FabSwingers.com forum: Don't feel like sex satisfies me...

By *emaleinthedark OP Woman
over a year ago

London

I don't know what's up with me.

When I masturbate and I'm feeling horny, I imagine having the great sex of my life and I'm on cloud nine. So when I've came, I start feeling guilty, reality hits me and I think to myself "oh is that it?", and then I start to wonder if I'm even interested in sex.

Then I get thinking, is sex enough ? I want more to my life than having sex here and there (not to discredit anyone). I just feel empty.

I can't understand this feeling. Maybe I'm asexual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When was the last time you had sex? Could be down to that?

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By *emaleinthedark OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"When was the last time you had sex? Could be down to that?"

Like 8 months ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When was the last time you had sex? Could be down to that?

Like 8 months ago

That could be it

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By *emaleinthedark OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"When was the last time you had sex? Could be down to that?

Like 8 months ago

That could be it

I don't think so. Though my ex was sexually abusive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When was the last time you had sex? Could be down to that?

Like 8 months ago

That could be it

I don't think so. Though my ex was sexually abusive."

Oh! Sorry to hear that, no one should go through that. Maybe your past experiences have some effect on your present?

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

"When was the last time you had sex? Could be down to that?

Like 8 months ago

That could be it

I don't think so. Though my ex was sexually abusive."

Maybe that is whats putting you off?

Maybe try it with someone who isn't abusive and see how it goes?

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By *emaleinthedark OP Woman
over a year ago

London

I think it's the reason why I'm too scared to have NSA sex with men. I need to overcome this.

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

"When was the last time you had sex? Could be down to that?

Like 8 months ago

That could be it

I don't think so. Though my ex was sexually abusive."

Sorry, actually really sorry to hear that....seduction starts in the mind and post sex, can be even more important in the mind....have faith, be true to yourself and your needs and things will change...

Take Care OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's the reason why I'm too scared to have NSA sex with men. I need to overcome this."

It will probably be easier said than done, but nothing is impossible

just make sure everyone involved knows where your comfort zone lies

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By *emaleinthedark OP Woman
over a year ago

London

So you guys don't think I'm asexual ?

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By *anillaguyMan
over a year ago

Kingston

"So you guys don't think I'm asexual ?"

Couldn't comment on that, but what you describe is something very similar to experiences I have had

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i don't think you're asexual but you're probably traumatised and NSA sex isn't exactly a good way to re-establish trust until you find a few good people who start restoring that.

i'd say offer socials only, no pressure to meet for sex then and if the guys you pick to meet are non-pushy and help you feel safe this could help (it has for me).

also offer only soft play meets might help as well and loads of guys seem to be up for just playing and no sex. i enjoy this type of meet myself and am morelikely to enjoy everything sexual that went on as i like foreplay and oral.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really sorry to hear about ur experience op and no u are not asexual otherwise u Wld have fantasies. Think of the fantasies uve had, Wat do they involve? And maybe look to fulfill ur desires rather than be a part of someone else's.

Although I Wld say a meet on fab isn't the place to establish trust back look to go on several socials with people u can develop a familiarity with and can talk in length of exactly Wat u want. Once u feel comfortable and safe and only then go for a play.

I Wld suggest u take a break off fab and look to heal within urself first though. Gdluck x

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By *inkyChrissy99TV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

Thats common when I masturbate and orgasm tbh.

Never the same emotions when with someone else for me.

That's why i'm on here

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By *abes in the woodWoman
over a year ago

wales

Simular experience to what I had too but you will get their be true to yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know what's up with me.

Then I get thinking, is sex enough ? I want more to my life than having sex here and there (not to discredit anyone). I just feel empty.

I can't understand this feeling. Maybe I'm asexual."

I think sex and masturbation are very different - I fully understand how you feel after playing .. works at the time but leaves you feeling empty and doubting yourself

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By *reakShow90Man
over a year ago

Manchester/halifax

From what I can see your ex has put you in a bad head space when it comes to sex and so maybe in your head every thing to do with sex brings back him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When was the last time you had sex? Could be down to that?

Like 8 months ago

That could be it

I don't think so. Though my ex was sexually abusive.

Take Care OP"

What he said. ^^^^^^^

Don't over think it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly OP, it sounds as if you are lonely. NSA sex isn't for everyone, and it's not something you have to make yourself do because "everyone else is".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abuse in any form is hard to overcome.. sexual abuse be it denial.. humiliation or any other way.. it can like all other abuse take deep root in your mind...

However in my experience it is one of the hardest to overcome due to our normally very British stance of not talking about sex...

Op take your time... and dont jump in... if you haven't had therapy for your ex maybe consider it an option...

But it can with time and understanding and you forgiving yourself and not allowing yourself ultimately to feel guilty for wanting pleasure from sex... sexual abuse victims often end up with a lot of self blame and it is often that which causes the guilt.

Good luck..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's also possible you're depressed IMHO.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember some of your previous posts about your concerns. From what you write, it sounds to me like you don't actually want to do this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The man that I've truly connected with in mind and body is no longer around....and when I masterbate and make myself orgasm I become so emotional. I've experienced this in the past when I haven't had physical closeness. We all need that special touch in our lives.

I've enjoyed reading the supportive comments for OP. Look after yourself darling x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going for a professional massage can do wonders for one and can be therapeutic in the interim.

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By *emaleinthedark OP Woman
over a year ago

London

To be honest guys I've only had one NSA experience

. I actually enjoyed it and didn't feel guilty, or attached (as I thought I would of done). But I know what it is, I don't feel like NSA sex satisfies me on its own or it isn't enough.

Am I feeling guilty because I was brought up by my dad who is super religious, including the sexual abuse I got from my ex as that's the reason why I'm not ready to have sex with men who I'm not in a relationship with.

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By *ifferent69Man
over a year ago

BRIGHTON, UK

"I think it's the reason why I'm too scared to have NSA sex with men. I need to overcome this."
it is a dilemma ,harder for female than a fella. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. Remember also your imagination can be a cruel tool creating scenarios that are far removed to the reality of sex.We are all on a learning curve, with mix of good and bad experiences..expectations can be to high..

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By *umbriaman1962Man
over a year ago

outside of penrith

maybe its the difference between having sex and making love,to make love you to trust someone 100% something nsa never will be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know what's up with me.

Then I get thinking, is sex enough ? I want more to my life than having sex here and there (not to discredit anyone). I just feel empty.

I can't understand this feeling. Maybe I'm asexual."

I dont believe your asexual sounds like you been through a bad time and we tend to rely on our last experiences theres plenty of respectful men out there its just about taking your time being comfortable within yourself and im sure time will be the healer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do you feel you need to "overcome" not wanting to have NSA sex? It's not a flaw.

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By *emaleinthedark OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"Why do you feel you need to "overcome" not wanting to have NSA sex? It's not a flaw."

I guess it's stopping me from experiencing things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's also possible you're depressed IMHO."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do you feel you need to "overcome" not wanting to have NSA sex? It's not a flaw.

I guess it's stopping me from experiencing things."

Not all experiences are positive, you need to be in a healthy frame of mind for NSA sex, it doesn't sound as if you are.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

NSA sex is just that - it's a way to get your kicks without the ties of a relationship. It means you don't have to answer calls of what you're doing or where you are going. It means you can sleep with who you want, how you want. Fab give you the flexibility of looking at profiles and seeing what is what in terms of likes, needs and tastes (sometimes experiences with veris). If you want a relationship go to the pub or get a date set up. If you want to explore what your body is about swinging/swapping/nsa is a good freedom to have until you decide otherwise.

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By *inaryGuyMan
over a year ago

Near the River

I agree with Casey Lee, Nsa sex doesn't sound like the answer, maybe a bit of time away from Fab (sorry guys) and some counselling might help....

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By *ostafunMan
over a year ago

near ipswich

you should talk to your doctor it sounds to me you have been through a bad time they could put you in touch with someone who can help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

8 months? Sweet baby Jesus, i couldnt last 8 days

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By *maz.Man
over a year ago

Southampton / iford

I think you need to trust someone enough to tell them how you feel , perhaps a close friend or family member! Sometimes quick sex isn't the answer we're looking for , good luck

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