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Farting during meets....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?"
excuse yourself to the loo and do it in privacy xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?excuse yourself to the loo and do it in privacy xxx"

Hmmm some toilets seem to work like an amplifier!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?excuse yourself to the loo and do it in privacy xxx

Hmmm some toilets seem to work like an amplifier! "

They sure do

Even with the telly on I discovered the morning after, pumped full of air by the fun enjoyed, fart turned epic by the amplification of a premier inn loo and bathroom acoustics.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha just go the bathroom but run the tap first and slowly release them badboys.

Doll x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?"

Just look the other person in the eye and do what you gotta do...mid conversation without even a pause.

If they even react slightly then they are no gentleman/lady and are not worth a second meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let it rip and say simply and in a calm manner; "More tea Vicar".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them ur away to the shop for another btl of wine.... Least that way the smell won't linger lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?

Just look the other person in the eye and do what you gotta do...mid conversation without even a pause.

If they even react slightly then they are no gentleman/lady and are not worth a second meeting."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get them to pull your finger?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Tell them ur away to the shop for another btl of wine.... Least that way the smell won't linger lol x"

I was thinking more the 4 AM duvet lifter..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tell them ur away to the shop for another btl of wine.... Least that way the smell won't linger lol x

I was thinking more the 4 AM duvet lifter.. "

Can't beat the old Dutch Oven. The last and greatest test of courtship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get them to pull your finger?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We would say excuse me a moment , leave the room , let rip , return to the room , and say ah that's better , now where were we .....

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Run the bath, invite the other person to join you - pump away untill your heart,s content and both enjoy a free Jacuzzi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to the bathroom fart into a folded towel.

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

try NOT farting if you've used a douche before play.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whether you be in Church or Chapel, let it rattle.

That little nugget was supplied by my grampy. A Yorkshireman who believed it was better out than in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?excuse yourself to the loo and do it in privacy xxx

Hmmm some toilets seem to work like an amplifier!

They sure do

Even with the telly on I discovered the morning after, pumped full of air by the fun enjoyed, fart turned epic by the amplification of a premier inn loo and bathroom acoustics. "

Ha ha ha ha ha ha oh so funny

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Always book hotels by a lake for meets. Then let rip, look towards the window and comment how the geese appear to be flying low. This may only work if, like me, you are a musical trumper.

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By *xxxMan
over a year ago

Bedford & Chester


"Get them to pull your finger?"

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By *xxxMan
over a year ago

Bedford & Chester


"Go to the bathroom fart into a folded towel. "

Depends who's bathroon and who's towel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is really making me chuckle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See if she's up for a tea-bagging and then let it rip I'm sure that'll go down well

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

just let rip in little bursts...

if they have any humour they may reply

"ooft i'll name that tune in one"

at this point you just smile knowingly and and reply "unfinished symphony".....

before voiding the last of the gasses...

chicks dig that ***

*** disclaimer!...this observation may not be 100% fact and its noted its possibly best to play before treating your meet to musical trumpets..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't see letting a little one slip being a major thing, it's when they are lumpy there can be problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Especially if you was farting into the said folded towel"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol this thread had me chuckling this afternoon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was gonna go for the folded towel trick.

I'd actually die if I had to fart in someone's presence

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon


"Go to the bathroom fart into a folded towel. "

Erm... not that is ever happens to me, I'm asking for a friend... but what happens if you follow through onto the towel?

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By *arksMan
over a year ago

in the centre

Point to another part of the room , diversion tactics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a very funny thread, he says giggling away like a schoolboy lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just fart in bed, I do. With or without a woman next to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?"

Wait til she's giving you a bj, they LOVE it

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I WAS ..... I emphasise WAS.... feeling horny until you disgusting lot ruined it! You are all off my Christmas card list!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?excuse yourself to the loo and do it in privacy xxx

Hmmm some toilets seem to work like an amplifier!

They sure do

Even with the telly on I discovered the morning after, pumped full of air by the fun enjoyed, fart turned epic by the amplification of a premier inn loo and bathroom acoustics. "

Pmsl I've had this too...well if they want bum fun they have to accept the inevitable bathroom bubbles and ensuing giggling from me!! Hahahahahaha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My farts don't smell so,as long as I can ease it out with no sound,they are none the wiser. Or meet someone with a fart fetish and don't hold back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My farts don't smell so,as long as I can ease it out with no sound,they are none the wiser. Or meet someone with a fart fetish and don't hold back "
Noooo the silent but deadly are the worst ones

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I can't BELIEVE you lot are even discussing it!!!

Ladies only ever powder their noses! End of!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't see letting a little one slip being a major thing, it's when they are lumpy there can be problems "

Pmsl lumpy farts. .I'm dying here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?"

Whenever I'm having a sleepover with a guy that's when I'm guaranteed to wanna fart my arse off or have a dump.

If my farts don't make me implode and they go up inside my stomach making a weird noise I've gone to extreme measures such as going to the toilet and putting my finger over my arse hole to let it out quiet and it just comes out like a quiet puff, wash my finger and bum hole and back into bed, I've even excused myself to get something from my car and gone to my car to fart. For a shit I could only do that by asking to have a shower or bath then I'd have one whilst the bath or shower was running then I'd get clean. Or if I've had a guy at my house I've gone next door to my mothers house and had one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't BELIEVE you lot are even discussing it!!!

Ladies only ever powder their noses! End of! "
Trust me I've smelt em. That ain't no powder

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon


"I WAS ..... I emphasise WAS.... feeling horny until you disgusting lot ruined it! You are all off my Christmas card list!! "

Meh, s'ok, your last one was crap anyway!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in stitches reading some of these, but we're all human you can't hold what's not in your hand lol

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By *o30Woman
over a year ago

Lincoln

Hold it then excuse yourself for a cigarette break. Go outside and let it go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?

Whenever I'm having a sleepover with a guy that's when I'm guaranteed to wanna fart my arse off or have a dump.

If my farts don't make me implode and they go up inside my stomach making a weird noise I've gone to extreme measures such as going to the toilet and putting my finger over my arse hole to let it out quiet and it just comes out like a quiet puff, wash my finger and bum hole and back into bed, I've even excused myself to get something from my car and gone to my car to fart. For a shit I could only do that by asking to have a shower or bath then I'd have one whilst the bath or shower was running then I'd get clean. Or if I've had a guy at my house I've gone next door to my mothers house and had one. "

Good God you dirty fecker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I,m having my first sleep over at my FWB,s soon, I haven't farted in front of him yet, I,m not worried about farting in his bed because on the first meet we ever had, he farted in my bed loudly afterwards and said "pardon me" He also on another occasion burped in my face.

I am a bit worried about peeing in his toilet,and I will definitely want a poo in the morning XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a relative who hasn't farted in front of her husband yet!!!

You gotta laugh about these things...we all do it!

Well done clem.... great thread..made my day.lol.

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?

Whenever I'm having a sleepover with a guy that's when I'm guaranteed to wanna fart my arse off or have a dump.

If my farts don't make me implode and they go up inside my stomach making a weird noise I've gone to extreme measures such as going to the toilet and putting my finger over my arse hole to let it out quiet and it just comes out like a quiet puff, wash my finger and bum hole and back into bed, I've even excused myself to get something from my car and gone to my car to fart. For a shit I could only do that by asking to have a shower or bath then I'd have one whilst the bath or shower was running then I'd get clean. Or if I've had a guy at my house I've gone next door to my mothers house and had one. "

Too much information! !!!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a relative who hasn't farted in front of her husband yet!!!

You gotta laugh about these things...we all do it!

Well done clem.... great thread..made my day.lol."

Been with the wife fifteen years and heard her fart 8 times. And 3 of those were in one go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant stop laughing after reading some of these . I consider my self lucky as my regular meet farts so we quite often just have a competition but i met a guy ( not from this site ) and ended up where he had pumped me full of wind i let a continual rip of fanny farts . I was very embarrassed . Lol at least they didnt smell

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Seriously I am wincing at reading these posts!!!!!! It's like watching a horror movie from behind the sofa!!!! How can you even TALK about things???????? I am soooooooo grossed out!!!!

You are all hideous and all dates are off!

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"I have a relative who hasn't farted in front of her husband yet!!!

You gotta laugh about these things...we all do it!

Well done clem.... great thread..made my day.lol."

I don't do it!!!!!!!! Yuck!!!!! No no no so wrong! You people aren't well!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe. "

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely you can make an excuse to go outside to the car or something then do it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!! "
was looking at it from a scientific point of view. It's only when the air passes over the shit loitering in yer fart pipe that makes it smell. No shit= no smell. Just saying

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?"

Let it go!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The soundtrack of the movie, Frozen. "Let it go, let it go" lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny

Once I was with an absolute God , everything you would want in a man , we had the most amazing sex , he laid back I laid with my head on his thigh , he coughed and farted right on my face ! I didn't really know what to do lol so I just ignored it Lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Funny

Once I was with an absolute God , everything you would want in a man , we had the most amazing sex , he laid back I laid with my head on his thigh , he coughed and farted right on my face ! I didn't really know what to do lol so I just ignored it Lmao "

And held your breath???? Pmsl

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!! was looking at it from a scientific point of view. It's only when the air passes over the shit loitering in yer fart pipe that makes it smell. No shit= no smell. Just saying "

I cant discuss it! Just GROSS!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Funny

Once I was with an absolute God , everything you would want in a man , we had the most amazing sex , he laid back I laid with my head on his thigh , he coughed and farted right on my face ! I didn't really know what to do lol so I just ignored it Lmao

And held your breath???? Pmsl"

Yes ha ha ha ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!! was looking at it from a scientific point of view. It's only when the air passes over the shit loitering in yer fart pipe that makes it smell. No shit= no smell. Just saying

I cant discuss it! Just GROSS!!!!!!"
it's good to talk about these things. Get it out in the open. ( if you pardon the pun )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Funny

Once I was with an absolute God , everything you would want in a man , we had the most amazing sex , he laid back I laid with my head on his thigh , he coughed and farted right on my face ! I didn't really know what to do lol so I just ignored it Lmao "

I gave the hubby the wind swept look while he was giving me a short back and side's down below, I was so embarrassed but can't help but laugh at his face he pulled

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I laugh too much..as in can't breathe can't speak laughing I have been known to fart. Which only makes things worse......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was gonna go for the folded towel trick.

I'd actually die if I had to fart in someone's presence "

Please note folded towels are for hotel meets. Just make sure you choose the right towel when it's time to shower

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never farted in front of a meet but during sex I sometimes have a bit of air trapped and changing positions can often lead to a bit of a love puff!!! It's so embarrassing but I can't help but giggle!!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Just pull your buttocks apart, drop a SBD, then look at them in horror.

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!! was looking at it from a scientific point of view. It's only when the air passes over the shit loitering in yer fart pipe that makes it smell. No shit= no smell. Just saying

I cant discuss it! Just GROSS!!!!!! it's good to talk about these things. Get it out in the open. ( if you pardon the pun ) "

Nooooooooooo I won't talk about such things. They don't exist!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can also tell if she's been holding a fart in . When they cum its hard to concentrate on holding a fart in and letting your body go during orgasm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Funny

Once I was with an absolute God , everything you would want in a man , we had the most amazing sex , he laid back I laid with my head on his thigh , he coughed and farted right on my face ! I didn't really know what to do lol so I just ignored it Lmao

I gave the hubby the wind swept look while he was giving me a short back and side's down below, I was so embarrassed but can't help but laugh at his face he pulled "

Had guy laugh because i did

Which only made it worse as it made me laugh even more

Im very sorry

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Seriously guys! You all need to review your diet if your sex life is full of hot air!!!!!!!!

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By *uckbunnieCouple
over a year ago

Redcar

omg this may me laugh so much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've never farted in front of a meet but during sex I sometimes have a bit of air trapped and changing positions can often lead to a bit of a love puff!!! It's so embarrassing but I can't help but giggle!!"

I did that, in a 69 position, I was on top, did several fanny carts, was so embarrassed I giggled, had a mouthful of cock at the time. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've never farted in front of a meet but during sex I sometimes have a bit of air trapped and changing positions can often lead to a bit of a love puff!!! It's so embarrassing but I can't help but giggle!!

I did that, in a 69 position, I was on top, did several fanny carts, was so embarrassed I giggled, had a mouthful of cock at the time. X"

Farts not carts ! Lol xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was gonna go for the folded towel trick.

I'd actually die if I had to fart in someone's presence

Please note folded towels are for hotel meets. Just make sure you choose the right towel when it's time to shower "

Could you please clarify if the folded towels are for farting in or shitting in?

XXX

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"I was gonna go for the folded towel trick.

I'd actually die if I had to fart in someone's presence

Please note folded towels are for hotel meets. Just make sure you choose the right towel when it's time to shower

Could you please clarify if the folded towels are for farting in or shitting in?

XXX"

OMG you lot are just low!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've never farted in front of a meet but during sex I sometimes have a bit of air trapped and changing positions can often lead to a bit of a love puff!!! It's so embarrassing but I can't help but giggle!!

I did that, in a 69 position, I was on top, did several fanny carts, was so embarrassed I giggled, had a mouthful of cock at the time. X

Farts not carts ! Lol xxx"
Haha!! That's hilarious! X

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By *unPeteMan
over a year ago

Near Bristol

never ever heard a fart at a meeting ... well only some fanny-farts towards the end!

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Send him out for Pain Au Chocolat!

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By *ugatits76Woman
over a year ago

somewhere over the rainbow

I've just had to share an apartment for a week so try that 1 lol I've noticed a few on here saying towels but not one person has mentioned just using toilet tissue??? it worked for me all week

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I am exceptionally careful what I eat for 24 hours before a planned meet to avoid this issue....

Fanny facts are not so bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a Yorkshireman I don't fart. We don't give fuck all away for free.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe. "

Woah. Hang on. Is it a fart pipe or a poop chute?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Buy a dog. Take it along to the meet with you just in case. Then if you need to release a ripsnorter you can blame the pooch. This is particularly effective for SBD's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was gonna go for the folded towel trick.

I'd actually die if I had to fart in someone's presence

Please note folded towels are for hotel meets. Just make sure you choose the right towel when it's time to shower

Could you please clarify if the folded towels are for farting in or shitting in?

XXX"

Why would you even shit in a towel??? It is used to muffle the sounds of morning farts. ALL HAIL MORNING FARTS!!these are the farts of all farts loud rambunctious farts that say to the world. I am awake i am alive!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was gonna go for the folded towel trick.

I'd actually die if I had to fart in someone's presence

Please note folded towels are for hotel meets. Just make sure you choose the right towel when it's time to shower

Could you please clarify if the folded towels are for farting in or shitting in?

XXX

Why would you even shit in a towel??? It is used to muffle the sounds of morning farts. ALL HAIL MORNING FARTS!!these are the farts of all farts loud rambunctious farts that say to the world. I am awake i am alive!!!"

Aka The dawn chorus if you've ever lived in barracks or on a mess deck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Farts will always be funny!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Drop it quietly then look at them with suspicion

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!! was looking at it from a scientific point of view. It's only when the air passes over the shit loitering in yer fart pipe that makes it smell. No shit= no smell. Just saying "

cool so after using a douche which can make you prone to parping... then it wont smell as you've cleaned the funnel out?...... bonus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!! was looking at it from a scientific point of view. It's only when the air passes over the shit loitering in yer fart pipe that makes it smell. No shit= no smell. Just saying

cool so after using a douche which can make you prone to parping... then it wont smell as you've cleaned the funnel out?...... bonus "
exactly. Fresh air

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!! was looking at it from a scientific point of view. It's only when the air passes over the shit loitering in yer fart pipe that makes it smell. No shit= no smell. Just saying

cool so after using a douche which can make you prone to parping... then it wont smell as you've cleaned the funnel out?...... bonus exactly. Fresh air "

Your grasp of the nuances of human biology never ceases to amaze me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!! was looking at it from a scientific point of view. It's only when the air passes over the shit loitering in yer fart pipe that makes it smell. No shit= no smell. Just saying

cool so after using a douche which can make you prone to parping... then it wont smell as you've cleaned the funnel out?...... bonus exactly. Fresh air

Your lack of a grasp of the nuances of human biology never ceases to amaze me! "

FTFY

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?excuse yourself to the loo and do it in privacy xxx

Hmmm some toilets seem to work like an amplifier!

They sure do

Even with the telly on I discovered the morning after, pumped full of air by the fun enjoyed, fart turned epic by the amplification of a premier inn loo and bathroom acoustics.

Pmsl I've had this too...well if they want bum fun they have to accept the inevitable bathroom bubbles and ensuing giggling from me!! Hahahahahaha. "

I was mortified. all I could do was just head back into the room and try to be vaugely dignified. He didn't try to rove it back up me. Can't think why not

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Toshn! !!!! I expected higher standards from you!!!!!!! OMG! The fact you all SAY the words!!!!! was looking at it from a scientific point of view. It's only when the air passes over the shit loitering in yer fart pipe that makes it smell. No shit= no smell. Just saying

cool so after using a douche which can make you prone to parping... then it wont smell as you've cleaned the funnel out?...... bonus exactly. Fresh air "

i smell bullshit!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you all for such a hilarious thread. We're crying with laughter here x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe. "

Mine never smell. I Googled it and it said they smell when you eat food which produces sulphur. I obviously don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't smell if there is no shit in yer fart pipe.

Mine never smell. I Googled it and it said they smell when you eat food which produces sulphur. I obviously don't. "

Are you that woman that went to the docs, cos you kept farting only they never smelt and they didn't make any sound....

He gave you some pills and you went back next week, saying that you're still farting, they still don't smell, but now they make a noise...you said "see? I just did one then!"

He said well that's cleared your hearing up, let's see what we can do about your sense of smell...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's more wind in this thread than a hurricane. I've laughed so much when I laughs I fart and when I fart I shit myself where's that towel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being over 50, every time I find something really fun I run the risk of peeing myself, and reading this thread is seriously risking that lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Funny

Once I was with an absolute God , everything you would want in a man , we had the most amazing sex , he laid back I laid with my head on his thigh , he coughed and farted right on my face ! I didn't really know what to do lol so I just ignored it Lmao "

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lmfao am crying here

we all at times suffer a whole gamete of fart issues I cough fart sneeze fart laugh fart cuddle fart and panic fart most are just parps n squeaks but I have dropped a knicker ripper n dead trex or 2 in me time

I just roar with laughter and "more tea vicar" "speak up brown your through" n "ohhh catch that mouse" are me farty catch phrases LMFAO

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By *obluvs2playMan
over a year ago

redcar


"Get them to pull your finger?"

Lmao

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By *rixiepeepWoman
over a year ago

over the hill / chatsworth

It's better to have an empty council house than.a bad Tennant hahahah

If you have IBS or other condition like it sometimes you can't help but blow bum kisses hahahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was doing some rite fanny rippers last nite. xxx

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

Everyone I see this one it makes me giggle.

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By *arewithmeMan
over a year ago

Craven Arms

Me, I don't fart,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i recycle air !!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Literally crying reading this thread.

Only us Brits can find a farts so funny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It seems I bring out the best in my fwb in all the right ways but also she always seems to get wind when we get together she has relaxed enough to just let rip !! She still gets really embarrassed but we have a good laugh ! High five and carry on !!!

It's all about fun after all lol

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By *arewithmeMan
over a year ago

Craven Arms

Hmmm, fun from the bum,

I guess thats another way of saying 'fart'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Especially if you was farting into the said folded towel""

Made me laugh very loudly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't BELIEVE you lot are even discussing it!!!

Ladies only ever powder their noses! End of! Trust me I've smelt em. That ain't no powder "

Giggling helplessly here

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By *layfulCouple86Couple
over a year ago

Lancashire


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?excuse yourself to the loo and do it in privacy xxx

Hmmm some toilets seem to work like an amplifier! "

I nearly died reading this

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

Fanny farts are inevitable and I am long past caring about that! But bottom burps? I would be very embarrassed! I would slip to the loo and hope for a silent but deadly then close the door behind me! This reminds me of a little poem I used to say as a kid...

When I get up to wipe my ass,

I like to pass a little gas;

It clears my hole

And dries the bowl

And shows I got a lot of class.

hehe xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes this thread is brilliant and so funny. Conjures up memories of Pink Panther movie, the lift scene and Monty Python. "I fart in your general direction"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just roll the toilet roll round your hand like a boxing glove and hold it on your arse. No noise and fart till your heart's content x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?"

Just let it rip....and pull the duvet over their head.....is there any other way?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lmfao am crying here

we all at times suffer a whole gamete of fart issues I cough fart sneeze fart laugh fart cuddle fart and panic fart most are just parps n squeaks but I have dropped a knicker ripper n dead trex or 2 in me time

I just roar with laughter and "more tea vicar" "speak up brown your through" n "ohhh catch that mouse" are me farty catch phrases LMFAO "

You missed out "name that tune in one!" (The answer being....Blowin' in the Wind!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I like to do silent but deadly ones on polite company, as the stench rises i proclaim loudly "mmmmm! Can anyone else smell doughnuts?!" No one can resist a good inhale through the nose at such an invitation......

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By *andbCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"I like to do silent but deadly ones on polite company, as the stench rises i proclaim loudly "mmmmm! Can anyone else smell doughnuts?!" No one can resist a good inhale through the nose at such an invitation......"

funny that is sooo funny gonna haemorrhage to truly test one !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had to post as didn't want this thread to end

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had to post as didn't want this thread to end "
thank you id have missed this x lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had to post as didn't want this thread to end thank you id have missed this x lmao "

Happy to help lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like to do silent but deadly ones on polite company, as the stench rises i proclaim loudly "mmmmm! Can anyone else smell doughnuts?!" No one can resist a good inhale through the nose at such an invitation......"

I can vouch that he actually does do this....sometimes i just cringe

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By *jtintin and stretchygirlMan
over a year ago

Dartford

Great thread had to add this link some good advice https://youtu.be/5iizU2dt--8

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha.. gotta be done

Release the beast

Either u suffer n hold it in or let it out n someone else can then understand the pain you could of potentially been in

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By *rs-Naughty_Mr-CuddlesCouple
over a year ago

Nr coleford

As elsa would say let it go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?

Just let it rip....and pull the duvet over their head.....is there any other way?"

Yes head under duvet until they've had a good nose full, and if you can do another while they are trapped there, all the better. XXX

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By *arkstaffsMan
over a year ago

Rugeley


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?

Just let it rip....and pull the duvet over their head.....is there any other way?

Yes head under duvet until they've had a good nose full, and if you can do another while they are trapped there, all the better. XXX"

An! The classic Dutch Oven

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not had that happen...my bowels behave!

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By *eteinhantsMan
over a year ago

Southsea

Met a couple for nearly a year and were really good friends, did a meet and we all went out for a meal first, not unusual,usually did italian, however this time we went for a curry......ha ha ha dont.....

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By *horley GirlWoman
over a year ago

Local-ish

I have just cried laughing at this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you've managed to snag yourself an over nighter, you gotta fart at some point, or go home in wind induced agony! What's your course of action?"

Pop to the loo!

I had a Fabber Dutch oven me before. Fucker!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a hotel scenario, excuse oneself to the corridor 'to see if the paper has been delivered', and let rip there, preferably when guests are passing with noisy wheeled luggage. Hey presto. No nasty niffs en chambre, merely a muffled rumble is heard by one's partner, and only passersby are affected, probably a few doors down before they notice. In the clear! Then knock to be let back in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't BELIEVE you lot are even discussing it!!!

Ladies only ever powder their noses! End of! "

I'm clearly not a lady then! I fart long and loud when I wake up every morning, and I snore like a train!

This COULD be why guys rarely hanker for repeat overnight meets!

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By *illnatMan
over a year ago

wherever i need to be


"Get them to pull your finger?"

Hahaha that sounds like what I'd do

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By *rixiepeepWoman
over a year ago

over the hill / chatsworth

Having a bowel conditions makes it even harder because you can't help. When it starts to bubble and you think oh noooo and nothing you can do only let it explode with a big loud long yes long song of farts hahaha

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By *aeganaWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

had it happen on a meet once just turned and said my pussy is busy so my arse is sayin thanks for the good time haha

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By *ongtalljonMan
over a year ago

North Wales

There are 5 levels of fart.

1 Fizz

2 Fuzz

3 Anti-fuzz

4 Tear arse

And

5 Splat.

Fizz, fuzz, anti Fuzz, tear arse and Splat.

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

Light a candle, please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wherever you may be let the wind run free ,in church or chaple,let the bugger rattle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get them to pull your finger?"

This has been used.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get them to pull your finger?

This has been used. "

In the tiniest tent that the world has ever known .

Horrid boy.

Or so a little bird once told me.

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By *ornylady71Woman
over a year ago

near Bury

Crying laughing at this thread, love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get them to pull your finger?"

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By *heekyweebissimWoman
over a year ago

fife,


"lmfao am crying here

we all at times suffer a whole gamete of fart issues I cough fart sneeze fart laugh fart cuddle fart and panic fart most are just parps n squeaks but I have dropped a knicker ripper n dead trex or 2 in me time

I just roar with laughter and "more tea vicar" "speak up brown your through" n "ohhh catch that mouse" are me farty catch phrases LMFAO "

Brilliant, property chuckling x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speak up arse.don't be shit on

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By *arkstaffsMan
over a year ago

Rugeley

One time in the cinema at Chams a girl who was enjoying some oral let out a huge fart as she came. Everyone just thought it was hilarious until the pong hit them. Abandon cinema that day..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Go to the bathroom fart into a folded towel. "

Thinks the folded towel may blow away

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By *illnatMan
over a year ago

wherever i need to be

Better out than in I always say. Wherever you may be..... Let your wind blow free!!!

If it happens it happens have a giggle and carry on! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read all of these threads pissed myself laughing but not farted yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We liked the guy who said quite openly I'm sorry but excuse me for a moment as I've got to fart really badly, left the room did his thing and we carried on until the wife had to do the same, by his openness the whole meet came to be a lot more relaxed and better for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We liked the guy who said quite openly I'm sorry but excuse me for a moment as I've got to fart really badly, left the room did his thing and we carried on until the wife had to do the same, by his openness the whole meet came to be a lot more relaxed and better for it."

Ah,the winds of change are blowing. ..

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By *espectful chap 99Man
over a year ago

Preston

The situation I find myself in at the moment is having piles with a suppository stuck up my rear end..

As I'm inexperienced with sticking things up there, I would have to be careful I didn't fart and then have to start looking for the torpedo on the floor..

I think it would ruin the evening, imo!!

Honest John x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just farted,and it still doesn't smell even though I had curry last night. What is wrong with me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her to put her fingers in her ears, and to mind the shock-wave "got a big one coming...here it comes, oh, you BEAUTY...!!!. Ok love, get yer head back down there, and I'll warn you again when another one is due. I can feel it brewing already, but just go suck for now. I bet you're glad you've got that cold now...it won't smell so bad under the duvet..." LOL. NOT...!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just farted,and it still doesn't smell even though I had curry last night. What is wrong with me? "

Lady farts don't smell.

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By *uiet confidenceMan
over a year ago

Warrington

Holding back can be troublesome as I find that when people do eventually let go it can sometimes sound less like a fart and more like Donald Duck laughing. That's not a sound you want amplified by a bathroom.

I was in trouble with a teacher once at school, who made me wait in her office while she nipped to the loo next door, and it was as if Donald Duck was trying opera. I was crying laughing when she came back in to bollock me! All I could say through the tears was "good shit?" I didn't stay in teaching long...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I literally have tears rolling down my face reading this, just sooooo funny.....unless it happens to you of course.

Last girlfriend I had never farted in front of me in two years, thank goodness as if she had lifted her leg I would have been mortified. We arrived at a hotel and she slipped off to the bathroom and yes that amplification effect caught her out. We both just cracked up laughing and that fart brought us closer together.....although I gave it half an hour before entering the bathroom.

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By *outhernJohn68Man
over a year ago

Southampton

I once let one go in front of a lady with whom I was newly acquainted. I gave her a sheepish look and said "a little more choke and she would have started". Showed my age a bit as she seemed a little confused but it amused me

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By *ilmissplumpyWoman
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Go to the bathroom fart into a folded towel. "

OMG someone could wipe their hands or face on that...

Get abwad of loo roll, press it to your bum hole and ease the fart out gently...

Ps go to the bathroom first lol

Lmn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get them to pull your finger?

This has been used.

In the tiniest tent that the world has ever known .

Horrid boy.

Or so a little bird once told me. "

You couldn't resist temptation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Go to the bathroom fart into a folded towel.

OMG someone could wipe their hands or face on that...

Get abwad of loo roll, press it to your bum hole and ease the fart out gently...

Ps go to the bathroom first lol

Lmn"

You've don't this haven't you? Someone could blow their nose with that loo roll. Hopefully doesn't get a cling on dangling from their nostril like in The inbetweeners

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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago

Pleasuretown

Let it go discreetly but if you can't, have a good laugh about

Now, let me play you the song of my people *parp

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