FabSwingers.com forum: Women that are trying submission

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To those not into this I apologise.. but something I didnt know where else to put this.. but it is because of women contacting me via Fab....

I am putting this post after a few women have contacted me of late on here.. and I have to please say this..

Totally submitting to a man after a few weeks of knowing him, or your first meet being of bdsm nature is screaming for someone to get hurt.

Now I love my life, and I love the things I do with my Master but I did not jump straight in and give my Master total control over me..

Please think logically.. now I will admit I totally enjoy my submission, and the pain play.. but I could not do that with someone I had just met.. It takes trust.. now I know you have to slowly delve into this..

But seriously, it scares the hell out of me when I get messages from women that have submitted to a man they do not know from Adam to a level that I would still get nervous about doing now...

Imagine meeting someone and allowing him to tie you up and flog you first time..??? Sounds stupid but that is exactly what some of these girls are admitting to doing..

So while I am not an expert.. and my experiences are just that.. my experiences, as someone that has worked with rape and abuse victims.. PLEASE its okay to be submissive, but please still engage common sense.

1) always let someone know, who and where your meeting.. let them know roughly when you expect to be due back.

2) Leave the person your meetings number and details with someone.

3) Always meet first somewhere publically..

4)Dont jump straight in.. a real dominant or Master is not going to mind that you want to learn to trust him.. Or at least that is definately my view.

Now I know the above seems to be common sense.. And sorry to those Dommes on here.. I have no experience of that side so I can not explain how it is with men coming to women.. and from my limited knowledge of submissive men, it seems that as many of them jump in feet first.. but I am not meaning to exclude them..

Perhaps one of the lovely Dommes or Mistresses on here could give us some advice for newbie Male subs.. As my advice is linked to experience and therefore only a woman submitting to a man.

I would also as my last bit of advice suggest that new subs find an experiences sub/slave to mentor.. and talk to them about experiences.. its far easier for someone on the outside to spot things that someone that is being controlled may not... its not about questioning the Dominants authority.. but a duty of care.

Hope this makes sense.. but I really am starting to worry about some of the women on here that are jumping in with men they dont know and totally submitting from day one..

Although it was suggested to me that I am just jealous as I can still on occasion be a little erm.. well.. erm.. yes.. :D

Katie. x

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

have to say that although a lot of this seems like common sense it is great to put it on here for people to see.

i often get into chats with guys on here about being dominated by them but make it very clear that before any domination happens i would want to meet them for 'normal' sex etc first to see how compatible we are.

the fact that i get my BDSM covered by my Master also helps and that he doesnt allow any others to do it unless he knows them.

as you say there is alot of trust that goes into submitting to someone and allowing them to cane/mark you. if done wrong it can cause a lot of problems for the sub. one woman i know was telling me at the weekend that she ended up going to hospital once as some of her marks from a cane became infected. i for one dont want to have to go to the hospital and explain where they came from

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh actually I think I would get some sick amusement from those sort of marks.. lol

But yes.. it does seem like common sense..

I am a very defiant little submissive anyway.. and Master knows this.. I think if I was sent to another Master for anything I would be extremly difficult. lol

It just scares me the women coming to me saying that they were shocked how hard they were slapped, or spanked.. when I ask how long they have known their dom.. oh that was the first time.. and I just want to slap them myself for being so silly...

Because when bad things happen it makes my lifestyle so much harder to make others see that its something I mututally consent too and enjoy.

If a man contacts me off here asking to dominant me he normally gets a response that he is shocked from as its not very submissive..

I have worked out you can tell the real doms and Masters.. as they are the ones that address their message asking to have time with me to my Master.. as yet this hasnt happened.

Katie. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, if someone is stupid enough to "submit" to some bloke they've met of a swingers site, allowing him carte blanc to do what he likes, then you've just wasted five minutes of your life...they'll not take a blind bit of notice!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Personally, if someone is stupid enough to "submit" to some bloke they've met of a swingers site, allowing him carte blanc to do what he likes, then you've just wasted five minutes of your life...they'll not take a blind bit of notice! "

but I am to nice not to try.. if it makes just one think.. and apply the common sense then I will feel better..

Katie. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you need to know the person if your playing kinky games and have Safewords you decide on before it all starts. I have used like traffic lights RED stop , YELLOW slow down, GREEN go. If into gagging have a safe action you can signal with like a small ball can hold and when dropped play must stop .... or a bell if not tied up .... you need to trust people if your into fetish playing over time you build a trust and it gets better and better.Its all about control and you need to trust that person you give that to . xx jo

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How did I forget safewords.. lol.. most likely because I dont use them now with my Master..

yet are always in place with playmates, even for just sexual stuff..

That word always halts whatever and I discuss it with Master.. although have to say never ever used it as yet..

I know some subs have a bell or a ball that they drop if gagged.. if thats dropped the Dom knows..

but its not so much the playing that bothers me.. its the total giving over of power to another person that you have no real knowledge of...

Some of these girls are giving up their choices of what to wear, what they do, who they see.. the instant on meeting a new dom..and that to me screams of issues.. and these are the girls that are more likely to end up being the bad stories we hear about where a woman was abused with bdsm being the cover up.

Katie x

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"its the total giving over of power to another person that you have no real knowledge of..."

How long does it take to get to know someone, a day / week / month / some say having been together for xxx years they still didn't really know the person.

"Some of these girls are giving up their choices of what to wear, what they do, who they see.. the instant on meeting a new dom..and that to me screams of issues.. and these are the girls that are more likely to end up being the bad stories we hear about where a woman was abused with bdsm being the cover up"

I get the impression you are deliberately choosing your words because you want the debate to head in a certain direction

99.9% of those into BDSM, know the difference between an abusive partner and a sexual fantasy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are certain sites for those into the bdsm scene, so I would personally be alarmed if people practised such things with random people from a swingers site.

Those sites are geared towards newbies, with important information, acronyms etc that may not be otherwise understood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are certain sites for those into the bdsm scene, so I would personally be alarmed if people practised such things with random people from a swingers site.

Those sites are geared towards newbies, with important information, acronyms etc that may not be otherwise understood."
people get bored with doing same old things and look for new things that turn them on mind and body ... you do get people here liking to add some other things to spice it all all a bit .. may not be for everyone .... some get off on the unknown .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, just saying that there are safer ways to go about it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yep, just saying that there are safer ways to go about it

There are but for some they dont even realise that there are subs and doms till coming on here.. so they see a man offering and think.. oh I will try it.

Its amazing how many women I speak to via other places that there first dominant was no more than a man that had watched to much porn.

Katie. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yep, just saying that there are safer ways to go about it

There are but for some they dont even realise that there are subs and doms till coming on here.. so they see a man offering and think.. oh I will try it.

Its amazing how many women I speak to via other places that there first dominant was no more than a man that had watched to much porn.

Katie. x"
i love playing kinky submissive games and love living out my fantasies in real life with friends AND SO far never come across no one nasty ... I can swich so i can take it too x Just been all fun xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think some people get "role play" fantasy mixed up with BDSM. Neither I nor my subs would have got anything out of it sexually if it was just a little "tie and tease".

I've never used safe words either - I knew my playmates, knew their boundaries and knew they wanted to push them...and boy did we!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"To those not into this I apologise.. but something I didnt know where else to put this.. but it is because of women contacting me via Fab....

Katie. x"

Now obviously you can start threads anytime you like, but maybe mail them back in your mailbox if you wanted to answer them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Now obviously you can start threads anytime you like, but maybe mail them back in your mailbox if you wanted to answer them.

I have done..but they are just the people that contact me..what about those that are just doing it.. If these women had asked me BEFORE I would have given this advice..

Katie.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

So a question?

Before I ask the question, I must say for me, to do any Dom or sub play I would have to be in a relationship with someone I trusted.

But......what timescale do you think people should go fully sub? And a second question of......why do you think there should be a timescale if they are happy doing what they are doing?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Now obviously you can start threads anytime you like, but maybe mail them back in your mailbox if you wanted to answer them.

I have done..but they are just the people that contact me..what about those that are just doing it.. If these women had asked me BEFORE I would have given this advice..

Katie."

It is like everything on here, you can type your advice but unless people want to read it and take it in they won't...plus only a small percentage read the forums.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So a question?

Before I ask the question, I must say for me, to do any Dom or sub play I would have to be in a relationship with someone I trusted.

But......what timescale do you think people should go fully sub? And a second question of......why do you think there should be a timescale if they are happy doing what they are doing?"

I am talking people that meet straight away for bdsm fun..

and I am shocked after the fuss you make in other posts about what people do in bdsm relationships that you are actually asking that to be fair.

Its just common sense as those of us in this lifestyle have already said..

I mean.. you read all the threads on swinging common sense and the same is said there.. these are single women, and meeting men in hotel rooms or houses for a tie up and rough time.. Makes sense to get to know them first..

Katie. x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

[Removed by poster at 26/04/11 17:08:12]

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"So a question?

Before I ask the question, I must say for me, to do any Dom or sub play I would have to be in a relationship with someone I trusted.

But......what timescale do you think people should go fully sub? And a second question of......why do you think there should be a timescale if they are happy doing what they are doing?

I am talking people that meet straight away for bdsm fun..

and I am shocked after the fuss you make in other posts about what people do in bdsm relationships that you are actually asking that to be fair.

Its just common sense as those of us in this lifestyle have already said..

Katie. x"

Er hang on a minute.......I am asking you the question, I was NOT giving my view of my questions ( other than it wouldn't be for me unless I was in a relationship

If you think me asking you questions is "making a fuss" on other theads then I will leave you to it as you obviously only want answers that agree with you.

As you have been personal on this post, then I will be personal also......stop being so defensive, it was a question to attract debate.

If you don't want others to debate your thread and only answer what you think they should, then I suggest you don't post on a public forum for all to see.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I didnt really ask a question.. it was more a general advice thing..

And I do not think that something that takes the trust that allowing someone to totally own your body if only for a short while should be taken on a first meeting.

Its common sense.. and that was all my original post was about..

Katie. x

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"99.9% of those into BDSM, know the difference between an abusive partner and a sexual fantasy. "

I think that is the point of the OP. Those that are into BDSM know the rules, know that they are submitting for the right reasons (THEIR reasons)

All the OP is doing is trying to highlight some common sense steps to those considering trying BDSM for the first time with someone they have only known for a short time online.

It's a big step to allow someone that level of control and it is so easy for some.people to het in over their head before they know it.

Of course as rugby has said, people will only read and take away from this what they want but if no one posts things like this then no one will have the opportunity to learn from peoples life experience. There are hundreds of threads offering advice on the rules of swinging so why nor highlight Sone for BDSM?

I know this is a swinging site but there are lots of people on this site interested in BDSM so for me this thread is a great one

Well done Katie x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I didnt really ask a question.. it was more a general advice thing..

Katie. x"

I didn't suggest you had asked a question......maybe try reading my post, it will help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had two ladies submit to me completely and in both occations, it was NOT through a swinging site and it took many months before I wouild do anything with them giving them many chances to change their minds.

In fact I ask again before each session. We always have a safe word/action and if that is used, play stops straight away.

I have never had any trouble from any of this and some of the ladies have had their backsides whipped until they are black and blue! Far more then I would like!!

All sessions are finished with love and kindness and hugs.

As a man I would love to meet some young single ladies for fun,(hey I can dream can't I lol) but If ever I was lucky enough to have a lady contact me like that, I would not want to meet them alone and would always make sure it is really what they wanted.

Alan

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/04/11 17:21:21]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I didnt really ask a question.. it was more a general advice thing..

Katie. x

I didn't suggest you had asked a question......maybe try reading my post, it will help.

My answer is still the same.. I was just giving a general common sense view.. now if these women had come to me from any of the bdsm sites I would have posted it on there..but to be fair the common sense posts are posted all over there..

It was simply advice.. which has been echoed by others on here..

I read your posts perfectly and understood them.

Katie.x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Then I will say again as I have said on other "advice" threads.

The people who have any nouse will feel patronised by advice threads, the people who have no nouse probably wouldn't be reading them anyway.

Even advice threads can be commented on by others, wether you want them to or not btw....but I will refrain from now on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes some wont listen.. but what if one person does.. isnt that worth one little bit of advice..

We all know someone that had just a meet that went wrong..

Katie.x

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Speaking personally from a single girl interested in the scene I scoured these forums (once I found them lol) for advice on how to go about things etc

You are right rugby that only a relatively small about of users use the forums but I am sure if it only makes one person think then that is a good thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i read the thread and got bloody distracted by the to and fro stuff.. It started well enough though... fascinating stuff.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

An excellent post Katie, i have one piece of advice,be it swinging or BDSM.Don't leave your common sense at the door just because you are excited.

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