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FWB dilemma..

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By *otrocklover OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I've this friend who I see every couple of months or so. Though we live in different parts of the country, we do have lots in common and enjoy sex when together. As we're both single, she's keen to get together more next year. Socially and physically. She's interesting and we get along so everything on paper seems pretty cool right?

Problem is she's VERY vanilla. Like I mean no fantasies, toys nor inclinations towards anything that deviates from her understanding of what's 'normal'. I've tried to gently introduce her to the idea of exploring her sexuality with me beyond that of her current penchant for missionary but alas, she's not very receptive ("what do I want to do that for?!") The sex we have when we do meet is satisfying for sure, there and then..It's just a tad..predictable..and I couldn't move forward with something more regularly as it stands.

So the dilemma here is:

Do I just introduce her to *fab* and see if she bolts? Or tell her that if she's wanting something more regular, we need a frank discussion about what we both want from a sexual relationship..and let her decide if she's comfortable moving forwards with that? Or do I simply end our long-distance arrangement and, next time, connect with someone who's on a similar page to me re a wider-sexual compatibility?

Incidentally she's not wholly inexperienced sexually. At 50 and twice divorced, she hasn't spent her entire life in a nunnery. She just isn't interested in experimenting sexually. I guess when we first met I maybe thought her cougar purr was ready to pounce..

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Introduce her to fab .... what have you got to lose ....

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By *otrocklover OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle


"Introduce her to fab .... what have you got to lose .... "

Like the whole ripping a plaster off quickly to avoid prolonging the pain? Ha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've this friend who I see every couple of months or so. Though we live in different parts of the country, we do have lots in common and enjoy sex when together. As we're both single, she's keen to get together more next year. Socially and physically. She's interesting and we get along so everything on paper seems pretty cool right?

Problem is she's VERY vanilla. Like I mean no fantasies, toys nor inclinations towards anything that deviates from her understanding of what's 'normal'. I've tried to gently introduce her to the idea of exploring her sexuality with me beyond that of her current penchant for missionary but alas, she's not very receptive ("what do I want to do that for?!") The sex we have when we do meet is satisfying for sure, there and then..It's just a tad..predictable..and I couldn't move forward with something more regularly as it stands.

So the dilemma here is:

Do I just introduce her to *fab* and see if she bolts? Or tell her that if she's wanting something more regular, we need a frank discussion about what we both want from a sexual relationship..and let her decide if she's comfortable moving forwards with that? Or do I simply end our long-distance arrangement and, next time, connect with someone who's on a similar page to me re a wider-sexual compatibility?

Incidentally she's not wholly inexperienced sexually. At 50 and twice divorced, she hasn't spent her entire life in a nunnery. She just isn't interested in experimenting sexually. I guess when we first met I maybe thought her cougar purr was ready to pounce..

"

I couldn't cope with this and would just tell her what you need, as frankly and as honestly as possible.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

In my experience long distance never works as anything more than occasional fwb so as far as I see it you should tell her about your fab fun. Nothing to lose imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you seem to like her but i think if you had more time with her you would get bored sexually - so the chat with her goes soemthing along the lines of what you do with your time ie fab and is she interested - or keep things the way they are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh and try flipping her onto her knees sorry couldnt resist

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By *otrocklover OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle


"oh and try flipping her onto her knees sorry couldnt resist "

Haha love it. We do have sex in a few different 'positions' but it's all, bizarrely, just a little bit 1950's sometimes lol.

Reading the responses here (thanks all) it's sounding like we need to have a frank chat where I tell her that long-term, we're likely to be sexually incompatible.

"You say potato I say potata.."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say grab her by the pussy and let her know about here! As previously mentioned you've not really got much to lose!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you need to be honest with yourself....could you give up fabs and settle for a less exciting sex life?

if the answer is no then do waste her time or yours - talk to her about what turns you on, tell her all the good things about being with her and tell her there is a whole different range of sexual experiences and scenarios possible - don't rush her into agreeing to anything, see if she will go to a swingers club and watch, play with just you....m x

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By *otrocklover OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle


"you need to be honest with yourself....could you give up fabs and settle for a less exciting sex life?

if the answer is no then do waste her time or yours - talk to her about what turns you on, tell her all the good things about being with her and tell her there is a whole different range of sexual experiences and scenarios possible - don't rush her into agreeing to anything, see if she will go to a swingers club and watch, play with just you....m x"

Indeed you're right. It's only really become an issue as she's putting feelers out about spending more time together next year. Time is one thing none of us gets enough of, so better to not waste it on something that is looking like it isn't what either wants longer term.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The relationship won't last in the long term if you are both wanting different things already, unless you would be prepared to cheat on her.

I would just come out and tell her about Fab and the lifestyle you enjoy.

Let her decide from there whether she wants to explore or say goodbye x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Have the frank discussion, I'm not sure why you'd do anything else with someone you like and respect.

If she's looking for more she's developed feelings for you, are they reciprocated?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've tried to gently introduce her to the idea of exploring her sexuality with me beyond that of her current penchant for missionary but alas, she's not very receptive ("what do I want to do that for?!")"

Perhaps tee it up by analogy to "you could eat cereal and milk three times a day and be satisfied but then will have never know the joys of going out for a slap up meal in a fancy restaurant being serviced by others"

Best of luck!

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By *otrocklover OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle


"The relationship won't last in the long term if you are both wanting different things already, unless you would be prepared to cheat on her "

No never. We're both single and so far, only see each other every couple of months. She says she wanted to up the frequency but I'm unsure owing to differences in our lifestyles when apart (hence my OP). Reading all these responses I think, on balance, I need to tell her more about this lifestyle than has been necessary in the past. She can then decide what she's comfortable with etc.

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By *otrocklover OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle


"Have the frank discussion, I'm not sure why you'd do anything else with someone you like and respect.

If she's looking for more she's developed feelings for you, are they reciprocated?"

Discussions are afoot

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Have the frank discussion, I'm not sure why you'd do anything else with someone you like and respect.

If she's looking for more she's developed feelings for you, are they reciprocated?

Discussions are afoot "

Best of luck. Hope the outcome is what's best for both of you

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

She could be putting out feelers to see if you are interested in being more than just fwb. If that is the case she may want you to be exclusive. Could you be happy with a "vanilla" sex life exclusively?

I know i couldn't. I spent the first 23 years of my sex life purely vanilla and there is no way I'm going back to that

You need to sit down together and have an open and frank talk about it. Explain what really works for you and see if she would be open to experiment. If not it may be time to say goodbye.

Good luck OP x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be yourself darling ..... show her your world ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd just end it. Personally I wait to find people who share my mutual interests. The idea how having to talking someone into doing something I enjoy is too off-putting for me. I wouldn't want to spank someone unless she really enjoyed it for example.

By the sounds of it you are just going to end up in a situation where she is doing thing only because you want to do them - is that ever really satisfying? It wouldn't be for me.

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By *annooWoman
over a year ago

Hastings

definatly talk to her

at the end of the day you are satisfied but fab life does leave a longing for the odd diffsensation...honesty is best

just tell her about fab, tell her about your sexual desires and explain there are other things you like

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By *nfamyMan
over a year ago

Goole

Just sit her down and be Frank mate, I'll sit in a corner and be Bert.

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