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bdsm etiquette......

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Probably sounds like a joke, but here goes....I'm new to bdsm and I've started seeing someone who's quite into the scene and has been for ages. She's identified that she wants to be owned property. Within the parameters of the scene, I've no problem with that and more than happy to be her keeper. However, ......she's recently cut off communication with me, and im left wondering if she's just not interested or if she's looking for me to assert authority or ownership by taking her to task? Outwith bdsm, I'd be taking the hint and moving on but not being au fait with the scene and it's etiquette, am I leaving the poor woman as unsure as I am and not being dimly at all???? Told you it would sound like a joke! Anyway, pointers from those in the know would be appreciated.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Domly! although dimly does seem appropriate in the circumstances....

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

If she wants to be owned she can bloody well keep in touch!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Domly! although dimly does seem appropriate in the circumstances...."

It's about communication and if it's broken down this early I think you will struggle. If I were you I would contact her to discuss how both of you want this to move forward. Both of you need to be aware of each others boundaries and you can't achieve that without talking.

Good luck

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton


"If she wants to be owned she can bloody well keep in touch!

"

Yep.

I'd cut my losses. This kind of game playing is a bad sign if that's what it is. Communication is key in a D/s dynamic.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Probably sounds like a joke, but here goes....I'm new to bdsm and I've started seeing someone who's quite into the scene and has been for ages. She's identified that she wants to be owned property. Within the parameters of the scene, I've no problem with that and more than happy to be her keeper. However, ......she's recently cut off communication with me, and im left wondering if she's just not interested or if she's looking for me to assert authority or ownership by taking her to task? Outwith bdsm, I'd be taking the hint and moving on but not being au fait with the scene and it's etiquette, am I leaving the poor woman as unsure as I am and not being dimly at all???? Told you it would sound like a joke! Anyway, pointers from those in the know would be appreciated."

Hi there fella there's not enough information here for me to pass a judgement how many messages has she ignored of yours for starters..?did you tell her you don't chase and that she would have to prove to you that she was serious about wanting to be owned before you would even consider the prospect..?

How do you know she was genuine in what she said she wanted had you met her face to face for a social or was it all online chat .?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Probably sounds like a joke, but here goes....I'm new to bdsm and I've started seeing someone who's quite into the scene and has been for ages. She's identified that she wants to be owned property. Within the parameters of the scene, I've no problem with that and more than happy to be her keeper. However, ......she's recently cut off communication with me, and im left wondering if she's just not interested or if she's looking for me to assert authority or ownership by taking her to task? Outwith bdsm, I'd be taking the hint and moving on but not being au fait with the scene and it's etiquette, am I leaving the poor woman as unsure as I am and not being dimly at all???? Told you it would sound like a joke! Anyway, pointers from those in the know would be appreciated."

Sorry to be judgmental. If she has cut off communication then she is not interested. Accept it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks all. It is as I thought but needed clarity from those in the know.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We'd met 3 times - vanilla type dates but had spoken of needs/wishes etc, so no ambiguity that I was aware of. However, I didn't, as you suggest, say anything about me not chasing/her proving herself etc so this could be contextual, but I think u'll draw a line

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Probably sounds like a joke, but here goes....I'm new to bdsm and I've started seeing someone who's quite into the scene and has been for ages. She's identified that she wants to be owned property. Within the parameters of the scene, I've no problem with that and more than happy to be her keeper. However, ......she's recently cut off communication with me, and im left wondering if she's just not interested or if she's looking for me to assert authority or ownership by taking her to task? Outwith bdsm, I'd be taking the hint and moving on but not being au fait with the scene and it's etiquette, am I leaving the poor woman as unsure as I am and not being dimly at all???? Told you it would sound like a joke! Anyway, pointers from those in the know would be appreciated."
as a sub im going to ask you a few questions for you to ponder. no reply here necessary.

was this to be an online or real time relationship?

have you met socially?

have you got her definition of being owned?

if you have her definition, does it fit yours?

if you were communicating well, when did it cease to be like that?

do you know her sub 'type' is she normally compliant/ bratty etc etc

where did the conversation end?

you havent given enough information about the stage of the dynamic and what if anything has been discussed already, so noone can be certain of whats going on.

if you are new then spend the time exploring and shaping who you are as a Dom, you create the structure you can and are willing to maintain, whilst exploration and growth happens over time in anyone, you ned to have a firm foundation with which a sub can engage and feel that it is safe and consistent.

so even if this does or doesnt work out, you need to do this before getting involved with any other sub. i hope the pondering questions help create a better picture for you of your circumstances and can give you some idea as to what has happened x good luck on your journey and remember we all falter at times and were new once, if in doubt go back to basics..yourself x

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"We'd met 3 times - vanilla type dates but had spoken of needs/wishes etc, so no ambiguity that I was aware of. However, I didn't, as you suggest, say anything about me not chasing/her proving herself etc so this could be contextual, but I think u'll draw a line"

So you didn't engage her mind by testing her, leading her ,engaging her sub side at all ....? If the answers no I would say she has lost interest in you as her D fella .

Go quite on her if she returns be harder on her not in a nasty way but in a way that will engage her sub side excite her tease her toy with her sub side.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks Suzy, very helpful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Cheers John, will do

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Thanks Suzy, very helpful."
xx

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By *emplarWarriorMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Communication is key, once you lose that you be best to just knock it on the head.

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By *mo-amas-amatMan
over a year ago

brighton

There be some good people in the world.

Classy response.

X

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