FabSwingers.com forum: If men wrote their profiles....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

.....like the women on here these days, it would go something like this (feel free to add to it):

Looking for super fit women with flat stomachs only, no fat birds, no droopy tits, no saggy arses. You must go to the gym all the time, have perfectly sculpted arse cheeks, nipples must not be too big, or too small, and you must wax or shave your vagina hair daily.

I want you to shower twice a day, only wear (insert colour) underwear, never wear flat shoes, only excruciatingly painful high heels at all times, and extremely short skirts, and low cut tops that show off your perfect breasts.

You must have exactly the right colour hair (of the mans choosing), and it should not be too long or too short. Makeup must be worn at all times, but not too much, or too little.

If you have labia longer than an inch, I will not reply to any of your messages. Also, do not send me vag-pics as this will incur an instant delete/block from me, regardless of how interesting your vagina may look.

I have to insist on you giving me blow-jobs whenever I demand them, and you must suck like a Dyson or an experienced pornstar. If you do not, then I do not want to hear from you either. No exceptions.

You must be between 5'6 and 5'11 without heels - if you are not, I will not respond.

Happy fabbing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some of us do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha ha like it mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol good one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have seen many a profile like that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

Haha yes so true. I'd rather they wrote what they are really looking for than not. Saves everybody's time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

PMSL

I personally like my profile and wouldn't change it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hahaha!

Not ALL profiles are like that!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I've seen a few profiles like that OP. Although they normally specify dress preferences and what cup sizes they like. Good effort!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A lot of men can't write much on their profiles, ladies, since all their brains are lacking the blood & oxygen required for thought function, as its all been redirected to their enormous penises. Duh!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of men can't write much on their profiles, ladies, since all their brains are lacking the blood & oxygen required for thought function, as its all been redirected to their enormous penises. Duh! "

Haha think there is some truth to that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

Haha yes so true. I'd rather they wrote what they are really looking for than not. Saves everybody's time

Exactly !

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

".....like the women on here these days, it would go something like this (feel free to add to it):

You must have exactly the right colour hair (of the mans choosing), and it should not be too long or too short. Makeup must be worn at all times, but not too much, or too little.

You must be between 5'6 and 5'11 without heels - if you are not, I will not respond.

Happy fabbing.

"
id ask if you were a good dom and what the discipline may be if i didnt come up to your standards

and ask why it wasnt on your profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love this!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

id ask if you were a good dom and what the discipline may be if i didnt come up to your standards

and ask why it wasnt on your profile

Dom. With a capital D, Miss. That's strike one... So to speak

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it lol

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

id ask if you were a good dom and what the discipline may be if i didnt come up to your standards

and ask why it wasnt on your profile

Dom. With a capital D, Miss. That's strike one... So to speak "
yes but im a naughty one and you aint my dom so it stays little :P

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By *emplarWarriorMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

I think there should be at least 2-3 lines in BLOCK CAPITALS ranting

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think there should be at least 2-3 lines in BLOCK CAPITALS ranting

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!!

(and too many exclamation marks)

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By *ollyGWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

[Removed by poster at 01/11/16 20:38:26]

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By *ollyGWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

Bet you have never found one???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bet you have never found one???"

Sorry? Found what?

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By *avrick15Man
over a year ago

glasgow

Ha ha

You should've signed it off with "easy going and good sense of humour essential"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

".....like the women on here these days, it would go something like this (feel free to add to it):

You must have exactly the right colour hair (of the mans choosing), and it should not be too long or too short. Makeup must be worn at all times, but not too much, or too little.

You must be between 5'6 and 5'11 without heels - if you are not, I will not respond.

Happy fabbing.

LOVE IT

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By *indingDeemoMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Haha what a legend that was hilarious and kind of true to a large percentage

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I just want more than 'here for fun and a bloody cock pic'

Then they moan on status updates about are there any genuine women on here?

Or in the forums they moan about women not messaging first...WE WANT TO MESSAGE! But your profiles are so shit, there is nothing in them for us to start a conversation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

".....like the women on here these days, it would go something like this (feel free to add to it):

You must have exactly the right colour hair (of the mans choosing), and it should not be too long or too short. Makeup must be worn at all times, but not too much, or too little.

You must be between 5'6 and 5'11 without heels - if you are not, I will not respond.

Happy fabbing.

It beats 'fill in later'

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Maybe they should. It still wouldn't work though...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

this.

plus my profile isn't anything like the OP, but i suppose it was supposed to be a humouruous attempt at generalising women for getting what they want on here.

fuck knows how you spell humourous also.

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By *emplarWarriorMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Ive had to steal it mate sorry, its now my profile

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ive had to steal it mate sorry, its now my profile

Hahaha! Good lad

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You can quote me if you like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

Grrrrr!

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By *avrick15Man
over a year ago

glasgow

Improve on it by putting in the footer

Only joking, all holes a goal... hit me up

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Ive had to steal it mate sorry, its now my profile

"
hahaha you did aswell...funny!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

this.

plus my profile isn't anything like the OP, but i suppose it was supposed to be a humouruous attempt at generalising women for getting what they want on here.

fuck knows how you spell humourous also."

Yes, it is quite clearly what I like to call, satire.

Humorous and satirical.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would? Shite I'm doing this all wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It would? Shite I'm doing this all wrong. "

Nah, your profile is fucking perfect - best I've read in years, fact

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great post OP

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

Why, we know you only look at the pics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very very true lol. And if men were to write that they didn't like fat women or tall women, they would be called shallow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive had to steal it mate sorry, its now my profile

I was thinking the same thing. Great thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

Why, we know you only look at the pics

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

".....like the women on here these days, it would go something like this (feel free to add to it):

You must have exactly the right colour hair (of the mans choosing), and it should not be too long or too short. Makeup must be worn at all times, but not too much, or too little.

You must be between 5'6 and 5'11 without heels - if you are not, I will not respond.

Happy fabbing.

You forgot to add, 'send me a pic of your face, cock, shoulders, arse and left knee in your first message (titled 'you're not Brad Pitt so p*ss off') or I will not respond despite me having no pictures at all on my profile'... and do it now!'

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

It's good OP but you are missing a trick in not embedding a codeword in the profile. Amateurs put them at the bottom in their own little paragraph so it's possible to skim read and find them. Sliding it into the bulk of the text ensures that only those who have read the entire thing spot it and use it. And you get bonus points if it's the word marshmallow.

Plus always finish on a 'joke' and add a lol to make the fact it's supposed to be funny clear. Something like 'you're not getting anywhere near my hoop if you can't jump through a few to start with lol' would suffice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's an excellent idea. You should do it. Get that inane footer too. I would 100% be interested in a profile like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You forgot -must pick me up (in a nice car) and bring beer

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

So fucking true!! Bloody women!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would? Shite I'm doing this all wrong.

Nah, your profile is fucking perfect - best I've read in years, fact

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's an excellent idea. You should do it. Get that inane footer too. I would 100% be interested in a profile like that.

You forgot the filters. The op should block all single women so even if they have read his profile and tried to respond- they can't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol spot on OP! Good work!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it's an excellent idea. You should do it. Get that inane footer too. I would 100% be interested in a profile like that.

Someone higher up the thread has already copy/pasted it into his own profile, so if I use it now it's going to look like I lifted it from him...

Although we're in different areas of the country so actually I might try it out for a bit!

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By *hampagneAfterpartyCouple
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

Haha yes so true. I'd rather they wrote what they are really looking for than not. Saves everybody's time

They do! Simply 'a woman' is what most are looking for ! Preferably with a pulse

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

Haha yes so true. I'd rather they wrote what they are really looking for than not. Saves everybody's time

They do! Simply 'a woman' is what most are looking for ! Preferably with a pulse

Mine was very different, and I certainly don't pop my cork for every girl I see.....however, I have now changed my profile text entirely!

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By *loppsyWoman
over a year ago

marlow

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

".....like the women on here these days, it would go something like this (feel free to add to it):

You must have exactly the right colour hair (of the mans choosing), and it should not be too long or too short. Makeup must be worn at all times, but not too much, or too little.

You must be between 5'6 and 5'11 without heels - if you are not, I will not respond.

Happy fabbing.

Good one mate, weird I was thinking of writing my profile like that the past few weeks lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

Haha yes so true. I'd rather they wrote what they are really looking for than not. Saves everybody's time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It would be great if men actually wrote anything at all on their profiles in the first place

Haha yes so true. I'd rather they wrote what they are really looking for than not. Saves everybody's time

I skip over any profile that only has a line or two. It just shows lack of effort in my opinion.

Eve. X

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