FabSwingers.com forum: Did I over react?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Last night we had a couple stay with us that we had met once before. We had a fantastic time and after many hours playing we all went to bed with our own partners. Imagine my surprise when mr notts tells me ( whilst fucking me) that he had bareback sex and came in the other woman. This was done after he suggested separate room fun. He then went onto tell me he wanted me to do the same with the guy. He ended up wearing a few glasses of water.

The woman claims she thought he had a condom on. Although there weren't even any in the room.

Am I a cow for giving him a hard time and should we accept in this lifestyle during nights like last night when everyone had had a few too many glasses of vino that this happens? I should add that even though intoxicated I still had sense to tell the guy to rubber up...as our profile says we do. Theirs also says safe sex but not a lot of use when only half people playing carry it through.

Am i over reacting? Do I need to take a chill pill?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"Last night we had a couple stay with us that we had met once before. We had a fantastic time and after many hours playing we all went to bed with our own partners. Imagine my surprise when mr notts tells me ( whilst fucking me) that he had bareback sex and came in the other woman. This was done after he suggested separate room fun. He then went onto tell me he wanted me to do the same with the guy. He ended up wearing a few glasses of water.

The woman claims she thought he had a condom on. Although there weren't even any in the room.

Am i over reacting? Do I need to take a chill pill?"

Your own partner??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not over-reacting in my eyes and rightly deserved the water!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky24big35Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

u are totally in the right for going mad i wud,hes lied to the women and to u,and is being irresponsible,she could have anything or cud get pregnant!i wud have done more then throw water on him lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *LBishCouple
over a year ago

near bury st edmunds

Hell no your not hunny, swinging with your other half has to be 100% trust. If your rules are safe sex always then he is well out of order. If my partner did that he would have been wearing more than a few glases of water lol. xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The woman claims she thought he had a condom on. Although there weren't even any in the room.

Am i over reacting? Do I need to take a chill pill?"

no hun i think u arent over reacting x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah my own partner of 9 years. We're still getting to know one another.....

He's had a vasectomy so no worries about pregnancy and he didn't lie to her , they were both just irresponsible and got carried away. Made for an interesting chat over coffee with everyone this morning. I'm gutted. Maybe need some more water.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely not over-reacting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky24big35Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

"Yeah my own partner of 9 years. We're still getting to know one another.....

u said that she thought he was wearing one?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah my own partner of 9 years. We're still getting to know one another.....

if my partner did this to me i wud of packed his bags and chucked him out

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes that was said this morning in the cold light if day. I got the impression last night she knew he hadn't. You tend to know if someone stops play to put a condom on don't you! clues are they stop touching you, you hear noises of condom wrappers and hopefully you see them! Oh and to me I can definately feel the difference.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/03/11 12:24:16]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

if you had a rule of safe sex at all times and he broke that rule then no, not over reacting. i think some serious conversations need to be had about this. how can you trust him to do seperate room swaps in the future if he can break rules so easily?

yes the woman of the couple needs to take some responsibility as i assume (i know, should never assume!!!) that all rules of play were discussed prior to meeting etc

i take it you are taking him with you to the GUM clinic on Monday - not trying to say the couple werent clean but you can never be too careful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The woman claims she thought he had a condom on. Although there weren't even any in the room.

Am i over reacting? Do I need to take a chill pill?"

send him straight to the clinic

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky24big35Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

"Yes that was said this morning in the cold light if day. I got the impression last night she knew he hadn't. You tend to know if someone stops play to put a condom on don't you! clues are they stop touching you, you hear noises of condom wrappers and hopefully you see them! Oh and to me I can definately feel the difference. "

u did ask for an option and i read ur post,no need to take offence,ill keep my options to myself then!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ngel 44Woman
over a year ago

cleveland

Like how he waited till he was fucking you before he told ya....after been inside other woman with no condom on?...and she must have been really pissed not to check....laim excuse is she gonna tell her partner that shes had sex with no condom on and ur partner came in her?....and for him to ask u to do the same?.....really bad does he care??? id have dun more to him too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are not over-reacting, and this is the kind of thing that splits couples up. To me its not just irresponsible and getting carried away, its an absolute kick in the face to you, by both of those involved.

We never know what will happen during a swinging session or what we may feel. We could be the most hardened swingers in the world, and seen and done it all, but something can come out of the blue and knock us for six, and I suspect this is one of those times for you.

I am really sorry to read this post and I hope you feel ok soon

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And here's the funny bit! I am going to the GUM clinic tomorrow for my 3rd vaccination for HepB as recommended when I told them I was bisexual and I'd recently been with another woman ....the same woman! All my tests were clear but now this makes a complete mockery of going and trying to play sensibly. Just off to look in the mirror u think someone tattood my head in the night with the word "idiot"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

def not an overreaction.

the part that would upset me, is being told while he is inside me!!!

As lets face it, if she has something, he has just passed it onto u! (possibly)

Call me naive, but as a swinger i like to think we are all above the stupid behaviour of the 20somethings who go out, get shit faced then fuck bareback round the back of the local nightclub!

Bareback is something to be discussed with all involved in an intelligent rational way. Not spur of the moment enjoyment!!

Personally id make him go to the gum clinic before fucking him again without a condom!! That should further drive the message home!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It wouldnt just be the obvious infection risk, and yes Id be absolutely incensed if I was put at risk by someone elses irresponsibility.

It would be the total lack of respect for me that was shown. The complete selfishness of him mainly, but also her. To think of his own pleasure and that of the woman he was with at the time, a sodding stranger, over a partner of 9 years would devastate me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

He said as we had all been playing orally anyway what difference did it make? He said if we were going to catch anything we would anyway. He has also just been to GUM a few weeks ago by the way so you'd think he'd know better.

Trouble is that GUM say they can't detect instantly if you have caught anything. So I'm not sure how long we have to wait for new tests to be accurate.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/03/11 12:43:29]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd send him off to the GUM and get yourself checked too. And I guess its time to insist on safe sex with him as well, cos I sure as hell would never trust someone who could do that to play safely.

This is a serious breach of trust.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

Id feel really upset and very let down by him - and no doubt would be chopping his balls off - but to be honest its something Id be bollocking him about in private given the impact it is likely to have on our relationship

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It isnt just the infection risk though OP, and it isnt true that just because you've been playing orally there is little risk in bareback sex. Yes there is a risk from oral sex but it is considerably lower.

Its the fact that you didnt have a choice in what happened. He took the risk for his own pleasure. He did this without informing you. He did this for his and the other womans pleasure and they didnt inform you. Now ok this woman doesnt have any responsiblity to you (though its a bloody cheek as she was in your house under your rules), but he has a huge responsibility to you.

Not only did he have bareback sex, he put you at risk, without your knowledge, by having unprotected sex with you.

The fact that he wants you to have bareback sex with the other guy is to ease his own guilt.

Things happen in the spur of the moment and it could happen to any one of us. But the fact that you now cannot trust him with the rules you have both set, could put any further meets you have uncomfortable.

Its this kind of thing that we all fear isnt it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

You're not over reacting at all, in fact you sound really very calm, but if he can be so irresponsible when he's just next door there are further implications with regards to hos overall honesty in my opinion. And to tell you when you were having sex, bloody hell - I'd have cut his knob off never mind chucking a bit of water on him! As for her, well, she knew, as you said, you know when a condom has been put on. I really feel for you as this must be horrendous, Z

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Id feel really upset and very let down by him - and no doubt would be chopping his balls off - but to be honest its something Id be bollocking him about in private given the impact it is likely to have on our relationship"

So u don't think he deserved the four pints of water I gave him last night?! I thought he needed cooling off a bit. That wasnt done in front of the other couple by the way. I did that during separate room fun time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with iconics posts and the statement made by oralminx, "he told you when he was inside you"!! apart from the very obvious health issues, the utter disrespect he has shown you would certainly compromise my relationship with him!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/03/11 12:56:04]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

I'd have booted him out the door stark naked, and never let him back in again, let alone swung with him again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is so wrong on so many levels, any relationship has to be built on trust, he has effectively broken that trust, how will you ever trust him in ANYTHING ever again?

I dont think you over reacted, I think HE under reacted!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *roovytwoCouple
over a year ago

burnley

"I'd send him off to the GUM and get yourself checked too. And I guess its time to insist on safe sex with him as well, cos I sure as hell would never trust someone who could do that to play safely.

This is a serious breach of trust.

Absolutely...the last sentence of the quote above says it all.If you are swinging you both have to agree and stick to the same rules unless you both agree to change them.We always have and always will...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eren35Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

"He said as we had all been playing orally anyway what difference did it make? He said if we were going to catch anything we would anyway. He has also just been to GUM a few weeks ago by the way so you'd think he'd know better.

Trouble is that GUM say they can't detect instantly if you have caught anything. So I'm not sure how long we have to wait for new tests to be accurate. "

What a disgusting attitude he has!

Does he actually care that he may have put you both at risk?

Seriously if he was my partner, bags would be packed and he'd be gone, theres no way would I ever trust him again to play safe.

Good luck I hope it works out all ok for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nnebellWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

Well this sorry tale brings to mind the old saying.......... Men's braincells migrate to their bollocks at puberty', was a piece of advise my mother gave me many moons ago. Many times has it come to pass to be perfectly correct.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And here's the funny bit! I am going to the GUM clinic tomorrow for my 3rd vaccination for HepB as recommended when I told them I was bisexual and I'd recently been with another woman ....the same woman! All my tests were clear but now this makes a complete mockery of going and trying to play sensibly. Just off to look in the mirror u think someone tattood my head in the night with the word "idiot""

Bi sexual women !!!!Increased Hep B risk...lol...why was the woman you have sex with Hep B +-ve and having her period while you licked her...!!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that one thing being forgotten here is that he could have very easily not said anything..

It was wrong, but thats why I would never ever mix drinking and swinging.. Most men if they can get away with bareback will.. its nature.. I personally would notice instantly if a guy didnt have one on as it feels so different.. so not noticing shouldnt be an issue unless totally d*unk.

I have never understood seperate room swaps anyway..but rules should stay even in seperate rooms.. it destroys trust, but he obviously loves you enough to tell you.. as I bet it happens more than you think.

Yes the take the other man bareback was partly guilt related.. but also a lot of men would love to have their partner filled by another man... maybe drink just lowered his inhibitions.. which lets face it happens with drink.

I know if we had a regular we would lose the safe sex option when together as a couple, simply because we would enjoy it more and its a calculated risk that we would take..

I hope you manage to sort this out... and talk it through, and perhaps not mix drink and swinging..

Katie. x

Katie.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mmm well it worries me that unless he'd have suggested me doing the same I probably would never have found out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So he suggested separate rooms, had bareback sex, and told you he wants you to do the same?

This is no accident, do you openly communicate about these things?

The question is, can you still trust him? If the answers no its wise to take some time out from meeting others

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

It also begs the question 'how often has he done this in the past'? and not told you? Perhaps to bareback with others has now become the norm for him and he wanted to sound you out? Might be completely off track there but he did betray your trust. Just because he told you about it this time, doesn't make it right or give him any points - can't be doing with all that confessional stuff - ie. I've confessed - forgive me so all's ok again. Z

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a sad thread.

To have unprotected sex is one thing (don't understand that to be fair), to then have unprotected sex with the OP THEN try to encourage her to do the same?!!

A very selfish, disrespectful man!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mmm well it worries me that unless he'd have suggested me doing the same I probably would never have found out."

I think he had to tell you, because it was obviously important to him.. maybe if it was a regular couple he thought it was something that you could both enjoy..

HOWEVER, should have been discussed before play, not after the event..

It is likely to have just happened due to things taking over.. I have had to a few times REMIND guys to wear something, so I kinda think that it falls to the woman to remind them.. after all, you can hardly help not feel that they have a condom on.. as its for me at least instantly kills the moment.. but sadly we have to with most.

I do think that it will take a lot of talking.. and maybe with your partner not on here.. as mostly you will be told to throw him out, which I think would be a total over reaction..

Trust is very important.... but it can be fixed... as long as you both accept that you have to talk about things calmly...

Katie. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bi sexual women !!!!Increased Hep B risk...lol...why was the woman you have sex with Hep B +-ve and having her period while you licked her"

.... Ew noooo. I'm no doctor, I'm only saying what GUM told me. I'd never heard of HepB before let alone it being sexually transmitted. Either way I'm like a bleedin pin cushion with all my jabs. Just as well I guess. I'll ask tomorrow if they can vaccinate against untrustworthy partners.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkershoes69Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

i totally agree with sassy and it does make me angry xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

This is'nt something id be discussing on here thats for sure but id have a few words to say and a few things to discuss with those concerned

To the OP I hope that it all works out well for you x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think what he has done is right.... but you cant suggest its become the norm.... or that its a regular thing... as we dont know..

All we know is what has happened on this time...

Did the OP over react by being upset at the let down.. No, she has not... there are rules in place for reasons within this lifestyle..

I personally would not play with anyone that had been drinking... as drink causes problems sexually out side of swinging.. how many women or men end up waking up the next morning regretting it.. is it any wonder Jan and feb sees the highest number of visits to clinics both GUM and abortion... simply because more people get carried away when drink is mixed..

Only you two can sort this out.. and communication is the only way...

Katie. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

This makes very uncomfortable reading for me.

Wouldn't it be best discussing this with your husband?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes I did think twice about posting this for lots of reasons. But I was genuinely interested to hear from other people who play whether they would feel the same or if I should " get over it, it happens when you swing, grow up it's no big deal. It matters to me and I feel pretty hurt. I just wondered if I was being a mardy diva.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Yes I did think twice about posting this for lots of reasons. But I was genuinely interested to hear from other people who play whether they would feel the same or if I should " get over it, it happens when you swing, grow up it's no big deal. It matters to me and I feel pretty hurt. I just wondered if I was being a mardy diva. "

No you should'nt just get over it if you're that upset

No its not something that happens when you swing (not in my experience anyway)

It is a big deal as you feel trust has been broken and thats hard to build again

You're not being a mardy diva

BUT....I would'nt take advice from anyone in here over such a sensitive and personal subject

Its something that only you and he can sort out

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does it matter what other people think?

You just said it yourself - it matters to you" thats all that counts.

Anyone calling you a mardy diva isnt going to take away how you feel

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This makes very uncomfortable reading for me.

Wouldn't it be best discussing this with your husband?

When he wakes up yes of course. Its a hazard associated with this lifestyle though and I appreciate hearing peoples points of _iew. Thank you to everyone for your comments. If people think is is too much for forum then Admin please remove the thread. I'm off to get a drink of water.....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Bi sexual women !!!!Increased Hep B risk...lol...why was the woman you have sex with Hep B +-ve and having her period while you licked her"

No vaccination against that....but there is a small operation he could have....it involves two bricks and no anaesthetic...!!!!!

Alcohol...Sep rooms...and a dick head..= this thread...!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This makes very uncomfortable reading for me.

Wouldn't it be best discussing this with your husband?

my thoughts too ???? she must know she wasnt over reacting surely ???

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I don't think you have over reacted to feeling hurt and let down , I think any of us would be and you have sparked a good discussion.

I am just me,a private freak, so I might not have asked on here, or if I did might have put it as a general question up for discussion.

I hope you can sort it out though, although losing trust in someone is a biggy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"This makes very uncomfortable reading for me.

Wouldn't it be best discussing this with your husband?

i dont think its a hazard associated with this lifestyle at all. plenty of couples and singels etc play with rules that are never broken.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Might be a good idea to show him this thread

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This makes very uncomfortable reading for me.

Wouldn't it be best discussing this with your husband?

my thoughts too ???? she must know she wasnt over reacting surely ???"

Don't ever get situations where if someone has a differing point of _iew you start to question your own judgement? The question is in the context of swinging. Non swingers reading this would question whether I should have reacted to him having sex with her in the first place. If you know what I mean, not sure ive worded this right! I know what I mean!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To answer your question I don't think you've over reacted, I also don't see an under-reaction. Your reaction, which includes publically discussing it on this thread, is the right one for you because only you knows your full story (last 9 yrs etc) and exactly what you have agreed or not in being on this scene. (I am in no way critisising tour decision).

I however am amazed by this story and based on what you've said would have reacted in a completely different way. (I must add the caviar that I would not actually be in this position because I don't believe I would ever swing with a long term partner).

It is not only the risk of infection but, in my mind, the more important complete disrespect and betrayal of trust that has been crystalised in one act of selfish lust. The act would give me a clear insight into how much my partner valued me in every sense of the word. It would lead me to question the foundation of my whole relationship and the aspirations I have for it going forward. For me it would simply be unforgivable, but I am not you, and maybe you would see my _iew as an over-reaction.

Do you?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

Some interesting thoughts here - Don't like caviar myself and perhaps it's a little bit hypocritical to say you'd not swing with a long terms partner? Each to their own and all that of course. Z

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No Blackspice, as I said I appreciate all the comments. And as you say only I can truly put this into perspective knowing my partner and our relationship.

Your comment about not swinging with a long term partner is thought provoking. Whilst we have had a lot of fun, yes when you get something like this happen it does make me wonder if it's the right thing to do.

Also Katies comments on swinging and alcohol I think are very relevant and if we play again I think we need to consider this can make for a bad outcome.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

His comments about not swinging with a long term partner annoy me to be honest.

Its ok for him to fuck someone elses wife, but he wouldn't share his own. Hypocrisy at its best!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"His comments about not swinging with a long term partner annoy me to be honest.

Its ok for him to fuck someone elses wife, but he wouldn't share his own. Hypocrisy at its best!!! "

It got me thinking.. hence my post on singles and swinging when in a couple.. we didnt meet a guy who said to us, when he finds someone he wont be swinging because its not right..

But he wanted me..

To the OP.. you know where I am if you fancy a chat :D

Katie, x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exy6768Couple
over a year ago

manchester

Just out of interest........ What did her partner have to say about it all?

Bet the convo over brekky was interesting.

I in no certain circumstances think u over reacted....i would have through him out naked after kicking him directly in the knackers.

I would make sure as from now on u have safe sex with him until any test come back.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some interesting thoughts here - Don't like caviar myself and perhaps it's a little bit hypocritical to say you'd not swing with a long terms partner? Each to their own and all that of course. Z"

I'm in NO WAY being critical of anyone who does. I am just stating my personal boundary as it probably feeds into my _iewpoint and perspective on this matter. I added that line in to explain to the Op that one persons _iew to an over reaction may be completely different to anothers because of their starting point or experiences.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"Some interesting thoughts here - Don't like caviar myself and perhaps it's a little bit hypocritical to say you'd not swing with a long terms partner? Each to their own and all that of course. Z

I didn't imply that you were being critical in any way, a little hypocritical perhaps, Z

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heekyladyCouple
over a year ago

manchester

"It also begs the question 'how often has he done this in the past'? and not told you? Perhaps to bareback with others has now become the norm for him and he wanted to sound you out? Might be completely off track there but he did betray your trust. Just because he told you about it this time, doesn't make it right or give him any points - can't be doing with all that confessional stuff - ie. I've confessed - forgive me so all's ok again. Z"

I completely agree here, if you can't trust him with a very basic thing as in safe sex, what else is there to lack trust in. If he encouraged the seperate room swap, I'd be questioning if it had happened before in a similar circumstance.

Whatever you decide to do, do it for your own benefit and not anyone elses as you will have to live with whatever decision you make. Hope all works out for you xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Like me her partner wasn't too happy either not surprisingly. She did tell him last night so it wasn't a complete shock but neither of them were aware that he had ejaculated in her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Like me her partner wasn't too happy either not surprisingly. She did tell him last night so it wasn't a complete shock but neither of them were aware that he had ejaculated in her.

she didnt know he had cum inside her??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"Like me her partner wasn't too happy either not surprisingly. She did tell him last night so it wasn't a complete shock but neither of them were aware that he had ejaculated in her.

Christ all bloody mighty, that's scary! Would def not drink whilst swinging if I were you! Z

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some interesting thoughts here - Don't like caviar myself and perhaps it's a little bit hypocritical to say you'd not swing with a long terms partner? Each to their own and all that of course. Z

I didn't imply that you were being critical in any way, a little hypocritical perhaps, Z"

For the record, I don't believe if I married again that I would swing with my wife (very hypothetical ), maybe you could explain why that makes me hypocritical? Or maybe that's for a different thread.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"Some interesting thoughts here - Don't like caviar myself and perhaps it's a little bit hypocritical to say you'd not swing with a long terms partner? Each to their own and all that of course. Z

I didn't imply that you were being critical in any way, a little hypocritical perhaps, Z

Maybe thats for a different thread, just strikes me as odd that some chaps want to and indeed do, shag other guys wifes but wouldn't want their own wife to swing, just strikes me as a little hypocritical but as I said before, that's just my opinion, seems that you can't respect the women that you're shagging as you wouldn't want your wife to do it! Z

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exy6768Couple
over a year ago

manchester

How can a woman not know a man has ejaculated inside her or is she just acting dumb to defuse the situation?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How can a woman not know a man has ejaculated inside her or is she just acting dumb to defuse the situation?

Again this may be a different thread...but to be perfectly honest, and maybe I have an insensitve vagina, I dont always know. Wish I did but no, if it's down feeling....as opposed to noises, then I dont! And of course if the man doesnt ejaculate much its even harder to tell. Maybe thats why Mrnotts feels the need to try with someone else

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How can a woman not know a man has ejaculated inside her or is she just acting dumb to defuse the situation?

Don't think she did, she said she thought he was wearing a condom up until then, whether that was the case or not we'll never no.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"How can a woman not know a man has ejaculated inside her or is she just acting dumb to defuse the situation?

but is Mr Notts a silent cummer? surely if he makes noise etc then she would have known

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exy6768Couple
over a year ago

manchester

Well hun things happen for a reason, not that's any consolation to u right now x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How can a woman not know a man has ejaculated inside her or is she just acting dumb to defuse the situation?

Oh.. see I feel everything.. every little detail.. the feel of a condom instantly makes me dry up a lot.. and over prolonged use, completely.. but as I love the feeling of a nice filled pussy, I do notice the lead up to it.. I dont think I have ever once not known a guy was going to cum...

Whatever his reasons he now knows perhaps he should of asked you about it first...

Katie. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To that end, and on a lighter note I'll start a new thread called "Insensitive C**ts*

I'll ask Mrnotts if he'd like to write anything,as I feel he may know about this topic in more ways than one.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would'nt take advice from anyone in here over such a sensitive and personal subject

Its something that only you and he can sort out"

*Nods in agreement*

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ditch the arsehole.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"This is'nt something id be discussing on here thats for sure "

Agreed

I very much doubt potential meets will now be running with open arms to meet you both

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some interesting thoughts here - Don't like caviar myself and perhaps it's a little bit hypocritical to say you'd not swing with a long terms partner? Each to their own and all that of course. Z

I didn't imply that you were being critical in any way, a little hypocritical perhaps, Z"

I'd have to agree with the hypocrisy. Personally, if I had a long term partner I wouldn't swing, but I never play with couples, so not looking to share someone else's partner whilst keeping mine to myself.

Reminds me of the men that don't want you in their homes because it's not a "knocking shop", but have the temerity to want to play in yours!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would'nt take advice from anyone in here over such a sensitive and personal subject

Its something that only you and he can sort out

*Nods in agreement*"

Dont worry I have no intention of taking all the advice! If I did I'd be busy packing his bags now or be in a police cell for inflicting GBH on him!

I will however take the advice to think twice about mixing alcohol and swinging and of course some serious chats about the future with Mrnotts.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How can a woman not know a man has ejaculated inside her or is she just acting dumb to defuse the situation?

Even if you can't tell if a man has cum, I think the white fluid dripping down your leg would be a major clue!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are obviously and very understandably hurt by all of this, and it is playing on your mind, as it would do, and which is why this thread has been started. I certainly feel for you and I do hope that you are ok.

I would take time to talk things over. Peoples opinions on this thread are interesting and valuable, but you must do what you yourself are comfortable with, its your relationship.

If it was me Id have to have some time out and I certainly wouldnt ever play or even allow any contact with that other couple. Id block them so I wouldnt have to even see their names. I know that I would feel very resentful in any contact i had with them.

We are all different, do whats right for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is'nt something id be discussing on here thats for sure

Agreed

I very much doubt potential meets will now be running with open arms to meet you both

I was wondering if the other couple were members and were reading this thread!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How can a woman not know a man has ejaculated inside her or is she just acting dumb to defuse the situation?

Even if you can't tell if a man has cum, I think the white fluid dripping down your leg would be a major clue!

Lol am so glad you typed that Sassy, I was thinking the same thing, cos as soon as I move, then some comes out of me - I didnt know how to put it eloquently though - there is no eloquent way of putting it though is there

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is'nt something id be discussing on here thats for sure

Agreed

I very much doubt potential meets will now be running with open arms to meet you both

I did have that thought too.

I couldnt do separate rooms meets, the excitement of swinging means having two guys and seeing whats going on for me anyway. This is the worst scenario of separate room meets though isnt it. You can be torturing yourself with what happened etc.

I dont know for sure, its only a guess, but being a 40 something fairly sensible woman, I bet that she knew full well that they were having bareback sex and that ejaculation had taken place.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"I bet that she knew full well that they were having bareback sex and that ejaculation had taken place. "

One would have to be unconscious or on another planet not to have known what was / had taken place

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some men dont cum very much though.

I dont feel resentful to the other couple, and I hope that what I have written doesnt come accross in any way like that. It's a stupid mistake that has affected 4 people afterall not just me. Whether it makes "cringe" reading I have just stated facts as they happened.

As for the comment on me posting this thread risking our future meets, so be it. I can understand that totally and if we tried to meet someone and they gave us the "no thanks we know you've played bareback" line, I'd totally respect that, I'd react the same in all honesty. All I can say is we will both be getting checked - I'm already going tomorrow anyway. If this post means we get lots of people block us, such is life. My relationship and how we work that out, has always and will always be far more important.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if you can't tell if a man has cum, I think the white fluid dripping down your leg would be a major clue!

Do you mind?..I was halfway thru a Muller Corner

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

isnt this having ago at another member/namimg and shaming ? ive seem other threds closed for far less!

asking a GENERAL question or hypothical situation is one thing bringing youre domestic dispute to the public is quite another .

yes hes totally out of order but doesnt require blasted on thred ,thats for you to take care of in private .thought id stumbled into the jezza kyle show .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"My relationship and how we work that out, has always and will always be far more important."

The difficulties you may encounter are, whether anyone _iews you pair as “trustworthy”

Boundaries have been crossed, it's convincing others it was a “one off” mistake.

However you resolve the issues raised, I wish you both good luck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exy6768Couple
over a year ago

manchester

People will be looking on ur verification and wondering which couple it is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People will be looking on ur verification and wondering which couple it is.

As if they'll be leaving a verification!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Probably so, but for what its worth they arent on our verified list.

As for naming and shaming, the other couple are and will remain annonymous. I havent confirmed or denied they are members on here, neither will I.

And no this isn't a thread to beat Mr Notts up, far from it. The thread title should confirm this is about my reaction / attitude and perception. This is something that happened during a swinging meet and I thought I'd ask you guys for your opinion, thats all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were brave to come on and discuss this and its important to you and its been a very interesting thread. It brings home the fact that not all swinging meets go to plan, we are human, we all have feelings, we all have the ability to cross the line.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exy6768Couple
over a year ago

manchester

Well as the OP said they have met a few times they maybe they may have written an verified them on there last meet nnnnrrrrrrrr

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"Well as the OP said they have met a few times they maybe they may have written an verified them on there last meet nnnnrrrrrrrr

I have to say that the majority of people that we meet are not on this site, why would this couple be here! Z

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ibrosMan
over a year ago

harrow

It has been an interesting read, but surely its time to put it to bed.

to the OP. Learn from what has happened. You're not slinging him out, so a private discussion about limits and respect is what is needed.

We all make errors of judgement. Its for the OP to decide if this was so serious, not to permit a second chance.

If we are honest, many of us will have changed the rules, or extended the boundaries during play. That is part of exploring. I think mrnotts has had enough bricks slung at him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we are honest, many of us will have changed the rules, or extended the boundaries during play. That is part of exploring. I think mrnotts has had enough bricks slung at him."

True, but MrsNotts should've been given the opportunity to have that discussion with her OH, and not had it pushed on her during penetration when her health may have already potentially been affected.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Well as the OP said they have met a few times they maybe they may have written an verified them on there last meet nnnnrrrrrrrr

I have to say that the majority of people that we meet are not on this site, why would this couple be here! Z"

cos fab is the world Zoe - you've been here long enough you should know by now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Ok, did you and your husband have a safe sex policy? If not then im sorry but you really should have made that your main priority if you feel how you do.

However, if you did have a safe sex policy im afraid he would be out the door, the only water used would be to have drowned him. In any relationship trust is paramount, in a relationship where you swing even more so. Im afraid it would be out the door for me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"Well as the OP said they have met a few times they maybe they may have written an verified them on there last meet nnnnrrrrrrrr

I have to say that the majority of people that we meet are not on this site, why would this couple be here! Z

cos fab is the world Zoe - you've been here long enough you should know by now

Oh yes, sorry, forgot that for a second! Z

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

i think the reason the OP opened this thread (and i may be wrong) is she felt she need to talk it through and get clarification that she is in the right. For example if her partner had been having an affair she would have went to a friend or family member to talk things through, but due to the nature of the problem that isnt possible.

As at time we all need to talk not matter wot it is.

Just my thought and hope it makes sense

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you Coantrimcpl, yes you're right. Sometimes I think when you're very emotional about something it's easy to take things out of perspective, and that is why I wanted to hear opinion.

This to me is not just about the fact he may have put us at risk, its about trust. We had a safe sex policy and he took it on himself to ignore that. It has opened up a whole lot of questions.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some interesting thoughts here - Don't like caviar myself and perhaps it's a little bit hypocritical to say you'd not swing with a long terms partner? Each to their own and all that of course. Z

I didn't imply that you were being critical in any way, a little hypocritical perhaps, Z

Thanks for explaining, but you've made a big assumption. Your missing the fact that if I decided to marry again, part of that decision would be that I didn't want to have sex with anyone else. It has nothing to do with what I would or would not want my wife to do, I'm not that controlling. My choice for me is that I wouldn't want to swing. I'm not saying it's right or wrong in any way, I'm just saying if I still wanted to swing then I wouldn't get married.

It certainly has nothing to do with a lack of respect for women in or out of this scene.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do not blame you for feeling annoyed and being upset. You both had an understanding to play safe, and he did not. Health risks aside, he did breach trust. I know he could argue that he was only swinging the same as you, but he did break your jointly agreed rules.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

over reacting?!

i imagine the opposite is true....he's lucky to be wearing his skin!

there are rules that you agree to and they should not be breached.

it is a form of cheating in my mind is someone does not abide to the rules that you set and agree as a couple.

the only decent thing he did was tell you...though it seems he told you to pass the guilt onto you by encouraging you to do the same thing.

despicable for both parties

cannot fathom for a minute how she never knew....putting a condom is not a subtle act, you know it's happening!

sorry for you, shame on them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not often i post on the forum and i havent been doing swinging as a couple that long (was on here as a single) but I have read all your post and I would feel cheated on in a way...its an abuse of trust.

I just wanted to say that i hope you have managed to sort something out today x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky24big35Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

maybe if ur still wanting to swing to sit down and talk about it with him and see what he actucally wants out meets

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"maybe if ur still wanting to swing to sit down and talk about it with him and see what he actucally wants out meets"

sounds to me like that conversation is overdue.

how can you trust him to stick to any new agreement when he's already breached the original one?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You did not over react. He failed to share and failed on your agreement.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

"Thank you Coantrimcpl, yes you're right. Sometimes I think when you're very emotional about something it's easy to take things out of perspective, and that is why I wanted to hear opinion.

This to me is not just about the fact he may have put us at risk, its about trust. We had a safe sex policy and he took it on himself to ignore that. It has opened up a whole lot of questions.

your welcome and hope you get sorted out, you havnt over reacted, and remember you are the one that was wronged in many ways. xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definatly not over reacting condoms are definatly the only way on a site like this vasectomy s doesn't cure sti or STD !!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Not an over reaction in my opinion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i agree with the above, i wouldnt trust him again as not only may he given you a STD also a big risk of HIV,swinging together is about trust, the line is broken now and no going back to how it used to be.

Am sorry this has happend to you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The obvious advice of getting yourself (and him) to a clinic's been said. As for trust - he's taken a risk that could potentially (and I know it's very unlikely) have put your life at risk. I'd be taking a long time to forgive that (and wouldn't be letting him out of my sight with anyone else again). Think the best advice is that one glass of wine is ok, but enough to lower inhibitions will also lower common sense so best to treat drinking and swinging the same as drinking and driving.

Mrs R

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe the thrill and sensation of bareback sex is much more compelling to a male than a female?

Back to Venus and Mars?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just want to make comment with regard to people saying how it should be kept private etc etc.

Ok the OP has discussed this matter with her partner. But in saying that, she like most of us women need to actually take advice, talk about it. I mean who do you talk about in the vanilla world about stuff like this without getting judged. She posted on this forum to get feedback and thats what she got.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe the thrill and sensation of bareback sex is much more compelling to a male than a female?

Back to Venus and Mars?"

Oh hell no.. I think bareback is the best feeling in the world.. lol and if there were no risks, Id never do it any other way.

katie.x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is easy to judge people but things happen in the "heat of battle".

It is something that the two of them have to discuss and vent their feelings to each other and hopefully move on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all about trust. You all agreed one thing and he did the opposite. You did the right thing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread