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By *ztec101 OP   Man
over a year ago

durham

Can someone tell me what makes a good Dom and any tips ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's like asking how do I be submissive. If it doesn't come naturally I don't think you can learn it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can someone tell me what makes a good Dom and any tips ?"

I think you are supposed to use words like slut and bitch in every sentence!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think you just have to be a naturally authoritative person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confidence and knowing your partner extremely well x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good Dom would be someone who understands the limits of their sub, and helps to push the boundaries while maintaining a trustful relationship and staying respectful of their needs/wants, and it would have to be someone capable and comfortable with being a figure of authority. The name calling etc. becomes a personal preference - it isn't necessary but it can be a useful tool

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"That's like asking how do I be submissive. If it doesn't come naturally I don't think you can learn it."

Winner answer!

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By *ali 69Man
over a year ago

jersey


"A good Dom would be someone who understands the limits of their sub, and helps to push the boundaries while maintaining a trustful relationship and staying respectful of their needs/wants, and it would have to be someone capable and comfortable with being a figure of authority. The name calling etc. becomes a personal preference - it isn't necessary but it can be a useful tool"
it's a symbiotic relationship where her needs are just important as yours . She will never submit willingly if she is mistreated .it's about trust , and you first have to earn hers .

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By *reamyBlackBullMan
over a year ago

Bath

Through training as in pretty hard thorough training, showing what are the built-in societal cues of a authoritatain person. Which involves a whole host of body language movments alterations in tone of voice and significant increase in you confidence you can get pretty danb close after you do them so much that it'd be second nature. The opportinity to do and learn all that is pretty rare though.

You start becoming aware of these things the higher up in business circles you are, as they begin to have an effect on your capability to close deals and in some cases lead.

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent

You either are.... or you aren't! You need to figure that bit out first. Because I have learnt over the years that no matter how much a guy tries. .. if he isn't naturally dominant then it just doesn't work because he ALWAYS having to work at it and tries too hard. As a sexually submissive woman, I always know when he just isn't 'feeling it' and is just trying to please me. All very sweet of him etc. .. but sadly a sexual incompatibility. Some may disagree but I think it depends how important that dynamic is on your sex life. For me, I couldn't be with a submissive man. Tried it years back! No thanks!

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By *anklerMan
over a year ago

Suffolk

A good Dom understands what their Sub wants and more importantly needs.

But what makes a good Dom is hard to answer really, because every Dom is different just like every Sub is different.

If you are naturally a Dom then talking to a sub, prospective or otherwise, you will know exactly what to do and how to do it for the greatest advantage to both of you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think you just have to be a naturally authoritative person. "

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

You've either got it or you ain't.

If you have, read. A lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its inside you. It makes you who you are and denotes who you are. Of course it manifests itself differently in people. Quite often it's the people around you that see it more than the Dominant themselves because to them they way they are is just the way they are.. Its not something you can learn but you can learn to expand it into other areas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also you might find that people take you more seriously if you use the word Dominant over Dom and submissive over sub. It may seen pointless but I promise you it isn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Through training as in pretty hard thorough training, showing what are the built-in societal cues of a authoritatain person. Which involves a whole host of body language movments alterations in tone of voice and significant increase in you confidence you can get pretty danb close after you do them so much that it'd be second nature. The opportinity to do and learn all that is pretty rare though.

You start becoming aware of these things the higher up in business circles you are, as they begin to have an effect on your capability to close deals and in some cases lead."

very perceptive Sir

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By *istressZoeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

From experience- I find that getting inside a subs head before a meeting helps to make for an erotic experience for both parties x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can someone tell me what makes a good Dom and any tips ?

I think you are supposed to use words like slut and bitch in every sentence! "

Quality.. proably a lot of truth in that

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

[Removed by poster at 30/05/16 10:03:45]

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"Think you just have to be a naturally authoritative person. "

Then submissive women would be naturally lowly types then? Nope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some in there head think they are dom and profiles say so but in reality I bet they are totally different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You either are.... or you aren't! You need to figure that bit out first. Because I have learnt over the years that no matter how much a guy tries. .. if he isn't naturally dominant then it just doesn't work because he ALWAYS having to work at it and tries too hard. As a sexually submissive woman, I always know when he just isn't 'feeling it' and is just trying to please me. All very sweet of him etc. .. but sadly a sexual incompatibility. Some may disagree but I think it depends how important that dynamic is on your sex life. For me, I couldn't be with a submissive man. Tried it years back! No thanks! "

Spot on!

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By *arker66Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"Also you might find that people take you more seriously if you use the word Dominant over Dom and submissive over sub. It may seen pointless but I promise you it isn't. "

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

I don't think it's necessarily a 'you are or you're not' thing. It depends what you're looking to do. If it's be a full on Dom where you live the lifestyle and have a full time sub, then it does probably need to be a part of your personality.

If you just want to do it as a play thing with a partner then you can learn what they like and develop your technique. Talking always helps!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think you just have to be a naturally authoritative person.

Then submissive women would be naturally lowly types then? Nope."

no. Just submissive in the bedroom. Doesn't mean they're lowly or weak elsewhere. A dom out of the bedroom could be sweet and mild. He doesn't have to grunt and eat with his fingers...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like mine!!

I never thought I was very submissive until I met him. So it has to have a lot to do with sexual chemistry and trust. The more I know the guy the more I want to give of me.

However if we never met again I wouldn't go looking for a Dom. It's just something he brings out in me. He takes time and effort to let me explore certain aspects yet pushes my limits with others.

So if it's not a natural thing for you I doubt it's one you can be overly good at with everyone but you could be surprised like I was when I went sub.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think you just have to be a naturally authoritative person.

Then submissive women would be naturally lowly types then? Nope.

no. Just submissive in the bedroom. Doesn't mean they're lowly or weak elsewhere. A dom out of the bedroom could be sweet and mild. He doesn't have to grunt and eat with his fingers..."

What has grunting and eating with fingers got to do with anything?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think you just have to be a naturally authoritative person.

Then submissive women would be naturally lowly types then? Nope."

Hahaha I'm a strong independent bubbly character. No lowly type here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think you just have to be a naturally authoritative person.

Then submissive women would be naturally lowly types then? Nope.

no. Just submissive in the bedroom. Doesn't mean they're lowly or weak elsewhere. A dom out of the bedroom could be sweet and mild. He doesn't have to grunt and eat with his fingers...

What has grunting and eating with fingers got to do with anything? "

Never mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate referring to my self as 'a dominant' especially after all the 50 shades rubbish. It can have so many different connotations for people and feel it doesnt quite explain things.

I prefer to say I am naturally sexually dominant. For me it's a part of my sexuality and is something that I absolutely need to have satisfied with in any sort of sexual relationship be that casual nsa or something long-term emotional.

I agree partly with people who say if it isnt your natural stance to be sexually dominant it is hard to teach. This is true for things such as presense and tone and mannerisms. Your daily confidence in who and what you are. Your inner game. That cannot me taught. The ability to appeal to a naturally submissive person by way of just being your self is almost impossible to teach or learn.

However the role play aspects can be sometimes be passed on. The ways a truly dominant person should be have can be leanred. Things like communication with a submissive, respectful behaviour regarding any limits you may both have. These things would be 2nd nature to any natural dominant but are not always understood by those looking to learn how to be dominant sexually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People who say you have to be a naturally authoritative person are so wrong, thats right im taking on half the thread. That just makes loud aggressive men think being a dominant is about them getting what they want.

Being a dom is about being someone she can trust to give herself to and hand control to, its about understanding her needs, and taking control in a way that lets her stop thinking, even when she's being punished or having her limits pushed, she should still feel safe and secure. Trust is the key. And anyone could do it I think, find the right girl, ease into it, learn what she wants and likes, through good communication and exploration.

Shame on some of the people in this thread, anyone can acheive anything they put there mind to, so good luck in your ventures OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is also worth noting that dominant and submissive types are not binary.

I am almost exclusively attracted to women of the alpha submissive type. Women who would rip the balls of any wannabe dominant who refered to them as lowly or passive or weak. The type of women who are deeply attracted to the right dominant man, who are inspired by the way that person is and who they are naturally without any of the 50shades kneel bitch mentality

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hate referring to my self as 'a dominant' especially after all the 50 shades rubbish. It can have so many different connotations for people and feel it doesnt quite explain things.

I prefer to say I am naturally sexually dominant. For me it's a part of my sexuality and is something that I absolutely need to have satisfied with in any sort of sexual relationship be that casual nsa or something long-term emotional.

I agree partly with people who say if it isnt your natural stance to be sexually dominant it is hard to teach. This is true for things such as presense and tone and mannerisms. Your daily confidence in who and what you are. Your inner game. That cannot me taught. The ability to appeal to a naturally submissive person by way of just being your self is almost impossible to teach or learn.

However the role play aspects can be sometimes be passed on. The ways a truly dominant person should be have can be leanred. Things like communication with a submissive, respectful behaviour regarding any limits you may both have. These things would be 2nd nature to any natural dominant but are not always understood by those looking to learn how to be dominant sexually

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is also worth noting that dominant and submissive types are not binary.

I am almost exclusively attracted to women of the alpha submissive type. Women who would rip the balls of any wannabe dominant who refered to them as lowly or passive or weak. The type of women who are deeply attracted to the right dominant man, who are inspired by the way that person is and who they are naturally without any of the 50shades kneel bitch mentality"

This guy knows ^^^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really should know better than to get involved with thsee tyes of communicates.... buggers off back to messing around and will the deeper stuff to my fet life!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I really should know better than to get involved with thsee tyes of communicates.... buggers off back to messing around and will the deeper stuff to my fet life!"

me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hate referring to my self as 'a dominant' especially after all the 50 shades rubbish. It can have so many different connotations for people and feel it doesnt quite explain things.

I prefer to say I am naturally sexually dominant. For me it's a part of my sexuality and is something that I absolutely need to have satisfied with in any sort of sexual relationship be that casual nsa or something long-term emotional.

I agree partly with people who say if it isnt your natural stance to be sexually dominant it is hard to teach. This is true for things such as presense and tone and mannerisms. Your daily confidence in who and what you are. Your inner game. That cannot me taught. The ability to appeal to a naturally submissive person by way of just being your self is almost impossible to teach or learn.

However the role play aspects can be sometimes be passed on. The ways a truly dominant person should be have can be leanred. Things like communication with a submissive, respectful behaviour regarding any limits you may both have. These things would be 2nd nature to any natural dominant but are not always understood by those looking to learn how to be dominant sexually

"

this is spot on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People who say you have to be a naturally authoritative person are so wrong, thats right im taking on half the thread. That just makes loud aggressive men think being a dominant is about them getting what they want.

Being a dom is about being someone she can trust to give herself to and hand control to, its about understanding her needs, and taking control in a way that lets her stop thinking, even when she's being punished or having her limits pushed, she should still feel safe and secure. Trust is the key. And anyone could do it I think, find the right girl, ease into it, learn what she wants and likes, through good communication and exploration.

Shame on some of the people in this thread, anyone can acheive anything they put there mind to, so good luck in your ventures OP."

shame on some people for having an opinion? Oh dear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"shame on some people for having an opinion? Oh dear."

Theres a difference between an opinion and unhelpfully putting someone down whos just come to ask for advice and tips, with your own misguided view. Couldve just kept it to yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't and wont meet aggressive men of any type just nice confident dom men

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"I hate referring to my self as 'a dominant' especially after all the 50 shades rubbish. It can have so many different connotations for people and feel it doesnt quite explain things.

I prefer to say I am naturally sexually dominant. For me it's a part of my sexuality and is something that I absolutely need to have satisfied with in any sort of sexual relationship be that casual nsa or something long-term emotional.

I agree partly with people who say if it isnt your natural stance to be sexually dominant it is hard to teach. This is true for things such as presense and tone and mannerisms. Your daily confidence in who and what you are. Your inner game. That cannot me taught. The ability to appeal to a naturally submissive person by way of just being your self is almost impossible to teach or learn.

However the role play aspects can be sometimes be passed on. The ways a truly dominant person should be have can be leanred. Things like communication with a submissive, respectful behaviour regarding any limits you may both have. These things would be 2nd nature to any natural dominant but are not always understood by those looking to learn how to be dominant sexually

"

Agreed

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"You either are.... or you aren't! You need to figure that bit out first. Because I have learnt over the years that no matter how much a guy tries. .. if he isn't naturally dominant then it just doesn't work because he ALWAYS having to work at it and tries too hard. As a sexually submissive woman, I always know when he just isn't 'feeling it' and is just trying to please me. All very sweet of him etc. .. but sadly a sexual incompatibility. Some may disagree but I think it depends how important that dynamic is on your sex life. For me, I couldn't be with a submissive man. Tried it years back! No thanks! "

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"shame on some people for having an opinion? Oh dear.

Theres a difference between an opinion and unhelpfully putting someone down whos just come to ask for advice and tips, with your own misguided view. Couldve just kept it to yourself"

I haven't seen anyone put anyone down... except you. With your 'shame on people' comment. The OP has asked for advice. We are offering our opinions and advice. We are certainly not putting him down. We don't know the OP. The opinions offered are subjective based on ours and MANY others experiences of many many years. It is MY experience. You are very entitled to feel differently but there is no 'Shame' on anyone for having a different point of view. He would get a very similar answer if he attended a fetish munch or club. That said, I agree with a previous post where someone suggested certain elements of role play can be taught. But ultimately I still maintain that some of us have an innate NEED that can only truly be met by someone who is the Yang to their Yin or vice versa. It's an energy. You can't fake that. Not in my opinion. The OP can certainly ask for specific ideas for role play. But his question is possibly too generalistic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"shame on some people for having an opinion? Oh dear.

Theres a difference between an opinion and unhelpfully putting someone down whos just come to ask for advice and tips, with your own misguided view. Couldve just kept it to yourself"

Oh dear again. I never put anyone down, I never would. Your tone is aggressive - so I will leave this thread.

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"shame on some people for having an opinion? Oh dear.

Theres a difference between an opinion and unhelpfully putting someone down whos just come to ask for advice and tips, with your own misguided view. Couldve just kept it to yourself

Oh dear again. I never put anyone down, I never would. Your tone is aggressive - so I will leave this thread. "

No need to leave because of one person. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like mine!!

I never thought I was very submissive until I met him. So it has to have a lot to do with sexual chemistry and trust. The more I know the guy the more I want to give of me.

However if we never met again I wouldn't go looking for a Dom. It's just something he brings out in me. He takes time and effort to let me explore certain aspects yet pushes my limits with others.

So if it's not a natural thing for you I doubt it's one you can be overly good at with everyone but you could be surprised like I was when I went sub. "

Like you I never thought I was or could be submissive until I met G, as it turns out I am very good obedient (most of the time) sub. It's all about trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"shame on some people for having an opinion? Oh dear.

Theres a difference between an opinion and unhelpfully putting someone down whos just come to ask for advice and tips, with your own misguided view. Couldve just kept it to yourself

I haven't seen anyone put anyone down... except you. With your 'shame on people' comment. The OP has asked for advice. We are offering our opinions and advice. We are certainly not putting him down. We don't know the OP. The opinions offered are subjective based on ours and MANY others experiences of many many years. It is MY experience. You are very entitled to feel differently but there is no 'Shame' on anyone for having a different point of view. He would get a very similar answer if he attended a fetish munch or club. That said, I agree with a previous post where someone suggested certain elements of role play can be taught. But ultimately I still maintain that some of us have an innate NEED that can only truly be met by someone who is the Yang to their Yin or vice versa. It's an energy. You can't fake that. Not in my opinion. The OP can certainly ask for specific ideas for role play. But his question is possibly too generalistic."

We could not agree more.. the complexity of the D/s and Fet world are huge and in turn interesting. I for won gave up arguing the toss over it along time ago and agressive attitudes have no place here... to the op, look, listern , observe and learn and you will discover your own views on this subject..

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