FabSwingers.com forum: Would you?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

An ex boyfriend of mine is not a nice person. He belittled me in the short time we dated, he cheated and lied and the relationship ended. I moved on but stayed in contact for some unknown reason.

Since then he has cheated on every woman he has been with. Most recently he has done something unforgivable. He has broken up a young family. He started seeing his best friends girlfriend and the mother of his very young baby behind his back. For some reason he chose to confide in me about this.

He says he loves this girl (just like he loved me and all the others) yet he joined fab behind her back and continued to hassle me sexually. She saw a message on his phone and he made me insist it was an error and then blocked me.

I've well and truly had enough. I have all the screen shots on my phone. All his dirty little secrets. His best friend doesn't know, his 'girlfriend' doesn't know. So... What would you do? Would you hit send? How would your moral compass lay with this?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Send what to whom and for what purpose? Who will it help?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he's such a scumbag, wouldn't it be easier to cut yourself from his life to rid yourself of the dramas?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Send what to whom and for what purpose? Who will it help? "

To his girlfriend. She is a very young mother. As a single parent myself I hate the idea of her unwittingly staying with this arse. I would want to know rather than allow my child develop a bond with someone that was a serial liar and cheater. Only to find out later down the line.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

"If he's such a scumbag, wouldn't it be easier to cut yourself from his life to rid yourself of the dramas?

I agree. Block him, cut off contact and if he threatens you, go to the police. This guy is not worth the hassle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If he's such a scumbag, wouldn't it be easier to cut yourself from his life to rid yourself of the dramas?

There is that option. Which is why I posted. Would you do that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dump him dump the messages and move on. Do not get involved no one will thank you for all the hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If he's such a scumbag, wouldn't it be easier to cut yourself from his life to rid yourself of the dramas?

There is that option. Which is why I posted. Would you do that? "

Absolutely I would. Life is full of enough dramas that you can create for yourself without suffering because of others dramas.

Cut yourself out of his life completely. Sever all communication ties. Delete numbers, emails, messenger bits n bobs, faceache, Twitter, etc.

Make a clean getaway from him. Let his problems, stay his problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She needs to find out in her own time . If you say something he can just spin it that you're a bitter ex etc . Delete , block and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If he's such a scumbag, wouldn't it be easier to cut yourself from his life to rid yourself of the dramas?

There is that option. Which is why I posted. Would you do that? "

I'd have done that a long time ago...what on earth do you get out of maintaining any kind of relationship with someone clearly so toxic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd cut him out of your life , he doesn't sound like he adds anything to it. Sometimes if you get involved , the other person doesn't want to hear it and you end up being blamed. People need a scape goat when they're hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope I would just cut him out of my life - nothing can be achieved from sending it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally wouldn't get any further involved. These things have a nasty habit of coming back to bite you

Kinky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems to me that you are looking to justify punishing him for what he did to you.

This guy may be a complete scumbag, but it is not just him that is going to get hurt here and there is potential to destroy another relationship also.

True, the young girl may be cheating on the father of her kid, but you don't go into detail on her actual circumstances, so it's hard to judge that part.

All in all, I would agree with the suggestion that you sever all ties, wall away and stop living in the past. Don't get involved and go live your own life.

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

I had one of these in my life at one point. They never change and you are best staying out of it. My ex randomly gets in touch and I think - yes, we could be friends - then shows his true colours again and I remember why I cut him out of my life.

I just pity anyone involved with these sort of people. They'll learn one day too, but people have to learn the hard way for lessons to sink in, it took me years to see it in its full glory no matter what friends told me.

You'd probably just be seen as interfering whether you have proof or not.

Life your own life lovely and be glad you are rid x

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

Doing something like that would make you look bitter! Just move on and end all contact with him. He will trip himself up eventually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been in a similar situation.

Belittled and mentally abused.

When he met his new partner they both put me through hell.

I've had various messages over the years from people that know us both, that he's claiming to be single on dating and sites like this (he's on here now) I have kindly told them I'm not interested. As we are no longer together it's none of my business what he does behind anyone else's back.

One day she will find out for herself. In the meantime it's best to stay out of it, no matter what he put you through, he's now out of your life! So let him ruin his own.

If you hold on to the past, it will make you bitter. Then he would have won as he still has that hold over you.

Take the upper hand and let him make his mistakes. . If he wants to confide in you fair enough, but keep a distance about getting involved. She may be very young, but it's these lessons in life that make us into the people we later become.

If I hadn't of gone through what I did with my ex, I wouldn't be the strong woman I am today.

Move on, lifes far too short to worry about other people's mistakes.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

In order to save someone you don't know well some drama you will bring a lot of drama into the life of someone you do know well... You!!

Is it worth it? I'd cut & run but would feel a bit involved as i'd lied for him, how you now deal with that i'm not so sure.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

She chose to cheat with your ex who you say is her fellas best friend, so presumably she know something of his history, after all he possibly boasted to his mate about the other women he has shagged. So there is a good chance she knows what she is getting into, and it is her choice to cheat so she can't really complain when he fucks others behind her back.

Cut him from your life, walk away and don't look back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm him confiding in you your feeding his ego.....get him to fuck out his life and end all ties. ...with the contact and keeping a the stuff on your phone it sounds like your thriving in it also x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Seems to me that you are looking to justify punishing him for what he did to you.

This guy may be a complete scumbag, but it is not just him that is going to get hurt here and there is potential to destroy another relationship also.

True, the young girl may be cheating on the father of her kid, but you don't go into detail on her actual circumstances, so it's hard to judge that part.

All in all, I would agree with the suggestion that you sever all ties, wall away and stop living in the past. Don't get involved and go live your own life. "

She left the father of her child for him but had no knowledge the goings on.

I think there's probably an element that I see a younger version of myself in her. But then I suppose it's not my job to protect her. I have my own little girl to worry about.

I can't deny there isn't a part of me that would like to see him punished for all the hurt he's caused but as others say to what end. I am only human.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for your input ladies (I don't think any men posted). A problem shared is a problem halved as they say!

I don't think I will delete the messages as a couple of people mentioned. Just incase I receive any accusational messages in the future. At least I have evidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for your input ladies (I don't think any men posted). A problem shared is a problem halved as they say!

I don't think I will delete the messages as a couple of people mentioned. Just incase I receive any accusational messages in the future. At least I have evidence. "

There was one mans opinion

Mine

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"If he's such a scumbag, wouldn't it be easier to cut yourself from his life to rid yourself of the dramas?

why waste your time with somebody who is like that....strange behaviour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No good deed ever goes unpunished I'm afraid. I would be the same as you and want to save the other lady from some pain but honestly, she won't be ready to hear it unless things are already bad in her situation. People need to be allowed to make their own mistakes in order to grow from them.

Not your circus, not your monkeys x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If he's such a scumbag, wouldn't it be easier to cut yourself from his life to rid yourself of the dramas?

why waste your time with somebody who is like that....strange behaviour

Because he was well hung and we were sexually compatible. I kept in contact with him because I would have entertained the idea of him being part of a MMF. However the lastest saga has pushed things too far. My opinion of him was never terribly high but I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks for your input ladies (I don't think any men posted). A problem shared is a problem halved as they say!

I don't think I will delete the messages as a couple of people mentioned. Just incase I receive any accusational messages in the future. At least I have evidence.

There was one mans opinion

Mine"

Hee hee, thanks! It's always confusing with couples profiles. Nice to have male input too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No good deed ever goes unpunished I'm afraid. I would be the same as you and want to save the other lady from some pain but honestly, she won't be ready to hear it unless things are already bad in her situation. People need to be allowed to make their own mistakes in order to grow from them.

Not your circus, not your monkeys x"

That's true! She's young and hopefully if everything does come out of the wood work she'll bounce back and have the resources to continue being a good mum. (I'm making an assumption but I think most people set out to be good parents).

She is such a beautiful young girl and I hope she's not with him because of a lack of self esteem. Oh well! As people say... It's not my problem to worry about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama. "

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him. "

I'd also question why you think the girl has no responsibility for any of this? If she's chosen to leave the father of her baby for this bloke - that's her decision and she is responsible for breaking up that family, because she has chosen to leave. Got to say I don't think either of them sound worth worrying about.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Yup invite more drama

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him. "

Yet your still talking about him on here....stop thriving in the drama and move on x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/09/16 11:28:40]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him.

Because I think when you become a new mum at a young age you are quite vulnerable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him.

Because I think when you become a new mum at a young age you are quite vulnerable. "

If you're old enough to create a life with someone you're old enough to accept responsibility for your actions. If she's had her head turned by another man to go so far as leaving her partner for him, after they've just had a baby together, that's on her. Whether he's a shit or not is almost irrelevant. No sympathy for any of them, it's a Jeremy Kyle special in the making.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him.

Yet your still talking about him on here....stop thriving in the drama and move on x"

I'm sounding things out on here, in part to stop them whirring around in my head. I certainly wouldn't be the first person to have done that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him.

Yet your still talking about him on here....stop thriving in the drama and move on x

I'm sounding things out on here, in part to stop them whirring around in my head. I certainly wouldn't be the first person to have done that.

No you aren't....I just don't think your doing yourself any favours....life's too short to spend time on arseholes and people who don't make your life better...all the best with everything x

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

"An ex boyfriend of mine is not a nice person. He belittled me in the short time we dated, he cheated and lied and the relationship ended. I moved on but stayed in contact for some unknown reason.

Ok he is scum but she was in a realationship and chose have an affair with him, they are both as bad as each other.

You also have not come out of this smelling of roses.

To us everyone involved has to carry some blame

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By *imon and saffyCouple
over a year ago

southampton

Save the stuff you have as a long term insurance policy. You'll hopefully never need it but it's handy to have.

Then step away, close off all contact, life is too short to waste time on him. You don't need the level of grief sending will create.

Simon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would personally stay out of it. The truth will come out sooner rather than later, and it is best not to involve yourself in it. While it is his fault completely, the 'girlfriend' could be one of those psychos who will put all the blame onto you instead of him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him.

Why do women so often blame other women? I don't understand! The woman is always the victim and the man is always the criminal. Sorry, but that's just the laws of nature! It's simple human fact! Get over it and stop blaming the woman when she's clearly been coerced by a lying manipulative bastard!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him.

Get over what? I blame the person who the one is in the relationship, whether that's a male or a female. And I'm a woman but I'm nobody's victim, thank you very much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't still be in contact with him, never mind considering involving myself in his current drama.

I have questioned that myself. I am not currently in contact with him.

What sexist crap

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"Thanks for your input ladies (I don't think any men posted). A problem shared is a problem halved as they say!

I don't think I will delete the messages as a couple of people mentioned. Just incase I receive any accusational messages in the future. At least I have evidence.

There was one mans opinion

Mine"

Oi!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he as appalling as you describe and messed you about, why were you even still in contact with him? Step away from the drama and leave them all to it. If he's hassling you on fab, report and block him.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have nothing more to do with him or her, why would you want to get anymore involved than you already have been, utter madness imo.

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By *asyukMan
over a year ago

West London

Who will feel better after she has been told about this?

Only you I'm afraid I'm OP.

If you did this then it would be a selfish act, whatever the justification. I get the feeling that you know this instinctively but there's a small part of you, as there is in everyone, that's hoping that someone will give you permission to visit vengeance upon him...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not meaning to sound overly harsh but take some responsibility for your decision to allow him into your life and then to keep in contact with him.

There are over 7 billion people in the world, some of them are inevitably going to be assholes. It's much easier to learn to protect yourself than the be a victim demanding retrospective justice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

O.K

Lots of issues here. I have not read all the posts on this thread.

I would simply write him a letter saying how his behavour is making you feel (you don't have to send it). You can't fix his problems.

You have to ask yourself if being in contact with him is doing you any favours in your own life. If it is making you feel bad you might want to cease contact with him (block him on all devices).

I think you would be better off cutting this guy out of your life, but there's so much you have not told us and so many feelings involved only you can make that decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/09/16 12:42:05]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"O.K shop the fucker he will never learn

Lots of issues here. I have not read all the posts on this thread.

I would simply write him a letter saying how his behavour is making you feel (you don't have to send it). You can't fix his problems.

You have to ask yourself if being in contact with him is doing you any favours in your own life. If it is making you feel bad you might want to cease contact with him (block him on all devices).

I think you would be better off cutting this guy out of your life, but there's so much you have not told us and so many feelings involved only you can make that decision."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when you've been abused part of your healing is trying to protect others from being harmed in the same way you were.

i would put all the pics/proof into the public domain, on any free site that can be googled easily. under a name that can be identified with him (his usual internet user name is perfect for this if he has one).

one day things will stop making sense to her and she'll know he's a shady cunt and start googling for help with things and probably come across all your evidence at a time when she's ready to believe it.

fuck over shady bastards every time, they need exposing for what they are. but do it in a way where you won't get any shit for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd just send the A Team round

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