FabSwingers.com forum: Monogamy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If one person of the marriage/couple decided that they no longer wanted to swing, but the other person still wanted to, what would be the solution?

And do you think both parties would be able to settle down and be completely happy with a monogamous marriage /relationship?

Interested to know people's thoughts on this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

never been in this situation personally, and although i don't get jealous of my meets seeing others, i know if a partner wanted to swing i would leave them.

i find it a huge turn off myself and it would diminish the amount of attraction i felt for them. be even worse if they did it behind my back, i'd feel betrayed as well.

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By *andi_shopWoman
over a year ago

rotherham

I don't think a relationship can genuinely work if both parties want different things. Someone will always be disappointed wanting more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would depend on how strong their relationship is I guess. If one half feels the need they need to carry on swinging when the other doesn't want to, then it's something they'd need to discuss. If one half is adamant they want neither to have any involvement then I'd think they should stop as it wouldn't be any good for the relationship, if they can't be happy together in a monogamy relationship then why be together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If one off us wanted to stop then we'd stop. This is something we've already talked about.

Swinging isn't a lifestyle thing for us like it is for other couples, it's just a bit of extra fun.

We've had periods of time where we've had lots of meets and month's where we've had none, our relationship is priority.

I have no interest in swinging without Dave as it's something we do together, his thing is seeing me with other guys and I love it, but only with him involved too. Knowing he's enjoying it is the biggest turn on for me

For him he is more interested in MM meets and if he really wanted to carry on meeting other guys then it would be fine with me as I love this side of him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My husband and I were monogamous for 17 years and will be again when one of us wants to stop, we only continue whilst we are both happy to do so xx

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I don't think a relationship can genuinely work if both parties want different things. Someone will always be disappointed wanting more"

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By *inkswithpanCouple
over a year ago

lough

We always said that if one of us wanted to stop for any reason then we would stop. No recriminations, no feeling sorry for yourself. We entered this lifestyle as a couple and we will carry on as a couple or leave as a couple x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We always said that if one of us wanted to stop for any reason then we would stop. No recriminations, no feeling sorry for yourself. We entered this lifestyle as a couple and we will carry on as a couple or leave as a couple x"

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By *oi_LucyCouple
over a year ago

Barbados

We made the same pact ourselves.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If one of my partners decided that they wanted monogamy, then we'd split up. It's absolutely as simple as that. I am not prepared to do monogamy again, and if they weren't prepared to compromise then we go our separate ways.

No harm in that at all - we're adults and can recognise when something doesn't suit us anymore. It's why I like dating people who prioritise their own wants and needs.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I think it depends on the relationship. I have no doubt I could be with the OH and he with me, despite both being bi, if either of us wanted to and asked the other to. More likely, and what is happening to us anyway, is that we are drifting away from the scene as such because we don't have so much in common with what it has become. We are drifting away from swinging together. Both of us have been monogamous in relationships, but neither of us has been able to be truly honest about who we are before. That's the interesting thing for me - as a couple, I think this means our relationship is better because of where we are right now. This is why I find it hard to fathom couples who say monogamy can't be exciting and fulfilling, because I think it can. This is how I feel right now. I have been known to change my mind, but I don't get overly defensive about what our relationship should or shouldn't be like because we are swingers (or maybe we aren't)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It depends entirely on the couple, their relationship, why they swing, how they communicate and a hundred other variables. I think it also depends on if you look for something more than sex in the people you meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were manogamous 10 years and were happy. But on my eyes being opened to this I would struggle to go back, and I think he would too. If we had to we would, because we were married as a manogamous couple, and developed our marriage for 10 years as a manogamous couple. But I firmly believe being manogamous is not the real me.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the reason as to why one of the partners just couldn't cope with anything else but monogamy

I mean you don't just wake up in morning after swinging and say hey guess what; no more.

There has to be a reason behind it; is it insecurities? Is it that someone pushed the limits beyond tolerance;

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging came about for us after a year and a half together in a monogamous relationship together . It was a glorious 18 months , getting to know each other , exploring everything together and ultimately beginning our lifestyle choice together . We married a year later , and have niw been married for over 4 years . What a great life we have , and swinging is a part of it now . We are so lucky to have found each other and we can speak from both sides of the coin . Monogamy was great , and now swinging has made it even better . We have complete trust with other , and share everything , even our deepest thoughts .

One things for sure , if either of us wanted to stop , that would be it . Game over , no questions asked . We know , we have been there , and we loved every minute of our monogamous time together . Swinging certainly enhances our marriage , but it's far from the be all and end all . Truth be known I doubt either of us will be hanging up our swinging boots though . We are having way too much fun to even think about it yet !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know if these categories of monogamy, polyamory, etc really apply to us any more. We've always been very open as a couple and that's unlikely to change. Now we're sexually open too. Could we go through a phase of not playing with others? Sure. There are plenty of exciting adventures to be had in this life. If someone gave us a few flirtatious winks would we ignore it? Probably not if we found them attractive. Lets call it "post-monogamy"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know if these categories of monogamy, polyamory, etc really apply to us any more. We've always been very open as a couple and that's unlikely to change. Now we're sexually open too. Could we go through a phase of not playing with others? Sure. There are plenty of exciting adventures to be had in this life. If someone gave us a few flirtatious winks would we ignore it? Probably not if we found them attractive. Lets call it "post-monogamy"

"non-monogamy"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If one person of the marriage/couple decided that they no longer wanted to swing, but the other person still wanted to, what would be the solution?

And do you think both parties would be able to settle down and be completely happy with a monogamous marriage /relationship?

Interested to know people's thoughts on this. "

If one of us wanted to stop we would stop, this is a joint venture for both our enjoyment

And yeah we would be happy with a monogamous relationship we were for 15 years so would be able to go back to it

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Depends on the reason as to why one of the partners just couldn't cope with anything else but monogamy

I mean you don't just wake up in morning after swinging and say hey guess what; no more.

There has to be a reason behind it; is it insecurities? Is it that someone pushed the limits beyond tolerance; "

The reason we don't do it anymore, just drifted out of it is because it's boring .... whereas our monogamous relationship isn't. This isn't necessarily where we are going to stay, but as of now, its quite the opposite of insecurities. Every now and then this idea that there is something insecure in relationships which don't include swinging pops up .... it's a weird one as relationships evolve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i totally misunderstood this question, sorry.

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