to partners from here about OH, ho ho ho

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Probably bitching to partners from here about OH, ho ho ho"

Dear oh dear

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"howay man all he said was piss of this is too funny! "

Maybe you're used to been spoken to in that way in real life. I, on the other hand, aren't. I talk to my dog more politely than the way he talks. But hey, we can't all have the same standards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it."

I just smile sweetly and persist

than beg if I have to m x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"another load of communication that wasnt asked for...stick to the topic, or go start your own threads...she wasn't asking for the moral police..f'ing bullies..

mind your own god damn business

straight talk, sticking to the facts and not projecting and making things personal and owning your own stuff, in my view, brings out the best from communication.

Hilarious! This is exactly what I was talking about!

Another female comes along and defends this other female who, no matter how you dress it up, is cheating!

I say again, if the op was a male it would be a totally different story! actually i speak up for those men aswell..so why dont you check my green arrow before you spout off..no one tells me who to meet, who i can and cant have sex with..its not your business..you dont control me...i dont give a flying rats arse what you think..see communication..you should check the history and context of those speaking..learn from previous experience so you dont look like an idiot

Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"another load of communication that wasnt asked for...stick to the topic, or go start your own threads...she wasn't asking for the moral police..f'ing bullies..

mind your own god damn business

straight talk, sticking to the facts and not projecting and making things personal and owning your own stuff, in my view, brings out the best from communication.

Hilarious! This is exactly what I was talking about!

Another female comes along and defends this other female who, no matter how you dress it up, is cheating!

Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

Who is asking for justification, certainly not me. This thread was actually a question, asking what people do if communication stops.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"i had a relationship like that, well more than one.

i ended these relationships.

i don't have the inclination to be disrespected like that."

Same here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it.

I just smile sweetly and persist

than beg if I have to m x"

Thank you. Finally someone has answered my question instead of turning this thread into negative and offensive

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

Why turn something into something worse by embellishing what the OP actually said?

She asked a question about how other people dealt with such a situation. Where did she complain about some bloke?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

Why turn something into something worse by embellishing what the OP actually said?

She asked a question about how other people dealt with such a situation. Where did she complain about some bloke?

Allelujah !! Thank you kinky for pointing that out, you're a lady with common sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

Why turn something into something worse by embellishing what the OP actually said?

She asked a question about how other people dealt with such a situation. Where did she complain about some bloke?

I wouldnt say I embellished anything, just took a look at the situation!

Turns out she's cheating on her partner and complaining that there's no communication!

Comical.

Also is mortified by someone telling her to piss off!

Also Comical.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

Why turn something into something worse by embellishing what the OP actually said?

She asked a question about how other people dealt with such a situation. Where did she complain about some bloke?

I wouldnt say I embellished anything, just took a look at the situation!

Turns out she's cheating on her partner and complaining that there's no communication!

Comical.

Also is mortified by someone telling her to piss off!

Also Comical. "

I'm keeping you entertained aren't I lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

Why turn something into something worse by embellishing what the OP actually said?

She asked a question about how other people dealt with such a situation. Where did she complain about some bloke?

I wouldnt say I embellished anything, just took a look at the situation!

Turns out she's cheating on her partner and complaining that there's no communication!

Comical.

Also is mortified by someone telling her to piss off!

Also Comical.

I'm keeping you entertained aren't I lol

Certainly are!

But for all the wrong reasons

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

Why turn something into something worse by embellishing what the OP actually said?

She asked a question about how other people dealt with such a situation. Where did she complain about some bloke?

I wouldnt say I embellished anything, just took a look at the situation!

Turns out she's cheating on her partner and complaining that there's no communication!

Comical.

Also is mortified by someone telling her to piss off!

Also Comical.

I'm keeping you entertained aren't I lol

Certainly are!

But for all the wrong reasons

I don't care about the reasons, why would I. This isn't real life

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Are you intentionally being obtuse here or are you genuinely missing something?

Doesn't that seem ridiculous to you?

Pretty sure your partner would be pretty "offended" lol"

Telling someone to Piss Off is offensive. That's all that phrase is meant to be. Why not post something constructive about the original post?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Are you intentionally being obtuse here or are you genuinely missing something?

Doesn't that seem ridiculous to you?

Pretty sure your partner would be pretty "offended" lol

Telling someone to Piss Off is offensive. That's all that phrase is meant to be. Why not post something constructive about the original post?"

Thank you. Someone else that's has standards and realises that there's no need to be verbally abusive. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dump them

no communication is shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you intentionally being obtuse here or are you genuinely missing something?

Doesn't that seem ridiculous to you?

Pretty sure your partner would be pretty "offended" lol

Telling someone to Piss Off is offensive. That's all that phrase is meant to be. Why not post something constructive about the original post?"

If you read through again, you'll find that there was something constructive said. However for the benefit of yourself and others I'll repeat myself.

This "single woman" who is on fab and has been for the past 7 months without her partners knowledge is complaining about how hard she works to communicate with her partner and how the communication "falls on deaf ears".

I highlighted the screaming double standard in this situation and the following grief was administered because she is in fact not nearly as hard done by as she is keen to convey to us, the readers. The only party in this situation who is hard done by is the poor sod that's partnered to her! (apologies if "sod" offends any of you wooly, knit-your-own-lentil, bicycle riding, mumsnet-reading, vegetarians)

I highlighted and administered said grief forthwith to restore a tad of equilibrium as when a single male posts such a thread, typically females are very quick to hurl abuse at them!

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By *utdoor couple.Couple
over a year ago

Coventry

[Removed by poster at 26/12/16 20:27:28]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same shit, different day.

Blah blah blah - the ones screaming double standard are the ones generally tearing into the married men who post. I can't think of one poster I've ever seen leap to the defence of a cheating woman who has had a go at a cheating man. It's the same ones who choose to assert their perceived superiority by lobbing "cheating scum" at people, regardless of their gender. And the ones who really don't give a toss because it's nothing to do with them don't tend to give a toss whether it's a man or a woman.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Are you intentionally being obtuse here or are you genuinely missing something?

Doesn't that seem ridiculous to you?

Pretty sure your partner would be pretty "offended" lol

Telling someone to Piss Off is offensive. That's all that phrase is meant to be. Why not post something constructive about the original post?

If you read through again, you'll find that there was something constructive said. However for the benefit of yourself and others I'll repeat myself.

I highlighted and administered said grief forthwith to restore a tad of equilibrium as when a single male posts such a thread, typically females are very quick to hurl abuse at them!

I am "single" for Fab purposes. Had I put married, people would of perhaps expected meting both myself and my husband. For those who can read and understand, my profile clearly states I am married. I've nothing to hide

I still fail to see where you gave constructive helpful advice. All you did was judge on a situation you know nothing about. But hey, I've enjoyed your posts, makes this all the more interesting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Same shit, different day.

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By *edonistic ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Stratford

"Same shit, different day.

^^ This. It's non of our business. The original post made me squirm a little as to me (her), this site isn't a medium for a sensible (sic) discussion on this topic (though I cannot for the life of me think of a sensible alternative). Whatever you decides to do: may it bring you peace and happiness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same shit, different day.

Meh actually your right - I don't give a toss!

But it's appears that recently it's always the same people trying to justify their cheating!

I say crack on, but don't expect to come on a public forum and have everyone shake your hand for being a liar!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Same shit, different day.

Meh actually your right - I don't give a toss!

But it's appears that recently it's always the same people trying to justify their cheating!

I say crack on, but don't expect to come on a public forum and have everyone shake your hand for being a liar!

Where have I asked for anyone to shake my hand. I don't seek approval, I don't need to. I was curious about how other couples deal with such situations.

Oh, and this is a sex site on the internet, lying comes quite the norm in these places, by a lot of people

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By *ust MonicaWoman
over a year ago

CAMBRIDGESHIRE

I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Same shit, different day.

Good valid point, I never expect a great deal of sense on here, it's all good reading though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

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By *ust MonicaWoman
over a year ago

CAMBRIDGESHIRE

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee."

My ex thought that I didn't know too. He was too caught up in it. The judge was very interested when I produced everything at the divorce. Sorry but u can't expect a great relationship doing what ur doing so crack on and either accept ur relationship is shit or stop moaning and leave?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

Erm, where have I moaned?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

Erm, where have I moaned?"

And where did I say my relationship is shit? Sex is only one part of a relationship don't you know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well the fact that you've posted this thread at all suggests that you're unhappy. There's no/very little communication.. and then there's the fact that you're cheating on him, which implies the sex is shit too... so what's left of your relationship?

Oh and yes I am used to people swearing around me.. it's just a normal thing where I'm from. Doesn't mean I don't have standards flower, different strokes for different folks.

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By *ust MonicaWoman
over a year ago

CAMBRIDGESHIRE

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

Erm, where have I moaned?"

At the start about him not communicating?

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By *ust MonicaWoman
over a year ago

CAMBRIDGESHIRE

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

Erm, where have I moaned?

And where did I say my relationship is shit? Sex is only one part of a relationship don't you know."

Haha I do know. U implied it was hard as he is not communicating, ur in here so sextant be great, clearly u don't care about him or u wouldn't be on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well the fact that you've posted this thread at all suggests that you're unhappy. There's no/very little communication.. and then there's the fact that you're cheating on him, which implies the sex is shit too... so what's left of your relationship?

Oh and yes I am used to people swearing around me.. it's just a normal thing where I'm from. Doesn't mean I don't have standards flower, different strokes for different folks."

To be fair I think there's a difference between people swearing around you and people swearing AT you. I'd bite back if someone told me to piss off (unless it was said in jest - which that kid wasn't)...but I'm not offended by swear words around me, I use enough of them myself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

Erm, where have I moaned?

At the start about him not communicating? "

But I wasn't moaning about it, I simply stated a fact. I haven't moaned in the slightest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

Erm, where have I moaned?

And where did I say my relationship is shit? Sex is only one part of a relationship don't you know.

Haha I do know. U implied it was hard as he is not communicating, ur in here so sextant be great, clearly u don't care about him or u wouldn't be on here "

You clearly dont understand, but you don't know the whole story so I wouldn't expect you to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh and yes I am used to people swearing around me.. it's just a normal thing where I'm from. Doesn't mean I don't have standards flower, different strokes for different folks."

My relationship has some great qualities thank you. But like the majority of marriages, there is an area which isn't quite right. Anyone who says their marriage is perfect in every single aspect is deluded. Or very newly married lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

Erm, where have I moaned?

And where did I say my relationship is shit? Sex is only one part of a relationship don't you know.

Haha I do know. U implied it was hard as he is not communicating, ur in here so sextant be great, clearly u don't care about him or u wouldn't be on here

You clearly dont understand, but you don't know the whole story so I wouldn't expect you to."

Is that a policeman leaving?

No its just a cop out!

You can't just say "oh you don't know the whole story, do you?" every time someone disgarees!

That's a bloody shocking counter argument!

(apologies again for "swearing" yer majesty! Curtsey, curtsey, bow)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh and yes I am used to people swearing around me.. it's just a normal thing where I'm from. Doesn't mean I don't have standards flower, different strokes for different folks.

Exactly, not one person I know would swear at me personally, but that's because I'm surrounded in life by great friendly people who know how to speak to others with respect. Swearing can have its place, in the right context.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and yes I am used to people swearing around me.. it's just a normal thing where I'm from. Doesn't mean I don't have standards flower, different strokes for different folks.

Oh aye so the obvious, logical remedy is to go and sign up to a swingers website and go on a 7 month (possibly longer) cheating campaign on the poor bastard!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

Erm, where have I moaned?

And where did I say my relationship is shit? Sex is only one part of a relationship don't you know.

Haha I do know. U implied it was hard as he is not communicating, ur in here so sextant be great, clearly u don't care about him or u wouldn't be on here

You clearly dont understand, but you don't know the whole story so I wouldn't expect you to.

Is that a policeman leaving?

No its just a cop out!

You can't just say "oh you don't know the whole story, do you?" every time someone disgarees!

That's a bloody shocking counter argument!

(apologies again for "swearing" yer majesty! Curtsey, curtsey, bow)"

Why do you get so wound up by this discussion. Chill out, it's Christmas

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh and yes I am used to people swearing around me.. it's just a normal thing where I'm from. Doesn't mean I don't have standards flower, different strokes for different folks.

Oh aye so the obvious, logical remedy is to go and sign up to a swingers website and go on a 7 month (possibly longer) cheating campaign on the poor bastard!"

People do what they feel they want/need to in life, live and let live

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry but perhaps ur communication skills are not as good as u assume. Something is clearly wrong if u have to come on fab. Did u communicate that to ur partner?

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any excuse to cheat. It only causes devastation to those that are cheated on.

U r on here for a reason? Looks like ur relationship is not working? Sex no good? Communication no good? Why are u still together?

Perhaps he is not responding as he has an idea that ur cheating? Sorry

He has no idea. That I can guarantee.

Erm, where have I moaned?

And where did I say my relationship is shit? Sex is only one part of a relationship don't you know.

Haha I do know. U implied it was hard as he is not communicating, ur in here so sextant be great, clearly u don't care about him or u wouldn't be on here

You clearly dont understand, but you don't know the whole story so I wouldn't expect you to.

Is that a policeman leaving?

No its just a cop out!

You can't just say "oh you don't know the whole story, do you?" every time someone disgarees!

That's a bloody shocking counter argument!

(apologies again for "swearing" yer majesty! Curtsey, curtsey, bow)

Why do you get so wound up by this discussion. Chill out, it's Christmas

Because there's no way you can be this moronically thick and obtuse without doing in on purpose!

Don't worry hen, it's boxing day

Season of goodwill

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

Why turn something into something worse by embellishing what the OP actually said?

She asked a question about how other people dealt with such a situation. Where did she complain about some bloke?

I wouldnt say I embellished anything, just took a look at the situation!

Turns out she's cheating on her partner and complaining that there's no communication!

Comical.

Also is mortified by someone telling her to piss off!

Also Comical. "

You've decided to look at the OP's profile and make your judgments. But this post wasn't about her profile, it was only asking about communication issues in relationships.

You've turned it into a personal attack on the OP, which is a bit shit really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and yes I am used to people swearing around me.. it's just a normal thing where I'm from. Doesn't mean I don't have standards flower, different strokes for different folks.

Swearing is fucking rude

Go and fuck a stranger behind your partners back and tell all the friendly people you know that know how to speak to others - see what they think about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it."

Ok let's get this back to the original topic and not a bitchfest/personal dig at people who are here for different reasons.

OP have you exhausted every way of communicating with your partner? Have you tried mediation? If you have done everything then maybe the next conversation needs to be about how the lack of communication is affecting you as a couple. Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh and yes I am used to people swearing around me.. it's just a normal thing where I'm from. Doesn't mean I don't have standards flower, different strokes for different folks.

Swearing is fucking rude

Go and fuck a stranger behind your partners back and tell all the friendly people you know that know how to speak to others - see what they think about it.

Some that know the full facts already know, and fully support me. True friendship

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it.

Ok let's get this back to the original topic and not a bitchfest/personal dig at people who are here for different reasons.

Thank you, I haven't tried outside mediation as he wouldn't attend. That was a suggestion of mine quite a while ago.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've noticed that often when people refuse to communicate within a relationship they're frightened of the consequences of what they need to say. Not realising that the consequences of not saying it are much worse. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair. "

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with.

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

Historically it is men who have mainly been involved in infidelity (but that's ok! men have needs

)

As men we are also quite guilty of being poor communicators (But then again! We are men, it is not our fault, we find it difficult

)..

Women taking control of their life and needs???

Its a part of the site I find so refreshing...

As for communication, the detractors/complainants are displaying far less with regards to objective, communication skills than the OP...

Good for you OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Historically it is men who have mainly been involved in infidelity (but that's ok! men have needs

)

As men we are also quite guilty of being poor communicators (But then again! We are men, it is not our fault, we find it difficult

)..

Women taking control of their life and needs???

Its a part of the site I find so refreshing...

As for communication, the detractors/complainants are displaying far less with regards to objective, communication skills than the OP...

Good for you OP"

Thank you. You're obviously a wise man who can see that life isn't black and white. You also have respect for others in these forums, whether you agree or not with how a person is choosing to live their life, and you also have a sense of humour and can get valid points across whilst keeping the thread lighthearted. Thank you.

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

"Historically it is men who have mainly been involved in infidelity (but that's ok! men have needs

)

As men we are also quite guilty of being poor communicators (But then again! We are men, it is not our fault, we find it difficult

)..

Women taking control of their life and needs???

Its a part of the site I find so refreshing...

As for communication, the detractors/complainants are displaying far less with regards to objective, communication skills than the OP...

Good for you OP

Thank you OP

Cock pic on its way

Just kidding

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Historically it is men who have mainly been involved in infidelity (but that's ok! men have needs

)

As men we are also quite guilty of being poor communicators (But then again! We are men, it is not our fault, we find it difficult

)..

Women taking control of their life and needs???

Its a part of the site I find so refreshing...

As for communication, the detractors/complainants are displaying far less with regards to objective, communication skills than the OP...

Good for you OP

Thank you OP

Cock pic on its way

Just kidding

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with."

If the one subject is the relationship itself or anything crucial to it then that's irrelevant, there is no way to repair it without. And the cheating breaks the contract anyway. IMO it takes the full commitment of two people for a marriage to function - hard to face I know.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with.

But the marriage is functioning very happily for the majority of the time. No marriage is perfect.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with.

But the marriage is functioning very happily for the majority of the time. No marriage is perfect."

I disagree the marriage is functioning if you are cheating - that alone makes it totally dysfunctional in my book, the contract is broken.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with.

But the marriage is functioning very happily for the majority of the time. No marriage is perfect.

I disagree the marriage is functioning if you are cheating - that alone makes it totally dysfunctional in my book, the contract is broken. "

No it doesn't but I shan't argue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it.

Ok let's get this back to the original topic and not a bitchfest/personal dig at people who are here for different reasons.

Thank you, I haven't tried outside mediation as he wouldn't attend. That was a suggestion of mine quite a while ago. "

You have tried then. Some people prefer to bury their heads in the said and avoid confronting the situation. You could maybe go alone (not so much mediation but counselling to make sense of the situation, and how it will affect you). Difficult situation to be in OP.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with."

It's possible he knows he's 'lost' you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with.

It's possible he knows he's 'lost' you."

But he hasn't. I'm still sharing 99% my life with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps maybe overthinking things. Im no expert on all this but Ive always been guilty of overthinking things. Possibly even driving myself a little crazy but its how you deal with it that matters

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it.

Ok let's get this back to the original topic and not a bitchfest/personal dig at people who are here for different reasons.

Thank you, I haven't tried outside mediation as he wouldn't attend. That was a suggestion of mine quite a while ago.

I most certainly have tried, and I won't give up trying.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

He is communicating, but not by talking. Think carefully about other ways .... what he is doing, how actions are showing what he thinks and feels. We talk about everything, but I know when Mr has something on his mind: he doesn't talk. I do the same. Can you give him time and space? Are you giving him enough time or are you bombarding him with thoughts and decisions? I haven't ready most of the thread. Apologies if I have missed anything

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"He is communicating, but not by talking. Think carefully about other ways .... what he is doing, how actions are showing what he thinks and feels. We talk about everything, but I know when Mr has something on his mind: he doesn't talk. I do the same. Can you give him time and space? Are you giving him enough time or are you bombarding him with thoughts and decisions? I haven't ready most of the thread. Apologies if I have missed anything "

I think I've given him time and space, it's been ongoing for years. It's not something that's mentioned regularly as there's no point making an issue of sex these days as he's happy with the way things are. He tells me so often that he's happy, and it shows in the things he says and does. Hence why my OP, as when we do discuss we go around in circles. Hope that makes some sense.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I haven't read the whole thread my apologies but the subject caught my attention.

Have you sat down and been tactfully blunt with him. Maybe he needs a wakeup call?

If my partner sat down in front of my and said 'this is making me unhappy and I really need a resolution to be found, whatever that maybe' I'd be very concerned and pay attention.

If you are on here looking for satisfaction I'd say that's a pretty big problem within a marriage. Ultimately if you have tried that more than once and he still isn't going to listen then maybe one last sit down and be totally blunt. If there's no change from there then you'll need to decide to go on as you are or consider your alternatives. I think maybe that resentment will only grow with time if you stay as you are though.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Counselling?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I haven't read the whole thread my apologies but the subject caught my attention.

Have you sat down and been tactfully blunt with him. Maybe he needs a wakeup call?

If my partner sat down in front of my and said 'this is making me unhappy and I really need a resolution to be found, whatever that maybe' I'd be very concerned and pay attention.

I've tried so many times that I've lost count. He knows exactly how I feel, without a doubt. But like I say, he's happy and I'm happy. I've learned to accept things won't change.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Counselling?"

I've been there and done it.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"I haven't read the whole thread my apologies but the subject caught my attention.

Have you sat down and been tactfully blunt with him. Maybe he needs a wakeup call?

If my partner sat down in front of my and said 'this is making me unhappy and I really need a resolution to be found, whatever that maybe' I'd be very concerned and pay attention.

I've tried so many times that I've lost count. He knows exactly how I feel, without a doubt. But like I say, he's happy and I'm happy. I've learned to accept things won't change. "

That's must get you down a lot? I'll be honest and say I think that would effect how I felt about my partner dramatically. I won't say I'd walk away as there are children involved but it definitely have a major impact on 'us'.

Is it that your sexual needs don't line up? Is that what the crux of the problem is? If it is I don't understand why he wouldn't be concerned about that and want to correct it. I don't see how he could expect to hold your interest if he didn't do something about it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I haven't read the whole thread my apologies but the subject caught my attention.

Have you sat down and been tactfully blunt with him. Maybe he needs a wakeup call?

If my partner sat down in front of my and said 'this is making me unhappy and I really need a resolution to be found, whatever that maybe' I'd be very concerned and pay attention.

I've tried so many times that I've lost count. He knows exactly how I feel, without a doubt. But like I say, he's happy and I'm happy. I've learned to accept things won't change.

The things I've experienced in life, I've learned not to let things get me down, and instead try to focus on positives instead of the negatives. He has shown concern, but like I say, our discussions go around in circles with no solution. Hence the situation is as it is now.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"I haven't read the whole thread my apologies but the subject caught my attention.

Have you sat down and been tactfully blunt with him. Maybe he needs a wakeup call?

If my partner sat down in front of my and said 'this is making me unhappy and I really need a resolution to be found, whatever that maybe' I'd be very concerned and pay attention.

I've tried so many times that I've lost count. He knows exactly how I feel, without a doubt. But like I say, he's happy and I'm happy. I've learned to accept things won't change.

I don't envy your position. I can understand totally how you got to the point you are at.

Clearly you feel you've tried everything so I guess you are kept with either the solution you have chosen or walking away.

I think if I'm totally honest I'd end up where you are. I wouldn't be happy but I could not abandon my children in exchange for a satisfying sex life with my partner.

I suppose now it comes down to wether you want to carry on as y9u are or be push back harder and perhaps suggest if he's not going to take care of your needs maybe you should look elsewhere. Maybe he could deal with a hotwife scenario... I would hate to be dishonest, it's a tough situation for sure.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Following all the negative, abusive and personal attacks on me at the beginning and middle of this thread, I'd like to thank you those of you who posted positive comments and tried to suggest ways of improving the situation.

I know it's not perfect, but hey, let's face it, whose life really is.

Happiness is what counts at the end of the day, so happy swinging to the positive happy people on this site who are here for the same reason that I am, to have fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Following all the negative, abusive and personal attacks on me at the beginning and middle of this thread, I'd like to thank you those of you who posted positive comments and tried to suggest ways of improving the situation.

I know it's not perfect, but hey, let's face it, whose life really is.

Happiness is what counts at the end of the day, so happy swinging to the positive happy people on this site who are here for the same reason that I am, to have fun.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I know it's not perfect, but hey, let's face it, whose life really is.

Happiness is what counts at the end of the day, so happy swinging to the positive happy people on this site who are here for the same reason that I am, to have fun.

It's all about the fun here when it's done right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and yes I am used to people swearing around me.. it's just a normal thing where I'm from. Doesn't mean I don't have standards flower, different strokes for different folks.

My fella happens to be the kinda bloke who would go off in a huff rather that sit down and talk about something. But we work it out mostly after a fair bit of persistance, nagging, shouting then a good fuck. I mean no two couples are alike, you will know better than us what your relationship and your man are like. I know what buttons to press for my fella to get him to talk. I assume you'be been with him for quite a while..? Maybe a fresh perspective would help. Some marriage councilling or something? But if you want to fix things with him I think honesty is always the best policy. If you're looking for a way out, don't look for excuses, just move on. Good luck op. Really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it."

Communication has to go both ways, or it's not really communication.

I've been in a situation where my partner wasn't willing to even discuss our problems. Her response was that she was happy the way things were, so it was just my problem... I left.

The way I look at it, is you're not truly compatible. You can waste your life on someone that doesn't truly make you happy, or you can cut yourself loose. At least if the right person does come along, you're available!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spoke to my grandparents friends who had been together 75 years. Apparently trick of the trade is dont fall out of love at the same time.

Sounds obvious but 75 years is impressive regardless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

Why turn something into something worse by embellishing what the OP actually said?

She asked a question about how other people dealt with such a situation. Where did she complain about some bloke?

The bit where she uses her situation/relationship as the "case study"

Or are you saying her partner is a woman?

Or did you think the "i communicate all the time he doesnt what would you do" doesnt not reflect negativly on the "he"?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I spoke to my grandparents friends who had been together 75 years. Apparently trick of the trade is dont fall out of love at the same time.

Sounds obvious but 75 years is impressive regardless "

75 years is a fantastic achievement. Not something I'll manage though.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"another load of communication that wasnt asked for...stick to the topic, or go start your own threads...she wasn't asking for the moral police..f'ing bullies..

mind your own god damn business

straight talk, sticking to the facts and not projecting and making things personal and owning your own stuff, in my view, brings out the best from communication.

Hilarious! This is exactly what I was talking about!

Another female comes along and defends this other female who, no matter how you dress it up, is cheating!

Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

"
i couldnt care less who she does and doesnt have sex with..if its not your preference then jog on. who made you the moral police.. im immoral, i dont live my live hooked to the expectations of others. anyone who likes and owns their freedom to live the life they want to, has my vote. morals were invented to control the masses. man made rules, for man made 'personal troubles'..minding your own business relieves you of the responsibility, of other peoples lives

i am not or ever want to be a messiah, saviour or 'nag'..people on here who want to nag other people should try doing it to the mirror occasionally and hear what it sounds like..whiny and scratchy and toxic.. have fun with that, its not a vibration thats very attractive

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"another load of communication that wasnt asked for...stick to the topic, or go start your own threads...she wasn't asking for the moral police..f'ing bullies..

mind your own god damn business

straight talk, sticking to the facts and not projecting and making things personal and owning your own stuff, in my view, brings out the best from communication.

Hilarious! This is exactly what I was talking about!

Another female comes along and defends this other female who, no matter how you dress it up, is cheating!

Do you speak for the absent partner we are being presented to judge?

The ops post vilifies her partner for lack of comunication and paints her as a victim.

We're all asked a very loaded onesided question intended to side aginst gim and justify her cheating.

i couldnt care less who she does and doesnt have sex with..if its not your preference then jog on. who made you the moral police.. im immoral, i dont live my live hooked to the expectations of others. anyone who likes and owns their freedom to live the life they want to, has my vote. morals were invented to control the masses. man made rules, for man made 'personal troubles'..minding your own business relieves you of the responsibility, of other peoples lives

Oh Suzy I do love your attitude. So refreshing....and you have an excellent way with words. Girl after my own heart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with."

Without knowing full details it is hard.. I many years ago worked for relate.. and not communicating about a certain issue is very common.. and sometimes even if it may rock the boat you have to make them listen..

Id personally make it clear that this needs discussing... as even something small can fester and become a real issue..

The cheating is none of my business... my advice is on the communication.. perhaps make it clear that he talks to you or you need couples therapy... it is hard as maybe he simply doesn't know how to express himself.

I once had a couple that he was cheating because the wife didn't want sex... she thought he didn't want her

. He thought she didn't want him... but in the end it all got sorted. He did come clean about attending clubs... cheating doesn't have to be the destruction of a relationship but it can cause trust issues

Op good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with.

Id personally make it clear that this needs discussing... as even something small can fester and become a real issue..

I once had a couple that he was cheating because the wife didn't want sex... she thought he didn't want her

Op good luck "

Thank you very much for your advice. Unfortunately everythinv i suggest falls on deaf ears. I would definitely consider Relate but my hubby would rather commit suicide than go to counselling etc. He's a great man but his ideas on life are somewhat stuck in the dark ages.

I think that's the problem, I'm very open minded and have x kind set that some rules are made to be broken. He is of the mind set that there is right and wrong. I think life is mainly shades of grey, he thinks there is black and white. It keeps our relationship interesting and we always have lots to talk about, as they say opposites attract. It's just the physical side where the difference of opinions causes issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with.

Id personally make it clear that this needs discussing... as even something small can fester and become a real issue..

I once had a couple that he was cheating because the wife didn't want sex... she thought he didn't want her

Op good luck

One thing does stand out to me though. In my opinion if he doesn't know you're on here then that's a lack of communication from both of you, isn't it? It sounds like you've tried really hard to communicate your needs with him, but you haven't actually communicated your actions, so it isn't just him who's not communicating. I was in a sexless marriage, I didn't want to have sex with my husband because of how he made me feel about myself. I felt second best with him and it had a massive impact on my self esteem. My sex drive didn't wane, but my sexual interest in him did. I know others will have a different viewpoint but mine is that open communication (from both...) and trying to maintain intimacy together are essential...without them how can you possibly say it's a fulfilling relationship, that's healthy for both?

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If deep-down that IS what you want then you have to try - be clear how the situation makes you feel /don't list all negatives/pick good things and say you want that again. Suggest that you both go for counselling. But tell him that you feel that the situation can not continue indefinitely.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

Thank you for such a kind positive response. I truly do try and I'd love nothing more than my sex live with my husband to be fulfilling, I'd love it if he would join me on my sexual journey . But he refuses. He refuses to discuss and can't get his head around anything I suggest. When I suggest doing something to spice it up, he wonders why I would want to as he's happy as things are. Difficult situation but I do love him. I can't just give up and walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

As a couple you do things you may like or dislike but i suppose I think people view it differently when sex etc is involved, I dont think he would see it the same as you going the football with him which you dislike and him watching you with a couple of finely built hung gentlemen

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

Exactly , although my hubby hates football too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

Exactly , although my hubby hates football too.

hahahahah ok but you get my drift.

Offer women into the equastion hes a man no way would he resist, small steps first

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

Exactly , although my hubby hates football too.

hahahahah ok but you get my drift.

Offer women into the equastion hes a man no way would he resist, small steps first

Yes I did get your drift. I've offered him the opportunity of fullly sharing me and another woman, more times than I care to remember. Trust me when I say I've exhausted every avenue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

Exactly , although my hubby hates football too.

hahahahah ok but you get my drift.

Offer women into the equastion hes a man no way would he resist, small steps first

Yes I did get your drift. I've offered him the opportunity of fullly sharing me and another woman, more times than I care to remember. Trust me when I say I've exhausted every avenue."

Am sorry to hear that its such a shame when couple cannot share theoir desires with their partners

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

Exactly , although my hubby hates football too.

hahahahah ok but you get my drift.

Offer women into the equastion hes a man no way would he resist, small steps first

Yes I did get your drift. I've offered him the opportunity of fullly sharing me and another woman, more times than I care to remember. Trust me when I say I've exhausted every avenue.

Am sorry to hear that its such a shame when couple cannot share theoir desires with their partners

Precisely. But he's happy and I'm happy so that's all that counts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So based on what you've said:

You are in a relationship however communication isn't great.

The physical side would be lacking which is why you are here.

Although the profile says discretion that does not mean your partner doesn't know- and I won't assume- it could be related to your area/children/work...anything.

You say that you are still trying to talk .. which is good it implies you actually want it to improve.

If they agree

Seek help

If not then only YOU can decide if you want to continue in the situation or walk away and life the life that could make you happy (if you are unhappy? Or maybe just lacking in some areas)

Good luck with it

Exactly , although my hubby hates football too.

hahahahah ok but you get my drift.

Offer women into the equastion hes a man no way would he resist, small steps first

Yes I did get your drift. I've offered him the opportunity of fullly sharing me and another woman, more times than I care to remember. Trust me when I say I've exhausted every avenue.

Am sorry to hear that its such a shame when couple cannot share theoir desires with their partners

Precisely. But he's happy and I'm happy so that's all that counts."

exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

youre not a very nice person sre you.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Simple for me...I asked him to leave and we are finally divorced. I tried for a long long time

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"youre not a very nice person sre you."

I wonder who that is to?

If it's to the OP, she has detailed many, many discussions she has had with her husband ... and sounds like she has been open with him. She has laid bare many aspects of their relationship, including that they are happy. What's not nice?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"youre not a very nice person sre you."

Do you mean me ? If so, I fail to see how you can make such an assumption. But you are of course, entitled to your own opinion

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Simple for me...I asked him to leave and we are finally divorced. I tried for a long long time"

I wouldn't want my husband to leave though. We love each other and are happy on the whole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Simple for me...I asked him to leave and we are finally divorced. I tried for a long long time

I wouldn't want my husband to leave though. We love each other and are happy on the whole."

But to reiterate my point, it's not open communication from you if you haven't told him the actions you've chosen for yourself. So it is a breakdown of communication from both parties....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/12/16 22:58:24]

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"youre not a very nice person sre you."
wow..you looking in a mirror?

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

[Removed by poster at 27/12/16 22:58:23]

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with.

It's possible he knows he's 'lost' you.

But he hasn't. I'm still sharing 99% my life with him."

Typo crisis

But not the part he's having trouble talking about?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it."

I'd ditch someone who didn't listen to me. That's not a relationship, it's a dictatorship.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Op, I think if it were me, about the whole relationship and changes over time, too ... might he think you are bombarding him? I know my OH needs much more time to mull things over than I do, whereas I make snap decisions .... like another poster, I think on another thread said, sometimes we change over time in terms of getting our head around things. Now, this is the part of 'married' that I don't always like, having to persuade the other ... but I dont think you guys have to be on the same page about everything, do you? I think it's just a swinging myth, to be honest. Better to disagree agreeably than force the other to do something, surely?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Simple for me...I asked him to leave and we are finally divorced. I tried for a long long time

I wouldn't want my husband to leave though. We love each other and are happy on the whole.

But to reiterate my point, it's not open communication from you if you haven't told him the actions you've chosen for yourself. So it is a breakdown of communication from both parties...."

Why would I tell him, just to wreck my marriage. That would achieve nothing but heartache for people. I'm not a fool.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my opinion if one partner is refusing to communicate and the other is cheating the relationship is very likely to be broken beyond repair.

It is only the one subject that he doesn't communicate about though, everything else there isn't a problem with.

It's possible he knows he's 'lost' you.

But he hasn't. I'm still sharing 99% my life with him.

Typo crisis

But not the part he's having trouble talking about?"
im still sharing every part of my life with him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is a word that often appears in discussions here in the forums.

I for one, have constantly worked at the communication in my relationship, and still continue to do so.

Then what?

I'd be interested to know how other relationships deal with it.

I'd ditch someone who didn't listen to me. That's not a relationship, it's a dictatorship."

He does listen in other areas of our marriage though, we only have this one issue.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/12/16 23:04:22]

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Something are best not shared I think. When I went for a promotion a year and a half ago, my Oh knew how stressed I was and it escalated it ... I got the job, but said, never again because of the stress.

Another promotion came up and I told my supervisor I wouldn't apply as I didn't want the stress. She and a number of other colleagues said I would be a fool not to. So I applied, but didn't tell my Oh I was going through the process. I got that promotion too .... and then told the OH. It was a much calmer process. I know on one level this isn't comparable, but its not the death knoll of a relationship, just because you don't share everything ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op, I think if it were me, about the whole relationship and changes over time, too ... might he think you are bombarding him? I know my OH needs much more time to mull things over than I do, whereas I make snap decisions .... like another poster, I think on another thread said, sometimes we change over time in terms of getting our head around things. Now, this is the part of 'married' that I don't always like, having to persuade the other ... but I dont think you guys have to be on the same page about everything, do you? I think it's just a swinging myth, to be honest. Better to disagree agreeably than force the other to do something, surely? "

Exactly. I wonder how many couples are on here, where one person is simply going along with it to please their partner? Of course I doubt anyone willl publicly admit to this on a forum, but I myself have talked to quite a few couples where it is obvious that is what is going on.

I don't feel I do bombard my husband, as I don't mention it too often, usually only when we are having a heart to heart, or a conversation about sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Something are best not shared I think. When I went for a promotion a year and a half ago, my Oh knew how stressed I was and it escalated it ... I got the job, but said, never again because of the stress.

I totally understand where you're coming from with this. And you refrained from telling him for a good reason. It's a true saying that what people don't know can't hurt them.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I don't feel I do bombard my husband, as I don't mention it too often, usually only when we are having a heart to heart, or a conversation about sex."

I totally agree with Yu regarding the couples thing. But I can't make any other comment than that. Both myself and my OH have spoken about this as we were both in relationships where we mentioned it nut the other party said no. So we left it. We both said it wasn't the make or break of the relationship, and the relationships broke up for other reasons. I totally think it's possible to have a great relationship with someone without both swinging. Much preferred than one forcing the other ... but that's just me

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I totally understand where you're coming from with this. And you refrained from telling him for a good reason. It's a true saying that what people don't know can't hurt them."

I didn't tell him because the first time he said 'no sex for a week as you have to focus on your job' .... that's what stressed me out!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I totally understand where you're coming from with this. And you refrained from telling him for a good reason. It's a true saying that what people don't know can't hurt them.

I didn't tell him because the first time he said 'no sex for a week as you have to focus on your job' .... that's what stressed me out!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It strikes me that you are in a very difficult situation. You love your husband and children but have an unfulfilled sexual desire that you would like him to participate in.

I hope you find a resolution that works.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It strikes me that you are in a very difficult situation. You love your husband and children but have an unfulfilled sexual desire that you would like him to participate in.

I hope you find a resolution that works."

Awww thank you for your kind words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has been a good read...... The power of the vagina is astounding on the forums.

Male post about his marriage and why he is playing away.. He is tarred and feathered

Female post about her marriage and why she is playing away ..... she gets support and advice

By the same posters...

Op do whatever makes you happy, you have one life to live and only you know what works for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This has been a good read...... The power of the vagina is astounding on the forums.

Male post about his marriage and why he is playing away.. He is tarred and feathered

Female post about her marriage and why she is playing away ..... she gets support and advice

By the same posters...

Op do whatever makes you happy, you have one life to live and only you know what works for you."

There has been a certain amount of tar and feathers on here too. You're just choosing to ignore the fact!?!

The way I read it, is that the OP has given her husband every opportunity to work on a more fulfilling sex life and he's declined. Probably because he feels inadequate in some way (just guessing, as I've no idea what was said in their conversations). What else can she do? She could give him some sort of ultimatum, which would undoubtedly end in divorce, or she can carry on as she is, which will probably (but not definitely) end the same way eventually.

Having been cheated on myself, I find it hard to believe he isn't already seeing the signs and just choosing to ignore them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This has been a good read...... The power of the vagina is astounding on the forums.

Male post about his marriage and why he is playing away.. He is tarred and feathered

Female post about her marriage and why she is playing away ..... she gets support and advice

By the same posters...

Op do whatever makes you happy, you have one life to live and only you know what works for you.

There has been a certain amount of tar and feathers on here too. You're just choosing to ignore the fact!?!

Having been cheated on myself, I find it hard to believe he isn't already seeing the signs and just choosing to ignore them.

She has been given hugs compared to some men who post on these threads.

For a good read , click on my green arrow

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By *indandfireCouple
over a year ago

ashbourne

Are you intentionally being obtuse here or are you genuinely missing something?

Doesn't that seem ridiculous to you?

Pretty sure your partner would be pretty "offended" lol

Telling someone to Piss Off is offensive. That's all that phrase is meant to be. Why not post something constructive about the original post?

If you read through again, you'll find that there was something constructive said. However for the benefit of yourself and others I'll repeat myself.

I highlighted and administered said grief forthwith to restore a tad of equilibrium as when a single male posts such a thread, typically females are very quick to hurl abuse at them!

I still fail to see where you gave constructive helpful advice. All you did was judge on a situation you know nothing about. But hey, I've enjoyed your posts, makes this all the more interesting.

I think the advice from the respondent and many others is clear. You are unsatisfied in your relationship and therefore have decided to meet others for sex. You have not communicated this decision to your partner. Freon this we gather:

1. You do not communicate either your unhappiness or your "playing away" to your partner.

2. If you think your partner is not aware of your unhappiness and the atmosphere this and the consequential action creates, you are very naive

3. His reaction to the atmosphere will almost certainly be to shut down and not dare to say anything as it may cause a row.

4. Your actions are creating a far worse situation for both of you.

Your options are:

1. Carry on as you are until one of you hates the other enough to leave

2. Be honest with yourself that you do t want this man, and leave

3. Actually communicate yourself and be honest with him about your unhappiness and playing away as a result. You may talk it out and find a better way forward. He may still not commmunicate and carry on (unlikely) or there may be unhelpful angry communication and you separate both knowing the reason why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same shit, different day.

Meh actually your right - I don't give a toss!

But it's appears that recently it's always the same people trying to justify their cheating!

I say crack on, but don't expect to come on a public forum and have everyone shake your hand for being a liar!

Where have I asked for anyone to shake my hand. I don't seek approval, I don't need to. I was curious about how other couples deal with such situations.

Oh, and this is a sex site on the internet, lying comes quite the norm in these places, by a lot of people

If deceit and lying is involved I can't enjoy the sex! A clear mind is the best aphrodisiac I know.......but everyone has to find their own way through difficult situations OP keep trying, find some way to make it work

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This has been a good read...... The power of the vagina is astounding on the forums.

Male post about his marriage and why he is playing away.. He is tarred and feathered

Female post about her marriage and why she is playing away ..... she gets support and advice

By the same posters...

Op do whatever makes you happy, you have one life to live and only you know what works for you.

There has been a certain amount of tar and feathers on here too. You're just choosing to ignore the fact!?!

Having been cheated on myself, I find it hard to believe he isn't already seeing the signs and just choosing to ignore them.

If you look at my other forum posts, particularly one from the other day, I got swore at and slated and very harsh comments. This post is about my situation, and people have been very nice in trying to give me constructive advice. Sorry if it offends you that people can actually be nice on here.