FabSwingers.com forum: Woman asking: Is Monogamy a thing of the past?

By *otgirl32 OP Woman
over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

So .... there have been a few "sleep with married men" threads here recently. It's pretty common for men to make the claim that monogamy is "unnatural" and they get poo poo'd for basically wanting an excuse for extra sex. So here's me (a woman) asking the same question: is monogamy basically unnatural and a thing of the past? Honestly, I do think so.

If you look and see how many married couples are truly happy? I'll say two groups - one, our grandparent's generation. They had a different outlook on life, far simpler and we saw happy marriages lasting 60+ years. Different times. The second group are married couples who swing. In other words, no longer monogamous in the strict sense.

For me, I can never be physically monogamous to one man. Emotionally perhaps yes, but sex with different partners would be a given from the get go and potentially even an emotional involvement with more than one man. My GF jokes that in good time I'll be living with 3-4 "husbands" LOL. Maybe she's right

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Umm yep I agree with you and wouldn't have any problem with my future wife having other blokes. Defo what I'm on the lookout for. Let's hope she's reading this forum as we speak ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No I don't believe monogamy is a thing of the past but I hope that as a society we will become more accepting of all the different types of possible relationships including monogamy.

I do think it would be a good idea if people could discuss their expectations before settling down and if we could move away from the idea that sex and love are inseparable.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You do know this is a swingers site right? A site dedicated to people who arnt happy in monogamous relationships. I think you might find a lot of people here to support your assertion that monogamy is a thing of the past

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I know plenty of married couples of my generation that are together and happy longterm. I feel I am naturally monogamous, I have always been quite happy with one man when I find one who fulfils me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/04/16 15:45:13]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners "

Not sure I agree, some people really do just want one special person in thier life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All my friends who are married are happily married.

I'm very envious of them and wish I could find that level of happiness with one man but I think I must be programmed differently because I don't know if I could just be faithful to one man

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not for me. I found it very easy to be monogamous. I like it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

We'll if I had a good partner would not need to b on here . But I don't n I thought IDE found d right partner but she took her ex back n I was broken hearted . Broke d golden rule but I enjoyed every second of it n still dream about it .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners

Not sure I agree, some people really do just want one special person in thier life"
That is right, few likes to have one, do you recon swinging promotes poly as a "cool" thing?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners "
I disagree, polyamory is still relatively unknown

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely think monogamy is unnatural. Ethical non-monogamy is the way to go.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

No one I know would ever contemplate a swinging lifestyle judging by the judgemental conversations I've heard over the years.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

Miss innocent u sound d type of lady I would get on with . But I'm in dublin n ur in London

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners

Not sure I agree, some people really do just want one special person in thier lifeThat is right, few likes to have one, do you recon swinging promotes poly as a "cool" thing?"

I just think some people are wired to like sex with multiple partners, where as a lot of people just want the one. What we need is a way of connecting people with the right type

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners

Not sure I agree, some people really do just want one special person in thier life"

I would be happy with either so long as the sex was good lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one I know would ever contemplate a swinging lifestyle judging by the judgemental conversations I've heard over the years. "

This.... A lot of my friends circle think it's wrong. It's safe to say I haven't told them about my preferences lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that being on fab and going to clubs can put us in a bubble sometimes. Monogamy is still a very embedded thing in society, and I don't see anything wrong with that, either. There are reasons why humans promote the concept of monogamy, there are reasons why religions and governments advocate for monogamy as well.

Having said that, I do think it is becoming more acceptable to be non-monogamous than it was before. I don't think there is any more unhappiness in relationships now then when our grandparents were around, but I do think it's more acceptable to talk about that unhappiness.

Fundamentally, I think what is changing is our willingness to be open to and understanding of other types of relationships. With that may come a lessening of the importance of monogamy, but not its end.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that being on fab and going to clubs can put us in a bubble sometimes. Monogamy is still a very embedded thing in society, and I don't see anything wrong with that, either. There are reasons why humans promote the concept of monogamy, there are reasons why religions and governments advocate for monogamy as well.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"Definitely think monogamy is unnatural. Ethical non-monogamy is the way to go."

someone else has used that phrase! Normally everyone takes the piss out of me on the forums for refering to ethical non-monogamy!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Humans arent designed to be monogamous, the shape of the cock is designed to displace any seman that is already in there, not something that happens in monogamous species.

Monogamy is a societal construction that was probably initiated when we started to own land and property thousands of years ago and needed to hand it down from one generation to another.

As infidelity has been present in every culture, country, religion around the world, it shows that it is not just a problem for the West in the 21st century.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

"So .... there have been a few "sleep with married men" threads here recently. It's pretty common for men to make the claim that monogamy is "unnatural" and they get poo poo'd for basically wanting an excuse for extra sex. So here's me (a woman) asking the same question: is monogamy basically unnatural and a thing of the past? Honestly, I do think so.

What do you mean by a thing of the past?

Obviously you are not thinking about Victorian times where middle-class and upper-class men had mistresses that everyone knew about but nobody talked about.

The only thing that has changed in society is the outlook on affairs or extra-marital relationships.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hoenixandflamesCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

"I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners "

I don't think so.

Poly is not non monogamy.

(Generally find Polyamoury to be a load of B.S. or a bunch of "mend and make do's").

But I've seen far too much poly B.S. up close.

There will always be a societal expectation to "happily monogamous" vs the human condition.

But one love - absolutely.

One sexual partner? Yikes. (Especially if you are Bi lol).

Cheers

Flames

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it is definitely not a thing of the past and is quite a cynical thing to suggest.

If you're in a great relationship with a great sex life for the majority of people, that is all they want.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners

I don't think so.

Poly is not non monogamy.

(Generally find Polyamoury to be a load of B.S. or a bunch of "mend and make do's").

But I've seen far too much poly B.S. up close.

There will always be a societal expectation to "happily monogamous" vs the human condition.

But one love - absolutely.

One sexual partner? Yikes. (Especially if you are Bi lol).

Cheers

Flames"

As someone in a very happy poly relationship, I disagree. But then for some monogamy is not right and for others Ploy is not either.

It works for some and not for others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/04/16 16:55:38]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Monogamy is a bit like avoiding sweets. Its an ideal which we adhere to but when temptation appears it is often hard to resist.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners

Not sure I agree, some people really do just want one special person in thier lifeThat is right, few likes to have one, do you recon swinging promotes poly as a "cool" thing?

I just think some people are wired to like sex with multiple partners, where as a lot of people just want the one. What we need is a way of connecting people with the right type"

Scientifically this is correct. Most don't understand the concept of variance amongst species. No species is wired 100% one way or 100% the other.

Most humans are predisposed towards polygamy, although culturally it's put down in most places. However, accordingly to evolutionary psychologists, about 30% of humans are naturally predisposed towards monogamy. So you can't say that either is unnatural, both predispositions occur naturally, there's just more on one side than the other.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that people are just wired for different things.

I see monogamy alive and well in enough of my friends to know it's not dead.

On the other hand, I see lots of non-monogamy being enjoyed by lots of other friends.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think so.

Poly is not non monogamy.

(Generally find Polyamoury to be a load of B.S. or a bunch of "mend and make do's").

But I've seen far too much poly B.S. up close.

Polyamory is a type of non-monogamy.

I am polyamorous in the loosest sense of the term, in that I have multiple partners that I'm involved with on more than a superficial level. (I actually consider myself a relationship anarchist, but I generally can't be bothered to explain to people what that is).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You do know this is a swingers site right? A site dedicated to people who arnt happy in monogamous relationships. "

No, that's not what swinging is about. Swinging isn't about people who aren't happy in monogamous relationships (usually - that' called cheating rather than swinging).

Swinging usually requires confidence and stability in yourself, and potentially your relationship(s). It's not a way to fix broken relationships, but rather a way to explore one's sexuality.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not a way to fix broken relationships, but rather a way to explore one's sexuality."

Unfortunately all to many see it as a way to fix a relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well monogamy didn't really exist until religion told us it should . Look at the Romans , the Greeks and so on , orgies were common and totally acceptable .

Then we were brainwashed into thinking it was wrong , and now we are slowly but surely realising it isn't natural to be monogamous .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well monogamy didn't really exist until religion told us it should . Look at the Romans , the Greeks and so on , orgies were common and totally acceptable .

Then we were brainwashed into thinking it was wrong , and now we are slowly but surely realising it isn't natural to be monogamous .

"
The Romans also kept slaves and had brutal gladiator fights to the death

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You do know this is a swingers site right? A site dedicated to people who arnt happy in monogamous relationships.

No, that's not what swinging is about. Swinging isn't about people who aren't happy in monogamous relationships (usually - that' called cheating rather than swinging).

Swinging usually requires confidence and stability in yourself, and potentially your relationship(s). It's not a way to fix broken relationships, but rather a way to explore one's sexuality."

I never said that swingers had broken relationships, but by virtue of that fact they have chosen to swing must mean their preference isn't monogamy.

Swinging is about having your cake and eating it, it's about having a safe secure relationship all the hubby and wifey stuff but with the added bonus of being able to take other lovers all in a truthful and honest manner. Cheating is well err cheating.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You do know this is a swingers site right? A site dedicated to people who arnt happy in monogamous relationships.

No, that's not what swinging is about. Swinging isn't about people who aren't happy in monogamous relationships (usually - that' called cheating rather than swinging).

Swinging usually requires confidence and stability in yourself, and potentially your relationship(s). It's not a way to fix broken relationships, but rather a way to explore one's sexuality.

I never said that swingers had broken relationships, but by virtue of that fact they have chosen to swing must mean their preference isn't monogamy.

Many swingers consider themselves to be 'monogamous' because they are emotionally monogamous.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

To be fair I do think it is a thing of the past as it's on some endangered lists and a lot of carpenters and joiners have been using alternatives for years

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

Monogamy is an unnatural state for mankind; and is basically imposed by social ( and religious) pressures.

Polygamy is more natural; but implies " possession" of several by one.

Polyamory ( which is not polygamy) is a good substitute, but many people find it difficult to understand, or to actually do.

Neither of which are promiscuous ;

monogamy, polygamy require a commitment; polyamory requires a very different type of "commitment" (or at least relationship) , key amongst which is trust, without possession or jealousy .

"Swinging" is not polyamory BTW.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well monogamy didn't really exist until religion told us it should . Look at the Romans , the Greeks and so on , orgies were common and totally acceptable .

Then we were brainwashed into thinking it was wrong , and now we are slowly but surely realising it isn't natural to be monogamous .

Er the Romans and Greeks had plenty of religion! Ever heard of zeus?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You do know this is a swingers site right? A site dedicated to people who arnt happy in monogamous relationships.

No, that's not what swinging is about. Swinging isn't about people who aren't happy in monogamous relationships (usually - that' called cheating rather than swinging).

Swinging usually requires confidence and stability in yourself, and potentially your relationship(s). It's not a way to fix broken relationships, but rather a way to explore one's sexuality.

I never said that swingers had broken relationships, but by virtue of that fact they have chosen to swing must mean their preference isn't monogamy.

Many swingers consider themselves to be 'monogamous' because they are emotionally monogamous."

As in it was only sex she meant nothing to me?

Nah Monogamy and swinging are mutually exclusive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well monogamy didn't really exist until religion told us it should . Look at the Romans , the Greeks and so on , orgies were common and totally acceptable .

Then we were brainwashed into thinking it was wrong , and now we are slowly but surely realising it isn't natural to be monogamous .

The Romans also kept slaves and had brutal gladiator fights to the death

Better than watching Jeremy Kyle...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You do know this is a swingers site right? A site dedicated to people who arnt happy in monogamous relationships.

No, that's not what swinging is about. Swinging isn't about people who aren't happy in monogamous relationships (usually - that' called cheating rather than swinging).

Swinging usually requires confidence and stability in yourself, and potentially your relationship(s). It's not a way to fix broken relationships, but rather a way to explore one's sexuality.

I never said that swingers had broken relationships, but by virtue of that fact they have chosen to swing must mean their preference isn't monogamy.

Many swingers consider themselves to be 'monogamous' because they are emotionally monogamous.

As in it was only sex she meant nothing to me?

Nah Monogamy and swinging are mutually exclusive. "

In your opinion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I am not interested in monogamy.

But here's the thing - I'm not everyone else. If others are happy being monogamous, I'm not going to roll my eyes and say that they're so 20th Century.

Live and let live.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well monogamy didn't really exist until religion told us it should . Look at the Romans , the Greeks and so on , orgies were common and totally acceptable .

Then we were brainwashed into thinking it was wrong , and now we are slowly but surely realising it isn't natural to be monogamous .

Er the Romans and Greeks had plenty of religion! Ever heard of zeus? "

Yep , and Eros

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

I don't think monogamy is dying or dead It's just that sex is less of a taboo subject than in past times and as such people are more likely to experiment and explore different things.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well monogamy didn't really exist until religion told us it should . Look at the Romans , the Greeks and so on , orgies were common and totally acceptable .

Then we were brainwashed into thinking it was wrong , and now we are slowly but surely realising it isn't natural to be monogamous .

Er the Romans and Greeks had plenty of religion! Ever heard of zeus? "
and Hurcules, Thor and ironman

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Being with one person was not enough for me, I became bored. Now I am older I want different things, I could love someone but, I would like us to play with others. Karen

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You do know this is a swingers site right? A site dedicated to people who arnt happy in monogamous relationships.

No, that's not what swinging is about. Swinging isn't about people who aren't happy in monogamous relationships (usually - that' called cheating rather than swinging).

Swinging usually requires confidence and stability in yourself, and potentially your relationship(s). It's not a way to fix broken relationships, but rather a way to explore one's sexuality.

I never said that swingers had broken relationships, but by virtue of that fact they have chosen to swing must mean their preference isn't monogamy.

Many swingers consider themselves to be 'monogamous' because they are emotionally monogamous.

As in it was only sex she meant nothing to me?

Nah Monogamy and swinging are mutually exclusive.

In your opinion."

Or in other words, I don't agree with you but your probably right

All we have is opinions it's an Internet forum, a place we all go to to share ours

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lwaysup4it69Couple
over a year ago

Kirkby in Ashfield

I think society and people's outlook on life has changed a lot in a generation, i think for some the view of multiple partners seems wrong but for others it feels right. My view is it can strengthen a relationship and stop it going stale

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's cyclical - monogamy was not the norm in ancient times and were coming back full circle - hooray!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read this article about marriage a few months ago.

It give you a different perspective on marriage.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"I read this article about marriage a few months ago.

It give you a different perspective on marriage. "

My marriage was awful, never again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My marriage was awful, never again"

I am sorry your marriage was awful, but that does not make all marriages awful.

A lot of people that divorce, get married again within a couple of years it seems.

But there is nothing wrong with being single either!

xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's cyclical - monogamy was not the norm in ancient times and were coming back full circle - hooray!"

I can't remember if it's pride and prejudice or pygmalion, but in one of those famous novels. It's got an epic line where a young lady is excitedly telling another about how awesome her prospective husband is, she says:

"He has an income of 500, maybe 800, a year AND he doesn't even keep a mistress"

Says it all really...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you are asking the Q on a swinging site

need a public poll on this

personally i guess im abit old fashioned

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's cyclical - monogamy was not the norm in ancient times and were coming back full circle - hooray!

"He has an income of 500, maybe 800, a year AND he doesn't even keep a mistress"

Says it all really... "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm in a relationship I'm 100% monogamous.

That's just the way I roll

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I'm in a relationship I'm 100% monogamous.

That's just the way I roll

You just come here for the free tea and biscuits...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I'm in a relationship I'm 100% monogamous.

That's just the way I roll

You just come here for the free tea and biscuits..."

Golden Crunch Creams please and a strong Tea

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I'm in a relationship I'm 100% monogamous.

That's just the way I roll

You just come here for the free tea and biscuits..."

Why do I never get the free tea and biscuits?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Definitely think monogamy is unnatural. Ethical non-monogamy is the way to go."

Why do you think monogamy is unnatural?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Humans arent designed to be monogamous, the shape of the cock is designed to displace any seman that is already in there, not something that happens in monogamous species.

Monogamy is a societal construction that was probably initiated when we started to own land and property thousands of years ago and needed to hand it down from one generation to another.

As infidelity has been present in every culture, country, religion around the world, it shows that it is not just a problem for the West in the 21st century. "

'Humans arent designed to be monogamous' why do you think that way?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Monogamy is an unnatural state for mankind; and is basically imposed by social ( and religious) pressures.

Polygamy is more natural; but implies " possession" of several by one.

Polyamory ( which is not polygamy) is a good substitute, but many people find it difficult to understand, or to actually do.

Neither of which are promiscuous ;

monogamy, polygamy require a commitment; polyamory requires a very different type of "commitment" (or at least relationship) , key amongst which is trust, without possession or jealousy .

"Swinging" is not polyamory BTW.

'Monogamy is an unnatural state for mankind' Why do you think this?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No its not a thing of the past.

Its more expensive than other types of wood because large parts of the rain forests are protected now.

But it's still available.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"Humans arent designed to be monogamous, the shape of the cock is designed to displace any seman that is already in there, not something that happens in monogamous species.

Monogamy is a societal construction that was probably initiated when we started to own land and property thousands of years ago and needed to hand it down from one generation to another.

As infidelity has been present in every culture, country, religion around the world, it shows that it is not just a problem for the West in the 21st century.

'Humans arent designed to be monogamous' why do you think that way?"

As I said, biologically you can see it in the shape of the genitals, the penis is designed to scoop out semen left their by previous partners. This wouldn't be needed if we were monogamous.

Look at the prevalence of prostitutes, concubines, hareems, mistresses etc. across all cultures and times.

Here are a couple of videos from people more learned than myself on the subject.

https://youtu.be/w8SOQEitsJI

https://youtu.be/bxQdLhOQf5c

https://youtu.be/LJhklPJz9U8

Why do you think humans are designed to be monogamous?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You do know this is a swingers site right? A site dedicated to people who arnt happy in monogamous relationships. I think you might find a lot of people here to support your assertion that monogamy is a thing of the past"

That is quite a generalisation you made there. This site is not dedicated to people who aren't happy in a monogamous relationship at all. Plenty of couples on here are happy. Having sex with other people is not the same as having relationships with multiple people. Married 'single' people on here may very well be a different story.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Definitely think monogamy is unnatural. Ethical non-monogamy is the way to go.

someone else has used that phrase! Normally everyone takes the piss out of me on the forums for refering to ethical non-monogamy!

Some people can pull it off, others can't

It's like the French and berets...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not a thing of the past. Nor do I think it is a thing of the present or the future....it has never been a natural state....for men or for women....my Opinion!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otgirl32 OP Woman
over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

"All my friends who are married are happily married.

I'm very envious of them and wish I could find that level of happiness with one man but I think I must be programmed differently because I don't know if I could just be faithful to one man

Quite interesting - most of my GFs who're married play around (mostly behind their husbands' backs!)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otgirl32 OP Woman
over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

Good point Courtney (or is it Marc?). You're right, monogamy is "embedded" in society because of centuries of tradition. However, the driver of that in my view has always been to promote some sort of social order or hierarchy (mother-father-child). However, across the centuries men have always engaged in extramarital sex (harems, brothels you name it) and it's been accepted. It's only in the last 100 or so years that "true" monogamy has become more embedded in society. Women haven't had much of that luxury to play around except in a few cultures where polyandry is accepted. I think all that's changing now because we are more "ordered" (arguably, I guess) and as you say, much more openminded.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MaleMan
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/04/16 00:23:00]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MaleMan
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/04/16 00:27:55]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know plenty of married couples of my generation that are together and happy longterm. I feel I am naturally monogamous, I have always been quite happy with one man when I find one who fulfils me.

Ditto

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I hope it's not. I still hope to find happy ever after with someone and for us to be enough for each other.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as I said earlier by virtue of that fact they have chosen to swing must mean their preference isn't monogamy. If you have sex with other people your not monogamous. Doesn't matter if it's one or one hundred.

I never said anyone was unhappy, the point of this site is to allow swingers to meet other swingers. If you are using it for other purposes then that's up to you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Humans arent designed to be monogamous, the shape of the cock is designed to displace any seman that is already in there, not something that happens in monogamous species.

Monogamy is a societal construction that was probably initiated when we started to own land and property thousands of years ago and needed to hand it down from one generation to another.

As infidelity has been present in every culture, country, religion around the world, it shows that it is not just a problem for the West in the 21st century.

'Humans arent designed to be monogamous' why do you think that way?

As I said, biologically you can see it in the shape of the genitals, the penis is designed to scoop out semen left their by previous partners. This wouldn't be needed if we were monogamous.

Look at the prevalence of prostitutes, concubines, hareems, mistresses etc. across all cultures and times.

Here are a couple of videos from people more learned than myself on the subject.

https://youtu.be/w8SOQEitsJI

https://youtu.be/bxQdLhOQf5c

https://youtu.be/LJhklPJz9U8

Why do you think humans are designed to be monogamous? "

Well I've watched all three videos though got bored with the last one.

For me, its to reproduce and have thought that as I think someone said, its society and how I have been brought up to believe that man meets woman (and vice versa) fall in love, have kids and grow old together. The problem is along the way, woman decides she doesn't want sex any more so the man cheats.

As to your suggestion that a cock is shaped how it is to scoop out semen is just rubbish as its not a spoon.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I know plenty of married couples of my generation that are together and happy longterm. I feel I am naturally monogamous, I have always been quite happy with one man when I find one who fulfils me.

This for me too.

My other half doesn't believe in monogamy and I have no problem with that. My attitude has changed over the years.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I'd say most of the married 'single' people on here are also looking to have sex with other people, not relationships with multiple people.

One of the things you see trotted out on here is the "it's not fabcheaters!" / why do they use "our" site outrage - well where better than somewhere filled with people looking for casual sex not relationships? I'd suggest if the married people wanted more than just sex they'd be having an affair with the lady from work or similar. The very fact that they're seeking to meet people away from their normal lives, via the internet, is precisely because it is about sex not a relationship.

Regarding the OP, I don't think monogamy is dead or dying at all, but other forms of relationship are becoming more acceptable and more mainstream and that can only be a good thing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im not so sure the older generations were any happier-ive worked and chatted with that age group and i think they 'put up' with things more than we do now - think they also worked at making the best of it more as well- but a lot of unhappy times people were 'trapped' in back then

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think poly is slowly taking over mono as I think in the future it is all about have multiple partners

Not sure I agree, some people really do just want one special person in thier life

I would be happy with either so long as the sex was good lol "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Most of the females I know at work talk about there husbands like they are children. They also joke that they hate sex ! They are bored rigid

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many swingers consider themselves to be 'monogamous' because they are emotionally monogamous."

I consider myself monogamous. I have sex with many people (as does A) but I am not in love with the people I have fucked. Although some have become friends.

V xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm glad that men arn't as I would not get any. I've been really hurt by my 2 life partners. Due to this I'm NOT getting involved long term relationships. I prefer married men as I know there's not going to be any "love" complications.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I consider myself monogamous. I have sex with many people (as does A) but I am not in love with the people I have fucked. Although some have become friends.

V xxx "

This is my view too.

OP - I think monogamy is changing though in the world in general. Marriage wasn't invented to last 50 years - we didn't live as long when marriage was first thought of. So average marriages were 7 years or so because life expectancy was short.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

I'm always monogamous in a relationship.... But having said that l have difficulty in maintaining a relationship because my sex drive has always been significantly higher than any of my long-term partners

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ougarsandcubsWoman
over a year ago

Medway

My opinions for what is worth and experiences over the years on fabs

I believe many are on the site for egos and validation not just sex or using it as a way to conquer their own insecurities ..

Those that use and understand the real nature of sex as fun can easily have a poly relationship.. but as humans we will always have and need a special emotional connection

People only have affairs when emotional needs are un met.

The problem nowadays is we know and see too much. People are more self centre the grass is always greener than 50 years ago .. people make less effort . Expect more and give less .

The human need to be loved respected and wanted hasn't changed ..

Just our expectations have changed..

When someone hits you mind body and soul it's easy to be committed with out thinking about but in the meantime why not have lots of fun ??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andm288Couple
over a year ago

oxford

My pennies worth

Having briefly discussed with the good lady

I don't think marriage is dead but people seem to do it as its expected of them by society / family etc as a natural progression

Can the swinging / different partner scenario add to the said marriage ?

If both partners are in agreement & trust each other ?

Personally I think yes

But does it make you love your partner any less ?

Personally no

Is it something that adds to a strong trusting relationship?

Personally I think it does

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My opinions for what is worth and experiences over the years on fabs

I believe many are on the site for egos and validation not just sex or using it as a way to conquer their own insecurities ..

Those that use and understand the real nature of sex as fun can easily have a poly relationship.. but as humans we will always have and need a special emotional connection

People only have affairs when emotional needs are un met.

The problem nowadays is we know and see too much. People are more self centre the grass is always greener than 50 years ago .. people make less effort . Expect more and give less .

The human need to be loved respected and wanted hasn't changed ..

Just our expectations have changed..

When someone hits you mind body and soul it's easy to be committed with out thinking about but in the meantime why not have lots of fun ?? "

I think your generalisations are much more true of women than men

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Great post!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otgirl32 OP Woman
over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

I consider myself monogamous. I have sex with many people (as does A) but I am not in love with the people I have fucked. Although some have become friends.

V xxx

This is my view too.

Yes I can identify with emotional monogamy, no question. I can be one man's woman emotionally but physically, no way. Whether it's because we're living longer or not, I'm not so sure. That might be applicable if the majority of people involved in extramarital sex were doing so after a decade plus of marriage. Men start playing around after a couple of years of being wed and so do girls.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otgirl32 OP Woman
over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

On a similar note, can any woman here see themselves in a sort of polyandrous relationship (i.e., living with 2-3 men).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

As to your suggestion that a cock is shaped how it is to scoop out semen is just rubbish as its not a spoon."

I'm not just making this stuff up! Look at these reports and articles;

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis (look at evolved adaptations)

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/penis-shape-explanation_n_1642613.html

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3128753.stm

I fully agree that you and I and everyone else has grown up in a society were monogamy is the norm and the ideal, but that doesn't mean that humans are designed that way. We are also brought up not to murder or steal and yet every country in the world has prisons.

To say that it is only men who cheat, and that it's when women decide to stop having sex is a complete fallacy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm glad that men arn't as I would not get any. I've been really hurt by my 2 life partners. Due to this I'm NOT getting involved long term relationships. I prefer married men as I know there's not going to be any "love" complications. "

U hope there will be no love complications. U can't stop it from happening married or not.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As to your suggestion that a cock is shaped how it is to scoop out semen is just rubbish as its not a spoon.

I'm not just making this stuff up! Look at these reports and articles;

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis (look at evolved adaptations)

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/penis-shape-explanation_n_1642613.html

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3128753.stm

To say that it is only men who cheat, and that it's when women decide to stop having sex is a complete fallacy. "

I say last bit as that's what has surrounded me since I've grown up plus men on here say the same and not all is due to ill health.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On a similar note, can any woman here see themselves in a sort of polyandrous relationship (i.e., living with 2-3 men). "

Nope

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

As to your suggestion that a cock is shaped how it is to scoop out semen is just rubbish as its not a spoon.

I'm not just making this stuff up! Look at these reports and articles;

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis (look at evolved adaptations)

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/penis-shape-explanation_n_1642613.html

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3128753.stm

To say that it is only men who cheat, and that it's when women decide to stop having sex is a complete fallacy.

I say last bit as that's what has surrounded me since I've grown up plus men on here say the same and not all is due to ill health.

Who are all these cheating men having sex with then? Each other?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As to your suggestion that a cock is shaped how it is to scoop out semen is just rubbish as its not a spoon.

I'm not just making this stuff up! Look at these reports and articles;

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis (look at evolved adaptations)

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/penis-shape-explanation_n_1642613.html

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3128753.stm

To say that it is only men who cheat, and that it's when women decide to stop having sex is a complete fallacy.

I say last bit as that's what has surrounded me since I've grown up plus men on here say the same and not all is due to ill health.

Always better to use anecdotal evidence than representative surveys I say

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread