FabSwingers.com forum: Reply even if they arent for you

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We always try to reply to messages if polite even if we wouldn't meet for fun.

Had a few times where our polite reply to the initial message has been seen as misleading..

As in why reply if they aren't for us

.. but not every message is wanting a meet.. until someone asks for a meet or if your into one.. it could just be polite conversation... and if in a club.. we don't not talk to those we have no interest in playing with.. but in real life and on here once the subject of meeting or interaction comes up.. We would be swift to say.. sorry thanks but not me..

So my question is if a first message wasnt rude and was polite .. it didnt enquire about meeting... would you reply instantly saying sorry not for you.. or carry on the conversation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there was no interest from our end or they weren't what we were looking for we would just send a polite reply saying thanks for the message and just say the reasons why we weren't going to meet with them.

Kinky

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I'd say sorry not for me. No point wasting my time or building up their hopes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i don't reply myself.

unless i fancy them and might wanna meet in the future then it's highly unlikely i'll reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It all depends on who sends the message..

id have a quick scan of the profile, and if what I'm looking for, I'd carry on the conversation...

there have been a couple of eventual meets that have been the result of 'just a chat'

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Its more when the first messages are chatty... like hello.. hows you x or hi.. love the outfit etc x

Not everyone messages for a meet. Ive messaged people to compliment or ask something.. or even just chat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is actually something we've been talking about a lot lately. We try to reply to most messages. Depending on the message, we tailor our response. Usually if they seem interested in a meet we reply with a no thank you (worded nicer, of course).

But lately couples (and I say couples because single guys have not been doing this - it's been exclusively couples) have been responding with rather peeved messages saying they weren't asking for a meet, they were just saying hi.

Well, it's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't want to waste my time with hi how are you messages when the other party clearly wants a meet and we don't. It's been really frustrating

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

I always reply , always polite but will say if interested or not ,,

Don't believe in just ignoring , hate it myself so won't do it to others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do, but only if they attach a face pic. However, I state on my profile that I'm not looking for endless chit chat or something along those lines.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Its for me unless they take the conversation to " what you looking for" etc.. i wont assume they are looking to meet and would reply in a general manner.. if then they ask anything sexual.. then a" Sorry but not what.we are looking for " message would be sent

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

I politely answer the messages but deliberately don't get too friendly and chatty so they don't misinterpret friendliness for interest.

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By *lackMetalMan
over a year ago

Centre

I do always answer if the message is pleasant and funny and well written. What I don't do is assume that they wrote because they like what they saw or that they want to meet. I try not to. S that presumptuous. It is until they suggest a meet that I say whether I am interested in meeting or not.

If they email me first and I am not attracted to them, I will reply and will only say no my interested, if they ask me that direct question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We get a few 'how's u' messages a day and we're never sure what to say but we generally just delete them. If people send a well thought out message, or a compliment, or response to a forum post, we try to respond, but there's no guarantee we always can.

Yes like the OP we imagine we're at a club or social and try to be polite. We know what it's like to be ignored.

But we don't have the time to reply to everyone.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

If the message is polite and the sender has read our profile we will always reply, even if its a no thanks. Jack.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we aren't interested in meeting the sender , whether it's pleasant and chatty or looking to meet , we don't reply .

We truly only respond to those we are interested in .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As we're not inundated with messages we do always try to reply even if not interested. But I can imagine how hard that must be if your one of the "elite"

and your mailbox is continually filling up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We reply usually along the lines of, hi thanks for your message but we're not looking to chat with anyone else at the moment. Enjoy your day

It seems to do the trick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say sorry too far away quite often, they respond with we can travel to you, thus requiring another message to say sorry I don't host.

It's easier to just delete if not interested, it isn't rude, some members get heaps of mail so can't reply to all anyway. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its for me unless they take the conversation to " what you looking for" etc.. i wont assume they are looking to meet and would reply in a general manner.. if then they ask anything sexual.. then a" Sorry but not what.we are looking for " message would be sent"

Same. Or I'd just say something like sorry not chatting to anyone new.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I talk to most people but not all. It depends on the message and the profile. I'm reducing my fab presence anyway, so it's a moot point in some ways.

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By *ewels74Woman
over a year ago

Dundee/Angus/Blackpool

I reply to mostly everyone or try to,its nice cause you never know who is out there and even general chit chat can make someone's day I think xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a lazy grumpy bitch. I reply to very few.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to reply to everyone. It's just good manners, but I also think honesty is necessary.

If they are clearly not for me but are flirting and leading up to the big question then I politely let them know I'm not going to be flattening any grass with them.

The only ones I do ignore are the guys who simply say, 'I'm free, fancy a fuck?' But have no pics and expect you to give them your address and come round straight away.

On the other hand, if someone who has pics and that I find sexy says 'Fancy a fuck?' then I've found myself 20 minutes later balls deep in someone or on my back with my legs over a guys shoulders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Manners cost nothing so I do reply but instantly block if not for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often chat with people with no intention of meeting. The conversation doesn't lead that way and if if does I may just say that I'm not interested that way and we may or may not carry on chatting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a good answer I like that because your not being nasty in any way ....where you get some reply are quite blunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same. Or I'd just say something like sorry not chatting to anyone new. "
good answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We reply usually along the lines of, hi thanks for your message but we're not looking to chat with anyone else at the moment. Enjoy your day

It seems to do the trick "
hi I think that's a fair answer and your not offending any body

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually a polite no thanks but had so much hassle lately just started to delete -

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

If they say they like my pics i say thanks, if they say how are you or what are you up to today i ignore because i think its a pointless question, being nosey and they probably wouldnt be interested anyway its just something to say isnt it.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

It depends...

How are you messages, we just delete.

If it's a compliment, half decent message or response to a forum post, we'll usually reply.

We don't assume that people automatically want to meet us. However, we also try not to give people the wrong impression and send out the wrong signals.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always reply to "proper" messages ("hi,how are you?" "Free now" etc gets deleted), and have had nice chats with people following on from a forum post when there's no intention of meeting from either party. Even got a couple of new people on my hotlist that way, ready for when I'm in a position to meet again

if someone's taken the time to bother reading my profile I'd always reply, even with a polite no thanks.

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By *rnortholtMan
over a year ago

Waveney Valley

I sometimes send messages commenting on status updates that have amused me or profiles that show somebody has wit or a similar attitude to mine. They're not outright "shall we meet," but are a sign of interest.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

If they have read my profile and fit my preferences, even if I'm not interested in meeting them I will politely reply.

If they don't fit my preferences and they haven't referred to that in the message, then I presume they haven't read my profile so I dont reply.

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By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

Looking at the hundreds of messages women can get no reply is fine.

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By *ostafunMan
over a year ago

near ipswich

i always reply just to be polite in fact i just replied to a message that was clearly ment for someone else and would hate to think they were missing out on some fun because i couldnt be bothered to tell them they sent it to the wrong person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The original question is do you reply if they aren't for you but haven't requested a meet. Manners cost nothing, so yes, a polite message would be nice.

In.my early days, I was on here with a girlfriend as a couple and wanted advice..The couple we asked weren't our type nor we theirs but they took time to share knowledge.

As a single guy, it's rare to get a message.

When I do, I reply politely.

It's interesting what you learn from people's behaviour on here. There's a type of couple that has a number of key phrases that means they are going to be hard work.

"No ping pong messages"- means lots of back and forth- rarely meet.

"We get too many messages to reply. If you don't get one, you aren't for us." This means we think we are more important than you and can't be bothered. .

My pet hate is the couple that email me with a request to meet but then don't read or reply.

You need thick skin to be on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless they suggest otherwise (i.e. they ask a question or discuss something on the forum) then I assume the *only* reason people are messaging me is because they want to meet me. Why else would you message someone on a swingers site? If I want a little chat, I have a little chat with my mates on Facebook...

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By *thicalslutx69Couple
over a year ago

lincoln

We generally reply to anyone who makes the effort to write a proper message or compliments us on our profile, we are happy to chat with anyone regardless of if we will meet them as long as they are pushy and don't keep asking to meet.

We just delete messages that say "Hi" or "I'm/we're free, fancy meeting?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unless they suggest otherwise (i.e. they ask a question or discuss something on the forum) then I assume the *only* reason people are messaging me is because they want to meet me. Why else would you message someone on a swingers site? If I want a little chat, I have a little chat with my mates on Facebook..."

Spot on

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