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single guys who meet but say afterwards o woudnt let my girfriend

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By *ap Adge OP   Man
over a year ago

Wirral

Hi everyone just back from.a nice meet the couple in.question asked another guy to join in.i see them every two months. But thi time Anne wanted another guy. When we finished the meet and left his car was behind mine and casually said I would never let my girlfriend swing. I was taken.back a bit. As this couple have emailed me the past that with my help their sex life is amazing for them as a couple. When they have sex alone. I have always after dating been.honest If I thought. I could broach the subject about swinging and three previous relationships have included. One ltr. I can't see what I guys hang up.was

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Lots of people (both male and female) wouldn't be comfortable sharing their partner.

I've seen it said numerous times on here. I'm suprised that you were suprised.

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By *ap Adge OP   Man
over a year ago

Wirral

I was I have always enjoyed my g friends. To have fun and watch. It's lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is one of the most off putting attitudes some single guys have!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/09/16 22:49:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this kind of attitude shows both a lack of respect and a lack of understanding for what swinging actually is. It also says a lot about the guy, that he's happy to run around fucking people but couldn't accept his partner doing the same betrays a level of hypocrisy

Beard

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I've lost count of the number of times I've read single women say the same and couples where only one half is allowed to play as the other doesn't want to share, but heaven forbid single men say the same thing!

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Some might even say that he's not a "true" swinger, but you know how inflammatory such a statement can be on the forums, so of course I would never say such a thing

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By *hrisANtifCouple
over a year ago

Napoli, Italy

Pretty common attitude amongst guys unfortunately. Same reason you see a lot of couple profiles that are only looking for single females. Guys wanting everything but far too insecure to allow their gf/wife to have any fun.

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By *amagustaMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I met a couple on holiday, the guy has shared his fiance.She was a bit nervous as it was her first experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think this kind of attitude shows both a lack of respect and a lack of understanding for what swinging actually is. It also says a lot about the guy, that he's happy to run around fucking people but couldn't accept his partner doing the same betrays a level of hypocrisy

Beard"

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By *errible2sumCouple
over a year ago

london

We would not meet a guy who would not be prepared to share a woman with another man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/09/16 19:45:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've over heard it many times in clubs where single guys have been talking and said they would never take their Mrs to such a place

But then it stands to reason really, if they are playing away why would they want to share their wife, they are the type of people who would play the victim if they ever found out their partner was doing the same as them

Some just want their cake and eat it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/09/16 20:40:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a similar thread a few months back, and I had a strip torn off me for my view on the matter, so I'll feel more careful this time. But I will say that we feel more comfortable with single men who, if there were in a relationship, would swing as a couple. We try to deviate towards men who are similar sexual outlook to ourselves.

OP it sounds like you have a rewarding friendship with this couple. Good for you. I'm sure they appreciate the shared outlook.

Mrs

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"I've lost count of the number of times I've read single women say the same and couples where only one half is allowed to play as the other doesn't want to share, but heaven forbid single men say the same thing! "

Like many threads on Fab, it works just as well to swap the word "man", "woman" or "couple" for the phrase "some people".

Some people have issues sharing.

Simples

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've lost count of the number of times I've read single women say the same and couples where only one half is allowed to play as the other doesn't want to share, but heaven forbid single men say the same thing!

Like many threads on Fab, it works just as well to swap the word "man", "woman" or "couple" for the phrase "some people".

Some people have issues sharing.

Simples

Mr ddc"

In evolutionary psychology, it's to be expected that men would find sharing harder than women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His loss though. Missing all the fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"His loss though. Missing all the fun"
his choice though too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"His loss though. Missing all the fun his choice though too "

I agree but he should show the same courtesy. Basically if you think about it he was basically talking down about the couple he had just played with.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"I've lost count of the number of times I've read single women say the same and couples where only one half is allowed to play as the other doesn't want to share, but heaven forbid single men say the same thing!

Like many threads on Fab, it works just as well to swap the word "man", "woman" or "couple" for the phrase "some people".

Some people have issues sharing.

Simples

Mr ddc

In evolutionary psychology, it's to be expected that men would find sharing harder than women. "

Really? I would have thought that from an evolutionary perspective it would be harder for the female to have an open relationship.

But as an engineer I was out of my depth by your third word.

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By *estmidscoupleCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands


"His loss though. Missing all the fun his choice though too

I agree but he should show the same courtesy. Basically if you think about it he was basically talking down about the couple he had just played with. "
We've had this said to us at a greedy girl event, guy played then smilingly said "I'd never let my Mrs do this" , felt quite insulted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"His loss though. Missing all the fun his choice though too

I agree but he should show the same courtesy. Basically if you think about it he was basically talking down about the couple he had just played with. "
i dont see it that way, obviously we dont know the fella or wot context he was saying it in but i dont see a problem, doin it for 'courtesy' sake isnt the reason any1 should do anything x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are two very different dynamics at play: joining an existing couple is very different to sharing your own partner. Just because a person is comfortable with one doesn't mean to say they would, or should as what's being suggested here, be comfortable with the other.

I have joined couples in the past and have great respect for any relationships where swinging works. However I'm 99% certain that if I was in a relationship again I would not be swinging with my partner. I don't see how that's hypocritical at all, as they are two very different activities for me to take part in with very different dynamics at play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there are two very different dynamics at play: joining an existing couple is very different to sharing your own partner. Just because a person is comfortable with one doesn't mean to say they would, or should as what's being suggested here, be comfortable with the other.

I have joined couples in the past and have great respect for any relationships where swinging works. However I'm 99% certain that if I was in a relationship again I would not be swinging with my partner. I don't see how that's hypocritical at all, as they are two very different activities for me to take part in with very different dynamics at play. "
better than iv just put it! lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"His loss though. Missing all the fun his choice though too

I agree but he should show the same courtesy. Basically if you think about it he was basically talking down about the couple he had just played with. i dont see it that way, obviously we dont know the fella or wot context he was saying it in but i dont see a problem, doin it for 'courtesy' sake isnt the reason any1 should do anything x"

Well, like you say. His life, his choice but like the couple said above me, if the lady in question had heard that she would be pure insulted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there are two very different dynamics at play: joining an existing couple is very different to sharing your own partner. Just because a person is comfortable with one doesn't mean to say they would, or should as what's being suggested here, be comfortable with the other.

I have joined couples in the past and have great respect for any relationships where swinging works. However I'm 99% certain that if I was in a relationship again I would not be swinging with my partner. I don't see how that's hypocritical at all, as they are two very different activities for me to take part in with very different dynamics at play. "

That sounds as though you wouldn't be swinging alone either? I think the issue here is when people have one rule for themselves and another for their partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there are two very different dynamics at play: joining an existing couple is very different to sharing your own partner. Just because a person is comfortable with one doesn't mean to say they would, or should as what's being suggested here, be comfortable with the other.

I have joined couples in the past and have great respect for any relationships where swinging works. However I'm 99% certain that if I was in a relationship again I would not be swinging with my partner. I don't see how that's hypocritical at all, as they are two very different activities for me to take part in with very different dynamics at play. "

There is a difference between saying 'I'd never let my girlfriend/wife do this' and 'I wouldnt be comfortable to do this if I were in a relationship'. The first statement would jar if said to me. The second statement is understandable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there are two very different dynamics at play: joining an existing couple is very different to sharing your own partner. Just because a person is comfortable with one doesn't mean to say they would, or should as what's being suggested here, be comfortable with the other.

I have joined couples in the past and have great respect for any relationships where swinging works. However I'm 99% certain that if I was in a relationship again I would not be swinging with my partner. I don't see how that's hypocritical at all, as they are two very different activities for me to take part in with very different dynamics at play.

That sounds as though you wouldn't be swinging alone either? I think the issue here is when people have one rule for themselves and another for their partner."
no the issue was/is the lady felt insulted as his preference was/is not to share his partner, i dont think she should take it as a insult, thats his choice.

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By *MaleMan
over a year ago

It also depends on the guy. If the single guy appeals to a cpl, they're comfy with him and all the signs are good then there's potential. Even with cpls that dont seek or usually meet singles. If they like you they'll approach you otherwise they wont. Found myself in that situation a few times at mixed priv house parties.

No doubt if the single guy is the polar opposite then a cpl are going to maintain their no single guys stance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there are two very different dynamics at play: joining an existing couple is very different to sharing your own partner. Just because a person is comfortable with one doesn't mean to say they would, or should as what's being suggested here, be comfortable with the other.

I have joined couples in the past and have great respect for any relationships where swinging works. However I'm 99% certain that if I was in a relationship again I would not be swinging with my partner. I don't see how that's hypocritical at all, as they are two very different activities for me to take part in with very different dynamics at play.

That sounds as though you wouldn't be swinging alone either? I think the issue here is when people have one rule for themselves and another for their partner."

Yeah maybe I've picked that up wrong.... I assumed the guy was single and was saying if he had a girlfriend he wouldn't do it? My bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there are two very different dynamics at play: joining an existing couple is very different to sharing your own partner. Just because a person is comfortable with one doesn't mean to say they would, or should as what's being suggested here, be comfortable with the other.

I have joined couples in the past and have great respect for any relationships where swinging works. However I'm 99% certain that if I was in a relationship again I would not be swinging with my partner. I don't see how that's hypocritical at all, as they are two very different activities for me to take part in with very different dynamics at play.

There is a difference between saying 'I'd never let my girlfriend/wife do this' and 'I wouldnt be comfortable to do this if I were in a relationship'. The first statement would jar if said to me. The second statement is understandable."

Yeah I totally agree that way, particularly if he's currently in a relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is a difference between saying 'I'd never let my girlfriend/wife do this' and 'I wouldnt be comfortable to do this if I were in a relationship'. The first statement would jar if said to me. The second statement is understandable."

This.

I suppose it depends on how a person views swinging though. I see clubs/ full swap as a fab activity you can do together. Whereas others would see it as threatening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Odd, we're so far the other way. Mrs is joining some really close friends (another couple) for one of their birthdays in a couple weeks. She finds it harder to accept me going off. Maybe it'll happen in time, maybe it won't. Every couple has different levels of okay and they change with experience as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've lost count of the number of times I've read single women say the same and couples where only one half is allowed to play as the other doesn't want to share, but heaven forbid single men say the same thing!

Like many threads on Fab, it works just as well to swap the word "man", "woman" or "couple" for the phrase "some people".

Some people have issues sharing.

Simples

Mr ddc

In evolutionary psychology, it's to be expected that men would find sharing harder than women.

Really? I would have thought that from an evolutionary perspective it would be harder for the female to have an open relationship.

But as an engineer I was out of my depth by your third word.

"

The theory is that men and women had / have theee major differences driving different incentives as we evolved.

1. Women have an inherent limit on the number of children they can produce

2. Women carry more of the burden of raising children

3. Women are never in doubt about whether they are the mother of their baby

Putting them together. It's a more success reproductive strategy for a woman to share a man with other women, providing he can provide enough resources to all of them.

The man is only really limited by the resources he can provide to help women with problem 2. Therefore, the key to his successful reproduction is to ensure that the children he dedicates resources to, are indeed his.

Hence jealousy works well to support the optimal reproductive strategy for men, but works against women. So in theory, men should be more jealous than women. There are certainly a lot more polygamous cultures than any other, which supports the theory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

two of my ex's(non site members now)(and proper relationships), didnt like me having sex with other women, but accepted other cocks........I didnt mind, but I dont like controllers of a hypocritical insecure nature...so obviously things didnt last.

(I would have been happy off the scene if they had wanted)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People have different sensitivities and can handle different things. Mr and I have different rules for each other because we're different people. We have an open marriage , but he has more freedom than I have, but it's my choice to let him have that freedom. However I don't want to know until afterwards, whereas he likes to be included even when he's not there. I probably play more overall though.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My view of love is one person with another to the exclusion of all others. I would not be interested in swinging if l was in love. Anyone else's view of love is not my business. However l completely understand for the following reasons why couples would not want to swing with someone who swings and has a partner but does not allow the partner to swing. Firstly the couple are rightly concerned that the swinging woman is seen as a disposable slut and inferior to the other person's wife. Secondly is simply the idea of playing with like minded people and thirdly the BYO principle if a couple want to play, both partners want a member of the opposite sex to play with as well. The problem is that some people express the position as if the partner us a commodity. Some people would say if it is sex does it matter, but everone is entitled to respect and feel respected.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My view of love is one person with another to the exclusion of all others. I would not be interested in swinging if l was in love. Anyone else's view of love is not my business. However l completely understand for the following reasons why couples would not want to swing with someone who swings and has a partner but does not allow the partner to swing. Firstly the couple are rightly concerned that the swinging woman is seen as a disposable slut and inferior to the other person's wife. Secondly is simply the idea of playing with like minded people and thirdly the BYO principle if a couple want to play, both partners want a member of the opposite sex to play with as well. The problem is that some people express the position as if the partner us a commodity. Some people would say if it is sex does it matter, but everone is entitled to respect and feel respected."

So in your view, countries where polygamy is the norm don't have people that love each other?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is one of the most off putting attitudes some single guys have! "

If they have gf/partner....they are not single?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is one of the most off putting attitudes some single guys have!

If they have gf/partner....they are not single?"

I don't think he does. I think he was saying If/when he does xx

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

Lots of ingle guys meet couples but say they wouldn't let their gf if they had one.

I don't think it's a singers attitude, but true singers are not that common.

#not atrueswingerhimself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember going dogging a while ago with a male friend. We met a couple at a local and busy picnic area. The woman was very chatty and walked among the men. The guy i was with was keen to have sex with her.it didnt happen cos while she cud fuck whoeva she chose her partner wasnt allowed to look at another women let alone play.the guy i was with didnt get to play with her as i told him if he had her i want her guy and that wasnt gunna happen.

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By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

Would be awesome to have a swinger relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have met couples but if I was ever in a relationship I could not swing . Every one has choices . It's not hypocritical . What works for some would not work for others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My view of love is one person with another to the exclusion of all others. I would not be interested in swinging if l was in love. Anyone else's view of love is not my business. However l completely understand for the following reasons why couples would not want to swing with someone who swings and has a partner but does not allow the partner to swing. Firstly the couple are rightly concerned that the swinging woman is seen as a disposable slut and inferior to the other person's wife. Secondly is simply the idea of playing with like minded people and thirdly the BYO principle if a couple want to play, both partners want a member of the opposite sex to play with as well. The problem is that some people express the position as if the partner us a commodity. Some people would say if it is sex does it matter, but everone is entitled to respect and feel respected.

So in your view, countries where polygamy is the norm don't have people that love each other? "

I said one to one is my preference, what other people do is not my business. For the record l come from a country where polygamy is legal and there are polygamous marriages in my family so I have my own view of polygamy.

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By *.nottsbloke..Man
over a year ago

the vale

Surely it's up to her not him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people like monogamy.

Couples on here only do it because the other person has allowed it. He's saying he wouldn't say yes if she asked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Surely it's up to her not him "

He has to agree or it's cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My view of love is one person with another to the exclusion of all others. I would not be interested in swinging if l was in love. Anyone else's view of love is not my business. However l completely understand for the following reasons why couples would not want to swing with someone who swings and has a partner but does not allow the partner to swing. Firstly the couple are rightly concerned that the swinging woman is seen as a disposable slut and inferior to the other person's wife. Secondly is simply the idea of playing with like minded people and thirdly the BYO principle if a couple want to play, both partners want a member of the opposite sex to play with as well. The problem is that some people express the position as if the partner us a commodity. Some people would say if it is sex does it matter, but everone is entitled to respect and feel respected."

I think that you have totally nailed this. All couples are different and we should not judge or put our standards on others however ... Personally I would find it hard to understand why someone is in the lifestyle in any sense but keeps their partner out of it. Your BYO comment really chimed with my thinking. There will always be exceptions though but I think that is the staring point. Mr Clasay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My view of love is one person with another to the exclusion of all others. I would not be interested in swinging if l was in love. Anyone else's view of love is not my business. However l completely understand for the following reasons why couples would not want to swing with someone who swings and has a partner but does not allow the partner to swing. Firstly the couple are rightly concerned that the swinging woman is seen as a disposable slut and inferior to the other person's wife. Secondly is simply the idea of playing with like minded people and thirdly the BYO principle if a couple want to play, both partners want a member of the opposite sex to play with as well. The problem is that some people express the position as if the partner us a commodity. Some people would say if it is sex does it matter, but everone is entitled to respect and feel respected.

So in your view, countries where polygamy is the norm don't have people that love each other?

I said one to one is my preference, what other people do is not my business. For the record l come from a country where polygamy is legal and there are polygamous marriages in my family so I have my own view of polygamy."

So what's your view on polygamy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My view of love is one person with another to the exclusion of all others. I would not be interested in swinging if l was in love. Anyone else's view of love is not my business. However l completely understand for the following reasons why couples would not want to swing with someone who swings and has a partner but does not allow the partner to swing. Firstly the couple are rightly concerned that the swinging woman is seen as a disposable slut and inferior to the other person's wife. Secondly is simply the idea of playing with like minded people and thirdly the BYO principle if a couple want to play, both partners want a member of the opposite sex to play with as well. The problem is that some people express the position as if the partner us a commodity. Some people would say if it is sex does it matter, but everone is entitled to respect and feel respected.

So in your view, countries where polygamy is the norm don't have people that love each other?

I said one to one is my preference, what other people do is not my business. For the record l come from a country where polygamy is legal and there are polygamous marriages in my family so I have my own view of polygamy.

So what's your view on polygamy? "

It can work in a society that is geared for polygamy but unless the husband is dominant and completely impartial it is recipe for misery where one wife is preferred to another or one child of the other.

An uncle of mine who died recently. He had 6 wives and 15 children between them and left no will. The fallout is horrendous. When the children were young things were ok, but as they got older the children naturally want the best for their mothers so it became very divisive. All l can say l have found it difficult keeping one woman happy, polygamy in my mind is a function of old world religious thinking where women were commodities. The most famous examples are in the Old Testament very few of the polygamous marriages there work.

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By *.nottsbloke..Man
over a year ago

the vale


"Surely it's up to her not him

He has to agree or it's cheating. "

He already is

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"I've lost count of the number of times I've read single women say the same and couples where only one half is allowed to play as the other doesn't want to share, but heaven forbid single men say the same thing!

Like many threads on Fab, it works just as well to swap the word "man", "woman" or "couple" for the phrase "some people".

Some people have issues sharing.

Simples

Mr ddc

In evolutionary psychology, it's to be expected that men would find sharing harder than women.

Really? I would have thought that from an evolutionary perspective it would be harder for the female to have an open relationship.

But as an engineer I was out of my depth by your third word.

The theory is that men and women had / have theee major differences driving different incentives as we evolved.

1. Women have an inherent limit on the number of children they can produce

2. Women carry more of the burden of raising children

3. Women are never in doubt about whether they are the mother of their baby

Putting them together. It's a more success reproductive strategy for a woman to share a man with other women, providing he can provide enough resources to all of them.

The man is only really limited by the resources he can provide to help women with problem 2. Therefore, the key to his successful reproduction is to ensure that the children he dedicates resources to, are indeed his.

Hence jealousy works well to support the optimal reproductive strategy for men, but works against women. So in theory, men should be more jealous than women. There are certainly a lot more polygamous cultures than any other, which supports the theory. "

great post from a great mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've heard that attitude before , so it doesn't surprise me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My view of love is one person with another to the exclusion of all others. I would not be interested in swinging if l was in love. Anyone else's view of love is not my business. However l completely understand for the following reasons why couples would not want to swing with someone who swings and has a partner but does not allow the partner to swing. Firstly the couple are rightly concerned that the swinging woman is seen as a disposable slut and inferior to the other person's wife. Secondly is simply the idea of playing with like minded people and thirdly the BYO principle if a couple want to play, both partners want a member of the opposite sex to play with as well. The problem is that some people express the position as if the partner us a commodity. Some people would say if it is sex does it matter, but everone is entitled to respect and feel respected.

So in your view, countries where polygamy is the norm don't have people that love each other?

I said one to one is my preference, what other people do is not my business. For the record l come from a country where polygamy is legal and there are polygamous marriages in my family so I have my own view of polygamy.

So what's your view on polygamy?

It can work in a society that is geared for polygamy but unless the husband is dominant and completely impartial it is recipe for misery where one wife is preferred to another or one child of the other.

An uncle of mine who died recently. He had 6 wives and 15 children between them and left no will. The fallout is horrendous. When the children were young things were ok, but as they got older the children naturally want the best for their mothers so it became very divisive. All l can say l have found it difficult keeping one woman happy, polygamy in my mind is a function of old world religious thinking where women were commodities. The most famous examples are in the Old Testament very few of the polygamous marriages there work.

"

So your view isn't that non-mongamous marriages don't have love. It's that you personally wouldn't want a non-mongamous marriage with someone you love?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've lost count of the number of times I've read single women say the same and couples where only one half is allowed to play as the other doesn't want to share, but heaven forbid single men say the same thing!

Like many threads on Fab, it works just as well to swap the word "man", "woman" or "couple" for the phrase "some people".

Some people have issues sharing.

Simples

Mr ddc

In evolutionary psychology, it's to be expected that men would find sharing harder than women.

Really? I would have thought that from an evolutionary perspective it would be harder for the female to have an open relationship.

But as an engineer I was out of my depth by your third word.

The theory is that men and women had / have theee major differences driving different incentives as we evolved.

1. Women have an inherent limit on the number of children they can produce

2. Women carry more of the burden of raising children

3. Women are never in doubt about whether they are the mother of their baby

Putting them together. It's a more success reproductive strategy for a woman to share a man with other women, providing he can provide enough resources to all of them.

The man is only really limited by the resources he can provide to help women with problem 2. Therefore, the key to his successful reproduction is to ensure that the children he dedicates resources to, are indeed his.

Hence jealousy works well to support the optimal reproductive strategy for men, but works against women. So in theory, men should be more jealous than women. There are certainly a lot more polygamous cultures than any other, which supports the theory.

great post from a great mind "

Lol, it's just reciting someone else's theory from a book! But thanks all the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My view of love is one person with another to the exclusion of all others. I would not be interested in swinging if l was in love. Anyone else's view of love is not my business. However l completely understand for the following reasons why couples would not want to swing with someone who swings and has a partner but does not allow the partner to swing. Firstly the couple are rightly concerned that the swinging woman is seen as a disposable slut and inferior to the other person's wife. Secondly is simply the idea of playing with like minded people and thirdly the BYO principle if a couple want to play, both partners want a member of the opposite sex to play with as well. The problem is that some people express the position as if the partner us a commodity. Some people would say if it is sex does it matter, but everone is entitled to respect and feel respected.

So in your view, countries where polygamy is the norm don't have people that love each other?

I said one to one is my preference, what other people do is not my business. For the record l come from a country where polygamy is legal and there are polygamous marriages in my family so I have my own view of polygamy.

So what's your view on polygamy?

It can work in a society that is geared for polygamy but unless the husband is dominant and completely impartial it is recipe for misery where one wife is preferred to another or one child of the other.

An uncle of mine who died recently. He had 6 wives and 15 children between them and left no will. The fallout is horrendous. When the children were young things were ok, but as they got older the children naturally want the best for their mothers so it became very divisive. All l can say l have found it difficult keeping one woman happy, polygamy in my mind is a function of old world religious thinking where women were commodities. The most famous examples are in the Old Testament very few of the polygamous marriages there work.

So your view isn't that non-mongamous marriages don't have love. It's that you personally wouldn't want a non-mongamous marriage with someone you love? "

My view is that it is not for me , the state, religion or anyone else to tell fully aware adults how they arrange their love lives. If polygamy or polymory, or affairs works for the relevant people, go fill your boots.

But for me l could only love in a monogamous relationship. But l am not preaching, just personal choice.

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