FabSwingers.com forum: Chat her up? (Questions for the guys)

By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

I was chatting to one my close female friends today and we got onto the topic of men chatting up women / trying to talk to a woman (whatever you want to call it) whilst put in a bar , pub wherever.

I know some men have all the blag and even to the point of cocky arrogance in some cases. Whereas other men won't even try.

I find a lot of men will look at me but they rarely approach me.

My question is for the guys....what makes you more likely to go up to a woman you like and talk to her? Is it about her appearance? Her smile? Something else? What attracts you to her at first?

And what would stop you approaching her (apart from obviously if she is with a man etc). What would be intimidating or put you off?

Hope that kind of makes sense?

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By *ERRYA1Man
over a year ago

Bicester

I would say it's more to do with a man's confidence, and nothing to do with the women, but saying that if you do catch someone's eye a smile might just give them that push they needed

. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never tried the cocky approach, so I don't really know if it works; I wouldn't start a conversation with a woman off the cuff - and that includes an environment such as a swingers club. So I'm eager as well to hear others' thoughts on this one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she was always looking at me/smiling I might approach her, But if she was with a group of friends I probably wouldn't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If she was always looking at me/smiling I might approach her, But if she was with a group of friends I probably wouldn't "
I always thought if a girl kept looking at me she's probably wondering why I'm staring at her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If she was always looking at me/smiling I might approach her, But if she was with a group of friends I probably wouldn't I always thought if a girl kept looking at me she's probably wondering why I'm staring at her

Well in that case move and see if she looks to see where you have gone,

(playing hard to get)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I've only ever chatted someone up in a bar once. I've been chatted up in bars a fair few times though. Two of those turned into relationships.

But what made me chat that one girl up? We kept checking eachother out, then she was stood at the bar. She pulled her daisy dukes a little further up her arse. Then gave me a raised eyebrow grin. I could take no more teasing. Great night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to make eye contact more than once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My chat up lines are bad, just being me seems to be worse and if I make eye contact more than twice, in my mind she thinks Im a sexual predator. Its all about confidence for a man, when I dont worry and dont try to be funny, charming and interesting, it just clicks into place and I end up having a great chat. The fact I have a Mrs and we are both well aware and happy of what the other may ot may not do, takes a lot of the pressure off me to impress a woman out of need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When she catches a look at you and smiles. Her body language is inviting and not closed off. When she's friendly and dosnt seem too preoccupied.

I wonder if it works out there like it does on fab. Would a lady be gagging for it if I slipped her a postcard of my cock pic, like they do on here?

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By *reakShow90Man
over a year ago

Manchester/halifax

It's hard to say when I have gone over to talk to a lass it's in my head even if I just talk with her I can say Iav done it and tryed I see some ladies and just go no point in even looking at them they would never go for me but as it's been said a smile can give you that push to go talk to her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I was getting constant eye contact from her I would at least say hello and see how she reacted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be somewhere easy for him to talk to you. On his route to the bar or toilet. He's much more likely to say something 'chatty'. If you respond well great, if not, he was just passing time of day and no face lost.

If you're in a largish group, peel away from the main herd especially if he's on his way to bog or bar. Make it easier.

The eyes and smiles first as others have said.

If it's me, just bring me a beer and you're sorted

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Chudleigh

Totally hopeless in a vanilla bar situation! But then we are a couple, so I might look but never go and chat

In a swingers club though it seems totally different, so much easier to chat to single or groups of girls, guys or couples. Even if sex isn't on the cards as I'm there on my own. It just seems much easier in a club than in vanilla land - interesting psychology here

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

It's a funny thing....I understand the issue of not wanting to approach women if they are with friends as it can intimidating.

But I find that if a man is looking 'interested ' but never makes any effort, eventueally I am a bit put off lol! I guess because I am unashamedly old fashioned in some ways, I like the man to make the first move or at least a little effort to show willing lol!!! That's not to say that I haven't 'manipulated' things so that I just 'happen'to be at the bar alone or dropped something etc lol.... and I have struck up conversation by using an excuse lol. ...ask directions etc.. Although it's a bit embarrassing when I pretend I don't know where the loo is but the door is right next to him! Lol! Still, I find a lot of guys are lack the balls to man up and make a move!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a funny thing....I understand the issue of not wanting to approach women if they are with friends as it can intimidating.

I was always very good at it lol back in the day. I got good at reading body language and discovered the golden rule of never going for more than one woman in any bar, if you get a knock back, switch bars or give up for the night

Obviously as a Yorkshireman, don't want to be chatting women up too early and end up buying drinks all night. After last orders is ideal haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If she was always looking at me/smiling I might approach her, But if she was with a group of friends I probably wouldn't "

I was once 'getting the eye' off a guy in a bar. Smiling, looking over his friends shoulders, dropping his eyes ...

After a couple of hours of this (I was with friends too), I plucked up the courage to go and introduce myself.

I walked over, opened my mouth to say 'hi' but before the words left my lips, he just went 'FUCK OFF'

I turned on my heels and scuttled back to my one remaining friend who said 'I take it that was a 'no' then ?'

So yeah, be better at reading signs than I obviously am

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"It's a funny thing....I understand the issue of not wanting to approach women if they are with friends as it can intimidating.

Obviously as a Yorkshireman, don't want to be chatting women up too early and end up buying drinks all night. After last orders is ideal haha

Unfortunately for you....ladies are wise to that old trick!!!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"If she was always looking at me/smiling I might approach her, But if she was with a group of friends I probably wouldn't

I was once 'getting the eye' off a guy in a bar. Smiling, looking over his friends shoulders, dropping his eyes ...

After a couple of hours of this (I was with friends too), I plucked up the courage to go and introduce myself.

I walked over, opened my mouth to say 'hi' but before the words left my lips, he just went 'FUCK OFF'

I turned on my heels and scuttled back to my one remaining friend who said 'I take it that was a 'no' then ?'

So yeah, be better at reading signs than I obviously am "

Oh dear!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a funny thing....I understand the issue of not wanting to approach women if they are with friends as it can intimidating.

or maybe they just don't fancy you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Obviously as a Yorkshireman, don't want to be chatting women up too early and end up buying drinks all night. After last orders is ideal haha

Unfortunately for you....ladies are wise to that old trick!!!

Once in Kent used that trick, was a lass giving body language. After last orders, lights up and all that I just asked her what time it was, she grabbed my hand and said 'You're coming with me' and took me back to hers. Next four nights went round to hers after pubs shut and knocked on her door, blimey that woman nearly turned me into a prune. Job finished that week so we went somewhere else, lucky really as she'd have turned me inside out

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

yeah all confidence some men have it some don't. He who dares wins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now, my trouble is, if I find a man attractive, I can't maintain eye contact. The rest of the time chatting to others I can, but as soon as I clap sight of a gorgeous man (or who I perceive to be gorgeous), then I go all Princess Diana.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now, my trouble is, if I find a man attractive, I can't maintain eye contact. The rest of the time chatting to others I can, but as soon as I clap sight of a gorgeous man (or who I perceive to be gorgeous), then I go all Princess Diana."

Turn round and she's looking at you then looks away...look again in a few minutes and catch her looking again, then she looks away...we know what that means

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"It's a funny thing....I understand the issue of not wanting to approach women if they are with friends as it can intimidating.

or maybe they just don't fancy you

I am OBVIOUSLY talking about those that are spending all night looking at me and giving me the eye cheeky!

What did you think? That I am indignant that ALL the guys in the bar aren't ALL chatting me up??????????

Wally! Lol!!

I am just interested in situations where a guy fancies someone, what makes him approach or NOT her?

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"Obviously as a Yorkshireman, don't want to be chatting women up too early and end up buying drinks all night. After last orders is ideal haha

Unfortunately for you....ladies are wise to that old trick!!!

Sounds like you really suffered!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of eye contact, and mutual smiles would generally muster the confidence in me to approach a woman. However, what to first say is usually my stumbling block. Im not overly confident in approaches in how to start a conversation. Oddly enough when i least expect it ive easily engaged in conversations with many

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"yeah all confidence some men have it some don't. He who dares wins "

Well it's true! I like a man with balls! Not the cocky arrogant type who thinks it's a done deal though!

I like someone who is genuine and polite.... maybe a little cheeky but not too much.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

LOL! I am like that!!!! Then they think I am snooty! Or that I have a twitch! Lol!!!

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By *pal2Man
over a year ago

cumbria

[Removed by poster at 29/05/16 16:04:19]

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"I was chatting to one my close female friends today and we got onto the topic of men chatting up women / trying to talk to a woman (whatever you want to call it) whilst put in a bar , pub wherever.

I know some men have all the blag and even to the point of cocky arrogance in some cases. Whereas other men won't even try.

I find a lot of men will look at me but they rarely approach me.

My question is for the guys....what makes you more likely to go up to a woman you like and talk to her? Is it about her appearance? Her smile? Something else? What attracts you to her at first?

And what would stop you approaching her (apart from obviously if she is with a man etc). What would be intimidating or put you off?

Hope that kind of makes sense?

To me it's all in that first response(doesn't have to be verbal) I try to get myself in a position so we can make eye contact and if I get a friendly smile I go over if it's a scowl or blank grumpy face that's a sign to leave alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never had an issue with confidence when talking to women,

It's all about the eye contact with me.

If there eye contact a couple of times and a smile then it's game on

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By *pal2Man
over a year ago

cumbria

Its difficult for us guys. Too much eye contact and you could get arrested for being a perv these days

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"A lot of eye contact, and mutual smiles would generally muster the confidence in me to approach a woman. However, what to first say is usually my stumbling block. Im not overly confident in approaches in how to start a conversation. Oddly enough when i least expect it ive easily engaged in conversations with many

I think just being yourself is the best. Perhaps just find something about her to comment on, or about the music etc, maybe ask what wine she is drinking. It really is about just making conversation.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"Its difficult for us guys. Too much eye contact and you could get arrested for being a perv these days

LOL. .. well a smile... and say something!!! Don't just stare all night! !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think just being yourself is the best. Perhaps just find something about her to comment on, or about the music etc, maybe ask what wine she is drinking. It really is about just making conversation.

That's the obvious thing to start a conversation.

I always ask if you'd like your wine glass topped up and take it from there

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By *azkinsWoman
over a year ago

leeds

[Removed by poster at 29/05/16 16:20:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a funny thing....I understand the issue of not wanting to approach women if they are with friends as it can intimidating.

or maybe they just don't fancy you

I am OBVIOUSLY talking about those that are spending all night looking at me and giving me the eye cheeky!

What did you think? That I am indignant that ALL the guys in the bar aren't ALL chatting me up??????????

Wally! Lol!!

I am just interested in situations where a guy fancies someone, what makes him approach or NOT her?"

what I used to do, ask the barman/woman to tell the lady that guy wants to buy you a drink, that's after making eye contact, if she accept id go over strike up a conversation, if she refuse the drink, stay put

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

"Its difficult for us guys. Too much eye contact and you could get arrested for being a perv these days

LOL. .. well a smile... and say something!!! Don't just stare all night! !!

There's lots of things the guy is trying to figure out.. is the lady single, this group she's with are they just out for a girls night out celebrating a birthday etc, would the lady be receptive to male advances, that can come from your signals , sometimes it's your friends signals that might put him them off as well...

When I was a kid around Leeds if you saw a group of girls chances were they were out looking as much as the young lads were, as you get older those numbers fall as folk get Into relationships, and trying to figure out who's doing and wanting what is very complicated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feet! Someone once told me you can find out if someone fancies you from looking at their feet.

If they have a foot pointed towards you, it means they subconsciously want to move in your direction.

Obviously it could be coincidence, so move location a bit and see if their feet move too.

It's worked for me before now, and my ability to read body language is absolutely horrendous.

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By *mooth tongue 4uMan
over a year ago

edinburgh

Interesting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feet! Someone once told me you can find out if someone fancies you from looking at their feet.

If they have a foot pointed towards you, it means they subconsciously want to move in your direction.

Obviously it could be coincidence, so move location a bit and see if their feet move too.

It's worked for me before now, and my ability to read body language is absolutely horrendous."

Feet is one yes. The eyes are the main giveaway though.

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By *ERRYA1Man
over a year ago

Bicester

What a useful bit of information crazyhotwife ,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think just being yourself is the best. Perhaps just find something about her to comment on, or about the music etc, maybe ask what wine she is drinking. It really is about just making conversation.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

[Removed by poster at 29/05/16 17:01:25]

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

I think just being yourself is the best. Perhaps just find something about her to comment on, or about the music etc, maybe ask what wine she is drinking. It really is about just making conversation.

That's the obvious thing to start a conversation.

I always ask if you'd like your wine glass topped up and take it from there

Nice line!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"Feet! Someone once told me you can find out if someone fancies you from looking at their feet.

If they have a foot pointed towards you, it means they subconsciously want to move in your direction.

Obviously it could be coincidence, so move location a bit and see if their feet move too.

It's worked for me before now, and my ability to read body language is absolutely horrendous."

Ha I can't say I haven't notice of feet lol... I might try it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feet! Someone once told me you can find out if someone fancies you from looking at their feet.

If they have a foot pointed towards you, it means they subconsciously want to move in your direction.

Obviously it could be coincidence, so move location a bit and see if their feet move too.

It's worked for me before now, and my ability to read body language is absolutely horrendous.

Feet is one yes. The eyes are the main giveaway though."

Feet is a good start, and you can glance at feet without being noticed because so few people know about it. If you keep staring at someone's face, they notice fairly quickly!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feet is a good start, and you can glance at feet without being noticed because so few people know about it. If you keep staring at someone's face, they notice fairly quickly!"

They only notice if they're looking

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

Paul is totally oblivious to what's going on right under his nose...if I hadn't have approached him we would never have met.

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By *biNerdMan
over a year ago

Doncaster DN8

I'll usually spot for those who look like they can chat, but whose attitude suggests either they'd rather be chatted to rather than being the initiator. In experience, people who have spent time making themselves look approachable are after being more sociable. Anything that happens after that I consider a bonus. Otherwise, I've just spent some time getting to know someone that next time won't be as difficult to talk to due to familiarity!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

I think that asking guys on a swinging site about approaching women in a bar, is not realistic! Given that you are all horny barstard anyway and wouldn't need much encouragement!!!!!!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"Paul is totally oblivious to what's going on right under his nose...if I hadn't have approached him we would never have met.

I have a LOT of men like that lol! Even a guy I was dating told me he wouldn't have approached me in a bar as he never notices women looking at him lol! Blooming useless!!! :

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"I'll usually spot for those who look like they can chat, but whose attitude suggests either they'd rather be chatted to rather than being the initiator. In experience, people who have spent time making themselves look approachable are after being more sociable. Anything that happens after that I consider a bonus. Otherwise, I've just spent some time getting to know someone that next time won't be as difficult to talk to due to familiarity! "

So what makes someone 'look approachable '??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So what makes someone 'look approachable '??"

More the other really. If they're engrossed in conversation and not looking around, you give em a miss. If they're in a big crowd and shoulder to shoulder with the others, give em a miss.

Like I said earlier, leave an opening if you're open.

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By *kin BohnerMan
over a year ago

derby

What a question, I imagine the reasons a chap approaches a woman and what he says are as many as there are men.

Personally I've had more knock backs than a bottle of larger at a real ale festival but I haven't quiet thrown in the towel yet.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"So what makes someone 'look approachable '??

More the other really. If they're engrossed in conversation and not looking around, you give em a miss. If they're in a big crowd and shoulder to shoulder with the others, give em a miss.

Like I said earlier, leave an opening if you're open."

I think crowds make it easier as you can easily 'accidentally' bump into her! Honestly you guys! Do I have to teach you everything???? Lol!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feet! Someone once told me you can find out if someone fancies you from looking at their feet.

If they have a foot pointed towards you, it means they subconsciously want to move in your direction.

Obviously it could be coincidence, so move location a bit and see if their feet move too.

It's worked for me before now, and my ability to read body language is absolutely horrendous."

That theory may fall apart at a clowns convention.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm on a night out with my girl friends, I find the loud/alpha guys go after the loud alpha girls, and I end up chatting to the other guys by accident really. I'm not big on chat up lines or anything like that. I'm quite shy when it comes to stuff like that.

If a guy was too cocky and full of himself; I would tell him to fuck off. I hate that!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"If I'm on a night out with my girl friends, I find the loud/alpha guys go after the loud alpha girls, and I end up chatting to the other guys by accident really. I'm not big on chat up lines or anything like that. I'm quite shy when it comes to stuff like that.

If a guy was too cocky and full of himself; I would tell him to fuck off. I hate that! "

Same! I tend to go for the quieter guy. Experience has taught me, they are usually the prize!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how many men just use the line-

How you doin ha ha ha

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"I wonder how many men just use the line-

How you doin ha ha ha"

Quite a few! But somehow if standing at the bar waiting to buy a drink and a guy turns and says that to me, it feels natural.

In a first message on here, it isn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wonder how many men just use the line-

How you doin ha ha ha

Quite a few! But somehow if standing at the bar waiting to buy a drink and a guy turns and says that to me, it feels natural.

In a first message on here, it isn't. "

Not used that line in a bar or on here lol

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"I wonder how many men just use the line-

How you doin ha ha ha

Quite a few! But somehow if standing at the bar waiting to buy a drink and a guy turns and says that to me, it feels natural.

In a first message on here, it isn't.

Not used that line in a bar or on here lol"

Ha.. well definately good job on here! It is different when you can see and speak to someone though. I would prefer they 'how you doin' or 'hi' than just stare me out all night!!!! Lol!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd need to stare at you to make eye contact lol

Obviously not starring in creepy way of course

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"I'd need to stare at you to make eye contact lol

Obviously not starring in creepy way of course

Well you know what I mean lol! But it's when they ONLY stare! Lol! Either they are just creepy or they lack the balls to approach! There is always the 3rd option I suppose! That they find me soooo hideous that they can't stop looking!

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By *issyfaggotfayeTV/TS
over a year ago

Bolton

A sexy smile or sexy eyes x then my mind starts wandering ....... is she domme? Into pvc? Then I just think "go for it anyway"

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

Although my question is really aimed at vanilla situations. .in a bar etc. ..it reminded me of an occasion when I was in a swingers club. There was this really good looking guy there. He would chat to people and he and I chatted quite a few occasions but he was one of the few people that I gave met... where it was IMPOSSIBLE to flirt with him. He just wasn't picking up the cues. So naturally I assumed he wasn't interested ok. But I watch him chat to others and it was the same thing. Like he either didn't recognise the signs that someone was intetested or he wasn't interested BUT kept chatting to the ladies (me included) but nothing! Zero! I asked him about his experiences on the swinging scene. Really just trying to break the ice. But he was a serious guy! I would daft jokes. He didn't really get the English sense of humour (American guy ). There was a point when I thought. .. why is the guy still JUST chatting to me??? Has he got his period?????

Doesn't he like anyone here? Is he really that shy? He didn't seem it as he was chatty. But boy! Was he hard work! And not in a good way!Lol! I know he didn't HAVE to play... it's just he came on his own to a swingers club but he seemed unable to loosen up. I gave up! He reminded me of myself too much!!!!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

Blimey! Didn't realise I had gone on so much in that last post! Sorry!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"A sexy smile or sexy eyes x then my mind starts wandering ....... is she domme? Into pvc? Then I just think "go for it anyway"

LOL. ...but that's probably because you are just a naughty minx! Lol! I think swingers generally find it easier? More comfortable with thenselves? Just a theory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a guy was too cocky and full of himself; I would tell him to fuck off. I hate that!

Same! I tend to go for the quieter guy. Experience has taught me, they are usually the prize! "

I agree. Nothing more unattractive than a guy who thinks he's all that. Fine line between confidence and arrogance!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

If a guy was too cocky and full of himself; I would tell him to fuck off. I hate that!

Same! I tend to go for the quieter guy. Experience has taught me, they are usually the prize!

I agree. Nothing more unattractive than a guy who thinks he's all that. Fine line between confidence and arrogance!"

Confidence is SEXY but it's that quiet confidence! Strong... confident.... comfortable in his own skin. Doesn't need to make a big show! Like the loud cocky one showing off to his mates.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Either way if I saw you drinking alone I'd definitely be making a move

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"So what makes someone 'look approachable '??

More the other really. If they're engrossed in conversation and not looking around, you give em a miss. If they're in a big crowd and shoulder to shoulder with the others, give em a miss.

Like I said earlier, leave an opening if you're open."

You can't 'leave an opening ' in a crowd. .. other than going outside! Lol!!!!!

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By *dam123321Man
over a year ago

London

"Its difficult for us guys. Too much eye contact and you could get arrested for being a perv these days

Haha this made me laugh, all humour aside its true, i think the fear of rejection plays apart to in not approaching women, i myself can be quite shy or cant think of anything to say, plus the area you're in plays a factor i think too.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

[Removed by poster at 30/05/16 14:13:03]

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"Its difficult for us guys. Too much eye contact and you could get arrested for being a perv these days

The area we are in??? I am talking about vanilla situations. ..in a bar. .. boy sees girl....girl sees boy.... who makes a move? If the guy doesn't? Why doesn't he, if he likes her and she is looking at him...smiling. ..?

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By *entadreadMan
over a year ago

Essex

If a woman can have the guts to walk up to me or chat me up, I know she is the kind I want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same here. If I end up making eye contact with someone on the train for example and she also looks. I tend to try and not stare at her again because I get all funny about it! Ha.

(Also, because she might think I'm some sort of predator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know how on fab a lot of women are in the mind set of treating guys like shit on their shoe because it's a numbers game blah blah blah. A lot of women are like that in bars and clubs also. This can put nervous guys into long term retreat.

A mate of mine plays the numbers game. He will talk to everyone with the firm belief that someone in a club will fuck him. He's not always right.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"If a woman can have the guts to walk up to me or chat me up, I know she is the kind I want.

LOL. .. why? You don't have the balls???

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

Same here. If I end up making eye contact with someone on the train for example and she also looks. I tend to try and not stare at her again because I get all funny about it! Ha.

(Also, because she might think I'm some sort of predator)"

LOL. .. actually it us weird on trains and tubes because people are trying NOT to look at eachother. It's really funny to observe that! Not sure if it's that English reserve thing. But if we accidentally look at someone (for no particular reason even) and they look at the same time, we always look away. Sometimes I will smile to be polite but even then, if it's a guy, I think... oh god he will think i fancy him now and I don't! !! Lol! You can really tie yourself up in knots on trains and tubes lol! In a bar... if I am looking at you..... believe me...... I am interested!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"You know how on fab a lot of women are in the mind set of treating guys like shit on their shoe because it's a numbers game blah blah blah. A lot of women are like that in bars and clubs also. This can put nervous guys into long term retreat.

A mate of mine plays the numbers game. He will talk to everyone with the firm belief that someone in a club will fuck him. He's not always right.

And the women in the bar have all clocked him!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A mate of mine plays the numbers game. He will talk to everyone with the firm belief that someone in a club will fuck him. He's not always right.

And the women in the bar have all clocked him!!!!! "

Numbers game does not work, women definitely do not like to think themselves second choice.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

A mate of mine plays the numbers game. He will talk to everyone with the firm belief that someone in a club will fuck him. He's not always right.

And the women in the bar have all clocked him!!!!!

Numbers game does not work, women definitely do not like to think themselves second choice."

Correct!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

A mate of mine plays the numbers game. He will talk to everyone with the firm belief that someone in a club will fuck him. He's not always right.

And the women in the bar have all clocked him!!!!!

Numbers game does not work, women definitely do not like to think themselves second choice.

Correct!

Even if she IS second choice, on your life... NEVER let her know! You might wake up with your balls missing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting point! I've always wanted to have the confidence to chat ladies up but I have always been terrified of the humiliation of rejection. I know I've possibly lost a lot of hot opportunities as a result. I do still try but find it almost impossible. I end up just looking at the woman with an admiring smile across the bar and that's that! Only I was successful once recently. It wasn't a cheesey chat-up line, just edging along gge bar towards her and asking her what her drink was. She had an amazing smile and, like most women, had a great ability to talk, so I let her! A terrific evening followed with her!

That, though, was a rare success. If I really think a girl's so hot I must talk to her, I also care that if I screw up and she rejects me I'm gonna feel bloody sad! And too often I think they're just out of my league anyway!

Shame really!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"Interesting point! I've always wanted to have the confidence to chat ladies up but I have always been terrified of the humiliation of rejection. I know I've possibly lost a lot of hot opportunities as a result. I do still try but find it almost impossible. I end up just looking at the woman with an admiring smile across the bar and that's that! Only I was successful once recently. It wasn't a cheesey chat-up line, just edging along gge bar towards her and asking her what her drink was. She had an amazing smile and, like most women, had a great ability to talk, so I let her! A terrific evening followed with her!

Shame really!"

I have had long relationships with guys who told me they wouldn't have approached me because they thought I was out of their league. Funny thing because I was thinking they were out of MY league!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've always wanted to have the confidence to chat ladies up but I have always been terrified of the humiliation of rejection."

Don't chat them up, just talk to them.

Imagine you're at work and striking up a conversation with the sparky or something, just talk about normal things. I know I'm gonna sound a know-it-all with this post but it's something I know works. Just talk about normal stuff and worst case scenario you passed a bit of time, best case scenario the conversation develops. Yes, every now and then you might get a nasty cow that will shut you down straight off and try looking clever by putting someone down, but she only serves to make herself look a twat if that happens (never known it happen to me btw).

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Kent

"I've always wanted to have the confidence to chat ladies up but I have always been terrified of the humiliation of rejection.

Don't chat them up, just talk to them.

Best advice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try not to over-complicate things. At the end of the day, the person you're going to approach is just another human being.

They probably have insecurities of their own just like you may do.

Don't treat it as a massive deal. Just make conversation, show some interest in what they're saying and if nothing comes of it, what harm has been done?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shame really!

I have had long relationships with guys who told me they wouldn't have approached me because they thought I was out of their league. Funny thing because I was thinking they were out of MY league!

Hi Subby,

(just written a nice long and thoughtful reply except iphone fucked it up just as I was about to post - sod it!)

Anyway, I know exactly what they mean! I think you're way out of my league too but that's the point isn't it - it's all a matter of personal perception. How do you rate yourself against how you rate others!

Speaking as a guy, if you come across as too humble, women will like you but not want to sleep with you as you won't seem alpha male enough. If you're too arrogant and cock-sure they might admire your alpha male ego and test you out in bed but they'll only like your cock - if you're lucky!

The trick is to get the right balance and to be true to yourself as well as to others. Lying is stupid as women will always find out the truth somehow!

Getting the balance right being just confident enough to share the fun of life without being arrogant is called 'being human'! It's kinda universal! And we need to be confident enough to approach others cos being fit young and sexy doesn't last forever!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm terrible at chatting people up, I never know what to say and always feel like I'm being very bland and dull. I usually need to have some form of reason to start chatting, even then if the conversation doesn't flow or if they're stand offish then I won't pursue the matter, I don't do 'hard to get' and arrogance is one of the most unattractive qualities.

Hmmm I'm starting to understand why I've been single so long!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say it's more to do with a man's confidence, and nothing to do with the women, but saying that if you do catch someone's eye a smile might just give them that push they needed

. X "

as above

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"I was chatting to one my close female friends today and we got onto the topic of men chatting up women / trying to talk to a woman (whatever you want to call it) whilst put in a bar , pub wherever.

I know some men have all the blag and even to the point of cocky arrogance in some cases. Whereas other men won't even try.

I find a lot of men will look at me but they rarely approach me.

My question is for the guys....what makes you more likely to go up to a woman you like and talk to her? Is it about her appearance? Her smile? Something else? What attracts you to her at first?

And what would stop you approaching her (apart from obviously if she is with a man etc). What would be intimidating or put you off?

Hope that kind of makes sense?

A cute face makes me melt.

If you are the life and soul - I'd probably not risk being ignored/turned down. I'm better in small groups

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel that woman can make it very difficult for a man to speak to her.

If she is in a group then best to stay away as your more likely to be turned away.

I will always say hello if I like the lady and ask her if she would like a drink and then take it from there.

What the worst she can say NO.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same here. If I end up making eye contact with someone on the train for example and she also looks. I tend to try and not stare at her again because I get all funny about it! Ha.

(Also, because she might think I'm some sort of predator)

Haha.

Well, if I ever catch you staring at me in a bar, you're mine

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By *lanelliguy92Man
over a year ago

Llanelli

"I was chatting to one my close female friends today and we got onto the topic of men chatting up women / trying to talk to a woman (whatever you want to call it) whilst put in a bar , pub wherever.

I know some men have all the blag and even to the point of cocky arrogance in some cases. Whereas other men won't even try.

I find a lot of men will look at me but they rarely approach me.

My question is for the guys....what makes you more likely to go up to a woman you like and talk to her? Is it about her appearance? Her smile? Something else? What attracts you to her at first?

And what would stop you approaching her (apart from obviously if she is with a man etc). What would be intimidating or put you off?

Hope that kind of makes sense?

Makes perfect sense, as for what would put me off talking to them, any reflective surface that reminds me why I'm single. (face like the south end of a donkey heading north)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a lady makes definite eye contact and gives something remotely resembling a smile I'll talk lol

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By *ay BrowerMan
over a year ago

Oldham

In my youth I would have no problem approaching a woman I fancied. Even if she was in a crowd.

Nowadays I would need some sort of signal or at least start a conversation before I started chatting her up

Getting her away from her mates is usually enough for me to start chatting her up now

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By *obluvs2playMan
over a year ago

redcar

It's difficult in a bar you don't want to seem like your bothering the woman I find and they seem to be abit grease lightning in groups lol, nightclubs diffrent mind I like to go for the old dancy walk, or invisible lasso lol neither work very often

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