FabSwingers.com forum: She wants to be my submissive

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A lady friend wants to be a "good submissive" for me but I'm not totally understanding what that means exactly, never read 50 Shades. Any advice?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dont bother reading 50 shades

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you have to ask on here then its not for you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"if you have to ask on here then its not for you"

Why isn't it? I'm open to try new things.

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By *ilthyjackcoupleCouple
over a year ago

Swansea

She needs to find herself a Dom she trusts. If you're asking this question then I very much doubt that it's you.

Being in a Ds relationship is about so much more than someone saying that they want you to dominate them. It takes time to build trust together, and to give yourself to someone is a huge thing, as is being owned.

By all means take control in the bedroom, but don't confuse that with a Ds relationship.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"if you have to ask on here then its not for you

Why isn't it? I'm open to try new things. "

If what she said is lost on you then sadly you may not be the right sort of guy for her .

Sorry for saying that OP but if the fun she's after is not in your sexual make up your not going to be able to deliver a sexual experience you will enjoy let alone her .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She needs to find herself a Dom she trusts. If you're asking this question then I very much doubt that it's you.

By all means take control in the bedroom, but don't confuse that with a Ds relationship.

H."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you have to ask on here then its not for you

Why isn't it? I'm open to try new things.

If what she said is lost on you then sadly you may not be the right sort of guy for her .

Sorry for saying that OP but if the fun she's after is not in your sexual make up your not going to be able to deliver a sexual experience you will enjoy let alone her ."

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

An amazing amount of spectacular conclusion jumping going on in already this thread!

No-one has mentioned being in DS relationships, no-one has mentioned being owned, and the unsuitability of the OP's sexual make-up is somehow visible for all to see!

Read up on the internet first on the enormous spectrum of what being a 'good submissive' might mean, and see if you're interested in that sort of play first. If you want to take it from there, Wiseman's SM101 is a good book to read.

But the best advice you can probably be given is be open-minded!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you have to ask on here then its not for you"

I agree!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well I might have known those would happen, ask for advise and get told what I'm asking isn't for me. Everyone had to start somewhere.

Thanks for the genuine suggestions, those who said its not for me and my friend thanks for nothing.

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By *otpecsandtheminxCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

Maybe try a fetish club and watch other couples interacting, so you can get some ideas and see whether it turns you on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rule number 1 : A good master only shave his left testicle

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"A lady friend wants to be a "good submissive" for me but I'm not totally understanding what that means exactly, never read 50 Shades. Any advice?"

My advice would be to sit down with her and find out what she feels a good submissive is, if you feel its the kind of thing that you would enjoy and take it from there. Try some erotic novels have a look on Amazon for them, have a look at some of the stories written on various web sites, discuss fantasies etc. There isn't a set way of going about this kind of thing only the way that's right for the two of you, the things to bear in mind are respect for each other and communication.

We stopped asking other people for advice long ago because although one or two were happy to chat and be helpful loads were exclusive and arrogant in their responses so we decided to find our own way.

Good luck to the two of you, I hope you both find what you're after.

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By *alacious RedWoman
over a year ago

croydon

Rule 2 he has an eyeball painted on the right testical

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Communication is key, that and research. Suggest you take it slowly and build into the relationship as you learn. Have fun OP

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

The first thing to do is to find out what her version of being a submissive is.

There really isn't a hard and fast rule about submission.

Best to make sure she doesn't mean she needs a man to look after her

Enjoy x

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"She needs to find herself a Dom she trusts. If you're asking this question then I very much doubt that it's you.

By all means take control in the bedroom, but don't confuse that with a Ds relationship.

H."

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"if you have to ask on here then its not for you

Why isn't it? I'm open to try new things.

If what she said is lost on you then sadly you may not be the right sort of guy for her .

Sorry for saying that OP but if the fun she's after is not in your sexual make up your not going to be able to deliver a sexual experience you will enjoy let alone her ."

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Well I might have known those would happen, ask for advise and get told what I'm asking isn't for me. Everyone had to start somewhere.

Thanks for the genuine suggestions, those who said its not for me and my friend thanks for nothing. "
you will always get the experts when such questions are asked who think they where born knowing everything. Take no notice of them and concentrate on the good advice given. You may find it most definetly is you and you become a natural.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She needs to find herself a Dom she trusts. If you're asking this question then I very much doubt that it's you.

By all means take control in the bedroom, but don't confuse that with a Ds relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dont bother reading 50 shades

The obvious best advice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most of the people on here who are telling you its not for you presumably started somewhere with no experience , pity they couldnt give you the advice you sought as opposed to playing the "youll never be like us " card

Dive in and enjoy . Cant give any advice ourselves dont get that scene at all

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By *herbert fountainWoman
over a year ago

Hanley

Definitely don't read 50 shades. But do lots of research. Start off slowly and always keep safety in mind. And most importantly discuss together likes, dislikes and limits. You won't know what her expectations are of being a sub unless she tells you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dont bother reading 50 shades

The obvious best advice!"

yes - im not into the d/s scene as such but chatted to enough folk about it to know the book barely scratches the surface

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Most of the people on here who are telling you its not for you presumably started somewhere with no experience , pity they couldnt give you the advice you sought as opposed to playing the "youll never be like us " card

Dive in and enjoy . Cant give any advice ourselves dont get that scene at all"
they amuse me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are sub/Dom and I thoroughly enjoy the bdsm side of our relationship.

I'm naturally submissive and G is very dominant so we are well matched.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

May I suggest you try After Dark or Embargo, both fetish events at Liberty Elite. No membership required and the folk there are more than willing to chat to you and you can watch the interactions between couples. It's a very inclusive atmosphere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OP some lovely advice from helpful people have fun on your journey

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for the more positive suggestions guys, really cheered me up after some of he negatives.

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

"Well I might have known those would happen, ask for advise and get told what I'm asking isn't for me. Everyone had to start somewhere.

Thanks for the genuine suggestions, those who said its not for me and my friend thanks for nothing. you will always get the experts when such questions are asked who think they where born knowing everything. Take no notice of them and concentrate on the good advice given. You may find it most definetly is you and you become a natural. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She needs to find herself a Dom she trusts. If you're asking this question then I very much doubt that it's you.

By all means take control in the bedroom, but don't confuse that with a Ds relationship.

"
this is so so true the sub dom lifestyle is not one to be toyed with by the inexperienced time trust experience

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

Surely saying "No" is a good start. Then just ring her out of the blue in the middle of the night telling her to get her arse in gear would be next?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Build trust with her explore with her always play safe a doms control is mental physical emotional sensual add to that the equipment and some basic knowledge and you will grow together trust and communication

good luck and have fun too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"May I suggest you try After Dark or Embargo, both fetish events at Liberty Elite. No membership required and the folk there are more than willing to chat to you and you can watch the interactions between couples. It's a very inclusive atmosphere. "
both exelent venues

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go read as many bdsm websites as you can. Submissiveloving is a good beginner website

Being a Dominant isn't something that you can just go and do. Maybe she sees something in you that resonates with her. You could be a natural dominant.

Having a sub is a massive responsibility but it's the best feeling in the world. Educate yourself and see if it's something that you can be

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

Dive in and enjoy . Cant give any advice ourselves dont get that scene at all"

I can only speak for myself but yes I did start somewhere it was the day I lost my virginity .

I had heard how great it was from my older male friends how I would not last past about three minutes how the girl would be disappointed.

Imagine my surprise when I was left thinking is that it after my first time .

no orgasm for me lots of pleasure but ultimately a let down for me the young girl involved thought I was the bees knees because I lasted for ever and was very attentive to what she seemed to like .but for me it was all a case of is that it .

Studies has proven that something like a shoe fetish can come about when a baby boy gets a erection at a very early age and sees a pair of shoes this forms a link between the pleasure of a erection with the image of shoes .

Its easy to see where a lot of preferences come from when you realise such a thing is possible .

As for submissive and dominates I think its ether in you or its nit because that would explain my own experiences on the day I lost my virginity.

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