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BDSM vs Swinging

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK

Met. BDSM domme.couple this week. Interesting chatting to her about differences between BDSM and swinging. She and her partner had been into BDSM but now wanted to branch out into Hotwife play. Never knew much about BDSM -play. She was domme and her partner was sub. Though they had BDSM played with others, there was never any penetrative sex - all about power, restraints, pain etc. All in the mind. We both laughed when she said swingers were "mindless shaggers". Having said that - she and her hubby wanted to do the whole Hotwife/cuck scenario. She seemed very happy with the shagging that occurred!

But made me think about the difference between swinging and BDSM

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby

Gf loves pain and control been to loads of clubs and fairs but not so much into swinging so I am free to play as this is more my scene. I think bdsm is more mind, the build up and sensations. Nudists can be very separate and its always good to be aware of their space.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some from both sides think their way is 'best'. Amuses me how elitist yet similar they are.

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby

Yes, agree. What's wrong with celebrating pleasure and having fun. Explore and enjoy.

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By *ayandess1Couple
over a year ago

bridgwater

We have our feet planted firmly in both scenes. And I can tell you from experience that swinging is a lot more open to bdsm than bdsm is to swinging.

A couplease of years ago there wasn't much of a gap. Swingers thought that bdsm was scary and weird. But not so much now.

I can tell you that most of the people I know in the fetish community also have profiles here.

Not because they swung and got kinky. It's usually because generally fetish players get kinky and then as they learn more and it gets more sexual, they find the restriction's in the bdsm community restrict what they can do, so they branch into this one.

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"We have our feet planted firmly in both scenes. And I can tell you from experience that swinging is a lot more open to bdsm than bdsm is to swinging.

A couplease of years ago there wasn't much of a gap. Swingers thought that bdsm was scary and weird. But not so much now.

I can tell you that most of the people I know in the fetish community also have profiles here.

Not because they swung and got kinky. It's usually because generally fetish players get kinky and then as they learn more and it gets more sexual, they find the restriction's in the bdsm community restrict what they can do, so they branch into this one.

"

Yes - it's interesting what you say. I had assumed the BDSM was sex with "pain" etc. But of course, it's very, very different. Often the "sex" is in the mind. And physical sex is not the main thing. My new friends wanted to branch out into Hotwife play as part of their exploration.

Was very interesting being with a Domme lady. Very erotic indeed. She knew exactly what to say and how to make the whole situation much more sexually charged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For them the bdsm didn't involve much actual sex but for others sex is very much a part of it.

Much like swinging..bdsm is so varied and no real right or wrong way..( except with the sane.. safe and consensual)

Bdsm and swinging can go hand in hand but many on both sides have some pretty odd ideas about how the other is.

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By *ayandess1Couple
over a year ago

bridgwater

An experienced dom or domme in this scene has one amazing talent. The ability to control a session.

That one skill can take a meet that is awkward and needs copious amounts of booze to get started into an easy fun meet that flows well and makes everyone happy.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

i totally blur the boundaries..i dont do non sexual BDSM, so im not a traditionalist. i find swinging not fully satisfying without BDSM, so if playing with my Dom, i play sub in swingers clubs or at fet events, where full sex is allowed..this is perfect combo for me x

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"For them the bdsm didn't involve much actual sex but for others sex is very much a part of it.

Much like swinging..bdsm is so varied and no real right or wrong way..( except with the sane.. safe and consensual)

Bdsm and swinging can go hand in hand but many on both sides have some pretty odd ideas about how the other is. "

Yes - I agree - I never thought much about BDSM but assumed it was "sex with whips". And hence "odd". Now I realise it's a totally different thing. And very varied.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I'd agree that they are similar, but different. Neither one is better as people are looking for different things.

However the etiquette is very different so misunderstanding can occur;)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think BDSM can be deeper than swinging, there can be more mental stimulation going on with BDSM.

Although both have shallow elements to them, especially more so when anything online is involved allowing people to easy access.

I think your friend is thinking about being a mindless shagger? Tell her she probably has a good chance of being able to do that but most swingers aren't up for fucking anything.

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"An experienced dom or domme in this scene has one amazing talent. The ability to control a session.

That one skill can take a meet that is awkward and needs copious amounts of booze to get started into an easy fun meet that flows well and makes everyone happy. "

Yes - the domme was amazing. Was very powerful personality when in role! From the moment I met her and what she said - I was immediately aroused. We met in bland hotel lobby - but what she said got me very aroused. And then she had her sub/cuck drive us around. As you said, a swing meet can be awkward at first. Whereas a domme takes charge straight away

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"I'd agree that they are similar, but different. Neither one is better as people are looking for different things.

However the etiquette is very different so misunderstanding can occur;)"

Agreed - it's a very different world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I encorparate the two together.

I mostly look for people that are interested in Bdsm or that have specific kinks that I have too.

My most recent meeting was just that.

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby

The 'blur' is interesting. Last year at a Fetish Fair saw a brilliant informative workshop on fisting - technique and the do's and don'ts with great funny Doms. Me and my gf loved it as it had loads of cross over. Get yourself along to a fetish fair they are the best and so friendly and the clothes are so to speak fab

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By *ayandess1Couple
over a year ago

bridgwater


"I encorparate the two together.

I mostly look for people that are interested in Bdsm or that have specific kinks that I have too.

My most recent meeting was just that. "

This

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"The 'blur' is interesting. Last year at a Fetish Fair saw a brilliant informative workshop on fisting - technique and the do's and don'ts with great funny Doms. Me and my gf loved it as it had loads of cross over. Get yourself along to a fetish fair they are the best and so friendly and the clothes are so to speak fab "

YEs - it was how I met them - at sex fair - which is basically a fetish fair. Made me realise that there is are big differences - but also people who do both

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"I encorparate the two together.

I mostly look for people that are interested in Bdsm or that have specific kinks that I have too.

My most recent meeting was just that. "

Good for you!

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby

I love the small stalls selling lovely well made clothes at reaonable prices and the so inventive play equipment that sometime I am non plus what it is. Tend to go to the fairs advertised on the scene sites by word of 'trip adviser'

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"I love the small stalls selling lovely well made clothes at reaonable prices and the so inventive play equipment that sometime I am non plus what it is. Tend to go to the fairs advertised on the scene sites by word of 'trip adviser' "

You make a good point - I went to my first sex fair recently. Had a great time Wonderful to see so many people dressed up in latex/rubber etc. And so uninhibited. That's when I started thinking about the differences between BDSM and swinging

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby

My gf also most came at the first fair we went to with the smell of the clothes and rope play artist. Great sex afterwards with her mind racing.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol


"I encorparate the two together.

I mostly look for people that are interested in Bdsm or that have specific kinks that I have too.

My most recent meeting was just that. "

Yes, that's the same for us.

Not to say that we won't have meets that don't have a BDSM element, but those meets that do certainly seem a lot wilder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The 'blur' is interesting. Last year at a Fetish Fair saw a brilliant informative workshop on fisting - technique and the do's and don'ts with great funny Doms. Me and my gf loved it as it had loads of cross over. Get yourself along to a fetish fair they are the best and so friendly and the clothes are so to speak fab "

Fetish fair... where would I find one of these?

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol


"The 'blur' is interesting. Last year at a Fetish Fair saw a brilliant informative workshop on fisting - technique and the do's and don'ts with great funny Doms. Me and my gf loved it as it had loads of cross over. Get yourself along to a fetish fair they are the best and so friendly and the clothes are so to speak fab

Fetish fair... where would I find one of these?"

They tend to happen around fetish nights, don't they? There is a regular one in Bristol in the afternoon before the fetish night, but we've never been and I can't remember what it's called.

Hope that was helpful!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The 'blur' is interesting. Last year at a Fetish Fair saw a brilliant informative workshop on fisting - technique and the do's and don'ts with great funny Doms. Me and my gf loved it as it had loads of cross over. Get yourself along to a fetish fair they are the best and so friendly and the clothes are so to speak fab

Fetish fair... where would I find one of these?

They tend to happen around fetish nights, don't they? There is a regular one in Bristol in the afternoon before the fetish night, but we've never been and I can't remember what it's called.

Hope that was helpful! "

Thanks, that's great. x

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby

London Alternative Market is the one we go to as well as the Brum one and is this Sunday in central London and is great with a party afterwards.

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By *uniperjuiceMan
over a year ago

East Midlands

An interesting and well-informed thread.

The BBB (Birmingham Bizarre Bazarre) is a great monthly event run by BDSM/kink folk but completely accessible and enjoyable for anyone open minded.

Some BDSM practitioners are strictly or largely non-sexual (or rather they see BDSM as sexual but don't get involved in traditional penetrative acts). Others see BDSM as a kind of foreplay. and most are somewhere in between.

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"London Alternative Market is the one we go to as well as the Brum one and is this Sunday in central London and is great with a party afterwards. "

Is the alternative market every Sunday?

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby


"London Alternative Market is the one we go to as well as the Brum one and is this Sunday in central London and is great with a party afterwards.

Is the alternative market every Sunday?"

No its monthly - they are also part of the large London Fetish Weekend on the 1st October.

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"London Alternative Market is the one we go to as well as the Brum one and is this Sunday in central London and is great with a party afterwards.

Is the alternative market every Sunday?

No its monthly - they are also part of the large London Fetish Weekend on the 1st October."

Interesting!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I promised myself l would not contribute to another bdsm thread.

There are a lot of stereotypes about kink some accurate some false. Different people want different things. I think swingers tend to come to kink as an opportunity for sex. To me nudity and sex in all its variations alone is not kinky. Sex and nudity are 'normal desires'. Kink adds an additional ingredient that is not quite mainstream.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We prefer sorting BDSM type meets than swinging ones, the big difference for us is BDSM type meets can contain virtually no physical contact or sex and people are still getting off, with swinging meets there has to be sex for people to get off on it.

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By *all and ChainWoman
over a year ago

Truro

Meh...

BDSM (historically) cast a wide net (there are four different terms in there) for several reasons.

1/ Bondage only was a fine filter, bit like being the only homosexual in the village.

2/ including the other three scenes in the net cast the net wider, and of course a significant proportion of the people did not stick to one scene, they drifted depending on mood or they did fusion.

3/ You can make a good analogy with pubs, BDSM being one chain, say weatherspoons, and swinging being another, say Bass, only a small proportion of people would only drink in a bass house, only a small proportion would limit alcohol consumption to a half of shandy, and so on.

Nowadays most pubs are themed (one way or another), and most punters choose the pub according to how they feel on the day, the old days of Fred walking past the royal oak and the white hart and the red lion every day for 30 years to drink exclusively at the plume of feathers are long gone, because pretty much that sort of exclusive punter has gone.

People trying to classify what BDSM'ers are or what swingers are... like nailing jelly to a wall.

Speaking of pubs, our local kinksters have their munch in one of the worst (huge queues expensive drinks shoddy service) pubs around here, but, it does allow for some sort of anonymity for all that, but like Fred above, despite it being the closest pub to us, I won't step in the door, so we can't attend the local kinsters munch, I'll walk past to one of the other pubs that serve brown ale and have a winter trade when all the tourists and students have gone home...

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By *hocolateRod OP   Man
over a year ago

London and over UK


"We prefer sorting BDSM type meets than swinging ones, the big difference for us is BDSM type meets can contain virtually no physical contact or sex and people are still getting off, with swinging meets there has to be sex for people to get off on it.

"

Yes - that is a good way of putting it. It never occurred to me that people could get off on BDSM with no sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We have our feet planted firmly in both scenes. And I can tell you from experience that swinging is a lot more open to bdsm than bdsm is to swinging.

A couplease of years ago there wasn't much of a gap. Swingers thought that bdsm was scary and weird. But not so much now.

I can tell you that most of the people I know in the fetish community also have profiles here.

Not because they swung and got kinky. It's usually because generally fetish players get kinky and then as they learn more and it gets more sexual, they find the restriction's in the bdsm community restrict what they can do, so they branch into this one.

"

Yes, I find this. I was a swinger first but love me full fet Domme side. However at clubs, they keep them selves very much to themselves. I suppose they have over time built their relationship and trust ect. So to have someone just come stomping won't work.

As I said I'm very Domme and have had many great sessions with swingers on here.

I also have a "Daddy Dom" NO- not aged play a more caring and nurturing type of Dom. We have been developing our play over the last 18 months now.I cannot be subbed by any one and any fool that try s during a play soon finds out. It's taken me a long time to hand over this power, as I'm very naturally a Alpha female.

I would love it more if there were more fetish swingers out there.

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