FabSwingers.com forum: Party Etiquette?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

so, you've been invited to a party by some starngers on the strength (as they say) that some people off your verification list are going as well. We check the published list and there are even some people we know on the list that have not verified us, but we like them....... so we accept the invite.

We turn-up, all dressed-up for a party (Her in classy, sexy wear, Him in nice shirt etc) only to find that most of the people there are in old t'shirts and trainers. mm???

We are welcomed (well, sort of) with a Hi and we are "insert names here". Told us where the alcohol should be put. Money changed hands but that's for another thread, we were told beforehand.

The hosts then completely ignored us, spent time with the people they knew, and left us to mix with the one couple we knew.

ok, so we are trying our best but not feeling very comfortable so had to make a decision.......

Just say we are leaving or use an excuse??

We chose to use a fake excuse to try and save any embarrasessment and left. We felt we needed a chill-out afterwards so went to our favourite club where we had a very nice chill-out.

ok so far, but here is our point.........

the "hosts" found-out what we did and used their status to "slag" us off.

So, should we have just left and not worried about offending anyone? or...

should we have told the truth to these starngers and told them that their party sucked??

please note, we have not (and will not) name anyone involved and would not dream of doing so.

Were we wrong?

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

im afraid i would have done exactly the same thing and left.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"im afraid i would have done exactly the same thing and left. "

we forgot the best, they even stayed "friends" for 24 hrs to make sure we saw their comments.

needless to say, they deleted us today.

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Dont understand people like that. Shouldnt host parties in my humble opinion. Although would say that no, actually we would have made more effort to mingle. You shouldnt be treated badly for not feeling able to do that though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, you weren't wrong to leave. It can be difficult going to a venue when you don't know anyone, especially if you're new to the scene.

We went to a party a year or so ago, and like you, we made the effort to be smart, and there were people there who looked they'd come straight from work. I'm not a shrinking violet to be honest and I told the party host that I was disappointed with the standard of some of the other guests attire. I said it just loud enough for some of the others to hear me. Anyway, another couple came over to us and said that they were glad I piped up because they felt the same as we did.

We stayed and had a good time.

We had another invite to the next party and this time the host had put a dress code advisory on the invite, ie, come smart or stay away.

At the end of the day, people have different standards.

And on the point of the people slagging you off, just ignore them, some people just need an excuse to have a go.

Fuck 'em, I say

Although on second thoughts, I'll rephrase that... well, you know what I mean

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

i would have done exactly the same. i have one rule when ppl ask for advice,what would you have done in a vanilla situation?

It was a crap party,making your excuses and leaving is something we have all done,going to a club no different to going for a pint in a nice pub.

We go to parties for the chat and fun as much as the sex,and anyone who used their status to have a go would be instantly deleted.It is like those ppl who have rows via facebook,not a pretty sight.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Good lord! Did they lock the door when you got there? Did you have to ask permission to go to the loo? If the party was crap it is more than reasonable to leave - you don't even have to say why IMO, although using a nice excuse is better than just disappearing.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet there, both with the hosts, and that party crowd. Hope you had fun at the club.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i agree with all the above. it would have been a decent thing to do if you had explained to them what didn't take your fancy (being honest and all that), but after saying that, i wouldn't have wanted to upset anyone and i would have done exactly the same as you lol so many people on here state that dressing up to a certain standard is just a polite thing to do, but there are still many that don't put much effort into meets. it is a shame, but then again, it makes you appreciate the ones that do all the more

as for their comments, they probably just felt embarrassed and it was a natural defense reaction. life goes on

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Just to look at this from a slightly different point of view....

You are grown-ups I take it? You can go and talk to people under your own steam. You don't really need the host to hold you hand do you?

So because the host went to talk to their friends, you felt left out and rather than be honest you chose to make up a lie. How does that look to the hosts?

If you were hosting a party and a couple told you an emergency had cropped up, only to find they buggered off to a club.... how would you rate their honesty?

I am not saying they are right and you are wrong.

I am not saying they were right to slag you off.... but surely, if you stop and imagine it being the other way around for one moment... can you appreciate how it could have looked from their point of view?

Can you imagine the reaction if this post had had been:

We had a party the other night and invited a guy along. He arrived and we greeted him and left him to socialise with a few people. Apparently he wasn’t happy about us continuing a conversation with some of our friends. After a short while he told us he had to leave as his son was ill….. which was a load of bollox as he went straight to a swingers club.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thx for your opinions guys/gals.

we think of ourselves as decent and don't like to offend anyone which is why it was so difficult for us.

With hindsight (and their comments) we should have just walked out but that's not us. It is nice to think though (through your comments) that we are not alone in thinking that one should make an effort at any type of meet.

Maybe we are not so strange after all.

cheers all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds as if the organisers thought of you as fresh meat.

Once they had your dosh and your bevvy they lost interest until it came time to try to shag you - by which point you'd left.

Lucky escape for you I'd say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get the comments about dress? Surely people should wear what they are comfortable with unless a dress code has been stated? I've never been to a private party but I've been to plenty of socials and munches and tend to wear what I always wear - jeans, tees and dms or cons. I don't like the implication by the op and others that I don;t belong at a social event with no pre-declared dresscode because I don;t meet their standards?

Being devils advocate, maybe the people there thought you were over dressed? Maybe rather than shy and nervous they thought you were aloof for not mingling? Maybe they thought you were happy chatting to the couple you knew and didn;t want to interupt?

A shit night is always annoying and of course if it wasn't your thing then you should have left, but I think the host whilst wrong to publically slate you on their profile are not wrong to feel aggrieved that you lied to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't get the comments about dress? Surely people should wear what they are comfortable with unless a dress code has been stated? I've never been to a private party but I've been to plenty of socials and munches and tend to wear what I always wear - jeans, tees and dms or cons. I don't like the implication by the op and others that I don;t belong at a social event with no pre-declared dresscode because I don;t meet their standards?

i think there is nothing better than a man in jeans....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i again agree with what is said here, but regarding the attire, it was stated that they were dressed in old t-shirts. everyone has a different perspective on things but mine tells me that it isn't something you'd wear out to meet (possibly) people you'd never met before! surely a little effort isn't a demanding aspect of meets. if i was to see possible sexual partners wearing old joggers, ripped t-shirt etc, it wouldn't make me think that they'd bother putting effort into anything else. that may be a shallow thought, but i can see where the op is coming from. likewise, i can see your point from the other view. each to their own i say.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

it was advertised as fancy dress but as we asked at last minute, we were told that "tarts" for women but the guys would be in normal dress. "Normal" to us means smart, not scruffy jeans, trainers and un-shaved!!!

but like you say, each to their own but we feel that hosts should make an effort. All the other parties we have been to were hosted by "proper" hosts.

no offence taken by your comments, it's a free world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hi, we think you were right, we got invited to a party a while ago, the host looked nothing like his photos he had sent us and answered the door in jeans and slippers lol, we never made it over the threshold we turn around got in our car and drove home,

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

"so, you've been invited to a party by some starngers on the strength (as they say) that some people off your verification list are going as well. We check the published list and there are even some people we know on the list that have not verified us, but we like them....... so we accept the invite.

We turn-up, all dressed-up for a party (Her in classy, sexy wear, Him in nice shirt etc) only to

find that most of the people there are in old t'shirts and trainers. mm???

We are welcomed (well, sort of) with a Hi and we

are "insert names here". Told us where the

alcohol should be put. Money changed hands but

that's for another thread, we were told

beforehand.

The hosts then completely ignored us, spent time with the people they knew, and left us to mix with the one couple we kne

ok, so we are trying our best but not feeling very comfortable so had to make a decision......

Just say we are leaving or use an excuse?

We chose to use a fake excuse to try and save

any embarrasessment and left. We felt we needed a chill-out afterwards so went to our favourite club where we had a very nice chill-out.

ok so far, but here is our point.........

the "hosts" found-out what we did and used their status to "slag" us o

So, should we have just left and not worried about offending anyone? or.

should we have told the truth to these starngers and told them that their party sucked??

please note, we have not (and will not) name anyone involved and would not dream of doing so.

Were we wrong? "

Ok lots of views and while I agree that using status to slag people is in very poor taste and as someone else has said what would your reaction be to find you had been lied too? I don't mean you would slag them off but i think you would have beef displeased if only a little...I suppose you were a little embarrassed to be caught out by the lie and that these peeps were not in your

shall we say regular party people...I'm referring to your issue over their dress sense.

And of course you PAID to be there too... When you go to the club you attend do you mix with everyone or just your usual friends? Perhaps they thought you mature enough to mingle..after all you did know at least one couple...

I can appreciate that you thought telling a little White lie was the best thing to do but just goes to show how they can back fire and I only say this because so many seem to value honesty as sacrosanct when meeting for fun.

We all live and learn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We really should be able to please ourselves without having to make excuses.

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Agree. I always dress to please for socials, parties or playdates and expect guys to look hot if they want to get anywhere with us. Although I must admit some guys make a cute tshirt and jeans look damn hot

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"Thx for your opinions guys/gals.

we think of ourselves as decent and don't like to offend anyone which is why it was so difficult for us.

Maybe we are not so strange after all.

cheers all.

It beats us as to why people who can't take rejection are in to swinging as it is inevitable that it will happen at some stage. There are so many flavours to swinging - likes / dislikes, fantasties, preferences etc etc that there are bound to be a few 'no's' or 'not for us' along the way. If we all liked the same things swinging would probably get boring, so for the party hosts to expect their party to be for everyone's taste is probably unrealistic. This is a common issue in other posts too: eg 'After emailing, we swapped pics and heard nothing else'. 'We met but they suddenly didn't want to play' 'We went to a club and someone / a couple that we had met before went and played with others but not with us' etc etc

When we messgae others and send / request a photo, we make it clear that we appreciate honesty and won't be offended if we are not for them and trust that they won't be offended either. If people see other people's tastes as rejection and are offended, they shouldn't be swinging! The important thing to us is politeness and to respect others, which you have done as you did not want to offend and have not slagged them off. Good for you, keep smiling and look for chilled, relaxed people!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We turn-up, all dressed-up for a party (Her in classy, sexy wear, Him in nice shirt etc) only to find that most of the people there are in old t'shirts and trainers. mm???

We are welcomed (well, sort of) with a Hi and we are "insert names here". Told us where the alcohol should be put. Money changed hands but that's for another thread, we were told beforehand.

The hosts then completely ignored us, spent time with the people they knew, and left us to mix with the one couple we knew.

ok, so we are trying our best but not feeling very comfortable so had to make a decision.......

Just say we are leaving or use an excuse??

We chose to use a fake excuse to try and save any embarrasessment and left. We felt we needed a chill-out afterwards so went to our favourite club where we had a very nice chill-out.

ok so far, but here is our point.........

the "hosts" found-out what we did and used their status to "slag" us off.

So, should we have just left and not worried about offending anyone? or...

should we have told the truth to these starngers and told them that their party sucked??

please note, we have not (and will not) name anyone involved and would not dream of doing so.

Were we wrong? "

no you wasnt wrong i would have done the same thing

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