FabSwingers.com forum: do you tell someone they are not doing it right

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was thinking about this after another thread and to be fair a recent conversation..

I rarely let a meet play with me much as over the years ive found most guys and girls to be fair not all that great.. and would rather give than get because of it..

Was recently asked.. well don't you tell them... and i realised i may move their hands or say mmm that's nice if its something im enjoying.. but wouldnt actually say what im thinking..

Ive had guys so useless with their fingers that it has put me off for weeks... and oral.. well thats even more hit and miss..

so would you tell someone... ?

and guys and girls if someone said not like that.. try this.. would you take offence ?

For the record im happy to be advised if someone likes it differently but i will watch and listen to body language and moans

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't tell them.I just wouldn't meet again.

To be honest if someone is advertising themselves on here then you would expect them to be fairly clued up but,sadly not'..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

They're not clairvoyant and you have a tongue in your head! You're meeting strangers for sex if you don't give guidance/encouragement whose fault is that?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago

North Herts

If it were done in a "nice" way I'd have no problem with someone offering guidance as to their personal preference at all. Something I have struggled with since we started playing is knowing if what I'm doing or doing the things I do to Ms G, that I know work for her, work for others. Sure you sometimes get tell tale signs like little moans, or writhes etc, but it's not always clear if you're doing the right thing for the person concerned. Everyone is different after all, and not everyone likes things done the same way.

So if someone gently said to me "could you try this..." I'd not get hung up on it. In fact I've sometimes asked "is that ok?" just to make sure I'm on the right track.

Mr G

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I wouldn't tell them.I just wouldn't meet again.

To be honest if someone is advertising themselves on here then you would expect them to be fairly clued up but,sadly not'..

But it's not one size fits all is it? If you don't communicate how are you going to enjoy the experience?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Of course, it's a two way thing... if we all know what we like and don't, or if something could be done a bit better then where's the problem?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"They're not clairvoyant and you have a tongue in your head! You're meeting strangers for sex if you don't give guidance/encouragement whose fault is that?"
well id figure they would be adept enough to tell a wince from a mmm ... and as i said i do tell them if something is nice and move their fingers to where i like it but wouldnt say much more as "ffs your crap " may not go down very well

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do try to guide them a little. Slow them down a bit. Ask them to fuck me harder.

If they're sucking me and its crap I just pull away and give them it properly. If I manage to stop before they cum we can move onto fuckimg and my first line applies

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

" Everyone is different after all, and not everyone likes things done the same way.

So if someone gently said to me "could you try this..." I'd not get hung up on it. In fact I've sometimes asked "is that ok?" just to make sure I'm on the right track.

Exactly!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i tend to talk and ask if im giving but in the past guys have took serious offence when ive suggested they do something a different way.

so i mostly skip foreplay entirely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't usually tell them in words, I'd just move away and show them what I wanted instead. I'd be happy to be told what someone did and didn't like though.

It would depend on the situation as to whether I'd say something or not but I'd say it tactfully anyway.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i was meeting someone and i was doing something wrong or not doing "it" how they liked "it", i would like to be told...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

In vanilla, I'll direct and don't mind being directed, that way we both have a jolly good time.

Though I have kicked meets out for not taking subtle or direct hints. I want my fun too damn you!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely give direction. Getting direction far from being off putting can be a turn on too. Given what works for one woman probably doesn't work for another, direction is a good thing x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Definitely give direction. Getting direction far from being off putting can be a turn on too. Given what works for one woman probably doesn't work for another, direction is a good thing x"

Yeah tell them guide them and if its still not working then I'm not playing....

Thats my rule now having had an experience where I carried on playing even though I wasn't really enjoying it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i gently move a hand or finger to the right place and i do say no if im not liking something - fortunately not very often

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dventurousAlexMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

People are different. And some girls have entirely different buttons. I do watch their responses and adapt, but sometimes if time is limited you can't always find all their buttons.

So personally, I'm glad for any insights. I usually try to get as much right from the start of chatting to know even before we kiss what will work. But people going different... some girls don't like that and so you have to use every clue.

Good communication always makes things smoother.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

If I was with a lady and wasn't doing what she wanted, I'd want her to tell me so I could pleasure her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to chat lots before i meet and make it clear what i really get off on (or not as is the case with me). Only about 20% actually pay attention but this week I had a real treat. A guy who'd remembered all Id said... and delivered it *shivers of delight*

Im fed up being roughly handled because guys read in a mag how to make a woman squirt ! If Im asking them to back off a little or squirming out of their way its not great and doesnt tend to get a second meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (mike) would much prefer my playmates to say in a nice way. I've been told my orals pretty good but it just may not hit the spot.....tell me I'm not a one trick fits all lol

I did have one fem tell me I didn't play like her hubby did....I always thought that was the idea of playing.

Mike xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

If someone isn't quiet hitting the spot, I'd guide them by moving their hand or by touching myself to show them, what I like and where I want it.

If someone is doing something that I really don't like or want, then yes, I'd tell them but tactfully.

I'd prefer others to tell or guide me. Everyone is different and people aren't mind reader's.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't tell them.I just wouldn't meet again.

To be honest if someone is advertising themselves on here then you would expect them to be fairly clued up but,sadly not'..

Why would they be "clued up"? I would have no problem in telling someone how/what to change. There are some women on here particularly dreadful at giving a bj. If they have never been told or shown then how would they know?

Similarly I would have no problem with receiving instruction from a woman who liked or wanted something in particular.

I've been told by many women that my technique (particularly oral) is excellent [and yes...some ladies lie]. But this experience is well into three figures. However I am still willing to learn, and all women are different.

Verifications are not always something to go by either. I've had a number of booty calls from a friend, to "sort her out" after very frustrating meets with guys whose verifications boasted about how good they were. One lasted about 5 seconds from unzipping to making a mess....his verifications described him as a great stayer!! Loz called him Pandaman after the event.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abcouple11Couple
over a year ago

Truro

Agree with a lot of the previous comments. People are made differently - very sensitive of like a lot of vigorous stimulation, the most sensitive parts are different, clit G-spot A-spot breasts, etc, etc, etc.

The thing is though, it's actually a happy interaction, about what pleases and techniques which work. Guys in the main love to give pleasure. In group sex there's comparing techniques and learning - say if someone is producing a particularly good effect - a guy or a lady - you can ask what they are doing and come study. Etc.

There's guidance you get without asking, like if you try a particular approach such as stroking the G-spot and the lady writhes and makes pleasure noises, you are getting the impression this might be a good. But then you can ask them to explain - do you like clit massage? What should I do at the tip of the clit - stimulate through the hood? - upwards or downwards? etc (those would tend to be quick light questions - you want a lady to be able to disengage intellectual brain and wallow in pleasure)

So the suggestion here is yes do communicate what works and wishes you have...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread