FabSwingers.com forum: Playing solo with partners consent.

By *aughtybooy OP Man
over a year ago

maidstone

Hi all, some profiles say no married or attached guys! Is it a problem if guys are not getting the fun they need at home and have permission from partner to find extra fun elsewhere rather than splitting up??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure it's not a problem for some couples on here. But by asking such a question, you might be missing a key insight.

The arrangement you're talking about is not going to give you a long term solution.

The reason why swinging works so well for many of us is that we do it together, talk about it together, share the eroticism together and trust eaxh other completely.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just do whatever you want, it is not my place to exercice a judgment on you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtybooy OP Man
over a year ago

maidstone

"I'm sure it's not a problem for some couples on here. But by asking such a question, you might be missing a key insight.

The arrangement you're talking about is not going to give you a long term solution.

The reason why swinging works so well for many of us is that we do it together, talk about it together, share the eroticism together and trust eaxh other completely. "

Thank you for the reply, and I totally see your point, but there are lots of other things couples do separately and probably don't discuss in detail. It's a lot more personal arranging other sexual partners, but as long as it goes no further than the meets what's the issue? And some sort partners may enjoy the thought of the situation but just don't want to join in.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

It is a little tricky.

Quite a few profiles state that the couple or lady will not meet married men. There's so much cheating on Fab, and in the scene in general these days, that it may mean they don't want to meet cheaters...and are assuming virtually all married men are cheating.

Or they might have other reasons for declining to meet married men. In the end it is their choice, and should be respected.

I don't think I have ever written to someone who stipulates that they won't meet married guys, but given that I am in an open marriage where we have both "played away solo" many times over 13 years I do sometimes wonder if I should enquire.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all, some profiles say no married or attached guys! Is it a problem if guys are not getting the fun they need at home and have permission from partner to find extra fun elsewhere rather than splitting up??"

I don't see it as a problem if you have consent. As long as you're honest with whoever you're meeting, who cares?

My only question would be why are you not getting what you need at home and what can be done to fix that, but otherwise crack on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm married and find it hard even with the knowledge of my wife as we both have singular profiles on here that we both know about .... sometimes think it may be easier to lie about being married then some people wont pre judge our arrangement here.

My wife on her profile also states she is married and has no end of couples, females and guys who are prepared to meet her without any hassle at all.

but be in the same situation as a guy and no one believes you lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

but be in the same situation as a guy and no one believes you lol "

Just remember that for every lady on here, there are 20, 30 or more men. And many of those guys are playing away without their partner's knowledge. Women can afford to be picky because they have a huge choice of men to choose from.

While it can seem unfair if you are being truthful and are doubted...it's going to happen.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtybooy OP Man
over a year ago

maidstone

I don't see it as a problem if you have consent. As long as you're honest with whoever you're meeting, who cares?

My only question would be why are you not getting what you need at home and what can be done to fix that, but otherwise crack on."

Mostly due to medical reasons but a little bit of different interests in the mix aswell, it's not totally broken but part of the fix is the consent, it obviously means the frustration isn't so bad.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure it's not a problem for some couples on here. But by asking such a question, you might be missing a key insight.

The arrangement you're talking about is not going to give you a long term solution.

The reason why swinging works so well for many of us is that we do it together, talk about it together, share the eroticism together and trust eaxh other completely. "

That's a bit of an assumption. I know many who play separately and don't involve each other and it works perfectly for them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtybooy OP Man
over a year ago

maidstone

"It is a little tricky.

Or they might have other reasons for declining to meet married men. In the end it is their choice, and should be respected.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtybooy OP Man
over a year ago

maidstone

but be in the same situation as a guy and no one believes you lol

While it can seem unfair if you are being truthful and are doubted...it's going to happen. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

For me i would need permission from the wife or partner that they are happy with this.

From previous experience on my old single profile,if i asked for this confirming there was always an excuse.

Im not saying everyone who writes they have permission is cheating,but certainly some are,

Miss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure it's not a problem for some couples on here. But by asking such a question, you might be missing a key insight.

The arrangement you're talking about is not going to give you a long term solution.

The reason why swinging works so well for many of us is that we do it together, talk about it together, share the eroticism together and trust eaxh other completely.

When a previous very long term relationship of mine broke down on the physical side I asked/discussed looking elsewhere for sex.The reply was,"if you do don't ever knock on my door again".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

No I don't see that as a problem, if they are both happy with that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtybooy OP Man
over a year ago

maidstone

No I don't see that as a problem, if they are both happy with that."

Fantastic! In that case what you both up to on Tuesday? Lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

No I don't see that as a problem, if they are both happy with that.

Fantastic! In that case what you both up to on Tuesday? Lol"

Hee hee, nice try!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the main trouble is how do we really know you have your partners consent?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

its your life, live it the way you want.

no one will care, in 50 years or 100 years from now..not even the moral police force on fab..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its your life, live it the way you want.

no one will care, in 50 years or 100 years from now..not even the moral police force on fab.."

Exactly this!

Personally we couldn't give a flying fuck!

Happy Christmas

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"the main trouble is how do we really know you have your partners consent?"

In my case you can check my veris, some make reference to both of us.

You can ask to see my wife's fab profile, ask to speak with her by phone or skype....or meet her if it does not involve lots of travel.

Or offer to meet me at a club where she'll almost certainly come with me.

Also ask my long term friends who will vouch for our open marriage...come along to the social meets and conferences we organise together for ethical non-monogamy.

It's the people who cannot put you in touch who are dodgy...the ones who make excuse after excuse...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

I'd say people will always take the simplest route for them.

If they want unmarried men then a married man with permission is more work.

I'm sure the 'non of my business moral police' will have a different view. But as everyone likes to say it's their choice how they run their profile.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

If people have "no attached" respect, probably a word you're unfamiliar with, their preferences and move on!

No one should question your reasons for being here, but it works both ways: no one has to justify who they meet!

Personally I wouldn't touch with someone else's anyone who was disrespectful in anyway shape or form to their unsuspecting partner...but that's just me!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

It absolutely is their right to choose not to meet married men. And I appreciate there may well be reasons other than assuming a married guy is cheating.

For example, a single guy can probably extend a planned evening meet into an overnighter with less difficulty than a married man. A married guy will probably have photos of his wife (and kids if there are any) at his home if he accommodates and this puts some people off. Or simply conversation may turn to his wife, which some people find a turn-off.

No doubt other reasons exist. But there is often that nagging question "Would they be OK meeting me if they realised my wife really is cool with it?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're very new to swinging and so have much to learn but our approach is that we don't judge the people we meet, so married people are ok with us. We think it has always gone on and swinging sites lend a pleasingly open aspect to it, or so we tell ourselves.

But does this mean we have missed the point of swinging? Reading some of the comments on here, it seems that swinging is seen as a way of being completely open with your partner. That is true between my wife and I (coming out as bi, her liking for very tall men, my slight liking for cuckoldry and going second) but have we got it wrong by allowing married men? Can it ever be open between the three?

The many comments asking those who do see married people how they would feel if it was done to them are also very valid. Before we opened up it would have been crushing had we cheated; nowadays we might be ok if it was a one-off.

In previous relationships we were both miserable and I cheated but Lass did not and we don't know what was the more successful approach: we both split from our partners and ran off together (Lass wouldn't touch me until we had both ended our relationships).

We think in the end that if the person who is cheating takes great care to take nothing home with them then it can work but we are very, very careful who we meet anyway being nervous newbies.

Lass says the best moral guide is Jilly Cooper who shows how women can have fun. Maybe she is right.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

The swinging scene and the websites that cater for it have changed down the years.

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

Personally I think that is very sad, because swinging, by the accepted definition, involves consent. I've also seen first hand the hurt and damage done when one partner is cheating even if the other party isn't quite sure what's going on. "What they don't know doesn't hurt them" does not hold true from what I've seen.

But all that aside, everyone is free to choose who they play with, and most people who are playing away without "permission" do say so. That way you can make an informed choice about who you meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We meet married men we dnt meet couples . Our preference . We rather be told they are married but its not our relationship thats on the line if they lie to their wife x marie x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The swinging scene and the websites that cater for it have changed down the years.

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

But all that aside, everyone is free to choose who they play with, and most people who are playing away without "permission" do say so. That way you can make an informed choice about who you meet."

Good, sobering advice thank you. And openness IS the key to good sex and we hadn't thought it through beyond ourselves to the guy and his life. Hm.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Some people choose not to think about the personal circumstances of the guy/girl they are playing with. That's their choice, and their right to choose. No strings sex can be anything from "I don't want to know anything about you personally" to "I want to get to know you, but not attached".

There are pros and cons. Some people like the thrill of cheating, some simply don't care...while others don't like the cloak and dagger stuff, or the clock-watching.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us personally. Yes it is. If you are married or in a relationship whether you have their consent or not we won't meet them.

People lie and fake all the time so for all we know their partner is none the wiser.

The only way we'd meet someone who was married or attached is if they were bringing their other half with them to play as well

~Mia

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"For us personally. Yes it is. If you are married or in a relationship whether you have their consent or not we won't meet them.

People lie and fake all the time so for all we know their partner is none the wiser.

The only way we'd meet someone who was married or attached is if they were bringing their other half with them to play as well

~Mia"

Which is why my personal view is that it is a crying shame that the swinging scene has attracted so many people who are cheating.

Years ago, it was assumed that someone was telling the truth.

Now the default is to assume people are not telling the truth.

But the scene is what it is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm."

I'm not as old as you, but that seems highly unlikely. More likely it's moved from the office party, the work affair - with all the devastating consequences people revel in describing - to the forming of anonymous, separate connections online.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, there are plenty of successful married / attached men playing with / without permission on here.

Getting to know people 'socially' in the forums seems to help too.

Avoid those profiles that won't meet 'attatched' and concentrate on those who do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

People always cheated, but they weren't trying to be part of the swinging scene.

Sites of a similar nature to Fab, parties and clubs years ago were not filled with people trying to have "discreet" meets. At least not in London and the East. It was, at the very least, frowned upon.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For us personally. Yes it is. If you are married or in a relationship whether you have their consent or not we won't meet them.

People lie and fake all the time so for all we know their partner is none the wiser.

The only way we'd meet someone who was married or attached is if they were bringing their other half with them to play as well

~Mia

Which is why my personal view is that it is a crying shame that the swinging scene has attracted so many people who are cheating.

Years ago, it was assumed that someone was telling the truth.

Now the default is to assume people are not telling the truth.

But the scene is what it is. "

That's true it is a shame but not much you can do about it I'm afraid.

Even if somehow they did prove they were telling the truth we still wouldn't want to meet them to be honest.

Meeting attached people (unless they are couples) isn't really our thing

~Mia

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

People always cheated, but they weren't trying to be part of the swinging scene.

Would you not say swinging has also changed during that time and is now more inclusive of singles for those elusive MMF's for example? Maybe that's why the cheaters are infiltrating the scene......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

People always cheated, but they weren't trying to be part of the swinging scene.

I don't think many cheaters are trying to be part of the swing scene. Just using a site that's available to all and doing their own thing. However "frowned upon" they may be.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

People always cheated, but they weren't trying to be part of the swinging scene.

Would you not say swinging has also changed during that time and is now more inclusive of singles for those elusive MMF's for example? Maybe that's why the cheaters are infiltrating the scene......"

*MFF's even.

My autocorrect is against me today!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

People always cheated, but they weren't trying to be part of the swinging scene.

Would you not say swinging has also changed during that time and is now more inclusive of singles for those elusive MMF's for example? Maybe that's why the cheaters are infiltrating the scene......"

I'd say the fact the swinging scene has moved away from being a lifestyle among a small group of people would be a big factor.

The men I've met who were the most keen on discretion, not displaying photos, would never go to a club or party, were those genuinely playing with permission (I know it was permission because their wives were there too) - they didn't need to hide because of their relationship status, they just wanted privacy and discretion and not to be part of a swinging lifestyle that splashed its business all over the front page.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

In our time on the scene, singles have always been welcome unless an event is specifically "couples only". Single guys have always been limited, purely because an event/club will be swamped by guys otherwise.

I wouldn't use the word "infiltrate" but the scene has certainly changed. In my view not for the better...but it is what it is.

To get back to the original topic, there are many reasons why people choose not to meet married people. It's a crying shame if the reason is because they assume the married person doesn't have permission. But there are often other reasons/preferences at play.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I personally don't meet married men. I was that idiot sat at home while my ex played away. In my opinion some people stay together when it's over because they are scared of being alone. Also, sex is often the glue in a relationship, once you stop sex and that closeness what have you got ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are lots of married people playing on here, both with or without consent. I'm on here and it's what keeps my marriage successful and happy.

There are plenty of open minded women and couples who are happy to meet married people, keep perservering and you will find.

You could also attend a club to get to know people, and remember it's up to you how much information about your personal life that you wish to divulge.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally don't meet married men. I was that idiot sat at home while my ex played away. In my opinion some people stay together when it's over because they are scared of being alone. Also, sex is often the glue in a relationship, once you stop sex and that closeness what have you got ?"

There's more to marriage than sex

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In our time on the scene, singles have always been welcome unless an event is specifically "couples only". Single guys have always been limited, purely because an event/club will be swamped by guys otherwise.

I wouldn't use the word "infiltrate" but the scene has certainly changed. In my view not for the better...but it is what it is.

Okay maybe infiltrate isn't the best word but it's along the same lines.

Gradually over the years the scene has moved on, singles are very much part of it.

On the flip side there are people who aren't part of the scene and stumble across site like these as they come under NSA sex in search engines.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Who says that the married people on here playing with consent aren't having regular sex with their wife/husband?

This is what I mean about changes in the scene down the years. It used to be assumed that a couple who played away, also enjoyed a good sex life with each other.

Now the assumption - often sadly based on experience - is different when you come across a married/attached person with a profile on Fab, or at a club.

I am sorry you had a bad experience and were "the idiot" who stayed at home while he strayed. But it's really not like that for many, many couples on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

People always cheated, but they weren't trying to be part of the swinging scene.

I don't think many cheaters are trying to be part of the swing scene. Just using a site that's available to all and doing their own thing. However "frowned upon" they may be. "

I'm a "cheater" (if I must label myself) and I'm definitely into swinging. I attend clubs and meet couples, if I wanted to simply cheat with a man I'd pick one up on a night out. I don't think you can make such a sweeping generalisation statement that cheaters aren't part of the swinging scene . At the end of the day, everyone has a right to use this site as they wish.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

There's more to marriage than sex"

Yes there is, but what's left is like being a platonic friend. I don't believe that all the married guys are honest with their spouse and if they were, some would not be married anymore.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's more to marriage than sex

Yes there is, but what's left is like being a platonic friend. I don't believe that all the married guys are honest with their spouse and if they were, some would not be married anymore."

But cheating can actually keep a marriage together.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

There's more to marriage than sex

Yes there is, but what's left is like being a platonic friend. I don't believe that all the married guys are honest with their spouse and if they were, some would not be married anymore.

But cheating can actually keep a marriage together."

For some maybe...personally I felt totally betrayed as no communication had taken place and I actually wanted fun sex, sadly in the end not with a lying bastard. I am super happy now, but don't do married men.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arried West End CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

If we have met and we all get on. I let my wife go and play on her own. She absolutely loves how much freedom I give her

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's more to marriage than sex

Yes there is, but what's left is like being a platonic friend. I don't believe that all the married guys are honest with their spouse and if they were, some would not be married anymore.

But cheating can actually keep a marriage together.

That's great you're happy. I am too. Communication doesn't always solve problems, believe me, I've tried for years.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

People always cheated, but they weren't trying to be part of the swinging scene.

I don't think many cheaters are trying to be part of the swing scene. Just using a site that's available to all and doing their own thing. However "frowned upon" they may be.

Absolutely agree. But my experience is that you are probably unusual so I don't think mine was a sweeping generalisation that's incorrect. I'm also a "cheater", going off the usual assumptions made. I have no desire whatsoever to be part of the swinging scene. But I wouldn't just pick up a man on a night out because that would be reckless and indiscreet. The site is here for me to use to meet people as I see fit, even if I'm not a "proper" swinger. I'm not contaminating it for all the "proper" swingers, they can just avoid me and carry on going to clubs and whatever they want to do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

People always cheated, but they weren't trying to be part of the swinging scene.

I don't think many cheaters are trying to be part of the swing scene. Just using a site that's available to all and doing their own thing. However "frowned upon" they may be.

Wel said Ruby. Too many people on here think that their way of swinging is the only way, and everyone else is wrong. So many people are here for different reasons, like you say, if they don't like us they can move on to the next .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have been around the scene on and off for 13 years, some have been around much longer. But in those 13 years we've seen cheating change from something quite rare to perhaps the norm.

People always cheated, but they weren't trying to be part of the swinging scene.

I don't think many cheaters are trying to be part of the swing scene. Just using a site that's available to all and doing their own thing. However "frowned upon" they may be.

Nice for us to hear that - the weight of opinion on here seems to be that cheaters are unwelcome. I think you are right that marriage is more than sex and that relationships are often held together by discrete releases on the side (the French see it as normal).

We have found married guys a touch more stable and our game is to build relationships and sexual repertoire with guys so that is important to us.

And are human still really monogamous? Is it good for us? A nurse who coordinates transplants of kidneys from living donors told us that, when they tested to make sure people really are related, that as many as 1 in 10 find out they don't share a father which is what got us really thinking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no issue meeting a married man/attached man who has permission from his partner. However, i'd always want to check with the partner first and it's amazing how many men suddenly change their story when it comes to the crunch!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *FFB69Woman
over a year ago

Torfaen/Gwent

If people have "no attached" respect, probably a word you're unfamiliar with, their preferences and move on!

No one should question your reasons for being here, but it works both ways: no one has to justify who they meet!

Personally I wouldn't touch with someone else's anyone who was disrespectful in anyway shape or form to their unsuspecting partner...but that's just me!"

A little harsh. Assuming he doesn't know what respect is because his views are different to your own? He's asking about men who meet with their partners permission, so how is he being "disrespectful" to his partner if she's aware?

I'd say maybe you need to learn what respect is and perhaps read the question before giving such a bitchy answer.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not always about being disrespectful. Circumstances that lead people to cheating are very rarely black and white.

Some people don't have the wisdom to understand.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We experimented with an open relationship. It was fun but hard work, meh.

Rather than having our cake and eating it, it alienated a lot of potential meets, some couples found it abhorrent and not proper swinging - some singles were confused by it and found it too complicated and just moved on.

It's something we'd do again but we learned a lot of hard lessons.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If we have met and we all get on. I let my wife go and play on her own. She absolutely loves how much freedom I give her"

Would your life together be any different if you didnt give her freedom, would you still be together for example?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the main trouble is how do we really know you have your partners consent?"

Thing is if they are truly able to meet as a single there shouldn't be a problem in asking their partner about them ?

It gets me that some people aren't willing to meet a married guy or woman with permission than a slightly dodgy single profile.

Afterall most of the more seasoned swingers can look at a profile and within seconds decide probably genuine single / single but possibly has a partner in the background or just split up / cheating behind their OH backs just down to the wording or the pics and verifs on the profile.

We used to meet a guy from cornwall who's wife after giving birth just wasn't interested in any sort of sex but knew her husband still had the urge so between them he joined a site like this told people he was married etc with little or no luck until he contacted us we gave him the benefit of doubt and got him here for a daytime meet , had a chat for a while got to know a little about him then he said "is it ok I ring my wife to let her know im here safe and sound"? Abit shocked at first we said that's fine with us ..... he rang his wife got talking etc until I heard him say hold on a sec ill ask them (meaning us) he said is it ok you talk with my wife to reassure her that its ok with the meet !! I got the phone handed to me and 40 minutes yapping with his wife later knew the situation and said its fine with us.

Her main concern was that there were 2 choices open to him to go down either find someone they were both happy with and he would meet from time to time or possibly he would have an affair that she knew nothing about and wreck their marriage.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The idea of ringing some stranger to ask if their partner is allowed out to play is totally bizarre to me. You either trust that the person you're meeting is an adult and has told you what you need to know, or you don't - in which case why would you meet them?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the main trouble is how do we really know you have your partners consent?

Thing is if they are truly able to meet as a single there shouldn't be a problem in asking their partner about them ?

It gets me that some people aren't willing to meet a married guy or woman with permission than a slightly dodgy single profile.

Why would him having an affair wreck their marriage? Everyone assumes this to be the case. One person having an affair can actually save a marriage.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the main trouble is how do we really know you have your partners consent?

Thing is if they are truly able to meet as a single there shouldn't be a problem in asking their partner about them ?

It gets me that some people aren't willing to meet a married guy or woman with permission than a slightly dodgy single profile.

Why would him having an affair wreck their marriage? Everyone assumes this to be the case. One person having an affair can actually save a marriage."

Completely agree. Marriage is about more than just sex.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the main trouble is how do we really know you have your partners consent?

Thing is if they are truly able to meet as a single there shouldn't be a problem in asking their partner about them ?

It gets me that some people aren't willing to meet a married guy or woman with permission than a slightly dodgy single profile.

Why would him having an affair wreck their marriage? Everyone assumes this to be the case. One person having an affair can actually save a marriage.

Completely agree. Marriage is about more than just sex."

It is, but sex is a basic human need. If it's not there in a marriage for whatever reason, and one or both persons aren't happy about in, then steps need to be taken. And there is only yourself who can truly control your own happiness.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the main trouble is how do we really know you have your partners consent?

Thing is if they are truly able to meet as a single there shouldn't be a problem in asking their partner about them ?

It gets me that some people aren't willing to meet a married guy or woman with permission than a slightly dodgy single profile.

Why would him having an affair wreck their marriage? Everyone assumes this to be the case. One person having an affair can actually save a marriage.

Completely agree. Marriage is about more than just sex.

Once again I am forced to agree. It has taken Lass and I years to get to this point-of-view though because it is so complex. We get loads as a couple but found that we both fancied trying other people, some of them at the same time.

I wouldn't walk out of a marriage solely because somebody cheated on me. If the cheating was accompanied by abuse or other misery then I might but if it was only cheating I would want to know why. Then I would have to think about what I'd want to do about.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a "cheater" (if I must label myself) and I'm definitely into swinging. I attend clubs and meet couples, if I wanted to simply cheat with a man I'd pick one up on a night out. I don't think you can make such a sweeping generalisation statement that cheaters aren't part of the swinging scene . At the end of the day, everyone has a right to use this site as they wish."

But that's the thing on here and other sites ..... Its perfectly ok for a woman to be a cheat and be able to tell everyone that fact and she would still be messaged numerous times on a daily basis and be offered private or club meets with no questions asked.

But try a similar thing (either with or without knowledge from a partner) as a male and people make their mind up right away "you are a cheat" and wont give someone the benefit of doubt.

And yes loads of people are for some reason looking for another woman in a meet because most guys dreams are to be part of a FMF scenario yet it seems to me that there are a lot more people who like MFM meets where the woman is the centre of attention from 2 men.

Personally I wouldn't meet a cheat no matter what they looked like or how many verifications they had saying they were the best BJ ever lol

People may have their own set rules where they wont meet married men but ask yourselves this .......Is the single guy you've arranged to meet really single !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But try a similar thing (either with or without knowledge from a partner) as a male and people make their mind up right away "you are a cheat" and wont give someone the benefit of doubt.

Personally I wouldn't meet a cheat no matter what they looked like or how many verifications they had saying they were the best BJ ever lol

People may have their own set rules where they wont meet married men but ask yourselves this .......Is the single guy you've arranged to meet really single ! "

And is that single woman really single ?!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The idea of ringing some stranger to ask if their partner is allowed out to play is totally bizarre to me. You either trust that the person you're meeting is an adult and has told you what you need to know, or you don't - in which case why would you meet them?

Since I only meet people into kink they usually have a profile on that fetish site. It's not weird or unusual to send a quick message to someone's listed partner on there and just say hello and introduce yourself.

It's a shame this site doesn't have something similar. It would allow single profiles to mark out a number of people they're involved with on some way, without playing as a couple.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

My wife is 100% happy to talk to ladies or couples who want to ensure she really is fine with me "going out to play".

That could be via fab, email, skype, phone or a face to face meeting if it's convenient.

I don't see what is bizarre about it at all.

Likewise I'm happy to reassure guys that I my wife has my every blessing to play with them if she chooses. Oddly enough, very few guys seem to care.

That said, I've ended up meeting most of her lovers and she most of mine.

What is so bad about being genuinely open about these things?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My wife is 100% happy to talk to ladies or couples who want to ensure she really is fine with me "going out to play".

That could be via fab, email, skype, phone or a face to face meeting if it's convenient.

I don't see what is bizarre about it at all.

Likewise I'm happy to reassure guys that I my wife has my every blessing to play with them if she chooses. Oddly enough, very few guys seem to care.

That said, I've ended up meeting most of her lovers and she most of mine.

What is so bad about being genuinely open about these things?"

Because I don't like the concept of asking for "permission" from someone else. That's how you play and that's fine, but if I'm meeting a man who tells me he is "allowed" to meet others I just take that at face value. I don't think as many people lie about their relationship status as is made out.

And of course there are also many who exist in that grey area between "real swingers" and "married cheating scum" where their partner is not part of the scene and does not want to be involved, but is content with what their partner is doing.

If I'm not happy with what someone's told me, I don't meet them. I'm not going to ring some other woman who will play no part in our meet to convince me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

personally not bothered as most times you wont know truth anyway - but have seen this on profiles and it says other half is happy to confirm on phone /meet - sometimes there is good reason for one half not to play so whatever really

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread